WALTER MANOR?

WALTER MANOR?

Ok this is gonna be rambly bear with me. I don't blab about what I post here usually cos portraits and clothes whatevs, self-explanatory. But ARCHITECTURE, OK. I am so happy with this you don't even know. I've messed with sketchup a few times in the past with the intention of modeling locations in my stories but this is the first time I was motivated enough to power straight thru 3D's infuriating learning curve (I still can't function in Blender at ALL the interface makes me cry but I'll keep trying). I traced the elevation from the comic and the rest has been a series of educated guesses from what I know about architecture. It's pretty straightforward to figure out scale and floor locations based on window placement. I reeeally want to do the whole manor because it's fun to think about all the wacky stuff that must be in it and I'm seriously looking forward to the comic for exactly this reason. Seriously, where is Bebop.

So YEAH I totally want to do the interior, etc, but that depends on what Bunny and Sam share with us. Hint hint.

Hint hint

indigogrim replied to your post: Stuff like this is pretty livejournal ...

The more you practice performing and sharing your art with people the easier it gets.

Thiiiiissss is what I'm talkinbout tho? One would assume 10+ years of trying would be enough to tell if such a thing is gonna work out or not D: I'm reeeaally reaching right now trying to decide if it ever got any easier during that decade of effort and fffffnnnnghmaybe? BUT worth it? That I am even less sure about. Cos when I draw something and I finish I'm good. It's like welp, got a thing out of my head, done, satisfied. Might show a friend or two if they're online at the time. Its a little easier with fanart because fangirling and FEEEELS. But meeeehhh? WHY should I continue to push for it, is what I want to ask. I never got much reason other than because people wanna see? And that's not motivational enough?... sorry...? The inspiration to others thing is but again only sometimes because that's not whyyyyy I do this, so when I struggle to share and can't, then I just feel ashamed and as I said, I'm done with that. 

adrhaze replied to your post: 

You can always become a secret artist with a pseudonym and just keep yourself in the shadows while letting your work speak for you. The masked artist! Or maybe an agent? It works for banksy and a lot of writers.

I have totally considered a pseudonym! At least for writing, if I ever actually finished anything fff. For visual art I don't think Banksy is a good example, being mysterious brings EXTRA attention... (besides doesn't he have an entire crew helping him out...?) Musically I sure love Daft Punk's thing but man how much harder would it be to start doing something like that nowadays? Anonymity is kind of impossible. I'm already probably as secret as I could even be :C

Thing is though, I love musical theater best. Like I LIVE for Cirque du Soleil shows (only time something has ever made me cry just because it was so beautiful), and I did a lot of that stuff when I was a kid. But you really have to put yourself out there for it. Collaborating with a bunch of people to create something thats so many kinds of art all at the same time that no single person could pull off is just the greatest feeling. SO its easier when its a group thing too, a cast and crew can be a really supportive kind of artist family. I made costumes and props and magic tricks, I danced at festivals, I played in band etc. Stopped doing all that stuff publicly when I was 15ish for mostly angsty teenager reasons, though one year I did audition for a musical and that was the last damn time I sang outside of the shower or alone in the car and let me tell you I was ASTRONOMICALLY outside of my comfort zone there, woosh. (but I admit I wasn't satisfied doing ONLY crew cos I gotta daaaaance) After that I would say... a lot of things happened that made life a little bit tougher and I had to lean on my art for emotional support. I don't feel like sharing stupid life story stuff but I mean, maybe some people can at least relate to the idea that you might need oh I dunno, a stable life (one where you don't use up all your energy just trying to survive, for whatever reason. I mean this very broadly cos everyone has struggles) before you can do extra stuff like art. And art is usually in the category of extra stuff. When I had enough spoons left in the day to draw I still wouldn't have enough to deal with the kind of ridiculousness artists online tend to have to deal with. I hope I make sense.

Things are better for me now though which is a big reason this nonsense is on my mind actually.

I've been struggling with what feels like, to me, a severe chronic art block for most of my adult life. I can and will go MONTHS without drawing, sometimes farting out occasional barebones idea doodles, but sometimes drawing absolutely nada. When I was younger up until my late teens I had this burning drive to create ALL DAY ERRYDAY with ridiculously large body of work strewn behind me (so much that I have lost more than I've ever had and its still a ton), peaking very early in terms of skill level through the sheer brute force of practice and study... but burning motivations led to burnout. I don't actually blame being TOO driven to create (no such thing dammit!) leading to the burnout, BUT I think some forms of motivation are more sustainable than others. I was driven by ambition, belligerence, more than a little fear. Not so healthy.

I've learned that it's not simple laziness because the "draw anyway" strategy of overcoming art block has NEVER worked for me. The more I push through a block with sheer willpower the more miserable I become, and the only reason I create at all is because it's a source of joy! I have arranged my life in ways to protect this, and is a major reason I have steered away from turning art into a career. There are a lot of IRL factors that I don't really want to elaborate on here (depression is a major one, however), but art doesn't happen in a vacuum, and an artist's life has to have SOME stability in order to have the surplus time and energy to actually draw/paint/compose/write/craft. My own psychic resources have simply been too scarce, I haven't been able to afford to spend those resources on creative projects. Its a Hierarchy of Needs thing. Once Food/Shelter/Safety has been taken care of, I'm spent. There is no surplus.

Annoyingly, fangirling sometimes injects some extra energy and if I then also have the time I just start scrawling fan art uncontrollably (if the fangirling is intense enough you can bet I will MAKE the time! There is NO stopping The Feels). But it's a sugar high and as soon as it's over the art stops too, independently of my desire to actually FINISH anything either (this is the worst part for me, guilt and frustration are the sugar coma, tho the pattern did help me identify the various sources of creative energy).

I dunno how to sum this up. To make art you gotta have an idea. Then the energy to translate the idea out of your soul, and the time/materials to make the actual piece. The spark, the fuel, and the engine. My flavor of art block is akin to running on fumes. Most discussions of art block seem to revolve around the missing spark/faulty ignition. I don't know if this comes off as self-pitying I SURE HOPE NOT but! I do believe I know what steps I need to take in my life to do something about this, so. I'm working on it. Talking about this stuff makes me very uncomfortable but I think it's important. Plus this is an art blog and well, I guess I feel a need to explain myself when I don't post any art??

In the meantime I work hard to not be too mad at myself for lack of productivity (especially when I used to be disgustingly prolific) cos that's an energy-spending exercise not a refueling one.

Artists!! How do you deal with art block, or periods of depression? (Do you deal at all?) Researching my dissertation, scary stuff.

reblogging on the off-chance any artists who follow me haven't read this WONDERFUL post full of excellent advice. Its ALL here :D

Character design and drawing are tome-sized topics and even if I had all the answers (I don’t - I have a lot to learn), I’m not sure I could communicate them effectively. I’ve gathered some thoughts and ideas here, though, in case they’re helpful.

First, some general things: - Relax...

MAN I've just about had it with tumblr, this is the third time it's eaten my responses to asks and taken the original asks with it. It's happened on my phone and on my galaxy tab-I rarely use tumblr on my computer because my computer is for getting shit done! Plus I travel a lot so I guess tumblr app is still only good for checking my stupid dash. The last two I did copy and save the text so I'll at least be able to post SOMETHING when I get to my computer again. Tumblr suuuuuxxxxx

I posted on your deviantart.. I found a company on ETSY using your TEAM TARDIS image to make iPhone covers off of.

Man I know someone was using that pic for iphone cases on redbubble and selling them for FORTY bucks too. Possibly the same asshole. I dont even have time to deal with thieves cos when Im working my shifts are 13+hrs/day, many of the online sales services have convoluted and hassly reporting procedures, and its just a big game of whack-a-mole. I dunno, I'm always resisting putting gigantic hideous watermarks on my work but this is what'll keep happening if I don't. I don't make a living off my art so it hurts me less than it could, but people like this steal from anyone so that doesn't even matter. The irony here is the double-infringement of stealing fan art of all things! I've gotten requests to sell prints of that piece but I won't. And scumbags come in to fill the gap. I'm ranting I guess. I go long periods of time without sharing my work but stuff like this evaporates any regret I might feel. I honestly dont have the energy or time to deal with this stuff so I'm not sure what the solution is :(