He's So Unreasonably Attractive For No Reason Here It's So Not Fair

He's so unreasonably attractive for no reason here it's so not fair 😞

Thinking about Astarion trying to arrange his morning hair by looking at his shadow.

Every single morning, under the warm sunlight, checking his shadow for small flaws. Trying his best to look somewhat good and wishing he could see himself.

Wishing, a reflection of himself would appear in the shadow

Rolan: You know, if you ever get tired of adventuring, you could always come work at Sorcerous Sundries.

Durge: I don't think retail is the right career for me. My rancid blood desires nothing more than to reap death on this world. I am a vile soul, broken beyond repair.

Rolan: Sounds like an average Tuesday around here... We do have an annual employee picnic, though.

Durge: Does that help to soothe the unyielding rage within?

Rolan: *Sad sigh.* No.

Dad, how do I? 🥰

When you ask, "Will you be my Valentine?"

Has been married to the job so long but absolutely, yes, they'd love to be your Valentine:

Alejandro, Price, Ghost.

"Only if you'll be mine.":

Ghost (said like the lovable ass he is), Farah, Alex, Gaz, Roach, Rudy, Graves

Is confused because the last time they checked, they already were:

Horangi, König, Valeria, also Soap, Graves (giving Zoolander)

Fuck a Valentine, they're already planning the wedding:

absolutely, positively SOAP, Keegan

Gremlin cackle and/or bashful giggling:

König (the king of gremlin cackling), Rudy, Roach, very much Gaz (though he'll deny it)

Unresponsive and/or what the fuck is a Valentine (yes, goddamnit, they will be):

Velikan, Nikto, Keegan, Krueger

I like my men clingy and very affectionate