Bring Back The Crabs!

Bring back the crabs!

OFFICIAL TUMBLR PRESS RELEASE

For Hellsite Eyes only…,

Hello again, Tumblr. Now that our dashboards are back to normal (‘normal’ doing some heavy lifting here), the crabs are back in tropical paradise (for now), and Mr. Brick Whartley is back with them, we felt it was time for reflection.

In his opening statement on April 1, Mr. Whartley, our now-former Head of Viral Marketing and Exponential Growth and Front End Software Developer, outlined his ambition to “...increase clicks across the platform by any means necessary”. Quite the lofty ambition. And this got us thinking—how did we do? And by we, of course, we mean you. Well, you didn’t disappoint, and if you like unnecessarily large numbers, you’re in for a real treat.

By 12:49 pm (PDT)/3:49 pm (EDT), the community had summoned 7.5 million crabs at a rate of 1.07 million crabs per hour. 

By the end of the day, there were 20,000 posts by 14,000 of you with the tag “time for crab.” Time indeed.

The community’s April Fools prank was a resounding success, with more than 52,000 posts from Tumblr users attempting to “crash” this Hellsite by scheduling posts all at the same time. 

Mr. Brick Wharley’s blog accumulated more than 3,000 followers and 12,000 notes, while @staff received nearly 50,000 notes across the day.

Perhaps Mr. Whartley didn’t do such a lousy job. Finally, the most important statistic of the day, the community summoned 25 million crabs across Tumblr on April 1, 2022.

Credit where credit’s due, folks. You did us proud, you did Mr. Whartley proud, and most importantly, you did yourselves proud. So give those index fingers a little rest—they deserve it. And you will need all your strength for April 1, 2023.

🥰

The love in his heart is so pure, he’s a ray of sunshine ☀️

Am I ever gonna stop talking about him? no ❤️

I can't wait till it comes out!

New Mahou Shoujo Madoka☆Magica: Walpurgis no Kaiten Trailer

I love him so much! 💘

Mammon's Human

Genre: Comfort, Fluff

Pairing: Mammon/MC

Summary: You were bullied at RAD, and Mammon’s here to the rescue.

TW: Mentions of blood, death and bullying

This story happened during the first few months of the exchange program.

It happened in the blink of an eye. You couldn’t grasp the whole situation and all you could see was the white flash crossing before you. 

The bullies were now lying on the floor, grabbing their stomachs and growling in pain. Before you, stood Mammon, in his demon form, panting and giving off an ominous aura as blood trickled down his hands. The feeling of watching his black wings from behind caused your brain to freeze. You still couldn’t understand what had happened.

It was only a few minutes ago when you were walking down the hallway to the entrance hall to meet Mammon. Suddenly, you tumbled forward and fell to your knees when a sudden force pushed you from behind. You looked back to see a group of lower-class demons, snickering at you.

“Look, it’s the weak human who dared to walk alone. It seems like they’re not intimidated by us,” one of them spoke.

You rolled your eyes in annoyance, got up to your feet, and dusted off the dirt on your clothes. You had no time to deal with their childish behaviour so you decided to leave. 

“Oi! Who said you could leave?” the bigger one of the threes leaned forward to you and gripped your shoulder with force. Being a mere human compared to the powerful demon, the grip made you frown in discomfort and pain. 

“Don’t touch me!” You slapped his hand away and gave them the fiercest glare you could ever give. 

“Did you see that? A human dare to threaten me!" 

Oh, what a mistake. The grin on his face became wider and maniacal as his stature increased. The pitch-black form loomed over you and you could feel the hair on the back of your neck stood up.

"MC!” a voice called out behind you.

In the next second, your vision cleared and Mammon’s back greeted you. The sudden adrenaline rush caused your knees to grow weak and you fell flat on your butt. 

You could have died right there and then.

------

Back at the House of Lamentation

Suddenly, triple knocks were heard on his door. Without even waiting for his approval, the perpetrator peeked inside his room and gave him a smile.

Mammon was sitting silently on the couch in his room. He couldn’t imagine what would happen if he was a second late. He gripped his fist tightly until it turned white. He couldn’t stop the trembling in his hands and decided to take deep breaths to calm down. 

You damn human!

“What do ya want?” Mammon tried to play it cool.

“I want to thank you for saving me just now so, I brought you your favourite ramen. Here,” you set down the hot cup instant ramen Hell-sauce flavour in front of him.

“Woah! That’s my human!” he instantly beamed and grabbed the ramen.

“Be careful. It’s hot.”

You sat down beside him and gave him a small smile. The wound on his fist was already healing and it made you feel relieved somehow. Considering you were only able to escape death because of Mammon’s help, seeing him injured won’t leave a good taste in your mouth.

“Thank you.”

“Huh?” Mammon’s eating session was interrupted.

You carefully scooted closer to him and wrapped your hands around his torso.

“Wh-wha-what are you doin’? Why are you touchin’ the Great Mammon?!" 

Ignoring his excuse, you softly rubbed his silver hair to give him comfort.

Mammon’s blushes intensified. "Knock it off, will ya! Don’t start treatin’ me like a child.”

“I’m so grateful that I have you Mammon." 

Hearing your words made his heart stop. You truly appreciate him? Really? All this while, he only ever heard words of insults thrown at him by his brothers, and finally having someone who appreciated him made him want to tear up. 

"You can leave it up to THE Mammon next time as well,” he tried to hide his embarrassment by sprouting the holy lines of how amazing he is and how you couldn’t live without him. His human is his and only his. He won’t let anyone touch a hand to his precious human ever again.

| Masterlist |

They all look amazing!!! Especially Lilia! 😍

OMG THEY!!! My Malleus and Idia got GloMas, now my Leona and Vil got Playful Land! 🛐

AND DON'T FORGET MY OTHER FAVORITE BABIES (the other is an imposter "baby")

Ace looks amazing in those threads 👌 as expected of my fellow ramshackle residents 😤

This is really helpful! 😊

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