Radiationyum - 𓆑

nothing bad happens until it does, so theres no use in anticipating. planning, maybe, though it rarely seems to do much good. you hear yourself talk about spiritual injuries, gods and victims how can something come from nothing? neither side can explain. maybe i shouldn't say how, (there is no answer to that question), but rather why. why did you climb the fence, evade the guards, jump into the clearly marked pit? why did you drag me in with you? now you've climbed out, and i still can't seem to find my footing. how typical of me i didn't know you would grow and leave me alone

when i say me, i mean you, the reader, or you, the writer, or you, the ever-present third person.

you're obsessed with the idea of disease, or the concept of an afterlife because who are you without your suffering, what can you feel if not pain? you've carved out a hole in the pit of your stomach to fit it, but, without realizing it, you lost the space for feeling anything else i guess that's why they call it gut-wrenching. a pit in the literal & figurative sense. at least a peach pit can sprout something sweet.

for the longest time, you've taken the pain of being nothing over the pain of being something now you think it's too late to make yourself feel human, to feel anything at all you think you'll just stay a coin locker baby, born to be left behind or the bleeding heart dove, god's second favorite sacrifice that's as good as you can get, you think.

you're well aware that you're doomed, every life is made to end. everyone can recognize an uncomfortable truth. but you hope you can go out with a bang, teenage dream found dead on the scene so your life can mean something, you think. suicide's a sin, right? god chose to make your life a living hell, but just wait for the real deal.