I Laughed For 15 Minutes

i laughed for 15 minutes

solid

when ur friend gets a shitty new haircut and ur afraid to say anything

Hello, I don’t know if your requests are still open since I saw that u already have a lot of them… If you want and will find a bit of time can you do: your child asking you how are babies made with Baji izana and ran? Thank you sm please don’t pressure yourself take your time <3

— when your child ask how babies are made!

ft. baji, izana, ran + rindou

tw. fem!reader, children, talks of babies, mentions of pregnancy, slightly suggestive, straight up fluff and domestic stuff

an. i rarely take sfw requests but sometimes i like being cute, i added rindou cause he’d make a cute dad <3

꒰ baji ꒱

“daddy?” your daughter asks, nestled between his legs while your husband brushes through her hair, soft curses leaving his lips when he gets the brush stuck in her hair.

“where do babies come from?” she questions, leaning her face up to narrowing her eyes at baji, he shrugs his shoulders “usually i start with getting between your mommy’s legs—” baji stops when you kick his back from the couch “keisuke! seriously?” you shout, anger flickering in your eyes.

“what? she wants to know!” he laughs, gathering your daughter's hair and happy with her long black strands combed perfectly on her back “she’s also five!” you huff, gripping the bridge of your nose in annoyance.

baji rolls his eyes scooping your daughter up and laying her in his lap, he smiles leaning down and rubbing his nose against her warm cheeks “why you wanna know so bad?” he whispers, she bites at her inner cheek—thinking really hard, “i want another sister—or brother!” she explains happily, flashing her canines with her self indulgent answer.

“is that right? well for that to happen you gotta give me and mommy alone time and not playin’ princess tea party every night till your bedtime” baji snickers, glancing up at you and reaching his hand out to rub at your knee.

“what do you say mommy? think we should do that right now—since whatever the princess wants, gets” baji’s voice grows deep and you can’t help but drop your eyes in a haze.

your daughter crawls out of his lap, climbing up on the couch and gripping your cheeks within her tiny hands “i’ll give you and daddy all the time you need” she whispers and baji stands to his feet, leaning over to press a kiss to your daughters head before bending over to your ear “even though no matter all the alone time i get with you will never be enough” baji breathes in your ear his husky voice coloring the shell.

your daughter sighs snuggling deeper in your chest as baji leans back up sending a wink to you before walking towards your bedroom and you’re already jumping to your feet and rushing your daughter to her bed.

꒰ izana ꒱

izana sits on the couch with his son and daughter on either side of his hip, they all mindlessly watch a color television show in a tranquil silence.

noises of food crackle and pop while you make dinner for them, izana leaning up to watch your curves move in sync before feeling his daughter tug at his arm, “daddy where do babies come from?” she questions, bright eyes glaring at him—izana bites his lip at the question, his son joining in the conversation “yeah daddy tell us!”

izana stutters and trips over his words, “they come from my tummy” you walk over handing them both plates of food and nodding your head towards the dinner table. both children's attention quickly pulled to food, running over to the table and already starting to stuff their faces.

you lay over on izana’s lap, his hands gripping at your thighs “is that where children come from?” he jokes, laying his head on your shoulder, “you should know where they come from, always saying you’re gonna give them to me” you whisper before pulling from his lap and walking over to the table.

izana cheeks grow warm, still sitting on the couch in a daze as he watches his family waiting for him to join them, trying to hold back tears from escaping his eyes at true happiness laid out right in front of him.

꒰ ran ꒱

“i love you” ran huffs in your neck, holding you closer in his arms, lips curling into a smile when he feels a tiny finger poking his ribs “what about me?” his daughter whines.

ran flips over in the bed, wrapping his arms around her in a vice grip “you know i love you too angel” he places a kiss on her cheek “i love you so much” he peppers her face with more kisses, soft giggles escaping her pouting lips.

“daddy, where do babies come from?” she questions and you bust out laughing when ran freezes, “babies?” like actual babies?” he hikes his eyebrow, sitting up in the bed and fully facing her.

“yes, mommy said to ask you” she looks up at ran, long blonde strands covering her eyes, blowing small huffs of hair out of her face, “why would your mommy ask that?” he questions, pulling the hair from her face.

“because she said she has a baby in her tummy and i wanna know how!” your daughter squeals, gripping at him when he whips his head around to look at you.

“a-are you pregnant?” he shakily asks, tears rimming his violet eyes, you smile back “i am.” ran tackles you into the bed, holding you tighter while tears flood his vision.

your daughter curiously topples over ran, climbing on his back and nestling her face on his cheek “why are you crying daddy?” she demands, pawing at the wetness running down his cheeks, “because i’m so happy” he chokes out, and your daughter long forgets where babies come from and the reason behind why her tough, terrifying dad is sobbing like an actual baby.

꒰ rindou ꒱

“i hear it” rindou shivers under the covers, gripping harder to your nightshirt, “hear what?” you question, scrolling mindlessly through your phone.

“that thing that lives with us—rent free i might add” rindou wraps his arms around you in a fake fear grip, nestling his cheek in the crevice of your neck. you look up from your phone to listen closely to the soft noises of feet padding towards your bedroom door.

“do you mean our child?” you deadpan, the footsteps cease right at your door, rindou huffs in your skin “oh god here it comes” he whispers.

your child barges through the door, soft strands of hair bounce with the rhythm of the stance “daddy, where do babies come from?” your son exclaims, crawling on the bed and making his way between your bodies.

he kicks rindou in the chest creating a spot beside his father, squinting his violet eyes in his direction “i don’t know, ask your mama” rindou laughs, pulling away from you to cradle his child.

the little boy snuggles into rindou’s chest, chubby fingers gripping at his toned chest as he tilts his head towards his father “but i want you to tell me” he pouts and rindou can’t—just can’t ignore that cute little face looking up at him, the innocent doe eyes mirror his, wondering in amazement.

rindou scoffs at how warm his heart is, chest radiating heat and crawling to the tips of his ears. “uh—w-when i love your mommy so much, so much she can’t stand it, a baby will pop right in her tummy” rindou mumbles, cheeks burning red when you giggle beside him.

your son laughs before wiggling out of rindou’s grasps and jumping off the bed, he spins around pointing both fingers in you and rindou directions “i’m leavin’ so you both can love each other and give me a brother!” he yells before running out the door.

rindou turns to you, bringing his hand behind your head and pulling you into a deep kiss “you heard the kid” he mumbles through the kiss, his other hand toying with your shirt.

LOVE ME THE WAY YOU DID BEFORE — chapter one ; ran haitani x reader.

there are so many things that ran haitani could do, but can one of them take him back to you?

+ tags. romance, heavy angst, hurt/comfort, hurt no comfort, bonten executive!reader, explicit sexual content, marital issues, unresolved issues, misogyny, death, neglect, canon-typical violence, crimes and criminals, drugs, smoking, drinking, illegal activities, 18+

+ chapter tags. use of profanities, mentions of killings and drugs, misogynistic remarks, gun violence, explicit sexual content, undertones of dumbification, unprotected sex, rough sex, vaginal fingering, creampie, overstimulation.

+ status. on-going !

+ note. hi hehe yay chapter one is here. jsdlkahsd pls let me know what u think about this chapter. likes, rbs and asks are always appreciated. ily with all my heart mwa. <3

+ series masterlist.

“Won’t you eat a proper breakfast?”

Your eyes immediately bore to that person who spoke as if you’re drilling holes in his skull—staring at him with your piercing look. You click your tongue, settling the cup of coffee on the table, “Why do you care?”

“We have a long day ahead of us and that's all you’re going to put on your damn body?”

You looked at Mikey with that look that says ‘did you just pair me up with this motherfucker in today’s agenda?’ which he responded with his usual dull look.

“Mikey!” you exclaimed causing for the other Bonten executive’s to jump a bit, “I would rather go with Sanzu-”

“You would rather?” Sanzu butts in, “Woman, you’re lucky to be paired with me. I’m fun to be with at work or are you forgetting those missions you had with me?”

You rolled your eyes. Yeah, right. You know what’s fun for Sanzu, it’s popping pills while killing people and gutting ‘em off. But you can’t deny that it’s a bit fun to be with Sanzu when you’re at work, or it’s just a casual hangout. Neverminding about what Kakucho said, that Bonten doesn’t need another Sanzu.

You scoffed at that, you’re still sane compared to Haruchiyo but you know you have got to stop doing drugs with him or maybe what Kakucho said would come true.

“That’s final.” Mikey announced, “Any other concerns besides the Haitani’s?”

“I’m not-” you groaned, cutting yourself off causing for the other men around the table to snicker except that motherfucker and Mikey of course.

You know even though Mikey’s not laughing and shit, he purposely said that just to piss you off or maybe it’s his annoying way of joking around with you. You rolled your eyes, getting that revolver from your gun leg holster to point it at Ran.

“You.” you raised your eyebrow, “Don’t fucking piss me off today.”

The other executives didn't do anything but shook their heads in disbelief, thinking that they’ll be stuck in between again. But come on, they’re used to you and Ran bantering like little kids. They have to listen to you two engage in nonsense fights every time you meet, so they don’t bother intervening in your petty bickering.

“Me?” Ran let out a cocky smile and leaned on the swivel chair too comfortably, “You’re the one who keeps on pissing me off. You don't even listen to simple commands and put everything to shit.”

Oh.

That’s too far, right? You should just pull the trigger right there and maybe shoot him in the head or maybe his fucking mouth because he’s too sharped-tongue. You wanted to laugh because he’ll just blame everything on you every chance he gets, huh?

It’s not like you don’t get it, he doesn’t have to shove it right in your face and make you feel like you always fail.

Too fucking far, Haitani.

“That's enough.” Kokonoi intervened when he noticed the change in your expression. He held your wrist and lowered the gun down. “You two are wasting time with this instead of working.”

You know Ran just hit the bullseye. He hit you right in the gut, you folded easily it’s as though you’re punched in the stomach.

Did he really have to say that? Does he really accuse you for everything?

But can you really blame him? You act all tough but no matter what you do or how you put it, you know it was your fault.

…

“This is it?” you asked Ran once you got out of his Bentley, the people around turning their heads to the both of you. This place is a shithole, you can see the thugs around, criminals—well, you and Ran were no different. You two are just hiding behind your luxurious stuff—beneath this millions of worth of car, suits and fancy dress—you’re criminals just like them.

“Yeah.” Ran answered, turning his head to you and not long, he saw this one old geezer walking towards your direction. He didn't need to do anything, as you would say, you can do things by yourself.

You're an independent woman, you. That’s one of the things that made Ran fall for you.

He just sighed, leaning on his car with his arms crossed as he watched the scene before him.

“What’s a fine young lady doing in a place like- woah! Calm down, missy.” before he could even finish, you were pointing your gun on his neck. Pushing the muzzle a bit deep on the carotid pulse, making his body tense.

Your finger was on the trigger, one pull and this shit would be gone. You’re not one to hesitate, you’ve been doing this for years. What’s one old disgusting geezer, right?

“Hm.” you hummed, looking at your pretty nails that you just got done yesterday, “You see I’m not here to waste my bullet on your fucking head but you know, I enjoy the occasional spontaneity.”

Ran rolled his eyes with your unnecessary speech, “Just do what you have to do. You don't have to drag it this long.”

“Fuck you, Haitani. I just told you not to piss me off today.” you glared at him for a bit and once again turned your attention to the one you’re pointing your gun to, “But I don’t want your filthy blood all over me so I’m going to let you off, hm?”

You flashed a sweet smile, removing your gun slowly. “Thank you-”

He screamed in anguish once you pulled the trigger and shot his foot, “On second thought, you disgust me. Come on, Ran.”

You nonchalantly said and entered the old bar first. Ran clicked his tongue and pulled his wallet out of his suit pocket to get some bills before following you, he then turned to that old man and tossed the bills on the ground, “You should get that checked out.”

Ran caught up with you, he leaned his mouth on your ear. That familiar shiver jolts to your spine and escalates all through out your body when you feel his warm breathe on your skin, “Did you have to shoot his fucking feet?”

“It’s fun.” you said, ignoring that feeling and giving him dull stare, “I should've brought Haruchiyo instead, he’d give me a high five.”

“Just focus on what we’re here for.” he hissed, his eyes wandered around the old bar, he certainly didn't like the way that the men in here were eyeing you—some of them were whistling when you walked in, looking at you up and down; it’s as if they're undressing you with their eyes and it’s pissing him off.

So he did what he was used to doing, wrap his arms around your waist and pulled you closer to him. You certainly didn't expect the sudden touching, your heart was trembling inside your chest, as if there’s some kind of earthquake going on inside.

You hated the fact that you could still smell that familiar perfume that he was wearing, it gives you some mixed emotion—of course, you gave that to him on your anniversary.

He’s still wearing it. This gives you flashbacks. You feel like you’re going to falter and break down. Him being close to you makes you lose your mind.

Too many questions run on the back of your mind; questions like, why is he doing this? Why does he have to complicate your feelings?

You have been through hell and managed to pick yourself up from that heart-rending incident and it will completely destroy you if you go back to square one. You know it will, and you don’t know if you can manage saving yourself again.

Still, you composed yourself. You didn't want to seem like you're losing your mind when in fact, you are. You gave him a disgusted look and pulled away from him a bit but he’s got a tight hold on your waist, “What’s with the touching?”

“Habits.” he simply said before begrudgingly let go of you once you both reached the bar, before the bartender could even speak, Ran took the liberty of doing it first. “We’re not here for chitchat. Ichiro Hashimoto.”

The bartender continued on wiping the bar or what shit he can do to ignore the two of you. Maybe it’s a good thing that you brought Ran because you and Sanzu would wreak havoc in here. His eyebrow raised, lavender irises staring straight at the bartender as he clicked his tongue. “I know you know him.”

“I don’t know who are you pertaining to-”

Ran placed his gun above the counter and gave the bartender a taunting smile while you watched with your bored expression. You don't even know why Mikey did have to pair you up with your ex-husband. Ran could clearly do this all by himself and you hated to admit it, he looks so hot doing it.

“I bet you know who I’m talking about now, do you?”

“Oh god, this is boring.” you rolled your eyes as you tapped your worth of thousands of dollar heels on the floor. “Just tell us where Hashimoto is and maybe we’ll spare your life.”

“Spare my life?” the bartender chuckled and flashed you a condescending smile, “I would understand if that came from this gentleman right here. Can you even handle a gun, little lady?”

“Oh my god, you’re an annoying misogynistic fuck, no?” you chuckled, “Did you not hear the gunshot outside?”

He just shook his head as he laughed and that made your blood boil. It’s irritating, how these male chauvinists treat you like you’re some kind of a weakling. You’re about to pull the gun out of your thigh holster when Ran stops you and gives you ‘that’ look.

It’s just amazing that it has been a year or two since you divorced but he still has this kind of effect on you. Though, it annoys you as well. You’re supposed to be moving on, not falling in deeper.

But how could you do that? When has he been with you ever since? From ruling Roppongi—you, Ran and Rindou—to joining gangs and doing illegal shits. You have been with him ever since you were still a bit unaware of some things. Your whole life revolved around him.

You know every bit of him. You know what he likes and doesn't, what makes him smile, what makes him wrap his arms around your waist and bury his face on your neck and whisper saccharine words in your ear. Even the things that make him cry, you know all of it.

For fuck’s sake, you married him. You were supposed to build a whole ass life with him, it didn’t matter if you were in deep bad shit as long as you’re together.

You were each other’s everything until you weren’t anymore.

“Listen.” you were back to reality from reminiscing what you two used to be when you heard his voice. “I’m being fucking nice here. If you don't want me to drag you out of this shitty old place and bash your face in then tell me where the fuck is Hashimoto.”

Bonten has been bugging this man for weeks about the whereabouts of Ichiro Hashimoto—the traitor who sold one of Bonten’s drug den to the detectives who were on your case. Bonten bribed him, followed him, beat him even—though, you can’t really kill him since he’s your only lead.

You were tipped off that this man knows the hideout of Ichiro and that they’ve been in contact. At first, you only sent members but he’s not breaking—that’s where you—the executives come in.

But, imagine how pissed Sanzu is? Maybe that’s why Mikey sent you and Ran instead. Who knows what goddamn mayhem Sanzu would cause here.

“I don't fucking know. So, get out of my bar-”

The man stopped talking when you shot the ceiling, causing other people to flinch and look your way—you gave the bartender a wide smile, “Oh, sweetie. If you fucking play dumb again, the next bullet would be on your fucking head. So, you choose, hm?”

“What’s it going to be?” Ran raised his eyebrow along with a cocky smirk tugging on his lips as he placed his arm around your shoulders subconsciously, both of you grinning arrogantly at the man.

“I’m not going to tell you-”

You shot the bottle behind him, grazing his ear. “Fuck! Damn it! I’ll talk!”

Ran heard you giggle, and that’s when you both turned your heads to look at each other.

Yeah, it’ll be a lie if Ran said that he didn’t feel anything when your lips curved in an upward manner and winked at him.

…

“Hashimoto escaped our men.” Ran announced as soon as he dropped the call, he sighed as he stopped the car when the traffic light turned red. He turned to you when he noticed that you aren't saying anything, usually, you’ll lose your mind and annoy him to catch Hashimoto by yourselves—he saw that you were looking out the window, he followed your line of sight and saw that you were looking at that one shop.

Suddenly, there’s a familiar throe in his chest. He saw your fists, enclosed in a tight ball. He wanted to touch you and tell you that he’s there—that you didn’t need to be alone in what you feel but he guessed he should’ve done that two years ago.

Then, maybe he wouldn’t have lost you.

Ran wanted to pull you in his arms but the turmoil—all the pain was coming back to him. It hit him all at once that he felt like he couldn't get up, it felt like he was back in the pit that he put himself in years ago. Looking at you at this moment, it seems as though he saw the old you. The calm and serene one.

“That’s cute.” you mumbled, the tears were silent as it fell from the corner of your eyes, you chuckled and wiped your tears, pointing at the cute infant clothes that were displayed on the window, “That’s cute, right… Ran? That one.”

“Hm.” he responded, he felt like choking on his own saliva. His eyes were stinging and soon enough there’ll be tears falling from his own eyes. What’s the point of all this? What’s the point of reminiscing about things that you both failed to have? That you both have failed to protect?

You didn’t say anything any further until you both arrived at Bonten’s headquarters, slamming Ran’s car door as soon as you got out of his car, making him groan. “We should have went there by ourselves, you know our men it’s kind of dumb assholes.”

“Yeah, and then you’ll kill Hashimoto as soon as you see him?” Ran argued as he followed you, the click clacking of your heels was heard echoing all throughout Bonten’s HQ.

“Because that’s how it should be, you know what we do to traitors, right? Come on, Haitani. You’re an executive.”

“You think I don’t know that? What I’m saying is you’re reckless… I'm responsible here for sending our men to catch Hashimoto. I won’t let you shoot our crucial lead in the fucking head just because you’re pissed off. You’re being irrational, doing stupid unnecessary shits-”

“Excuse me?” you scoffed, not pleased with what he's saying to you, “You think I’m being stupid?”

“That’s not what I’m saying!” he said a bit loud, maybe enough for the other executives to know that you both have arrived at the headquarters, “I’m saying your actions are stupid, don’t put words in my mouth!”

You huffed, crossing your arms as you looked at him with your eyebrows raised. None of you were looking away, determined to eye each other with such hate in your eyes.

Or maybe that’s what you’re just trying to reflect.

“Stop staring at me, asshole.”

“You stop.” You were glaring at him with such a burning gaze, if your looks could ignite fire—Ran surely is burned to the ground. “I fucking hate you.”

The rage was pumping on your veins. Looking at Ran was pissing you off, especially with those lavender eyes staring at you with such taunt, eyeing your facial features—his eyes seemed to be glued at your lips at the moment.

“I hate you too.” he answered, licking the insides of his cheek, eyes wandering down from your lips to your neck, to your collarbones—well, you’re not naïve, you’re not so blind that you can’t see where his eyes are going.

You hate it, how fiery his irises are; the intensity that he’s giving you, it feels like your legs are trembling and you’ll fall into his trap.

Well, fuck. It works.

His provocative looks are driving you to insanity. It makes you so mad that you wanted to just bite him down— “Fuck you, Ran. Take your clothes off.”

He wasn't surprised when you tug on his tie, pressing yourself and your lips to his as you turn the knob and push him inside the office while kissing him hungrily. In fact, he has a sly smirk on while you suck each other’s faces off. If you ask him, he will honestly tell you that he didn't expect for this to happen.

But it’s not so bad where it’s going, right?

His large hands cups your ass, you jump a bit in order for Ran to carry you and press your back to the door while your legs are wrapped around his hips, a moan escapes your lips as you feel his hard crotch grinding against yours.

How he longed to hear that sweet moan of yours, how he missed taking all over you—trapping you in him that you won't be able to think straight—and all that’s in your head was him.

“R-ran.” you gripped his shoulder, his kisses went down to your neck. Sucking the flesh of your skin into his mouth so sensually, “F-fuck- ah you! Don’t put a mark on me, asshole.”

“Shut the fuck up.” he groaned on your neck, and you don't have any clue as to why you were even more turned on when he just told you that.

It didn't enter your mind that you shouldn't be doing this with Ran, your ex-husband for heaven’s sake. It’s as if the thoughts you have about avoiding him—by not letting yourself get hurt again was thrown out the window.

But fuck it, you haven't been laid ever since Ran and much to your dismay, you get to fuck someone again—you just didn't expect that the last person you had sex with will be the first one after two years.

His hands were gripping your ass, lifting your dress up to your hips, revealing your underwear that makes him lose his mind, it just looks hot on you—you look hot to him in everything anyway, “Fuck, you know I love this one.”

You didn't plan any of this, I swear.

“Mhmm- ah.” his fingers slipped in your dripping cunt, his cock was aching inside his pants—longing to be inside your tight wet pussy that deliciously clamps on his big fat cock. “Ran-”

“Missed your pretty pussy.” he whispered in your ears, the sensation jolting through your veins as if your body was awaken from a long deep slumber, the whimpering uncontrollably rolls out of your mouth when he entered his fingers inside your gaping hole, his thumb pressing onto your clit. “Mhm- missed fucking this cunt.”

“F-fuck- please…” you whimpered, your swollen little cunny aching to be fucked stupid by his dick. His hands moved at a pace that had you gripping on his suit. Every word, whimper—even the small curl your lips make has his dick growing inside his pants.

He lets out a throaty chuckle, “You’re still needy, huh?”

His fingers moved in a fast unrelenting pace, it’s just how you remember it, his hands were more than enough to make you dumb and satiated, creaming on him like his good little bitch. “Ran- just… f-fuck—hah!”

“Suck.” he ordered, shoving his fingers in your mouth coated with your juices, “Fuck, that’s it.”

You look helpless, pinned on the door with Ran’s body towering over you and that’s exactly what he wants—God knows how much this man longed for you, hoping every single day for the past two years to be close to you.

To hold you again, to kiss your pretty lips, to make you go crazy for him. His lips were once again above yours, kissing you a bit more softly compared to earlier, all the while moving to the desk to settle you down.

You're getting drowned on how deep his kisses were, your heart and mind was in complete chaos; debating whether to pull away before you find yourself getting numb and defenseless—however, it’s Ran.

It’s the man who you loved with your whole heart and probably continue to do so even if you’re not together.

It didn’t matter anyway, now that you’re above the desk—legs wide open as your tits bounces freely along with the movements because of Ran’s hard unsympathetic thrusts in and out of your swollen pussy. “Fuck—baby, you’re so tight.”

Shaky moans slipped out of your mouth as he plunges his dick inside you, balls deep as he hits all the right spots that make you go out of control, “Nggh—R-ran, harder! Please, ah!”

Ran was utterly satisfied, you can sense the unmatched domineering attitude radiate out of him as if he was releasing it out of his body to show who’s in control. “Harder, yeah? My doll wants it harder, hm?”

He held your leg up, placing it on his shoulder and angled himself, ramming his cock into your cunny harder and faster. So hard that the desk was moving along with Ran’s ruthless plowing, you were gripping onto what object you can hold on to as you chant his name, enough for the other executives to hear that you’re getting fucked into oblivion.

It feels so good; the length of his cock rubbing against your walls, your pussy getting stretched and filled out by his overwhelming girth. Your throat was high and dry, your body was convulsing as Ran continued on drilling your overstimulated cunt, seeping out juices for the second time today.

“Ran!” you cried out, “Fuck, fuck!”

His groans turned into long moans, dragging on his throat as he forced his dick inside your pussy while his thick hot cum was oozing out of his cock, all you did was to take it. Not thinking about anything at all.

Yet, slowly, you realize that you’ve let your guard down. You opened the gate and left it unguarded, despair was painted all over your face once you’ve come down from your high. But you know, it didn’t matter that you were defenseless, you weren’t thinking about yourself much anyway at this point.

Because in the first place, Ran was always your priority. He always comes first, even before yourself. Maybe that’s why you had a hard time saving yourself.

Or did you? Did you even save yourself already or you just make yourself believe that you’re doing alright?

Ran pulled out of you, he leaned his face close to you—the moment that he saw tears falling from your eyes—adrenaline rushed through his veins, his heart was pounding and if possible, it was cracking bit by bit when he saw the look in your eyes, “Baby… d-did I hurt you? What’s wrong?”

You didn’t. I did. I hurt you.

“Ran.” you cried, face buried at the palm of your hands as you sobbed as hard as you could. Loud cries filled the four corners of the room, emotion of despair and longing prancing around the air. “I- I can’t… this shouldn’t have happened.”

“I’m sorry.” you whispered, “I’m really sorry- it’s all my fault. I- I don’t want to do this.”

Ran watched as you fixed yourself, not even sparing him a single glance as you walked out of the office as if nothing happened between the two of you. You can’t even look at him because once you do, you know you’ll be in his arms again without even batting an eyelash.

And that’s what you’re avoiding at all cost, it’s a strange thing—your job is precarious, unpredictable because you have no clue whether it is your last or not—but none of that scares you. None of the bullets compare to the fear of seeing Ran Haitani crumble and lose himself again because of you.

+ love me the way you did before taglist. @miyuuuuuposts @rafzaha @cryszus @fyotituti @rindous-wife @bbloblobb @shostr @mitsukihaitani @zuqso @rinrinfoxy @erishaitto @saaraunicorn @zekeslefttit @rorobaijifuyu @q-the-rockaholic @sugusshi @uniquedinosaurbanana @konigasaki @feralfordazai

+ tokyo revengers taglist. @cosmiclvsh @tojisqueen @imnotjo @r-xochitl @bekky06 @toshiswifey @ninetyeightrins @litle-crow @n-nara @hollowpurpl @iiclal @miyuuuuuposts @haitanilove @aclairysm @awkcasted @yukie35 @Prettylily @chronic-claire-universe @inupiko @chosoisbaby @marixxi @spaceemeeat @shizukuusagii @amaejiki @parca-de-destinos @k4gstob1o @missysimpy @a-astxr @mui_xd @fr00g1es @gwynsapphire @kookie-my-little-sunshine @kqtsukisgf @angtsumu @cakenchill @madarasgf

oh sweet lord

im blushing so hard right now

btw you are the most gorgeous love. like for real im in love with you

— 𝑺𝒉𝒐𝒘 𝒎𝒆 𝒉𝒐𝒘 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒍𝒐𝒐𝒌 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝑰’𝒍𝒍 𝒕𝒆𝒍𝒍 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝑰 𝒔𝒆𝒆. 💭

@notsocoolnana 𝑰 𝒎𝒂𝒕𝒄𝒉 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉…

灰谷 蘭 — 𝑹𝑨𝑵 𝑯𝑨𝑰𝑻𝑨𝑵𝑰

NOOOOOO FUCK NOOOOOOOOO NOT TODAY PLEASE NOT TODAY

MISTAKES ⛥ KEN RYUGUJI

Genre: Fluff & angst

Warning: Spoilers of the last arc of the manga

A/N: Over 3.8k love letter to the incredible character that Draken is, childhood acquaintances to lovers with a sprinkle of angst and sweet pining.

Likes, reblogs and feedback is greatly appreciated and encouraged ✨

"It would be a miracle being able to forget you."

You thought you know love with the warmth of your mother, at six love changes to the form of water and a fist, to be precise Ken Ryuguji's first, an older boy was being a bully to you in recess, stepping on your crayons, paper, and your lunch box, the boy was trying to throw your water at your hair until Ken rescues you without a problem, hitting him so hard that the liquid splashed everywhere, making sure of telling the boy how much of a dumbass is if he dared to hit someone for being bored. When you said thanks for sticking up for you he laughed scratching his nape.

—Your welcome, I did it because I’m the strongest— watching the tall blond boy with a cute dapper hairstyle you thought that for you he was the strongest person in the world, like a titan against those who wrong you, you show to your Mamma a pretty drawing where a tall stick figure is defending you against a monster.

Ken Ryuguji with his blond hair, big smile, nice height, and good manners that always know the answer when is about numbers; you never thought badly of him, when you forget your bento in class, you can hear the teachers gossiping about him.

— He's not going to get very far— she eats her chicken leaving a stain on the meat thanks to the gloss she's wearing

— What do you expect? have you smelled him? he smells like a love hotel, the brothel smell— they laugh, your mind doesn't comprehend.

What is so funny? "Draken lives in a place where love is? That must be beautiful!? And his smell? What about it? Dada smells the same”.

When you have nine and your Father leaves your mom for another woman that smells like that, you understand what a brothel is. Ken Ryuguji keeps being the best boy you know, the only one who's always polite to you and smiles big when he gets an answer right, so why you would treat him differently no matter how he's raised.

The next memory you have of Ken is at fifth grade, every day he's scolded by the teachers for the tattoo in his head matching with the new bruises he sports every day he talks about someone named Mikey, something in your stomach does a somersault when you lock gazes, the teacher is asking for an explanation but the kid laughs in his face.

No one knows but his eyes and tattoo are the first " serious" sketch you draw in your life.

Two words… Ken Ryuguji… Ken fucking Ryuguji… AKA Draken, you wrote his name in the notebook, with all the force in the world, you could muster using your eraser to delete the proof of your thoughts of him, applying so much strength that the paper was cut in the middle. What is the reason? Why do you do that? You have a crush on the delinquent of the class who only has eyes for the midget called Mikey since you have six...pathetic.

What does Mikey have? That seems to impress almost every man on a ratio of 5 meters, as a modern Pied Piper of Hamlin, taking away freedom in exchange for being part of his stupid bike gang. You feel a presence behind you when you're struggling to do your math exercises.

— Sorry to bother, you have made a mistake there— the voice of your current predicament says kindly; trying to hide your feelings when you look at him as you grip the pencil harder.

Ken fucking Ryuguji, right? With his long dumb blond hair now styled in a braid, stupid black eyes that look like two pots of your favorite black ink, the haori that he seems to have thousands of copies for everyday use, his little crooked teeth when he smiles that make him look more human in comparison to the dragon image that everyone seems to have about him.

— Where?— You attempt to sound open to critics, even with the venom dripping from your voice makes him smile bigger

— Just there, the symbol is not right,— Looking at the notebook, it is easy to find your mistake, your pride is hurt. Why is he so good at math? When you, with all your years of forced Kumon, can't improve.

— Thanks— erasing everything, so he cannot witness more of your flaws

— Hey! It was just a symbol, no need to erase everything,— As you stared at him, he probably realized you didn't want more comments. He took off as quickly as he had come over.

In recess, your best friend is slurping her chocolate milk

—You like him, is so foolish how you act as if you hated him—observing how you try to forget your mistake, calming the beating of your heart

— I don't act as I hate him, what are you talking about?— trying to laugh away your awkwardness

—Babe everyone has a bet on when you are going to kill him with a pencil —You grimaced at the comment as you use the ice-cold bottle of yogurt on your face to feel refreshed, a part in your mind thinks that the chances of that happening are so low.

Hurt Ken? No...Maybe Mikey for being a big baby demanding attention, even if the rumors are right, he could kill you with only his pinkie.

Sighing —I'm a big fool for him— you smile with a trace of gloominess, she looks at the clouds like you have said the sky is blue

—I know, everyone who knows you as much as I could notice, yet this is not Pride and Prejudice you need to show him— you nod.

Exactly one week later, in the shade of a big tree, you confess your feelings. You were startled by a soft drizzle in autumn. He looks at the sky; you glimpse at how his hair has little beads of water, which shines in the cold sun. Your heart beats at the same time as the air exhales from his lungs, knowing how the story is going to end, having read enough books to know rejection.

—You deserve better—is his first sentence in the long statement, your mind is out of your body.

Better? Better than him? What? Who can compete with this man-boy hybrid? You half-listen until he says

—Is just a crush I can assure you when you're older you will not remember the boy with the shaved sides and the dragon tattoo— he tries to light the mood nevertheless the day was ruined, nodding you say thanks for the time he gifted you, not paying attention at how his hand seeks for yours, running away from him, the heavy rain begins, you count that moment as your first mistake.

You begin reading poetry made by other teenagers comparing themselves to sharp objects, they have been broken apart by love. On those shards of glass, you feel connected because loving Ken made you a loser. He left a big wound that even pouring paint on it feels raw like nothing could heal your shattered heart. In that time you encounter Emma Sano understanding everything in the soft way Ken looks at her.

Your mom sighs when you tell her that between sobs

—You are an artist, why you don't capture that feeling— with her advice, you create a worthy paint, almost dissecting your heart to the world, that was the piece that scores you a place in the art program in high school, the piece decorates for two days the hallways of the middle school, so your classmates can appreciate it.

You catch the subject of your heartbreak seeing it, his friend as always alongside him, he gasps in a show of emotion so not him, almost instantly his facial expression changes to a serene mask

—Let's go, Mikey, we are running late—he walks in big strides, said boy looks at the painting

—Kenchin— he says in the softest voice you ever heard in the short one, yet he runs, jumping begging for a piggy ride.

Even at graduation, you don't say goodbye to Ken Ryuguji. You count that as your second mistake.

Talking with your best friend, she tried to get together once in a while between laughs. You remember Ken for the first time in a long time. They say the rain brings memories. In a show of emotion, You ask Hiromi about him. Water is related to Ken in your mind. Even after all those years, the kisses you gift and the hands of other lovers, the ghost touch of the blond boy is the most distinct memory of love for you.

—Uh? Draken? I haven't heard from him in a long time. I don't know...he's not in my high school—You furrow your brows, how can she not know about him,

—Don't tell me you like him even now? —She laughs but gets quiet when sees your effort to laugh it out, asking around the party until someone says something about him.

—That guy is so cool because he has a repair shop now —says one of the boys of your old class, smoking a cigarette —He even left gang life— looking at his jacket.

—You keep being a delinquent?" —He chuckled and nodded

—Yes! I follow the Invincible Mikey in his new gang— you frown, Mikey has a new gang? Adding to that, why in that equation there's no Ken? Clearly a mystery, but you get distracted by life, getting ready to enter college so you could earn a spot in the art program. No one comments on how your paintings got water dragons as central themes.

Hiromi screams, making the people of the restaurant jump at the sudden sound

—She's the next Picasso, Da Vinci, Kahlo, Congratulations on being an Art Major!— she cries as you search for a napkin trying to not let her snot fall on her ramen

—"T-Thanks, Thanks, stop crying, oh my God! you're more excited than I"—Laughing with her boyfriend who’s trying to clean her up until you see him.

The same height, hairstyle, this time without his faithful rhombus' sweater he's chatting with a blond one, two twins who seem to devour their food too, Ken Ryuguji who seems to get caught in the earlier rain, he probably felt your stare because your eyes lock, the world rotates more slowly, a spark of recognition makes his face glow, a big smile breaks, the world spins out of the axis, somewhere on the planet something clicks, the oldest soulmates meets again.

WHAT THE FUCK? Echoing in your mind so hard that you're considering taking the pills in your bag to drown the ache. Sadly the exchange ends there because he stops midairs his wave to you, a sense of a pit of fire in your stomach, he nods his head to you, Hiromi turns around waving too, yet the two worlds don't rotate to each other, your phone rings a perfect excuse to go outside to take the air.

“Hey! I know is not the time to do this but I think we should break up” of course, your life again tumbles apart, and ok is the only thing you can say to your now ex-boyfriend.

Hiromi is waiting with her coat on, what magnificent friend you have, rolling your shoulders you sit slurping your noodles, tears falling free yet your friend doesn't comment, when the waiter comes you ask for another bowl “For university, at least I will study what I love, I don’t care for men” Hiromi nods with you saying cheers even when you guys are drinking plain water. You don’t notice when Ken goes but the time to pay comes, the waiter says a gentleman with a dragon tattoo pays for your meal, the food in your belly roared like lava.

The next summer drowning in self-deprecating thoughts is when you have another encounter with Ken Ryuguji, you are crying (Nothing new there) he's drinking iced green tea spotting you sitting like a sad ragged doll in the park bench, hiding behind an enormous sketchbook ripping paper with a furrowed brow

Some things don't change no matter how many years have passed, he remembers the little girl with pigtails he helped and nos the beautiful person you have bloomed into, he walks not paying attention to the sweat building in his palms or how his breathing is getting faster, the blood circulating to his cheeks he thinks in bikes or something familiar, to not fall against the concrete and do something embarrassing.

You look up, his breath gets caught, he feels like something licks his stomach, a burst of heat, something so warm... familiar, homey; discreetly he cleans his hands on his back and tries to smile non-aggressive. Your eyes open surprised until you remember the sad state you're in because quickly you're cleaning the tears, snot, the deep black charcoal stains.

—Are you alright?—Your name rolls so beautifully on his lips, the sun renders you like an ice pop melting at the trash can, he waits patiently until your brain is connected with your mouth.

—Yes, thank you— the response is so automatic that he doesn't buy that, he asks silently if he can sit with you before you take your thing in your bag he put them in his lap

—Let's try again. How are you?— with only those words forgetting that you haven't seen Ken for years and never been that close to being considered friends you bawl.

There's always something so comforting surrounding Ken, between hiccups you tell him how art school is making you feel the worst, how every day they critique your work and nitpick all the details, the snot falls to your shirt until he offers you his handkerchief with a neat K.R. embroidered. —This looks expensive —You want to clean yourself with the tissue you found in your tote bag.

—Emma gifted them to me— oh! That was unexpected a mask fell into your face you are sure they might be engaged or married until he says

—She’s dead— you don't know if you pass out because of the surprise, the stress, or the empathy for Ken.

When you wake up, you are resting on a futon in the office. Ken is repairing something in the garage, speaking in a hushed voice with another man, He finally sees you. He dismissed his friend who waved saying bye.

— Hey— well that’s awkward; You are offered a seat next to him until he finishes. You have no idea what to say, he opens his lips and begins to tell you about what went wrong years ago. He doesn't cry, but he takes minutes to keep telling you about the deaths, the goodbyes, having to bury a friend and her first crush you listen not once thinking in your feelings just your heart beating in synchrony with Ken’s.

When he finished his tale. He searches for fright in your eyes.

— You were only a child— you say. He laughed and denied you a statement; trying to bring himself down — No, you were a child, no matter how tall or responsible for your age you were, you were a child, you did what you could with what you had at that moment, so please remember no matter what you didn’t deserve to carry all that weight at fifteen— he cries quietly with your hand in his back making circles.

Both of you don’t talk about it again, he doesn't question about your new habit to visit the place with all your materials, quietly drawing as he works, you don’t ask him his motives when he goes to your campus inviting you if you want to go to a ramen tasting escapade with his friends. The dynamic of childhood acquaintances to friends is smooth, even when you guys hide the skeletons of feelings somewhere.

The days blend together in a dynamic that both of you are too afraid to name, walking on eggshells in name of past loves, pining, regrets and what ifs.

The first time you invite him to an exposition of your college where one of your paintings would be exhibited... he's a mess. Mitsuya reassure him telling him his outfit is perfect not too fancy not too casual, perfect for a date, he's quick to deny it but Mitsuya is too smart and knows him so much to understand and pick up the blush of his face he tries to hide.

When he enters the gallery he feels so out of place, this is not a territory for someone like him, you say hi complete ecstatic to see him there until he gives you a single pink peony, your smile blinds him, raking his arm to introduce him to your classmates.

He's trying to give a good impression, to hide how his nails have bits of grease he couldn't clean no matter how many times he washes with a brush his hands, a classmate makes a wow sound.

–Your tattoo is so cool bro!—Ken finally relaxes when everyone begins to greet him, remarking how everyone is so eccentric, original, even one of them came to present his work dressed in jeans overalls. Maybe he thinks just maybe he could have a place beside you.

Later that night, you laugh beside him without shoes, as your other drunken classmates giggle painting an old canvas with their feet making a mess.

—Ready to make art, Ken?—your eyes are sparkling, his chest feels like could blast at any minute, he hadn't felt so light since so fucking long, he dips his feet on the paint jumping with a bunch of drunk students at the sound of Karma Chameleon in an old boombox.

The pink stains of paint his feet leave on the canvas are so big, that your green ones are lost, at the end of the night he saves the phone of some of the classmates so they can go out to drink, he says thanks for inviting him sadly he couldn't tell you what are his feelings for you.

Mitsuya encourages him, he will have another chance, Nahoya and Souya says the same, Inui gives him another beer to cheer him up.

However, when you go to the repair shop with swollen eyes, carrying your canvas as if is something radioactive, he looks at you with curiosity analyzing the painting.

—Do you have something to burn this shit?— the painting is a big crystal ball that reflects people looking at it like it was some kind of salvation.

—Why?—he asks, cleaning his hands to sit beside you like every day

—I did everything wrong— he looks at the painting trying to find something bad yet he doesnt find anything bad, he feels touched at the hands reaching for the object —Maybe they are right my work is mediocre at best, if I drop out of school I can search for a job that helps me to live a small life...-— he saw your face retorting to a kind of disgusted face as you scratch your hair, mediocre? mediocre? he hasn’t met anyone with such passion for their work except Mitsuya, so deciding whats best for you now he flicks your forehead

—Let’s go, you need a break— he walks outside rolling his bike —We are going for a ride...wait— he throws you a helmet and a black hoodie that resembles his old haori —You are going to need it— offering his hand so you can balance, your tummy is full of caterpillars that transform into butterflies when he puts your hands around him, the speed doesnt help, your hair even constricted on the helmet feels the breeze, after a minute you rest your head against his back.

When you see that the beach is close and the air becomes much colder thanks to the sunset, he stops

—Let’s walk on the sand, it always helps— he looks at the pier with longing, taking off his boots, he walks in little strides waiting for you when you look behind the motorcycle is so far —I came here years ago and I always come back when I feel a little lost— he looks at the sky hoping for seeing more stars that today seems to shine a little.

You want to talk more, telling him about how this place is so fitting for him, how you always associate him to water, about the crush after all these years, you burp something else —Why you always tell me all this stuff, I appreciate your trust in me but you have better friends — you feel so stupid putting a hand over your mouth, he smiles sitting in the sand as always he pats the side so you can sit beside him.

—I always think of you as one of my friends— you can’t decide what gets you so emotional, the fact he considers you a friend or how he thinks of you, your heartbeat gets erratic, wanting to burst, to confess how you are mooning for him again. —You treated me so good since preschool, I felt so bad when I didn’t return your feelings that time— he gets quiet, you know hes thinking in Emma. The sounds of the waves lull you, he coughs you smile at him sadly.

—Emma’s death will be always something that I’ll carry around my shoulders, the pleasure to have my heart broken by a woman who was a burst of sunshine in a person— he focuses on the waves that are getting close to your feet, you squeal he laughs wiping his tears.

—Thank you for bringing me here, it helps me— almost jumping trying to get warm by the movement, he rolls his eyes yet he moves his arms side by side to get warm.

—Maybe is time to get back before we freeze to death before I forget...you are doing your best maybe for those bigots is not enough and maybe a simple mechanic is not someone to criticize your work or know a damn about art I can say your works always find something to tug the heartstrings of everyone, the other day Angry cried to that old sketch you left in my desk— something in your heart pull you to hug him and something in his made him kiss your cheek.

—Fuck...Im sorry— trying to shallow the bad feeling, he tousles your hair you shriek when one of his rings got stuck in a knot —This is getting worse, oh my god im so ashamed—keeping talking as he with all the patience in the world detangles his ring

—Hey! you want to date?— he said it so surely and confident even when his finger toes are curling on the sand thanks to his anxiety, he doesnt want to carry more regrets, he knows that whatever he has with you is worthed, that he wants more afternoons buying solvents, helping you with out of the box ideas for your presentations or how you labeled his tools so you can help him, eating Chinese food sitting in old buckets as Inui tells a story, giving you water when the twins are tasting new recipes or how he says no when you are persisting in telling him he should adopt one of the cats in Chifuyu’s shop

You are so silent, he wants to say is a lie, he can almost hear Emma’s voice telling him to not chicken out, when you place your gaze on his, he can appreciate the little tears trying to escape.

—Yes!— fuck! he is happy

There’s something so eerie about this night. Ken looks at the buildings in front f the window, the sky is clear, hoping to see stars, even though he knows it is impossible in a city as bright. You are humming doing chores in the kitchen, his phone rings with Hinata’s name on it, asking if he knows something about Takemichi.

He doesn't know. He immediately texts Chifuyu. The man said he would check. The best man is supposed to have information about the groom, he texts smiling at his witty remark. Everyone in the group looks forward to the wedding.

There’s a loud crack in the air, he blinks...hum weird, something in him calls to hug you, He hid his face in your neck. “Where is Takemitchy? He doesn’t know, is obvious that the dumb man would rather die than not go to his wedding.

You brush his hair that's getting long again yet the raven locks are so soft, smooching his face he feels happy, very content with what he has made with his life, maybe he should start looking for a ring too,

Your third mistake was not paying attention to his friend because both of you have no idea that this future is being rewritten by a friend who cannot say goodbye to the other…

In 2008, Ken Ryuguji dies in a pool of blood. The last name he pronounced, is the name of the shape of love he knew, he's without his core friends, bullets marred his skin, the sky is totally black, the water pouring his body washing away the blood trying to clean his soul... giving him comfort.

Dying cold, wet, without seeing stars, last words forgotten as a lot of people reunite to fight. He never meets another form of love. He doesn't get redemption, just a sad stretcher in the back of the ambulance as a deathbed.

On the other side of the city, you are debating if you need to buy an Indian yellow oil paint for your new project, Hiromi asks you if you’re going to the party.

That's a good idea! Maybe there you can ask for Ken; Someone will have information about your crush; the blond boy with shaved sides and the dragon tattoo.

🔖@sukunasbabymama @meximorrita @notsocoolnana @aasouthteranoswife

𝑵𝒀𝑴𝑷𝑯 ➫ 𝑯𝑬𝑳

𝑹𝒆𝒃𝒍𝒐𝒈𝒔 𝒂𝒓𝒆 𝒂𝒑𝒑𝒓𝒆𝒄𝒊𝒂𝒕𝒆𝒅.