Misswhitnoel - Noel. - Tumblr Blog

“You ask if we can still be friends. I explain how a honeybee does not dream kissing the mouth of a flower and then settle for its leaves.” - Rupi Kaur, The Sun and Her Flowers

“You’re everywhere. Except right here. And it hurts.” - Rupi Kaur, The Sun and Her Flowers

“You call me up after not speaking for 13 months only to say I’m glad you’re happy, that’s all I ever wanted for you. How dare you say those words when for years you tormented me and broke me. You knowingly hurt me, you know that I’m now able to breathe fresh air after nothing but the smell of your poisonous gas for years and it’s killing you isn’t it? You know what I am damn happy finally and it’s not because of you or anyone else for that matter, I did this all on my own. I don’t need you anymore and I hope the thought of that breaks your heart.”

— B.L letters I never sent (via im-sad-lets-have-sex)

From Suicide to Borderline Personality Disorder

Hi everyone. I am just a small town girl from Indiana who has suffered, and is still suffering suicidal thoughts. I am also autistic, and I love to make difference in the world! There are two small things setting me back however, suicide and Borderline Personality Disorder. 

 I was recently diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder at a pretty young age of 18 years. I was devastated because when I was young, mental illness, to me, meant that those people were bad and usually ended up murdering people. I, since then, have learned that its not always that case. Mental illness should be talked about more, in a good way, like to spread awareness. Now that I have been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, I would like to better myself and make a change for the good in my life, and in others. Having a mental illness is not always a bad thing, it to me just means that you have a different chemical makeup than an average person. Now on to suicide… Suicide has been a struggle for me for many years. Never speaking to my best friend again is a really good example of what caused me to get suicidal. I want to speak to him, but his mother won’t let me. We have been friends for ten plus years. It really hurts. Remember, if you have doubt in yourself, think of all the positive things in your life, or use coping mechanisms to help you stays strong! 

“embrace the void, and have the courage to exist”

- @danielhowell

🌻happy world mental health day🌻

You’d think that nothing can break your heart more than what they did to you, but then you make the mistake of reading your old conversations with them? And you can pinpoint the exact moment where the tone of their messages changed. The exact moment after which it was only you who initiated conversation. The exact moment they stopped putting in effort. The exact moment they decided they didn’t want you anymore. And there is nothing worse than that.

8 Reasons why Relationships End

1. Different values, dreams and goals

2. Different levels of commitment/ hopes and expectations for the relationship

3. Being too incompatible/ having few interests in common

4. Dishonesty/ having secrets

5. Lack of trust / betraying trust

6. Imbalance in emotional needs/ level of support both wanted and given

7. Communication problems

8. Being unloving, disrespectful, rude, uncaring, unforgiving or mean.

“I will never understand how people decide to get up and just leave. How do you go from telling someone their importance and meaning to you one week and avoiding them the next? Did you actually mean what you said, or were you just lying like everyone else?”

“Do you regret it?” “Being the one who cared more? No. Not in the way you might think. I mean, sure I got hurt. Sure, he moved on with his heart intact and I’ve been picking up the pieces ever since. But I get to sleep easy at night knowing that I will love again. That I can love that much. And that he can’t. Not now, not until he lets go of the high that comes with being the one who leaves, who only loves when it is convenient. I don’t want a love of convenience. And if you have to be the one who always leaves, well, that’s the only kind you get.”

— L.A.L. 

“He is not thinking about you, he never does. As much as that hurts, it’s as simple as that.”

— Why he won’t reply to you.

So here I am, stuck. Stuck between being afraid to love you and wanting to love you. You are the first person I’ve ever felt this way about and I know this is going to ruin me.

I can’t stop falling for you.

It’s scary to love.

Because once I love someone, unloving them will not happen easily.

They can break my heart, twist it in their hands, and stomp on it.

And yet, I foolishly will forgive them for the pain they caused.

I will forgive them for the nights that I screamed into my pillow in agony trying to comprehend how someone could break me in every single spot.

How could that person break me, when all I ever wanted was to make them feel whole.

People walk away.

They let go,

And I’m always the one trying to reassemble the ties they so desperately wanted to cut.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BD5tljWknk0/

Until you get comfortable with being alone, you’ll never know if you’re choosing someone out of love or loneliness

“We often confuse love for a warm glow we sense in our bellies and as something we can offer and withdraw, like a cat who comes and goes at its pleasure. It’s easy for us to extend love toward those who are lovable, but loving people and situations that are not to our liking isn’t so easy. We give our love “unconditionally,” but when we don’t receive what we feel we deserve, we withdraw it. We then reinvest our love in a new person or situation that we think will give us a better return, but we find it difficult to maintain when we don’t feel recognized or acknowledged. If things don’t work out the way we want them to, we too readily exchange our loving feelings for hatred and resentment. Our initial excitement over a new job, for instance, may sour and become disappointment and bitterness. When we’ve been jilted by a lover, the intense, starry-eyed passion of infatuation can turn into loathing so great that it consumes us. To an Earthkeeper, love is not a feeling or something you barter with. Love is the essence of who you are, and it radiates from you as a brilliant aura: You become love, practice fearlessness, and attain enlightenment.”

— Alberto Villoldo, The Four Insights     (via spirituallyminded)

“But if they were truly in love with you they would’ve fought for you. But they didn’t. And sadly that means you loved them more than they loved you.”

I’m a little fucked up but oh well.

“letting go of you was painful. I will never forget the way you made me laugh or the way you set my body on fire with the slightest touch. but I also have to remember how you stabbed me and kept pushing the dagger in deeper with no regrets.”

— you loved me once but not again (the art of letting go)

I go to bed every single night wondering why having me wasn’t enough for you.

Boundless, Cynthia Hand