Phone-kisser - RANDY™

so glad to be fixated on this show again. 2017 me going craaazy

Reblog if it’s ok for people to give you $599.99

everyones been asking me this. everytime i tell someone new im into dialtown, they always question me about the same thing! without fail! and so here it is:

WHAT I THINK EACH CHARACTER WOULD ORDER AT THE CHEESECAKE FACTORY

now why are they at the cheesecake factory? BECAUSE: in the dialtown universe, as we know, texas roadhouses were ERADICATED off the face of the earth due to health violations, and where else is norm gonna go for his birthday?

(most) everyone gets a DESSERT, DRINK, and MEAL in their order

HE ORDERS: the pumpkin pecan cheesecake (he attempted to order the carrot cake, at the cheesecake factory, at got side eyed), whisky & ginger, and steak diane. claims his mama makes steak better BUT whatev he enjoys his meal in his own disgruntled way

MINGUS, on the other hand, is VIGILANT throughout. she forgot it was norms birthday (& of course would never admit this), and was the one to offer to take him out and pay for everyone. just as powerplay. she sits across from norm, on the edge of her seat just WAITING to call over the waiter for the check. she orders the miso salmon, a red sangria, and 30th anniversary chocolate cake

i hate this thing. it cant read the 9 pages of menu, obviously, so the narrator is thumbing through for it and as SOON as he mentions this "impossible burger", gingi immediately gets an idea in its head that itll break the system & give it money BACK. refuses to eat it in fear of "damaging the goods" and also gets a ... bowl of vanilla ice cream

karen orders: louisiana chicken pasta, a strawberry infused margarita, and fresh strawberry. it just makes sense to have your drink & dessert match! she doesnt eat all of her meal & spends most of it tossing little pasta bits at gingi to watch it snap at it. otherwise Normal Sensible Dinner

oliver on the contrary, orders based off name alone. Chicken Parmesan "Pizza Style", the Well-Mannered Dirty Martini, and Adam's Peanut Butter Cup Fudge Ripple. he has to squash his disappointment when the waiter comes around and hands him his dessert without calling it by its full title

randy ATTEMPTS to get a kids meal, feeling weird about the bill all being on mingus' tab & he isnt around her much, so how would he repay her? just COMPLETELY overthinking it. so he doesnt have a backup for when he doesnt pass as 12 & is told he cant order that. so he PANICS and lands on something random... the loaded mashed potato omelette. okay. same with the coconut cream. he orders NO drink - instead, he gets water, and the waiter passes over him & he gets NO refills. (he goes to the bathroom sink when thirsty)

i like to think jerry gets invited to norms birthday dinner! he orders the cuban sandwich (pickles & all!), espresso martini, and pineapple upside-down cheesecake. it just fits

i WILL not accept constructive criticism, btw

Do you think you were an obviously queer little kid?