Learn To Articulate How You're Feeling Without Accusing Anyone Of Having Bad Intentions. You Can Say

Learn to articulate how you're feeling without accusing anyone of having bad intentions. You can say "I'm afraid of being alone" without saying "you're just going to leave me like everyone else." You can say "I need some reassurance" without saying "you probably don't love me anymore." You can say "I'm afraid I've hurt your feelings and I'd like to talk it through" without saying "you don't even like me anymore." You can say "I want to spend more time with you" without saying "you've gotten tired of me." You can say "I feel misunderstood" without saying "you always judge me." Try not to let your emotions get the best of you. Have a conversation focused on finding solutions instead of escalating the conflict.

“Empathy isn’t just something that happens to us—a meteor shower of synapses firing across the brain—it’s also a choice we make: to pay attention, to extend ourselves. It’s made of exertion, that dowdier cousin of impulse. Sometimes we care for another because we know we should, or because it’s asked for, but this doesn’t make our caring hollow. The act of choosing simply means we’ve committed ourselves to a set of behaviors greater than the sum of our individual inclinations: I will listen to his sadness, even when I’m deep in my own. To say “going through the motions”—this isn’t reduction so much as acknowledgment of the effort—the labor, the motions, the dance—of getting inside another person’s state of heart or mind. This confession of effort chafes against the notion that empathy should always arise unbidden, that genuine means the same thing as unwilled, that intentionality is the enemy of love. But I believe in intention and I believe in work. I believe in waking up in the middle of the night and packing our bags and leaving our worst selves for our better ones.”

— Leslie Jamison, “The Empathy Exams” (via The Believer)

me: they hurt me!! I’m gonna be distant! that’ll show them!

them: hey

me: hey 💘💓💖💕💓💞💕💗💝💓💞💝💘💕💕💖💗💘💕💞💘💘💖💗💘💞💕💞💞💕💘💕💖💗💖💕💞💞💖💖💗💖💘💞💫

I cannot stress enough how important it is to speak up for yourself when someone is crossing your boundaries or dismissing your feelings. You are your biggest advocate. No one else can read your mind or feels what you feel.