I Remember That Time You Told Me You Said "love Is Touching Souls"surely You Touched Mine'cause Part

i remember that time you told me you said "love is touching souls" surely you touched mine 'cause part of you pours out of me in these lines from time to time oh, you're in my blood like holy wine

୨୧˚♡* ♱ portrayal notes and headcanons.         taken from this interview.

interviewer: have to say, i have the complete opposite reaction, glenn, when i saw laura lee. i felt peace there's something about her character that just brings me this everything's gonna be okay, even when we know it's not gonna be okay at all, i just see her face and i'm like "oh, it's okay, laura lee's here everything's gonna be fine" so i saw her and i was like, what a better way for jackie to enter the afterlife than with laura lee welcoming her.

widdop: getting involved in the show we shot december 2019 and i was actually the only one that was the age of the girls at that time because i was 17. yeah and now i'm 19. but that was that was super trippy because i was the only one that that i was that age.

interviewer: so how was it portraying a character of such devoted faith widdop: well for me, i grew up christian. i grew up in the episcopal church which is a church that is very accepting, we love anyone and everyone. i think reading when i was little there's, like, a little message going into the church and it's like gay, straight, they/them, she/her, homeless, house, whatever. you're welcome here. so that's kind of always the relationship i've had with christianity. which i know is very different from a lot of people's and especially a lot of queer people. so i just took it with that and my mom works at a church, actually, so i've always kind of had that relationship really close to it, even though i'm not christian. but i think having that really helped me understand that laura lee was not this... she's not trying to hate on anybody, you know what i mean? like she's very much like 'i've read the bible, i know that jesus loves everyone, so i'm going to love everyone as well.' but i think the thing with laura lee that i kind of learned throughout the season and especially with episode 8 and with the help of our director arielle kleinman, we walked through it and because the original, you know, when she has that accident where she hits her head and she's revived, that's a very taboo thing that's happening. she's having mouth to mouth, like, at 13 and it just in that environment, in such a christian camp like that's really, really taboo. um, and so i have always found my faith and things where normal people kind of might not see it in that way so because i really like wicca and a bunch of the occult stuff. so i took that and i just made it christian, i kind of made it my own. and she looks at these really taboo things like the plane that almost killed jackie and she thinks 'no that's a sign from god and even though it was a scary, like, almost life or death experience, i've had that before and that's how i connected to god, so i need to do this in order to fulfill my purpose' so that's kind of the headspace that i went into.

interviewer: but i think another question that a bunch of people were having was when she dives into that pool when she's 13, like why is she diving into the shallow end? like what's going on in her head?

widdop: we kind of came up with this idea that, even when she was younger, all throughout her life she's had these kind of terrible ideas but she kind of goes into this, like, fugue state where she doesn't know what she's doing and she just ends up almost dying. you know what i mean? so i think it's- she has these almost not, like, street smart moves, that's what i would call it. and i think i'm very similar in that way because i just have some like moments where i'm like, that would be such a stupid decision if i made that, but it's not like terrible things. like i'm thinking about me making candles because i have a candle obsession and so i froze my candles, and i had a laura lee moment where i was like, you know, what if i used like perfume, like, my extra perfume in my kit? and i was like, no, jane, that would make a bomb, that's alcohol that you're putting fire to. but i just have these moments sometimes and they're just such larly moments, so that's what i've started calling them. i love them because i love laura lee but the second you suggested the plane thing, i'm sitting here watching the episode like, this is a bad idea, why is nobody stopping her? which, coach ben, bless his heart, he tried, i know, but she has these ideas that are like, you almost can't stop her. that's another thing i feel like with people with faith is it's so strong that anything that you say to them is not gonna change their faith and what they've been through. and i think that in laura lee's head she really did believe that she survived the pool and all of that in order to save them later, right, she has a bigger purpose.

interviewer: so with the pool, coming back, because we debated that on this podcast, talking about- was that misjudging the depth? was there something intentional? so do you see it as almost more that she has these intrusive thoughts that she almost acts on the impulse?

widdop: very much acting on impulse, not thinking through things and that's kind of why we wanted to show her in the beginning like that, so that it would make sense for more people to understand that that's where she's coming from. but she has these moments of just- i mean, they're they're a bunch of teenagers right they have moments of immaturity and i think that that's a big one for her. she's innocent, she's sweet, she's kind, she's loving but she can be a bit immature and not in the ways that the other girls are. like, in doomcoming, you know, what i mean like that type but she's not that type of immature, she's the type of immature that will go fly a plane because she thinks she can do that.

interviewer: one thing i love about this series is that faith based characters are usually comic relief, almost. they're very one note and i love how laura lee's faith guides her and plays a very important role in the series. i'm curious to know your thoughts because so for me, i mean, i feel very much the nostalgia factor with this show and even though i was not raised in the christian faith and christian culture, there was a real christian culture youth movement that was like cool in the mid 90s when you had like dc talk and jars of clay. what kind of research did you do into what a christian teenager would have been into at that time? widdop: i kind of just asked my sister, who grew up in the 90s. she was very much a natalie, that's what i would call her, like, blaring the smashing pumpkins in her pickup truck with the windows rolled down, you know. but i used her and i leaned on her a lot, because i wanted somebody that had an experience in the 90s that went to high school during this time and was very first-hand. so she had a friend of hers that was a very devout christian, so i kind of just took some of that information. and then i used a lot of my mom's like growing up because my mom grew up very baptist and so picking apart the layers that didn't identify with larli's christianity, you know what i mean? i tried to kind of combine a bunch of different values ... but, yeah, i definitely did a lot of research into just, like, what activities she would like to do you know what i mean or what her youth group would do on the weekends in new jersey, you know what i mean? like, stuff like that.

widdop: i think the other thing with laura lee is she does get invited to that party, at the beginning, you know? i think she has two sets of these friends. she has her really christian group and then her soccer team that she really shouldn't be a part of, but somehow she is and they invite her everywhere even though they don't tell her anything. and i just kind of love that dynamic because i feel like everybody in high school kind of had one of those people, i feel like i was that person. i was always like 'wait what's going on what are we talking about' and they're like 'okay you know what we'll tell you later' i was like 'hey sure'

widdop: i think you can look at it and see one note, but for me i didn't. i just i saw a girl that wants to be accepted but wants people to accept her for who she is and isn't going to change for that, and i really appreciated that. and that's why i feel like sometimes laura lee and i are so different, because sometimes i can be the one that's like 'i will, actually, i will change if you want. you know, sure i'll wear this instead of this' and she's not gonna do that she's very headstrong and gonna wear what she wants. even her sweaters and her flowery shirts and dresses in the middle of the woods, you know, she makes it work, she does.

widdop: i just i played a character before on a pilot that didn't get picked up by pete berg called bloodline, and my character's name was bird. and so i've kind of always connected with birds and had that, and then of course with laura lee, when, you know, she connects with other birds.

interviewer: now that i'm thinking about it, i'm a little bummed we didn't get to see laura lee on shrooms, when leonard started talking to her. i think that would have been a moment. widdop: i know, i feel like she would have like seen the skies open up and been like, oh my god, jesus is walking down towards me, that would have been really funny. i would have loved to play laura lee on shrooms.

interviewer: oh my god, in f sharp, just the when you drop the piano teacher's- i mean that was that was my favorite laura lee moment. that was perfect because of course you think that it was going to be something subtle that laura lee would think was a bad word but really wasn't that bad and we're just like 'whoa okay, yeah, yeah we're going there'. it goes to show you the two dimensions that you just said laura lee has, same as getting invited to the part.y you think she's the sweet innocent girl but there is a different side of her and that, right there, showed it i was not expecting her to come up. it was amazing, also i just find it so funny.

widdop: technically, she did die in a plane crash. they just extended her stay, you know, just for a little bit. had to get close to lottie. interviewer: yeah, and i was gonna say how was it working with courtney eaton? given that the journey between laura lee and lottie was so powerful. widdop: i love courtney, i think she is such a phenomenal actress, she made it so easy to play off of her. but i think that their moments are really, really special because, like i said, larley finds god's faith in really taboo things and that's lottie, you know, that's how they connect and we kind of didn't really get into this backstory, but i don't think that they've had a lot of connection before the plane crash. i think that this is really the one thing that brings them together and then obviously probably lottie's downfall when i die as well. i love the highs and the lows of their storyline and i also really like how they have had very similar near-death experiences. so when i hit my head in that thing, like when i'm younger lottie also had that car crash but she also had the same experience that i had when i was 13 when i baptized her and i think that that was that's such a cool parallel between the two. and i really do think that their story lines mesh perfectly together, i wasn't expecting that to happen that relationship to take place and it was really funny to me because after people saw the pilot they were like 'oh lottie and laura lee lottie lee' i was like 'how did you guys see this i didn't even see this when we filmed the pilot, what' so that was that was pretty funny to me. i loved that people were able to catch on i was like 'i didn't'. there's so many similarities the bible also had a very strong impact on lottie just in a different way.

widdop: i definitely think if laura lee had taken off and there had been a radio, she would have been able to reach somebody and could have at least let them know. even if she still did die, but i definitely think if there was an option for that in there she would have done that. i mean, she's immature, but she's smart.

interviewer: so i have to say, at the end of that journey, morally being seen as the most of the straight-laced characters who would respect authority, her standing up to coach ben is just- how was it playing such a pivotal moment of strength for that character? widdop: i loved thatm and that is all thanks to our brilliant director because the 'what are you going to do to stop me, coach?' line is really was really jackie's line, and our director was like 'no, laura lee needs this line' because this is her final 'i'm standing up to you moment'. so i was really, really happy that i got that line and that i could kind of play that moment. that was really fun, i've seen videos and clips of it because i didn't know how it's going to turn out but that little step forward that i did, was a big decision for me at the moment i was like 'should i step forward? should i not step forward? should i just stay here? how does this- what i do?' it was a very big moment for me but i really liked the way that it turned out in that whole monologue, especially my favorite thing of that entire scene is when she's like 'excuse me' she's really quiet at the beginning and then she's like 'no' it's so funny to me like just from zero to 100 real quick. which is what i love about her, that's very her she's very gung-ho, very 'i'm gonna take care of things'.

interviewer: i don't know if you know this information but what sign do you think laura lee is?

widdop: i've thought about this, being my astrology nerd self that i am. i definitely think that she is a cancer sun, i think she's very, very loving, very kind but also kind of doesn't think things through. then i would say aquarius rising or moon and then there's one aries placement in that big three, but i never know where to put it. i think that the aries comes in with that strong-headedness. but also it's so close to taurus, i think it's an aries-taurus type of situation, because she has that stubbornness, she has a lot of fire in that. i see her as this fiery water sign with just the tiniest sprinkle of air added in.

widdop: i think that there's also a couple other characters that- i would identify -that have aries in their big three. so, i think that's how her relationships kind of develop. but i also definitely think lottie is a pisces, and that's why- the pisces and cancer, you know, hanging out.

interviewer: well so courtney ian mentioned in an interview that her internal motivation in singing kiss from a rose, when she was preparing for the scene, was telling herself that that was laura lee's favorite song. is that in your head canon now, as well? widdop: it definitely wasn't before, but as soon as i heard the song on doomcoming, i was like 'yeah, this is definitely a laura lee song. this is what she would listen to' i added it to my wireless playlist that i made. i was thinking about putting girl on fire but i was like 'that's a little bit too hard' .

interviewer: it's just amazing how the shit went down when laura lee wasn't there to be a compass and guide for the group, and for lottie to keep her in charge.

widdop: yes, and i think that's definitely why laura lee had to go, you know, there has to be that moment of 'oh, stuff's gonna happen, there's no moral compass anymore, it's gone off the rails' but i also just really like how her death was such a hero thing, and i think that that's why it really only affects lottie the most, because she felt like she could have done the most. but everybody else that- you know -we've been on a team together, we played soccer for years, everybody else knew my head strong qualities, they knew they weren't gonna be able to stop me. but i think lottie was like- that's why it affected her so much because she knew she would have been one of the only people to stop me and she didn't do anything.

widdop: i will forever love her. that was one of the best parties i think i've ever had. it was 2019, so, you know, better time, and it was like the last halloween party i had i do before pandemic. i did a halloween party with my one of my best friends and she was my roommate for a little bit, mila and we went to high school together and our first party that we did, because we were kind of like the weird kids in high school that didn't really party like we wanted like our version of partying was doing crafts. so we had a disney themed halloween party and made felt mickey mouses, decorated cookies, made a magic mirror to take pictures in front of, we did not make jello shots with alcohol in them, no, we made the alien jello shots from toy story. yeah, no alcohol to be found. here's a laura lee moment, i was like, 'you know, the easiest way to heat this up is just to put the pyrex glass mixing bowl on the stove.' it's not insane, that used to be possible before they changed the formula, it's true. i thought that i was right in this and then it exploded so i really did not have a lot of jello that night. thank god there wasn't any alcohol in it, or else that would have been an even worse mess that would have smelled so bad.

୨୧˚♡* ♱    starter call, accepting.    ( @songrot​ )

                “  that’s  beautiful,  julie.  ”    laura  lee  says  earnestly,  eyes  wide  in  awe  and  amazement.  julie’s  talents  were  a  gift  from  God,  blessed  by  the  angels  that  filled  His  kingdom  with  music.  they  sit  together  on  the  piano  bench,  pressed  together  as  if  sisters.  it  was  probably  the  only  way  they’d  fit  together  on  the  nearly  miniature  bench,  but  she  wasn’t  expecting  much  from  a  high  school,  even  one  made  for  music.    “  did  that  piece  have  a  name?  i  didn’t  recognize  it.  ”

୨୧˚♡* ♱    starter call, accepting.    ( @camptw1nk​ )

                legs  pressed  together,  side  by  side,  the  two  of  them  sit  near  the  lake.  one  more  hesitant  than  the  other  to  get  closer,  but  even  laura  lee  can’t  deny  the  peace  that  the  gentle  waves  bring,  no  matter  how  anxious  the  thought  of  the  deep,  murky  water  makes  her,  not  being  able  to  see  what  is  beneath  it.  an  escape  from  sharp  words  and  the  ever  watchful  gaze  of  kurt’s  parents.  she  thinks  he  needs  it  more  than  her,  even  if  he  won’t  tell  her.  certain  prayers  don’t  need  to  be  said.    “  i  wish  it  could  always  be  like  this.  ”    she  says,  and  tries  not  to  think  of  the  weight  of  the  words.    “  i  wish  …  i  wish  this  was  all  it  was  about  out  here,  like,  the  peace?  it’s  kind  of  nice.  ”

୨୧˚♡* ♱    starter call, accepting.    ( @witcheri​ )

                slowly  dabbing  at  frankie’s  bruised  eye  with  an  ice  pack  retrieved  from  the  nurses  office,  laura  lee  realizes  just  how  often  this  event  has  occurred  in  the  last  week,  finding  herself  in  this  exact  spot.  it’s  not  that  she  doesn’t  understand,  if  something  like  this  happened  to  her  sisters,  no  matter  how  much  they  seemed  to  fight  her,  she  would  always  defend  them  to  prove  their  innocence.  but  not  like  this.  not  in  a  way  that  only  gets  them  both  in  trouble  more.  it  brews  in  her  chest  during  the  long  moments  of  silence,  a  pause  that  sinks  and  festers  and  feels  heavier  than  the  dripping  ice  in  her  hand,  pressing  down  on  her  tongue  until  she  has  to  tell  herself  to  be  brave.  be  brave,  laura  lee.    “  i  think  you  should  stop.  ”    frankie  makes  her  nervous,  it’s  always  been  that  way.  although  they  were  friends,  she’s  fiery  and  stubborn  and  she  just  doesn’t  listen,  so  laura  lee  very  rarely  tries  to  push  back.  but  she  can’t  watch  this  anymore,  can’t  watch  frankie  tie  herself  up  in  knots  and  knots  of  trouble  and  pain.  laura  lee  prays  for  strength  and  reaches  for  frankie’s  hand,  stilling  her.    “  you  know  this  isn’t  helping.  somewhere  in  you,  you  know.  ”    guilt  pricks  at  her  for  letting  it  get  this  far.  disciples  of  Christ  were  meant  to  go  out  and  do  good  in  the  world.  what  good  had  she  been  doing,  standing  by  and  waiting?    “  we  can  check  the  woods  again,  if  you  want?  my  mom  isn’t  busy  tonight  so  i  don’t  need  to  watch  my  sisters,  but  i  can’t  be  out  too  late.  ”