Everytime I Go On Tumblr I Leave With A New Mental Breakdown

Everytime I go on Tumblr I leave with a new mental breakdown

The reason Ganondorf doesn't have nipples in Tears of the Kingdom is because I was left alone with him and I sucked on his massive man milkers until the nips dissolved from his titties like cotton candy in water

This cannot be a coincidence.

No offense but where are the male porn bots

Tag yourself

More inadvisable diegetic explanations for why your soulslike protagonist keeps coming back from death:

Something happened with you and Death that's made things, like, super awkward between the two of you, and Death has been deliberately avoiding you ever since. You don't like to talk about it.

A mad scientist who's experimenting with the reanimation of dead tissue keeps resurrecting you by mistake. They aren't even looking for you specifically – you just keep coincidentally ending up in their corpse pile, and they never realise it's you on the table before pulling the lever; they're extremely sick of seeing your face.

God has a gambling problem, and He made a bet that somehow requires you in particular to be alive. Every time He brings you back He's going double or nothing on the wager; at this point He couldn't stop even if He wanted to, because the consequences of cutting His losses would literally be unimaginable.

You're a rogue member of a secret society of anthropomorphic cat sorcerers who've conquered death by sealing the entire city inside an enormous enchanted box, thus rendering your dead/alive state ontologically ambiguous; your quest is to open the box, thereby making your erstwhile peers – and yourself – mortal again.

The sin that damned you to Hell was so fucking weird that there genuinely isn't a page in the big book of punishments for that, and it turns out that there's no particular mechanism in place to stop you from just wandering off and doing whatever while they're trying to figure out what to do with you.

You're actually playing as an endless series of eerily similar cousins out to avenge the original player character's cutscene-mandated prologue death, and that's why you need to go on a corpse run to get your shit back every time you die: you're literally retrieving the previous cousin's stuff.

Have you ever wondered what actually happens if you ignore the warning in the erectile dysfunction medication's fine print to see a doctor if your erection lasts longer than four hours? Well...

I've seen so many people say that this scene highlights JD and Veronica's homophobia, but I always interpreted it as the opposite? To me JD isn't making fun of Kurt and Ram for being gay but their fathers because he knows they would never have accepted them were they still alive

HEATHERS 1989 | dir. Michael Lehmann