Instead Of Using Butter For Your Grilled Cheese, You Should Switch To Linux. You Can Set Up A Virtual

Instead of using butter for your grilled cheese, you should switch to linux. You can set up a virtual machine to try out various distros to see which ones work best for your needs

I am not... entierly happy about how many "recover from trauma tip" lists thing I have done and found super helpful

one of the more valuable things I’ve learned in life as a survivor of a mentally unstable parent is that it is likely that no one has thought through it as much as you have. 

no, your friend probably has not noticed they cut you off four times in this conversation. 

no, your brother didn’t realize his music was that loud while you were studying. 

no, your bff or S.O. doesn’t remember that you’re on a tight deadline right now.

no, no one else is paying attention to the four power dynamics at play in your friend group right now.  

a habit of abused kids, especially kids with unstable parents, is the tendency to notice every little detail. We magnify small nuances into major things, largely because small nuances quickly became breaking points for parents. Managing moods, reading the room, perceiving danger in the order of words, the shift of body weight….it’s all a natural outgrowth of trying to manage unstable parents from a young age. 

Here’s the thing: most people don’t do that. I’m not saying everyone else is oblivious, I’m saying the over analysis of minor nuances is a habit of abuse. 

I have a rule: I do not respond to subtext. This includes guilt tripping, silent treatments, passive aggressive behavior, etc. I see it. I notice it. I even sometimes have to analyze it and take a deep breath and CHOOSE not to respond. Because whether it’s really there or just me over-reading things that actually don’t mean anything, the habit of lending credence to the part of me that sees danger in the wrong shift of body weight…that’s toxic for me. And dangerous to my relationships. 

The best thing I ever did for myself and my relationships was insist upon frank communication and a categorical denial of subtext. For some people this is a moral stance. For survivors of mentally unstable parents this is a requirement of recovery. 

"Non-binary" is a terrible term

I finally realized what rubbed me the wrong way with the term "Nonbinary".

Which is weird, because it does the cardinal sin of terms. Terms starting with "non" are... universally terrible. It defines what the thing... is not. Which is not telling you anything about what the thing ARE.

AND there IS a term for this! And it is not only more accurate, it is also easier to make people understand!

Binary is 1 way to encode digital signals.

Trilinary or quardlinary is also ways to encode digital signals.

These would be the equivalent of saying

"There are only men and women. Hermafrodites do not exist" ( Binary )

"It is not just male and femal. It is male, female and X" ( Trilinary)

And

"It is not just male and femal. It is male, female, X and Y" ( quardlinary)

"Digital" meaning there is a finite amount of states. ( digit = number. As in "finite number" )

The term for nonbinary, IE " It is not male and female. It is male and female and a range between them with infinite points" would be "analog"

Which I LOVE!

Like "I do not assign my child boxes that they have to pick from, despite those boxes all being more or less inaccurate" is really hard to say and sell to other people. It is too long and complicated.

But since "I treat my offspring like an analog child. Not a digital one." Means the same and is MUCH easier to say AND it conjures in the mind "I treat my child based on how they are. I deal with the reality of the situation, not on semi-random boxes society have come up with"

It is wonderful! The world is full of analog people!

( Sorry for the clickbait title. I am hoping to sneak this post into places where it can upset som "THERE IS ONLY MALE AND FEMALE" people :3 )

SQL nearly always.

SQL is based on relational algebra, meaning you have a mathematical garantee for data validity.

And it is well tested, and many automation tools to do it for you. No-sql sacrifices that. ( Note, any category which starts with "no-" is a badly defined category. Always"

No-SQL really only have a use-case when:

1: Your database is so big it needs to be on multiple servers and cannot be broken down to smaller databases

2: You need the database to sync very quickly within itself.

If both of those are true, then SQL might not be the right choice.

And... 99% of databases do not need this. Unless you are making Facebook, twitter or similar you have no need for this.

No-SQL is mostly a bad choice being pushed by Google and Amazon selling cloud solutions ( "cloud solutions" meaning "You have no right to know anytjing about how we store your users data" ) which is done so the big corporations do not have to put too much work into their services and to keep their users ( developers ) in the dark about what is actually happening.

It is much easier to steal your users data when they have no idea about access and what is stored where. Google SPECIFICALLY writes that they WILL access the data you store on their cloud solutions for "business purposes".

Learn SQL, it is not hard, get a automation program to set up your database on a server you actually control. Which can include renting server space.

That is not only the cheaper and more efficient solution in nearly all cases, it comes with the added benefit of not selling YOUR users out to big corp.

If a corporation say they take good care of your data, and use Google, Amazon or certain Microsoft services... they are lying.

Software engineers, how often do you find you’re using SQL vs NoSQL solutions for your systems?

I use this!

Like using the kitchen after I cleaned it, or using a table I cleared to do a project on.

I counter the dumb "But it took efford to get it clean, so I should not use it" thing with "Eh, sucks to be past me. Like I know what that moron did, he can freaking deal with it"

bored of "that's a problem for future me"? try the fresh and dynamic "that's a problem for past me" - consequences shmonsequences, let yesteryou figure it out