"sorry," Was The First Word Seungcheol Murmured When You Opened The Door Of Your Apartment.

"sorry," was the first word seungcheol murmured when you opened the door of your apartment.

it’s been a week since you didn’t see him. a week full of doubts, sorrow and tears.

seungcheol and you used to be best friends. until the end of your studies, you always stayed together, providing to the other a comfort and a peace of mind nobody ever managed to reach. seungcheol had always been by your side for your exams and you had never left your seat empty during his games. he hadn’t been your friend. he had been your confident, your home, your soulmate. but, to you, things were only platonic and you thought it was the same for him. why would you have think differently? when he was the first one to deny any romantic interest implied by your entourage. when he dated so many girls in high school. when you were happily engaged to jeonghan.

and now, as you watched him on your front door, his eyes and hair soaked by the rain and his tears, you didn’t know anymore if the boy in front of you was your best friend or a complete stranger.

the last time you two saw each other was at a party held by soonyoung from your high school friend group. your fiancé wasn’t here because of a business trip and you suggested to drive the two of you to soonyoung’s house since seungcheol was on your way. the party was nice and you had a great time. at the end of it though, seungcheol was a bit more drunk than usual. deciding he should rest, you greeted your friends and left. on the way back, you felt something was different but couldn’t pinpoint what. when you finally reached seungcheol’s apartment, you friend whispered:

"i love you, y/n."

sincr you were used to his display of affection when he was drunk, you responded with a giggle:

"i love you too, cheol."

"no you don’t."

your heart skipped a beat and you turned your head toward him. the engine was the only thing breaking the religion silence which enveloped you. looking at him, you asked shakily, unable to understand -or to accept- the bitterness in his voice.

"what do you mean, cheol? of course i love you!"

"no you don’t, not the same way i do."

and it hit you like a train. choi seungcheol was in love with you. each "i love you" he told you didn’t held the same meaning, the same feeling, the same hope, as yours.

blinking a few times, you stopped your car and helped him getting to his bed and left without adding anything more.

the following days, you receive no sign from seungcheol. no text, no call, no visit, nothing. nothing until now.

"it’s okay cheol, we can sort this out, can’t we? do you want to come in?"

"no, i just can’t. i’ve lied to you way too long and i just can’t keep bottling it up. i love you y/n. i loved you since middle school, i love you now, i won’t stop loving you and i’m so sorry for that, for being selfish and for ruining our friendship. i know i fucked up but i just can’t keep going, pretending i only see you as a friend when you’re so close but so far from me. i tried to act like i didn’t care and tried to treat you like a sister, just the way you do to me, i swear i tried to stop loving you but it’s just impossible. how could i when you’re so pretty and charming, from your soul to your face? it’d be like denying how amazing you are and all the reasons why i fell for you. i’m so sorry but i swear i tried. i understand if you’re mad at me but don’t you worry, i’ll walk out from your life."

"but i don’t want to lose you cheol," you mutter, tears starting to fall too.

"i don’t want neither but i want us to be more than friends and i know it’s something impossible. i see the way you look at jeonghan, you never looked at me that way and i just can’t keep doing this. i’m sorry for being selfish and, if loving you is wrong, i’m sorry i love you."

reaching hesitantly your hand, he pressed it softly before leaving a delicate kiss on your fingers. his gaze diverted to your engagement ring and you saw in his eyes so much hurt. you knew it had been selfish of you to ask him to stay but you couldn’t accept to lose your best friend. he was the boy who grew up next to you since forever, he was the one you who always picked you up from unsuccessful dates, he was the one you introduced you to jeonghan. letting him go felt like letting your inner child go too.

when seungcheol turned around to leave, you murmured to the wind:

"i’m so sorry i don’t love you the way you do and deserve."

it was a small whispered, a weak cry of the heart, yet, seungcheol heard it. and he felt even more miserable for making you cry when he thought he could have been the one to make you smile and laugh for the rest of your days.

this was inspired from stray kids’ sorry i love you. its lyrics literally broke my heart when i read them and i really wanted to write abt it. i hope you liked it!

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@/som1ig 2023 | all rights reserved | do not plagiarise

ITS 1 AM AND IM GIGGLINGGGG HDVHDR6

01:10am | choi seungcheol

SYNOPSIS. in which your cuddly boyfriend interrupts your late night reading time. PAIRING. choi seungcheol x gn!reader GENRE. fluff, established relationship WARNINGS. a lil suggestive, reader is smaller than cheol, lil makeout kissing sesh oops, terms of endearment, cheol is whipped, self-indulgent fr WORD COUNT. 1.1k

notes: i just have this thing for soft cuddly bed scenes w cheol :(

Seungcheol really doesn't know why that out of all other times of the day, you choose to read during the depths of the night.

But he's not at all complaining𑁋he's blessed with this grand view of you with your headphones on as you're sitting up against the frame of the bed behind, knees almost propped up to your chest, with a tiny, dim book light attached to the bridge of your book highlighting your face. Seungcheol thinks this might be one of his new favourite views of you.

He flips himself over to face your direction, opening an eye so he could quietly watch you. Seungcheol takes a moment to appreciate the cute, subtle details of your face when you're focused𑁋the way your eyelashes cast delicate shadows on your cheeks, the steady rise and fall of your chest, and the way your lips occasionally move, silently forming the words you're reading. The only sounds in the room he can hear are the rustling of you turning the page, the distant murmur of the city outside, and the faint music escaping from your headphones.

Letting out a yawn, he takes a moment to check the time on his phone, eyes widening to see how late it was. Yet when he turns back to you, he only pauses, because you seem too immersed in the book to be able to go to sleep right now, and he really doesn't want to disturb you.

"Baby?" he calls out to you softly, yet you don't hear him as expected, only furrowing up a brow at what Seungcheol could assume was you reading a peculiar scene in your book. He feels his shoulders deflate.

Instead, with a huffed breath, he can only take to sinking back within the bedsheets and hoping that you'd fall asleep after him.

But he can't fall asleep, no matter how much tossing and turning he does, since it's almost outrageous to his mind to the thought of him falling asleep without at least holding you in his arms like he always does.

Seungcheol turns himself over once more, a pout at his lips as he scoots closer towards you, yet you still don't seem to notice him. He contemplates for a moment, glancing down at your free hand at your side, and a thought crosses his mind. Slowly, he grabs your hand into his, intertwining your fingers together, and the action is just so natural and instinctive like a missing puzzle piece fitting perfectly into place.

He glances at you, noticing the slight smile that tugs at the corners of your lips as you continue reading. It isn't until he starts drawing circles on your palm and picking at your sleeve that finally grabs your attention, and you pick your head up to look at him, slipping your headphones off.

You watch the way he continues playing with your hand𑁋from drawing shapes on it, tracing the creases on your palm, to running a finger over your knuckles𑁋like it's the most interesting thing in the world.

"Cheol, what are you doing?" You ask bemusedly, attempting to pull your hand away but he just tugs it back.

"Hmm, missing you," he coos softly, adjusting your hands so that your flat palms are touching each other. The fact that the size of your hand is perfectly smaller than his is utterly adorable. "Your hand is small, you know?"

You roll your eyes, as if annoyed. "And yours is huge. We've been over this already."

"It's cute." He locks your fingers together again, tilting his head slightly to look at you. "You're cute."

You only click your tongue, biting back the smile to your face and the heat threatening up your neck as you bring your attention back to your book.

You release your hand from his. "Let me go read𑁋"

But before you can go back to reading, you feel a pair of arms wrap around and pull you into a tight embrace, knocking the book off your lap. A surprised gasp flies out of you, and in one swift motion, Seungcheol flips you both over so that he's now hovering over you. Your book is long forgotten on the floor as you stare up at him in surprise, the dim light casting a soft glow on both your faces.

Something catches in your throat as you lock eyes with him. If you listen closely, his breathing is just as unstable as your heartbeat, like he's breathless already. His dark gaze seems to hold a silent request, glancing between your eyes and your mouth. It bares a question that doesn't need words, and you answer with a small nod.

And with that, he leans down to press a kiss to your lips. It's soft, tender like always, and it doesn't take much for your body to go all limp below his as it deepens. He presses his weight against you carefully, making sure you're comfortable beneath him.

You feel the way he trails his fingers along your arm until he reaches your hand once again. With a deliberate move, he laces your fingers together before bringing your hand up to pin it gently against the pillow behind your head.

Seungcheol breaks the kiss, his eyes searching yours for any sign of discomfort.

"Okay?" he asks, voice a low murmur.

You nod, even though your heart is more than ready to burst out of your chest at any given moment. "Okay."

His eyes only soften, the smile to his face widening, a couple of shy giggles escaping your mouths together and into the thick air surrounding you both. He captures your lips once again in another sweet, lingering kiss, before nuzzling his face into the crook of your neck.

"So pretty," Seungcheol whispers against your skin, his warm breath sending shivers down your spine. He starts peppering feather-light kisses along your jawline, his hand gentle on your waist as he revels in the simple joy of holding you close. You lightly run your fingers through his hair, the soft strands slipping through your fingertips.

"Why are you being so... so touchy right now?" You tease impishly, sighing contentedly at his touch, feeling the soft vibrations of his laughter against your cheek.

"I dunno," he admits simply, pulling back slightly to look into your eyes. "You were reading too much."

"I was only reading for, like, an hour. That's not that long."

"An hour too long," he counters sulkily, pressing a soft peck to the tip of your nose. "I can't fall asleep without you."

You let out a playful scoff, running your fingertips up the exposed skin of his back ridden up from the black hoodie he wore. "You're such a big baby, Cheol."

Seungcheol leans down so his mouth is just a breath away, and before you could register it, he's rolling over once again so that you're on top of him this time, his hands coming to rest firmly at your hips. There's a smirk to his face that you can hardly see, yet you already know what he's thinking.

"Only for you."

"For... me?"

"Just for you," he murmurs against your lips. "I'm all yours."

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there's nothing more comforting than picking up an old book and immediately reemerging yourself into the story. a book that feels familiar, a book that feels like home, a book that feels like the warm embrace of an old friend. you read the first page and all of those feelings come back- the excitement, the wonder, the awe. what were you going through when you first read these words? how much have you grown? you reread the same paragraphs. you reattach yourself to the characters. you reimagine the setting and the descriptions and is it different? or is it all the same? are you different? are you the same? who do you want to be?