Im Doing Clean Ups With My Old Stuff And I Found My Stack Of Journals/planners Since 2010 And I Giggled

I’m doing clean ups with my old stuff and I found my stack of journals/planners since 2010 and I giggled as I browsed through it, it’s so young and expressive in a lot of ways. T'was fun to look at.

But, what really caught my attention is this mysterious folded page that I already forgot about in my 2014 planner. Opened and found it sweet because t'was my 2014 self that wrote just in case I stumble upon this one in present time.

And yes, I’m going to share the content:

Dear future Porshe, 

“You’re prolly wondering why the past Porshe wrote this for you. Well, right at this moment I hope you find what you’re looking for, that could be a success in career, probably love, or something else. But let me remind you of this day, you wrote this missing all what you’ve done before. I hope you’re not thinking of the same shit now though. I hope you truly moved on to the sad past of what ifs and endless road not taken questions. You deserve more, forgot about your worth for a very long time. But, I hope you didn’t get tired of searching for someone who will choose to stay no matter what. You’ve been tough and I hope up until now you’re still that, better if stronger, but capable of giving love to anybody. I’ve made a lot of mistakes before and I hope you got it right, now. I hope you’re in love or if not? Established, fulfilled, happy alone with your family and everyone else. Are you a graduate now? Cos if you are? I’m f-ing proudest, cos you earned it and I know you’ve been through a lot in between the time I wrote this to the time you’re reading this laughing, giggling or crying. It doesn’t matter. What about your shirt business? Is it on-going? Remember that was the dream? I hope you worked hard to make this happen. I’m pretty much excited to see you soon and I hope you don’t disappoint me once I get there. You know I’m counting on you. I’m gonna work harder and dream more after this because if I don’t start now, well, my other self tomorrow won’t do it too. Do you have your own house now? What’s it like? Is your family in good condition? Did you help Papa? I hope all of your selfishness is gone now. I’m hoping you’re a better version of Porshe compared to yesterday which is me. I hope you’re capable of challenging yourself in a different level. And I pray you haven’t given up. I know you’re in a better life. I hope you’re happy and contented. I wish you’re proud of me, too. I’ve come to realize that I needed to move forward because that’s where you’re at now. Love endlessly, hope and never forget to pray because I’ve done it a lot in the past and I’m sure it’ll help you along the way.”

Love,  Past Porshe

Cute, with a hint of sad on it. I like the part how I sounded really hopeful and strong though. Honestly, this is the kind of subtle reprimand I neede, gave a lot better impact because it’s from me. Lol, don’t worry old self, I’m all good in some aspects, stronger in a better sense (because I have to) although I’m not really in my greatest yet. Wait up, I’ll get there.

Timely, thank you.

What’s your fashion style? And how do you feel about it? Did someone already tell you that you’re baduy/maporma?

Not really living/following the trend life so I’m not sure if that’s considered baduy? To me, atleast, it’s not. If I’d categorize what’s appealing to me in terms of style though. I like the in betweens of having the french look, which is usually laid-back lang and the boho type get up. Overall, I Iike the comfy look I guess.

Combat boots over heels type.

An ode to self-apology. Apologies for the summer heart slowly turned to fall, to the unrecorded melodies of moments and unfinished wordplay of a song. Magnifying the lack, letting it win and repeatedly crying over the lesser ability to reach a dream. To the days the mind forgets to rest missing out the soft whispers of the heart. So as to the ideas that die inside, hands idle, blank.

Play in places.

Too young to feel older but kinda old to still play around.

Awkward age for an awkward free soul like I am. But, I don’t despise this life at all, maybe at times I do but the love for it weighs more. Twenty-six years of existence, still, I can’t claim to know it all. Funny, I thought adults know better. But in my own perspective, growth, literally is just a measurement of tolerance and deeper understanding of this whole temporary concept we call life. Wow, that sounds a lot like maturity? Don’t want to call it that, it’s more of an expansion of my other strong-front-but-completely-whacked-self kudos to the roads I chose to cross and cliffs I dived into which probably killed me close but hah, it didn’t.

It’s the same as the game play in animal kingdom. Survival of the fittest, otherwise, if weak, we get stuck, the universe will treat us as its prey and then we die, could be in literary sense or not. You know what I mean.

Fight anyway, risk anyway.

However, surprise!  I woke up this morning having all the urge to say what’s on my mind and since this has always been a platform of my personal liberation. I’ll find my way back to it, always. I thank the higher being for still giving me a chance to experience all these, even if I don’t get the point most of the time. Subtly learning it by pieces, crossing my fingers I don’t screw myself up, there’s a lot more figuring out to do. It’s inevitable.

I hope we all do well in life.

How many times do we have to lose ourselves in a lifetime? How far do we tolerate the lesser love we don't deserve? How often do we find ourselves not living the now? How rarely do we kiss the ones we adore the most? How much are we willing to do to take care of the lonesome? How greatly do we disregard the effect of a healthy affection?

How...... *infinite questions to shake us up if we're living this right*