I Will Never Be A Morning Person, For The Moon And I Are Much Too In Love

i will never be a morning person, for the moon and i are much too in love

A Promise None Can Make

(Read on AO3)    

Sirius was crying. Real, heavy tears flowed freely down his cheeks, and each sharp intake of breath was followed by a drawn out, guttural sob. He felt as if he’d never breathe again. 

Remus was there, he always was. He got home from his mission to find Sirius screaming in rage and in despair, ripping things apart and throwing the fragile objects at the walls. Now, he held him against his chest, keeping him far away from the newspaper with the headline Remus would never get out of his brain. 

Two Kids Killed After Death Eater Attack

Below it, were individual pictures of Marlene and Dorcas.

Remus understood where Sirius’ rage had come from. How the prophet called them kids before calling them fighters, or heroes, or even by their names. He was angry himself at how they had individual school photos of the two people who loved each other so much, they would have wanted a photo with the both of them in it. One where they were really smiling. A photo that would make people remember them. 

The article explained it as if they had no chance, as if the Death Eaters had walked in and took them down in seconds, whereas Dumbledore’s letter, crushed in Sirius’ hand, explained they fought valiantly. Dorcas and Marlene killed the first five Death Eaters to break down through their door. They fought for hours, and when they lost, they lived through torture for much longer.

They killed Marlene first. Skeeter’s article failed to mention the fact that they were in love. Remus was angry about all of this. 

Sirius’ sobbing was making Remus break, but what was worse was the broken speech Remus could barely make out. 

“They didn’t say anything, Rem. Marlene died… made Dorcas promise her… wouldn’t say anything… even if Marlene was in danger.” 

Those words broke Remus. He made a crushed sound from his throat and hugged Sirius closer to him. 

He admired Marlene and Dorcas in those moments. Admired their strength, their love, and their loyalty. In that moment they became his absolute heroes, and he vowed to do anything to avenge them. 

“How did they know?” Sirius still sobbed. “How did they know to use her against Dorcas? We were all keeping it a secret, Rem. They weren’t even married yet.”

That’s when the reality of the situation hit Remus. The Death Eaters had used Marlene against Dorcas. They somehow knew Dorcas was secret keeper for the order, and even worse, they knew that Marlene was her weakness and they used it against her. Cowards in black masks, men and women sent out to do the dirty work for Voldemort, they tortured Marlene for hours in front of Dorcas, and offered her safety in exchange for information. It could have been so easy. 

Remus was certain, that if had been in the same situation, he wouldn’t have been as strong. He wasn’t capable, could never watch the one he loved die. But Sirius was stronger. He was secret keeper because he could make the right choice, if he’d ever have to choose between Remus or James and  Lily. 

“Sirius.” It was hard for Remus to talk, hard to use his throat for anything but crying. “Sirius, look at me, please.” 

The wrecking sounds ceased long enough for Sirius to face Remus, with a begging look in his eyes. Like he was asking for Remus to make it all better.

“Sirius, you have to promise me.” They were both crying again, but Remus knew he should continue. He had to tell Sirius. 

“We already know there’s a spy, we know someone’s giving them information. That’s how they knew, Si, it’s how they knew about Dorcas and Marlene.”

Sirius’ last look of hope in his eyes broke, and it almost killed Remus. But he had to get Sirius to promise him. 

“Someone told them to use Marlene against Dorcas. And they can do the same to you. Promise me, Sirius…”

“NO!” The scream ripped out of Sirius, and he looked more scared than Remus had ever seen him look in his life. The sounds Sirius were making now were strangled, frantic. He moved his hands to clutch onto Remus, gripping his arm and shoulder so hard it hurt. 

“Don’t you dare! Don’t you DARE!”

Three months ago, Remus knew he would have rather killed himself than know that he made Sirius so sad, and so angry. Now, he didn’t know what he’d rather do. Did he hurt the person he loved more than anything else, or did he risk the chance of James and Lily’s location being known?

In the end, he knew his life could never be worth more than James and Lily’s. It could never be worth more than Harry’s. His decision was made, and Sirius could see it in his eyes. It almost hurt more than the full moon, every muscle in his body trembling.

“Don’t.” Sirius whimpered, voice now quiet and defeated. It was the weakest thing he’d ever heard. “Don’t make me do this.” His voice shook, hard.

“Promise me, Sirius.” Remus held Sirius impossibly close, wondering if it could be the last time, if he was about to ruin everything.

“I can’t.” Sirius begged. “I can’t. I can’t. I can’t. I won’t.”

Remus closed his eyes, and gave Sirius a shaking kiss to the forehead. 

“Promise me, you’ll let me die before you give anything up.” 

“Don’t, Remus, please. Please. I can’t. I can’t promise that.”

“You have to. Voldemort might already know by now, and I’m not worth James and Lily dying!” 

“Then we’ll find another way!” Sirius shouted, pushing himself out of Remus’ hold. Remus felt blood on his arms where Sirius’s nails had been holding onto Remus like a life force.  

Remus fell to his knees, refusing to look away from Sirius, committing the eye color to memory. It was the most painful thing he’s ever done, but Sirius had to see that he wasn’t anything, that Remus wasn’t worth more than James, or Lily, or anybody.

“There is no other way.” 

Sirius turned abruptly, storming out of the flat, and it made Remus feel almost evil to admit to himself that it hurt more than the news of Dorcas and Marlene. 

Outside, despite the chilly air of late October, Sirius burned hot. He was angry, and he was mourning. Worst of all, he was in love, and it was his greatest weakness. 

Remus was right, Sirius could find himself choosing between Remus or James and Lily, and he wasn’t strong enough for that. He couldn’t loose any of them. He would never watch the man he loved, die for his brother and sister. 

Sirius wasn’t strong enough. 

He had to do something. 

He had to switch the secret keeper. 

Ah shit, they caught us.

Every bisexual is either-

a chaotic crackhead

a writer

has a god complex

does it make me gay if i just want a pretty girl to walk up to me, carefully place a handmade flower crown on my head, lovingly look me in the eyes, and softly kiss me on the lips?

How to find a boyfriend: by Bucky Barnes

Step 1: flirt with his sister