Blurt It Out

Blurt it out

This is a Tim Bradford x reader fanfiction I had an idea for and just had to write it down. English is not my first language so there could be a few mistakes.

I hope everyone who reads this enjoys it. If anyone has feedback, I am open for it. <3

Summary: It takes place in 4x1. That's the summary.

The next fanfic I will post will be a Chenford one and I am currently working on other stuff.

If anyone has requests or ideas what I could write just send it in bc I ran out of ideas.

She stared at the display, unable to look away. She didn’t really want to see what was happening, but she couldn’t just look away, and risk to oversee any detail that could help them. As a cop, she was trained to pay attention.

Next to her stood all the other people. Sergeant Grey, John Nolan, Lucy Chen, Tim Bradford, and of course Nyla Harper. She could see Lucy wiping a tear from her cheek, as well as Nyla. But she… she didn’t feel anything. There was not a single emotion in her.

(Y/N) winced, as she saw a shot being fired on the screen. Fuck. The last glimmer of hope was now gone. Sergeant Grey turned the video back.

“There. He flinched. As if Jackson scratched him or something like that”, he said.

“He knew he wouldn’t have a chance and wanted to give us something to work with. There would be DNA under is fingernails.” Lucy’s voice broke.

“I’ll tell the forensics so they can take a look at it. In the meanwhile, I want you all to go home and take some rest. I’ll let you call when we have some new information.” The Sergeant’s voice wasn’t as authoritarian than usually.

“I want to help. I can’t just sit here and do nothing! It was our colleague who got killed! Our friend! And Angela was kidnapped! We need to find out where La Fiera is!” Lucy felt more than (Y/N). You could hear it because of her breaking voice.

“It was an order, Officer Chen. Go home. Like I said, I’ll have you called in if there is any more information that there is now.”

“With all due respect Sir, but that’s my fiancée and I won’t go home until I know where she is and if the baby is healthy. I won’t go home until my pregnant wife-to-be is home with me again.” (Y/N) had completely forgotten that Wesley was here too. It was just logical; his fiancée was missing and he wouldn’t let them do their job without keeping him updated.

(Y/N) felt tears roll over her cheeks. She had just seen one of her best friends being killed. It didn’t feel real. Like she was only watching a movie and didn’t have any relation to the characters. Why couldn’t she feel more? She wanted to be mad, she wanted to be able to scream, to openly cry, but all she could was feel the silent tears rolling down her face.

She could feel a hand on her shoulder. Tim.

“You should go home. This case isn’t on us. At least not in the moment. Get some rest.”

Tim looked at her with worried eyes. Not really surprising. It was in the middle of the night. Her best friend just died – no, got killed - and she stood in the middle of the police department, crying because she didn’t know what to do. How she could get up in the next days.

“Come on.” She let Tim lead her out the office.

“I… I can’t go home. What if something happens? I… I’ll just stay here. This is the safest place right now.”

Tim looked at her… concerned. He often dealt with this kind of emergency, but Tim had never before dealt with this with his friends. Of course, he has already lost partners in the job but not like this.

“You can come with me. It would also be easier if they call us in to help them with something. Your apartment has a longer way to the department.” (Y/N) stared at him with wide eyes.

“Really? I… I don’t want to impose and you don’t feel too well either I think… your… your best friend just got kidnapped.” She really didn’t want to be an inconvenience. And what would be the looks she would get if anyone found out she stayed at her boss’ house for over the night even though they won’t do anything else that sleeping. In separate rooms.

“You won’t. Are you hungry? We didn’t really eat as the wedding didn’t take place so…?”

“I am hungry but I honestly don’t know if I can keep anything down now.” (Y/N) tried to dry her face from the tears, that finally stopped flowing.

“We can get some take-out and we try to eat and if not, we have the left-overs for tomorrow. Sounds like a plan?” (Y/N) nodded.

“Yes, that’s great. Thank you.” They slowly went to Tim’s car. The blisters the high heels gave her feet were long forgotten. They were her smallest problem right now. Somehow the physical pain even made her feel better.

They only stopped once to get the food. Quickly they decided to take Pizza, something they loved, and could easily be eaten the next day if there were some leftovers.

Tim’s house was… (Y/N) didn’t know what to say. It… fit him. Modern, but not much decoration. She took place at the table, the dress she wore was a bit disturbing.

Shit… She forgot that she doesn’t have any other clothes with her. She only had her dress, and she didn’t really want to sleep in it. It reminded her of all the things that happened today.   

“Ehm… Tim?” He stopped on his way to get 2 plates for the pizza.

“Yes? Is everything ok?” She nodded and then shook her head.

“I don’t have any clothes with me. Do you think we could get some clothes from my place?”

Tim looked at her as if she was crazy. She could somehow understand it. Her house wasn’t exactly next door. They would have to drive at least 30 minutes.  

“You know that it is a long way? Would you be ok if I gave you a shirt of mine and I still have joggers from Angela when she had an argument with Wesley and came here? I know it would be much too big but if you just slept here, I think it would work?” He looked at her with a questioning look and she nodded.

Why not? For now, it seemed like the best solution. Would it be unprofessional? Yes. Would everyone judge her if they saw her? Definitely. But right now, she had bigger problems. Jackson died. Angela got kidnapped. She kind of lost two of her best friends today.

Tim went to, which (Y/N) assumed, was his bedroom. Only a minute later he came back, a bundle of clothes in his arms.

“Here. You can go change in the bathroom. The first door on the left side.” He pointed in the direction he just came from.

“Thank you. Really.” Tim smiled. It was an exhausted but not a forced one.

“No problem at all.”

(Y/N) went to the bathroom. It was definitely more modern than her own. The shower! Wow. She would give everything just to have a hot shower.

“Tim? Could I take a short shower?” Her voice sounded weak. She didn’t have the energy to shout through the whole apartment, she just had to hope that Tim would have heard her.

“Yes. I’ll make the pizza into the oven so it doesn’t get cold, ok?”

“Thanks.”

(Y/N) didn’t remember when the last time was, that she had a proper shower, without having to stress herself because she needed to go to work. Still, she couldn’t enjoy the hot water, that was running over her body.

Suddenly, she was overwhelmed by emotions. The tears began to slow freely. She wasn’t crying as silently as she did before. Now she could only hope that Tim couldn’t hear her. She sank to the floor; the cold tiles on her back welt like ice cubes in contrast to the hot water.

She buried her face in her hands. Her brain finally realized it. Her friend was dead. Angela got kidnapped. They didn’t know what La Fiera was going to do to her. To her unborn baby. Did Angela already know that Jackson got killed?

A gentle knock was on the door.

“Are you ok, (Y/N)?” She tried to wipe away the tears. Stupid; she was in a shower.

“Yes. I’m ok.” She wasn’t and she knew that Tim could hear it. It was embarrassing. Her boss heard her cry. They weren’t even real friends. She tells him much about her life when they were on shift, but he was always a bit… reserved. They were acquaintances but nothing more.

(Y/N) was glad that Tim didn’t pry any further and she continued to sob freely. She heard how the door opened. Tim didn’t just come into the bathroom, did he? Luckily, the steam already covered the glass of the shower so he couldn’t properly see her.

He opened the door to the shower and switched off the shower. He handed her a bathrobe, which she slipped into. It was made out of very soft material. He gently pulled her out of the shower… and hugged her. A real hug. Not a hug like the ones you give when saying hello or goodbye… no… he held her.

(Y/N) didn’t know when it was the last time, she was hugged like that. She cried freely into Tim’s shirt. Right now, she wasn’t embarrassed by it. She didn’t even care about it a little bit. She was just thankful to be held.

After a few minutes, Tim led her to the living room, where he sat her on the couch, giving her a warm blanket he covered her with. Then he just sat down next to her, and continued to hold her. He didn’t say anything; didn’t ask questions. And it was exactly what (Y/N) needed at the moment.

When she finally started to calm down a bit, she wiped away her tears with her hands.

“Thank you, Tim.” Her voice trembled and sounded hoarse. If she still had her Make-up on, her face would have been black from the mascara by now.

“Nothing to thank me. It’s what a friend does.” Tim smiled weakly at her. Friends. He called them friends. She probably wouldn’t say that, but in the moment, she was thankful for it as it made the situation a bit less weird.

“I should probably get changed.” (Y/N) suddenly became aware that she wasn’t wearing anything under the bathrobe.

“Ok. Should I warm up the food? I am really hungry.” Tim looked at er with a questioning look.

“Uhm… yes… that would be great. Again, thank you.” (Y/N) hurried to the bathroom where the clothes Tim led her were still lying on the floor.

Just as she wanted to change into the clothes, Tim called her name.

“Come on we have to go! Grey has new information about Angela!” Instead of changing into the comfortable clothes, she just again slipped into her dress from the evening. Her hair was still wet but it didn’t matter at the moment.

When she stepped into the kitchen, she couldn’t help but notice Tim’s gaze at her. He scratched his neck, something she knew he did when he felt uncomfortable or nervous which has only happened once before.

“Ehm… Your… zipper isn’t properly… closed.”

Fuck! This didn’t just happen. Half of her chest was exposed… How could she not have noticed that before?! She already felt uncomfortable enough in this situation. Why did this have to happen exactly today. (Y/N) felt like she was about to cry.

She tried to close the zipper but it jammed.

“Wait let me do this.” As if the situation couldn’t get more embarrassing now her boss offered to close the zipper of her dress? If it was at least a zipper at the back of the dress but no. Why did she choose that dress today?

While Tim closed the zipper, (Y/N) only stared at the ceiling, unable to look at him.

“Ok. All done. Let’s go.” She ran to the car, as fast as it was possible in high heels. She slumped into the passenger’s seat.

“Here. Drink.” (Y/N) eyed Tim’s hand as he gave her a can of red bull.

“Oh wow. Thanks.” She was lucky he remembered to pack a few energy drinks in the back of the car, as they both were sleep deprived. And she herself was glad she packed her back with make up for the wedding, which was still in it.

She put the light on and put a bit of her make up on, so it wasn’t as obvious as before that she had cried before.

“You really do your make up now? In a driving car? Nobody is going to be interested in how you look. We have bigger problems at the moment.” (Y/N) glared at him.

Tim had been married. Didn’t he know doing make up is important for a woman? She always found it calming to do make up. It was soothing to do the precise work. Not being able to make mistakes especially not in a stressful situation.  

***

Only a few minutes later they arrived at the police department. They hurried to the Sergeant’s office. Nolan, Chen, and Nyla were already there. The only one missing was Wesley.

“Thank you for coming. Wesley’s not here. He is already in Guatemala. Lokks like he had an informer who helped him find La Fiera aka Sandra de la Cruz. We don’t know what’s going to happen. La Fiera is mentally instable especially after what happened to her son. I can’t officially send anyone to Guatemala.” Grey shot them a meaningful look.

“So, we’ll just have to wait what Wesley can do? He doesn’t have anyone there! He is an attorney! He has no chance against Sandra de la Cruz!” Nolan made a point there.

“I said I can’t officially send you there. But if I don’t know what you are going to do, I can’t prevent you from doing whatever you plan to.”

Now it was Tim speaking: “Conference room. Now. Everyone but Grey.”

***

Only an hour later everything was planned. They all were flying to Guatemala. (Y/N) has never been flying with a helicopter before, what makes her really nervous.

Next to her, sat Tim and on the opposite side were Lucy and John sat. Nyla was in the front with the pilot and in the back were two more seats for Angela and Wesley.

(Y/N) drummed her fingers on her thigh, squeezing her eyes shut as the chopper took off. She has changed into her police uniform, as the evening gown wouldn’t have been really practical for a long flight to Guatemala and probably a few shootouts.

She felt a hand on her fingers which where still drumming a rhythm. Tim’s.

“You ok, (Y/L/N)?” He was into full police mode. There wasn’t any space for kind words. They were about to free Angela and maybe even Wesley. If anyone wasn’t concentrated or anxious, they shouldn’t have come with them. It would have been irresponsible.

“I’m fine, Bradford.” Her voice didn’t sound as strong as she hoped, but everyone seemed to buy it for now.

After they finally landed, Harper, Nolan and Bradford were busy preparing the drone, while Lucy and (Y/N) looked around to make sure that they were save for now. They weren’t really near the house, but they didn’t know how careful La Fiera was.

It was already early in the morning. No one has slept in the last 24 hours, but they were so hyped up by adrenaline and energy drinks, that they barely felt how tired they were.

“Have you eaten anything in the last few hours”, asked Lucy at some point.

“A protein bar at the station but I not more. Didn’t have appetite after… after what happened yesterday. And you? Have you even been home?” (Y/N) could see that Lucy was exhausted and that she cried before. Her eyes were red and swollen.

“No. I couldn’t. I told Tamara I needed to do overtime but I don’t think she bought it. I stayed at the department and slept on a chair in the conference room. I just wasn’t able to go home to see Jackson’s stuff lying everywhere in the apartment. Where you at home? You still were in you dress when you came after Grey called you.” Lucy looked at her for a short time but not long as they still had to concentrate on La Fiera’s workers.

(Y/N) shook her head while saying: “I couldn’t go home either. Didn’t want to be alone after what happened. Tim offered me to sleep at his place.”

“Tim? Tim Bradford? Our boss Timothy Bradford?” Lucy looked really surprised but (Y/N) couldn’t blame her. She nodded.

“Yepp. He was really kind. I was very… upset earlier, so I was very thankful.”

Her friend still looked a bit shocked.

“Wow… that’s… strange. But you don’t have… feelings… for him… right?” (Y/N) laughed.

“God, no. I have to admit it had been a bit strange at the beginning but he was really understanding. He even bought pizza which is now probably cold.”

Even though she laughed, she wasn’t sure if the “feelings-theory” was that wrong. Did she have feelings for Tim? She has often questioned that before.

Every time he touched her it felt… special. She felt like her stomach felt full of butterflies. But she can’t have feelings for him, right? He was her boss and Lucy had to break up with Nolan because he had been also a rookie and not even her boss.

Damn it, why does she always have feelings for guys she cannot have. She still knows how it felt seeing Tim on her side when she woke up from surgery after she was involved in a knife attack. He said he didn’t stay in hospital all night, but she knew he was lying as he still wore the same clothes as the day before.

“Ok, the drone is ready”, Lucy and (Y/N) heard over the radio. They ran back to Bradford, Nolan and Harper. The display, that Nyla was holding, showed everything that was to see with the drone’s camera.

“Ok, they put Wesley and Angela in the trucks. It looks like she is in labor. Ok, that’s what we wanted. No. No! They drive them separated! Nolan, (Y/LN). You follow Wesley. Bradford, Chen and I, we follow Lopez to the hospital. Go!”

***

Like they were told, John and (Y/N) followed Wesley. It looked like there was only one person with him, but they couldn’t know for sure.

As (Y/N) and John followed the truck carrying Wesley, the tension in the air was palpable. Every second felt like an eternity as they carefully maintained their distance, making sure not to lose sight of the vehicle but also not to arouse suspicion. The city's neon lights flickered past, casting an eerie glow on the damp streets.

"(Y/N), are you okay?" John asked, his voice steady but concerned.

(Y/N) nodded, gripping the steering wheel tightly. "I'm fine, Nolan. Just... focused."

John glanced at her, noticing the tightness around her eyes. He knew what it felt like to be on edge, especially after a traumatic event. "We're going to get them back. Both Wesley and Angela. We just have to stay sharp."

(Y/N) appreciated his words but couldn't shake the gnawing anxiety in her stomach. She forced herself to stay in the moment, her training kicking in as she scanned the surroundings for any signs of any danger.

The truck turned into an industrial area, and (Y/N) signaled to John. "We need to be ready for anything.”

When they arrived at some kind of farm, the vehicle stopped, the person in the truck stepped out, revealing a silhouette in the bright sunlight. John and (Y/N) exchanged a glance and nodded, both ready to move.

"We need to get closer," (Y/N) whispered as they slipped out of their vehicle and crept towards the warehouse, using the shadows of the trees for cover.

They could see how Wesley got pulled out of the car, a weapon held to the side of his head.

“Faster! I don’t have the time for your games!” Just when Nolan and (Y/N) noticed that the man was about to shoot, they stepped forward.

“Drop the weapon! Now!” Suddenly, a shot rang out, and (Y/N) felt a sharp pain in her side. She gasped, stumbling and clutching her wound as she fell to the ground. John immediately dropped to her side, his eyes wide with fear and determination.

“(Y/N)! Stay with me," John urged, his hands shaking as he applied pressure to her wound. "We need backup! Officer down, officer down!" he called into his radio.

(Y/N)'s vision blurred, but she forced herself to stay conscious. "John... you need to... get Wesley..."

“I know. He is just over there. It’s going to be ok. Just stay with me.

 Back at the hospital, Tim Bradford, Lucy Chen, and Nyla Harper were on high alert, they already found Angela and were on their way to the chopper that should bring them back to LA. Tim's mind was racing, worry etched across his face. He couldn't shake the uneasy feeling in his gut, and it only intensified when he heard Nolan’s frantic call over the radio.

"Officer down. (Y/N) has been shot. We need immediate medical assistance!"

Tim's heart skipped a beat. He glanced at Lucy, who looked equally horrified, which wasn’t surprising as (Y/N) was her best friend. Lucy has already lost Jackson, just yesterday, she couldn’t bear to lose (Y/N) now too.

When they all arrived at the chopper, they found John – who already was in the chopper - desperately trying to keep (Y/N) conscious. The sight of her, pale and bleeding, hit Bradford like a train. He rushed to her side, his hands trembling as he took over from John.

"(Y/N), hang on. You're going to be okay," Tim said, his voice cracking. He couldn't hide the emotion in his eyes. "Stay with me."

She looked up at him, her vision fading but her heart swelling at his presence. "Tim... I..."

"Don't talk," Tim interrupted, his voice choked with emotion. "Save your strength. We are on our way to the hospital.”

Thanks to his time in the army, he knew how to handle shooting wounds. He pressed a shirt – he assumed it was Nolan’s – to the wound, wincing as (Y/N) cried out in pain.

“I am so, so sorry.” Tim had never felt something like that when someone got shot. Not even when he was the one shot. He had never felt this much panic. He never had to hold back tears.

Hours later, Tim sat in the waiting room, his mind a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions. He couldn't lose her. Not when he finally understood what she meant to him.

"Any news?" Lucy asked, her voice trembling.

Tim shook his head, unable to speak. They sat in silence, each of them lost in their thoughts, until a doctor finally approached.

"She's stable," the doctor said, and Tim felt a rush of relief so intense it nearly knocked him over. "She lost a lot of blood, but she's going to be okay."

Tim let out a shaky breath. "Thank you," he whispered, his voice filled with gratitude.

As they were allowed into her room, Tim sat by (Y/N)'s bedside, holding her hand gently. She looked fragile, but there was a peacefulness to her face that gave him hope.

When her eyes fluttered open, she smiled weakly at him. "Hey," she whispered.

"Hey," Tim replied, his voice soft. "You scared me."

(Y/N) chuckled weakly. "Sorry about that."

Tim leaned closer; his eyes locked onto hers. "You were trying to tell me something before..."

“It was nothing. I just wanted to make sure you weren’t going to let me die there”, she whispered. She doesn’t know why she couldn’t just say the truth but this didn’t seem to be the right moment. She had just been shot. What if he assumed she was just high on morphine – which she probably was, but that’s not the point.

The point is, she has feelings for her Sergeant. For her boss. And she doesn’t know if he felt the same. She has doubts. Why would someone like Tim, who doesn’t let any feelings near him, like her? She was just another colleague of his.

“Mhm… ok. I have to go. I am on shift today, but I will come back later. And here, I’ve got you a burger and fries. Thought you don’t want to have the gross hospital food after you were shot and haven’t eaten for 35 hours.” Tim held a paper back towards her.

“Thank you. And wait… I haven’t eaten for 35 hours? That’s a record!” Tim chuckled at (Y/N)’s attempt to lighten the mood.

“See you later.”

***

A bit later, Lucy stepped into the room, what made (Y/N) happy as she has already watched three movies and started to get bored.

"Hey, you," Lucy greeted, her voice warm. "How are you feeling?"

(Y/N) managed a small smile. "I've been better. But I'm alive, thanks to you all."

Lucy pulled up a chair and sat beside the bed. "We're just glad you're okay. You really gave us all a scare."

(Y/N) hesitated, then decided to share her burden. If anyone could help her, it was Lucy. "Lucy, can I talk to you about something? Something... kind of… personal?"

Lucy raised an eyebrow, definitely intrigued. "Of course. What's up?"

(Y/N) took a deep breath, her heart pounding. "It's about Tim. I... I think…I have feelings for him. I have for a while, but I don't think I can tell him. I mean, why would he ever feel the same way about me?"

Lucy leaned back, crossing her arms with a smile tugging at her lips “I knew it. It was clear to all of us. Lopey, Harper and I, we even have a bet running when you are going to tell each other. But really, why would you think you're not enough for him?"

(Y/N) looked away, feeling a lump in her throat. "I don't know. He's just... Tim. Strong, dependable, a great leader and so, so confident. And I'm just... me."

Lucy leaned forward; her expression serious now. "Listen, (Y/N). Tim is great, but you're amazing too. You're brave, dedicated, and you've got a heart of gold. And you are so damn strong. You have just survived a shooting. If Tim doesn't see that, then he's blind. But honestly, from what I've seen, I think he does see it."

(Y/N) felt a flicker of hope but still wasn't convinced. "But what if I'm wrong? What if it ruins everything?"

“That’s the risk you’d have to take. But I really doubt it. How he looks at you? How worried he was when he heard you got shot? He even stayed in the uncomfortable hospital waiting room all night as he refused to go home in case something happened! He told Harper to get you the burger and fries in your favorite shop and was about to kill her when she wanted to go to a different one!”

(Y/N) looked at her best friend with wide eyes.

“Are you being serious?” Lucy nodded.

“I wouldn’t say that if I wasn’t.” (Y/N) looked away, tears welling up in her eyes.

Lucy sighed, reaching out to gently turn (Y/N)’s face back toward her. "Listen to me. Life is too short to hold back your feelings. If you care about him, he deserves to know. And you deserve to be happy."

(Y/N) sniffled, a small smile breaking through her fear. "But how? When? I can't just blurt it out."

They both chuckled at the thought of her randomly telling Tim she likes him.

“Maybe you tell him when you get discharged from hospital. I am sure he is going to be there because he worries about you and wants to make sure you are ok. He even volunteered to drive you to your apartment and make sure you are comfortable with staying at home without anyone”, Lucy said.

“Ok. That sounds like a plan. Thank you.” Lucy squeezed her hand and smiled at her.

“That’s what friends are for.”

***

Finally, the day of her discharge came, and (Y/N) has thought about this moment a lot. How would she tell Tim? Where? When they are still driving to her apartment or should she invite him into her apartment to talk to him? She has never been the one to tell the other person she’s in love with them.

Tim entered her hospital room, where she sat on her bed, wearing joggers and a wide shirt. She knew she didn’t look her best, but if Tim expected something different, only 5 days after she had been shot, he would be stupid.

“Hey. Are you ready to go home?” Tim stepped into the room, smiling softly at her. Had Lucy been right? Did he really feel the same for her as she did for him? He wasn’t the mean, strong man in this moment. He looked… she didn’t even know how to say it… softer than usually?

“More than ready. 5 days in a hospital without proper Wi-Fi is definitely too long.” Tim chuckled.

“Ok, come on. Can you walk on your own?” (Y/N) nodded even though she wasn’t so sure. Yes, the meds they gave her are good, but not as good as she didn’t feel the pain in her abdomen where the bullet hit her spleen.

She slowly got up from bed, trying not to wince because of the pain she felt.

“Let me help you.” (Y/N) didn’t even react before she felt Tims arm around her, helping her to stay upright.

Somehow, they managed to go to the car, and (Y/N) took a deep breath when she finally sat in the comfortable passenger seat of Tim’s car.

“Are you sure you are alright being home again? Without help? You didn’t even manage to go to the car properly.“

(Y/N) waved him off.

“I am going to be ok. The meds only start to wear off but it is going to be better once I have taken the new painkillers they gave me.”

“Mhm…”

While they drove, it was quite silent. (Y/N) thought about how to tell Tim how she felt about him, because she still wasn’t sure how to break the news.

The car came to a gentle stop in front of her apartment building. Tim turned off the engine and looked over at her. "You sure you're ready for this? I can stay for a bit if you need help getting settled."

(Y/N) nodded, taking a deep breath. "Actually, Tim, I was hoping you would come in for a bit. There's something I need to talk to you about."

Tim's brow furrowed with curiosity, but he nodded and got out of the car, helping her carefully navigate her way to her apartment. Once inside, she guided him to the living room, the familiarity of the space giving her comfort.

"Sit down, please," (Y/N) said, her voice sounded higher than usually. She motioned to the couch, and Tim obliged, his eyes never leaving hers.

"What's on your mind?" Tim asked, his tone gentle but also worried. And maybe a bit panicked?

(Y/N) took a seat beside him, her hands twisting nervously in her lap. "Tim, I... I need to tell you something kind of really important. It's been on my mind for a while now, and after everything that has happened, I just can't keep it to myself for longer."

Tim leaned forward, his full attention on her. "You can tell me anything. You know that."

She took a deep breath, her heart racing. "Tim, I... I think I have feelings for you. I know it's probably not appropriate, and I know you're my boss, but I can't help it. I care about you, more than just as a colleague or a friend."

The words hung in the air, and for a moment, (Y/N) feared the worst. Tim's expression was unreadable, and she braced herself for rejection.

But then Tim reached out, taking her hand in his. His touch was warm, reassuring. "I don't know what to say," he began, his voice soft. "Except that I feel the same way. I have felt like this for quite a while now. I care about you a lot, and it scared me to think I might lose you when you got shot and laid there."

(Y/N)'s eyes filled with tears, a mixture of relief and overwhelming emotion. "Really? I was so scared you wouldn't feel the same."

Tim smiled; a rare, genuine smile that even made her heart skip a beat. "It was hard to admit, even to myself. But seeing you hurt, thinking about what could have happened... it made me realize how much you mean to me."

There was an awkward silence for a moment, both of them processing the magnitude of what they had just confessed. Then, Tim chuckled softly. "I guess we're both pretty bad at this, huh?"

(Y/N) laughed, wiping a tear from her cheek. "Yeah, I guess we are. But I'm glad we finally talked about it."

“Me too.” Tim swiped his thumb over the back of (Y/N)’s hand, which he still had in his own.

“Tim? Is… is it ok if I kiss you?” Instead of an answer, Tim leaned into her direction, and kissed her like she never had been kissed before.

In this moment she knew that she loved this man. He has always been there for her. He was the person she talked about everything that happened in her life.

When Tim let go of her again, (Y/N) opened her mouth to say something.

“Was everything… with us… why you have always reacted so jealous and… tight… when I talked about my last boyfriends?”

Tim looked at her, his lips swollen from their kiss.

“Maybe… but I wouldn’t have wanted it differently. I loved listening to everything that happened in your life. And you always smiled so sweet when you talked about everything. I loved listening to you. I still have the records of when you recorded my books I had to learn for the sergeant test. Thank you.”

 “What are you thanking me for?” (Y/N) looked at Tim confused.

“For being you. For making me laugh. For trusting me. Simply for everything. But I believe we aren’t allowed to work together from now on.”

“What if we didn’t tell anyone we are a couple?” Tim raised his brow at the question, before shrugging.

“I think that could work too.”  

Hating you

This is a chenford fanfic I immediately wanted to write down when I had the idea for it. English is not my first language so there could be a few mistakes.

I hope everyone who reads this enjoys it. If anyone has feedback, I am open for it. <3

I don't have any other ideas finished and don't know what to write so I really beg you to send me requests....

Summary: Lucy had been bullied for years when she was younger, and was about to start a new life to get over it, but it turned out that her new boss was the person who made her life a living hell when she was younger.

She pulled out a million clothes out of her closet. She didn’t even know why. Yes, she had a new job she was going to start today, but as a police officer she would have to wear a uniform.

Still, she wanted to look good. Lucy took her phone from the bedside table. She sent a photo of three possible outfits to John Nolan and Jackson West, hoping they would help her to choose one. Only a few seconds later it was Jackson who answered first.

The second looks the best. Not as if you have tried too hard but it still shows the job is important to you.

She slipped into the dark blue jeans and the short sleeved and a bit oversized black blouse she loved. In addition, she also took her favorite earrings that she was gifted from West and Nolan after finishing the police academy. She looked into the mirror. Did she look too fat? No, she doesn’t. She is pretty the way she is. For the last ten years this was something she regularly had to tell herself.  

Should she change into something different? No. She knew from the moment she got up, that today wasn’t a good day. She just wanted to get some more sleep. She didn’t feel good; neither emotionally nor physically. She woke up with cramps in her belly, realizing she got her period, which wasn’t a great start in a new job.

But she couldn’t stay home at her first day of work.

So, she put on her shoes, poured coffee in her pink thermos and checked her bag that she didn’t forget anything. When she made sure she got everything she needed, she went to her car, where she immediately put on the air conditioning.

She absolutely didn’t look forward to wearing the long-sleeved uniform the rookies had to wear. It was 34 degrees Celsius outside; definitely too hot.

She stepped into the precinct, and immediately went to the women’s locker room. Lucy closed her locker and changed into the uniform. It was definitely more comfortable than she anticipated. But it was hotter in it than she thought.

She also swallowed a few pills of ibuprofen, hoping that it would dull the ache in her abdomen.

When Lucy stepped out of the locker room, she spotted John and Jackson, who were standing in front of the conference room.

“Hey! Are you guys ready for today?” Jackson looked quite nervous while he asked the question. “I am definitely not because I heard that our TOs are not really kind.”

“I think I am. I handled much more in my life than idiots who think they are powerful and let everyone around them feel it”, Lucy said even though she wasn’t so sure. Yes, she’d been through a lot but she was scared that she might relive it all again.

“I am not sure if I am ready. I am probably going to be older than my Training Officer so they are definitely going to make fun of me.” Nolan looked a bit worried but Lucy knew he would get through the time as a rookie.

“Nah. You can do this, Nolan. I promise”, Lucy told him.

***

A few seconds later they were the first ones to go into the conference room. They took place in the first row, something the rookies were supposed to, and waited.

The room filled quite fast and only one row was still empty. When the three last people stepped inside the room, Lucy held her breath. She felt her heartbeat becoming faster and faster.

This can’t be happening. This is not really happening, is it? Jackson nudged her shoulder.

“Are you okay?”

But all Lucy could do was sit there, frozen in her position. She knew that guy who had just taken place in the free row. The man who was staring at her with cold, bright blue eyes. His face was unreadable. He was older now. Looked more adulterous. The same cold, piercing eyes. But she remembered him. And she doubts she could ever forget him.

***

As she rounded the corner onto her street, Lucy saw him leaning against the fence, his grin sent a shiver down her spine. Tim Bradford; ten years older than her, seemed to take pleasure in plaguing her whenever he could. It had started innocently, but it had escalated over time.

"Look who's here," Tim said, his voice dripping with faked pity as he stepped in front of her, blocking her path. "Fat Little Lucy, all alone. What are you gonna do, cry?"

Lucy tried to go past him, but he moved with her, his presence threatening. "Leave me alone, Tim," she said, her voice trembling with fear.

Tim chuckled darkly; his eyes gleaming with amusement. "Or what? You gonna tell mommy and daddy? Oh, that's right, they don't care about you, do they? Just like nobody else does."

The words hit Lucy like a punch to the gut, and she felt tears pricking at the corners of her eyes. She tried to push past him, but he grabbed her roughly by the arm, his grip bruising and painful.

"Let me go!" Lucy cried, struggling against him, but he only tightened his hold.

"Not so fast, princess," Tim said, a grin spreading across his face. "I think you need to learn some manners."

With a swift motion, he pulled out a pocket knife, the blade glinting in the sunlight. Lucy's heart pounded in her chest as she stared at the weapon, her mind racing with fear and panic.

"Please, Tim, don't," she begged, her voice barely a whisper.

But Tim just laughed, pressing the blade against her skin with a cruel smirk. "Scared, are you? Good. Maybe now you'll think twice before crossing me again."

The pain was sharp and searing as Tim carved a deep cut into Lucy's thigh, leaving behind a trail of blood. She cried out in agony, tears streaming down her face as she struggled to break free from his grasp.

But just as suddenly as it had begun, it was over. Tim released her with a final shove, sending her stumbling backward onto the pavement. He looked down at her, his blue eyes looking like ice.

"Remember this, Lucy," he said, his voice low. "You're nothing. And no one will ever care about you.”

***

Jackson nudged her again.

“Is everything ok?” Lucy finally felt like she could move again.

“Um… Yes. I am ok. I was just reminded of something.” She shook her head as if it could just delete the memories her brain was playing over and over again. Her hand wandered as if by itself to the scar on her thigh, that was currently covered by her uniform.

It wasn’t the only one she got while she was bullied by Tim and his friends. She has never told anyone, as she didn’t think anyone would believe her. Tim made her feel worthless. And it still sticked to her. She often had days when she wasn’t able to look in the mirror, being too ashamed by herself.

Sergeant Grey stood in the front of the room, but Lucy wasn’t really able to listen.

“West! You are with Lopez in the next months. Nolan, you are with Bishop and Chen, you are with Bradford.” The rest of what the Sergeant said, was just a blur of words to Lucy. All she could do was staring at the ceiling, begging her tears to not flow freely. She couldn’t have a breakdown. Not here. Not now.  She blamed her hormones on that, as she always was more emotional when she was on her period.

She felt a presence beside her and looked up to see Tim standing there, his expression unreadable.

"Officer Chen, right?" he asked, his tone professional.

"Yes, sir," Lucy replied, struggling to keep her voice steady.

Tim nodded, glancing at his notes.

"We’re partnered up. Ready to hit the streets?"

Lucy swallowed hard, her mind racing. "Yes, sir," she repeated, praying her voice didn't show off her fear.

How would she survive that day when she already panicked now? For a short moment, she considered going to Sergeant Grey to tell him she needs another TO, but Lucy feared he would just laugh and won’t believe her. Tim was a cop now? Nobody would believe her, a rookie, that an officer would have bullied her a few years back.

“Faster, boot! I don’t have all day to wait for you!”

Lucy got up from where she had been sat, and hurried after her TO. Her smartwatch vibrated and with a short look at the display, Lucy recognized the alarm. She had a pulse of 124! When only one single minute with Tim triggered her like that, what was going to happen after a whole day?

“Boot! Here you can get the bags and everything else we need, also the body cams. You’ll get these to the shop, never call it car, every single day, did you understand?”

“Yes, Sir.” Lucy took the two bags after she attached the body cam to her uniform and followed Bradford to the car… no… shop.

She put the bags in the trunk, before taking place on the passenger seat.  

After they drove through the streets of the city for quite a while and nothing has happened yet, Tim suddenly started to yell.

“I’ve been shot! Where are you, boot?!”

Lucy looked at him; confused. Why has he been shot? She couldn’t see a wound where a bullet could have hit him?

“I’m bleeding to death, you have to call for help, where are you?! Where are you?!”

She leaned out of the car in an attempt to see a name of the street they were onto.

“Now I’m dead. It’s your fault.”

“What?” Lucy’s voice trembled. She didn’t do anything! Nothing has happened!

“Get out and walk. You can get back in when you know where you are.”

Panic threatened to overwhelm her. Fuck! Not now! She took a deep breath, trying to regain her composure.

Slowly she tried to open the door, still trying to breathe. In her head, she tried to remember the way they have been driving. But before she could remember where they were, she felt nauseous. She got hold on a tree next to the street and doubled over. Why did she have to puke in this moment? As if the situation wasn’t already embarrassing enough.

“Chen, are you ok?” She was clearly not ok! If she was, why would she stand in the middle of the sidewalk and throw up everything she has eaten today.

Lucy retched until she knew for sure that her stomach was empty by now.  

“Do I have to get you to hospital, Chen?” For a short moment she considered the advantages of this idea. But what would she say in the hospital? My boss bullied me years ago and I am still not over it so I had a panic attack because he yelled at me because he doesn’t remember anything what he did?

No. She can’t do that. She shook her head.

“Ok. But at least we go to a café now so you can drink and eat something, ok? I can’t let you do the job when you are like that.”

Lucy slumped back into the passenger seat.

“Baxter Street”, she mumbled as she closed her eyes for a moment in an attempt to relief the sharp pain behind her eyes.

“What?” Tim looked confused at her.

“We’re in Baxter Street.” Tim nodded.

“Right.”

Only a few minutes later they sat in the next Starbucks. Tim reported dispatch that they would need a break. He didn’t tell the reason, but it looks like the dispatcher knew it would have to be something important if it was Tim who called in a break.

He couldn’t help but worry. Lucy said she needed the toilet, so he sat on the small table without her. Had he been too hard on her? He had been in the army; he knew that panic attacks don’t just happen. They are always triggered by something.    

He couldn’t deny the fact that he worried about Lucy. When he has first seen her, he thought she was a strong woman, that could really be a good cop one day. But he had to do a few Tim-Tests on her. He always did; with every rookie he has had so far. He needed to know what their weaknesses were.

That was his job, right? Still, he couldn’t shake off the feeling that he had done something wrong.

Lucy reminded him of someone; he just couldn’t quite remember who she reminded him of.

Lucy returned from the bathroom. In the meanwhile, Bradford had already ordered coffee and a piece of chocolate cake for each of them.

Tim could see that Lucy must have cried. Her eyes were red and swollen, but he decided not to say anything about it. She didn’t cry alone in the bathroom just so everyone could notice when she came back.

“Thank you”, she said with her voice barely above a whisper when she realized Tim has ordered food and a coffee.

“I didn’t know how you’d like your coffee so I took a guess. It’s caramel macchiato I thought you may like it.”

Lucy smiled. The caramel macchiato was her favorite drink. It was her comfort beverage which she always drank when she was stressed out.

She took a sip of the hot coffee; closing her eyes as she took in the sweet taste, that was on the verge to too sweet.

“You like it?”

Lucy nodded again.

“Yes, again, thank you.”

Did Tim really become more… adulterous? Yes, he had been very harsh before, but right now he was quite kind. He ordered her a drink and food, although there was an unwritten rule that the rookies are supposed to pay for the bills.

Lucy took a bite from the cake. The chocolate melted on her tongue and it was just perfect. From her bag, she took the small container of ibuprofen she luckily remembered to pack for today. The cramps were back and she didn’t want to seem weak to Tim.

She really thought he had changed but she still didn’t want to take the risk of him using her weaknesses to hurt her.

Tim eyed her as she popped the pill into her mouth and furrowed his brow.

“Are you ok?”

Lucy nodded.

“Yes.”

Tim narrowed his eyes in suspicion. He could sense something was going on, but after the panic attack she has just had, he didn’t want to make her more uncomfortable than she already seemed to be and maybe even trigger another attack.

She finished the cake and her caramel macchiato.

“Do you feel a bit better?” Tim really looked a bit worried and it didn’t seem fake.

“A bit. But it’ll be better.”

“Good. Are you ready to hit the streets again?”

Lucy nodded and plastered a forced smile on her face.

“Then, let’s go.”

As soon as Tim called in that they can go on calls again, they were sent to a call.

“7-Adam-15 on our way.”

They found Nolan and Bishop, who were already on site. John tried to calm an upset man who was standing on a car and hit the windshield with a baseball bat.

But the man ran off and Nolan immediately ran after him.

“Go, Chen! Chase him first”, Tim shouted and Lucy immediately ran off.

She managed to get to the man before Nolan did, but only because John got stuck in a gate. Talia and Tim made fun of him while Chen put the man who just ran off in handcuffs.

“Well, not bad”, Tim said after the man sat in the back of the shop. Lucy smiled a bit to herself. A real smile. This was the first moment today where she felt really happy. Like she did something right.

She looked out of the window, as she didn’t want Tim to see her smile like that and destroy this moment.

But she didn’t notice that Tim smiled at her. He couldn’t get over the fact that he liked the way her nose scrunched when she smiled and how her eyes seem to become a bit smaller.

God, he was her TO! He shouldn’t feel attracted to his boot! Get back to the hard TO who makes Tim-Tests and drives the rookies insane, he told himself. He took a deep breath and forced himself to look back at the streets.

When they drove through a small alley, Lucy spotted a guy, who was called in to be searched for robbery just an hour or so ago.

“There! This is the guy they are searching for”, Lucy exclaimed.

Tim turned he sirens on and they got out of the car, standing behind the door for a bit more safety, but in this moment the guy drew his gun and began to shoot. Only a few seconds later, another man appeared, also with a weapon and began shooting too.

Immediately, Lucy and Tim shot back.

“Stay low!” But just as her TO finished talking, he let out a loud “fuck!” and fell to the ground.

Lucy slowly rounded the car, paying attention so she wouldn’t get shot too. She packed Tim and pulled him to the back of the car so they weren’t in danger to get shot by these idiots.

“Don’t stay. Shoot back”, Tim commanded while his face was scrunched up in pain.

Lucy reloaded her gun and shot back. She managed to hit one of the men and the other one ran away as another police car appeared in the alley. John and Bishop got out of it and John immediately followed the man who had just run off while Bishop put the other in handcuffs.

The wound he got from Lucy shooting him wasn’t too bad, the bullet only grazed him and he had a small scratch on his lower abdomen but still lay crying on the street… men, Lucy though watching him.

She turned her attention back to Tim who lay on the street as well, blood pooling out of a wound in his abdomen. Lucy put her hands on the wound to apply pressure to it; hoping it would stem the bleeding at least a little bit.

She glanced over her shoulder, to have a look if the paramedics have already arrived and in the exact moment an ambulance arrived.

A woman exited and immediately ran to them.

“He… he got shot in his abdomen. It‘s bleeding heavily”, Lucy told the paramedic who had a name tag on her uniform with the name ‘Nune’ on it.

“It’s not that bad… just a scratch”, Tim said and Lucy just shook her head and rolled her eyes.

There were two types of men. The ones who cry when they get touched because it ‘hurt so much’ and the ones like Tim, who are lying on the concrete of an ally with a bullet in their abdomen and say ‘it was just a scratch’. There wasn’t something in between.

“Well, good job, boot. Now go chase the guy. We don’t want Talia to get him, right?”

Once again, Lucy rolled her eyes. This man can’t just let others win. But either way, she got up and after Nolan.

She caught up quite fast and ran the man to the ground. She handcuffed him before she pulled him to his feet and dragged him along with her. She led him to Talia’s car where she pushed him in the chair in the back of the car, before she shut the door closed.

Bradford, who was now placed on a stretcher nodded at her. She just took it as a compliment.

“To which hospital are you going to bring him?”

The paramedic told her the name of it before getting into the driver’s seat.

In that moment, Sergeant Grey appeared in the alley.

“Officer Chen. You are allowed to get home. I’ll organize another TO for you for tomorrow so please be on time.”

“Thank you, Sergeant Grey. Am I supposed to drive the car back at the station?”

“I don’t think so”, the Sergeant said with a glance at the car.

“Oh.” The car… no shop… was… damaged. Like really damaged. Was it… on fire? Oh shit…

“But Chen?”

“Yes, Sir?” Lucy turned around again.

“Bradford has a daughter. She is at daycare and Bradford won’t make it to get her home. Could you get her and maybe bring her to hospital so she can see her dad? I will see who can take her for over the night.” Lucy looked confused. Tim? A dad? Ok…

“Ehm… I can take her over the night if that’s alright?”

“That would be great. Thank you.” Lucy nodded before turning around to get a Taxi.

“Wait, what’s her name?” She didn’t know the name and she was going to need it to get her form daycare.

“Olivia. Olivia Bradford.”

Before Lucy went to daycare, she drove to the station, where she got changed and got her bag.

***

“Hello. I am here to get Olivia Bradford.”

“Are you Olivia’s mom?” The woman looked at her quite suspicious.

“No… Her dad had an accident at work and I am supposed to get her to hospital to see him.”

“Mhm…” The woman still didn’t look completely convinced. “Then, I need you name and any ID you got with you. It’s a safety measure.”

Lucy nodded and got her ID out of her bag to show it to the woman.

“Lucy Chen.” She nodded.

“Ok, I will get Olivia for you.”

Just a few seconds later a young girl appeared in the hallway.

“Who are you?” Lucy smiled at her.

“I am Lucy. I work with your dad. He had a small accident at work so I was told to get you so you can see him. Is that ok with you?”

Olivia eyed her; clearly considering if she could trust the woman standing in front of her, but then taking a step towards her and taking Lucy’s hand.

“Hm. I think so. If you work with my dad you have to be nice. I am Olivia and so old”, she held 4 fingers in the air, “but I don’t like my name so everyone calls me Livy.”

“Do you want me to call you Livy too?”, Lucy asked.  She knew better than to just call her that, knowing that kids often just say stuff without meaning it.

“Yes, that would be nice.”

“Ok.” Lucy nodded. “Then… let’s go to your dad.”

Lucy sat the girl in the car seat for kids she got from Tim’s car.

The drive to the hospital was quite fast and Livy told Lucy of her day at daycare. In only 3 minutes, Lucy knew all the daycare-gossip, Livy’s friends and what the girl had for lunch.

“Miss Lucy? Can we get food? I’m hungry.”

“Of course, sweety. What do you want to eat?” Lucy looked at the girl through the rearview mirror and laughed at the way her nose scrunched while thinking what she was craving.

“I want chicken nuggets and fries. Dad barely buys it for me because he says it isn’t healthy and I need healthy food to grow and become strong but it is just so yummy!”

For a moment Lucy considered if she should buy her the wished food if Tim was clearly against it, but who was she to withheld it when Livy’s dad just got shot. And she had seen Tim eating a burger today.

“Ok, let’s go. We can get something at the drive-through and you can eat it in the hospital, ok? Maybe your dad wants something too.” Livy nodded happily while she had a broad smile on her face.

***

Only 10 minutes later they sat in Tim’s hospital room. He was still asleep, so Lucy sat on a chair with Livy on her lap while they were eating the food they had just bought.

“Thank you, Miss Lucy. I like you.” The girl grinned with her mouth full with fries

“Just Lucy. I am not Miss Lucy that makes me sound old.” Livy looked at her.

“But you are old.” Lucy gently nudged her shoulder.

“Hey! I am not! You know, you dad is quite a bit older than I am.” She pouted.

“I know. My dad is like really old.” Lucy laughed at Livy. She loves this girl.

***

Tim slowly started to wake up. In the first moment, he didn’t even know where he was, but remembered as soon as he felt the slight burning sensation on his abdomen. He was at the hospital.

He could see two silhouettes on the small table on the window. The light was dimmed but he could still recognize Lucy but he couldn’t quite recognize the other silhouette.

“Lucy! Daddy is awake!” Lucy turned around.

“Then go hug him. But be gentle he was hurt today.”

Tim grinned as he could see his daughter running to him.

“Daddy! Do you feel better? Lucy said a bad guy hurt you.” Livy stood next to his bed, clearly wanting to get up, but she couldn’t as the bed was quite high and his daughter was really small. Lucy appeared behind the girl and lifted her to the bed, careful not to sit her anywhere near the stitches so she couldn’t accidentally hurt him.

“Mhm. Feel a bit better now. Are you ok?” Livy nodded.

“Lucy bought fries and chicken nuggets!”

Lucy gently nudged the girl’s shoulder.

“I thought we agreed not to tell your dad.” Lucy wasn’t serious. Tim could tell by the way she smiled that the girl had her wrapped around her little finger. But he really couldn’t blame her. He knew that his daughter had that effect on every person she has ever met.

“I have also bought something for you. The food in this hospital tastes like shit so we have a burger and fries for you. I don’t think it is allowed on the ICU so you should eat fast.”

Tim nodded. He didn’t really have much energy to talk at the moment. He still felt drowsy from the anesthesia and the pain in his abdomen didn’t help.

“Could you call a nurse, please? Need some more meds.”

Lucy nodded and returned only a few minutes later with a doctor and a nurse.

“Officer Bradford. The bullet hit your spleen we had to remove it in surgery. It is normal to feel pain but we can give you some meds to help with that. You need to take it easy in the next few weeks and have to stay in hospital for around 5 days. Your stitches are most likely going to be removed in 10 days or more that depends on how good the wound heals.”

Tim noticed the nurse giving him a medication through the IV; probably painkillers. At least he hopes so.

“I need to organize something where my daughter can stay. I can’t stay in hospital for 5 days…”

Lucy interrupted him.

“You can and you will! I can take care of Livy, right?” The 4-year-old nodded and grinned.

“I can’t have you taking care of my daughter. I don’t even really know you and you don’t know me and you have work to do and probably have to study for the next test.” Lucy waved him off.

“I already cleared it with Grey and the daycare. I can leave earlier than usually and Livy can stay in daycare until I get her home. We will have lots of fun.”

“Thank you, boot.”

Lucy couldn’t hope but shake her head. She knows him. He knows her. Maybe he doesn’t remember but she remembers ever single moment. She remembers how she got the scars that cover her body. She remembers the reason why she now has two fine scars on each of her arms.

 “Ok, come on Livy. We really need to let your dad rest and it is already late so you have to go to bed.” Lucy lifted her off the bed.

“No! Wait!” Livy ran back to her dad. She hugged him tightly and Tim let out a groan as it hurts his stitches how tightly she held onto him.

“Daddy?”

“Yes, baby girl? What’s up?” He could see tears glimmering in his daughter’s eyes.

“Are you gonna die, daddy? You are not allowed to. Mommy is not here and you have to stay with me because if you don’t, I don’t have my daddy anymore.”

Tim shook his head while he hugged Livy.

“No. I won’t leave you here. I am going to be back to normal in no time and then we can have long movie nights and eat tons of ice cream, alright?”

The girl nodded.

“Ok. Bye!” The girl ran back to Lucy who had to fight back tears. She didn’t know what had happened with Livy’s mom, but she couldn’t imagine how it felt for a little girl who doesn’t really understand what happened to her dad.

Before Lucy left the room, she turned around one last time.

“I do know you. And you know me. Better than you might think.”

With these words, she left the room and went to her car.

***

At 1 am, Lucy heard a soft knock at her bedroom door. Confused, she got up and opened the door, just to see Livy standing in the doorway. She had her stuffed rabbit they got from Tim’s home, together with clothes for Livy, pressed to her chest.

“I can’t sleep.”

“Ok. Come here.” Lucy scooped the girl up and went to the living room. On the floor laid a mattress. Lucy took the blanket and wrapped Livy in it before going to the kitchen, still having Livy in her arms.

She placed the girl on the kitchen counter, before getting milk, which she warmed up in the microwave. She mixed it with cocoa powder and handed it to Livy before scooping her up again and placing her on the couch.

“So, what is your favorite TV show?”

“Paw Patrol.” Lucy smiled.

“Excellent choice.” Lucy switched on the TV searched Paw Patrol and turned some random episode on. She placed Livy on her lap and wrapped her even tighter in the blanket.

Livy sipped on the hot chocolate every once in a while, while watching the short episode of her favorite show. While watching TV, Livy told many stories about her dad.

Lucy couldn’t help but begin to like Tim. He seemed like a great dad. Still, she couldn’t help but feel scared of him. Yes, he was a great dad but was he also a good friend? Partner? TO? Has he changed over the last years?

In that night, she decided that she had to talk to him. She hadn’t felt safe with him today when they were involved in the shooting.

She has to talk to him about it. She deserves a talk. A real talk where they can talk about her future as a police officer. Maybe she really has to ask Grey for a new TO.

***

The next day was terrible. She overslept and was late for work. Luckily everyone was understanding, as they already knew that she took care of Livy.  

The girl had insisted on calling her dad to make sure he was ok, which had also taken really long.

Her TO for today seemed annoying and she was glad as she was finally back at home. She made food for Livy and herself before they drove to the hospital. Lopez was already there. It looks like Angela and Tim were good friends, Lucy had already assumed it the day before when she had seen them talk at lunch.

“Officer Lopez? Could you please go outside with Livy for a moment?” Lucy had to talk to Tim now. She couldn’t wait longer. He panicked about this talk the whole day and had to get it behind or she was going into another panic attack.

Before she could start talking, Tim opened his mouth.

“What did you mean yesterday, when you said you know me and I know you?” Tim raised an eyebrow, his confusion turning into a smirk. "What, did I steal your lunch money or something? I was quite the troublemaker back then."

The remark hit her like a slap in the face. The casual way he joked about it, as if it was some harmless prank, made her blood boil. Lucy's eyes narrowed, and she clenched her fists at her sides, fighting to keep her composure.

“You really don’t remember me at all, do you?”

“Sorry, I really don’t; have I slept with you years ago I had a player phase a couple years back.”

Lucy shook her head trying not to cry. He had been bullying her for years! Four fucking years of torture and he didn’t even remember.

“1537 West Sunset Boulevard. I lived there. 1543. Your address. No. You didn’t steal my lunch money. You hurt me. I have scars. And not just mentally. You insulted me! Every single day of my life for almost five years! I almost killed myself because of you. And you don’t even remember me. I am still in therapy. Still have problems with my body. I have days I can’t even eat properly because you have told me I was fat so many times I stopped counting after 37 times. I have 13 scars all over my body because of you.”

Tim stared at her; his face unreadable. He remembered. She doesn’t just have a similar face like someone he has met before. She wasn’t just a one night stand he didn’t remember. Fuck. What had he done?

“Yesterday, when we were involved in the shooting, I was scared to death with you next to me because I couldn’t trust you!” Lucy started crying and her whole body was shaking but she couldn’t stop just yet. “And now I took care of your adorable daughter for one night and she told me all these stories what a great dad you are and I started liking you and I hate myself for it! I spent years in my life hating you and one night makes me like you?”

“I am sorry. Really. I am sorry I didn’t remember. I am sorry I did that to you. Really. I was an idiot back then. Had family problems and didn’t now what to do so I did the things my dad did to me to others. Tried to compensate everything.”

Lucy looked at him. Tim didn’t really understand that look.

“You really use ‘family problems’ as an excuse for tormenting me? Are you serious? You broke me! And as if it wasn’t bad enough that you were my new TO you were quite kind when I had that panic attack! You bought me chocolate cake!” Lucy felt like she was being ridiculous and overreacting but she had to let it all out now.

“Come here please.” Tim made place on his bed and pointed at the free spot. Without thinking about it she sat down on the bed and started crying. Tim rubbed gentle circles over her back.

“Like I said, I am really sorry. If you want another TO, I would understand that. But I hope you can forgive me at some point because I have changed. At least I think so. I know you can’t trust me overnight, it’s a process. And just so you know, you are damn pretty. When I have seen you in the conference room yesterday the first thought I had was ‘wow, that woman is pretty and looks so confident’. And I don’t think I broke you. Maybe but you have healed and like a bone that just gets stronger when it is healed again, you are stronger too. I have seen it when I was patrolling with you. You are a strong and damn hot woman, Lucy.”

Tim hugged her. Gently so he wouldn’t frighten her.

In that moment, the door opened and Lopez stepped inside with Livy. It was obvious that Angela heard the whole conversation, and Livy seemed to recognize the tension too, which wasn’t hard with Lucy who was still crying in Tim’s arms.

Livy ran to her and patted her cheek with her small hand.

“No crying, Lucy.” She hugged Lucy with her small arms and she couldn’t help but smile at the adorable girl.

Maybe she couldn’t trust Tim just yet. But maybe after she spent the next days with the 4-year-old and her stories about her dad it would be a little easier.

hey I just wanted to let you know that the next time I will post will probably only be Thursday or Friday as I am not at home currently and don‘t have my laptop with me <3

Reblog if you want your followers to anonymously ask you one thing they want to know about you.

Who's the dad

This is a Evan Buckley (9-1-1) fanfiction I have finally decided to post. It is the first or second fanfiction I have written in my whole life so this is probably bad. English is not my first language so there could be a few mistakes.

I hope everyone who reads this enjoys it. If anyone has feedback, I am open for it.<3

Summary: A few months after a one-night stand leaves (Y/N) pregnant, she unexpectedly meets the baby's father at a BBQ at her dad's fire station.

The blonde guy was hot, (Y/N) had to admit. His baby blue shirt lets his eyes glow in the most perfect way.

“So why are you here today?”, (Y/N) asked. They both had a silent deal: no name’s, no prying for information.

“Hard day at work”, the man answered. “You?”

“Hard week.” (Y/N) knew she was already drunk, but she ordered another tequila. In the afternoon, she brought her kids to their grandparents, Bobby and Athena. The reason she told them: I need the evening for drinking until I don’t even know my name anymore.

She knew drinking wasn’t going to solve her problem, but it would numb her for at least one night. It would make her forget the pain.

The man nodded, but she didn’t even know what she had said before.

They drank a few drinks together until both of them saw black spots dancing in front of their eyes.

(Y/N) knew it was wrong what she wanted to do know. She wanted to kiss this man. She wanted to forget why she was here tonight. She knew exactly how wrong it would be. How disappointed everyone would look at her. But screw it. She wanted him and she wanted him now.

She leant forward and pressed a kiss on his lips. It felt so right, but so wrong. It didn’t matter. The blonde deepened the kiss. The next thing (Y/N) knew was that they were in the man’s apartment. In his bed.

___

(Y/N) did her best to hide the baby bump – but it didn’t help much. Maybe she could tell everyone she has just eaten too much when they were in Europe. She hasn’t seen anyone of her family in the last 5 months. They didn’t know she was pregnant and they are not supposed to. Half a year ago she packed her stuff and drove away with the kids.

After her husband died and she slept with this stranger, she had to leave. She wasn’t able to stay anymore. She was ashamed of herself. How was she able to sleep with someone just some hours after Henry died? They weren’t always happy but she loved him. He had been her world. Until he was gone.

“Mommy? How much longer we have to drive?” James asked from the back of the car. He was the most impatient of her kids.

“Only around half an hour then you can finally see grandpa and grandma again.”

(Y/N) heard a sigh from her son and chuckled.

“Is there going to be cake? Is grandpa going to make pasta for us?” Cameron. She and James are twins and couldn’t be more similar. Both impatient and always hungry until they ate two bites and complain about being too full to eat any more.

“I don’t know. I have never been to a party at the station.” Nobody knew they were going to come. It was going to be a surprise.

Suddenly, Emily began to cry in her seat. The two-year old always slept in the car, but when she woke up, she always had a shock and started to cry when she noticed they were driving.

“Liv, can you please give Emily her pacifier?” The 14-year-old didn’t seem to hear her mom, as she had her headphones in her ears and scrolled through TikTok’s.

“Liv! Give your sister her damn pacifier!” Finally.

After two weeks in Europe, (Y/N) was already super annoyed. She tried to keep it cool, but it wasn’t easy to be with four kids and pregnant when she didn’t have her husband around.

___

Just a few minutes later, (Y/N) parked in front of the firehouse. She had been here before. Not inside it but she had dropped off her father a few times when his car was at the car repair.

“Ok! We are here! All out of the car!” (Y/N) picked up her youngest and followed the rest of the kids inside the firehouse.

She didn’t see many people downstairs, but around 50 people were upstairs.

“(Y/N)? Hey! You’re back! Where were you in the last few months? We tried to call you but you didn’t answer. We were so worried!” Bobby literally ran to her and hugged her as tightly as possible with Emily between them. “She grew up so much”, he said, reaching out to stroke Emily’s back.

“Yes. She absolutely did.” (Y/N) could see the worried and exhausted expression on her father’s face and immediately felt sorry for not even writing him and Athena a message that she and the kids were ok.

“May I introduce you to the team?”, Bobby asked after hugging the twins and Liv, who finally put away her headphones.

The 118’s Captain led his family to a bunch of people in uniforms.

“These guys are Eddie, Chimney, Hen and Buck.” (Y/N)’s breath caught in her throat. Fuck. The super-hot guy stood in front of her. With his uniform he looked even better that in his baby blue shirt he wore the last time. Why the fuck did she still remember what this guy had worn when they met in the bar?!

“Meet (Y/N), Liv, James, Cameron and Emily.”

“Hey! Nice to meet y’all”, (Y/N) said overly friendly, trying to hide the surprise, as well as Buck did.

“Grandpa? You have cake?”, Cameron asked Bobby.

“Of course. A party without cake isn’t a party. Come on, I’ll show you all.” Bobby led the kids away from (Y/N) and the team, over to the kitchen island on which many plates of cake were standing.

“’So… you are Cap’s daughter?”, a brown-haired man asked, who (Y/N) remembered as Eddie.

“Yepp, that’s me.” (Y/N) looked at Buck who looked just as surprised, as she felt.

“So, you are Buck?”, she asked him just as a try to build a conversation. She tugged gently on her shirt, as she didn’t want Buck to notice her baby bump.

“Uhm… yes. I am. Evan Buckley. So… these are your kids? You look quite young”, Buck asked and (Y/N) furrowed her brow until she realized, they haven’t talked about ages when they spent the night together. She was quite young for already having 4 kids. She had Liv when she was 16, but she barely told people, as she always got these judging looks.

“Yes, they are.” (Y/N) stared at the ground, unable to hold eye contact with the man she had a breathtaking night.

“Father’s not in the picture?”, Eddie asked and (Y/N) could see that Buck was relieved, that his friend asked the question, so he didn’t seem too suspicious.

“Um, no. He died 5 months ago. Car accident.” Instead of staring at the ground, (Y/N) now looked at the ceiling, trying to stop the tears, which always threatened to flow freely, whenever she talked about her late husband.

When she finally managed to make eye contact with Evan, she could see pain written over his face. Her husband died 5 months ago, around the same time, she slept with him. Had he been some kind of replacement? He knew they agreed to one night – no personal information, but it still hurt to know she didn’t actually feel the tiniest bit. She only had tried to compensate everything.

---

Around 3 hours later, in which the 118 got a small call once but came back after only one and a half hour, they all sat at the big table, because it was dinner time. Most of the time, (Y/N) stood on the sidelines, as she didn’t really feel comfortable around all these people she barely knew, and Buck. Nobody seemed to have noticed the baby bump which was covered under her shirt.

And now, (Y/N) even felt nauseous and had cramps in her lower belly. Her other pregnancies had gone quite well, except the last few months with the twins, but this pregnancy was terrible. She already had to go to hospital 4 times in the last 5 months, as she couldn’t keep anything down and had been severely dehydrated.

After only 2 bites, (Y/N) had to lay down the fork because she felt like she would throw up right away if she ate only one more bite. She had already thrown up breakfast and everything she drank today. She was lucky no one noticed she hasn’t eaten a piece of cake before.  

“Are you ok?”, the brown-haired man from before asked. Eddie? (Y/N) has always been terrible with names and couldn’t remember any. It took her 2 weeks to even remember Henry’s name after she met him, something he also made fun of, even years later.

“Uh yes. Just not feeling too great today”, she answered, trying to suppress the feeling to be sick. Her throat felt tight and her stomach felt like it was twisting and turning. The cramps were still present. She knew she wasn’t having a miscarriage as she once had one, and it felt different. The symptoms were pretty much the same, but she had another feeling. She had felt like something was missing, but this here wasn’t any better.

“You sure? You don’t look too good and you haven’t eaten much. Don’t you like the food?”, her father intervened now.

“The food’s great. Really. I haven’t been feeling my best today, that’s it.”

“Do you want one of the medics to take a look at you?” Bobby really seemed worried, but his daughter waved him off.

“Dad. Don’t make more out of it than it is.” Her dad made an acknowledging sound and (Y/N) thanked him silently with a small nod.

(Y/N) fidgeted with her hands, a nervous habit, she always did when she felt uncomfortable. Today, this many people were too much. She has never liked being around many people for a long time. She felt like everyone was staring at her and making fun off her or thinking of her as a disappointment when she did something wrong. Her kids were different, except of Liv. Liv came after her mom in these things, while the others luckily came after their dad and were the most social persons in this world.

Everyone looked at (Y/N), as she suddenly stood up, because a wave of nausea waved over her. As fast as possible she went to the restrooms, but only made it to the sink, where she threw up the bit of water she had managed to drink before. She rinsed her mouth and looked in the mirror. She looked like shit. Her skin was pale and her lips dry.

The door opened, and a woman stepped inside. She was around as tall as (Y/N) was and wore a wine-red shirt, that showed she worked at the 911 dispatch center. Had she been at the dinner table before? Or has (Y/N) just not seen her?

“Oh hey. Sorry. Just needed a break from out there. Who are you? I have never seen you here before. I am Maddie by the way. Chimney’s fiancé, Buck’s sister.”

(Y/N) raised an eyebrow. Buck’s sister?

“(Y/N). Bobby’s daughter. Nice to meet you.”

“Are you okay? You don’t look too well.” Again, this question. No, she wasn’t ok. But she didn’t say anything, so everyone should stop asking her. If she wanted someone to know she wasn’t well, she would tell.

“It’s okay. Just not feeling my best today.” Maddie nodded.

“Ok.” She didn’t pry further to get information, what (Y/N) was very thankful for.

“Soo. You are Bobby’s daughter? Athena has never mentioned, that Bobby has a daughter. She usually talks about everything.” Maddie furrowed her brow.

(Y/N) shrugged her shoulders.

“He doesn’t like talking about his private life too much.”

(Y/N) went back to the table, after she was sure she wouldn’t have to throw up again. But when she arrived at the dinner table again, she felt she was dizzy. Congratulations. First, she was sick and now she was dizzy because she didn’t drink or eat enough today.

She caught Bobby’s concerned gaze as he was looking at her, before everything went black.

___

“Heyyy! Here we go. You with us again?” She felt something painful on her chest and after a few moments she realized it was someone performing sternal rub to bring her back around. (Y/N) grumbled something.

When she tried to sit up again, there was a firm hand on her shoulder that kept her laid down.

“Damn, let me sit up if I want to. I am fine.” But (Y/N) noticed on her own how hoarse she sounded from being sick.

The hand suddenly disappeared from her shoulder, but when (Y/N) sat up, the hand was back at her back to steady her and kept her from falling over. Finally, she managed to open her eyes and caught look on the brown-haired man – Eddie. Evan sat directly next to her.

“We are just going to check a few things, ok?” All (Y/N) did, was giving an acknowledging sound from her.

The next thing she felt was a pulse-oximeter being slipped on her index finger and a blood pressure cuff on the other arm. She winced when Eddie inflated it and it squeezed tightly around her arm, which made her eyes well up with tears.

She had never liked the BP reading. When she was a kid, she cried freely as it made her arm feel like needles were jabbing it.

“Sorry.” Eddie was quick to deflate the cuff again after noticing the tears in (Y/N)’s eyes but she just shook her head to show everything’s ok. “BP’s 108/70. We are going to give you something to raise it again.”

“No! Wait!” (Y/N) frantically said. “I… I…” She made a sign for Eddie to come near to her so she could whisper into his ear without anyone hearing it. “I am pregnant but no one can know yet. I didn’t tell anyone.”

“Okayyy… I think we should go somewhere more private.” (Y/N) nodded agreeing.

Despite the other’s confused looks, they made their way to the locker room. Once they were there, Eddie began talking again.

“Has this happened before?”

“Yes, I already was in hospital because of it but it is just this morning sickness. I can’t keep anything down and it makes me dehydrated.” When (Y/N) looked to her right, she could see Buck looking at them but he couldn’t hear anything, right? He wasn’t as near and it was quite loud upstairs.

“Mhm. I want to hook you up on an IV if that’s ok with you? I don’t want you to be as dehydrated as you are now and I figure you don’t want a trip to the ER?”

“Yes, if that is possible, please.”

Only a few seconds later, (Y/N) could see her dad storming into the locker room.

“Sweetheart, what happened?” He looked kind of mad but also worried.

“Ehm… It is complica…”

“She is dehydrated because she didn’t drink or eat enough. She just wants to be alone for a moment and I can give her an IV,” Eddie intervened. (Y/N) shot him a thankful gaze and a tiny smile. She liked Eddie. He was really kind. She couldn’t think of any of her friends, who would do that for her.

“Mhm. Ok. I am going to call Athena. She said she would be here earlier. I’ll come back later.”

Bobby disappeared as fast as he came into the room.

“Thanks. For not telling him.” Eddie smiled at her.

“It’s not on me. And I think there are going to be better circumstances for that talk. How far are you?”

“5 months.”

“Ah. May I ask…”, he hesitated for a moment. “Is it your late husband’s baby?”

“No.” You didn’t know for sure why you told him, but he kind of let you feel calm and safe. “We didn’t… you know… the time before he died. We argued a lot. Had a one-night stand just a few hours after he died.”

“You know the father? Were you able to call and tell him?” Eddie looked honestly interested while he put an IV bag out of the medkit.

(Y/N) shook her head before nodding.

“I haven’t seen him… until today.” Eddie looked shocked and raised his eyebrows.

“Today? Is he here? At the station?”

(Y/N) nodded guiltily and looked at the ground when she heard Eddie chuckle.

“Damn, tell me more. Who is it?”

“Buck.”

“Buck?” The firefighter looked even more shocked than before and you nodded again.

“I didn’t know his name we agreed to ‘no personal information’. Why would I know he worked at my dad’s workplace? God… when he will find out he is going to be so pissed.” Eddie shook his head.

“Nah, I don’t think so. He will understand. And hey. You don’t have to defend yourself.” She smiled at his kindness.

She watched as Eddie swabbed the alcohol pad over the back of her hand.

“I would recommend to close your eyes if you are not good with needles”, he suggested. But (Y/N) couldn’t. She needed to see what Eddie was doing, even though she wasn’t good with needles. When the firefighter pushed the needle in the back of her hand, she let out a small squeal.

“Told you to keep your eyes closed but you refused to listen.” She heard Eddie chuckle. “Do you have any other symptoms I should be worried about?”

“I have cramps”, she admitted.

“Lower belly?” (Y/N) nodded. Why couldn’t she just have been home. She would lie on the couch and relax, but instead she was here, being poked and prodded by a firefighter.

“Can I take a look?” She nodded again. Eddie pulled her shirt over her abdomen and pressed his palm on different spots. (Y/N) looked upstairs, and froze. Fuck. She forgot that Evan was still standing upstairs, looking at the locker room. Looking at her.

Her eyes widened. Why had she agreed to this? Why didn’t she insist on being ok and went home? Why was she so stupid? She wanted to slap herself for not thinking.

Eddie seemed to notice her sudden panic, the pulse-oximeter, which was still clipped to her finger, chirped in high pitched noises.

“Hey, hey. Look at me. Deep breaths. What’s up?”

“B… Buck.” The firefighter looked where she was pointing at and sucked in a deep breath.

“Ok. That’s ok. We’ll fix that, after we are finished here, ok? It’ll be ok. Don’t worry. Try to breathe with me, the baby won’t like you breathing like that.” Demonstrative, Eddie took some deep breaths. “Do you know the gender yet?”

(Y/N) could tell that Eddie was only trying to distract her but she played along.

“A… girl. It’s a girl. Again.” She laughed. Her breathing became slower, steadier.

“That’s great. You already told your kids?”

“Mhm.”

“How did they react? Are they happy?” Eddie grinned at her.

“Y… yes. They are. James was a bit d- disappointed at first. H- he hoped he would finally get a brother t- to play soccer with.” (Y/N) smiled. “But the g- girls were all over t-the moon.”

The brown-haired man, put an oxygen mask over her face, which she tried to pull off, but his hand was immediately back, to hold the mask in place.

“Let it on, please”, he said with a look at the pulse-oximeter which was still chirping. “It’ll make it easier to breathe for you.

(Y/N) nodded, even though she hated the feeling of the mask, which made her feel the opposite of ‘easier to breathe’.

“Can I have a listen to the baby’s heartbeat?” After he had seen (Y/N) nodded again, he took the stethoscope and pressed the diaphragm to her belly.

“Looks good so far. The heartbeat is a bit fast for my liking but it’s nothing too concerning, just take some deep breaths, ok?”

“Copy, Firefighter Diaz.” (Y/N) took some deep breaths.

Just a few seconds later, someone stormed into the locker room. Buck.

“You… you are pregnant?” Buck hoped that (Y/N) would tell him it wasn’t his. That it was her husband’s.

“Yes.” She was surprised that her voice didn’t sound as high and panicking as she thought it would. She was scared. Scared of Buck’s reaction, which became even more clear, as the pulse-oximeter started to chirp frantically again.

Eddie took a look and was surprised how high the shown numbers were.

“Deep breaths”, he commanded her. But she couldn’t.

“Who’s the dad? Is it mine? Or is there a tiny chance, that it is your husband’s?” Even though (Y/N) thought something like that would come out of Buck’s mouth, she felt disappointment deep in her. She hoped he would not sound as panicked as he was now.

“Your’s.” (Y/N) fell silent, holding her breath in anticipation of what Evan would say now.

“Oh… wow. I have to admit that is a shock. Why… why didn’t you tell me? I could have been there with you.”

“I didn’t have your number, your address, your workplace. Not even your name! I didn’t even know if you lived in LA or somewhere else! What should I have done?”

Eddie put the oxygen mask over her mouth and nose, that she just put off again, but she immediately put it back to the floor. She didn’t want to breathe in the oxygen. It made her feel lightheaded and nauseous and gave her a headache.

“(Y/N)! Damn, breathe properly now the baby’s not comfortable anymore. Buck, I think you should go now and let her breathe a bit without the stress, this conversation puts on her.”

“No, he won’t go now! Not until this conversation is finished!” (Y/N) glared at Eddie. She wasn’t sure if that were the pregnancy hormones speaking out of her which have made her a bit temperamental these last few months.

“What do you want to do now? Buck? Do you have a girlfriend? Do you want to be a part in the baby’s life? Do you want to be part in MY life? I need to know it.” She could feel tears welling up in her eyes. Definitely the hormones which made her act strange at the moment.

“I don’t know exactly what I want to do now. But I don’t have a girlfriend. And I want to be part of the baby’s life. I want to be their father…”

“Her. It’s a girlie. Again.” (Y/N) could see Evan smiling a bit.

“Ok. I want to be HER father and spend time with her. And I think I would like to try to go on a date… with you. If you think you are ready. I liked you the last time we met, even though that could be because I had been really drunk that night.” Buck laughed and blushed a bit.

“I think… I think we can give it a try. I don’t know if I am ready for everything. But I do know I am ready for something. And maybe that could be with you.”

“Ok… uhm… great. And now you should really try to breathe properly with that mask. I know it’s not great, but even I can recognize how high your vitals are.”

She did as she was told. (Y/N) knew she liked Buck. He was cute. She wouldn’t have imagined to see a man like him blushing when talking about a baby and dating.

“I’m nauseous.” Eddie and Buck both looked a bit worried.

“Deep breaths. I think it’s just the IV and oxygen. I put some meds in the IV that should help with the belly cramps, that could make you feel nauseous.”

(Y/N) only nodded. She suddenly felt exhausted. The adrenaline of the day started to wear of.

“I think I’m gonna drive the kids home and we are going to relax a bit while watching some tv. Thank you for everything.”

“Wait. Stop. I won’t let you drive home alone. You don’t feel good and I wouldn’t like to know you don’t have anyone with you except you kids.” She nodded again. Evan was right. It would be stupid to not have anyone around her.

“I can come with you. Just if that’s ok with you.”

“Yes. That would be great. Thanks.”

“No problem. Shall we take your car?”

“Mhm.” She was thankful. She could really imagine Buck as a boyfriend. He is great.

---

“That doesn’t make any sense.” Evan laughed. He, (Y/N) and Liv were sat on the couch, watching a firefighter show, (Y/N) and Liv had been addicted to in the last few weeks.

“It doesn’t matter! This show is great!” Liv and Evan discussed about the mistakes in the show since around 10 minutes and it made (Y/N) smile. It was like a real family. Even though it hurt her a bit that it wasn’t Henry, sitting here. But let’s be honest: Henry would have never watched a show like that.

“That doesn’t change the fact, that you don’t use the saw like that. It’s just not safe!”

“Then just do not pay attention to the details.” Now, it was Liv laughing. (Y/N) hasn’t seen her daughter that happy in the last few months. She tried to cover up her emotions but it didn’t work completely. Her eyes started to burn and she felt a pressure building up. No, she wasn’t going to cry. Not in front of Evan. Her daughter. No.

“I’ll go to toilet for a moment.” She hoped nobody would notice she was about to cry, but her voice gave it away. She sounded hoarse and her voice broke at some point.

She locked the bathroom door and sank down to the cold floor, where she curled up, leaning her back on the even colder wall. Her hand was rubbing circles over her swollen belly. Damn it.

(Y/N) knew she missed Henry. She knew her kids have missed him every second since his death. But she was scared. Scared that moving on with Evan would make her forget her late husband. She heard a gentle knock on the wooden bathroom door.

“May I come in?” Buck.

“Ok.” Her voice sounded hoarse. She attempted to brush the tears away but it really didn’t work. Her eyes were still read, as well as her cheeks.

She got up to unlock the door, for Buck to come in. After he stepped inside the room, he closed the door again. He sat down next to her, and (Y/N) leaned her head on his shoulder.

“What’s up?”, he asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

“Nothing.” Evan shot her a look, that said more than a thousand words.

“This honestly doesn’t look like nothing.”

“I don’t want to forget Henry. And I am scared. I have never had a relationship before him. And I still have cramps. And I still don’t feel too good in general. And I am scared of giving birth alone. And I am scared of everything else in my life.” Buck looked at her with a concerned expression and immediately pulled her into a hug as (Y/N) began to cry again.

“Ok. So, we first go to hospital, because these cramps make me worried, and then we can figure everything else out, ok?” He pressed a sloppy kiss on (Y/N)’s forehead, and she nodded.

“Mhm. But you need to help me get up, the baby is in the way.”