Good looking jerks. (DID DXed system. No endos, no TERFS, 18+)
128 posts
Ritzmob - Ritz Mob - Tumblr Blog
The crew’s reaction to Jack killing Karl
I truly hate the word "unalive." There are so many other euphemisms that fictional Italian mobsters worked so hard to provide you with and you just ignore them.
"surely im faking this," i think, directly experiencing all the symptoms nd not benefiting from it at all
wishing gender euphoria on all trans people, wishing for all trans people to feel at home in their bodies, to be absolutely and entirely in love with and at peace in their bodies
"Narcissistic abuse" is no more real than "borderline abuse" or "bipolar abuse" or "autistic abuse" or literally any other term that directly links a disorder to being abusive. Yes certain symptoms if left untreated can be harmful. But that doesn't make abuse inherent to the disorder.
People with NPD are not any more inherently abusive for our disorder than anyone with any other disorder, y'all just think ableism is suddenly okay when the words for our disorder are more heavily stigmatized.
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Alter Role Myth Busting: Trauma Holders
Part 3 of a series debunking the stereotypes associated with certain alter roles. Society has a lot of ableism toward traumatised people in general, and a lot of those stereotypes get pushed onto trauma holders. On top of that, there's a lot of general misinformation on how DID works that affects how people think of trauma holders.
Myth: Trauma holders are passive, submissive, and in a constant panic/fawn response when they front.
Reality: This is one way trauma holders can present. However, I've seen some people claim it's the defining trait of trauma holders, and that's simply not true.
First of all: there are multiple types of trauma responses. The stereotypical submissive and quiet or panicky trauma holder is an example of the fawn response. However, other responses include:
fight - this can manifest in the form of literally fighting off potential threats, or in the form of lashing out & and having anger outbursts due to trauma. this often overlaps with protector and/or persecutor roles, for obvious reasons. (disclaimer that alter roles do not excuse harmful behaviour, and neither does trauma - anger is a result of trauma in some cases, but that doesn't mean its ok to hurt people when you're angry)
flight - this can manifest in the form of literally running from potential threats, or it can be more of a metaphorical/emotional running away - desperately trying to avoid acknowledging the trauma, dissociating constantly to avoid emotions, (unconsciously) creating pseudomemories to cover up the real trauma, etc etc
freeze - the "freeze" response to threats is believed to come from the fact that some predator animals either have poor vision and can only recognise moving objects, or will assume a non-moving animal is dead and therefore not attack. therefore, a "freeze" response can manifest in the form of literal "freezing up" or catatonia, or in the form of other measures taken to avoid being noticed by potential threats - for example, being extremely quiet, hiding, etc.
trauma holders don't necessarily just line up with one of these responses, either - they can have behaviours from multiple types of trauma responses.
additionally - trauma holder =/= constant panic/trauma response. in order to explain this, i'll explain the concept of elaboration of parts, which, basically, refers to how differentiated an alter is from other alters in the system, or how many traits they have that are specifically theirs.
alters are as elaborated as they need to be - some alters have very complex personalities with many interests and dislikes, while other alters may only front to engage with a specific thing (whether that be having a trauma response to a specific threat, or to engage with a specific interest), and may not have many thoughts, opinions, likes/dislikes, etc that arent related to that specific thing
the stereotypical "constant panic response" trauma holder is an example of a trauma holder which is not very elaborated - they only front when triggered out by a specific trauma (or a reminder of that trauma), and don't have many thoughts, opinions, likes/dislikes, etc, aside from that trauma response.
however, trauma holders can be more elaborated than that! some trauma holders often front for reasons unrelated to their trauma, engage with things that aren't related to trauma, and have thoughts, opinions, etc that aren't related to their trauma. this means that they are not in a constant trauma response whenever they front.
Myth: Trauma holders hold memories or knowledge of trauma so that the rest of the system doesn't know about the trauma.
Reality: Trauma holders hold memories of emotions and sensations of trauma, and emotional aftereffects of trauma, so that other alters can be less severely impacted by the trauma.
It's very common (especially in OSDD-1b systems, for obvious reasons) for some alters in a system to be factually aware that they went through a specific trauma, even have memories of that trauma, and simply not have any personal feelings in relation to it, feeling like it doesn't affect them or like it happened to someone else. This is often called emotional amnesia, although it is technically not a form of amnesia, just a form of dissociation.
in fact - sometimes trauma holders aren't factually aware that the trauma happened! they may hold specific memories and emotions related to the trauma, but not remember or understand the context of what was actually happening. this is especially common in cases of trauma that they weren't able to understand while they were going through it, for example trauma that occurred while someone was drunk or on drugs. trauma holders can also have pseudomemories, which explain the emotional and body memories they hold while obscuring the true context of the trauma.
Myth: Hosts cannot be trauma holders - that defeats the purpose of a system, which is to protect the host from trauma memories.
Reality: Yes, this has actually been said to me, and yes, it pisses me off.
First of all: "host" is not a special or unique label - it's just the alter that fronts the most. Systems do not form to protect the host, but to protect the child who is going through trauma - the host is not that child any more than any other alter is. They are not the core or "original" alter, or even necessarily one of the first alters. They are just the alter that fronts the most.
It's true that systems have a mix of alters who are affected by the trauma, and alters who are unaware of or dissociated from the trauma, which lessens the way it affects them. And it's true that for many systems, the alters who are least affected by the trauma front most often - this can be a way of the brain subconsciously avoiding the trauma, by making sure alters who are affected by it aren't often active, and it can also be a practical/survival measure, in order to avoid being punished for trauma symptoms or the practical consequences of being disabled by trauma symptoms (for example, lack of income when unable to work due to trauma symptoms).
However, this is not always the case. There are examples of situations in which the brain would decide that it is better for traumatised alters to front the most - for example, if the system is currently in an ongoing traumatic situation, a traumatised alter may need to front throughout that in order to keep the system safe.
In addition, it's possible that a trauma holder can just be the most equipped to handle daily life - if they were previously host due to a traumatic situation, they may be more elaborated than the system's ANPs, and have more skill/experience in dealing with daily life. In these cases, if the existing ANPs aren't well equipped to handle mundane life, it may be better for a traumatised alter to continue acting as host than for the system to split a new host.
On top of that - in general, you should not be telling people that their presentation of DID/OSDD-1 "defeats the purpose" of the disorder. These are disorders developed by the unconscious minds of young children going through overwhelming trauma - they are not going to be well planned out in order to be beneficial and convenient in all situations. They are simply whatever was needed to survive. It's pointlessly invalidating to tell people that their presentation of a disorder "defeats the purpose" of having the disorder.
Conclusion
Trauma holders are often reduced to their trauma, and (directly or indirectly) given the message that they're not capable of doing or having anything other than a trauma response. This is ableist and anti-recovery. All traumatised people are capable of growing beyond their trauma. Even people and trauma holders who are extremely disabled by their trauma symptoms - to the point of being unable to work, unable to take care of themselves, or unable to live alone - are still people outside of their trauma, and it's important to acknowledge that.
Really wish we could go back to a time when movies were worth something as long as they were fun to watch
Like I mentioned the 2016 Ghostbusters reboot (the all-female one) to someone bc i had a lot of fun watching that movie!! And they were like “that movie wasn’t that good it was just a comedy… It didn’t win anything did it?” like bitch …. The first Ghostbusters movie wasn’t fucking good either but I’m still sitting here watching some dudes chase a ghost through a library to some weird synth music so maybe movies don’t have to win awards to be worth watching
*Italian guy throwing a blogger into a trash compactor while smoking a cigar*
there’s ya friggin’ man crush monday ya fucking computer idiot
AL PACINO as MICHAEL CORLEONE THE GODFATHER (1972), dir. Francis Ford Coppola
AL PACINO as BOBBY DEERFIELD BOBBY DEERFIELD (1977), dir. Sidney Pollack
Oof.
the traumatised urge to hide myself from the world and protect all that I am vs the healing urge to put myself out there and get hurt and love and grow and connect and share and feel embarrassed and do it all again and again and again
No see I wasn't "blatantly factually incorrect" you just weren't abusing enough stimulants to understand my logic
Whenever someone says - as praise OR as homophobic criticism - that Noelle Stevenson “made” She-Ra into an LGBT brand I think they should know that the lead character designer of the original was a lesbian who also said that the entire studio behind He-Man and She-Ra was “the gayest place in town.” And like, honestly, you look me in the eye and tell me a straight person drew a single one of these character’s outfits.
A SINGLE one.
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We severely dislike the term “parts” and actively avoid people that use it. “System member” feels much better and doesn’t make us nearly as uncomfortable.
Head mate would be nice if the endos hadn’t have made it impossible to love that term anymore.
[Text: This system uses the term “member” to describe people in their system]
Like/Reblog if you save or use!
Yeeeaaah deflecting your actions with “but I don’t remember doing that” or “that wasn’t me it was ___” does not equal an apology or an effort to address the problem.
Had this shit done to us by other local systems years ago, and they still haven’t grown up to this day. They’re all plenty self aware. At some people system accountability HAS to happen or you’re going to be stuck in the same shit your whole life.
System responsibility is a huge thing that comes along with having DID/OSDD.
You don’t get to shrug off blame by saying “that wasn’t me, an alter did it.” The body is all of yours and you and your entire system have to take responsibility for it.
Think of it like this:
- you go to a store and shoplift
-you get caught
-you get arrested
-you get put on trial
-you can’t use the defense of “another alter did it” because you all inhabit the same body
-you pay a fine/serve jail time
The truth of the matter is that all of your alters inhabit the SAME BODY.
So anything they do is going to be looked upon as you as a whole.
It does not excuse your words or actions.
Taking system responsibility means accepting what happened, apologizing for it, and working through a solution with your alters to prevent it from happening again.
I’m tired of systems using excuses and not owning up for what their system members do when it hurts others.
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Being the host of a system is like:
I am the manager of this business. I am responsible for 18 other people, and making sure that they get along. It is my responsibility to take the business in a trajectory that not only makes me happy, but suits everyone else, as well, because there's a catch! None of us get to ACTUALLY quit. You might be able to throw off your uniform and walk out, but there's nothing but the void out there, and you might find yourself in that emptiness for decades.
Not only am I managing these people, but I am also the face that all customers see, because no one is allowed to know that there are actually 18 other employees here.
Also, sometimes a stranger will walk into the place and throw on a uniform. I am not allowed to turn them away, or tell them they can't work here. All I can do is make sure they get along well. Sometimes, employees I love will walk out, and I don't ever get to know when they'll return.
Sometimes, an employee will take my nametag and uniform and pretend to be me to interact with customers. I don't always get to decide when this happens, nor do I get to decide what they do. I may not even get to be in the room. Sometimes this is helpful, sometimes it is devastating.
Sometimes, I will be stuck at the front counter even after closing hours. I will watch employees cycle in and out of the break room, unable to leave myself. This is also an unpredictable shift.
Sometimes the entire building is so noisy that it feels debilitating, but there is no quiet place I can go to. Sometimes, I want to work alone, I want to own this business myself, but there is nowhere else for me or the others to go. I have to suck it up, and learn to be okay with sharing.
But wait, there's more! At all times, there are at least three employees who are unpredictably trying to set the business on fire.
I don't get paid to run this business. I have run it my whole life, it IS my whole life. I love my job, and the other employees, but sometimes it exhausts me, and most customers do not understand. They are allowed to come and go from our establishment, after all, and they do not have to manage a secret business.
repeat after me: "persecutors are not evil and deserve love just as much as everyone else"