First Pixel Art Thingy

First pixel art thingy

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About me: I’m passionate about all kinds of arts. I love animation and writing. I’m struggling in school since I want to study molecular medicine and I love drawing and crochet \(^ヮ^)/

About the blog: This blog is a fanfic blog, but I can’t promise that I won’t post my art on here too. I like writing for all types of fandoms so don’t be shy in the requests to ask for a fandom I have not written about in the blog. Fair warning: I write slowly because a) school and b) I’m just a slow writer, but I am taking requests for oneshots and hcs (headcanons).

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He e been gone for a long long while haven’t I? - if you guys are still here by chance I’m open to get into writing on the blog again and take on requests :))

People found me again....

Hallo!!!!!!!!!!!! 👋✨

Death Bed

A/N: this fic took very long and it was at first inspired by the song death bed, but then it took another turn and it was inspired by a lot more sad songs. I just feel so bad for Kisa now T-T

4,3k - Kisame x reader, angst, post pragnancy, bby daughter Nami, mcd (major character death)

♡︎☾♥︎☾♡︎☾♥︎☾♡︎☾♥︎☾♡︎☾♥︎☾♡︎☾♥︎☾♡︎☾♥︎☾

Kisame’s cold shaking hand firmly held and tugged at your hand. Your blurry vision tried to make out what was happening. Where were you? The only thing your mind could make out was the bright cold lights that passed by you and that you were moving on something. Muffled voices rung in your ears, everything was spinning and then the warmth of the hand was gone causing you to panic.

“You’ll be ok, you’ll be-“

A broken voice sounded, but was muffled out again by what you assumed was a door clicking shut. It was hard to believe those words when the person they came from sounded like a kicked puppy - a small smile cracked on your lips by the thought of the person you loved so dearly and the fact that he was so concerned about your health. A slight pain pierced your right arm and not even 10 seconds after everything went black.

“Look at her - she is so beautiful, isn’t she?”

“And big, haha you mister make big babies that are hard to get out”

You couldn’t help but smile at the big man that rocked his daughter. Seeing him so soft and caring towards you and your child warmed your heart and made all the butterflies inside your body awaken over and over again.

Kisame softly put your daughter Nami in her small bed next to your big shared bed who was in a deep sleep. Your daughter always fell asleep in his arms and when he hummed to her with his deep voice. Your loving eyes settled on the small family you had built and your heart swelled up. Tears of joy prickled at your eyes and before Kisame could turn around to lay down next to you. You pulled yourself up and hugged him from behind. His head turned to look at you seeing the teary expression you wore causing him slightly to panic since he didn’t understand what happened. You simply kissed him with all the love and passion he had in your heart. Kisame kissed you back and let his hand dace up to your face softly cradling it. He slowly turned around so he could face you easier and deepened the kiss. Not long after you pulled away and pressed your forehead against his.

“Damn”
“I love you Kisame Hoshigaki”

“and I love you y/n”

The two of you slowly laid down on the bed. You felt a big arm effortlessly pull you closer and you nuzzled your head into his big chest. His soft look settling on you. Feelings of pride, love and happiness swelled in his chest. To be a father was the last thing he expected from life, but the best damn thing he got. This little family you two built, every time he thinks about it it makes his heart flutter with love and happiness, but deep down anxiousness too that this is too good to be true. Life always found a way to fuck it up and he was hoping with every fiber of his being that he could have this happiness, watch his daughter grow, watch you be a good mommy and grow old with you, holding you in his arms. Without even thinking he planted a kiss on your head. It became second nature to him to love and protect you and would do whatever it took to keep you safe and make you happy even if that meant burning the entire world down.

“I never want this to end”

The words rumbled through his chest and settled into your heart. Kisame felt the smile that formed on your lips against his skin and a small kiss right below his collar bone lingered.

“me nither”

Your eyes fluttered open, but deep exhaustion still settled in your body. You felt something wet between your legs and knew right away what it was. The pool of blood between your legs stained the pretty sheets. An annoyed huff came out of your chest - you knew that the first period after pregnancy was stronger, but you didn’t expect this much. After stretching you felt your body slowly awaken so you stood up and looked over to see your daughter, not in her bed - you knew she was with Kisame, but the motherly part of you paniced so you ran out of the room to search for her. A soft smile crept on your face when you saw Kisame with your daughter in the kitchen, your nerves slowly easing and fatigue took over your body. You found it a bit harder to breathe and were a bit dizzy, but figured that this is probably because you were exhausted - after all having a little devil wasn’t easy. Kisame looked over to you, he was about to say something with his usual cheeky smile when you took a step forward. The body that held you gave out. Your knees were too weak to hold you up and you felt how you plunged to the floor. Your mind slowly going dark only hearing Kisame’s panicked cries in the background.

A nervous tapping echoed through the empty hospital walls. Kisame slurped on another cup of cheap coffee trying not to ease his anxiety by smashing someone’s skull. The man’s mind was clouded by racing thoughts and all he could do is just sit there and wait - for a moment the doctors tried to deny him even that, but Kisame was quick to scare them into letting him stay there and wait. The tapping in the halls was heard at an even beat as he paced up and down the same track. Like a panther in a cage. Right now, being here so helpless, useless and trapped in the anxieties of his mind. A loud cry broke the steady beat of the tapping shoes and Kisame’s exhausted eyes looked over to the small human laying in the staller. Picking up his daughter he put her on his chest like usual and gently cradled her. The tiny warmth she left on his chest was almost soothing.

“It’s ok baby shark. Mommy will be ok- she will be ok”

A soft kiss on Nami’s head started slowly easing her cries, although Kisame didn’t know who he was comforting more with those words. Tiny tears prickled up at his face when he looked at the girl on his chest, focusing on every feature that resembled you. The feelings of destruction faded away and everything that was left was pure anxiety, sadness and fear - fear that his nightmare will come true. That this will end before it even started. He hugged his daughter firmly and stroked her small locks without noticing the tears that ran down his cheeks until one fell on Nami’s head. He prayed for the first time to whoever or whatever could hear him let this all end good, that life won’t take his sunshine away.

Click.

A screeching was heard from next to him and Kisame whipped his head around to see a doctor that went out of the ER. A tired look settled on the woman’s face, dark lines framing her eyes and a white coat hung off her slightly drooping shoulders. Kisame has seen such a look many times on Itachi, but seeing a doctor like this wasn’t comforting. About to open his mouth she quickly interrupted him knowing fully well what his question was.

“She has something called Postpartum Hemorrhage also known as PPH, it’s when a woman bleeds too much after she has given birth - it’s a rare condition, but a serious one”

A small jolt of anger ran through the man’s veins when the doctor interrupted him, but he just painted it on her having a heavy shift and being drained - which once again, didn’t ease his nerves. “But it’s been 5 weeks since Nami’s birth…”

The woman looked at the child in his hands that was once again asleep in his arms after being calmed by Kisame’s heartbeat cracking a smile and easing the woman in a softer look. “In some rare cases, it can happen up to 12 weeks after the pregnancy - y/n will have to stay here for a bit because she is an unusual case-‘“

“W-what do you mean by unusual?”

“She bled out a ton for one night as you told us, not only that, but I assume she has done some serious work in her past since she has a weak heart as I’ve seen on some athletes. We want to keep her here-“

“For how long?”
The doctor went silent, a sad, hopeless look settling on her face. “The lack of blood affected some of her inner organs like her… lunges - we do not know if she can be saved, but I can promise you sir that we will try our best. She will be in room 700 in 2 hours”

The air in the room became thicker and a pitiful look rested on the doctor’s face. Kisame couldn’t believe it - you were ok just a day ago…. and now, now it seemed to him like life itself was trying to rip you away from him and for the first time he couldn’t do anything to protect you. It was your own body against you and all he could do was sit there and watch - useless. helpless. hopeless. He wanted to scream, he wanted to punch that doctor's pitiful look off her face. Uncontrollable emotions whirled in the tall man’s chest blinding his vision with rage and want to destroy again to the point where he could feel his body shake and then again he felt a small movement on his chest and a tired yawn. His tense shoulders eased when his gaze settled in the small human in his arms. Deep breaths and big rises of his chest calmed his nerves a tiny bit knowing that right now he needed to be strong for his daughter. It was his duty as a father to give her a good life and he wasn’t about to start the little one's life with anger, rage, murder and blood - he wished that they could one day all three sit at a table when his baby is all grown up and laugh about this incident.

“Deep breaths Kisame. She’ll be ok, Just breathe.”

He was deep in thought, comforting and calming himself like you used to, not noticing that the woman in the long white coat had left. Time faded away, it didn’t go by fast nor slow, it was just another faded-out part in the background. He might’ve sat here for hours, minutes, seconds. It all blended in together and trapped him in this moment.

Should he fight for his daughter? Is there even a point in fighting if you’re gone? A tired roll of his eyes allowed him to see the clock on the other side through his eyelashes. All the numbers didn’t make sense in his mind, it was like rocket science at this moment - everything was. A small nod of approval twitched through his head as if he was trying to convince the potential ghosts in the empty hall that he understood the ticking device. Kisame carefully laid his daughter back in her stroller and started walking to room 700. The same tapping of shoes filled the space. Now everything blended together, everything was slightly spinning - was he even moving? He didn’t know and right now he didn’t really care too. His head only lifted to see the room numbers.

695, 696, 697, 698, 699,-

There he was standing in front of him the door. He hoped they already brought you here, but then again that would mean he sat down there for 2 hours maybe more without even realizing it. His large hand wrapped around the handle pushing the door open. You were there sleeping. Hooked up to machines, bags full of medicine and a heart monitor - it was a sight that made Kisame’s heart clench, twist and hurt. It was a nice hospital room. Three beds and three small tables all having 2 chairs each, in the back two big windows lit up the room. Yet, it was only you in it - maybe there weren’t a lot of people or maybe they were scared that he’d do something if they didn’t do the absolute most so you feel comfortable. The dragging of a chair bounced off the walls and your still arm was gently engulfed by Kisame’s. A few tears stained his face and his forehead rested on your hand wishing for you to get better. It just had to, right? The air in his lungs was burning and shaky. You just had to be ok. Slowly reassuring thoughts flowed in his brain that told them that his worry won’t make it better and he just needs to be strong and there for all three of you.

Again a doctor slipped past the door - the same woman as before. Her hair that was previously tied in a neat bun that now had a few strands that fell in front of her face and were altogether a bit lose perfectly adding to her tired face.

“Will she be ok? What will she need?”

As much as Kisame tried to conceal it worry dripped out of his mouth, his brows furrowing in concern without his knowledge. The woman took a deep breath. She wanted to look away or let someone else do this job because this was always the hardest part of her job right after telling someone their loved one has died.

“Her bleeding is very strong and it was hard for us to even stop it. We removed any rest of the placenta in her, but that didn’t work - so…” a weight settled in her voice until she took a deep breath and pulled her head back up that she didn’t even notice had fallen, looking professionally again “so we had to perform a hysterectomy”

“What does that mean?”

“We had to remove her uterus, but-“

“But what?!” Concern and panic bubbled in Kisame’s belly

“She-she might wake up or she might not and if she does we don’t know how long till…. She lost so much blood that some of her organs are failing. She is barely breathing. Best case, only 20% of her lunge can be saved, her heart is weak,…”

The rest of the doctor’s speech was blurred. It’s not like she didn’t know that, but it’s good to have said all this for the protocol. Soon she recognized it’s best to leave the man alone - he didn’t seem like someone that wants to cry on her shoulder, but rather cry alone with his lover. The only thing that snapped Kisame out of his state was the clicking of the door. He stood up ready to throw the chair he was sitting on in rage, but then he remembered you and his sweet child. Not in front of Nami. His shaking legs let him fall back on the chair and lean back. A heavy sigh pushed out of his chest and he fell forward gripping his hair in his hands. You had to get better….

A warm hand held your arm tightly. You heard the painful wheeze that came out of your throat together with the heavy breath that waved out of your nose and mouth. The realization you were alive settled slowly in your body with every new thing you felt.

The warmth on your hand. A small tugging at your arm. Pain in your chest. Pain in your head. Heaviness. Fatigue.

At last, your eyes fluttered open and you were slowly brought back to the world. You looked left. Then right. Now you noticed the muffled voices around you that slowly cleared. Time faded and you just existed. You theoretically felt, saw and heard everything, but nothing stayed with you - it’s like everything passed by you so fast you couldn’t even perceive what was happening, what was there or why all this happened. It went all by like a dream that you would only remember little blurry parts of. Then finally you were eased back to reality. You could look around and memories flooded you in your brief moment of confusion. Then your face settled on a worried braking voice. It was a bittersweet deep growl.

“K-Kisame?”

“Y/N, You- you are awake, I- you-“ The overwhelming river of emotions in his chest didn’t know if he should get a doctor, cry, hug you, kiss you - it was all just too much. As you still tried to remember and take in everything that is happening and has happened you felt the warmth get ripped away from your hand. An uneven beat echoed through the room and Kisame opened the door running to get a doctor. It didn’t take long before he was back with a doctor who followed him. Not waiting any longer the man sat beside you and took your hand again while pressing a soft kiss on top of your head. Soft words dripped out of his mouth calming you from everything that happened just now.

“Sir, I’ll have to ask Y/N a few questions to make sure of some things.”
Her voice was still very heavy. As if this was a sad movie she’s seen over and over again and this was the last ray of light before everything came crashing down. You gripped your man’s hand tighter a bit anxious from the woman’s reaction and he was almost angry at her hopeless face. He wanted her to be happy too, to say that everything will be ok, but that never happened. Papers with little check poxes rested in her left hand and the other held a pen. A deep breath filled her lungs and the doctor was about to ask her first question when you interrupted her. Your face looking the other way at a small staller.

“C-Can I hold her? Nami. Can I hold my daughter Nami?”

You didn’t understand why you were choking up as if some part of you told you to hold, love and protect her with your life no matter what. The strong emotion your eyes settled deep into Kisame’s and it pierced his chest to see you like this. His face looked up at the doctor and she just gave a small understanding nod. In a matter of seconds, your daughter's tiny body pressed against your arms as you held her. The heart in your chest was thumping and beating. Everything faded for a moment at it was just you two. Tears clouded your vision as emotions overtook your body. For a short moment, it was only you and your little girl before the woman next to you brought you back to the real world. You understood that she couldn’t wait long because she had other patients that needed to be taken care of.

“You ready for a few questions?”
”Yeah…”

It has been 2 months.

Exactly 3 weeks after the date doctors told you you have left. Part of you saw this as hope that maybe you could be saved, the other part wasn’t so sure and it made you live in fear every day. Never did life make you question whether or not you’ll live another day so much. Breathing became hard, everything hurt and even small movements became a burden and how much you were dependent on your lover right now ate at you. Kisame was the utmost sweetest person to take care of you. He was the one who not only helped you with everything, but was also there for you and made you forget the pain for short time. You knew he was hiding his true feelings. He never showed worry or fear, but you knew he felt them.

“You get to choose between sketchy hospital food one or sketchy hospital food two”

A small smile stretched across his face and pulled you out of your buzzing thoughts. A slight chuckle blew out of your mouth as your head turned to look at the man next to your bed.

“Let’s try sketchy food two today-“

A hard cough ripped past your throat almost cutting off your sentence. You felt the way Kisame tensed up next to you and his hand gripping yours tighter. The scratching in your throat reminding you again of the state you were in. A loud cry crashed at your ears and a small movement tickled at your arms making your heart clench a little. The mother in you activated and you started to rock the little baby in your arms and cooing sweet words to her. Your man’s head fell to rest on your shoulder drinking in the way you took care of your daughter. Even though your arms were weak, voice shaky and raspy that didn’t stop you from doing your best to calm Nami down and soon she cuddled up peacefully to you. You gently blew on her face, the soft wind tickled her skin making her laugh. That laugh made you and Kisame smile remembering the times you were cuddled up all together at home, playing with your daughter, hearing her joyful laugh and small hands wave around. The man next to you picked his head off your shoulder and looked at you with loving eyes.

“Would you like to go on a walk? All of us together?”

A smile stretched across your face and you nodded as two big arms scooped you up carefully watching out to not accidentally pull out the needle in your arm. Carefully Kisame put you in the wheelchair next to you as if you were made out of the world's thinnest glass and started to push you carefully through the hospital halls with your daughter in your arms to get you to the small grassy area in front of the hospital.

Some time had passed by. Another month flew by and the nice days where you could go on short walks with Kisame became history. Now you were laying in bed slowly dying and neither you nor Kisame were able to mask your sadness and anxiety well anymore. You were weak and even talking became a hard task. Everything hurt, it hurt so badly. The way your muscles aced, the way you couldn’t even hold your daughter anymore because you were too weak. You weren’t getting better and you wouldn’t get better so what’s the meaning of all this. A high-pitched tone rung in your ears and the muffled words of Kisame drowned in the void of your head. It became a mystery to you if Kisame was shaking you or still just gently holding your hand, but at this moment did it even matter? You couldn’t even think anymore as you felt yourself slipping away and your breathing getting slower and raspier. One thing. One thing crossed your mind and it mattered so you did everything for that last thing. You gathered all the energy left in your body.

“I’m sorry that this has to end so early. Take care of Nami…. I love you and I always will till the end of time.”

Everything in you broke down as you started to slip away into an endless slumber. Kisame's fearful eyes settled on you and his shaking voice barely got the words “No, don’t leave me”, “Please stay”, “I love you too”, “I’ll take care of her, but I can’t let you go” out. The world was crashing down on him. it might have been 30 seconds until a doctor came in, but to Kisame, it felt like years. His body was following his instincts and not his mind anymore and he stood there shakingly as he watched the doctors setting up CPR. Time dragged and flew by at the same time and everything he wanted is for you to be ok.

Why was luck never on his side?

Why couldn’t life let him be happy just this once?

Why? Why always him?

The people in white coats tried over and over again and he just had his eyes glued on the heart monitor to see a heartbeat come back. He wanted to get over there and do it himself, but he knew he didn’t have the knowlage or training to do so. Just stand there, that’s all he could do. Stand there and watch your face and the people around you trying their hardest to bring you back.

They tried and tried until one of the doctors said it was enough. The team of people stood there crushed in front of your figure. Some of the bit their lips, others felt pity for Kisame and Nami.

The sad, guilty expression of the doctors told Kisame everything as they stepped out of the room. The man threw himself on your corpse and stroked your hair away. Heavy tears burned his face and his chest was getting crushed by the pain of not feeling your heartbeat. A scream echoed through the halls. He didn’t want to believe it and tried reviving you himself, but nothing helped. You were already gone…. long gone.

Kisame let his head rest on your chest as he just cried into you, acid tears birning red lines around his eyes and down his face. He held your hand as tight as he could. The air filled his chest and left it in a fast and sloppy beat. Now he knew…

This world.

This world is a true hell.