I Am Not... Entierly Happy About How Many "recover From Trauma Tip" Lists Thing I Have Done And Found

I am not... entierly happy about how many "recover from trauma tip" lists thing I have done and found super helpful

one of the more valuable things I’ve learned in life as a survivor of a mentally unstable parent is that it is likely that no one has thought through it as much as you have. 

no, your friend probably has not noticed they cut you off four times in this conversation. 

no, your brother didn’t realize his music was that loud while you were studying. 

no, your bff or S.O. doesn’t remember that you’re on a tight deadline right now.

no, no one else is paying attention to the four power dynamics at play in your friend group right now.  

a habit of abused kids, especially kids with unstable parents, is the tendency to notice every little detail. We magnify small nuances into major things, largely because small nuances quickly became breaking points for parents. Managing moods, reading the room, perceiving danger in the order of words, the shift of body weight….it’s all a natural outgrowth of trying to manage unstable parents from a young age. 

Here’s the thing: most people don’t do that. I’m not saying everyone else is oblivious, I’m saying the over analysis of minor nuances is a habit of abuse. 

I have a rule: I do not respond to subtext. This includes guilt tripping, silent treatments, passive aggressive behavior, etc. I see it. I notice it. I even sometimes have to analyze it and take a deep breath and CHOOSE not to respond. Because whether it’s really there or just me over-reading things that actually don’t mean anything, the habit of lending credence to the part of me that sees danger in the wrong shift of body weight…that’s toxic for me. And dangerous to my relationships. 

The best thing I ever did for myself and my relationships was insist upon frank communication and a categorical denial of subtext. For some people this is a moral stance. For survivors of mentally unstable parents this is a requirement of recovery. 

I love being at work and in a good mood.

Whistling happily as I look up the contact information of work safety authorities so i can hand in my firms insane and careless breaches of basic safety.

The process for setting up hardware that can kill you is: "Whoever can do it. No knowledge or training required. The checklist for what to do is inside the heads of some people in the firm... Probably...maybe, and if those people randomly are near they will tell you what they think they remember they know"

I had a hardware setup that KILLS YOU if you touch the wrong parts. And it had been running FOR A MONTH before someone said "I... seem to remember us being told that the rules say you have to print and fill out a risk assessment and hang it on the safety rail?"

Goodie!

I use this!

Like using the kitchen after I cleaned it, or using a table I cleared to do a project on.

I counter the dumb "But it took efford to get it clean, so I should not use it" thing with "Eh, sucks to be past me. Like I know what that moron did, he can freaking deal with it"

bored of "that's a problem for future me"? try the fresh and dynamic "that's a problem for past me" - consequences shmonsequences, let yesteryou figure it out

The word "Mu" can be used as an answer to a question, with the meaning" The question is wrong".

Like, the answer to "is facism a great, or very great idea?" is not " facism is great... since that is the most negative to facism option"

It is mu. The question is invalid.

You develop tech skills the same way you gain any other skill. You use them.

And if you program, that means you most likely work in teams... with people...

Do you know what you develop when you work with people? People skills.

It is not an question with a answer. The answer is not "Both". The answer is "The question is invalid, since it pretends these skills are seperate"

With problem solving being equal, what’s more important for a developer? Tech skills or people skills?

Ooooooh! What kind of engineer?

Gday, I’m Emile (she/her)

I’m here to get inspiration and motivate myself to be a better version of me by tracking my progress. It’ll be a weird mix of studyblr, productivity, self improvement, etc.

I’m studying to be an engineer and am based in Australia. Please come have a chat!

"Non-binary" is a terrible term

I finally realized what rubbed me the wrong way with the term "Nonbinary".

Which is weird, because it does the cardinal sin of terms. Terms starting with "non" are... universally terrible. It defines what the thing... is not. Which is not telling you anything about what the thing ARE.

AND there IS a term for this! And it is not only more accurate, it is also easier to make people understand!

Binary is 1 way to encode digital signals.

Trilinary or quardlinary is also ways to encode digital signals.

These would be the equivalent of saying

"There are only men and women. Hermafrodites do not exist" ( Binary )

"It is not just male and femal. It is male, female and X" ( Trilinary)

And

"It is not just male and femal. It is male, female, X and Y" ( quardlinary)

"Digital" meaning there is a finite amount of states. ( digit = number. As in "finite number" )

The term for nonbinary, IE " It is not male and female. It is male and female and a range between them with infinite points" would be "analog"

Which I LOVE!

Like "I do not assign my child boxes that they have to pick from, despite those boxes all being more or less inaccurate" is really hard to say and sell to other people. It is too long and complicated.

But since "I treat my offspring like an analog child. Not a digital one." Means the same and is MUCH easier to say AND it conjures in the mind "I treat my child based on how they are. I deal with the reality of the situation, not on semi-random boxes society have come up with"

It is wonderful! The world is full of analog people!

( Sorry for the clickbait title. I am hoping to sneak this post into places where it can upset som "THERE IS ONLY MALE AND FEMALE" people :3 )