"you Tell Me She's Changed, But I Don't Know If I Believe People Can Change That Quickly." Kami's Also

"you tell me she's changed, but i don't know if i believe people can change that quickly." kami's also partially referring to himself ― lumine only knows a FRACTION of everything he'd suffered. she knows more than anyone else, but kami doesn't want her arrogance to assume she knows more than he's willing to tell her. kami is still dealing with five hundred years of anger and resentment, and so much hurt. that would not be a tale he wants to share with anyone, ever.

for him, he might be on a new path, but kami can't shake the resentment and disdain that still creeps up from time to time. humans as a whole are still so frail, far too fragile to get that close to them. kami doesn't want to take any risks if he can avoid it, but lumine. she is different. kami is aware she isn't a typical human, and surely that's why she'd know better than most how fickle change can be when habits are still hard to break.

"she's been seeking eternity for as long as i've been alive," kami continues. he's not even looking at lumine now, pulling his hat low to stare at the ground. he doesn't want lumine to see his face, or the doubts etched on it. "i don't believe for a second that she can change her mind just because you happened to help the rebels win a war."

that's...probably a lot harsher than kami intended. this isn't supposed to be a scathing review on lumine's abilities ― she had only done what was right for the nation, he supposes. wars can't last forever, after all. "what i mean to say is, do you really believe she's changed that quickly? you know me, you know what i've done, and i don't FEEL any different than how i used to feel. do you believe people can actually turn around for the better?"

he's almost tired of learning this lesson. it never sticks for long, his thoughts continuously stray to bitterness and resentment, and forgiveness is difficult. yes, even forgiving lumine is difficult. her part in everything he'd done in the past had only lended to him getting more and more frustrated, resulting in their final showdown. she hadn't actually done anything other than stand up to him and fight, but it had still done a lot of harm for his own emotions and goals.

"if you really think i should go see her, then we probably should get it over with. i should also let lord kusanali know where i'm going to ensure she has backup if she needs an errand boy."

Second chances did not come often, Lumine was extremely aware of that.

What happened to him it was indeed a rare occurrence, however some demons never stopped clinging to his shadow despite this new journey of his.

Betrayal, sorrow, regret, loneliness. Wounds could heal with time, sometimes they'd only leave scars, sometimes they'd never stop bleeding.

They might have not had the best start of whatever bond they now shared, however more than anyone else she could somehow sense the inner battle that currently plagued Kami.

All she wanted it was to be by her brother side again. All she wanted it was to have him between her arms again, hear is soft laugh carried by the wind like the sweetest lullaby she had always fallen asleep to. But he had chosen a path without her, he had taken a journey in which he didn't need her. Would things be different when they'd meet again? She had faith in her brother, yet that fear creeped in more often now, thorns coming through the cracks of her own open wounds.

"Some debts might never get fulfilled" Her arms fell by her sides, her features now softening too. Someone could search for forgiveness, but after all it all depended from those who would be willing to provide it. Healing was a complex process for each side involved. "I might not be able to carry those debts for you, however I can stand by your side in this journey if you ever need me to." And she truly meant it. Torment was not meant to be held by oneself alone, ironic to came from someone like her of all people.

"She has also changed." She would be lying herself if she said she had forgotten all the affliction the Electro Archon had brought to Inazuma and her gained comrades. The fear she had felt in her presence, the anger that had raged before Ei when she was determined to destroy her ideals. The same way she had never forgotten Teppei's life slipping away in front of her helpless eyes. Forgiveness was truly a hard matter to deal with.

"But as you said, we always have our plan A anyway if the encounter takes a wrong turn." She stuck her tongue out playfuly.

well now it's no longer funny. kami doesn't enjoy watching ren lose his temper like that, even less so when that anger is directed at him.

he should have expected this, in all honestly. ren is EXCELLENT at hiding things from others, including kaminari. he's great at shutting down and shutting out the world around him; evidently he's trying to pull that same shit with kami. it's fair though; kami DOESN'T know what all ren's done with kazuha. every part of that relationship had happened behind the scenes. kami was never involved, he doesn't know the extent of what ren put himself through for his relationship.

perhaps kami SHOULDN'T have laughed. the entire situation is a complete mess, and kami KNOWS he just made it worse. that doesn't stop the anger from rising up in his own chest at ren's reaction. or the hurt. hadn't kami tried to help? he'd stayed well out of everyone's affairs, remaining hidden so people don't know there's TWO of them running around. he's already isolated and alone, with not a single spot of company aside from ren. not even nahida is great company these days. her focus is on her world's wanderer, while kami's usually left to his own devices. he spends most of his time in the sanctuary, with only books to keep him occupied.

kami had tried to understand. offering support and guidance, giving them an unshakable bond of understand and sympathy between them, that no one else could penetrate. why does it take a brief bout of surprised laughter to have all that thrown back in HIS face?

rejection. pain. kami is not unfamiliar with those concepts. he's not unfamiliar with that crushing loneliness that threatens to overwhelm him this time. he will not cry. he will not lose control in front of ren.

stay away from me.

"as you wish," kami says tersely. he's not going to argue the point. he's not going to come seek out ren later, either. if ren wants to find him, he can find him elsewhere. though, it's unlikely to happen anytime soon.

coward. parasite. USELESS. PUPPET.

"good luck with your marriage," he digs. "hopefully you don't torpedo that relationship, either. given your masterful ability to lash out, who knows?" that's all he says before he's leaping over the railing, flying away to get as far away from his 'twin' as possible. there's more he could say. there's more kami could throw back in ren's face, to show him exactly why this conversation is a sore topic. but ren knows. he already knows what it's like to be in kami's shoes. as much as kami wishes for the same, he doesn't love anyone the way he loves. LOVED. ren.

he'll never befriend anyone on the same level. he'll never reach that complication of navigating friendships or even romance the way ren has. kami isn't ren, and he'll NEVER be.

you don't belong here. spineless. coward. is that all he's doing anymore? is just HIDING? it never really mattered to begin with. kami's life began as a mistake, and he's going to live out whatever pathetic lifetime he still has as yet another one. there's no HOME to go back to, and there's no home here, either. perhaps he'll go back to shakkei pavilion and isolate there forever, let himself rot in some never ending stupor, just like what he was created for.

let ren run his life.

kami hopes he fucking chokes on his misery. he's choking, frantically wiping away tears already falling unbidden as he zooms off, not entirely sure where he's going anymore. leaving sumeru, maybe.

he already misses ren.

he  understands  entirely  what  kind  of  HOLE  he's  dug  himself  into  —  and  perhaps  it's  partially  for  that  reason  why  he  even  confessed  to  his  lie  by  omission  at  all.  it  isn't  as  if  he's  chosen  to  hide  the  truth  from  kazuha  indefinitely;  what  is  one  more  sin  to  add  to  that  mountainous  pile?  the  ronin  has  never  rejected  him  before,  even  when  ren  can  only  assume  any  LOGICAL  person  otherwise  would.  but  of  course,  kazuha  has  never  been  the  type  to  do  anything  even  remotely  logical  —  he  thinks  with  the  heart  of  a  free-spirited  poet  rather  than  his  actual  HEAD.  even  so,  uncertainty  stills  his  tongue.  every  time  the  ideal  opportunity  presents  itself,  the  wanderer  finds  it  slips  through  his  fingers  before  he  has  the  chance  to  capitalize.  he  needs  to  tell  him,  he  knows  —  and  he  will.  but  doing  so  poses  the  risk  of  exposing  the  one  person  he  wishes  to  protect  above  all  else  to  a  world  rife  with  cruelty,  atrocities  and  bloodshed.  if  he  tells  him  about  the  fatui,  he'll  need  to  tell  him  about  EVERYTHING  ELSE  —  and  under  no  circumstances  will  ren  allow  him  to  be  dragged  into  his  obsessive  war  against  the  doctor.

he  understands  all  of  this  —  and  part  of  him  hopes  that  kaminari  will  be  able  to  understand  as  well.  he  doesn't  expect  him  to  CONDONE  his  actions,  but  to  at  least  be  capable  of  approaching  them  with  some  degree  of  genuine  empathy.  it  seems  like  he  was  expecting  a  little  too  much.

does  he  even  know  you're  the  one  who  kickstarted  his  clan's  downfall?  ❝  ... ❞   with  a  harsh  CRUNCH,  the  railing  CRUMBLES  beneath  his  grip  —  stone  reduced  to  dust  as  though  it  were  made  of  dry,  fragile  clay.  does  he  know?  does  he  KNOW?  ren  can  accept  being  mocked  for  what  he  hasn't  told  kazuha  —  but  he  won't  accept  this.  (  won't  accept  his  greatest  regret  being  treated  as  a  joke.  )  it  feels  like  his  blood  has  been  set  ablaze  from  the  sheer  force  of  his  anger.  he  feels  sick.  he  feels  lightheaded.  he  feels  a  traitorous  prickling  at  the  corners  of  his  eyes  —  not  tears,  so  much  as  they  are  a  liquid  form  of  vitriol.  ire  potent  enough  to  poison  an  entire  village  with  a  single  drop.   ❝  shut  the  fuck  up.  ❞  his  voice  comes  sharper  than  any  blade.  it's  exceedingly  rare  for  the  wanderer  to  curse,  but  in  this  very  special  situation,  other  words  fail  to  encompass  the  sheer  breadth  of  his  anger.   ❝  for  once  in  your  worthless  existence,  know  when  to  STOP  TALKING. ❞

he  has  no  idea.  he  has  no  idea.  and  perhaps  under  different  circumstances,  ren  would  feel  more  inclined  to  calmly  correct  kaminari's  assumption  —  but  not  when  his  doppelganger  has  the  nerve  to  LAUGH  in  his  face.  he  has  no  idea  that  was  the  among  the  very  first  things  he  told  him  —  that  he  approached  kazuha  fully  with  the  intention  of  it  being  his  own  EXECUTION.  (  for  if  it  were  at  all  possible,  it  would  only  be  fitting  if  it  was  by  his  blade.  )  he  has  no  idea  the  months  he  spent  diligently  devoting  himself  to  one  human's  happiness,  doing  everything  in  his  power  to  ensure  that  he  would  be  able  to  live  freely  —  even  if  it  would  do  little  to  compensate  for  the  suffering  he  had  already  INFLICTED.  he  has  no  idea  the  sheer  amount  of  self-loathing  his  own  feelings  brought  him.  how  there  are  still  nights  (  even  now  )  wherein  the  hatred  is  great  enough  that  he  nearly  CHOKES  on  it.  disgusting,  selfish,  wretched.  his  mere  presence  in  kazuha's  life  is  an  indulgence  ren  doesn't  feel  at  all  ENTITLED  to.  he  has  no  idea  how  many  times  that  knowledge  has  shattered  him  into  so  many  ugly  pieces  —  only  to  have  them  carefully,  lovingly  reassembled  by  the  hands  of  the  person  he  has  unwittingly  burdened  with  that  cavalcade  of  past  mistakes.  ren  already  knows  that  he  doesn't  deserve  kazuha;  he  doesn't  need  kaminari  rubbing  it  in  his  face.

...  opening  up  to  anyone  never  comes  without  more  regrets  than  it's  worth.  how  naive  of  him  to  forget.

❝  stay  away  from  kazuha.  stay  away  from  the  wedding. ❞  uninvited.  whatever;  it's  not  like  he  CARES,  right?  ❝  in  fact,  why  don't  you  do  us  both  a  favor  and  stay  away  from  me?  if  you're  going  to  hide  in  my  world  like  a  hypocritical  PARASITE,  the  least  you  can  do  is  keep  out  of  my  way. ❞  fingers  uncurl  from  the  ruined  railing  with  a  clatter  of  falling  rubble.  ❝  i  don't  think  a  COWARD  too  spineless  to  go  home  and  face  his  own  mistakes  has  any  place  to  mock  me  about  my  own  —  now  does  he? ❞

@windsfavored | yakshaverse

sumeru city.

it's not a place they'd been to before. they almost shouldn't be here in the first place, with their karmic debt still plaguing every step. their entire existence is painful, and they would have chalked up their latest dream to be just THAT, except for the return of memories long forgotten.

changed his fate? binarius doesn't know how that's even possible in the first place. how could they have forgotten their old friend like they did? had that even actually been a dream? had they actually seen the dendro archon in their mind, offering them some comfort?

binarius leans on his claymore, eyes scanning the many pathways leading all over the city. it's a bustling, lively place, way too easy to get lost in. there's no telling where he'll even begin to find his old friend, and he's already so worn out, exhausted.

he walks upward, a winding stone patch that seems to stretch on in many directions. binarius isn't even paying attention to where he's going, there's nothing enjoyable about being here in the first place. all he knows is that some force, some innate desire, is pushing him ahead. he's so weak and ill; he'll need days to recover. hopefully.

at long last, or what FEELS like forever, binarius finds himself staring up at a rather large, ornate building. it's far too massive, too intimidating, and some fear inside him is preventing him from getting closer. there are way too many people inside; binarius can't risk them getting hurt by his own ailments. once more, he's leaning on his claymore, trying to ponder his next step.

―a flash of blue, amid the sea of green and white uniforms, draws their gaze instantly. it's a large hat, strange as it may appear, and underneath it is the very face binarius had been missing for so long. too long.

picking their weapon back up, binarius moves closer, brushing their hair out of their face. they flash back to when the pair had first met ― binarius was just as disheveled and dirty as they are now.

"kab-" they begin, lifting an arm. only to slowly lower it again. the figure is disappearing inside the building. they have no choice but to follow. practically running.

"kabukimono!" they call out.

please don't let it be too late.

i've ranted about this before but

Chongyun is not emotionless. Chongyun has a lot of feelings and wears his heart on his sleeve. He feels all the emotions: anger, annoyance, sadness, joy, and so much more. He feels them, he expresses them.

I think a lot of people (reddit, mostly from what I've seen) mistake Chongyun's suppression to mean that he's basically robotic in nature. I agree that he has to keep himself in check in order to manage his yang energy, but that doesn't mean Chongyun's a blank slate.

Chongyun is a ball of energy just waiting to explode. They have so much personality brimming below the surface, and I try to capture more than that in my portrayal. Chongyun is very very passive aggressive when he's trying to keep his anger in check. He makes his disdain very very obvious.

Chongyun is also very happy a lot of times. He shows his joy by wearing large smiles that make his eyes sparkle. He loves spending time with people and he loves sharing, he loves being able to share that bond where he can laugh with someone, or even crack jokes.

Chongyun also gets scared. Scared, nervous, anxious, all the emotions. You can hear them in his voice, see it all in his actions. Just because he's not doing grand emotional acts doesn't mean he's not expressing himself.

Chongyun is so expressive and I do not understand how people miss that.

Whether it's my portrayal or the game portrayal, Chongyun is very clearly your basic average guy with basic average emotions. Calling him emotionless because of his yang energy is wrong.

"who said i'm lying? with actual elements, you need something already existing for them to be created. like, you need water to create ice. you need chemicals to light a match. then explain how vision users can create their element on a whim, without pre-existing chemicals and substances."

he pauses, then smiles.

"you also shouldn't be drinking the hydro. that might give you stomach cramps."

"WHY WOULD YOU LIE LIKE THIS?! OF COURSE IT IS!"

"i've been submerged in water before," chongyun begins. "mostly to help with meditation. i've found that being underwater helps me focus a lot more." this is all beside the point though.

"i didn't think too much about it at the time, but i wonder if it's worth experimenting with in the future. to just go sit in a lake somewhere and contemplate the..." he frowns. "i guess, results? to see if we actually can feel anything."

      ‘ Hmm... ʼ Interesting debate and introduction to a new observation, but, still, Kaveh is true to the bit of information he's presented. ‘ We would know once it changes the aspect of a given thing, like turning it malleable in the case of our hair or clothes. But feeling wet, that isn't well translated. Take being completely immersed in water for example — would you say you can still 'feel' it despite knowing you're soaked? ʼ