Agora Hills

Agora Hills

Changbin x fem!reader

synopsis: You thought breaking up with Changbin was for the best, but he's here to remind you that's completely and utterly wrong.

warnings: MDNI 18+, suggestive themes, exes-to-lovers, rich!changbin, he's an asshole but means well, some angst mostly fluff, thats it lol

1.5k words

It's not as though you hated Changbin, quite the opposite actually.

He's caring, sweet, and would rip the shirt off his back if you asked. He would treat you well, spoil you like a baby. He's really the whole package...all for one thing.

As sweet as he is to you, he's too snobby with other people. You knew he had money, lots of it. Anyone with that amount to their name can let it get to their head, but Changbin loved showing off how much he had. You couldn't do it anymore.

The final straw was when you were out on a double date with your friends. The restaurant wasn't up to Changbin's taste, and he made it very clear he did not like it to everyone. You tried to awkwardly laugh it off, but it was hard not to when he said, "This is why I don't like hanging out with the middle class, no offense. You guys just have no taste."

You saw red. Here was your boyfriend belittling the class your family has had to work their way into. With clenched teeth you apologized to your friends, broke up with Changbin, and had your friends drive you home.

It's been two weeks, and he's been calling you nonstop. Text after text, call after call, voicemail after voicemail. When you weren't picking up, he started sending gifts to your door. Jewelry, bouquets of flowers, clothes you knew cost more than your rent. Changbin had a habit of showing his love through materialistic ways, but it was getting annoying having to return them back to his address.

"You should ask for a car," your roommate chirps. 

You only rolled your eyes and groaned in return. You slumped further into the couch before burying your face in your hands. 

"You're supposed to be helping me," you say frustratingly. 

"I am," she protests. "Your shit car is breaking down, again, and you and I both know damn well your little sugar daddy would love to buy you a better one."

Angrily, you place your hands on the sides of the couch and sit up. "He's not my sugar daddy! Don't call him that."

Your roommate tsks and shakes her head, "Whatever. Have you called him at least?" 

You shake your head back, "I haven't spoken to him since that night."

"Well, maybe you should," she reasons. "Some guys need to hear it more than once, especially if you just up and left him like that. Who knows, maybe you can work things out too."

"I have," you stress. "He's just so...ignorant sometimes. And plus, I can't take him back after what he said to you."

Rather than seeming upset, your roommate shrugs. "I've heard worse. Plus I don't think he meant it in a bad way, like you said, he's just a little ignorant."

Her aloofness makes you both on edge and at ease. It's good to hear that she wasn't as offended as you thought she'd be, but her being so nonchalant about your situation is irritating. 

In times like these, you wish someone could just tell you what to do. 

"I say you call him," she answers your prayers. "If he's an ass, it only proves that you were right to dump him. If he's not, then you either owe him a better breakup or another chance."

Finding resolution, you stand to your feet and grab your phone from the coffee table. "You say it like it's so easy."

"That's because it is."

-

Changbin picks up on the first ring. Not that it should surprise you, but the rehearsed words die in your throat when he answers with an overly excited hello?

When you don't answer he prompts you again, "Baby...are you there?"

You can feel the way your heart clenches at the pet name. It's only been a mere two weeks since you've heard his voice and you're already wanting to cry. 

"Don't call me that," your voice is small. 

"Why not?" He asks. You can hear how shaky his voice is, but you convince yourself it's the static. If he really cared about you, he wouldn't have said that in the first place. "Are you not my baby anymore?"

You have to chew on your bottom lip and look up to the ceiling of your room to keep yourself from crying. A few seconds pass before you speak, "I dunno...Changbin you really...you really messed up."

"I know, baby, and I'm so sorry. I'm stupid. I hurt you and embarrassed you in front of your friends. I would do it over again if I could, baby believe me. We can fix this, I can be better. I love you, you know that."

He's right, you do know that. There wasn't a moment in your relationship where you doubted his love for you. Changbin has been a little snobby before, but that doesn't compare to his overwhelming adoration for you.

"I love you too Binnie," you sniff. "I wanna fix this too."

You swear you can hear him smile behind the phone. "That's all I need to hear baby. You mean so much to me that I can't even explain it, you know that?"

Despite the tears on your waterline you laugh, "Yeah I do Binnie. You mean a lot to me too."

Changbin laughs with you. "I miss you baby...it's so lonely in my mansion."

Whatever tenderness you had filling your heart dissipates and is replaced with agitation. "Jesus this is exactly what I mean! It's those little stupid fucking remarks that-"

"No! Baby baby I didn't mean it like that! It's a Doja Cat song-"

"-and here I was really wanting to make things work and you just-"

The two of you begin to talk over one another, the previous confessions nearly forgotten. It takes Changbin profusely apologizing and begging for you to stop arguing. 

"Over the phone isn't gonna cut it. I'll send a limo and you can come over. Please baby, we can fix this."

You sigh heavily and collapse on your bed, pinching the bridge of your nose. "Okay."

-

No matter how many times you enter Changbin's house, if you can call it that, it always leaves you breathless. Polished floors, high ceilings, with chandeliers dangling up above you. It's clean, not a speck of dust in sight, most likely thanks to the many invisible housemaids. 

He had ushered you to his room, sitting you on his couch as he remained standing. 

It felt good to see him, even if you were pissed. He was as muscular as ever, a black tank top showing his pecs and arms deliciously. He must've worked out before you came, he tended to use the gym as a stress reliever. 

"There's really no excuse I have other than I'm stupid." Changbin starts. 

You let a small breath of air out that mimics laughter, "You don't have to tell me that.

Changbin smiles at you, but it doesn't reach his eyes. "Yeah." He pauses. "At the dinner, I really don't know why I even said that. I didn't mean to hurt you, or your friends. It's was inappropriate and fucked up of me. We can go and I can apologize to them. Anything you want me to do, just name it."

Timidly, he gets on his knees between your legs and takes your hands into his own. "I love you. I love everything about you even if I complain like an idiot. I'm just not used to...some things, but I don't want that to be the end of us. I can learn, and I can change. Just don't leave me. Please."

God, if there's one thing Changbin is good at, it's begging. His hot breath fans over your bare legs, sending chills up your body. You can feel the heat of his body rolling off onto yours. He looks beautiful. His dark, messy curls that sit at the top of his head, the broadness of his shoulders, the way his lips pout. 

As big as he is, he's still a baby.

Your baby.

Gently, you untangle your hands from his, and his face drops for a moment. You quickly place them on his face, pulling him forward until his lips meet your own. 

Changbin squeaks at the feel of your kiss, but his initial shock turns into passion. He grips the side of your face with one hand while the other steadies himself on your knee. It's gentle, the way he pulls back for a moment before diving back in.

There’s nothing but love in his featherlight lips enveloping yours. All you can feel is him, his passion, his devotion to you. All the things he wants to say- no, he needs to say is conveyed through the kiss.

His hands snakes to the back of your head, pushing you deeper into his mouth. It doesn't take long before his lips don't feel like enough, and you're both opening your mouths to taste each other. 

It makes your heart swoon to know that he tastes the same. Familiar. Safe. 

Changbin grows bold, the hand on your knee moving up to grip the plushness of your thighs. 

"So, you forgive me?" He asks between kisses.

You pull back and pretend to think, "I don't know. Why should I?"

This makes Changbin smile, fully. "I can show you. Would that be better?"

The hand on your thigh inches to the hem of your shorts. The way his warm fingers caress your skin makes you involuntarily open your legs a little wider. 

"I guess that'll do for now."

a/n: this is a little different from what I usually post, but I like it. hope you do too! thank you @then-make-me for editing/proofreading!

SAKURA — [18+!]

“What are you saying? Y-You think I’m pretty and smart?”

Fuck. He cannot turn the conversation around and made a complete fool out of himself as it seems.

“I–“ He takes a deep breath.

“Listen. If you were my girlfriend–“

Jisung stops himself again when he sees your eyes widen.

🌸 SYNOPSIS: After seeing your ex with the girl he told you not to worry about, you rush to the café your roommate works at but find Jisung there instead. Despite being in the same friend group, he has always hated your ex and consequently ignored you, too. So, why on earth is he taking care of you then, once you start crying and explain what happened?

This is my entry for skzwritingcafe‘s May/June event “Blossoming Love”!

🍒 CONTENT INFO: jisung x afab reader, enemies/frenemies to lovers, angst/smut/fluff, kinda ‘only one bed’ trope, mutual pining, college au, barista jisung, reader is demisexual although not explicitly mentioned, reader is referred to as girlfriend once, content warnings and smut tags under the cut

🧁 WORD COUNT: 12.4K

☁️ CONTENT WARNING: alcohol consumption, mention of breakup, mention of cheating, past toxic relationship, insecurities and taking the blame for other people’s faults, jealousy, slut shaming

🍰 SMUT: dom/sub dynamics, fingering, oral (f receiving), semi-protected piv, praise kink, possessiveness, marking (m receiving), one pussy slap, dacryphilia, name calling (pretty, good girl, baby, slut)

The characters do not portray any of the skz members in real life, the names are just used for fiction. Minors do not interact, this post contains mature topics. By reading you consent to nswf content and agree that you have read all the warnings above carefully.

You knew it.

You fucking knew it.

Time to pick out that expensive colour palette and draw a stupid clown face on your skin.

After today you will definitely need it.

‘No need to be jealous of her, dear,’ he said back then. And you believed his bullshit.

But what disgusts you the most is the fact it took him less than a month to jump into a new relationship with the girl he told you not to worry about—as it seems, judging the fact you just saw them with your own awake eyes holding hands in public, bickering into each other's ears.

Maybe it has even been going on longer than a month but you don’t want to think about that. Well, you can’t. It makes your stomach twist and turn, an uncomfortable knot in your lungs making it hard to breathe.

That’s the last thing you needed to see. Even injecting bleach in your veins sounds like a five star party in comparison to that. You would rather much live in ignorance, unaware of what you witnessed.

Your fight or flight reflex decided for the latter—actually mentally healthier, once you will have a chance to rethink this situation with a clear mind. But not for now. Escape is your best friend this evening.

Especially, since your actual best friend and roommate, Lee Felix, left the apartment without his charger and for once again his phone must have died some time ago. Not a big problem—you decide to go home instead, already looking forward to some spicy instant ramyeon, an unopened bottle of soju and a new series on Netflix you wanted to start days ago.

But—as it seems today is the worst day to ever exist—and you get reminded of it when you stand in front of your apartment building’s door, ready to open it with your keys. One small problem occurs—you must have left those keys at home. Inside. Just a door, a hallway and another door separating you from it.

You sigh and let your head fall back in annoyance, before you check the time on your phone’s dim lit screen, reading 21:48.

It’s late enough to head to a bar and that’s exactly what you do, finding yourself in a dark, stuffy pub half an hour later, sipping on your second Somaek of the night. The atmosphere doesn’t really brighten up your mood but the alcohol for sure does. The third drink in, you can feel yourself get dizzy, scrolling through the apps on your phone.

Felix still hasn’t texted you but you remember that he met with Hyunjin, telling you they really really have to get some project done for one of his classes that he has failed before. So, you decide to not annoy him further. It’s your fault anyway. You’re the one that forgot their keys and you’re also the one that overreacts completely, whenever the tiniest inconvenience triggers some bad emotions to bubble up.

You just want to start over. You don’t want to be caught in this endlessly running wheel like a stupid hamster. Yes, your ex has left many scars that will bring up the past for some time whenever you think back of it. But you simply don’t want that anymore.

You’re craving closure, real closure. A love that is blossoming with passion instead of coldness, blooming with honesty instead of lies and shining bright with trust instead of doubts.

However, you are aware that those things don’t exist. Maybe in the arts although you’re not quite convinced about that either. No matter if it’s the eighth Netflix show you put on this week but can’t even get through a whole episode, some book you laid aside after it got too unrealistic or a movie they showed in the cinema that makes you mad you spent as much money on a small bag of popcorn as on the ticket itself.

Nothing really touches your heart anymore, nothing gets under your skin. That’s what he did to you.

Or maybe you’re just overthinking, over exaggerating like you always do once the booze hits your brain. You should stop drinking, be responsible. Despite that, there are too many men seeking your attention in this pub and that’s the last thing you want.

Yes, you said you need closure. But not that kind. Well, you need to get laid, too. However, some random idiot isn’t your first choice. It’ll maybe help you forget about your ex but this still isn’t the passion that you need. You’ve never needed someone like this. You crave intimacy that’s characterised by trust. So, how is some stranger supposed to know what satisfies you anyway?

Not even your ex was able to do that. Which makes the fact you’re still crying about that little shit even more pathetic. But, well, at least you know that he won’t be able to make that girl—that he told you not to worry about—cum and that kind of leaves a little triumph to you. At least something.

Maybe you really need to start over. But dating is so fucking exhausting these days. No one wants anything serious anymore and isn’t even interested in getting to know a person first. You’ve never really enjoyed casual hook-ups. You don’t have to be absolutely in love with someone to have passionate, mind-blowing sex with them but there has to be some type of emotional connection, something that keeps you going and already lets you roll your eyes to the back of your head at the sheer thought of their fingers grazing over your skin.

There’s only one person you’ve ever had this dynamic, this utmost wild chemistry with, although nothing has ever happened between the both of you.

Because, unfortunately, you don’t really get along with him. Well, you do. He is the one that is always avoiding you. You’re not even friends but tend to see each other quite often since you’re part of the same group. Still, there’s a special connection between you although it’s hard to believe.

God. You already sense him making fun of you once he finds out that your ex must have been cheating on you. He was already so fucking happy about your breakup. The smile that was plastered all over his stupid, beautiful face was disgusting.

Yes. Your ex and you had been a couple for many years but you’ve never managed to get that other stupid boy out of your head. There’s something about the look in his big brown eyes that he’s got whenever he looks at you after defeating you in yet another round during board game night.

There’s been some tension between the both of you throughout all these years. But not in a common, usual way. It’s a heated desire that under all the hate and mess wants to be more, wants to be the opposite. He has never been necessarily mean to you, simply ignored you and maybe made fun of you during games but that’s it. Still, you’ve always seeked his attention and some delusional part inside your heart tells you he does the same.

God, Y/N. You’re a hopeless little fool.

You feel your thoughts drifting away further, the surroundings becoming as unimportant as your silly little dreams and hopes.

Until two very familiar faces approach the table next to yours. The two plop down on the seats. He helps her out of her jacket, before they start skimming through the menu.

Out of all the pubs, bars and lounges in this freaking big city he chooses to bring the girl he’s told you not to worry about to this stupid place. Idiot. God, you hate him so much. You hate her so much.

There’s an uncomfortable feeling bubbling up in your chest. They haven’t spotted you yet but the urge to go to their table and down the rest of your drink all over him is within reach.

No. Calm the fuck down, Y/N. You’re better than that. You’re better than him. Better than both of them.

Until the waiter comes to their table and even though it’s crowded and loud in here, you’re close enough to catch parts and bits of their conversation.

‘Welcome, my favourite couple.’

‘We’re glad you’re here once again.’

‘Happy five month anniversary.’

Well. You finally have honesty now. A little late but at least you don’t have to worry anymore, think about the ‘what ifs’ and so when you’re indeed aware that he cheated on you.

Maybe the healing process will be easier this way, knowing you can fully blame it on him. If your heart and insecurities let you grasp that.

You want to start over. Be better than him. Better than all this. Ready for a blossoming love that has been waiting for you all this time.

But maybe not today.

At least that’s how you justify your actions, when the liquid in your half empty glass spills all over your ex’s head and you rush out of the venue, knowing for sure you will never go here again anyway.

🌸

Half an hour and half a bottle of water you bought at some shady convenience store later, your bladder announces itself. Fuck. You should have used the bathroom at that pub before probably gaining a ban on entering that place again.

Still no message from Felix which means still no possibility to go home.

You could just go to the next bar, sure. But you’ve lost your interest in getting shit-faced or talking to some stranger a long time ago.

Grabbing your phone from your pants’ pocket, you open Google Maps and search around in the area your drunk self has brought your feet to until you realise you’re pretty close to the workplace of that friend who isn’t replying to you and has the only other key to your shared apartment.

Perhaps, Felix is at the café he works at. He usually gets school stuff done there with Hyunjin, snacking the last delicious brownies that weren’t sold that day and sipping on one caffeinated beverage after another.

You’ll see. Maybe they’re even still open and you can get some lemonade or cupcake to fight against the dizziness in your head. The water has helped a bit but not quite enough. You’re still tipsy and fear having a hangover tomorrow because you mixed different types of alcohol together.

Fuck. You really shouldn’t have drunk out of impulsiveness but unfortunately impulsiveness is practically your middle name.

A little walk later, you end up in front of the house right at the corner of the street. The lights in the café are still turned on. However, the sign reading ‘closed’ shines just as bright. You decide to enter nonetheless. The whole crew knows you quite well, since many people from your friend group work here.

Pushing the door open, you enter the building. It smells like blueberry muffins, hot chocolate and vanilla brownies. A slight scent of cherries makes it into your nostrils, helping you feel at ease. They have always been your favourite fruit—reminding you of safety and better days, the blossoming leaves on their trees a metaphor for a new start that you so exhaustingly crave.

You take a few steps further, walking around and spotting some used dishes at the counter. There’s no sound coming from the kitchen. Maybe one of the employees is taking a break before they get back to cleaning up the place.

And Felix isn’t here to study with Hyunjin. Dammit.

Where did that freckled boy go?!

You stay there for a few minutes—standing rooted in the spot, as you contemplate maybe quickly using the bathroom and in case Felix’s colleague gets aware of it, you will just explain the situation to them.

After a quick fresh up and somewhat regaining some dignity despite still being pretty much shit-faced, you decide to have a short pause. That’s why you sink down on one of the chairs, checking your phone but still no message from Felix or anyone else.

This is ridiculous.

Just like your whole fucking life.

You let out a deep groan that’s followed by a sigh.

And then—out of the blue—a voice startles you, making you jump up again from your seat.

“What do you want here?”

It’s Jisung.

The Jisung.

Your longtime enemy—whom you have that incredible tension with—that happens to be a part of your friend group. He has always been adored by all the members. Well except for one.

Your ex.

They’ve never gotten along.

And maybe that’s why Jisung has always ignored you, too.

“Y/N? Are you listening?”

His voice sounds annoyed which isn’t news. He’s always made you feel as if you don’t… exist. Basically ignored you to a point that it made you feel like you’re air.

What you don’t know is that Jisung does in fact view you like air—but more like oxygen. A slightly addicting, toxic oxygen which molecules make him dependent on you so he decided to stay away from you instead to save both you and him. But he still needs you in order to survive.

Apart from that, he has always in fact despised your now ex boyfriend. Not just because of the fact he was with you and—in Jisung’s opinion—not treating you as you deserve. He has never liked the dude in general.

But it’s just now that he realises that his voice suddenly came off too harsh, twice. Fuck. He just can’t think straight around you. Or think at all.

“Yeah– sorry– I d-didn’t know where else to go and I saw the lights were still on in here…” you confess now, as little sniffles fill the room.

Jisung finally grasps that you’re intoxicated and probably confused, maybe don’t even know why you came here and he won’t blame you. He would never. But he’s just as confused, too.

“Y/N… you’re drunk, aren’t you? Why else would you stay when Felix isn’t here? You hate me,” he says and those last three words are so small and almost inaudible but you still catch them.

You don’t hate Jisung. It’s more of a reaction of the lack of interest and almost disliking towards you he has made sure to constantly rub into your face for the past four years.

But that’s not the current debate of the synapses inside your brain.

You don’t want to break down. Not in front of him. Or anyone.

But you’re drunk. You’re exhausted. You are so fucking tired of all this.

There’s no control over the words, they simply spill out of your mouth, slip from your lips.

“I… He… He– He cheated on me.”

You burst out into tears then, eyeliner and mascara ruined as the black paint runs down your face. You hide your eyes behind the palms of your hands and everything becomes a blur, your sobbing the only sound you’re listening to.

“Fucking asshole,” you hear Jisung in the distance.

Footsteps echo through the room and suddenly he’s so close to you that it makes your heart skip a beat and you don’t quite understand why it does that.

Your enemy pulls you into a hug then and your whole body paralyses, as he softly strokes your back. His hand wanders up to your head, giving it a few little pats.

 “Okay. Listen,” he begins again, “you’re obviously drunk. I’ll prepare some food and water for you.”

You let go of him for a second, searching for any sarcasm in his words.

“Why are you so kind?”

Jisung blinks, a little surprised you ask him this question and he can’t differentiate if you’re astonished by him being kind while being your long time enemy or if you don’t expect any kindness from anyone at all. To not add any fuel to the drama, he settles for the second option.

“Don’t praise me for the bare minimum, Y/N. That dude really left some scars.”

Jisung brushes with his hand over your head a second time, before he grabs a tissue. Just when he is about to guide the paper to your swollen eyes, he decides against it and places it in your hand instead.

You wipe some of the tears and mascara away but it doesn’t help that much.

“Here, have some water and a bagel first and tell me what happened,” he says a little later. Jisung sits down on the other side of the table, as he gives you the drink and food.

The tears arrive again when you realise how kind Jisung is to you and that your ex would have never done the same if you showed up at his place after a mental breakdown.

Jisung watches you drink a bit and take a bite from the cake before he hands you another tissue when you spill some of the liquid, the droplets running down your chin and throat.

It takes everything within him to not lose his mind. This is fucking inappropriate. You come here devastated, bawling your eyes out and Jisung’s head is filled with the ideas that aren’t supposed to be there. But your makeup is smudged and the tears are streaming down your cheeks again. Jisung feels like the biggest perv on this planet that your crying face makes him think of unholy thoughts he shouldn’t have.

“Why would… why would you listen?”

His heart breaks. He’s back in reality at least. He assumes it’s caused by your insecurities but he fears that he’s responsible for your distrust, too. After all, he’s never really approached you these past years, staying as far from you as possible. He’s got his reasons for that as well but he could never speak them out loud to you. That would be the end.

“It’s just an offer. I won’t leave you alone like this.”

He wants to say more.

“T-Thank you.”

You thought he hated you? Well, he’s never explicitly said that. But he’s acted that way by ignoring you constantly and since he does in fact dislike your ex boyfriend—which was communicated many times and is a mutual feeling—you assumed Jisung hates you, too.

“I… you remember the girl my ex brought along at our last board game nights?”

Oh, he definitely does. He’s never liked her either and didn’t quite understand why she tagged along with your now ex when he was still with you back then. Inviting a friend is one thing but giving them all attention instead of you, their partner, is a line crossed. Jisung would never do something like this if he was your boyfriend.

“Yeah, I do,” he says. He’s taking a sip from his water, too. Jisung is already expecting the worst and he wouldn’t be surprised if your ex is either now with her or has already had something going on during your relationship.

“Well… I–“

Your throat cuts off the words. Another sniffle escapes and you wipe away the tears once more.

“It’s alright, Y/N. Whenever you’re ready, yeah?”

You nod, trying to ignore the confusion in your head and the butterflies in your heart when his hand softly grazes over your own.

“I saw them together… after my class. So, I wanted to get out of there, just ran away and ended up in some bar. Unfortunately, they had to choose that location as well and I overheard their conversation…”

He is still stroking your hand, attentively listening to every syllable you let out.

“I found out that way that this has been going on for five months, therefore he cheated on me and I got so angry, I spilled my beverage all over his head and–“

“You did what?”

There’s a proud smile on Jisung’s face but due to the countless tears blinding your vision you don’t see it.

“D-Downed my drink on him– fuck, I should really call him and apologise–“

“What?! Why would you apologise?”

Jisungs scoffs. He can’t believe you are taking the blame for such a disgusting thing your ex did. Your reaction is more than understandable. If he was in your position or even saw him do this to you, he would have done way more than that. That bastard deserves all of it.

“He’s… he’s probably got his reasons to choose her,” you quietly say, head hanging low.

“That fucking asshole cheated on you and you’re the one taking the blame?”

Jisung can’t decide if he’s more angry or sad—the dude has practically smashed your self confidence to the ground and stomped on it when you were already on the floor.

“I’ve seen her… You know her, too. She’s prettier and smarter than me anyway.”

Jisung does know your ex’s new girlfriend. After all he invited her to every fucking board game night after they became ‘friends’.

“Okay, Y/N. First of all, there’s no one smarter or prettier than you. Second of all, don’t put the blame on yourself. That’s something I noticed you’re doing quite often. I get that. I know where it’s coming from, but it’s not good for you. If people treat you like their doormat, you have to fight back.”

The synapses of your brain shut off for a moment. If that’s possible. Nonetheless, you can’t think straight. But, well, you’re never able to think at all if you’re around Jisung.

Did he… did he just say you’re pretty and smart?

As if one compliment wasn’t already enough to make your head spin.

“What are you saying?”

Jisung’s eyes hastily blink, a cough follows. He’s readjusting himself, slightly feeling caught but he knows he can turn the conversation around and maybe not make a complete fool out of himself.

“You should stand up for yourself,” he repeats.

“N-No… I know that, in theory. I meant the first thing… y-you think I’m pretty and smart?”

Fuck. He cannot turn the conversation around and made a complete fool out of himself as it seems.

“I–“ He takes a deep breath.

“Listen. If you were my girlfriend–“

Jisung stops himself again when he sees your eyes widen.

“He’s a fucking piece of shit. End of discussion.”

You hold back a giggle and decide to keep wondering if there is more behind those words.

Pretty.

Smart.

Both of it.

Wow.

You take another bite from the bagel—it’s filled with hummus and grilled vegetables—as well as the last sip from your water, before you place the glass back on the round table with a thud.

“What would you like to drink? It’s on the house,” Jisung offers.

He’s already standing up, still severly embarrassed, as he disappears behind the counter. You stand up too, approaching him as if it’s the middle of the day and you’re making your usual order.

It’s rare that Jisung has a shift when you’re here but when he ends up having one, he usually grants you the same nothing of attention as he usually does.

So, this is all so new. Him talking to you. Offering you another drink. Listening to you.

Gosh, you will never get over this stupid crush on him if he–

Fuck.

Well, it’s no secret towards yourself anyway. Hasn’t been anymore for a long time now. But you have always tried to not give it too much thought, knowing he doesn’t like you back.

However, your view shifts a little with these two words.

Pretty. Smart.

It’s the most mundane compliment. But sometimes it’s not that much about what you say and rather about how you say it. Just the way he accidentally slipped it between those other words makes your knees go weak.

“So, what would you like?”

His voice drags you out of your daydreams, bringing you back to reality—somewhat.

Caffeine would be nice.

“Can I have an iced coffee?”

Jisung grabs a fresh glass and the ingredients.

“Sure.”

You don’t know what it is, maybe the comfort, the fun, the general safety to be around him—which the Y/N from half an hour ago would have never believed exists—but you get a little more open around him and with this the urge to tease him grows rapidly.

“You’re not gonna ask me if I want anything with that? Like extra whipped cream, caramel sirup–“

He sighs. “Would you like some extras with that?”

It’s fun being like this. After all he deserves it for the things he’s put you through those past years and you're glad he takes it on the humorous side.

“What do you guys have?”

You’re playing this game perfectly, acting as if you’re actually one of his customers and Jisung gets reminded once again what a pity it is that his shifts are rarely at the same time as you usually enter the café. He could forget about everyone and everything else when you’re around.

But he catches himself drifting off again, it’s way more fun for him too, playing along.

“Ketchup and mayo,” he states.

You scoff but on the inside you’re fighting for life to hold back the immense laughter that’s bubbling up. But you won’t be defeated so easily.

“Okay, Han, forget what I said.”

He chuckles but at the same time pretends to be hurt, placing a hand on his chest. “Stop calling me by my surname.”

You click your tongue, leaning over the counter with your upper body.

“I call you what I want.”

Jisung ignores you first, instead focusing on preparing a beverage for you. With the angle he’s practically disappearing behind all the baked goods in the vitrine, you can’t witness what he’s doing exactly.

A minute later, he stops his actions and turns around towards you again.

“3500 won, please,” he says, looking at you with a fake, bright smile.

“You’re charging me after you said it’s for free?”

He chuckles again, “Only good girls get free drinks.”

Fuck. You feel your knees suddenly becoming all wobbly, as if they’re made of pudding, similar to one of the cakes they offered today at the café.

Han Jisung has always managed to make your head spin and it’s not different now. You’re afraid, though, that he will notice. You need to play along. No matter the cost.

“Okay, sorry, Sungie. Please, please forgive me. I’ll be a good girl for you.”

What has gotten into you, Y/N?!

Jisung tries to ignore what the begging of yours does to him and he’s quite glad that he’s standing behind the counter. Otherwise, you would see the outline of his immense erection that is growing inside his pants. Yes. Just with those few words.

Fuck. He’s dreamt about this so many times—your cute voice asking him to kiss you, to touch you, to shove his cock inside you and rail you into oblivion until you cum all over him.

“Fine,” he says and catches himself, preparing the beverage for you. Grabbing the ingredients, he gets to work as you wait for him, already sitting at the table again. Your drunk eyes hover through the café, admiring the pretty blossom trees. You’ve always liked the decor here.

Once he’s finished and this way awakens you from your daydream, Jisung heads towards you and places the glass right in front of you—an iced coffee latte with caramel swirls and whipped cream on top.

“Here you are.”

When he sees your questioning look, he adds, “I’m not gonna make you a new one. You mentioned these two things so I added them.”

You look at him again, a little apologethic.

“Thank you… it’s just– the milk.”

“It’s plant based,” he explains. “Therefore, lactose free. I know you don’t drink dairy products. Same counts for the cream.”

He remembers?

Han Jisung remembers a stupid detail like this although you’ve never told him? Which is, well, not surprising since the two of you talked more tonight than compared to all those past years combined.

You take a sip from the caramel iced coffee, humming a little when the taste spreads over your tongue and the sweetness helps you forget about all the bad stuff that happened today.

Taking your time, you gulp down the liquid at a much faster pace than usual but you can’t get enough. Your so-called enemy watches every move you make, while he drinks a little bit of his water from time to time, snacking on some bagel—one with mozzarella cheese, tomatoes and basil pesto.

It’s the first time you take in every detail of his appearance now, probably the longest you have ever looked at him—it could almost count as staring—which once again reminds you how beautiful he is.

Jisung’s hair has gotten much longer. But you’d be lying if you said you’re only noticing this now. You’re always admiring him. He’s pretty, handsome and attractive. You can’t deny it.

God. You’re a hopeless fool. Who falls for their enemy?

Well. Maybe we can finally agree that enemy is a little too harsh to describe him. Rather a frenemy. He’s never been a rival of yours, it’s just that there was lots of distance created between the two of you and the wall that has been separating you is finally crumbling down into a thousand tiny pieces.

You notice another thing now.

Jisung is wearing shimmering accessories that look like your favourite fruit and you have to ask him about it. In case it comes off weird you can just pretend you talked about it to find out where he bought them. Not that you would care about any reaction of his. Of course not.

“Wait– are you wearing cherry earrings?”

He nods, “Yeah.”

Great. This makes him even more amazing. As if you weren’t already doomed anyway.

And as if this isn’t enough, your appetite for your favourite fruit announces itself and faster than you’re able to realise that you’re speaking, the words are already spilling from your lips.

“Do you have… anything with cherries here?”

Jisung looks at you dumbfounded.

“Cherries?”

“Hm. I love them,” you say. “Just like the blossom trees. Whenever they bloom it feels like a new beginning to me.”

A new beginning.

Do you mean with him, perhaps?

Probably not.

Because you’re definitely still tipsy. A little philosophical. It’s normal. Jisung shouldn’t aim those words at himself.

Which is hard. Considering he’s had a crush on you for four years. Despite the fact you hate him and he’s never understood why. Sure, he detests your now ex boyfriend—but for a reason.

First, he saw all the red flags and the bad things that guy is up to. Although it hurts him seeing you like this, it doesn’t surprise him that your ex cheated.

Second, jealousy has always been taking over Jisung’s whole body, flooding his veins, demolishing his heart, whenever he saw him touching you or kissing you. At the thought of him on top of you, grazing with his hands over your skin and body, Jisung’s stomach turns.

But… yeah.

You asked a question.

Let’s get back to it, Jisung.

“Anything for you.”

No matter what he does. His precious voice is playing like a song on repeat in your head. Rose-tinted glasses are glued to your face. And everything just feels so comforting with him. As if you’re meant to be here with him. As if he's meant to be taking care of you.

As if the both of you are meant to be together.

Goosebumps. All over your skin. Even though it’s still twenty degrees outside and even warmer in the café. That’s it—the passion you were thinking about. Jisung has literally done nothing but just with a few little words and glances he manages to conquer your stupid little heart. It’s not even to blame on the alcohol—you’re barely tipsy anymore and it’s not as if this is the first time he has had this effect on you.

Fortunately, you’ve got enough time now to both drown in your emotions and observe Jisung preparing a drink for you from afar. He’s taken off his sweater and is now only in a tank top, showing his firm arms to you and you wonder if he’s doing it on purpose. But you don’t want to get your hopes up too high, although they look kind of realistic at the top of the cherry trees here.

A little later, Jisung comes back with a pink drink in his hand, professionally placing it on the table with a small thud before he sits down again.

“A sakura latte. But my own version with cherries at the bottom of the glass,” he says, his cheeks coloured in the same shade as the beverage.

“Thank you, Sungie.”

It just slipped out. The nickname.

And the thin rose tinted layer on his face turns cerise now, copying the fruits at the bottom of the glass.

But can he blame himself?

The odds have never been in his favour but tonight everything seems as if it’s meant to be, as if it’s destiny screaming at him to finally make a move. Jisung has been referring to you as his chérie in his head for some time now but he would never admit that.

It’s too weird—an hour ago the both of you still believed that you’re longterm enemies just to realise that you get along quite well. More than that. And on top of that, the intense desire, the utmost tension is still lingering in the air, increasing its density with each fracture of a second.

Your eyes hover around, when you get a little shy after Jisung has been looking at you for a sole minute. Your gaze hits the remaining sweets that were offered today when the sun was still up. Getting up, your feet bring you a little closer now, appetite announcing itself once again.

You read the little cards with names attached to them, as you place your index finger on the glass, pointing at the colourful cupcakes.

“The blueberry-vanilla muffins are called Little Sin?”

Jisung chuckles, “Yeah. Minho came up with the idea.”

This doesn’t surprise you. Minho—Jisung’s best friend and unofficial boss of the café—has always had the funniest ideas, his personality seems to work with a fourth dimension. You like him, he’s part of your friend group too, and the only one who’s desperately been trying to convince you to, first, leave your now ex boyfriend and, second, give Jisung a chance to at least become friends.

You’ve always wondered why. Especially, why you were supposed to approach him when you’re the one who gets ignored. But it makes sense now. Being with him has granted you more safety, comfort and excitement in a little more than an hour than all those years being with your ex combined.

You smile then, when you read the name of the other cupcake.

“And naming the raspberry-vanilla ones Hot Love was his impressive creativity, too?”

“Exactly,” Jisung says, laughing out loud.

“Of course. Should have seen that coming.” You turn around completely now. “Can I have one?”

Jisung instantly gets up from his seat, getting behind the counter.

“Of course. Which one?”

You tilt your head, your index finger tapping your mouth, as you try to choose.

“Hm… can’t decide,” you admit.

“You can have one of each, you know?” Jisung offers, until another idea hits him. “Or… we could share.”

“O-Okay,” you immediately respond.

A minute later you find yourself once again at the table, sharing the sweet goods. It feels so familiar and not at all uncomfortable. Jisung doesn’t make you shy around him, if any, he worms out the potential that has been slumbering inside you. You feel at ease, being near him.

“Jisung?”

Another half an hour has passed and the two of you have talked about almost every imaginable topic, realising you get along quite well when you both try.

“Yeah?”

He feels comfortable around you too and he wants to regret not approaching you earlier but it doesn’t matter when he sees you smile whenever he cracks the dumbest joke, when he witnesses you get flustered after a compliment or when he observes your eyes flickering around in the room, looking at the cherry trees.

“I’ve always liked the decoration inside the café. The blossom trees, you know. Who came up with the idea?”

Are you reading his mind, perhaps?

“Uhm… it was me,” Jisung confesses.

“You like cherries and blossom trees, too?”

Yes, but I like you more and that’s why I chose that theme.

Jisung decides to simply nod instead.

“We have more in common than I thought,” you say, downing the rest of your sakura latte as Jisung does the same since he made one for himself, too.

“W-We do…”

He gets a little shy now, even shyer than he usually is. But luckily, you’re the one taking the initiative now.

“Wow, we could have really become friends earlier if you hadn’t ignored me for the past four years,” you say, not really thinking about your words before speaking them out loud but that’s the effect Jisung has on you—you can be completely honest and share whatever appears on your mind.

“I-I’m sorry…”

Silence fills the room for a minute until you speak again.

“I just… I’ve always wondered why. It’s because of him, right?”

Jisung hesitates.

“Hm, I fucking hate that dude, to be honest. I’ve always had. But… with the way he treated you– I–“

“Yeah… he’s the worst. I seriously don’t understand how I stayed with him for that long,” you quietly admit with a forced smile.

“Please don’t blame yourself for this, yeah?” Jisung adds, reaching for your hand and you let him.

His skin feels so smooth and warm against your own, heating your heart up from the inside, similar to the sakura latte and the warm muffins you shared earlier.

“He… he always said that… that I make everything about myself. As if I’m some self-centered bitch,” you say.

You don't care if it ruins the mood or if it’s inappropriate to talk about your ex with the guy you… like.

But it’s different with Jisung. Besides that, you know how much he despises him, probably even more than you detest that piece of shit.

“You?”

You nod and Jisung squeezes your hand tighter when he sees the hurt swirling around in your beautiful eyes. God, he could get lost in that view but he absolutely hates seeing you like this. You deserve to be treated like a queen, worshiped like a goddess.

“Yeah… because I’m passionate about the things I like or when I engage in conversations I tend to share my personal experiences, that’s just how I show my interest and affection,” you explain, head hanging low.

Jisung’s other hand comes to your face now, placed under your chin, so he can tilt your head in an angle that you're forced to look into his eyes.

“Y/N, listen,” he begins, his jaw clenching at the thought of how much your ex destroyed your confidence. “You’re not self-centered at all. He definitely is, though. Besides that, there’s nothing more beautiful than listening to people talking about something that touches them or just makes them smile.”

There it is.

A smile appearing on your face again and you believe what he says.

“T-Thank you.”

“Not for that,” he reminds you once more.

“Jisung?”

His gaze shoots up from where your hands meet up to your face.

“Yeah?”

“Just so you know, I’ve never hated you either. If anything, I’ve always liked you and wanted to get to know you better,” you say.

And there it is.

A smile appearing on his face as well and he believes what you say.

You stay like this for a solid minute, enjoying the atmosphere.

Until a vibrating sound startles you, indicating you received a message.

You excuse yourself, grabbing your phone from your pants’ pocket. Opening the chat with your roommate, you reread your own text from earlier first.

[You 21:32]: felix are you at home?

You realise that you’ve never mentioned that you aren’t at home either and you’re glad about this now. Otherwise, Felix would have probably gotten a heart attack reading your words. At least you can tell he’s somewhat calm—despite the stress caused by his uni project—judging his message.

[Felix 🐥 01:56]: sorry for the late reply my phone died but i’m not coming home tonight, Hyunjin and I really need to finish that project, love you 💕

But fuck—it clicks then.

You will not be able to get home today. It’s ridiculous to stay up all night and what are you supposed to tell Jisung?

Jisung. Right.

No… that’s a dumb idea. You can’t ask him that.

“Jisung?”

His eyes find yours again, after you put away your phone.

“Hm?”

Deep breaths. It’s gonna be okay.

It’s weird isn’t it?

But it’s also two in the morning.

You will just emphasize you only have innocent intentions.

Well. Is that the truth, though?

You don’t want to scare him away but, again, you feel comfortable and safe enough to propose that idea.

So, that’s exactly what you do.

“I don’t want you to think I mean it in this way but– can I stay at your place tonight?”

Fuck. His heart skips a beat. Of course, you said you don’t mean it like that. But the sole idea of you being in the same room as him for more additional hours makes him absolutely excited.

“A-At my place?”

Shit. You already regret it. It’s in fact weird. A few hours ago you didn’t even talk to him and now you’re behaving as if you’ve been friends for centuries.

But the even weirder thing is that it actually feels like it.

It doesn’t help that you’ve had this incredible crush on him for such a long time now.

And it doesn’t help Jisung either that he feels the same about you.

“Felix has this important project and I forgot my keys inside the apartment and I don’t want to annoy–“

“Of course. Whatever you need,” Jisung interrupts you.

Despite the (not so) obvious feelings for you, he will not leave you alone at night.

“Thank you,” you say.

“Not for that.”

That’s the bare minimum again and Jisung will remind you from now on that you shouldn’t settle for just that.

“Are you already tired? We can head home, if you like,” he offers, when he takes a quick glance at his phone, realising how late it is.

“S-Sounds good.”

🌸

Jisung’s one room apartment is small but cosy. A tiny kitchen leads to a balcony. You can’t quite explain what it is but every detail seems carefully chosen, reflecting Jisung’s personality perfectly. It’s not as if he’s put lots of thought into the little decorations but maybe that’s exactly what makes you think of him—an insane intuition without any intention behind it.

“You can sleep in my bed, I’ll stay on the couch,” he says, as he points at the furniture.

“Don’t be ridiculous… there’s enough space for the both of us,” you tell him.

You appreciate the respect but a quick glance at his sofa tells you that not even an elementary student could sleep on it without breaking their neck.

“A-Are… are you sure about that?”

It’s almost cute that he’s become so shy again. That’s what’s fascinated you the most about him all this time. Jisung is versatile and still so predictable at once.

“Hm, it’s the famous trope after all,” you tease.

He looks at you dumbfounded, as he heads to the kitchen in order to bring water for the both of you. You sink down on the couch, reaching into the opened bag of crisps as if you’ve been here nth times before.

“Tro– what?”

Jisung plops down next to you, handing you the beverage.

He’s oblivious. You won’t tease him more. It was a joke after all.

Wasn’t it?

“Nothing,” you giggle.

Taking a sip from your glass, you grab your phone from inside your pocket and place it on the couch table. The screen lights up in an instant.

It’s just now that you’re realising you’ve missed a bunch of notifications since looking at your phone the last time when Jisung drove the both of you to his apartment a few minutes ago.

[idiot]: (8) missed calls

That’s when time starts standing still.

You probably dissociate for at least half a minute and everything becomes a blur. Since Jisung opened the balcony door, a breeze of fresh air enters and hits your skin but you barely notice it. The same counts for the sakura taste on your tongue, it’s still present but you can’t focus on anything right now.

“Are you okay, Y/N?”

You blink once. Twice. A third time.

Until you manage to turn your head towards Jisung.

“I… He– He texted me.”

He scoffs, his eyes growing wide, “God… that’s pathetic.”

“Hm,” is all you’re able to let out. You grab your phone from the table next, staring at the notifications. You’ve got a message from him as well but you need to open the app first to read it.

Fuck. What are you gonna do now?

The most rational answer would be to ignore it. But you can’t. Messages make you emotional although they shouldn’t. They get under your skin and pretty often you have the urge to immediately reply when receiving some risky text and then responding way too emotional.

Maybe Jisung knows what to do.

“Can you… can you help me?”

He gives you a soft smile, as he nods and places his hand on your shoulder. Jisung squeezes it a bit just like he did with your hand earlier at the café.

“You can always just ignore him, you know?”

It is the most rational answer. But you don’t want to be rational right now.

“Yeah… but I also always have that immense urge to have the last word,” you admit.

Jisung chuckles, “Very relatable.” The palm of his other hand is directed towards the ceiling now, telling you to give him your phone. “Let me see.”

You’re glad he doesn’t argue with you and just supports what you think is right for you. Your ex would have never done the same.

Jisung opens the messenger app and you both carefully read the disaster of a text.

[idiot 02:18]: Y/N… please answer… I swear it’s not what it looked like… it happened after our breakup 😔💔

“That guy… I doubt he’s even believing himself,” Jisung hisses, which makes you laugh a little.

You get back the device and start typing. Once you’re done, you press ‘send’.

[You 02:34]: stfu I overheard your conversation

“Yup. Very valid,” Jisung says.

It doesn’t even take another full minute for the next message to follow.

[idiot 02:35]: I am at your house with cookies and a bottle of wine… we can talk about everything… I’m not with her anymore 🥺😘

“He can’t be for real,” you mumble and at the same second get another one.

[idiot 02:35]: if i really think about it, i have only ever wanted to be with you, baby ❤️❤️🥺

“God… he is in fact fucking pathetic,” you laugh.

“What I’m saying,” Jisung adds.

You have a great idea what to respond and immediately start typing again.

[You 02:36]: if it was possible i would punch you through the phone screen

“That’s my girl,” Jisung mutters under his breath but you still hear him.

The three little dots appear on the screen before they vanish away again. They make a comeback and a second later you get bombarded with the following monstrosity…

[idiot 02:37]: baby… please. i’m in front of your house. why aren’t you opening the door for me? we can discuss everything 🥰😘❤️ and then get back together… I missed you 😔🥺❤️❤️

Jisung cringes. You do the same.

“God, the way he texts should have been a reason enough to break up with him, pretty.”

You chuckle. And ignore how the use of the pet name makes you feel.

Then you type something again.

Maybe without thinking enough but impulsiveness is still your middle name.

[You 02:37]: I’m at Jisung’s

“Y/N– I don’t know if that was such a good idea,” he says, a little bit of fear audible in his words.

“Fuck– I’m sorry– I didn’t want to drag you into this–“

“No, no. Not because of me. I think he will turn this against you,” Jisung says.

And as if he’s summoned it, his thoughts become reality.

[idiot 02:38]: Jisung?? tsk i should have known

“Fuck.”

“You don’t have to answer, you know that, right?”

You don’t have to reply and at this point you don’t want to anymore. Laying the phone aside is probably the best idea.

But your ex is faster to double text.

[idiot 02:39]: that pathetic loser has always wanted to fuck you… but i’d never expected you to be such a whore… I wonder for how long this has been going on

“Y/N.”

Jisung’s voice is strict.

“Huh?”

You turn your head around, looking at him. His jaw is clenched and there’s nervousness spreading all over his face.

“Give me the phone. Now.”

You obey his words, trusting him completely as you try to ignore the effect the tone of his voice has on you.

Jisung sends a message, hesitates and adds another one before he hands the device back to you.

You read the first one.

[You 02:41]: Jisung’s here. Watch your mouth before I stuff it with tissues. I’m just here for her and taking care of the mess you made.

You giggle. The tissue thing sounds like something he learnt from Minho.

You read the second message.

And your heart skips a beat.

[You 02:42]: Just for your interest: I’ve never fucked her, you idiot. But I can promise you that tonight I’ll definitely have her screaming my name ;)

Fuck.

You lock your phone and lay it aside, screen facing the table.

Your head is spinning again.

But this time in a positive way, if that makes any sense.

Does he mean it?

No. That was probably just to end this nerve wracking conversation.

Yes, you know now that Jisung is indeed not your enemy but wants to be your friend instead.

But that’s it, right?

On the other hand, you’re still thinking about the fact he called you pretty and smart three hours ago and that he said something along the lines of ‘if you were my girlfriend’.

But that was just to prove some point… nothing… nothing personal.

Right?

But fuck it.

You’ve never been so close to tasting everything you’ve ever wanted and although you’ve never believed in destiny, you know that all this can’t be a coincidence.

Now or never.

“I-Is it true?”

Jisung looks at you with those big doe eyes. God. Your heart could melt at the sight.

“W-What?”

Deep breaths, Y/N.

“That you have always wanted me?”

He shyly giggles. “Y-Yeah.”

Oh.

You wouldn’t have expected him to, first, actually return those feelings and, second, to confess it so quickly.

It grants you an insane boost of confidence.

Especially when you think back to the last message he sent.

Tonight I’ll definitely have her screaming my name.

You hesitate. But you don’t want to test the waters, you want the whole ocean right now.

“The other thing, too, Sungie?”

He gulps. “What d-do you mean?”

“That you’re gonna fuck me tonight,” you say, catching your lower lip between your teeth.

The boy instantly turns red, hiding his face behind the palms of his hands.

“Y/N– I’m sorry I– I thought that maybe he would stop text–“

“Because I’ll let you,” you cut him off.

His face appears again and where there was an absolute shy look a second ago, there are dark eyes now staring right at you with the utmost form of pure lust swirling around inside them.

“Say that again,” Jisung challenges you with a husky whisper.

“I’ll let you fuck me,” you admit. “I’ve wanted this for so long, too.”

He lets his head fall back and when he tilts it down again, you watch his tongue wet his lips first and then graze over his upper teeth.

“Are you kidding me?”

Fuck.

Have you gone too far?

You probably have.

You shake your head. “No. Of course, only if you want to–“

Jisung interrupts you by smashing his lips into yours.

You stay like this for some seconds—mouths being pressed against one another until he slowly starts moving.

And when he invites your tongue in, you can sense some hints of the sakura flavour from the beverage earlier since he had one of those rose tinted drinks too.

That’s when it hits you.

Cherry blossoms are blooming all over and around you. He tastes like your favourite fruit but even better. The goosebumps are back on your skin when he pulls you closer.

That’s it.

The passion you’ve been hoping for, no, that you have been craving all this time.

You want to turn back time.

Make up for all the missed years.

Or at least switch back to a minute ago so you can experience the feeling of his lips aligning with your own, sending the first spark through your whole body, for the first time once more. Over and over again.

Your initial idea with this was to deal with the tension but it’s about time that you stop denying and lying to yourself.

It’s not just that. It’s so much more.

You feel a little dumb for only fully realising now but Jisung is all you’ve ever wanted, ever needed—on every level imaginable.

And as much as you want him to take of each layer of your clothing, he has to know first that this means more to you than just a one time thing that happened in the heat of the moment.

“Sung– wait–“

He immediately pulls away. Jisung fears he’s gone too fast, too much, too far.

Fuck.

He wishes the first kiss between the both of you would have been in a more romantic setting. As cliché as it sounds—aligning his lips with yours while you’re standing under those pastel pink trees would have been a dream come true and what you truly deserve.

But can he really be blamed when his long-time crush asks, no, begs him to basically devour them like a five star meal?

“Do you want to stop?” he asks then.

You can see the fear in his eyes. That’s the last thing you want.

“N-No– it’s…”

But it’s hard speaking up about all those thoughts that are running at high speed in your mind. Especially, when he’s looking at you with his beautiful brown eyes that have gotten a few shades darker since the first kiss.

Fortunately, Jisung senses you’re just as shy to speak as he is but he still manages to initiate the conversation. He dearly hopes he’s not misinterpreting something. In case you regret what has happened so far, his heart will immediately shatter into a thousand pieces.

“What’s on your mind, pretty?”

You giggle when you hear the pet name. But you have to be serious now. It’s so important that you don’t give the wrong impression to him.

You want this. You really do. But you want this to be more after and not just a one time thing. Jisung is way too important to you and your stupid little heart.

“I don’t want you to think this is a rebound… I–“

“I know it’s not,” he cuts you off.

He’s got his truth now and Jisung can officially call himself the fucking happiest man on earth, if not even in the whole universe and whatever follows after that.

“How do you know?”

It’s hard to explain. But, subconsciously, he’s known for some time. Jisung’s insecurities simply have gotten in the way, telling him it’s just his imagination.

But the conversations you shared in the café earlier, the way you allowed him to take care of you, the fact you’re at his apartment now and, fuck, the way that kiss felt—filled with such a passion he has been craving for years, if not his whole life, convinced him.

“I’ve had my doubts for years and was sure it’s just my desperate feelings for you telling me you might return them but I know now you might like me just as much,” he says, adding a little teasing smirk at the end.

“H-How… so obvious?”

“You’re fucking obvious, baby,” Jisung continues, grabbing you by the waist and placing you in his lap and you just let him. “Maybe that’s why I’ve never given up. I was convinced you hated me, understandable, since I ignored you all this time and do in fact hate your ex.”

“Don’t mention–“

He places a strand of your hair behind your ear.

“Sorry. But do you wanna know why I’ve ignored you for four years?”

You look into his eyes again and you can already feel the secrets unveil themselves in a heartbeat. Although you seem to already know what he’s about to say.

“Why, Jisung?”

He gets closer now, his mouth dangerously near to your face, lips practically hovering over your skin if there wasn’t a thin layer of air separating you.

“I had to hold myself back. For several reasons”—a kiss on your cheek—“to not… sorry for the mention but punch that dude in his face”—a kiss on your jawline—“To ignore my own feelings for you. But, also”—a kiss on your neck—“to not bend you over the next surface, if I’m honest.”

You’ve always known there’s been utmost desire blooming between the both of you. A blossoming connection as bright as the leaves of your favourite tree.

And it feels exactly like this when Jisung aligns his lips with yours another time and you’ve never wanted to drown in a feeling this much before—he tastes like everything you long for. The sweetness of the blueberry and raspberry muffins. The freshness of the sakura latte. The comfort of the safety he grants you. The passion of the desire you have for him.

That’s why you allow him to take the next step, when he slowly pushes you down on the sofa, towering over you now. Jisung tugs a strand of your hair behind your ear, as he looks at you with the warmest smile this earth has ever witnessed.

But there’s no time to react or do anything, when his mouth collides with your neck again and as if you’re on autopilot, you spread your legs for him, allowing Jisung a more comfortable and intimate position.

One of his hands wanders up to cup your breast, massaging it through the fabric of your shirt and bra. In an instant, you prop yourself up on your elbows and Jisung seems to be able to read your mind when he helps you out of those distracting barriers.

He becomes that cute guy again when his eyes flicker down to your bare breasts and it makes you almost as shy as he is right now.

“Sungie… don’t look at me like that,” you say, covering your chest with your hands but he softly pulls them away.

“No, no. You can’t look as beautiful as this and then hide.”

You allow him to continue, rolling your eyes to the back of your head when his kisses meet one of your breasts. Jisung starts twirling his tongue around the hardening nub, while his hand is busy playing with the other.

A moan slips out of your mouth but you don’t even try to hold it back since there’s neither a reason nor a need for it.

“Sungie?” you call for him again when you notice something.

He looks up at you through his thick lashes, big eyes staring right into yours.

“Yeah, pretty?”

You giggle because of the name again, “You know, it’s kinda unfair that you’re still wearing your shirt…”

He chuckles and within a few seconds the fabric lands on the pile of clothes on the floor and your gaze on his upper body. You’ve always expected him to be on the more muscular, athletic side but this beats all of your expectations.

“Wow… you’re beautiful,” you let out.

Jisung shies away but you grab his face and direct it back towards you.

“You can’t look as beautiful as this and then hide,” you quote him.

That’s all he needs for his eyes to turn ten shades darker again and a few moments later, he’s carrying you bridal style towards his bed. Your body meets the mattress, the weight of it shifting underneath you and Jisung wastes no second to help you out of your pants, leaving you under him in only your underwear.

“Fuck… pretty,” is all he says, brain turning into mush at the sole sight of your almost completely naked body.

Jisung positions himself between your legs then, thighs lying on his shoulders when his mouth approaches your covered pussy. Even in the dim lights of his room, Jisung is able to witness the little wet patch on your cerise laces. He giggles to himself, before he lets his tongue collide with the fabric. Licking a long stripe over your hidden clit, he makes you arch your back because of this slightest touch.

And it’s enough for you to desperately, impatiently beg for more.

“Take them off,” you cry out, already freeing yourself from your panties.

With the most evil smirk to ever exist, Jisung helps you slide them down, leaving you naked on his bed for him and him only.

He dives back in, about to devour you like a five star meal, when his mouth comes in contact with your mound. Jisung starts with small little kisses, as two of his fingers painfully slowly spread your pussy lips apart and he could come undone untouched at the spot when he sees and feels how drenched you are.

“Sit up for a second,” he tells you and you follow suit.

Jisung is on eye level with you now, bringing two of his fingers close to your face.

“Open, pretty.”

You do as you’re told, inviting his digits in before you start sucking on them.

“Fuck…”

His eyes are practically glued to your mouth, watching how you take his fingers in and Jisung wonders how heavenly it would feel if he replaced them with his cock—which has by the way already been painfully hard since the two of you started kissing.

But it’s about you now. Jisung has waited for four years for this moment, being selfish is the last thing he wants.

That’s why he gets back to his previous position. In an instant, his tongue is back on your clit—this time without a layer of fabric between them—and his fingers are circling around your entrance, teasing you to beg for more.

Jisung hears another moan spill from your lips and it’s the most beautiful melody his ears have ever witnessed. He wishes he could record it, play it over and over again as a memory of tonight and all the following nights after this one.

“Sungie,” you call for him again, as you hide your face behind the palms of your hand. The anticipation is practically killing you by now, a feeling so intense it makes it impossible to hold back any longer.

“Need you…”

Jisung chuckles. “You need me, baby?”

His voice has dropped down low by probably two octaves.

“Yeah… your fingers, inside me,” you manage to speak.

Jisung follows suit, as he enters you, immediately feeling you clench around him. He lets out a moan himself now, before he slowly starts thrusting into you, stretching you so deliciously.

“Fuck–“

You arch your back when his tongue meets your sensitive bud again, drawing the prettiest movements around it, making you curl your toes.

Jisung lets go for a second, but keeps his fingers inside your tight hole as he slows down the pace.

“Baby?”

“Hm?”

He chuckles a little when he sees your fucked out face.

“Listen how wet you are, pretty. For me, hm? Only for me,” Jisung says. His fingers start thrusting faster into you now, as squelching sounds echo through the room.

“For you…” you whisper under your breath, before your head falls back again.

He picks up his pace, adding a third finger before he begins curling all three of them so he’s able to brush that certain spot inside you.

That’s it. The build up is getting more intense with each second that passes. You’re overdosing on pleasure.

“Sung–“ your words get cut off, when his tongue once again starts making out with your clit, saliva running all over it.

Jisung moans against your heat, not even thinking about stopping any time soon but it seems as if it won’t take you that much longer to reach that sweet relief.

“Come on, baby,” he encourages you, continuing with his movements like an expert, “cum all over my tongue and fingers.”

As if he’s flipped a switch on you, his demand turns into reality, when time stands still and the indescribable feeling takes over your body, possesses your mind and soul. It’s like a thousand sparks of fireworks, a million blossoms of those cherry trees blinding your vision when the sensation spreads through your core and gets welcomed by your whole system.

Jisung helps you ride out your high, his movements becoming slower when he feels the overstimulation kicking in. He slips his fingers out of your hole, giving your clit one last but soft kiss before he licks his digits clean from your essences.

He stares at you for a solid minute, waiting for the next move to follow from you this time.

But it seems as if he doesn’t have to be impatient, when you’re already sitting up again, pulling him closer by his neck, as you whisper, “You… you c-can’t eat me out like that and– you have to finish what you started, Sungie.”

He chuckles, before his lips crash into yours and you can taste yourself on his tongue.

“Then let me fuck you, yeah?”

You fall down on your back again, as you watch Jisung dangerously slowly fumble with his belt. The leather drops to the floor and he wastes no time to let his jeans follow. The tip of his cock is staining his boxers, a wet patch very visible for your eyes. It looks uncomfortable, almost painful, how restricted he is behind the fabric, the tent proving it quite much.

“Please– c-can’t wait no more–“

Jisung pulls the remaining fabric down, kicking it to the rest of the clothes and you gulp when you see him fully naked for the first time. The head is leaking precum, the length a little above average but the girth is probably what makes your head the dizziest.

“Let me go grab a condom real quick, pretty.”

You circle your hand around his wrist, stopping him from making a move.

“I’m on birth control. I’m fine without one, if you’re, too.”

He smiles at you, truly touched by the trust you have for him and it surprises him once again how the two of you used to be anything like this a few hours ago. Well, maybe it wasn’t ever like this. Maybe this is how it was supposed to be all along.

“Of course.”

His hands wander under your thighs then, as you’re still spreading your legs so beautifully obediently for him and Jisung pulls you closer, until your ass is practically right at the edge of the bed. He’s still standing in front of it, his cock back in his hand as he starts stroking it.

“You’re gonna beg for it, pretty. Beg for my cock, beg me to make you cum again, hm?”

Fuck.

How on earth are you supposed to survive this?

Jisung spits in his hand, smearing the saliva all over his length before he brings it closer to your pussy, tip slowly grazing over your clit which forces a moan out of you.

“Sungie– please, please, please,” you beg, just how he asked for it.

But that’s not enough for him.

“A little more, baby.”

Instead of finally sliding his cock into you, he continues teasing you, brushing it over your clit until the grip of his hand tightens and those soft movements do a one hundred and eighty degree turn, when his length collides with your clit, as he slaps it against your sensitive nub.

You let out the so far loudest moan that night, unable to wait any longer.

“Please, fuck me. I need you– need you to stretch me with your cock– need you inside–“

“Alright, alright,” he chuckles, “I adore how desperate you are for me.”

“Only for you, Jisung.”

And that’s when he pushes just the tip inside, your pussy walls inviting him in as you start clenching around him. Jisung takes his time with you, checking your face regularly but all you do is impatiently begging him for more. Centimetre after centimetre follows until he’s bottoming you out completely.

“You better be,” he adds, still referring to his possessiveness.

You usually don’t like it when guys act that way but it’s different with Jisung. It’s not as if he’s doing it out of jealousy but you’re aware he’s driven by his utmost desire for you.

Positioning your legs over his shoulder to reach that certain angle, he starts thrusting into you at a steady pace.

And, fuck, does it feel good. You’re convinced the both of you are anatomically made for each other, destined to be connected in the most intimate way to ever exist.

“Fuck– I’ve dreamt about this for years– fucking years,” he cries out in between thrusts.

“Feels so good,” you compliment him, more and more synapses in your brain shutting off with each second. But you don’t need to think right now anyway. All you need is Jisung to take care of you, pleasure you, make you cum once more. Over and over again.

You’re a little dragged out of your daydreaming, when Jisung slips his length out, earning a whine from you. He grabs you by the waist and turns you on your stomach.

“Ass up,” he says and like a puppy you follow suit like you always do.

A few seconds later, he’s stuffing you full of his cock again, pounding into your desperate hole at a merciless speed.

“You’re such a good girl– only for me, yeah?”

“Hm, yours, only yours,” you whimper.

Your head is buried into a pillow, as you’re drooling all over the fabric. Your eyes are rolling to the back of your head but that’s nothing new.

“Good little slut– fuck, I can’t believe I-I’m gonna be able to be inside that tight cunt every day from now on–“

“Yes, please–“ you cry out, not quite sure what you’re asking for but subconsciously the idea of having Jisung fill you whenever you need him is everything you’ve ever wanted.

“You’re mine, yeah? You get that?”

You slam your hand against the headboard, desperately trying to find some balance but failing miserably when Jisung rams his thick cock into your quivering hole like that.

“Yes, yes!”

He chuckles, “Good girl.”

And faster than you’re able to realise what’s happening, he’s got you in the previous position now, but this time Jisung is even closer. Your legs are thrown over his shoulders and his face is so close that he wastes no time to kiss you. It’s both once again so soft and passionate at the same time.

He’s still rutting into you although he’s lost some speed because his movements are getting a little sloppier too. Especially, whenever you clench around him, as two of his fingers are between your legs, playing with your clit to bring you closer to that sweet relief that you’re so desperately longing for

You bury your head in the crook of his neck. The beautiful marks you leave on his skin are destined to stay there for a while, like a tattoo that’s supposed to be a memory of tonight.

A few moans escape Jisung’s mouth. He pulls back a bit so that he can both stretch out the time until his orgasm washes over him and get a closer look of your face. He admires the few littles tears running down your cheeks, caused by the stimulation he is granting your body with his fingers, his cock and his words that follow next.

“You belong to me– I’m the only one who gets to fuck you like this–“

Fuck. You won’t be able to hold on any longer, you can practically already taste your climax again, when your cunt quivers around him.

“Hm, more– please– don’t stop, Sungie–“

So, he follows your instructions and Jisung watches how you come undone once more, this time much more intensely than the previous one. You fear you black out for a second when the white glittering sparks fill your vision again and you allow the feeling to take over you.

Jisung’s movements become even clumsier.

“Please– inside, Sungie– I’m begging–“

He lets out a moan at the thought of stuffing you full of his seeds. Jisung places another sloppy kiss on your lips before he can’t hold back any longer.

“Whatever my g-good slut asks for, s-she’ll get,” Jisung says, before his cum seeps into your aching hole, painting your walls white.

Everything after that becomes a blur and a few minutes later, Jisung has already taken care of your exhausted body, cleaning you all carefully before he puts you into some of his clothes.

He joins you under the covers a little later, pulling you close to him as he watches your eyes almost fall shut. Jisung adds a soft kiss to your forehead, simultaneously stroking your cheek.

“I’m happy you came to the café tonight, you know?”

You nod, “I’m happy that we’re finally on the same page.”

“It was getting exhausting, to be honest, pretending that I’m not interested in you,” he says.

You chuckle, kissing him on the cheek.

“Same here.”

Staying like this for a while, the both of you get ready for bed a little later until you meet in his bed again. Jisung turns off the lights, as he cuddles closer to you.

“We should get some sleep, pretty, so that we’re well rested for our date tomorrow.”

🩷 AUTHOR’S NOTE: I'm so grateful that I was able to participate in this event. It was lots of fun! Thanks so much for reading! If you enjoyed this story, please consider reblogging it and sharing your thoughts with me—there are no limits, from keyboard smashes to long essays, every kind comment is dearly appreciated and the number one motivation for authors to keep going. Have a nice day!

© j-0ne25 2023 | copying, translating or stealing my work is prohibited

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low quality lee know gifs » 2/?

shu porang porang linos

In my dreams

Seungmin x reader. (fake) enemies to lovers. my interpretation of in my dreams by tearliner, love X stereo.

Seungmin has never liked you. You never understood why, but you were slowly coming to terms with it. However, you gradually come to learn that there is more to his feelings than what meets the eye.

skz song series

cw: reader has anxiety and deals with lots of self-doubt and insecurities.

a.n: the end of our skz song series!! and a pretty personal final fic, this one is based on my own experience with anxiety, so it might differ for everyone :) thank you for reading as always <3

You watch, a soft smile on your face as two little girls play with one another in the playground. It reminds you of simpler times, when you could just walk up to another human and become friends with them instantly.

But reality is much more challenging, especially for someone like you, constantly plagued by their anxious thoughts.

Anxiety didn't tiptoe into your life, one drop at a time so you'd get accustomed to its overwhelming presence. Instead, you woke up one day and it barged into you, through cracks and dents you didn't even know existed in your being, and then it made itself a permanent home within the confines of your heart.

You never truly learned how to live with this parasite feeding off your soul, draining you completely until you became a mere shell of who you once were. You never fully adjusted to the invisible hands choking you from within, to the voice nagging you in the back of your mind, telling you that something horrible was bound to happen.

Because nothing ever went wrong, day after day, nothing bad happened. And yet, the feeling of dread persisted and lingered until you started to believe that the problem was you.

And once you opened the door to self-doubt, you could never fully close it again.

You're too overwhelmed, too nervous, too much of everything bad. Your conversations are scrutinized, down to every syllable you uttered, to the way you smiled and how you laughed. The interactions might differ but the regret that haunts you after is the same.

So, you diluted your being, in an effort to be more acceptable, easier in the lives of the people around you. You believed that if you pleased everyone you ever encoutered then at the end you must satisfy yourself too.

You sigh softly, drumming your fingers along your knee. You’re starting a new year in college tomorrow. Your first one wasn't exceptional by any means. Aileen, the girl who sat beside you from time to time was nice, and you grabbed coffee sometimes as you prepared for your exams together. But she had other friends, ones she's much closer to, ones she invited to her birthday party, ones who she didn't simply fill her free time with.

You shake your head, putting a stop to the thoughts in your head before they get too much once again, pushing you over an edge you don't want to be in right now. 

You'll try harder this year. You'll be okay, for once.

≋≋≋≋≋≋≋≋≋≋≋≋≋≋≋≋≋

Your professor Lee is scribbling something on the large whiteboard, as he waits for the class to fill up. Someone sits next to you, and the smell of their cologne wafts to your nose- hints of vanilla and wood seemingly calming down your nerves. You quickly take a glance at them, to find a guy with long brown hair and freckles dusting his cheeks. He's taking out his notepad from his bag, and you smile at the chick keychain he has on it. He catches you looking and you quickly avert your gaze, heat creeping up your cheeks. 

"Hi, I'm Felix," he greets enthusiastically, and you turn your head slowly to be met with his wide grin. It softens his features, making his eyes turn into moon crescents. You envy his ability to smile without overthinking how he looks. 

"Yn," you introduce back, and he nods, the grin still etched on his face. "You were in my Economics class last year, no?" he asks and you tilt your head to the side, as you mull over his question.

"I was but I don't remember seeing you," you admit sheepishly and he waves a hand in the air, not bothered the least by your words. 

"It's okay, I just remembered your presentation on Inflation. I finally understood why we can't just print more money," he admits with a chuckle, and you giggle against your will. 

"I don't blame you, it sounds like an easy solution," you agree, and his eyes widen. 

"Right! when I tell my friends they just stare at me in disappointment."

You laugh at his adorable pout, an unfamiliar warmth stirring within your chest. He's nice. 

"I'm glad I helped you then, I was so nervous presenting it," you clear your throat as he smiles impressively at you. "Really? I couldn’t tell at all." 

Mr. Lee calls for your attention and you both turn your heads back to the board. You couldn’t really focus, Felix’s words echoing in your head like a broken mantra- he couldn’t tell you were nervous. A sudden relief dawns on you at the possibility that, maybe, not everyone is aware of the neverending storm raging within you, threatening to drown you at any giving moment.

≋≋≋≋≋≋≋≋≋≋≋≋≋≋≋≋≋

"Movie night at my dorm?" Felix proposes as he packs up his bag, your two hours long class finally done.

"Will Seungmin be there?" you ask, a slight edge to your voice and Felix pauses, shaking his head at you.

"Yn, you're overreacting. I promise he doesn't hate you."

"Have you ever seen him smiling at me?" you ask, arching your eyebrow expectantly at him. He stays silent and you wiggle your finger in the air. "Exactly! Please tell me he won't be there."

"About that... He's helping me bake the cookies," Felix smiles sheepishly and you groan, falling dramatically on your seat.

"I’m not coming."

"But the cookies," Felix pouts, and the promise of the chewy baked goods is so enticing it makes you second-guess your decision.

"The cookies...," you whine, and Felix giggles grabbing your hand to pull you up.

"I’ll see you at 5?"

"Yes," you concede, a small smile on your lips. You wait until Felix bids you goodbye for it to finally slip from your face.

Seungmin has never liked you, from the moment Felix introduced you to him. You still remember it clear as day, the way his eyes slightly widened when they fell on you, before narrowing down. How he didn't utter a single word when Felix left you both alone to get your drinks. Your panic grew as an uncomfortable silence reigned on the both of you, and you racked your brain for something to say to cut through that eerie quiet.  

"Seungmin, right?" you asked, a bit too cheerfully, and you winced inwardly at your tone. He didn't reply, only humming back. It was so faint you wouldn't have caught it had you not been staring at him intently.

"What's your major?" Your voice cracked.

"Computer science." He replied curtly, and you waited patiently, expecting him to return the question. He didn't. And you shifted awkwardly from one foot to another. Maybe he just didn't do well with strangers. Maybe he wasn't a chatty person, to complement Felix's extroverted nature.

But you were wrong. You watched in complete astonishment as he teased Felix relentlessly, a wide smile on his face. It made his eyes soften, a newfound fondness itching itself on his expressions. He laughed and he joked and you felt yourself shrink more and more, this way he wouldn't notice you anymore, wouldn't glare at you as if you did something horribly wrong to him.

Felix tried to include you as best as he could in their conversation, but you tuned it out. It was hard to focus on their talk when there was a tumultuous one ongoing in your mind. Seungmin's behavior just further cemented every horrible idea you held about yourself. There is something wrong about you, and he can see it. You may have fooled Felix but you didn't fool Seungmin. If you were him you wouldn't talk to you either.

Every encounter with Seungmin since then left you feeling fifteen years old again, in a classroom full of unkind eyes zeroed on you. You tried to talk about his interests, to string along a normal conversation, one that would reassure that your first encounter was a wrongful impression.

But he did not like talking to you, only offering short replies in response. It’s as if his tongue was tied in your response, and in return it only magnified the knot in your stomach. You went through every conversation with him a million times in your head, trying to pinpoint what exactly went wrong. What warranted him to be so silent in your presence, and yours only, as if you weren’t worthy of a simple conversation. And the answer always tied back to you.

So, you’ve been avoiding him like the plague for the past month, sparing him the chore that is existing near you. It was particularly hard since Felix was his best friend and roommate, and surprisingly he actually enjoyed spending time with you. Still, you couldn’t help but think that it was only a matter of time before Felix started to hate you too.  

≋≋≋≋≋≋≋≋≋≋≋≋≋≋≋≋≋

"You're moving too much," Seungmin chastises and you freeze in your place at his words. You are sitting on the couch of Felix’s dorm later on that day, a horror movie playing in the small TV before you. Felix decided to lay on the floor, buried in a pool of yellow blankets, and a long pillow that weirdly had the picture of one of their friends printed on it. "It's my safety net," he explained and you didn't question him any further.

For some reason, Seungmin decided to sit next to you, instead of the opposing couch. Granted, he can see the TV more clearly from here, still this is the first time he willingly went somewhere near you, let alone talked to you.

You decide to ignore him, too focused on predicting the next jump scare, your feet tapping the floor furiously. But still, it happens so abruptly, eliciting a startled gasp from you, anf you clutch the edge of the couch even tighter.  

"Close your eyes," Seungmin speaks suddenly and you raise an eyebrow at him, confused. 

"There is a jump scare coming soon," he clears his throat, "just... close your eyes if you don't want to see it." 

You comply without much thought and soon enough, you can hear a shrill scream coming from the screen. He was right. 

"It passed," he says softly, and you tentatively open your eyes once again. There is a foreign expression on Seungmin's face, one you haven't seen before, but it passes as quickly as it came, like a dream slipping between your fingers as soon as you wake up. 

"How did you know?" you ask, hugging your knees tightly to your chest. 

"I already watched this movie."

"Really? Why are you watching it again?"

"Because. I had nothing better to do," he says, almost defensively, his hand now covering his mouth as if he had to physically stop the words from spilling out. 

You don't reply, turning back to look at the screen. Seungmin doesn't tell you when a jump scare is coming next, he simply taps your arm, and you close your eyes on cue. 

His hand brushing against your bare skin feels weird, not uncomfortable by any means, but it still is a foreign sensation. You didn't know he had such soft hands, and you always imagined them to be cold. But they are warm, and you wonder what other things about Seungmin you've been wrong about.

≋≋≋≋≋≋≋≋≋≋≋≋≋≋≋≋≋

"I'm so tired," Felix groans, laying his head on your shoulder and you giggle, patting his head in mock sympathy. It's been three months since the start of your year, which means that the assignments are starting to pile up on you all.

"Me too," you sigh, and Seungmin stays silent next to you. Felix dragged you both to this coffeeshop, a little outing to recharge his spirit, as he texted you. You're slowly getting used to Seungmin's brooding presence. He talks to you a little more, even cracking a few jokes here and there. But you’re still wary of him. You keep your guard up just in case he forcefully brings a mirror to your face once again, reminding you of everything you despise about yourself.

"I'll go order, it's my treat. Pick a place for us?" Felix says and you nod, walking ahead of Seungmin towards a table near the back.

You sit down first, and Seungmin follows second, sitting right across from you. You quickly bring out your phone, scrolling mindlessly through the apps to distract yourself from the man in front of you.

"You have a presentation tomorrow, right?" Seungmin speaks up, startling you, and you slowly put your phone down.

"Yes, how did you know?"

"Felix told me that it makes up 25% of your grade. Are you nervous?"

"A little," you admit, even though ‘a little’ didn't even begin to cover it.

"Don't be. You'll do well," he says, a hint of a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. You almost feel as if you've imagined it before it dissipates.

"Thank you," you nod, as Felix brings the tray down your table.

"Is this for me?" you ask tentatively, pointing to the strawberry milkshake, a sore thumb sticking out between the iced americano, and the hazelnut Frappuccino, Seungmin’s and Felix’s respective go to orders.

"They got the order wrong. I got you an iced matcha," Felix pouts, double checking his receipt.

"It's okay," you smile slightly. There was nothing you despised more than having to change up your order.

"You don't want to drink this," Seungmin says, staring at you expectantly and you wave your hand in the air dismissively. "I don't mind."

Seungmin stands up, grabbing the drink from your hand before taking the receipt from the table. He goes to the counter and you watch in astonishment as he comes back, a green drink in hand this time.

"Here," he hands you your cup, before grabbing his own and sipping from it. Your drink is cold, but the warm tingles spreading through your being at his sweet gesture outweigh any other feeling.

≋≋≋≋≋≋≋≋≋≋≋≋≋≋≋≋≋

Talking in front of 267 people never gets easier.

You memorized your presentation; you rehearsed it so much you could probably recite it with your eyes closed. Yet, the nerves still found a way to weave themselves inside you. Your hands were shaking, so much you couldn't even stare at the notes you prepared. Your palms were sweaty, blood rushing rapidly to your ears, tuning out your voice as you spoke.

You can’t even recall what you said exactly, it’s as if your body had a mind of its own, your mouth moving itself without you commanding it. You aren’t sure how it was, but someone smiled at you reassuringly from the first row, and the professor clapped, so you assume you did okay.

The class finally ends, your nerves slowly dissipating and leaving in their trail an excruciating exhaustion. You rub your eyes tiredly, as you slowly walk out of the door, before stopping in your tracks when you notice Seungmin leaning against the wall, hands buried in his varsity jacket.

His eyes are closed, a pair of earphones dangling across his chest. But then, as if he feels you looking at him, he opens his eyes, locking his gaze on you. You stay put in your place as he walks to you, his bag loosely hanging from his shoulder. He hooks his thumb underneath the strap, keeping it in place

"How was it?" he questions, and it takes you a few seconds to register what he was asking about. Your presentation. Was he waiting for you?

"I think I did well?" you reply, but it comes out more of a question to which he giggles softly.

"Are you asking me?" he teases and you roll your eyes playfully. "I did well," you repeat and he smiles, nodding a bit. "I’m sure you did. Here." He opens his bag, taking out your favorite chocolate bar from it- it had bits of caramelized pistachio and almonds in it. Seungmin doesn’t like it, he prefers plain milk chocolate, as Felix told you one day.

"Eat this, I ended up buying two by mistake, I still have an extra one at the dorm." You grab it from his hands, and he quickly leaves before you could properly thank him.

≋≋≋≋≋≋≋≋≋≋≋≋≋≋≋≋≋

You always dread the days you'd wake up with a heavy weight crushing your chest.

You try to distract yourself, try to focus in class and take notes. You try to laugh at Felix's jokes and savor the brownies he just brought you. But you can't. It feels as if you're a cup filled to the brim, each passing second bringing you closer to when that fateful drop would finally make you overflow. And you could do nothing but watch yourself unravel.

Seungmin's eyes never leave you, and it only makes your anxiety spike. It feels as if he's peering inside your soul, witnessing how a cord ties itself around your throat, making it impossible for you to breathe. You can't speak anymore, every word you say threatening to make tears spill out of your eyes. You aren't sure you can make them stop if they ever start falling.

Nothing happened, nothing's happening, you try to remind yourself. But you are scratching your hand incessantly, and you feel an overwhelming need to flee. To run away, somewhere where only you would witness the display of your broken soul. So you sputter a meek excuse, and then you stand up and head to your dorm.

It's raining outside, and you don't have an umbrella. But you are grateful for it, since the rain mingles with your salty tears, shielding them from the curious eyes of the people passing by. You need to get home, you need to hide somewhere and you need to remember how to breathe-

"Yn," a hand grabs your forearm and you startle, instinctively taking two hurried steps back. It's Seungmin. He removed his blue hoodie and he's now placing it over both of your heads.

"What are you doing? You'll get sick," he sounds mad, and you can't take his disappointed tone anymore.

"I'm having a bad day and I don't need you to make it worse," you say, startling yourself with the raw emotion in your voice.

He physically recoils from your words, his arms faltering as he gazes at you, a wounded look in his eyes. "I make your days worse?" he asks quietly and his voice sounds so small, you can't help the regret that courses through you.

"Come on, Seungmin," you chuckle warily, "don't you hate me?"

"No?"

"Hate is a strong word, okay. You dislike me."

"I don't. Why would you think that?"

"Because you never wanted to talk to me, from the moment we met. And it wouldn't matter if you were this way with everyone, but it's only me. And you make me feel so small each time I'm around you," you ramble angrily, as Seungmin's eyes widen with each passing second.

"Yn, yn, I don't- I didn't know you felt this way, but I don't hate you. I truly don't, I promise you," he's panicking, voice growing higher with each word, and you feel a sudden embarrassment flood your being for lashing out at him.

You don't know what to say and he sighs, looking up at the cloudy sky before meeting your eyes once again.

"This is embarrassing, God, um..." he places his hoodie on top of your head before running a hand through his face. "I don't talk to you because you make me nervous." 

"I do?"

"Yes. A lot," he chuckles, a pink hue tinting his cheeks. "I just... I find you very interesting, and funny, and I like watching you, not in a creepy way, my God what am I saying," he whines, hiding his face in his hands and you can't help the giggle that escapes your mouth.

"Don't laugh," he pouts and you nod, willing the smile to disappear from your face. 

"I like watching you exist. Just laugh and smile and talk. You look very pretty doing it. I just don't know how to deal with it. That's on me."

This time the smile is effectively gone from your face. The weight of his confession distracting you from the turmoil of emotions that swirled within you.

"I'm sorry, for making you feel that way. I never meant to. For what it's worth, you make me feel like a small kid again, as if I'm having a crush for the first time." 

A fresh wave of tears brims in your waterline, and Seungmin's eyes soften at the sight.

"Please don't cry," he says, gently wiping the rain droplets from your cheeks. "I don't hate you, I think I like you too much and that's the problem." 

I'm sorry I misjudged you, until you wiped my tears off away

"Okay," you say quietly, your mind not yet registering what he said, too busy focusing on his hands on your face. You can't believe you've ever felt invisible because of Seungmin, when he's looking at you like you're the most precious being in the world. 

"You had a bad day?" he asks, his knuckles brushing against your cheek tenderly, and you nod, silently. 

"Would you like a hug?" he asks, and you nod again. A hug sounded nice. 

He steps forward, wrapping his arms around you. His t-shirt is cold, clinging to his now wet skin. But a surprising warmth emanates from his chest, shielding you from the pouring rain- it travels from his body to yours, as if it's a familiar path, one it underwent a million times before. His hand finds your back, and he pats it gently, following a soothing rythme, one you try to sync your breathing to. "You did well," he whispers, "you always do well," and his words feel like a patch of shade on a scorching day.

You exhale softly, tightening your arms around his waist. You think you can stay here, for a while. You could rest in Seungmin, now and tomorrow, and maybe for the following months. If he still likes you this much. 

Bonus 

"I'm ready," Seungmin says, his soft hair tickling your bare skin. He's laying on top of your stomach, black tie undone, a piece of crumpled paper in his hands. You can tell he's nervous, with the way he looks up at the ceiling, avoiding your gaze. You lean down, pressing a sweet kiss to the top of his head. He closes his eyes, his hold on the yellowed paper slightly faltering.

"I'm all ears," you whisper, and he smiles softly at you, before looking at his written vows- the ones you decided to read to each other after your wedding ceremony, just the two of you, in your personal bubble. It feels much more intimate this way, they are words meant for you only to hear, after all.

"My love," he starts, and he can already feel the tears welling up in his eyes. He blinks repeatedly, in a desperate attempt to keep them at bay. "If I'm reading this it means I finally married you, which is probably the best thing I've ever done in my life." You giggle and he can't help but smile at the sound of your laugh.

"I am writing these vows one year into our relationship, I haven't proposed yet, but I just know you're the one I want to marry. And I suppose I don't want to forget everything I want to say to you, when that day comes." His words make your breath hitch in your throat as realization dawns on you- he wrote this three years ago, and he kept it safe, till this day.

"I still remember when I saw you for the first time. I couldn't talk because you looked so pretty, and you were smiling at Felix and I felt an overwhelming need to be the one you were smiling at. I think you cast a spell on me because I couldn't even ask you about your major back, I couldn't believe how awestruck I was. But you already know this, don't you?" He looks up at you, pressing a quick kiss to your stomach and you smile widely. You still remember when Seungmin recounted the first time you met, from his perspective. Rosy cheeks and fumbling words as he explained how much he felt for you in that instant, and how little he could express it.

"But there are still things I haven't told you," he clears his throat. "Like how Felix told me what horror movie he was planning to watch with you, and I looked it up the night before, to memorize all the jump scares just in case you were afraid. And you were, and I'm glad I did. I don't even like horror movies, but it was worth watching it three times in a row, just for you."

"Also, how I had to run out of my class to yours, so I'd catch you after the end of your presentation. I bought that chocolate only for you. I kept a stack of fifteen bars hidden in my desk, just in case you were feeling down, and you ended up needing it. I kept asking Felix about everything you liked, and disliked, and he was probably sick of me at that time," he chuckles, as memories of begging his roommate for any bit of information about you flooded his mind.

"I don't know how far into the future it'll be when I'll finally read this to you. I don't know how I'll be, or where I'll be, but as long as you're with me then I must be okay. I used to overthink everything, plan every part of my life so it'd run smoothly. That is until you came into my life, so suddenly, and you flipped it upside down. I didn't care to plan my life anymore, all that mattered is that it revolved around you," he pauses, sucking in a deep breath.

"I knew I wanted to marry you when you took me stargazing. You talked about the stars and galaxies so excitedly. And then you brought up Saturn; how it was unique among the planets, adorned with thousands of ringlets. And I remember thinking that you're my saturn, you're the dazzling planet that everyone admires and I'm the ring spinning around you, the one you're keeping afloat. And as long as you're here, I have a purpose and I'm okay. So please..." his voice wavers, as silent tears slip out of his eyes.

"Don't leave me. I know we're married now, but still, don't leave me. I love you. I feel like I've loved you in different lifetimes, in different earths and timelines. Everything can come crashing down around us, but one thing that'll forever remain the same is my love for you. I was made to love you, after all. My eyes were made to look at you, and my hands to graze your cheeks. And my heart... My heart was made to beat for you. And I love you. I feel like I don't say it enough but I truly love you. As long as I'm breathing then I'm yours."

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