Jedidiah A A Martin Is A BITCH!!!!

Jedidiah A A Martin is a BITCH!!!!

I hope my disability inconveniences you. Fuck you.

I read too many wrightworth fics and now I'm studying to become a prosecutor, please send help

This is why fat shaming can have tragic consequences.

ROSE: Well, Dave, I made it, in spite of your directions. DAVE: ah rose DAVE: welcome DAVE: hope youre prepared for an unforgettable luncheon ROSE: Eh.

DAVE: aw fuck DAVE: my roast is ruined DAVE: but what if i bought fast food and disguised it as my own DAVE: delightfully devilish dave ROSE: Huh?

Dave Strider, with his crazy explanations The Seer of Lights’s gonna need her medication When she hears Strider’s lame exaggerations There’ll be trouble in town tonight!

ROSE: Dave? DAVE: rose! DAVE: i was just uh DAVE: stretching my calves on the windowsill DAVE: isometric exercise DAVE: care to join me ROSE: Why is there smoke coming out of your oven, Dave? DAVE: uh DAVE: that isnt smoke DAVE: its uh DAVE: steam DAVE: steam from the steamed clams were having DAVE: mmm steamed clams ROSE: ???

DAVE: rose my dear sister i hope youre ready for mouthwatering hamburgers DAVE: watering your mouth so much its like theyre a gardener and your mouth is a flowerbed DAVE: thats how much they be watering ROSE: I thought we were having “steamed clams”. DAVE: oh no i said steamed hams DAVE: thats what i call hamburgers ROSE: You call hamburgers ‘steamed hams’? DAVE: yeah DAVE: its a regional dialect ROSE: Uh-huh. What region? DAVE: uh DAVE: upstate new york ROSE: Really? Well, I’m from Rainbow Falls, and I’ve never heard anyone use the phrase “steamed hams”. DAVE: oh not in rainbow falls DAVE: its an albany expression ROSE: How would you know? You’re Texan. DAVE: whatever

ROSE: You know, these hamburgers are quite similar to the ones they have at Burger King. DAVE: oh absolutely not DAVE: patented strider burgers DAVE: old family recipe ROSE: For steamed hams? DAVE: Yes. ROSE: So you call them steamed hams, in spite of the fact they are obviously grilled. DAVE: uh DAVE: you know DAVE: one thing i should DAVE: excuse me for one second ROSE: Ah, of course.

DAVE: [pretends to yawn] Well, that was wonderful. A good time was had by all. I’m pooped. DAVE: well that was wonderful DAVE: a good time was had by all ROSE: I should- WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING IN THERE!? DAVE: aurora borealis ROSE: Aurora Borealis? At this time of year? This time of day? This part of the country? Localised entirely within your kitchen!? DAVE: yes ROSE: Okay, may I see it? DAVE: no

JADE: DAVE!!! THE HOUSE IS ON FIRE!!!!!!!! DAVE: no jade its just the northern lights ROSE: Well, Dave, something is seriously fucking wrong with you, but… DAVE: i steam a good ham? ROSE: No, Dave, you bought fast food and burnt the house down. But this sure was an “unforgettable luncheon”. JADE: HEEELP!!! HEEEELP!!!