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anxious

summary: drew comforting you after feeling anxious at a party.

warnings: mentions of anxiety

as the minutes pass, that twisting feeling in my stomach grows stronger. the music is sounding louder, and the air feels thinner. bodies brushing past, only making these feelings more apparent. parties have never been easy for me, but i can usually suppress my anxiety long enough to socialize. 

tonight has been particularly difficult. drew invited me to a party thrown by his hometown friends. nothing extreme; it was simply a house party with some drinks and music. the beginning was great; everyone was very welcoming. after the introductions were over and it came time to find a group, my mind began to race. overthinking has always been a flaw of mine, and it became very obvious in this moment.

for a while, i was able to stand off to the side and observe. i watched drew go up to everyone. i watched as they all lit up while he spoke. so interested in his stories and what he had to say. he reciprocated these emotions, giving everyone his full focus. 

i have always admired this about drew. his ability to make everyone feel comfortable and close to him. an ability i have always wanted. however, this eventually became old, and i worried someone would catch me staring.

finding myself on a random couch, i spoke briefly to the girl sitting next to me. she was nice and included me in the conversation, but i still felt like i didn't quite belong. after this, i needed a second to breathe. stepping outside into the cool air, my feelings subsided for a second.

not even five minutes passed before the door behind me flew open, i jumped slightly before turning around. "what's wrong, y/n?" drew asked, sitting down next to me. wrapping his arm around my shoulders.

"drew i'm okay, i just got a little overwhelmed. go talk to your friends," i assure, smiling up at him. he squeezes me a little tighter and says, "no we can go home, i've talked to everyone i wanted to." he begins to stand. 

i shake my head, "you spend a lot more time with me than you do with them. i promise i'm okay." his hand glides from my shoulder to my own hand, squeezing it. "i wouldn't want it any other way. if you're uncomfortable, we're going home."

giving him a weak smile, i say, "are you sure? i feel bad." in an attempt to make me laugh, he looks at me as if to say you already know the answer. "i've never been more sure about anything." he disappears into the house to say his goodbyes. 

almost immediately, he is back by my side. he interlocks his fingers with mine as we walk back to his car. drew holds the door open for me as i climb into the passenger seat. before closing it behind me, he leans forward, giving me a quick kiss.

he gets into the driver's seat wordlessly. placing a hand on my thigh after he pulls the car out of the packed driveway. “thank you, i’m so lucky to have you,” i say barely louder than a whisper, still feeling a bit guilty. 

running his thumb back and forth over my thigh, he replies, “y/n, i love you. i want you to be happy and comfortable. don’t ever feel bad for feeling anxious.” 

“i love you so much,” i say, laying my head on his shoulder. closing my eyes to take in the moment. i feel so safe.

for my anxious readers <3

dancing in the kitchen

summary: slow dancing with drew after a meal.

warnings: none, just a short one.

the kitchen was dimly lit by the ovenlight and the living room lamp, which was casting a small ray onto the floor. i was washing the remnants of tonight's dinner off of our plates, swaying to the quiet music in the background. tonight was particularly peaceful. 

a warmth spread over me from behind, and i felt a pair of arms wrap around my torso. smiling, i leaned my head back to rest against his chest. drew now swaying with me. the euphoric feeling was delaying the task at hand. 

“drew. i can’t finish the dishes with you distracting me like this,” i said calmly as i placed a freshly cleaned dish into the drainer. his body erupted into a laugh before moving his hands to my hips and turning me around. with me facing him, he replies, “y/n. the chores can wait.”

i roll my eyes playfully before drying my hands and giving in, as i always do. smirking, he forces me to continue swaying. moving my arms to his shoulders, i begin to run my fingers through his hair. 

moments like these are my absolute favorite. the faint music in the background, usually an old jazz rhythm, drew looking at me with his soft gaze. i couldn't ask for more. we stay like this for what feels like hours before we are pulled out of our trance. 

"why don't we head to bed?" drew asks, his sleepy eyes making my heart rate rise. "i want nothing more," i say faintly in reply. he breaks out his goofy grin before suddenly wrapping his arms around my waist and lifting me. i take this as a hint to then wrap my legs around him, giving him a slight peck as i do so.

he walks us to the bedroom like this. after laying me carefully on the bed, he collapses on top of me. with his head tucked in my neck, i reach up to turn the lamp off, and we both fight to pull the blanket over us. 

one hand is lost in his hair, and the other runs back and forth over his strong back. a content sigh leaves his lips. we fall asleep holding each other as if we'll never get the chance to do so again.

nothing special, i just thought it was cute <3

journalism at its finest: part two

link to part one is here, read it first!

summary: after getting a surprise phone call from drew, you are eager to finally go on your first date.

warnings: none

the next couple of weeks were met with sparse texts asking what our plans were for the day, when we would be off, what city he was going to next, etc. part of me had lost hope that we would get the chance to see each other. we were just so busy. 

my anxiety has since worn off. i realized through our short conversations that no matter how much he changed, he is still the same humble kid he was in high school. we have both grown so much, and though our careers are on opposite ends, i feel as if we can relate to each other. 

eventually, i decided to put my feelings aside and come to terms with the fact that drew will most likely remain a memory. soon after, my phone starts to ring. assuming it's a work call, as it usually is, i quickly answer. 

"good morning," i say into the phone, awaiting a reply. "good morning, uhm.. i know this is a little out of the blue and maybe not the best time, but are you busy today?" my eyebrows furrow, my mind racing, i pull my phone back to look at the contact name. drew starkey.

"if you consider pacing my apartment busy, then terribly." i can't help but cringe at myself. a light laugh comes from the other end of the phone: "well then, if you send me your address, i'll pick you up in around thirty minutes. dress casual."

i can feel the heat in my cheeks already. skeptical, i reply, "whatever you say, starkey." his smile is almost audible as he says, "i'll take it. see you then." 

quickly, i send a text to drew containing my address. almost immediately after i put my closet in shambles. the second i decide what to wear, i brush through my hair and freshen my face. 

my phone dings next to me as i am sliding into my shoes. it's a text that reads, "i think i'm outside." perfect timing. i grab my essentials and dart out of the door. 

sure enough, when i make it to the street, i see a very conufsed-looking drew sitting in his vehicle. our gazes meet, and we can't help but laugh. he quickly jumps out of the car to help me into the passenger's seat. 

"you didn't have to do that," i say as he gets back into his own seat. "i wanted to," he replies grinning, fastening his seatbelt. 

"now do i get to find out where you're taking me?" i ask as convincingly as possible. "absolutely not. sit tight," he winks. i can't help but roll my eyes, though we both know i couldn't be more excited.

the ride is filled with laughter and singing. i feel like a kid again, a teenager giddy over absolutely everything. it feels like no time before we're pulling into what looked like a field. i look over suspiciously. "stay right there," he says as he exits the car. 

i watch as he fishes something out of the trunk before making his way to my side of the car, opening the door with his cheesy grin still shining. i follow him around the car to see a blanket and basket. 

"how did you know i'm a sucker for cliches?" i ask, unable to contain my own grin. "hey, i've looked at your instagram a few times," he replies, holding up his hands for dramatics. my heart races at the thought of him looking over my social media.

we eagerly spread out the blanket and started laying snacks everywhere. i could tell he put a lot of effort into this, and wondered what he would have done if i had really been busy today. 

before we knew it, the sun began setting. we spent hours talking, laughing, and really getting to know each other. as we watched the sun set and the stars rise, i realized that i really dreaded going home. i hadn't had this much fun with someone in so long, and it was so refreshing. 

after minutes spent in comfortable silence, i spoke first, my voice coming out as nearly a whisper: "drew?' i kept my head toward the sky, but i could see out of the corner of my eye that his head turned to me. "i know it's a little soon, but will you come back to my apartment with me?'

finally, i looked at him. i was trying hard to keep a straight face, but his smile is contagious. "can we get ready for work together in the morning?" he's smirking now. "only if you're not treating your other interviewers like this," i shot back. 

laughing, he says, "don't worry y/n, you're like no other." making his way to his feet, he holds out a hand to help me up. as we clean up our mess and make our way back to his car, i feel an overwhelming sense of contentment. 

maybe i lied when i said i'd have it done quickly :/

masterlist

➳ valentine's day surprise

summary: college can be hard, so having a place to escape can be refreshing.

➳ journalism at its finest

summary: you have made a career for yourself by interviewing celebrities, but are feeling a little uncomfortable when one hits close to home.

➳ journalism at its finest: part two

summary: after getting a surprise phone call from drew, you are eager to finally go on your first date.

➳ dancing in the kitchen

summary: slow dancing with drew after a meal.

➳ anxious

summary: drew comforting you after feeling anxious at a party.

..she's a little naked right now

journalism at its finest

summary: you have made a career for yourself by interviewing celebrities, but are feeling a little uncomfortable when one hits close to home.

warnings: none

i nervously climbed into my car. the engine only makes my nerves rattle more. growing up, i was infatuated with actors and musicians. i found myself watching movies for the actors instead of the plot. listening to songs for the singers instead of the message. i can't explain my relationship with the media. i guess being online a lot as a teenager is to blame.

regardless, i knew from an early age that i wanted to work in the industry. not as an entertainer, but in the background. i wanted to observe the lifestyle up close. going to college for journalism was the best decision i have made for myself because now i get to live out my fantasy. 

i get paid to interview these people. and though i find a lot of them uptight and spoiled, the nosy side of me loves picking them apart. because of my job, i try my best to stay neutral on these celebrities so that they don't feel uncomfortable. apart from the research i do in order to come up with my questions, of course.

today is different. there is a show called "outer banks" that came around during quarantine, so with my free time, i binge-watched the entire first season. as i mentioned, normally i watch tv shows and movies for the actors, but i hadn't seen anyone in this show. 

however, when i delved deeper into google, i found the name of one of the actors to be familiar. drew starkey. i quickly found out that he grew up in north carolina, as did i. confused, i pulled myself from my cocoon on my couch to find my old high school yearbooks. grabbing one at random, i see him grinning in his senior photo. how could i forget? 

ever since i discovered this, i avoided the show like the plague. even though i had been surrounded by celebrities for years now, i had never known one of them personally. it almost ruined the glamorous aura surrounding them. imagining him as a regular teenage boy in the classes we shared was humbling. he wasn't mean in high school, not at all. if anything, i remember finding it odd that he hung around the theater kids because he was a total jock.

because of quarantine, i knew that press would be difficult for the actors, and because of this, i never anticipated having to interview them. which helped ease my nerves. moving to los angeles meant that i would interview every celebrity on the new up-and-coming shows. part of me hoped the hype surrounding the show would die down before the lockdown did.

the entire ride to the studio, i told myself over and over again that there was no way he would remember me. he was a jock, and i barely spoke. it wasn't the fact that i was shy, high school just wasn't for me. i counted down the days to graduation. i was only there because i had to be. i put more focus on my studies than my social life. 

in the back of my mind, i can't help but fear that seeing him will bring back memories of being the closed-off kid i was back then. as long as no one mentions it, everything will be okay. i repeated that to myself a few times before parking my car in the lot. removing my seatbelt as slowly as possible to buy time.

my hands are shaking as i walk to my studio. i send passing smiles to my coworkers as i make my way to the bathroom. i confirm that my hair, face, and outfit look presentable, and read over my questions one last time. 

the cameraman walks up to me as i take my seat to wait for the cast to arrive. "i just got a call; austin and drew are going to be the only ones you're interviewing today. madelyn, rudy, and  madison will be interviewed tomorrow," he says, looking for any sort of confirmation. "that sounds perfect," i say, smiling, still looking at my cards. 

i hear footsteps coming from the hallway and quickly stand up. austin and drew emerged into the room with their crew. "hello! so nice to meet you, my name is y/n," i say with a grin as i hold out my hand to them. they do the same, introducing themselves as they take turns shaking my hand. 

all three seats are now filled, so we can begin the questions. the first fifteen minutes go perfectly; we're laughing, they're thoroughly interested in the questions, and they're giving great answers. turning my attention to drew, i ask, "has this sudden change in lifestyle been difficult for you at all? to go from putting your all into basketball, to then deciding on theater in college?" 

he looks taken aback by my question. that nervous feeling in my stomach is slowly creeping back. i made sure that his sports background was easy to find online, so i was confident he wouldn't be too surprised. "wait a second. y/n? y/n y/l/n?" i can feel my cheeks flush at his realization. 

"can i be honest? i was hoping you wouldn't notice," i said, covering my face with my note cards. we are now sharing smiles. "oh my god. i sat behind you in algebra, you're the only reason i passed that class," he says in between laughs. seeing him in person has brought all of those little memories flooding back. 

after a minute or so of catching up, their team urges us on. "we've got other interviews, guys," the man says impatiently. we carry on for an additional fifteen minutes or so before i have run out of questions to ask. we said our farewells, and i thanked them for coming.

just as they were leaving, drew turned around, brushing past the guys they had walked in with. "y/n can i get your number? i would love to catch up properly whenever we both have time," he says, pulling out his phone. "yes, of course!" i smile, quickly typing in the numbers before they are once again rushed away. 

it felt like no time before my phone started dinging.

part two is here!

valentine's day surprise

au where drew is not an actor, but a barista? and in college?

summary: college can be hard, so having a place to escape can be refreshing.

warnings: none

monday morning. arguably the most dreaded time of the week. it was exceptionally difficult to pull myself out of bed this morning. i felt especially comforted by the warmth of the blankets wrapped tightly around me. however, the sound of my alarm was enough for me to throw the comfort out of the window as i smacked my phone angrily. i pull myself up, rubbing my eyes in an attempt to regain my sense of consciousness. 

i glance at the time: 7:36. the light in my closet nearly blinds me as i grab around for anything warm. i make my way to the bathroom, throwing my clothes on the toilet seat. when the warm water from the shower finally hits me i feel instantly rejuvenated. i carry on with my routine, getting dressed, brushing my teeth, etc. my professor cancelled my class for today, but i figured i may as well stick to my usual schedule. 

planning on doing assignments for my other classes, i pack my bag with everything i may need. throwing it over my shoulder and grabbing my phone, i make my way to the only thing that could save my sanity: the coffee shop down the street. cliche i know, but it has always been a goal of mine to be one of those mysterious girls who alternate between coffee shops in the city. 

actually, my mysterious girl fantasy is still in the works considering that almost every barista knows me by my name. i can feel my anxiety in the pit of my stomach as i see all of the red and pink hearts in the windows of every store coming and going. i am not one of those people who despises valentine's day, but i do worry my safe space will be crowded with couples due to the nearing holiday. i enjoy my time there more when it is mostly empty. 

when i step in the door, i am relieved by the warm air hitting my cold hands and face. i am also relieved to see that the crowd is no bigger than normal. my eyes then darted to see who was working today, and i immediately reconized the familiar smile behind the counter. "good morning, y/n," he greeted me as i made my way closer. my grin never leaves my face as i reply, "good morning, drew."

drew starkey. we go to the same university, but we come from very different sides of campus. i spend my nights studying for exams, and drew spends his nights going to frat parties and playing basketball. as much as i hate to admit it, i have grown quite fond of drew since our small talk in the coffee shop began. "do you want your old usual or your new usual?" he teases. i recently changed my order, and he was not happy that i threw off our routine. "new usual, please," i laugh, watching him playfully roll his eyes as he begins preparing my order.

"i have to say i'm shocked you're here so early," i comment as i lean forward, resting on the counter with my wallet ready. he lets out a quiet chuckle. "you have my schedule memorized? i'm flattered." now it's my turn to roll my eyes. "only because i'm here almost every day." "if that helps you sleep better at night," he teases. 

purposefully ignoring his comment, i grab the coffee from his hand, pulling my card out of my wallet. "don't worry about it," he says as he wipes down the counter where he had just prepared my drink. "drew, i'm not letting you pay for my coffee," i insist, handing him the card anyway. "consider it a valentine surprise," he smiles. "well, thank you very much starkey, i'll have to make it up to you," i wink, turning around and making my way to my favorite table. 

my schoolwork takes up about an hour and a half of my time. this time was also spent feeling intense stares in my direction. it was not unusual for drew to be flirty with me. i assume he is that way with most girls he comes into contact with, but the level of concentration he has on me today is new. i am almost uncomfortable. not because i feel unsafe, but because i immediately wonder what i have done to make him so interested. 

in my confusion, i slowly begin to pack up my things, and prepare myself to go back to my apartment. once again, i throw my bag over my shoulder, grab my empty cup and a few loose pieces of paper, and toss them into the trash can nearby. i look over to drew and give him a farewell smile. 

“hey, y/n, wait a second,” he says over the new crowd of people. i turned around curiously. “take this.” he’s holding a card in his hand. “what is this?” i tease, grabbing the card. “open it when you get wherever you’re going,” he grins, going back to his spot to wait on a customer who had appeared. 

i slide the card into one of the pockets on my bag and step outside, greeted by the chilly air. my curiosity is getting the better of me on what feels like the longest walk back home. when i finally see the familiar building, i am almost running to get inside. 

my bag thuds against the ground as i land myself at my desk. the card is still poking out ever so slightly. the ‘card’ being a folded up piece of paper. i quickly opened it to see drew’s messy handwriting. my heartbeat was getting quicker as i read his words: “to make it up to me, you could let me take you somewhere nicer than a coffee shop for valentine’s day.” his number was scratched at the bottom. 

the smile never leaves my face as i read the card again and again. my phone next to me, patiently waiting for his number to be entered. i decide against texting him until later in the day because of his shift. my thoughts race with wonder–had i made him nervous? is that why we shared so many awkward glances? 

maybe a date with drew starkey isn’t such a bad idea.

this is my first post please cut me some slack