From Suicide To Borderline Personality Disorder

From Suicide to Borderline Personality Disorder

Hi everyone. I am just a small town girl from Indiana who has suffered, and is still suffering suicidal thoughts. I am also autistic, and I love to make difference in the world! There are two small things setting me back however, suicide and Borderline Personality Disorder. 

 I was recently diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder at a pretty young age of 18 years. I was devastated because when I was young, mental illness, to me, meant that those people were bad and usually ended up murdering people. I, since then, have learned that its not always that case. Mental illness should be talked about more, in a good way, like to spread awareness. Now that I have been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, I would like to better myself and make a change for the good in my life, and in others. Having a mental illness is not always a bad thing, it to me just means that you have a different chemical makeup than an average person. Now on to suicide… Suicide has been a struggle for me for many years. Never speaking to my best friend again is a really good example of what caused me to get suicidal. I want to speak to him, but his mother won’t let me. We have been friends for ten plus years. It really hurts. Remember, if you have doubt in yourself, think of all the positive things in your life, or use coping mechanisms to help you stays strong! 

“Do you regret it?” “Being the one who cared more? No. Not in the way you might think. I mean, sure I got hurt. Sure, he moved on with his heart intact and I’ve been picking up the pieces ever since. But I get to sleep easy at night knowing that I will love again. That I can love that much. And that he can’t. Not now, not until he lets go of the high that comes with being the one who leaves, who only loves when it is convenient. I don’t want a love of convenience. And if you have to be the one who always leaves, well, that’s the only kind you get.”

— L.A.L. 

“embrace the void, and have the courage to exist”

- @danielhowell

🌻happy world mental health day🌻

Until you get comfortable with being alone, you’ll never know if you’re choosing someone out of love or loneliness