When Action Grows Unprofitable, Gather Information; When Information Grows Unprofitable, Sleep.

“When action grows unprofitable, gather information; when information grows unprofitable, sleep.”

—

Ursula K. Le Guin

Anxiety, the next gumption trap, is sort of the opposite of ego. You’re so sure you’ll do everything wrong you’re afraid to do anything at all. Often this, rather than “laziness” is the real reason you find it hard to get started.

Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance by Robert M. Pirsig  (via witch-lyfe)

Everyone on the New York City subway smells bad, everyone, all of them, every last soul, BUT I got one of those lady conductors who opens up her door and straight-up chastises people who are being disruptive and horrible to the other commuters and I?? Love??? These conductors???

Every time I get one of them I love it. I love the old school, “I don’t play, be polite or get out,” attentive af(usually black or latinx) women of the MTA. I love when they tell people to mind their damn manners. I love when they evict screaming men from their trains. I love when they stare down rude dudes who are creeping on commuters. I love when they shout from their train windows, “yo!! You got a crazy person on your train!! I kicked him off mine, now he’s on yours!!” because they have the other conductors’ backs.

Everyone has a different spirit of New York but these women are the truest. May they all get raises, may their union be strong, may they look that new British MTA president — you know, the one with the whimsical New Yorker profile — dead in the eye and frighten and awe him with what they have witnessed and triumphed over. They are good elements, the women of the MTA. I. Love. Them.

PEONY UPDATE. came home to find them even more beautiful and perfect than they were yesterday. I was a fool and planted clarkia and sweet peas this year, but in the fall I will try for peony bulbs.

@yavannies TY! I got lazy with some of them. I will have to go back and fix ribbons and stuff before the actual holiday. But for right now, I’m glad they more or less look impressive!

Recognizing emotionally mature people

Taken from Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay C. Gibson, Psy.D. A summary of the tips the book hands you on how to recognize emotionally healthy people.

They’re realistic and reliable

They work with reality rather than fighting it. They see problems and try to fix them, instead of overreacting with a fixation on how things should be.

They can feel and think at the same time. The ability to think even when upset makes an emotionally mature person someone you can reason with. They don’t lose their ability to see another perspective just because they aren’t getting what they want.

Their consistency makes them reliable. Because they have an integrated sense of self, they usually won’t surprise you with unexpected inconsistencies.

They don’t take everything personally. They can laugh at themselves and their foibles. They’re realistic enough to not feel unloved just because you made a mistake.

They’re respectful and reciprocal

They respect your boundaries. They’re looking for connection and closeness, not intrusion, control or enmeshment. They respect your individuality and that others have the final say on what their motivations are. They may tell you how they feel about what you did, but they don’t pretend to know you better than you know yourself.

They give back. They don’t like taking advantage of people, nor do they like the feeling of being used.

They are flexible and compromise well. Because collaborative, mature people don’t have an agenda to win at all costs, you won’t feel like you’re being taken advantage of. Compromise doesn’t mean mutual sacrifice; it means a mutual balancing of desires. They care about how you feel and don’t want to leave you feeling unsatisfied.

They’re even-tempered. They don’t sulk or pout for long periods of time or make you walk on eggshells. When angered, they will usually tell you what’s wrong and ask you to do things differently. They’re willing to take the initiative to bring conflict to a close.

They are willing to be influenced. They don’t feel threatened when other people see things differently, nor are they afraid of seeming weak if they don’t know something. They may not agree, but they’ll try to understand your point of view.

They’re truthful. They understand why you’re upset if they lie or give you a false impression.

They apologize and make amends. They want to be responsible for their own behavior and are willing to apologize when needed.

They’re responsive

Their empathy makes you feel safe. Along with self-awareness, empathy is the soul of emotional intelligence.

They make you feel seen and understood. Their behavior reflects their desire to really get to know you, rather than looking for you to mirror them. They aren’t afraid of your emotions and don’t tell you that you should be feeling some other way.

They like to comfort and be comforted. They are sympathetic and know how crucial friendly support can be.

They reflect on their actions and try to change. They clearly understand how people affect each other emotionally. They take you seriously if you tell them about a behavior of theirs that makes you uncomfortable. They’ll remain aware of the issue and demonstrate follow-through in their attempts to change.

They can laugh and be playful. Laughter is a form of egalitarian play between people and reflects an ability to relinquish control and follow someone else’s lead.

They’re enjoyable to be around. They aren’t always happy, but for the most part they seem able to generate their own good feelings and enjoy life.

–  © Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents, Lindsay C. Gibson, Psy.D.