Cursed Child: Summary

cursed child: summary

all of this is official and canon according to this source

scorpius albus and scorpius are both slytherin

they’re not gay bc rose and bc officially making characters gay is still too “”“risky”“

there is a rumour that a Time-Turner was used to allow Voldemort to impregnate Astoria, Draco’s wife, who gave birth to Scorpius.”

you cannot unread that (i promise you, it gets worse)

on the bright side, Hermione is Minister of Magic

harry gives everyone cool presents (like his invisibilty cloak) but albus gets an ugly old blanket that was once from harry’s mom

Harry “if ur a slytherin that’s who u are i still love you” potter legitly tells albus severus potter “sometimes i wish you weren’t my son”

albus and scorpius go back in time to fuck shit up so that cedric lives bc apparently that still matters

this chick delphie who says she’s amos diggory’s niece is like “yeah do it”

so they come back and all that’s changed is albus is in gryffindor bc that makes sense

dumbledore is there post-mortem to do what he does best: give fucking vague advice

harry then tells albus “don’t be friends w scorpius, literally ur only friend ever, anymore”

so like the obvious solution is that albus and scorpius go back in time to fuck shit up a g a i n

scorpius returns to the future alone, to a universe where umbridge greets him to celebrate voldemort day

harry potter died years ago, albus never existed

also scorpius is hot shit in this au apparently and a big muggle hater

quote bc i could never phrase it so well:

“Every girl at Hogwarts is hoping Scorpius—known as the Scorpion King—will ask them to the Blood Ball.”

no this is not an excerpt from My Immortal this is legit canon

“We hear Mudbloods screaming in the dungeons—which was apparently Scorpius’s idea.“

naturally muggleborns are still sent to hogwarts despite literally being tortured lol what did u expect

snape lives!au

no really he’s alive and he’s hiding hermione and ron in some stinky basement bc they’re wanted dead by everyone

all of them time travel once again to the triwizard tournament bc duh

then they come back and hermione and ron are soul-sucked by dementors

umbridge is like “i saw y’all”

snape kills umbridge

snape dies

scorpius returns to the original present shit and everything is fine again but also everyone is super pissed at the two of them

scorpius and albus decide to destoy the time turner when they are alone

deplhie shows up again

they fucking hand her the time turner

meanwhile harry and co realise the boys are gone and then ron walks in and says he saw them w some girl and harry’s like “oh amos’ niece delphie”

“wtf amos aint got no niece”

after tying scorpius and albus up, delphie has an evil monologue

delphie kills craig

delphie is about to kill scorpius when she’s struck from behind

it’s cedric diggory

so everyone does what they do best: they fuck off to another time line

scorpius and albus find out they have gone back to the day voldemort killed harry’s parents so that delphie can kill harry and voldemort lives

everyone forgot about neville

remember the blanket harry gave albus? albus writes a message on it so that the “present” (adult) harry knows where they are

“present” harry and co travel in time to save their asses

they set up a trap in which harry transfigures himself to look like voldemort and fool delphie

delphie is like “hi dad”

harry - i mean voldemort winkwink - is like “wtf”

delphie has another evil monologue

voldemort and bellatrix had actual sex and delphie came out

(did i say it was going to get worse than the scorpius rumour)

naturally instead of doing a fuck harry just goes all “oh ok wtf voldemort reproduced do tell me more- i mean, i, voldemort, tom marvolo riddle, thy future father, dark lord-”

it fails

albus saves his dad’s ass

they decide they shouldn’t actually do anything to stop the real voldemort apparently

“Together they all watch as Harry’s parents are murdered. Harry collapses to the floor in tears.”

srsly wtf jk rowling

did this man not already have enough shit in his life

back to the “present” and harry tells his son everything is ok bc he (harry) is afraid of pigeons and being a father

You might want to check out these two links, because the incident in question is a lot milder than maybe what you’re hearing about? It definitely wasn’t an onstage breakdown and the net result was that the guy ended up with a Darren selfie on his phone and a mild scolding. Even the phone turned out fine, since it was chucked back at the guy and not thrown with force. 

We wouldn’t have known how annoyed Darren was if people didn’t specifically ask him about it at stage door. He wanted to break the phone and settled for taking a selfie on it and tossing it back. That’s... not really a breakdown at all.

http://fabulousbatman.tumblr.com/post/122128369489/darren-criss-takes-a-phone-from-an-audience-member

http://fabulousbatman.tumblr.com/post/122161395604/hi-michaela-can-you-tell-us-why-exactly-darren

Fuck! Darren  really did screw up..I ve been following his career for years (huge fan) and this stunt with the cell phone seems extremely out of character. I mean i understand having a kind of breaking down moment, especially in this work  (I am in showbiz in my country - film director- and i am kind of used in outbrusts worst than this from far less talented people) but still… I just hope it was just a stupid one time thing… for his career sake..

For the first time in 70 years, all Musical acting awards went to people of color!

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Credit

And I feel like the "original cast" idea is overrated nostalgia bait and a narrative crutch the writers overly relied on to paper over the insubstantiality of their plots. IDGAF about the concept so much that the s6 newbies could call themselves "originals" and I wouldn't raise a fuss because clinging stubbornly to the past while having nothing new to say ended up being way more detrimental to the show than moving forward and acknowledging new cast changes would have been.

I feel like Chord and Darren have legitimately convinced themselves that they’re apart of the original cast. 

You mean blown out of proportion like this incident that happened when Neil Patrick Harris was Hedwig?

http://www.ew.com/article/2014/04/20/neil-patrick-harris-hedwig-and-the-angry-inch

I think it’s sweet of you to worry about Darren and, yeah, there’s definitely always the risk of a mild/small incident getting blown out of proportion by the media. But tbh I don’t think this particular incident is gonna get Darren raked over the coals, since the media would’ve already picked up on it as “newsworthy” by now if that was the case. 

http://blackfafa.tumblr.com/post/122216324247/cherrypinkstraws-musexmoirai-blackfafa

Fuck! Darren really did screw up..I ve been following his career for years (huge fan) and this stunt with the cell phone seems extremely out of character. I mean i understand having a kind of breaking down moment, especially in this work (I...