Nyxiamoon - NyxiaMoon

"I just replaced the can of air freshener in Phantom's bathroom with an air horn. Now we wait" - Dewdrop

Story of my life people. You know what’s real ? The struggle.

Happy Pride Month ♥

Phantom angst thoughts </3

But also with pack comfort because I didn't know how else to end it.

TW: Anxiety attack (?), self esteem issues, over thinking, hyperventilating, non-purposeful SH (scratching, throat grabbing, hitting, and hair pulling), one tiny mention of bleeding, crying

Phantom's self esteem reaches lower than the Pacific.

He's sensitive. He hates it, he does, but he is. And it's his weakness. He gets anxious about what other people think when he makes any small mistake. He feels such an overwhelming amount of shame for any small thing someone gets onto him for.

He brushes it off like he's fine, but he's different after it. His smile is forced, his tail goes still, his ears flick back, and his beautiful obsidian purple eyes get all dull.

He isolates himself in his bedroom, pretending to practice his powers or take naps. Sometimes Swiss or Mountain or the others will offer to come cuddle. But he says no, too embarrassed to even be comfortable with someone he loves so much even looking at him.

He curls up in bed and starts thinking. He thinks and thinks until his mind starts spiraling. He doesn't know what's going on anymore. All he can focus on is how stupid he is and how much everybody hates him.

His throat tightens, his expressions keep shifting. His eyes start to burn with tears. He tries his best to take deep breaths, but he can never seem to get enough air into his lungs. He panics and struggles to breathe. And soon he feels the warm, salty droplets start to flood down his face. There's no easing into it. There aren't a few small tears first. No, they come down like a waterfall, making his face red and wet. His body wracks with sobs and he starts grabbing his throat, thinking it might help him breathe. His eyes are wide and stinging. He starts to feel trapped. He cries out, but it's weak and strangled. His hands move and he squeezes himself. His nails rake down his arms hard enough to draw blood. His body curls up as much as possible, not even aware or careful of the way it could hurt his back. His fists clench and he wails into his pillow. His eyes burn so much and he hates it. He moves his hands again and pulls his nails down his face over his eyes. He frantically rubs them and just keeps sobbing. His knees are at his chest and his tail goes between them and wraps around one of his calves. He pulls his forearms over his head. He hits himself and pulls his hair in hopes to make the overwhelming sensations stop. He tries to scream, but all that comes out is a sad, broken squawk. He needs help, but he can't reach it. He's too deep now.

His hands cover his ears and he rocks back and forth. He tries to focus on the voices in his head, the ones of Swiss and Rain comforting him, helping him through his anxieties. The one of Mountain reassuring him that everything will be alright. The voice of Dew telling him to calm down because there's nobody out to get him or anything. The ones of the ghoulettes pampering him and telling him how loved he is.

He tries to focus on all the sweet things they always said, but all he could hear were the bad ones. He heard Swiss' slightly annoyed tone, Dee's yelling, the ghoulette's scolding, even Copia's disappointed voice. He hears the voices of every "fan" or Clergy member or ghoul who told him he wasn't good enough. He was a mistake, a replacement, an accident, an incompetent dog who should've been sent right back to The Pits.

He bawls his eyes out all night until things go black.

And when he wakes up, he expects to feel alone and isolated. Stupid and unworthy.

But instead he wakes up to warmth. He opens his eyes and sees Swiss laying in front him, snoring away. He has an arm draped over Phantom's torso and another cradling his face.

Phantom feels tears brimming in his eyes again. He feels like this isn't real. He whimpers and is immediately shushed by two voices. Mountain is behind him and pulls him close to press a kiss on his head. Rain is on the other side of Mountain to softly reassure the quint that everything is okay.

Phantom looks around and sees everyone from his pack all cuddled around him. Some of the ghoulettes are stacked and Dew is sleeping on Rain's legs.

And he realizes that they're all there for him. They're all there because they love and care about him.

He's not a screw up. He's not a mistake or an accident. And he's not an incompetent dog.

He's a ghoul, and he's part of a pack who treasures him.

Swiss is half asleep and moves his other hand to hold Phantom's face.

"Cheer up, love bug," Swiss tells him. "You're alright."

Phantom sobs softly as Swiss wipes his tears.

And after some coaxing and sweet words, he's falls back into sleep, now rid of his nightmares and thoughts of self hatred.

He is loved.

Some self indulgent snugglies in between comm work<3

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Imagine you spend your whole life working your ass off to succeed with your metal band, something you've always dreamed of. You get so much hate from both the mainstream media and from inside the metal community itself, but keep going and end up as a Grammy award winning musician with a sellout arena touring band and your own movie.

And then at your movie premiere, your so-called 'fans' go online and say you need a shower and that your wife should be having second thoughts because you had the audacity to grow your hair out...

... Tobias Forge really is stronger than any US marine to have to deal with this shit