OMG YES! Ilysm!

OMG YES! Ilysm!

ALSO @feelbokkie ‘s SMAUS ARE ROP NOTCH ur being trained by the best omg a wueen in the making

HEY GIRLIE

so basically

To all of bestfriends, i send a YOOOOHHHHH before i start my posts, and since i literally love ur fics, can i do that?

Also HELLO HOW ARE YOU SO GOOD AT WRITING A LIL CONCERNED FOR MYSELF

also ur so consistent ilysm

Hope u have a good time ahead! <3

HI HI DELLA!!

That's so cute! you're like changbin then!! I love that! Please do it!

Ahhh thank you so much! I used to write a while before, so I decided to finally start an account after @feelbokkie encouraged me to. And she's been helping me get into smaus, and I really enjoy those!!

Everyone has already been so nice to me, I feel like I will really enjoy my time here!

I so so so genuinely needed this, km flying back home and the trip has me become really sad and frustrated and i cant even cry, im so happy this popped up

what was i made for?

pairing: skz member x reader

warnings: angst, sad, feeling empty and hopeless

✿: @hhwangsmoon @straywrds @l3visbby @armysantiny @hwajin @casualtaelyn @staybangchan @hopeladybug @midsoulz @aestheticsluut @venustired @abiaswreck @reallyloudstarlight @deathlypink @djeniryuu @rachabreathing @alyszaen @starlostseungmin @bokk-minnie @spicymooseeyes @arlojulien-nightchild-of-hades @downbadreading @moasworld @ren0325 @ketchupaeternum

note: and not doing too good mentally and needed to write something comforting. ended up using youtiful and what was i made for as inspiration <3 wanted to write something where you could imagine the member of your choosing!! I hope despite the angst that you enjoy this one

Your disappearances don’t go unnoticed by him.

He sees the way your features fall when you think he’s not looking.

He sees the frown that tugs on your lips and the tears that well in your eyes before you quickly try to blink them away.

He hears the sighs you let out when you think he’s busy and can’t hear you.

Worst of all, he hears the muffled sniffles coming from the bathroom every time you excuse yourself.

He knows you’ll talk to him when you’re ready but he can only take so much of your red nose and blood shot eyes.

After your fourth time excusing yourself to the bathroom, he finds himself waiting only inches from the door for you to come out.

Five minutes pass. Ten minutes. Then another five.

He listens with a heavy heart as you sniffle, small gasps leaving you as you try to keep yourself quiet.

He feels his own eyes begin to sting.

You were suffering.

He knows you don’t want to burden him. That’s why you disappear. That’s why you smile brightly when you return—trying to convince the both of you that you’re alright and that things will be alright.

His knuckles rasp against the door, hearing a small gasp leave you.

“J-Just a minute.”

His chest clenches at the way your voice shakes.

“Take your time. But know that you don’t have to go through this alone,” he whispers.

Your silent for a moment.

“You don’t have to tell me what’s going on in that pretty head of yours. But let me at least be with you while you go through this.”

In the next moment the door unlocks.

Your glossy eyes meet his before a heart wrenching sob leaves you. He quickly takes you into his arms, burying his face into your neck as he holds you close.

Nothing hurts more that seeing his person in pain like this.

He continues to hold your body close to his as it wracks with your sobs.

“I just feel so empty,” you cry out against his chest.

He feels his own tears leave his eyes at the pain in your voice, tightening his hold on you.

“I feel—I don’t even know what I feel or what I’m doing. Why am I even here? W-What was I even made for?”

Every utterance from you broke his heart further. He knew that if he could take away your pain that he would in a heartbeat.

“Your life has a purpose Y/n. You’re here for a reason. It’s scary to feel that way, to feel hopeless and empty and like nothing is going according to plan. But know that I’ll always be by your side. I’ll stick with you through it all. You don’t have to do this alone.”

He cries with you this time. Crumbling with you to the floor as the two of you hold each other like your lives depend on it.

And maybe they do.

“I love you,” comes in a broken whisper but he catches it.

His fingers card gently through your hair, pulling you closer to him as he presses a kiss to your forehead.

“I love you. You mean so much to me. You’re amazing as you are and one day I know you’ll see it too. I’m certain that everything will work out for you my love. One day you will be happy,” he promises.

“Everything will be okay?”

He pulls away slightly, gently wiping away your tears as he presses a wet kiss to the tip of your nose.

“Everything will be okay.”

He was certain of it and once glance let him know that you were certain of it too.

Pairing : BF!Han Jisung x F!Reader TW : established relationship ; arguing ; panicked Jisung ; kind of angsty but mainly fluff ; a little suggestive at the end ; Word Count : 3.0k Request : @moon0fthenight : a hanji fic (angst cause its ur forte OFC) where you have a small argument with him, and so you give him space understandingly, but he misunderstands your intention and thinks that you are givjng silent treatment so breaks down with a panic attack and vents all his work struggle and you comfort him

“Thank you!” You chimed as you grabbed the carry out bag from the girl working the window, making sure it wouldn’t tip over before moving out of the drive-thru lane and heading back out on the road again. 

Jisung and the rest of 3RACHA had been working late nights yet again, staying up until the crack of dawn trying to perfect the songs that would be coming out in the next album that hadn’t even been announced yet. They were always ahead, but you worried about them and their lack of rest. That’s just one of the reasons you were heading out to the studio right now, the scent of grease from the fast food filling your car, and while you knew it wasn’t the healthiest meal, you wanted it to be something quick that they could munch on, and then hopefully they’d all decide to just head on home and get some sleep when they were done eating. 

Making your way into the building and over to the elevator, you clutched the bag in one hand and the cup holder in the other hand against your chest, hoping that you wouldn’t accidentally drop or spill any on your way to the studio. It was a surprise, you wanted the guys, especially Jisung, to know that you cared about them. 

As you walked down the hallway, the soda in the cups sloshing against the plastic lids, you could hear them faintly talking behind one of the doors. The light of Chans computer slipped through the crack between the actual door and the frame, and you wondered just how focused they had been on working that they didn’t even shut the door all the way. 

At least it would make it easier for you to get into the room, and you nudged the door with your hip to push it open further, flashing your brightest smile to the guys who all looked up at you with the most confused looks. “Jisung…” Changbin muttered to your boyfriend who sighed heavily before pushing himself up off the couch. 

“It’s late… What are you doing here?” He asked as he walked over to you, eyeing the food that you were holding before his eyes moved back up to your face. It surely wasn’t the reaction that you were expecting, but you wrote it off as them just being tired. 

You held up the food bag, your smile never faltering, although it felt like the guys in the room were less than happy that you had come in. “I brought you all some food, you’ve been working so hard. I just wanted to check up on you three…” You explained, finally setting the bag of food down on the little side table before placing down the cup holder as well. “I was wondering when you’d come home… I’m worried about you all.” 

“Jisung…” Chan now said his name, more sternly this time as he swiveled his chair around, removing the headphones from his ears and dangling them around his neck. They were all staring at you, and the looks that you were getting from the three were a mixture of annoyance, irritation, and even a little bit of anger. 

“Sorry, hyung…” Jisung mumbled, placing his hand on the small of your back and leading you out of the studio and back into the hallway. “You don’t have to check up on me. I’m not a baby.” Jisung said sharply once he had gotten you out of the room, and the words hit you a little harder than they probably would have if he had just said them over a call or through text. “If I’m not home, and I’m not answering your calls or your texts, then just assume I’m busy and don’t bother me. This is setting us back. You’re setting us back right now.” 

You had gone out of your way to make sure they were fed, you had done it out of the kindness of your heart, because you cared about your boyfriend and you cared about his friends, and they were all looking at you like some sort of burden. It was one thing for Chan and Bin to look at you that way, you didn’t really care, but for your boyfriend to see you in that light, that was painful. “I was just… I was trying to make sure you ate… I wanted to make sure you were okay…” You whispered, trying to swallow down the lump that was forming in your throat. 

Jisungs eyes were like daggers as he rolled them, shadowed in the low light of the dimly lit hallway. “I didn’t ask for that. You came here unannounced, we were doing good, we were almost finished. I just need some space, that’s all I’m asking for. Space and time to get done the things I need to do. You think you can manage to let me have that?” 

While you hoped that he didn’t really mean the things that he was saying, you couldn’t be sure considering the fact that he sounded so serious right now. “Y-Yeah… I’m sorry…” Was all you could manage to say. What else could you say to that? You didn’t come here expecting an argument, you didn’t come here thinking that he’d be mad at you for surprising him. You had been completely sideswiped by his and the other guys' reactions, and all you could do was feel the pain from his words as you backtracked down the hallway, the sound of the door slamming shut echoing off the walls on either side of you. 

Space… Time and space… That’s what he needed, and that’s what you’d give him. With much thought, you realized that he was just working hard, and maybe you were a little bit overbearing at times, but that’s just because you loved him, you cared about him. It was hard, but you’d give him what he needed so he and the guys could get done what they needed to do, and then when that was over, you’d be able to talk to him hopefully. 

You packed a couple clothes and other necessities into a small bookbag, heading to your parents house under the pretense that you missed them and the house felt lonely without Jisung there. It wasn’t exactly a lie, but you weren’t going to tell your parents about the small tiff that you and your boyfriend got into either. You’d stay there for a couple days, not just to give him the space, but to keep yourself from overthinking about his words, because while you had come to the conclusion that he didn’t actually mean them, it didn’t change the fact that they still hurt. 

It was easy to keep yourself busy while you were there. You hadn’t seen your family in so long, that a better half of your stay was just you catching up with them and talking to them about how things had been since you were gone. You went shopping and helped with dinner and chores, and you spent late nights staying up watching shows with your mom just to make up for missed time. You barely even had your phone on you, let alone the time to check it for texts. 

“Hey babe, we finished working on the album! Wanna celebrate with us?” “Totally cool if you don’t want to do a group celebration. Maybe you and I can go out for dinner or something?” “I miss you, I haven’t seen you in a bit. I’m coming home today, I spent the night at the dorms, I can’t wait to sleep in our bed with you again.” “Are you busy with work or something? You haven’t answered in a whole 24 hours and that’s totally not like you… I love you!!” “I came home and you’re not here… You’re just working… Right?” “Your toothbrush is gone…” “Your brush is gone…” “Your clothes and your bookbag are gone… I really hope that maybe we just got robbed and you’re at work right now or something because I’m getting kinda scared…” “Babe…?” “I know that what I said wasn’t nice and I’m sorry, please don’t leave me. I love you so much, you don’t understand.” “Baby, please. I’m getting scared, I’m really scared. Tell me you’re coming back. Just call me. Please I didn’t mean it!”

When you finally got to check your phone close to the end of your visit, your entire lock screen was filled with notifications from him, and when you checked them, you silently cursed yourself for not checking your phone more often while you were there. The last thing you wanted to do was to make him think that you were actually mad at him, but you knew how he was, and you knew he was probably freaking out already considering the last message was sent a day ago. If he wasn’t panicking to the other guys at the moment, you were sure he was lying in bed crying. 

“Ji ended up coming back home a little earlier than we thought.” You excused yourself as you walked through the living room with your bag swung over your shoulder. “I had a great time, I’ll come back and do this again soon, I promise.” You hated having to leave your family on such short notice, but with Jisungs anxiety and you knew how he could get, you were worried about leaving him alone for too long with the assumption swimming in his head that you had actually left him. 

“Oh no, that’s okay. Next time you come up, bring him with you. We haven’t seen him in a while either.” Your mom said, cheerful and still unaware of the reason behind your presence and the reason for your rushed departure. “I love you, come back soon, okay?” You nodded in agreement, taking an extra second to give everyone a hug before running out the front door and throwing your stuff in the backseat before climbing into the front and starting the drive back home. 

You had tried to call him on your drive back home, and either he didn’t have his phone on him, or he was actively ignoring you, because he wasn’t picking up and that scared you even more. As you pulled up to the house, the sun was just beginning to set, but none of the lights in the house were on. Was he even home? 

Not even bothering to grab your bags from the back, you jumped out of the car and ran up to the front door, fumbling with your keys to unlock it only to realize that it hadn’t been locked at all. Usually he would lock the door no matter what, worried about crazed fans or even just robbers breaking in and hurting either you, him, or both. Your heart was already racing as you slowly stepped into the dark house, not even bothering to kick off your shoes as you flicked on the lights and made your way around. 

Everything felt quiet, too quiet, too still, and you worried that maybe he really had left after you failed to respond to his texts. You were about to leave, go to the dorms to see if he was there or if any of the other guys knew where he was, when you heard the toilet flush and the slight creak of the bathroom door as it opened. “Ji?” You questioned softly, feeling more like the main character in a horror movie right now than a worried girlfriend. 

All those fears subsided though when you heard him gasp, the hall light flicking on and revealing your boyfriend, his hair disheveled and his eyes bloodshot, his cheeks and the tip of his nose blushed a dark pink and his lips chapped from breathing a little too much and a little too heavily. “Y/N…” He croaked out your name, but he didn’t move from the center of the hallway and the domed light above his head was more like a spotlight on him in contrast to the darkness of the rest of the house. 

“I thought you left.” You whispered, finally taking the time to take off your shoes before walking over to him. “Why were all the lights out? It’s so dark… You could have tripped over something and hurt yourself.” You quietly scolded him, your fingers gingerly moving his hair out of his face only to realize that it had been curtaining just how sad he truly looked. 

“I thought you left…” He retorted, but he didn’t move away from your touch, he actually seemed to melt into it. “The light hurt my eyes… I was crying so much… I thought you were gone. I… I didn’t know what to do, and you weren’t answering my texts, I didn’t even know if they went through and none of the guys knew where you were. I got into an argument with Chan and Changbin… I was so scared…” He rambled, and your heart ached for him, knowing that you put him through so much. 

Your arms moved down to wrap around his waist, burying your face in his chest, breathing in the comforting scent of him that you had missed so much while you were away. “I would never leave you… You said that you needed space… That’s what I was giving you.” You explained, and his silence afterwards had you pulling back, looking up at him to see the fresh tears that were spilling down his cheeks as his eyebrows furrowed and his bottom lip trembled. 

“I don’t know why I said that…” He shakily mumbled, his hand moving up to the back of your head to pull you against his chest once more, like he was truly scared that you’d leave him again. “I was just so busy with the new album and… It’s so stressful sometimes working with them. I just wanted to get done and come home to you… And… I fucked up, I know I did.” 

“No you didn’t…” Your words were slightly muffled by his shirt, but you hoped that he heard you. “Baby… Ji, listen…” You moved your head back and then took a step back so you could look at him, but your motion had his eyes widening with panic as his hands reached out to you again. “I know that you get stressed, and I know that sometimes I can be a little… overbearing-” 

“N-No… You’re not… I love when you come visit me at work. I love when you show me that you care.” He cut you off, his chest rising and falling heavily as he verged closer to having another anxiety attack and you quickly shushed him, rushing back into his arms, and while the one on the receiving end of the hug would usually be the one comforted, you knew that allowing him to hug you was comforting enough to him. 

“You didn’t let me finish…” You murmured, making sure that your mouth wasn’t squished against his chest this time so he would really hear you. “I know that I can be overbearing sometimes… but it’s because I love you, and I care about you, and I don’t want you to overwork yourself. I know that you get tired, and when you’re tired, you get kind of grumpy. I wasn’t mad about what you said… It was kind of upsetting, but I understood that it didn't come from a place of anger… You were just exhausted, and you were stressed… And I wasn’t… I would never leave you because of that.” You tilted your head up to look at him, your own eyes glossing over with your own tears that seemed to form just from seeing his. “Did you at least eat what I brought you guys?” You asked, trying to slightly verge the topic from being so sad, and he sheepishly chuckled as his head nodded. 

“Yeah… And I felt like shit about it too. We all did… My burger was extra salty because of my tears.” He answered, and you couldn’t help but laugh as you tightened your arms around his waist, nuzzling into his chest. “I’m just glad you’re home… I missed you so much… And… And next time you come to the studio to surprise me, I’ll let you sit on my lap and I’ll hold you… I think you being there will make me feel better.” 

You hummed softly, nodding in agreement to his words. “If that’s what you’ll do next time I come to the studio, I’ll have to visit more often.” You lightly teased, moving your arms up to drape around his neck as you pulled him down just enough to press a kiss to his lips. “I missed you too.” You murmured against his lips, feeling the corners pull up slightly as his fingers fisted the loose fabric of the t-shirt you were wearing. 

“Please do… I’ll just kick the guys out if I want to be alone with you…” His voice was low now as he slowly began to back you up towards the bedroom. “Can I make it up to you… For upsetting you… For being awful and rude…?” 

You smirked as you pulled back to look at him, your eyes narrowed suspiciously. “Mm… I don’t know… I think you just want to get me in bed…” You jokingly remarked, although you weren’t really against the idea, your finger hooked into the bottom of his shirt as you lightly pulled him along with you until your knees hit the edge of the bed and you fell back onto it. 

“It might be a little bit of that too…” He mused, falling onto the bed over top of you and holding himself up just enough on his elbows. “But I want to show you that I love you… How much I appreciate you…” He dipped down, his lips latching onto your neck, and you could feel through his shirt that his body was burning up. God you loved this man, you loved everything about him, and when his lips finally got done working on the the exposed skin of your neck and he looked down at you with eyes that were both so dark, but so bright at the same time, you knew that you’d do anything for him as long as you got to be with him forever. He was everything to you, and you could tell by the way that he looked at you that you were everything to him. “Can I?” 

Permanent TL : @whatudowhennooneseesyou @duchesskaren @mytherapisttoldmenotto @lovesunshinefelix @moon0fthenight @kurolils @maruskz @hello-2-u-from-me @mrswolfiechan @bunnychangbin @his-angell @if-spearb @yomomma104 @lanatheawesome @facelesswrittes @grannyindehouse

AHHHH SAENGIL CHUKHAEYO! 🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼

happy birthday to me!

it's been a rough journey getting to 23 but i'm still here ¡!¡!¡!

Pairing : BF!Lee Felix x F!Reader TW : pregnancy ; no childbirth (yet?) ; mention of an abortion ; Felix is a POS ; angst no fluff ; Word Count : 2.5k Request : @lovesunshinefelix : can I get an angsty felix request diff from his pregnancy series wherein felix is an absolute fucking asshole and left the reader when he found out they were pregnant, u decide what happens next surprise me AN : I hope that you are thoroughly surprised by this, I hate making him the asshole honestly, but at the same time I absolutely love it!! I just love writing stuff like this!! I hope you love this girlie, this is for you!

Double pink lines showed on all six white tests that were evenly spaced along the bathroom counter. They were dark, they were undeniable, not a single discrepancy is any of them. It was a fact now… You were pregnant, and your boyfriend… he was on tour, for the next three months. 

It’s not that you didn’t want to tell him, it was quite the opposite actually. You wanted him to know, but he was such a sweetheart, he cared about you so much, you knew that if you told him during the tour, he’d drop everything just to come home and be with you. It was the early stages of your pregnancy, and you knew that for now, you’d be able to handle whatever was thrown your way, whether it be symptoms or doctors appointments. It was easier to hide right now too, you didn’t have to worry about him catching on. If he questioned why you hid it from him, your main reason was that you weren’t sure if the pregnancy was 100% yet. The first 12 weeks were the scariest and the most uncertain, and you didn’t want him or yourself to get too excited, especially if it ended in a miscarriage. It was a valid reason, and it had you keeping your mouth shut until he came through the front door. 

Unexpected and unplanned was the announcement at your 12 week ultrasound, that not only were you pregnant, but you were having twins. Two babies, and you rightfully panicked for a second because that was… It wasn’t planned to even get pregnant with one, let alone two, but you knew that with Felix by your side, you’d be able to get through it. He was the ray of sunshine that you held tightly onto whenever things seemed to be a little too hectic, or when things started to feel like a little too much. 

As the weeks passed on though, you started to just… Get used to the fact that you were carrying two children, and maybe it was a maternal instinct, maybe it was the fact that they were his children, or maybe it was a bit of both that had you growing excited even at the thought of having this little family with him. You couldn’t wait to tell Felix, you couldn’t wait to officially start this journey into parenthood with him by your side. It would only be a couple more days until he came back home, and now you were giddily counting down the days to tell him the exciting news. 

“I think we caught every single red light on the way here.” Felix exclaimed as he trodded through the front door, his suitcases parked off to the side as he kicked off his shoes. “Hey, angel… You look beautiful as always. Did ya miss me?” He asked, the irritation that had initially coated his words seemed to be shaken off as soon as he laid eyes on you sitting on the couch. Your smile was bright as you watched him, anticipation building in your stomach and sending a shiver through you. 

“Of course I did. I always miss you.” You chimed from the couch, making sure to keep yourself covered with the thick throw blanket so that he wouldn’t see your stomach. It had grown quite a lot already, something that was both shocking, but also expected considering you were having twins. “How was the flight?” You wanted to make small talk, just so he could get settled back in before you dropped the news on him, although you were quite certain he’d take it well, you just didn’t want to shock him immediately. 

He rolled his shoulders and his neck, stretching his arms up as he walked into the kitchen, rummaging through the fridge to grab a bottle of water before making his way to the couch to drop down beside you. “It was good, not as comfortable as being able to sit or lay beside you, but it was bearable. Changbin didn’t snore too loud behind me, so I got a good amount of sleep so I’d be well rested when I got home to you.” His arm draped over your shoulder as he leaned against you. “I couldn’t wait to see you again.” 

Now was your chance, he was in a good mood, he was rested, he was close to you, now all you had to do was tell him. “I couldn’t wait to see you either… I’ve got some pretty big news to tell you.” Even though you were almost 100% certain that he’d take it well, you couldn’t help the jitters that coursed through your body causing your voice to tremble with your nerves. His eyes widened as well as his smile, his body turning almost completely to give you his full attention before nodding to you to tell you to continue. “I’m… I’m pregnant! They're twins!” 

And while your excitement seemed to grow exponentially from telling him, his dwindled to nothing almost immediately. His smile fell and his eyes wavered, his hands pulling away from yours to fold in his lap. “You’re… Sure about this? You’ve… You’ve been to the doctors and everything for it?” He questioned, and maybe he was just nervous about getting excited too soon, so you quickly nodded, reaching out to grab his hands in an act of reassurance that everything would be okay, that everything was okay, but he moved his hands away from yours, shoving them in his pockets as he jumped up off the couch. “How far along are you?” He blurted out quite harshly, and while you were used to him apologizing almost immediately after sounding so rude, the apology never came. 

“I’m… Almost four months…” You whispered, slowly pulling back the blanket to show him the swell of your stomach, and you saw his chest rise, puffing out with the large breath that he took in. “It’s okay though… They’re okay, they’re healthy.” You once again tried to reassure him, assuming that his panic was caused by not being there when you found out. 

“I don’t care about that! I’ve got five months to figure out how the hell I’m going to juggle my job and paying child support to not just one, but two fucking kids!” He rambled, but the mention of child support had your head tilting to the side, your lips parting to question what he meant, but you couldn’t seem to find the words. “Don’t look at me like that… You know that I can’t do this. I’m too fucking young to deal with my job and two fucking kids. I didn’t want this… You threw this on me!” 

With every single word, it was like a vicious attack, and that beautiful future that you had spent the past couple weeks imagining started to spin, like a tornado, the images a whirling vortex that were sent down the drain. “I thought… I thought that you’d be happy. You always talked about having a life together… Spending forever together… Where did that go?” The sight of him rolling his eyes had your stomach tightening and your nerves kicking into overdrive. This wasn’t how this was supposed to go… This wasn’t what you had planned on at all. “I-I.. I didn’t want this either… I’m young too…” 

He scoffed, his nose crinkled into a look of disgust as his eyes flickered down to your stomach and then up to your face. “I didn’t ask you to keep them. If you would have told me sooner, I would have told you to abort it, get rid of it.” It was like a stab, a gunshot, there was bile rising in your throat at the thought of getting rid of the two little beans that had become such a big part of you, you honestly couldn’t imagine not having them in your tummy. “And don’t even try to make it seem like I’m the bad guy in this. You sprung this shit on me as soon as I got back from a fucking tour… That should have been your first sign. I mean, what did you think would happen? Everything would be sunshine and rainbows and I’d be this happy go lucky guy somehow maintaining a career where I’m constantly in the fucking spotlight, during brand sponsorships and bunch of other shit… And you just… You expect me to have time for you? For children? You’ve gotta be out of your mind.” 

And maybe you were, maybe you had lost sense of the reality of your relationship and how hard it was to actually see him, how little you spent time with him. Maybe you really were out of your mind as he had said, thinking that being pregnant would somehow bring him closer to you instead of pushing him away. “I wasn’t going to do that…” You mumbled, your hand moving down to rub over your stomach, seeming to be your own source of comfort now that Felix was clearly disgusted by you. “You don’t have to worry about anything… You don’t even have to pay child support. You’re right… I sprung this on you and… You obviously don’t want any parts of it. I’m not going to force you…” 

Letting out a humorless chuckle, he folded his arms over his chest, glaring down at you. “Oh, sure. You say that, but once it gets to be too much for you, you’ll be trying to take me to court. It’ll make front page news online and then you’ll get the pity party. I can see it now.” It was pretty eye opening to see now just how lowly he thought of you. You had been blinded by the rays of sunshine that seemed to radiate off of him whenever he was around, but it was like you had put on sunglasses, you could block those out, and now you could see who he truly was. 

“I’m not taking you to court.” You snapped, having enough of him being not just an asshole, but ruthlessly so. “You’re not the man that I thought you were, and you’re definitely not the man that I want in my children’s lives, so you don’t have to worry about me trying to force you to do anything or asking for your money. I don’t want your money, because like you said, I can see it now. All of the fans that follow you like you’re some kind of fucking god will call me a gold digger and a bunch of other awful shit, and to be quite honest, I don’t need that and neither do my kids. So once you walk out of that door, I’m done. I’m done with you and everything that has to do with you. The only part of you that I love now are the children that you gave me, the children that you don’t want.” 

Your entire body was trembling, and the tears flowed freely down your cheeks. They weren’t tears of sadness though, they were tears of anger, unable to hold back the burst of emotions that coursed through you, and unable to channel them properly. “Promise?” He snidely cracked back at you, and it was the final nail in the coffin. He wasn’t who you thought he was at all, he was nothing like the way his fans portrayed him. It was all an act, and the character that he had been playing as was gone now, revealing the true Felix that you had mistakenly fallen in love with. 

“Promise.” You retorted flatly, finally pushing yourself up off the couch and walking to the door, and with your back turned to him, you hadn’t caught the way he his jaw had dropped when finally seeing you fully, you hadn’t caught the way his fingers twitched to reach out to grab you, the way his eyes blinked a few times to snap him back to reality just a little too late. “I’ll pack your stuff up and leave it on the porch, I’ll text you when I’m all done, and then I’ll block your number and delete it so you don’t have to worry about me bothering you. You can move on with your life and your career.” You said as you grabbed the suitcases and wheeled them to the center of the entryway. “You already have some of your stuff to leave with.” You pulled open the front door, moving over to the side to give him room to walk out. “Bye.” 

The damage was already done, and it’s not like you’d believe him or even be willing to listen if he tried to go back on his words right now, so he kept up with the act, sneering at you as he grabbed his luggage and wheeled it out the front door, stepping out onto the porch. Maybe if he turned around one last time and you saw the look of regret in his eyes you’d let him talk, but the door was already being slammed shut, and the locks clicked, and he knew that you were probably already breaking down on the couch, a complete mess because of what he had said. 

There was nothing he could do now except trudge over to the side of the road, his phone gripped tightly in his shaking hands as he texted his leader, asking to be picked up. Twins… he wasn’t ready for it, he wasn’t in the right place in his life to take on that kind of responsibility… But he hadn’t even given himself a chance to try. He immediately attacked you, and maybe it was the jet lag or the stress from just coming back home and simply wanting to enjoy one evening without having something else to worry about… But none of those things were truly an excuse for what he had said or the way he behaved because you were surely more stressed than him, and now that stress had quadrupled all because of him. 

Twins… Two children, his own children, little drops of sun that were part him, and part you. You, the only person who he ever loved before, the only person he could ever see himself loving… And he ruined it. A family, one that he’d never get to spend time with, that he had so easily given up on as if it wasn’t important at all. Sons… Daughters… Maybe one of each… He’d never get to meet them though. He’d never get to experience that feeling of holding his children for the first time or watching them take their first steps. He’d never feel that excitement as he bore witness to each and every milestone. He gave all of that up the second he started his rant, the second those thoughts weasel’d their way into his mind and were actually spoken. Maybe he’d watch from a distance, living the life that he turned his back on through pictures or videos that you hopefully might post online. It wouldn’t be the same… But it was all he would have, all he would ever have. 

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Feelin’ very Marilyn Monroe

No one asked me to, but I did it anyway.