Temperature Control

Temperature Control

Me as a child: Why can't we turn up the heat? More clothes are stupid. We're inside! We have heating! We are gods of our artificial environment!

Me as a broke ass adult opening a hydro bill: Ohhhhhh.

I'm killing time by decorating my helmet with LEDs anew.  The lights on the Icon Variant Thriller lasted from December to May, which was when I crashed and had to retire the helmet.

So I'm sitting here sticking the lights to the peak on my Scorpion Exo and this church asshole keeps glancing over at me and I can tell he's dieing to say something.

 I finish up and he blurts out to the audio guy "There's no way that's gonna hold!"

 I calmly inform him it held last year.  And last year I used low tack green painters tape.   So by logic, the gaff tape I have now should be even better.

He's flustered for a second, then retorts gleefully "then you must not go very fast!" as he grins triumphantly at the audio guy again.

 "Yah, I mean, I've only got a 750cc Adventure bike so I top out around 180 (km).  Maybe if I could break 250  I'd work in more zip ties."

 He got mad and turned his back to me. And hasn't talked or looked at me since.

7:30 pm. -3°C. Ontario.

Getting paid to sit next to gear while a bunch of middle class white people present the story of a teen-pregnant Jewish middle-eastern refugee family.

By singing to synth music tracks.

But there's a real donkey and horse.

Me: *shows basic human decency to cashier

Cashier: ??!?! Thank you! You’re the nicest person ever!

Me: are you ok

Simple studio show, he said.

Hardly any tech, he said.

Then why I am at hour five of a solo focus/design session.

Needless to say the lighting area for the last show in here (one woman on an 8'x12' stage at a 1' height) was not sufficient for a three person production, on the floor, with a shipping trunk, 3'x2' slat box, coat rack, and canvas ship sail/projection screen.

So let's turn an 8x12 foot coverage wash into 24x20 playing space.

Hell yes I love this job.

But sometimes, seriously.

San Fransokyo is gonna get overrun with Heartless while I'm stuck here focusing tips.

Theatre Life Tip: Your Business Agent/Technical Director/Designer will always say "it should be easy" to coax you to take the call, because once you walk into the building, your soul is theirs. It's never "that easy".

I am "smol", as the kids these days say. I think. Short, scrawny, underweight, harmless looking. But also really flexible and agile and pretty darn good balance. So being height challenged I too often find myself straining to reach just another inch or two to secure some clamp or loosen some bolt or clip in a safety - and No, Anrita, I can't "just make the lift go higher" because there's gods damned structural steel in the way.

Net result is I'm constantly just jumping up on the kickplate of the bucket, or standing on the apex of an A-Frame, or any number of things that are giving other people heart attacks, and I'm like; "If I feel unsafe, I don't do it. But safety laws are also for the lowest common denominator. 50 year old, overweight white men with bad backs and knees." Just because Gary can't even imagine balancing on one foot with another hooked over a pipe and an elbow braced to the wall, doesn't mean I can't zip up like a squirrel and get it done.

And yah, there're been a few "I've wildly misjudged this" moments.

I may have been in a Genie lift working by myself once, and when asked "why is this taking so long" I pointed out I needed to come in, climb out, move the lift, go back up, repeat. Every five feet. They jokingly teased about an old worker there who would just grab the (wall anchored) pipes, brace his gut on the railing, and pull the lift around, while elevated. And then left.

About ten minutes later, already frustrated at the tediousness of it all, I thought to myself; "Hell. If Ronnie could do it..." So I gripped the pipe, braced, and tugged. The bucket shifted forward smoothly. I'm about 18 feet up, and expected more wobble or resistance, but it was really quiet easy. Surprised, and pleased, I pulled forward a couple more feet then went to let go of the pipe.

And that's when I felt the bucket sway.

Disclaimer: The outriggers may have not been in because FFS it was already taking too long. Always operate elevation devices with all required safety features in place.

So my hands, instead of relaxing, death gripped the pipe as I realized what was happening below me. I wasn't pulling the base of the lift along as I'd believed. I was pulling the bucket, and tipping the lift over. I ccaaareeefully retraced my path until I heard the "thunk" of the rear wheels hitting the floor again, descended, got out of the bucket, and spent about five minutes in a chair contemplating poor life choices.

TL:DR = Use your outriggers. But also acknowledge some people are just comfortable in possibly risky situations.

some of you never watched your life flash before your eyes while standing one rung higher than recommended on a ladder to hang lights and it shows