razzek

Let me teach you how to navigate your way to defeat!

AO3 + FurAffinity + Patreon Blind cartoonist, writer, and general creative. Not sure what this blog will be yet but here I am. :) All my love to people who use alt text and describe images on this website! Art tumblr: razzekart

1670 posts

Razzek - Let Me Teach You How To Navigate Your Way To Defeat!

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Oh my god XD

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More Posts from Razzek

razzek

1 year ago

Jinna, a red headed Hedge witch, sits Tom Badgerlock (aka Fitzchivalry Farseer) down to have a talk with him. "Tom," she says frankly, "your face is scaring people."

"It is?" Fitz responds blankly.

"Yeah," Jinna says, and holds up a tear drop shaped amulet. "So I made you this necklace with my topiary powers."

"When you put this on," Jinna explains, showing Fitz a before and after diagram, "its magic will make you look sexier, I mean, more approachable. Here." And she places the charm around his neck.

When she looks up at him, Fitz has suddenly transformed into the hottest anime boy she's ever seen in her life. Cherry blossoms whirl around him, and the katakana sound effect for "shimmer" appears in the air.

"I don't feel any different," says gorgeous anime Fitz. "Is it working?"

Jinna moans, knocked backwards as blood spurts from her nose.

Fitz walks up the hill from Buck Keep town to Buck Keep castle, deep in thought as helpless passerby are suffering spontaneous orgasms and pregnancies from the force of his magic necklace.

"Hmm," he hmms. "Now where could Prince Dutiful possibly be? Behind the couch?"

(this may be the laziest panel I've ever drawn.)

Some lady in a sports bra (I think her name is Deleree in the book) leans back against a wall, sighing. "Whew!" she says. "Good workout, guy I feel neutral towards."

Nearby, Fitz is in the middle of pulling off his sweaty shirt. "Oh, now's a good time to use Jinna's charm to get information!"

Fitz uses the charm, and Sports Bra Lady is dazzled by an image of a droolingly handsome, attractively hairy man covered in sweat. A wolf howls at a swollen, sexy full moon as Fitz asks, "So... Have you ever sparred with Prince Dutiful?"

Before Sports Bra can answer, she keels over backwards, bleeding from the nose. "Not again," Fitz mutters.

"Sorry I intruded on your private space again, Fool," Fitz says with puppy dog eyes. "I'll probably do it again though."

"It's fine," the Fool says, annoyed. "I should have remembered to put up the baby gate."

"Jinna the bush lady gave me this necklace to make me sexier," Fitz says. "I don't know if it works, though. Wanna see?"

"Bush lady?" Fool says as he turns, then is hit in the face with the power of Fitz's magic sex charm. The Fool's hair blows back and his face is lit with a golden glow as if he's staring at the arc of the covenant. But before we can see what the Fool sees...

...the Fool is slammed backward into the wall, leaving a large, heart-shaped crater.

Fitz rushes over, calling his name; laying nose-bleedingly on the floor, the Fool mumbles, "it works."

two dragons, one blue, one gold, dance in the sky around a third, tiny white dragon with wings like a bumblebee's.

that's the end.

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I don’t even go here and this is killing me XD page three is glorious XD rad art

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razzek

1 year ago

Tonight on DnD: we were attacked by demon possessed squirrels and then an actual demon family (which included a freaky woodcutter clown)! That...was not what I expected to happen. XD

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razz rambles we actually survived! I'm not used to playing a vaguely charismatic smart character XD

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razzek

1 year ago