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Jason didn’t take the glass. Nor did he even consider moving towards it. He watched her sit down in front of him, listened to her opening the door for him to talk and –

“Turns out dying and coming back isn’t as inconsequential as they make it out to be,” Jason began, and he let his gaze drop to his lap. “I – I can’t remember a day when I haven’t been in pain since… then. Sometimes, like now, it’s just… gets worse.”

Like I’m being killed all over again.

It was as if a heavy weight had dropped into the pit of her stomach. She had been hoping harder than she would care to admit that her hunch had been wrong. 

After what happened in Ethiopia... Just the fact that Jason had come back in the first place - well it was all so impossible that - Leslie had just assumed...

He had been in pain the entire time?

“Shit...” Sitting back in the chair, Leslie gave herself a moment. It made perfect sense, yet she hadn’t seen it coming. If it hadn’t of been for Grace, she might never have. Part of her itched to run all the tests she could, to see if she could put whatever it was right. But even if Jason would ever tolerate it, now wasn’t the time. 

Her heart ached for him. He had been alone - dealing with all of this, alone again.

Damn bats...

Leslie’s voice was laced with sadness as she asked him, half knowing the answer already. “You didn’t think this was something worth mentioning to anyone?”

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Jason shrugged half-heartedly, absentmindedly fiddling with his water bottle. “He said I could talk to you about anything. If something was bothering me.” He eyed her briefly, before uncapping his drink.

“He said something about wanting to make sure I can ‘go out with a clear head’. You know. As Robin. I’ve been working really hard for it.”

So don’t fuck this up like you do everything else, Todd.

“That sums it up fairly well.” Leslie nodded, a warm smile crossing over her face. “It’s a chance to talk about anything really. And since I already know about Bruce - and what he gets up to of an evening, you can talk without having to worry about giving any big secrets away. Sometimes it’s good to have someone outside of our - immediate circle of people to talk to. And therapy give us a chance to explore ourselves and get to know ourselves a little better.”

“There are no wrong answers here. We just talk, and I might give you some things to think about or try from one session to the next, depending on where our conversations go.”

Crossing her legs, Leslie prompted him gently, picking up on the eagerness of his words rather than Bruce’s concern of something bothering Jason. “It sounds like you’re excited to be Robin.”

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Act normal.

Act polite.

Jason managed a smile as the therapist - doctor, Bruce said she was an actual doctor - let him in her office. She looked friendly enough, not as old as Jason thought she was going to be. Dark hair, an easy smile, despite the sterner set of her brow. She fit her office, Jason noted.

Warm colors, modern, but not skimped on comfort.

Functional. To the point.

No other exit.

No way out.

Jason shook her hand, fairly certain that his quick glance around could be taken for mere interest. “Good morning, doc,” he replied, hiding the fact that his stomach was in knots. “Nice to meet you too, hope all is well.”

“I’m very well, thank you.” Polite. Well spoken. All in all, a good first impression.

Spotting the curious look around the room, Leslie gestured to the soft, comfortable looking armchair towards the back of the room, facing the door. “Would you like to take a seat?”

Most people were nervous for a first session. Outwardly, the boy didn’t seem all that fussed but Leslie busied herself anyway, opening a drawer on the side so he could make the decision whether to sit or not without her directly watching. “I’ve always got a mixture of drinks and snacks in here, is there anything you’d like?”

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And that made Jason look back to her. Because he had pushed away all that had reminded him of her at first; it was too painful, too raw. Too much of a liability.

He was barely getting used to being able to feel safe again. Let alone remember.

“She was… Before she got sick, she always read to me,” Jason started, a little hesitantly. “Encouraged me to read as much as I could too, and do well in school. Said I might actually make something of myself instead of getting stuck in the Alley. She tried to care, and be nice, but she…” She ended up caring more about the drugs than me.

Jason’s jaw tensed, before continuing. “When Willis died in prison, and she got sicker, that just – it was just us, you know? I had to look after her. Be the man. But she… guess she was too sick.”

That amount of grief. His father - Willis, rather, and then his mother. In the face of it, it was surprising that the boy before her seemed so well put together. 

She fought against a pang of  her own sorrow for what he had been through. But this wasn’t the time or place for her own emotions. When she had first began working with the Wayne family, one of the few reservations she had, had been around how it might be more difficult to maintain the professional boundaries that were needed for the job. Being in the know, almost a family friend... It had the potential to compromise her role as their therapist. She was careful not to allow it to happen.

And again, education seemed to be a common theme for Jason. It was clearly on his mind. Something that was important to him perhaps. Leslie made a mental note to come back to it, but while they were on the subject, she wanted to try and get a clearer picture of exactly what Jason had had to deal with.

A soft, slightly sad smile crossing her face, Leslie tried to match Jason’s careful tone as she inquired further. “Can I ask, what illness did she have?”

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Jason’s jaw tensed a little, and he bit down his initial reaction by taking another sip of his water. Because telling this doctor that he knew all about the hurt adults could do, would definitely be a strike against him being cleared.

So he shrugged, lowering the bottle. “Doubt they’ll let me go off to university or something to become a doctor like you, ma'am. No offense. But I’m not afraid. And neither will I back out of a fight too,” Jason declared. “I’m tough. I know how to fight and how to look after myself.”

I’m not scared to get hurt. Not now, not when I can fight back this time.

Watching Jason take another drink, Leslie resisted the urge to take up her notebook. 

“It’ll take a lot more than that to offend me Jason, don’t worry. You do seem very brave.”

She had decided to leave it alone for this first session, in her effort to make a calmer and more trusting atmosphere, but there was plenty she wanted to make note of, things to circle back to at a later date. She would have to write them down after he left. 

Why couldn’t he go to university?

Face carefully neutral, Leslie dug a little deeper into Jason’s answer, choosing her course carefully. “Is that something you’ve had to do a lot of? Looking after yourself, I mean.”

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No wrong answers.

Right.

Jason fought down the urge to scoff, and he briefly hid his face by taking a sip from his water bottle. But the subject of becoming Robin? Yeah, that was something Jason could latch on to. If she reported this back to Bruce, he’d see that he was willing. And ready.

“Of course, I’m excited. Robin’s awesome!” he replied, eyes gleaming. “Batman and Robin save lives. They defeat the bad guys, and actually do something to make the city better. Why wouldn’t I be excited?”

Leslie let out a huff of a laugh at the enthusiastic tone as Jason spoke. The way his eyes lit up, he was talking about joining his heroes, as if there couldn’t be a better thing in the world than that. The kind of excitement a boy his age should have, but about this?

It was a very romanticised view of what would be a dangerous job if he were to actually be Robin. 

“Oh, I don’t know.” She shrugged casually, choosing to take his rhetorical question literally. “You’ve seen Bruce after defeating some of those bad guys, right? He gets hurt sometimes. Some people might find that a little frightening. I certainly would if it were me, though I can understand the idea behind it; One of the reasons I became a doctor was to do my part for the city - in a different way, of course.”

She wondered if Jason had considered the danger he might be putting himself in as she continued, letting her hesitancy show a little. “I know you’ve been training hard, but these are adults, with weapons and - well, plenty of them won’t go down without a fight.”