#I Hope They Feel Like Italian Today

#I hope they feel like Italian today

You know all those ways we talk about inhabitable planets to freak each other out? Like how it’s a noteworthy fact that there are worlds out there surrounded in a cloud of boiling acid fog or ones where it rains molten iron? I’ve been thinking a lot about all the weird information Zim has and could be sharing about the disturbing alien rock he’s getting by on.

• The environmental water is so contaminated by toxic pollutants that it dissolves your skin on contact. It also sometimes just pours right out of the sky in wide showers, maybe even for hours.

• The dominant native species is a race of simian-descent bipeds, and are braindead primitives. Literally still a type 0 civilization and completely fractured into hundreds of incompetent countries where the stupid lead the dumb. They do shit like throwing themselves down a hill after a roll of curdled bovine secretions and call it a sport. They burn plants and inhale the combustion fumes knowing that they are damaging their fragile organs in ways their medicine still cannot hope to reverse. Despite all of this, they’re…. Tall.

• The polar ends of the world are frigid wastelands of ice and fathomless seas, where carnivorous megafauna sit at the top of the local food chain. To the North even live things such as moose, enormous horned beasts that are only hunted by humans and bears, and even these predators are occasionally killed by them.

• Speaking of the ocean, it’s like 70% of the whole planet’s surface and not even the humans have any idea wtf is down there really.

• Some plants have evolved fruiting bodies that, when eaten by mammals, simulate the sensation of burning alive to their taste receptors. Humans specifically breed some varieties of these crops to inflict even more simulated pain and inflammation when eaten… and then they eat them.

• Advanced Irken vehicles have a bizarre and currently unexplained terminal weakness to colliding with bees.

• Any prolonged eye contact with the closest star for more than a few seconds causes severe cornea burns and completely blinds a person.

• Because it is so undeveloped and teeming with off the rails organic diversity, it’s an unhygienic horror show at the micro level. Fungus. Parasites. Bacteria. Invisible and literally everywhere and anywhere: in the dirt, in the water, in the air, and on the animals- the humans alone are practically walking petri dishes loaded with trillions of germs. Their bodies might as well be more micro-biome than human cells and it’s impossible to forget the fact when they carry the stench of their personal teeny-zoos everywhere with them.

• So there’s this thing called rabies… it could make a formidable weapon against humans, but you gotta hear what this crazy shit does, my Tallest

PIZZA PARTY ON PLANET DIRT HOPE 2 C U THERE

@cackled0g *finishes snorting all of the new content*

Key points

• the new monster is so incredibly smoochable what a handsome lad

Just MWAH

• (bangs into glacier) ah fuck (another bang) Get it together oh my- (hits waterspout) godDAMNIT

• FUCK that colossal squid aberrant 🖕

• I swear to god sometimes I feel like the traveling lady is the actual main character and I’m just the fish selling npc. What magic powers did she sell someone’s soul for?

• heeehee, creb :y

• I have like $6000 and nothing to spend it on

• When does the narwhal appear? 👀 !📷

:( There isn’t any narwhal, is there?

So glad my queue is still running on because I bought Dredge only like less than 72 hours ago, and I’ve already mowed through both endings, all the side quests, and nearly the whole world encyclopedia. This goddamn game has grabbed me by the sphenoid, wriggled its vivacious little tendrils through my brain, and pulled me under. There is no damn sign of escape or breath any moment soon, but I can’t say it isn’t a fun ride.

thinking about david firth's health reminder again

SALAD FINGERS