My E-mails Inbox And Smooth Brain Are Graveyards To My Writing Ideas

my e-mails inbox and smooth brain are graveyards to my writing ideas

sounds like something I'd say

(x)

I feel like I’m falling. Not in the occasional positional vertigo way. The room and everything around me is steady, save for me. It’s like a rug has been pulled from beneath my heart, and I can feel it descend into an abyss. Like the epicenter of gravity resides within my chest and pulls me down from within. the way land feels when it caves in. like i can’t breath because my lungs have collapsed under the gravitational pull of the pole of magnetism that impales me. like the butterflies meant to reside my belly have escaped and fluttered into my chest. it’s not dizzying. it’s not dizzy. it’s a feeling of caving in, imploding quietly while everything around me remains, and everyone watches unbeknownst. like i could shrivel and compress into a single dimensional plane, thin as a sheet of paper, and no one would grieve my disappearance.

-penned by j. m. medna (2024)

i think a particular feature i love about tumblr, as opposed to wattpad or ao3, is that you don't obsess over the stats that show you how many ppl have read your work but not liked it. personally, that feature of ao3 and wattpad puts a damper on my creativity. it makes me hyperfixate on numbers as opposed to enjoying the process.

tumblr offers me a space to just create. if ppl heart it or reblog, then great. if they choose to only read it, great, too. I won't know the ratio of reads:likes and this way I won't overthink about all the ppl that gave my stuff a chance, but walked away. i won't try to decipher the reasons for that walk away.

i think i might try to write tonight!

turns on writing playlist

opens writing document

let me quickly open the pinboard for the story. i need to reconnect with the vibes.

opens Pinterest as a side-tab adjacent to the writing document

oh my god, i forgot about this song! how could I?? so under-rated!

gets a little carried away with the music, smiling cheek-to-cheek, scrolling quickly through recommended pins beneath the board

2 hours later, writing document sits at 2 words, playlist has repeated full-circle, Pinterest has grown boring.

frowns. not again! turns to tumblr to write about the "relatable" writing lore she just experienced

i'm a delicate mixture of mood writer and hoarder