Sanophiliac > Keizos

sanophiliac > keizos

reblog, like, yk the drill!

― Anne Sexton, Anne Sexton: A Self-Portrait in Letters

masterlist

────────────── 愛

NEW WORKS

coming soon!

─────────────────────

OLD WORKS

(_ _).｡oO

> tokyo revengers

shinichiro sano: four tea mugs • many times over • a tore copper coin, in the back of your pocket

takeomi akashi: a tore copper coin on the back of your pocket

chifuyu matsuno: 2516 by luna li

keisuke baji: october 31st

manjiro sano: a sweet thing called love

> jujutsu kaisen

yuuji itadori: the one

a sweet thing called love

for tiny mikey

@keizos @kallikrein @nozomiasl @saturnmitsuya @souyawn @mqtsuno @blondbirb @lostinthe-jojos felt like tagging you guys, hope you all like it ! ♡

-have you gone insane, mikey?! -emma! your dolls are dead! -no! mikey! i’m sorry!

kindergarten it’s a weird period of a person’s life. and to manjiro sano, it was no exception

he couldn’t complain though. barely assisting to the classroom, spending the day eating in his seat, watching other kids do the things that, well, kids do. and ignoring his exhausted and poorly paid teachers, observing them while they attempted to get the class attention, unimpressed and mostly bored. he has always been a reserved and mature (only when he felt like it) kid. certainly one of a kind

there were actually just a few things he could count with his palm that caught his attention, but they were all outside school and all involving his older brother at some point 1. his motorcycle 2. his gang 3. all types of candy  4. showing off his talent at the dojo 5. and his brother somewhat girlfriend this last point, we could say, it’s the most important for him now

it was tuesday, and on tuesdays, mikey has a two hours class with miss yukishi, an elder woman that imparts writing to the lower grades. she has decades of experience at his school and an impeccable record in the field of teaching

mikey didn’t like her class at all, simply because he always had work to do as shameless as it sounds, and she smelled like rosemary and wet soil much to mikey’s disguise. but she was kind after all, one of the few professors that managed to get him to focus. and on that particular day, he felt like attending and giving her a chance. mistake or not, he was surely glad he took the decision to be present

the assignment for the day, was writing a note with a minimum extension of 10 words, to whoever he wanted about any topic. his options were:

his older brother, no. he is dumb his little sister, no. she will make fun of him his grandpa, no. he is busy and he probably don’t like those kind of things keisuke from the dojo, no. he is even dumber y/n from his brother middle school oh, y/n from his brother middle school

young manjiro thought about love the same way he felt about santa claus. an illusion, something that makes people freak out, and act stupidly. he was used to feel embarrassed of his brother and the weird things he did for girls, so he swore to the gods that he would never lacerate his dignity like that. until he met you

see, he never felt attracted to any of his classmates, of course not. girls his age were missing teeth, wore funny pigtails, used too much glitter on their school artwork and were extremely nosy. they bothered him. while you, you were quiet and sweet, way too tall compared to his diminute height, your hair was perfectly combed and you always smelled nice. besides, the best thing of all, you hanged around his house sometimes, and you always watched him practice at the dojo, complimenting him and bringing him snacks. you were amiable, you were pretty

and he likes pretty things he likes pretty victory, he likes pretty praise, he likes pretty candy, he likes pretty girls like you

so one day, he definitely saw why his brother was whipped for you, he understood it and reciprocated it, much to shinichiro’s misfortune

he vividly remembers a few nights ago, catching the two of you sharing a few pecks on the lips in his house backyard, when you both thought no one would see you. and it certainly was a strange feeling for him, like when you want something from a store and you arrive just in time to see that someone else is taking the last piece, exactly like that. he was mad, he frowned, and he went to sleep without having dinner

a very much concerning thing coming from him

in that moment, he decided that he was taking action by himself, and with miss yukishi most recent assignment, he had a plan

you might have shared some kisses or whatever disgusting things, but he knew his older brother was a dumbass and that he probably hasn’t asked you out yet. so he was taking advantage on that later, mostly like plan b. for now, the card was his holy grail

a couple of classes later, staying a few hours after school time for practicing, some elderly advices for troubles with the ladies and thousands of attemps in the trashing can, he finally wrote something eligible. miss yukishi was patient and she was good at what she did, so little manjiro finally accepted her to what she truly was, a great teacher

now, he just had to give it to you

but how?

it shouldn’t be that hard, right?

-how did you dare to write stuff like this to my girl?! you tryin’ to ask her out or something?!

the thing is that, emma found the card under mikey’s pillow while roaming curiously on his room and she had the brilliant idea to run to shinichiro and make fun of him together. it seemed like a good plan for starters, until the older one figured out who the card was for, and his burlesque smiled turned into a disgusted grimace

-she is not your girl yet! you are a coward enough to not make a move, so i will beat you to it!

lie his brother was a lot of things to him, a prick, a pathetic gangster wannabe and a lovefool. but shinichiro sano was not a coward, and he was just talking things that he knew would get on his nerves. a risky road to take, indeed

-that’s so not happening! and it is actually not your problem! thank god emma told me about this -she is a snitch! snitches deserve to die!

the little girl was hiding under his big brother’s leg, fearing for her life and the safety of her toys. fat, hot tears falling from her cheeks, regretful. that’s just how kids were, doing things without thinking. she didn’t expect all of this to happen, not at all

-hey! apologize to her! and to me too! how can you stab your brother from the back like that, huh?! -you both can kiss my butt! -you little shi-

-good evening, grandpa sano. can i come in?

the three pair of eyes gleamed and directed down the hall at the same time, where your voice was heard

-she is here!

emma screamed and mikey jumped to snatch the piece of paper from his brother’s hand, running to you -give me that! -no! y/n! don’t read anything he gives you!

you were just greeting grandpa sano, and in an instant, you felt the three of them ambushing you

-hi y/n. this is for you, i wrote it. open it now- mikey was sweating and clinging to your waist, subsequently grabbing your hand and carefully placing the piece of paper inside. it was not just paper, actually. it was his tiny heart, his innocent emotions harboring for the first time, all of this, in your palm -huh? are you guys okay? -please don’t- shinichiro was practically on the floor, with pleading eyes. what the hell was going on? -please hurry, could you read it now? -o-okay, calm down you too

they didn’t even greet you, and you noticed emma’s watering eyes, something you will take care of after this mess. you needed to open it

and when you did, it had the words

you are sweet like dorayaki that is why i like you

mikey

it was done, you read it. he followed your eyes scan the paper in front of him, his effort, his feelings. everything stood there, freezed. relying on your reaction, waiting. certainly not patiently, but waiting

he was, nervous? he doesn’t really know. his heart felt like stopping from how fast it was beating, and he was breathing so harshly that he even felt dizzy for a moment. this is all new to him, and he wasn’t sure if he was really enjoying it anymore

so this is love? ew

until you crouched in front of him, and folded the tiny piece of paper on a square, holding it close to your chest. you looked at him tenderly, and smiled

-this is really nice of you, manjiro. your writing improved a lot, i’m very proud of you- you even noticed that -you really think so?- his eyes were glowing. compliments fell on his ears every once in a while, in the dojo and sometimes at school. but hearing it from you was a diferent level, you were that special, and you had no idea -yeah, of course. and also, you know i like you too, mikey you leaned closer and smooched his left cheek twice, leaving marks of your cherry chapstick all over it -be good, okay? and be sure to thank miss yukishi for teaching you what you now know, treat her nicely and be grateful always, can you do that for me? you were well aware of his blind hatred to miss yukishi, and with this, you hoped he learned a lesson. he was a kid after all, and he still needed to learn about a lot of things -sure thing. can i ask you something too? you hummed, stroking his hair gently, placing his gold locks behind his ear, carefully listening his words -can you give me another kiss? -hey!

before shinichiro could even bark again, you grabbed his face and another big loud kiss was now planted on his right cheek. from all the smeared balm you couldn’t really see if it was a natural nervous blush or the cosmetic pigment, but you decided to believe it was the first option, and your smile went wider -there. now i payed my debt, right? -can i have another? -absolutely not, go get a shower or something. we are going out- shinichiro interrupted -whatever, mom -yeah, yeah. go to your room, you smurf

-thanks again mikey, i loved it

you loved it

-before you leave, i want to know something

you and shinichiro were going out together, and he was staying at home, as usual. other times, when the two of you spend time alone, he is left with this certain sensation of emptyness that makes him sleepy and uneasy. but now, this feeling in his heart is due the way he emptied it completely that night, he wasn’t glad you were his brother’s, but you were aware of how he felt, and not only that, you even said you liked him too, so he was content. you even kissed him three times

he was so ready for not taking a bath in months and running tomorrow to the dojo to show keisuke your marks on his cheeks

oh, first love 

-are you serious right now? -let him talk, shin- the older one rolled his eyes, squeezing your hand tighter

-can i be next? -next in what? -when you get rid of my brother, can i be your next man? -are you sure you are four years old, manjiro? -sadly, yes -that’s it, you are done

SMOKE SIGNALS

character(s): akashi takeomi x gn!reader

notes: i remb the first time i smoked a cig i choked so bad i hit my head on the wall lmao

warnings: shotgunning

the tap tap tapping of rain outside your apartment window sets the mood for your weekend. dark, slightly dreary, lazy as you slide around your apartment on socked feet with the television buzzing low in the background. saturday is your off day, the one you reserve for movie marathons and avoiding any and all responsibilities no matter the costs.

it’s going well, too.

you’re currently curled up on your couch, cheek smushed against your hand as you stare blankly at the movie playing. you don’t even know the name of it, but you do know it’s boring. (not boring enough for you to care to change, but boring nonetheless).

then there’s a falter in the rhythmic tapping of rain, another tone of taps—harder, more firm than that of liquid—sounding throughout your apartment. but not from the door.

your eyes flit frantically towards the source, and for a second your heart screeches to a halt inside your chest at the sight of silhouette in your window. then, you notice the familiar leather jacket and horrid tri-dye job of hair and rise off the couch to go meet your intruder.

“i got scared because i thought there was a criminal on my fire escape,” you greet as you slide the window open, smile gracing your lips. “and look, i was right.”

“funny,” takeomi huffs, rolling his eyes. a cigarette hangs off his lips, dripping wet from the rain and the slight trace of a soggy ruined light on the end. “now back up, i’m freezing my ass off out here.”

you do as you’re told, stepping back to let the man crawl through your window and quickly shutting it back before too much rain gets in. not that it matters, because takeomi’s soaked form is doing well in drenching your floor regardless.

“haven’t you heard of an umbrella?” you tease, watching as he takes off his boots before turning to walk towards your bedroom. “or a door for that matter?”

“i was in a rush,” he answers, nonchalantly, as his wet socks pat against the floor behind you with each step.

“let me guess,” you hum, walking into your bedroom and gesturing him to the bathroom, because his sogginess can’t ruin tile. “running from the cops and you need to lay low for a few hours?” you sift back to the corner of your closet that holds clothes that don’t particularly belong to you (though that hasn’t stopped you from wearing them occasionally, only when your laundry is in the wash, you swear!) and grab out a t-shirt and sweats. “and me, your favorite person, was who you decided to run to. why omi, i’m flattered.”

“turning myself in is sounding better by the minute,” takeomi simpers, leaned against the doorframe of the bathroom as he watches you approach him. the loose bangs that hang in his eyes, cutting through deep irises, have you wanting to run your fingers back through them.

“oh you’d never,” you wave off, handing him the clothes. his fingertips brush against yours as he takes them. “you couldn’t bare to be away from me that long.”

he scoffs at you, but that tilt never leaves his lips as he turns and slams the bathroom door in your face. you bite the corner of your lip, “towels are under the—“

“i know where they are!” he barks before you can even finish, and for some reason that makes something stupidly giddy pool in your stomach.

you shuffle your feet out of your bedroom and into the kitchen, instantly on a mission. you keep his favorite drinks in the back of your fridge for times just like this, so with a little pep in your step you shimmy on over. you can hear the bathroom door click open and you smile to yourself at the ridiculously fast pace he’s able to dry off and change in.

(you think it has something to do with having siblings, sharing a bathroom growing up, that sort of thing).

you’ve just leaned up from your scrounging in the fridge, nudging the door shut with your hip when he emerges into the kitchen along with you—faded shirt and worn out sweats never looking so good. holding the drink out, you step up to him, reaching a hand forward to pick a piece of lint off his chest.

“you don’t look so much like a wet dog anymore.” it’s teasing, light, comfortable as it always is as you let your palm rest against his chest for a little longer than necessary.

and, as if to simply spite you, takeomi shakes his still damp hair, slinging the remnants of rain all over you—much like a bad, wet dog.

he cracks a grin at your pout, taking the drink from your hand and leaning down just low enough to press his lips to your temple. you can feel the upturn of lips against your skin and you want to revel in it, grip the front of his t-shirt and keep him there.

but he leans back just as soon as he leaned in, a hand meeting to top of your head to rub it in the way an older brother would, and you remind yourself you shouldn’t think like this.

because you’ve known him since forever, a constant in your life since you can remember really, and you need to remind yourself that that’s where the comfortableness comes from.

you were just a little tag along, clinging to takeomi’s shirttail and admiring his every move with wide eyed awe—now you’re a run to, lending spare sweats and eyeing the way he walks around your apartment.

you’re a dependent and dependable at the same time, that’s the reason he comes to you.

nothing else.

“so,” you clear your throat, watching as he makes hisself at home and plops onto your sofa. trailing after, you take your seat beside him. “what was it today? murder, robbery..”

“for your information, dollface, i’m completely innocent. didn’t do a single thing.”

you snort, rolling your eyes as you lean back on the couch cushions, arms crossed over your chest as you stare forward at the t.v. (mostly because you don’t think you’d be able to look away if you dared to even steal a glimpse of takeomi right now).

“yeah, okay,” you dismiss, “and that’s what you said last week. and the week before that. and the week before that. and then i got to see your ugly mug on my evening news.”

it’s silent for a moment, the rain and television taking over the apartment. you realize your mistake instantly.

“oh, i’m ugly, huh?”

the smirk in his voice is audible and you try to duck on instinct before he even makes a move to grab you. but it’s useless, you should absolutely know that by now, and the ducking proves pointless when an arm wraps around your shoulders and a hand collides with your head to rub at it in a way that has you kicking and screaming.

“get off me you lug!” you squeal, pushing at his arm and doing your damndest to elbow him anywhere that will get him to let go of you.

“take it back!” he huffs in return, grunting as your elbow meets his ribs, but not loosening his grip in the slightest.

“never!”

“then no!”

“you’re an ass!”

“you love it!”

the argument dies down but the angered tension doesn’t, neither of you wavering in your positions as takeomi keeps you in a damn near chokehold and you pout as you refuse to admit defeat. because like hell you’d tell him he isn’t ugly. and do what? just watch as his ego inflated tenfold? no way. you’d never live it down. you’d rather die.

nearly a minute passes, no moves made between the two of you, when suddenly you feel a shift and the fumbling of a box. you dare to glance over and see takeomi pulling his box of cigs out of his sweatpants, because of course they couldn’t have been soaked to ruins by the rain. before he can even fumble on your end table for the lighter he knows you keep there, you’re elbowing his ribs again.

“not in here,” you frown, wrinkling your nose at him, “you know it jacks with my alarm.”

the glare takeomi sends your way as if it’s your fault that your smoke alarm seems to only go off because of his cigarettes makes you want to punch him, but the pout that takes over seconds after as if he’s totally broken about it has you softening. you sigh, placing your hands on his arm to shove him off and grunting when he still doesn’t release his grip.

“do you want to smoke or not?” you groan, “we gotta go to my bedroom window, it’s the only one that won’t get you soaked.”

he looks at you for a moment, brows canted like it’s taking him a while to actually consider and weigh his options—which you find odd, because he normally never hesitates to jump at the opportunity to get his precious little cigs between his lips. then, his arm slowly loosens around you enough for you to break free and lead him to your room.

you’re not entirely sure who built the little makeshift awning outside your bedroom window. it’s always been there, since you moved in you’re pretty sure, but it’s obvious it’s not really supposed to be. but it’s kind of nice, shields it from the rain and weather when you sit in the sill.

which is why it’s takeomi’s favorite window in your apartment.

he’s a picture as he sits there, back pressed to the side and a leg propped up on it haphazardly. his head falls back as he inhales off his cig, and the way it twists tantalizingly out of his mouth and fades into the damp air has your stomach fluttering in a way you only wish you could ignore. like always, you find yourself drawn back to him—as if you weren’t just trying to break free from his hold moments ago—and make your way to the sill. and, like always, he shifts his leg to rest outside the window so you can sit across from him.

it’s moments like these, specifically, that you’re reminded why he has you wrapped so tightly around his finger. because yeah, he’s annoying and irritating and pisses you off to no end, but then he’s this. innocent kisses pressed to your temple and joking on your loveseat and sitting across from you on your window sill—just tiny moments that don’t mean much but are somehow worth it all.

“oi.” takeomi’s voice cuts through the fog of your mind, bringing you back to his hazy presence as you peer at him through a sheer layer of smoke. “want one?”

“what?” and surely you didn’t hear him correctly. he’s.. offering you a puff of his cigarette? there’s no way, not takeomi, because he used to tell you he’d kill you if he ever caught you with one. because someone as pretty as you shouldn’t do such a thing, should stay away from all that bad stuff.

(you found it ironic, since he literally murders for a living, but you never argued).

he holds the half burnt cigarette out to you, eyebrow cocked like he’s confused. “do you want a smoke? you keep staring at it.”

“oh.” it hits you, then, that he was simply asking because he caught you staring. but you weren’t staring at the goddamn cig, you were staring at him. maybe he doesn’t really have to know that part of it, though. “ah no, i don’t wanna put it…”

you gesture with your hands towards your mouth, internally cursing yourself that that was the best excuse you could come up with, that you didn’t want the cigarette to touch your fucking lips. for a second, though, you’re relieved, because takeomi nods like he gets it. like he approves. but then he’s leaning forward, reaching towards you again.

“well that’s not a problem,” he says.

and then he’s gripping your jaw and taking a hit and suddenly something completely foreign and definitely not oxygen is being blown into your mouth and infiltrating your lungs.

this is not like breathing, you decide, as your throat burns and your eyes water just a little bit, but you absolutely refuse to cough. not when takeomi’s face is so close. not when he’s still holding onto your jaw. not when his thumb is rubbing gentle circles into it while he stares at your lips and runs his tongue over his own and.

oh. the breath gets knocked out of you so fast that you forget you were supposed to be choking on cigarette smoke.

you almost miss it, the near silent “fuck” that slips out of his lips as he sees you release it all smoothly, like it wasn’t your first time ever inhaling cigarette smoke. something clicks in you, in him, at the same time. the rain is still pouring outside and the window sill is starting to cut into your leg a little and the humidity is making you dizzy but none of that really matters as takeomi shoves your back hard against the window frame and takes another swig from his stupid cig before slamming his lips to yours.

this time is inherently different than the first.

for starters, it’s not just a hand to your jaw restraining you, but takeomi’s got his other hand securely locked on your hip. you wonder where the cig is, if it’s still between his fingers, if it might burn you on accident, but you can’t think about it long.

the next thing you notice is that the burn is worse. because this time there’s no exit for he smoke that’s drifted it’s way into your system, you’re not too sure how to blow it out your nose and takeomi’s mouth keeps you trapped save for the few curls of grey that slip out every movement of lips.

and lastly—it’s so much fucking better than before.

you wish you could stay like this forever; the harsh burn in your lungs countered by the soft press of lips making you go totally dumb. but your body defies you, and this go around it’s not so easy to fend off the cough that starts to rack through your chest, so (begrudgingly) you shove takeomi back before you can hack in his mouth.

you find that it’s very very hard to try to catch your breath and cough every ounce of smoke out of your lungs at the same time, and if your eyes weren’t watering before then they sure as hell are now as you hold a hand to your chest.

“shit, sorry. ‘m sorry. that was stupid, are you alright?” takeomi rushes, hand sliding to rub soothing little patterns into the side of your throat. the cig is gone now, you realize, as he raises his other hand to swipe at the stray liquid that slips from your eye. “i shouldn’t have done that.”

“no, no, i-i’m fine. swear.” even you can tell your smile is sheepish as one last cough bubbles up. you stare at the man in front of you for a second, then dare to reach forward to brush the bangs out of his eyes. “that was, uh..”

“yeah,” he laughs, biting the edge of his lip. “shit, yeah, alright. not really how i planned for that to go.”

you snort at him, throat feeling a little rough but not necessarily bad as it vibrates with it. your fingers find their way to the front of his shirt, toying with it and smiling to yourself as he shifts impossibly closer to you on the cramped little sill.

“the nearly choking me to death on smoke or the kissing?” you ask, finally, and takeomi rolls his eyes so hard you think they might get stuck like that.

“the kissing, you fucking ass,” he retorts, pinching your cheek and doing it again when you pretend to bite at him. “though i have to admit, the whole choking thing was kinda cute.”

“i hate you,” you scoff, shoving his chest with no real effort or force, and leaning into him when he snakes an arm behind you to tug you forward.

“you’re sending me really mixed signals then.” and that damned smirk that twists up his lips, all knowing and cocky and charming has you winding your arms around his neck. “care to clear them up?”

you smile against his lips, a cant to your own that you just can’t help as the scent of cigarette smoke lingers in the air.

“gladly.”

reblogs appreciated <3

— A TORE COPPER COIN, IN THE BACK OF YOUR POCKET —

takeomi akashi x reader x shinichiro sano

angst. +2.5k words. @lostinthe-jojos @saturnmitsuya @souyawn @kallikrein @blondbirb in case you'd like to read it :)

coins always have two sides, heads or tails

there are always two versions for each story. just as the sun spreads its light, the latent darkness that remains hidden, later takes over everything around. what is defined as right, and what is known as wrong. the desperate crying and the constant laughter. good people and the ones that want see you fall to pieces. death and life

whether it was day or night, april or december, in those times of youth that now seem abandoned and marked forever with the traces of tires from multiple motorcycles and cigarette leftovers, they used to fight over everything

every aspect. every joke. every bet

they knew each other since they were infants, after all. always running around, chasing the one after the another

among their inseparable gang, shinichiro always challenged takeomi. and intentionally or not, he always won

from the most insignificant thing with the cheekiest and childish purpose, to the most serious matters about the future of their crescent gang his nature was like that, showing his affection to others in that particular way he could only manage to achieve, carefree, charismatic and noble

-what's so important about winning?- the older sano used to inquire his partner as if it were nothing, looking into his eyes, sideways. akashi's teeth twisted inside his mouth every single time. shinichiro spoke serenely, but to takeomi was a direct scream into his ear, buzzing, deafening. impending defeat. why things always have to be like this?

on one side, akashi was used to make himself look disinterested to his friend antics. the best at hiding his emotions, the best liar, the best at pretending. but deep down inside his guts, in the remotest part of his self, the growing feelings of resentment that took over him, only strengthened with time, wishing to be the winning voice, even if it was just for once

while on the other, resided shinichiro. that even when he shamefully lost in a fight, he owned the victory. when he was silent in an argument, he still had the reason, the upper hand above everyone. all of this unbeknownst to him, actually

heads or tails?

sano was the head after all, the leader, the great, the admirable. takeomi just watched all this happen from afar, second in command. in reality, it never bothered him that much since that was his place from the beginning, he was well aware of it

but he was also a greedy man, money and success ruined him, and he was never good at making decisions. that’s why he kept behind, always behind

he was weak, and he knew it

except that, if there was one thing takeomi longed to be the first to, other than winning stupid games against one of his comrates or some cash in a dangerous entrust. it was to be owner of your desire

exactly, that

it’s always been him and the guys, his crew against tokyo. but with shinichiro, it came you. and you may not be part of the world they both shared, but you were certainly equal in importance. you were always near, shinichiro’s love since middle school, his forever girl and the only thing he ever talked about. the four of them could rely on you anytime, you were just another member

a loving soul that added an undescribable warmth to takeomi’s monotonous life, and you weren’t even his

maybe that was the problem

he doesn’t exactly know when did it all start. sure, since the first moment he saw you, he could tell how alluring you were. shinichiro really scored, a nice smile, a delightful personality, a lovely pair of eyes, pretty hair, pretty body. he was speechless, that you were with a guy like sano? wakasa and benkei weren’t doing any better  

not only that, quite dangerous feelings started to terrorize his mind at night, in the intimacy of his bed, with the moon as his only witness, while he soflty chanted your name before dawn, the forbidden prayers of a hidden sinner

those were the kind of things he started to seriously get worried about

it started innocent, it started subtle

from small gestures, like the blooming tingles he felt creeping in the tip of his fingers whenever he walked near you, and you both accidentaly grazed your hands. it meant nothing to you, but it surely did to him

to the serious issues that got harder him to ignore, to supress

like that one day, when it finally snapped it was pouring, and you were waiting for shinichiro outside of his newly opened store with a small umbrella as your shield, to bring him dinner, since he was staying late to finish the order of a client. but much to your misfortune, he was gone. probably running off to the store to get something he forgot. defeated, on your way home, you found akashi walking under the rain, drenching in his clothes, probably heading to s. s. motors too and when the two of you encountered each other, you decided to keep walking to part ways, not minding the already sopping clothes. both were casually talking with the water falling over yourselves in the middle of some street, when you saw how his hands were trembling, it was obvious, he was not around his usual cloud of smoke because of the weather and he was probably feeling a bit anxious. you were still using your umbrella, so you offered it entirely to him. now completely ruining your clothes in the process. he didn’t even react -what the hell are you doing?- he wasn’t expecting that at all, he is used to be the one who offers himself to others, in many ways more than just getting wet in the rain. he was already soaked, so it was no use -it’s been probably a while since you lighted a cigarette with this rain, so go on. i’ll hold it for you, sorry for not bringing a larger umbrella so we could both fit- and you grinned, inocently

it was such a naive thing, that’s just how you were. an effortlessly beautiful person. for an insignificant moment, you placed him before you, and you stood on the rain, the bento on you bag all wet, so he could smoke and calm himself for a few minutes before arriving home

a rather innecesary and weird thing to do, yes. nonetheless, it spoke a lot about how you were, caring and considerate. that’s why you were with shinichiro, and not him. there was no way he could possibly deserve you

then one night, he passed

and suddenly, on one grey afternoon you had to say goodbye to what remained of shinichiro in this world, and you were numb. you remember akashi waking you up, but you didn’t move. shin was not next to you in bed, how cold. you saw takeomi’s lips move, but you were not able to hear him. you stared at the corner, where some of shinichiro’s things stood, quiet and lonely. he undressed and prepared you to go out, what day was today? where was he taking you?

it was sano’s household, everyone were black dressed, and they all stared at you, faces full of sorrow

takeomi sat you down on the floor next to some people you couldn’t recognize, and when you finally lifted your head, you saw a picture of your boyfriend greeting you at the front, with that charming smile of his, all types of flowers, everywhere, and a small box in the middle with a black ribbon adorning it. please no, this is not real, please no

you shivered and left akashi’s side, slowly. he called you, but it was useless

wakasa and benkei noticed from the distance, standing against the door of the room, until both started walking towards you, something was odd

-sh-shin?- you leaned closer, and caressed the box the same way you were used to touch his cheek in the mornings, when you slept together. he was always warm. and now, it was all just lifeless, cold wood -there is no way he can fit in there. it must be hard to breathe. it's just a tiny box, he is not there. benkei, where is him? is he really there? take him out, he can't breathe! akashi! please, please help him, it must be difficult to be in there alone. please! someone!- the three of them were now next to you, trying to calm you down, keeping the most quietly possible. you were shouting, crying, whispering, all at the same time. it was real

he was gone

-take her out, she is going to scare the kids- benkei looked at takeomi, while he held you close to his chest. you were sobbing and babbling incoherences 

-shh, it's okay, pretty. we are here, everything will be fine, he is fine- wakasa stroked you hair gently, he then looked around, searching for the younger ones

-please help him, please- you couldn’t keep your eyes open and you started to feel how the air in your lungs left your body, everything went dark

-y/n! y/n! she is fainting- takeomi held you tightly and grabbed your face, seeing how you grew unconscious with every passing second

-then hurry the fuck up! she needs air, take her out! i’ll go with mikey and emma, they don’t need to worry over this- wakasa mentioned, and left the three of you. benkei followed him soonly after

akashi went to the backyard, there were no people and it all seemed full of gloom. he sat down, leaning on one of the walls to hold you between his arms. your lips parted slightly and you began to breathe normally again

how did this even happen? why him?

his eyes were on you, watching you gain your composture again. you blinked very subtly, and one of your hands weakly got up to fondle his neck, tenderly

you were the most sacred thing to him in his small infamous world. where he was the god of war and you ruled by his side

he wanted you more than all that for which he cried at night after going to sleep, when he was a kid, and he lost a fight. all those foolish dreams couldn’t compare to you

beautiful, kind

he got near to your lips, and he stared at them in a trance, he wanted it

he wanted it badly

so he finally did it

the light touch of his lips rested on yours, and he tasted the victory that he has longed for, all these years

the victory that has never belonged to him

he moved away and you looked at him directly, with your eyelids half closed, to then whisper

-shin?-

no

no, it wasn't him. he was no one in particular

-i love you-

no

those weren’t words for him, he knew it. you were hallucinating, rambling in the middle of the bliss within your unconsciousness. you didn’t love him. his heart was yours entirely, but your soul and whole being belonged to shinichiro sano, your forever foolish lover

and in this fleeting moment, you saw him in takeomi. it was all a fantasy, a brief and painful one. the last moment you would share with shin now that he is gone, and only the shadow of him remains, a greedy man who will never have your desire

but he was satisfied

he couldn’t ask for more

in that instant, he had what he most wanted, and even if it was a lie, he would live in it forever

-i love you too-

and he meant it. every breath, every blink of his eyes, every caress to your wet cheeks. he meant it all

he was giving himself into you

he loved you, more than what he could understand

but it was not right

-what the fuck do you think you are doing, huh?-

trapped in his illusion, ears deaf to the footsteps coming his way. benkei took him by the collar of his shirt and made him drop you abruptly, he didn’t expect it. air leaving his lungs when he impacted the wall, it hurt him

-answer me you bitch, this is not time for your bullshit- benkei’s gaze had an unbridled anger, the same one he uses in fights to terrorize his opponents, only that this time, it was totally raw and authentic, he couldn’t feel any other way, he was disgusted

-how did you dare to take advantage of her in such a state?-

-i’m sorry-

slap

-oh your sorry? for her? for me?- he was looking for the answer in his eyes, almost harassing him. akashi couldn’t lift his stare from your weak figure on the floor -or for you? and how miserable you are? huh?-

slap

-you are lucky i was the one who saw you, wakasa would have already fucking smashed your pathetic skull-

-i’m in love with her, benkei. and it’s not something new-

slap

his cheeks were bleeding, skin split open. but he said it, it was unbearable, just a matter of time

he has never said it out loud, to anyone. he shouldn’t, but it was done now

-i don't give a fuck. she was shinichiro's woman, that he isn't around anymore doesn't give you the right nor the permission to go and try stupid delusional bullshit like this. learn to live with it- benkei’s voice faltered for a second at the mention of his friend, in sour realization. those were words they would have to get used to, unfortunately

a dry and emotionless laugh emanated from takeomi

-and what do you think i've trying to do all this fucking time, huh?-

benkei remained silent for 34 seconds, to be exact, both only staring at each other. guilt, sorrow and misery mingled together to form a thick aura between them, dull as cigarette smoke and distressing as betrayal

-well try harder. she is not yours, she will never be. so get your shit together-

-death did them apart- he stood in silence, realizing what he just said. he didn’t really mean it, his poisonous heart was clouding his mind out of pure despair. he could already feel the loneliness creeping through his veins, and he couldn’t stand it

benkei just barked a laugh, pathetic as always, he could only think

-but i’m sure they will be together again someday, motherfucker. so stay away from her until then-

benkei picked you up from the floor and took care of your delicate state himself, while takeomi just watched you walk away from him, once again

even after shinichiro's death, he kept himself in the dark. second in command. he never changed, he could still hear his orders in his mind, vividly. he was not enough to be a leader, he was not enough for anything at all

and his feelings never changed, either

he would be there for you, always. hoping that one day you may look at him the same way you used to look at sano

nothing really changed

shinichiro and takeomi were the two sides of the same torn coin, plated in the same way

heads or tails?

takeomi akashi stayed as the tore copper coin on the back of your pocket

he remained there, silent

he remained there, alone

forever missing his other half

and waiting for you, to give it a use in your grieving slot machine heart, someday