Like A Lullaby || TW

Like a Lullaby || TW

summary: all the weight of being the head of a large illicit organization fell from his shoulders when Toto got home. He wasn't a wanted man when he was with you and Jack, he was just your husband, father of your child. Being home, dealing with his worry and watching Jack sleep was sweet, sweet like a lullaby.

cw: Few mentions of criminal acts, family life, cuteness and Toto being sweetly annoying, mild anguish, but nothing too painful, small conflict, quick and smooth resolution.

a/n: no surprise there's another story in an alternative universe on this blog, everyone knows I'm a sucker for alternative stories, arrest me if it's a crime, and of course we would have mafia! Toto here, and I hope you love my new baby

He stretched his body, there was too much tension in his shoulders and Toto felt so tired, he was sure he would sleep for weeks if he could. He decided to take a shower in the downstairs bathroom and wore a sweatshirt, he didn't want you to have to deal with blood and bruises; by God, he just wanted to lay with you and sleep until the end of the world.

But of course, things rarely went as he expected, he might be king on the streets of London, but at home he was just a commoner, and fuck if that didn't make him immensely happy. Toto found you in Jack's room, you were sitting on the carpet, Jack was sitting between your legs, Jack had convinced you to read The Chronicles of Narnia to him a few weeks ago and the boy was obsessed with the story, Edmund was his favorite Pevensie.

Toto walked carefully and wrapped his arms around you both, taking the book from your hands. You smelled the still fresh soap coming from him and finally breathed a sigh of relief. Jack didn't mind the change either, it was a routine custom in the Wolff house, Toto kissed your temple lightly and continued reading exactly where you left off,keeping his voice in the tone that warmed you, giving you the feeling of home. Just under an hour, Jack was sleeping so soundly that he was making small snores, and he grunted when Toto moved him to the bed, you covered the boy with the comforter and he placed his favorite stuffed animal on the corner of the bed, Jack rolled over until he was comfortable and continued sleeping.

"Good job, husband, you're good at being a father." You said, resting your head on his arm, Toto wrapped his arms around you, watching Jack sleep peacefully.

"Isn't it? I'm getting good at this, I think I can change careers, I think I'd be a great family coach, what do you think?" he said with false arrogance. You covered your mouth, stifling your laugh. "I'm serious, I'm going to write a script and think about some speeches."

"Of course, I think people will love it, seeing a wanted man lecturing on how to be a good father."

You turned on the night light and the two of you left Jack's room, closing the door carefully as you went to your suite. "If you took a shower downstairs, things were bad today, weren't they?"

Toto looked at you sideways, not wanting to answer you, but as soon as you entered the room, you stopped in front of him and waited for his answer.

"Okay, they didn't turn out as I expected, but don't worry, don't get involved, let me deal with the bad stuff" Toto kissed your forehead, trying to dissuade you, even though he knew it was a losing battle; you were always aware of Toto's shady dealings, you married him knowing that your husband was a wanted man and involved in illicit things. And honestly? Everything was fine, Toto had promised to keep things away from you and Jack, you always knew on what terms your husband lived.

"Do you have any injuries? Did you get hurt?" You tried to lift his shirt to see if there were any bruises or anything, but Toto hugged you and laughed.

"I'm fine, schatzi, there's nothing that needs stitches or bandages, relax" he assured, kissing her face. "you worry for nothing"

You rolled your eyes, slapping his chest, which only made Toto laugh and rub the area he hit.

"You know I'll never chill with you on the streets, so don't ask me to take it easy, okay? You crossed your arms and made your lip stick out in a pout, which he couldn't resist kissing. "Don't try to soften me up, Torger. I may not meddle in your business, but that doesn't mean I won't worry, so don't tell me to relax."

Toto stepped back a little, seeing the wrinkle between his eyebrows increase.

"You deal with dangerous things every day, when you walk out that door, I don't know what the rest of the day will be like" she said quickly, gesturing a lot, Toto sat on the edge of the bed and pulled you to stand between his legs "I don't know what to expect, maybe I'll come back from work and find Lewis and Nico with bad news, or the police, I don't know! I take Jack to school thinking about how I would tell him if something happened to you, how I would deal with him, how I would deal with it!"

Toto knew it would be cruel to say that you knew all this when you agreed to marry him, you never judged him, you never reprimanded the type of work he had, you just accepted all the burden that came with it and loved it, and continued to love it unconditionally. He couldn't rebuke your concern, you had a son and it would all be on your shoulders if something happened to him, your concern was valid, your fear was valid and he needed to be fair with all of this and with you.

"I know, I'm also afraid of not coming home, of leaving you two alone and I work hard to come back every day, even though I'm all fucked up in pain, I'll still be here for you, even if I drag myself, I won't leave my family."

He rested his hands on your hips, making circles on your skin under your pajamas, you were still distressed.

"I promised I'd be here for you and Jack, and I'll keep that."

"I know I'm acting dramatic and everything, but..."

"It's okay, I know you're worried and I like that you worry about me."

"Toto!"

He laughed, making you sit on his thigh "You know honey, I'm a tough guy, no one's going to take me down that easy, You'll still have to buy me a lot of rye bread and you'll wake up completely wrapped in my arms." he assured. "Trust me, I will always come back to you."

You remained silent, enjoying the calm of the night, shaken only by your breathing.

His calloused palms ran across your skin, spreading warmth and a feeling of familiarity, giving you comfort. "I knew that when I married you and I may be being hypocritical for being worried... I'm just afraid."

"It's okay, there's no need to apologize, you handle this better than I imagined and I knew that after five years together, you would reach the limit at some point." Toto confessed. "Relax."

You nodded, feeling all the tiredness of the day accumulate, urgently needing long hours of sleep.

"Come on Mrs. Wolff, you need to sleep."

"I'm not going to object to that, I'm really tired" Toto picked you up and placed you on the bed, covering you before laying down next to you, he made sure to snuggle you against him, humming a lullaby that his mother sang when he was younger. Toto would give everything he had to make sure you were safe, that Jack wouldn't be afraid, he worked hard for that, he made people fear his name to guarantee your peace and tranquility. He would be the bad guy in the story, if all this left you and Jack safe and sound.

He would be the villain in people's stories, that was fine, he could handle it, anything went for his family, anything.

HII I LOVE YOUR STORIES YOU DESERVE MORE HYPEEE

OMFG I DON'T KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH THAT okay, I've already deactivated caps lock, I'm so fucking happy that you like what I write, this is so, so satisfying, you have no idea.

Oh darling, I don't even know what to say, do you really think so? So I think I need to work hard to get it 😭😭

Thank you for your love, sweet, this is really important to me 🫶🏼

Eight Seconds || LH44

summary: it was just a celebration, nothing big. Just some tequila, the vibe of victory and an eight-second challenge on the mechanical bull.

cw: use of alcoholic beverages, obscenity, p in v, thigh riding, fingering, masc!oral, hidden quickie, semi-public, dirty talk, light degradation, worship. Even though I'm mentioning a Lewis win, the season isn't relevant, so take that as an au(?)

a/n: this time I was listening to Beyonce (her new album is perfect) and I thought about writing something with Levii' Jeans and Lewis Hamilton, don't judge me, I think it makes sense. Just read, you will understand. I was having thoughts about riding this man like a mechanical bull, sorry

Every time I see you, I just wanna grab you (you, you) / And I let you touch it and you can't let it loose (oh, oh)

The bar was identical to those seen in American movies, with swinging doors, solid wood floors, a bar with a huge wall of bottles and country music playing at full volume, Lewis noticed how Y/N loved the place, clicking the heels of his cowboy boots in time with the music, Lewis ordered a beer for himself and a shot of tequila for Y/N, she smiled wide when she saw the golden shot in front of her.

"Oh Lew, you really know how to please a girl" Y/N said, downing the shot of tequila at once, humming at the spicy taste of the drink. "Can I have one more, please?" She asked the waiter.

"Take it easy little one, we don't want to get drunk today, do we?" He said, resting his right hand on her arm, Y/N gave a suspicious smile and took the second shot, without taking her eyes off her boyfriend.

"If I can't get drunk when my boyfriend wins a race, when can I?" Y/N kissed him, mixing the taste of tequila in her mouth with the taste of beer and Lewis's mints, enough to make her anxious under her skin.

The two had hidden away, the team planned to celebrate his victory in a fancy restaurant in the city, George's plan, but Y/N preferred to make plans with Bottas, Zhou, Logan and Alex.

"As much as I love George, I miss drinking with Valtteri, so we're going to the bar, celebrating your victory" she said when they were still in the room, without giving Lewis a chance to retort, not that he would do it, he also preferred drinking with Bottas to going to a three-star restaurant, beer was better than wine, sometimes.

It didn't take long for the group to arrive, Y/N squealed excitedly when she found Lily, and Lewis knew that at some point in the night, he would be exchanged for Alex's girlfriend.

"So she really dragged you" Bottas commented, stopping next to Lewis, also ordering a beer.

"You know, Y/N is a force of nature, sometimes going against her is more lethal than a cyclone" he murmured, watching his girlfriend talk to Alex and the Williams drivers, Zhou was lost in the bar, looking for the jukebox. Lewis got into an animated conversation with Valtteri about vacation plans, agreeing something about spending the weekend in the Alps, but the Brit's eyes never left Y/N. She looked like an Austin girl, short denim shorts, thigh-high cowboy boots, suggestive slogan shirt and hat, Y/N loved Austin and made a point of attending the Circuit of the Americas GP. "I know how to choose my battles"

He raised the beer bottle and Valtteri did the same, both toasting. Lewis kept his eyes on Y/N, admiring how the denim shorts made her thighs look sensational, Y/N was getting strong reactions from the pilot and maybe going to the bar wasn't a good idea, for him at least.

––

Lewis was having a darts match with Logan and Zhou while Y/N, Alex, Lily and Valtteri were arguing about which song would play on the jukebox. The four of them were already high on alcohol, laughing and talking loudly, but no one there seemed to care, everyone in the bar was drinking and dancing, the drunken group on the jukebox was the smallest detail there. Hamilton didn't let Y/N out of his sight for a second, she was next to Lily as they insisted that Beyoncé play, the two beat the pilots out of exhaustion, Lily and Y/N touched hands in celebration when the first tracks from Cowboy Carter started playing in the bar, making the crowd scream excitedly to the songs.

In a corner of the bar, the mechanical bull was activated and Y/N took out some notes, A mix of dollars and euros, even some British coins, she giggled as she pointed to the mechanical bull.

"I bet no one can stay on the mechanical bull for..." She made a confused face and turned to Lew "Baby, what was your advantage over Verstappen today?!"

"Eight seconds, doll, why?"

"Nothing, don't worry" she turned to the group again "no one can stay on the mechanical bull without falling for eight seconds"

"But what's the prize if someone succeeds?" Lily questioned, taking out the little cash she had in her pocket, already accepting the bet.

"Besides this drunken change?" He indicated the money that was supplemented by Valtteri and Alex. "Mhmmm... I'll pay the bill here, and considering the amount of glasses and bottles on our table, it won't be a cheap bill..."

“But what if you win, Y/N?”

"You decide on the mechanical bull, whoever stays the shortest, pays"

"seems fair to me, let's go!" Bottas took initiative, adjusting his cap while one of the waiters activated the toy. Y/N laughed when she saw Bottas adjust his pants, just like the cowboys that Hollywood films satirized Bottas chose one of the tequila glasses and swallowed the dose without making a face, Lily activated the timer and the bull started to spin, the Finn shouted excitedly, raising raising his hands as if he were in a rodeo, but fell as soon as he did so. "And then?!"

"Five seconds, Bottas, you were quite a pawn" Lily said, taking the lead to climb onto the ride "look and learn, pilot!”

Y/N and Alex shouted encouragement, clapping while Alex timed it, but Lily didn't last long, in the first three seconds she fell to the mat, laughing thrown onto the canvas. Her boyfriend helped her get out.

"I think you're the one who needs to learn, baby" he said and drank his shot of tequila, kissing her cheek before mounting, the bull spun insanely, but Alex held on, keeping one hand in the air but when there was a second left, he was thrown to the canvas too, Bottas, Lily and Y/N clapped, saying that he had gone further.

"Seven seconds Albono, you did well, can I top it?" Y/N said, flicking the brim of her hat to lift it, she took a shot of tequila and rubbed her hands together as she walked on the canvas. Up until that moment, Lewis hadn't been paying much attention to the group, but he left the darts competition there, focusing on Y/N, watching the girl ride the mechanical bull masterfully. Causing more reactions from him. The bull began to spin, jumping furiously to try and knock her down, but Y/N laughed loudly, raising her hand as she spun around and around. Lewis watched the movement, seeing how her body followed the toy, undulating with each lurch of the bull and Lewis couldn't help but wonder if Y/N would ride him like that.

Baby, you know I'm on my bullshit (bullshit), I'll let you ride it / Rodeo in your room, that shoot breaks loose with perfect timin' (timin')

His pants suddenly became uncomfortable.

Lily screamed when the timer beeped at eight seconds, the exact moment Y/N was thrown onto the canvas, laughing at the joke. Lewis watched his girlfriend get up on her knees, looking for the hat on the mat, her hair was messy, her shirt was slightly wrinkled and her thighs — those damn thighs — looked even more sensual. A pretty torment for him.

"Fucking eight seconds" Bottas swore laughing, as he helped her out "what are you, a cowgirl? The rodeo queen?"

"That's pure luck, Valtteri" she laughed. Other people crowded around the toy, the four returned to the table, seeing the rest of the people gather in the middle of the bar to dance, while Lily took Alex to the dance floor, Zhou and Logan went to try their luck on the mechanical bull and Valtteri found himself talking to the waitress, Y/N took the opportunity to go to the bathroom, she needed to rub some water on the back of her neck, to try to ward off the dizziness from the alcohol and the game. The cold water helped bring sobriety, but not complete sobriety, she was still laughing idly and her cheeks were red.

"Hey pretty girl, you put on a great show out there" she was approached by Lewis, who was waiting for her in the bathroom hallway, he threw her hat on the floor, loving seeing the glow on Y/N's face. "I didn't know you rode like that, doll"

Lewis cornered her between him and the wall, leaving little space between the two, he could smell her perfume mixed with the smell of tequila, which became even more exciting for the pilot. She gasped, Lewis was close enough for her to feel his heat emanate to her, penetrating the layers of clothing and warming her own skin, the alcohol amplifying the sensations.

"Ah, it was just luck, baby" she murmured, resting her hands on his chest, feeling Lewis' muscles contract under her fingers. "If a person sits the right way and holds on firmly, the eight seconds will be a breeze"

"Really? Maybe you can show me how..." He suggested, tucking his thigh between hers, pressing his leg into Y/N's core, Y/N bit the inside of her cheek and moaned softly, they were in the middle of a bar hallway, with so much sexual tension between them that could be cut with a knife, running the risk of being caught, but all she could think about was Lewis's hands on her hips, making her rub against his thigh. Her jean shorts rubbed against her clit, making her shiver.

"D-Do you want to learn?" He stammered, licking his suddenly dry lips.

"Oh yeah, you can't even imagine, doll" he replied breathlessly, Lewis felt the heat of her folds through his jeans, creating a stain on his pants, fuck, she was so wet, so ready for him. "You were so good on that mechanical bull, riding it like a real cowgirl, and fuck, I wondered if you could ride me too, like that."

"Lewis..." Y/N grabbed his shoulders, moving her hips against his thigh, increasing the delicious friction of the jeans against her pussy.

"Yes, doll?" He asked cynically, taking his hands off his hips and continuing to ride the pilot's muscular thigh. Lewis unbuttoned his shorts and stuck his hand between his legs, Y/N moaned loudly when she felt his fingers digging into her clit, swirling with just the right pressure to make her roll her eyes, Y/N began to ride his hand, wiggling every second he played with the sensitive nerve. But the provocation wasn't just cruel to her. His erection ached inside his boxers, throbbing with every moan she made, every moment he felt her wetter around his fingers; Lewis spread her lubrication across her folds, teasing her needy entrance, which clenched around nothing, eager for the filling he promised.

"You're so fucking wet, doll... Dripping on my fingers like a needy little girl" he mocked, penetrating his index finger, feeling her squeeze his finger, making him growl. "Riding on my fingers, so needy of my cock, aren't you baby?

He nibbled on his girlfriend's jaw, drawing whimpers from her, Y/N dug her nails into his shirt, seeking firm support as she rode his hand.

"But we're in public, doll..." He lamented in a hoarse voice, watching S/N close her eyes and frown, concentrating on building your orgasm, increasing the lust that commanded your boyfriend "imagine if we are caught here, while I fuck you like a little whore?" Lewis said with a growl, because Y/N clenched her inner walls around his index finger, "Oh baby... Are you turned on by the idea of getting caught? What a filthy girl you are, getting all wet at the idea of being seen riding me, riding my dick until she cums, such a dirty doll"

The music in the bar increased, drowning out her moans as Y/N approached her peak, ready to cum on Lewis' fingers, but he stopped. Y/N opened her eyes, stunned by the interruption, but Lewis saw her eyes light up at the sight of his exposed erection, the subtle sheen of precum on the red head of his cock made Y/N lick her lips.

Y/N lost her breath as Lewis pumped his dick, loving her reaction.

"Do you want it, baby?" She nodded without even noticing what she was responding to, Y/N got on her knees, opening her mouth to take in the entire length. "Fuck shit, such a good girl for me, taking all my dick so good" He threaded his fingers into her hair, guiding the way she should suck him. Y/N moaned in delight as he pushed her head in, the soft head of his cock hitting the top of her throat, Lewis growled praise when he heard the sound of her gagging, shaking at the vibration of her throat around him. Drool ran down her lips, dripping onto her trembling thighs, and for Lewis, that was too beautiful a sight. He was about to cum.

"Fuck baby, so good..." He groaned, but pulled Y/N away from him, the girl whimpered, her tongue still sticking out of her saliva-glossy mouth. "So fucking perfect.

Lewis lifted her up, quickly ripping off her shorts as he hung her around his waist, Y/N pressed her thighs against his torso and rubbed herself against him, dragging the soaked panties over the pilot's aching erection. He set her panties aside and slid the head of his cock against her clit, Y/N pressed her fingers into his neck, grinding her hips against Lewis, seeking contact.

"Baby" Y/N gasped begging "please, I need it... I need it so much" she hissed in pleasure when she felt Lewis' cock stretching her. It fit so well it made her want to cry. "That's baby, so good"

"Fuck baby, you look so good..." He buried his face in her neck, slamming his hips hard. Lewis had been on edge all night and watching her ride the mechanical bull made him tense, looking forward to her. "I wanted to" he lost his breath when she rotated her hips, squeezing him in the process, he was so close to orgasm it was shameful "I wanted to take longer, but damn"

Her moan was soothing, giving him goosebumps.

"But we can't get caught, I don't want any idiots ogling my dirty little girl". The strength and speed of Lewis's pounding against her lost its way, and Y/N's legs vibrated around him. "with me doll, come with me will you?"

"Yes, yes yes please I'm so... So close, love" Y/N moaned, giving him an open-mouthed kiss, incoherent and eager. "I-I'm going Lew... Fuck I'm going to cum!"

He rotated his hips, hitting her sensitive spot, making her roll her eyes and moan "come on doll, make your mess on my dick, cum for me, love"

Like an automatic command, you fell from the top, wetting Lewis' cock all over as he released his load inside her.

"My beautiful girl" he cupped her face and kissed her. "My beautiful, dirty girl"

When they both returned to the common area of the bar, their friends might have suspected their absence if they hadn't been so drunk. Lewis kissed her cheek, adjusting the hat on Y/N's head, taking the opportunity to murmur:

"When we get home, you're going to ride me, like that mechanical cap, cowgirl"

She laughed eagerly and took off her hat like cowboys did "you bet on that, farm hand"

Us, again || CS55

summary: Abandoned in a strange country, with no money, friends or family and a positive pregnancy test, Y/N finds herself on the brink of unprecedented chaos. There is no one she can count on, except her ex best friend, who she didn't want to have to turn to.

cw: conflict, abandonment, crying crisis and mention of an anxiety attack. Old conflict, nostalgia, separation, problem solving, relationship to be established, ex-friends to lovers. Extreme cuteness

a/n: I wanted to start something like this, and Carlos and Toto are always my favorites for angst and this plot arose especially for the grid's smooth operator. And I articulated the details of the story while reading "my tears ricochet" by @spngi and it's no secret to anyone that I'm a drama girl, so be aware that this is going to be a lot of drama, something cute and sweet, we'll see how it turns out.

a/n¹: notes: oh my god, this took so long to finish, I almost gave up when Tumblr lost everything I had ever written (I almost cried) after four attempts, three days, I finally finished it, anyway, I hope you like it, yay!

Freely inspired by Taylor Swift's "cardigan".

“I knew you'd haunt all of my what-ifs / The smell of smoke would hang around this long / 'Cause I knew everything when I was young / I knew I'd curse you for the longest time”

"This isn't happening, Y/N, Don't fucking fuck with me! This isn't happening!" I hear Aaron's raised voice as he walks through the hotel room, in my hands, an urgent ultrasound and a pregnancy test with a static "positive" on the test screen. "I can't be a father now!"

"I also didn't choose to be a mother now, Aaron, much less did I make this child alone!" I respond, equally upset and stand in front of him, I would never let him, or any man in the world, get above me.

"So it's decided, we will have the abortion" he says as if it were simple, and my mind spins in a huge spiral, I don't know if abortion is an option for me, much less in a strange country and in circumstances like this. "Ireland guarantees the right to abortion, we can do it today, hopefully!"

Aaron holds my arms tightly and shakes me lightly, trying to convince me. I move away from him as if I had been shocked and stop in the other corner of the suite, looking at him as if he were a stranger.

"I'm not going to have an abortion, much less in a foreign country! I cannot and will not decide this overnight, Aaron!" I speak and I see him become more exasperated and veins grow on his forehead, a sign of stress.

"You've got to be fucking kidding," he complains, and I don't like the glazed look he's giving me. "You can't decide? Y/N, fuck, we have plans, we start our trip now and you can’t decide?”

"No, we're talking about my body! Whether I carry this pregnancy forward or not, is my decision!" My voice echoes in the room and Aaron sighs, I feel a bad shiver running up my spine when I see my boyfriend's green eyes go dark.

"You're right, it's your decision, it's your body..." He rests his hands on his hips, breathing deeply "let's sleep, we'll go back to London and talk better"

I nod and change into comfortable pajamas. The test and ultrasound are forgotten on the table. All around us, the strange tension and feeling of something wrong only allow me to sleep much later than I would like. Aaron falls asleep as soon as he hits the pillow.

-- ♡ --

I wake up as the sun escapes the translucent curtains, my body hurts like I've been hit by a truck. I barely open my eyes and my intuition kicks in and I sit up so quickly that my muscles groan with pain, there is no sign of Aaron, his bags are not in their place, I jump out of bed and open the safe, I only find my passport, torn up, in fact. No sign of my cards or the money we brought for the trip.

Tears burn my eyes as the truth crashes down on my head.

Aaron abandoned me in Ireland, alone, without money and with my documents torn up, he destroyed me. I start to hyperventilate, there's no one I can ask for help, no one to rescue me, I'm alone in a country I don't even know. My boyfriend left me, alone, pregnant, without money or any fucking support.

"Son of a bitch!" I scream and collapse on the floor, crying without stopping, I should have followed my instincts, but I trusted that he would never do something like that to me, I trusted his feelings. I was such a idiot! It takes me a few minutes to recover, taking deep breaths with my left hand on my flat stomach.

"I'll find a way to get us out of this, baby, I promise" my voice shakes and I try to stop crying. "Your stupid mom will find a way, we'll be fine soon"

After forty minutes between "I'll fix this" and "Oh my God, I'm fucked", I call the hotel reception, and I have the excellent news that my stay is guaranteed for another eight days, a Since Aaron — my stupid fucking ex — we paid before we left. At least I have a guaranteed roof over my head for a week, with food and clean clothes, I wouldn't be completely homeless.

My parents passed away years ago, my friends walked away from me when I started dating Aaron, which means I'm fucking alone.

A new bout of crying chokes my throat and I'm tired of being strong, I can't believe that stupid man left me and stole my money. I feel so, so destroyed. I face the test and the ultrasound, I wanted my mother to be here, I wanted her to comfort me and tell me everything would be okay.

Five days later.

"Wow, really? One hundred and fifty euros for a new passport? I don't have that money!" my hope dies as soon as I understand how bad my situation is. "I have the police report, isn't that worth anything?"

"I can check with my superiors, but it will take at least two weeks, Miss L/N"

"Two weeks? I can't afford to stay here for two weeks, I have no money!" My voice shakes and I suppress the urge to cry.

"It's the best I can do, Miss"

"Well, thank you then..." I thank you grudgingly and hang up. It's been five days since Aaron left, in the meantime, I've sunk into so much self-pity that I'm sharing the rent with Samara. I've swallowed my pride the last few days and called some old friends, but all the calls went to voicemail, and that doesn't surprise me.

What did I expect? That they would welcome me with open arms after I turned my back on everyone? How I was deceived;

My reservation will expire in three days, and then I will literally be in the gutter of Dublin, with no chance of returning to London, all the disappointment turns my stomach and brings on the disgusting feeling of sickness, I only have time to run to the bathroom and vomit my breakfast into the toilet. I don't know if it's a symptom of pregnancy or if it's a consequence of the horrible situation I'm in. I brush my teeth and go back to the room, going straight to the suite's balcony and facing the view of the city, I hope Dublin's landscape makes me forget how bad everything is around me. Sitting on the lounge chair, looking at the azaleas on the balcony wall, she absently ran her fingers over her belly; If you asked me a few days ago if I wanted to be pregnant, my answer would have been a giant "no", but now, I feel anxious about the little things.

Looking forward to buying the baby's clothes, choosing the color of the room or making a list of names, nothing will be easy, I know, but I will make it work, even with all the difficulties and problems, I will strive to be a good mother, and a father too if necessary.

"You didn't come at a good time, little one, but I promise I'll do everything I can for you" I murmur, trying to be confident and find some way out. There are no more tears to cry, there's no more pain to suffer so I'm not going to waste any more energy on it, fuck Aaron, I'm capable of taking care of everything, I just need some time, but I'll make it. I remain on the balcony until the end of the afternoon, when the hotel reception calls me, letting me know that dinner is already served, the mention of food makes me salivate with hunger, in the same way that it shakes my stomach in previous waves of nausea. "I need energy to sort things out for us, little one, so you can let mommy keep the food down today, huh?”

I talk to my stomach as I look for my cell phone in the mess on the bed, ignoring the pieces of my passport, otherwise I would have a tantrum and be able to get to England by swimming. I greet some guests, who ask me how I am and if the baby is already giving me trouble, and they also ask me if I managed to solve the passport problem. These same guests found out about this when they found me in tears at the reception, sympathizing with the situation I was in.

"We're fine, he's already deciding what he likes to eat, and avocado toast isn't on the list" I say laughing as we go downstairs. The restaurant is not that crowded, most guests prefer to dine in local restaurants and pubs, so most of the seats were vacant, the process of serving my food and choosing the table furthest from the air conditioning takes less than ten minutes. The food on my plate is almost gone when I'm drawn to the call of an Irish sports program, they were going to rebroadcast the Monaco GP qualifying, with comments from the commentators. I don't even notice the time passing, I end up staying there in the restaurant as the guests leave and say goodbye to me, and my heart starts racing like a rocket when the camera focuses on Carlos Sainz.

"I haven't heard anything from him since... Oh, it's been so long..." I murmur, resting my chin in my hands, hoping he can get a good position. Even though I haven't been to the races for some time, I still know how things work and I also know that Monaco is a difficult circuit. I can't help but be thrilled when he gets P2, it was quite an achievement! This leads me to wonder if he still keeps the same phone number.

Can Carlos help me... I know I'm being selfish, but I have no one else to turn to, and I'm about to despair. We were friends until one of his girlfriends decided that there was no more room in Carlos' life for me, until she decided that I could no longer come between them, not that I would, I always wanted my best friend to be happy, with whoever he was, and what hurt the most was Carlos agreeing with her and cutting me out of his life. Carlos was my best friend.

"It doesn't hurt to try, I already have the 'no'" I murmur, sliding my finger across my cell phone while I look for his phone. With my heart racing, I press "call" and wait and at the height of my anxiety, I count the seconds until he answers. Thirty seconds until I hear Carlos' familiar voice.

"Hello?" He says and I can't hold back my tears, like an emotional idiot.

"Carlos?"

"Y/N? Is that really you?" He looks as surprised as I am.

"Well yes, it's me" I give a choked laugh, the tears are blocking my nose, soon I'll be exhausted. "I know we're not friends anymore, Carlos, but I need your help... I don't would bother you if it wasn't necessary"

I hear the sound of a door closing and a strong accent complaining in what I think is French.

"You would never bother me, how can I help you, cielo?"

And then I talk, I say everything that's happening, my sobs make me cry in some parts, the hormones are already in an uproar, apparently. Carlos listens to me without interrupting once, and if I know him well, I know he's messing up his hair and frowning like he always does when he's concentrating.

"I wouldn't be calling if I weren't desperate, Carlos..."

"Calm down, calm down, you did well in the place, cielo, I won't be able to go, of course, but you'll be home soon, I promise" he says, there are no signs of hesitation in his voice and It comforts me in a way I can never explain. I hear the sound of drawers opening and a sheet of paper being torn apart "give me the address of the hotel, I won't be able to go, because of the rush, but I will send my advisor to take care of everything, don't worry, bien?"

"Thank you, thank you so much! I can't even tell you how grateful I am" I speak emotionally and give the hotel address next to the phone, in case I don't answer.

"There's no need to thank me, cielo, I would never leave you helpless, never" he assures me and I feel eighteen again, sitting on the sidewalk outside my house with him, the two of us eating ice cream and talking about his season. Oh God, I missed him so much.

"Congratulations on P2, you were great" I say sincerely, Carlos is a great driver and I know how much he works every day, I don't need to be with him to know, he is very obstinate.

"Oh, did you watch it? Thanks, Y/N"

We stay silent on the line, sharing our breaths until I break.

"I don't have enough words to thank you, Carlos, but thank you, you saved me" I say, swallowing the lump that suddenly appeared in my throat. "I need to sleep now... Good luck in the race tomorrow, I'll be rooting for you"

"Thank you cielo, have a good night" he says and we remain on the call until I hang up. Carlos and I have always shared silence, staying silent has never been a problem between us. When I lock myself in my room, all the weight of that day falls on me like a stone, I take a hot shower and lie down, tormented by memories.

"You don't call me anymore, so I came to see you, your mother told me you were here" I say, entering his room, something we always did, Carlos and I always went to each other's houses.

"Well, I didn't return your call for a reason" he said and I saw Isabella, his current girlfriend come out of the bathroom, wearing one of his shirts. "We'll talk later, Y/N"

“You never call me Y/N, what’s wrong, cielo?”

"We can't be friends anymore" He says it without pity, harshly and even cruelly.

"Huh? Why? Because of Isabella?"

"Isabella has nothing to do with this" he says quickly, standing in front of his girlfriend, Isabella puts on shorts and says she will give us privacy, I don't even look at her face, keeping his eyes on Carlos. "your feelings do!"

"What the fuck are you talking about, Carlos?! My feelings? Are you crazy?

"I heard your conversation with Blanca" he confesses and I feel my heart stop, he shouldn't have... "Don't make me say, Y/N, So spare us the humiliation of having to break your heart over feelings that should never exist, because you know, we would never have anything."

I could call him names, fight him, or do anything else, but I just nodded and took off the friendship bracelet we had made last summer. A stupid symbol of our bond, which no longer exists.

"I think you're right, I hope you're immensely happy, cielo and that you can achieve everything you dream of" I leave the bracelet on his desk before leaving the room. I say goodbye to Mrs. Sainz and Blanca, Carlos' sister apologizes, she didn't know he was listening. "It's my fault, there's no need to apologize"

I said goodbye to them, aware that it would be the last time we would see each other like that, I had been accepted at a university in England and with the death of my parents, nothing kept me in Spain anymore. Except only for Carlos.

But not anymore, that was the last time I spoke to Carlos.

My heart jumps when I wake up, I feel my face wet and I confirm that just like in the memories, I cried. I really had feelings for Carlos, but I was willing to ignore them if it meant having my best friend with me, I didn't care if he was dating or anything, I just needed him, I didn't have anyone else, feelings that shouldn't have even arisen. I didn't want to ask him for help, but I knew I would never have the courage to ask Blanca, Reyes or Mr. Carlos, so I had to swallow my pride and call him.

I'm still looking at the hotel ceiling, thinking about the floodgate that Carlos opened in me, with just one phone call. I thought I was over it, that the hurt and resentment were gone. As for the mistake, I was as hurt and resentful as years ago, it still hurt as if it had been done yesterday. My daydreams are interrupted by a call from an unknown number, I answer and make the mistake of answering while yawning.

"I'm sorry, please, I just woke up" I ask before hearing the person, who laughs, I would recognize that laugh anywhere, even in a crowd. "Carlos"

"Sorry for waking you up, cielo" he says and I feel my skin itch, the nickname takes me back to good days, where everything was sweet and full of dreams.

"Relax, I literally just woke up. Is everything okay?"

"Yes, yes everything is fine, I just called to let you know that there will be a car to pick you up at one o'clock in the afternoon, you will be taken to a private flying field straight to London" he says, I hear the buzz of the pitlane in the background, lots of shouting in Italian and the uproar of the crowd. The race would start soon. "Is everything okay with you, cielo? Can you get it ready in time?"

"Yes, definitely yes, I didn't want to bother you, Carlos, especially before a race."

"Ah" he clicked his tongue, dismissing my apology "it's no big deal, I promised I would take you home and I will, there will be a car at the private airport to take you home, just give your address to the driver, and don't worry about paying anything, you only need to worry about eating and resting during the trip, as for your passport, I scheduled a time for you to get a new copy of your document, in three days, you will receive a memo on your cell phone."

My throat constricted, well here I am feeling like crying again, these hormones are still going to make me dehydrated from crying, or my tears would dry up at some point.

"You're being a guardian angel for me, Carlos, I'll never thank you enough" I murmur hoarsely, swallowing the tears.

"Oh no, no please, don't cry, you know I never know how to deal with your tears" he says and I know he's despairing, which makes me laugh and sniffle, in a strange way that I know I've never done before "I'm not doing anything much, if with all this money, I can't do something simple like take you home, what is all this for?"

"I know, thank you very, very much... I'll pack my bags and have coffee, you'll do well in this race, I know that" I say quickly and hang up before it gets awkward, or rather, weirder.

The following hours are a mess, checking in at the hotel, the journey to the runway and much of the flight are done with my mind on standby, I could only think about how betrayed I felt by Aaron's attitude, how I needed to swallow my pride and ask for help from someone I swore I wouldn't see again. The Earth turned several times until it threw me into Carlos Sainz's life once again. I sink into the armchair looking at the fluffy clouds through the window.

"I said I would find a way, little one, and we're going home now. Maybe you'll question my methods in the future, but not my results" I laugh at my own joke and I let my hands rest on my belly, I suddenly feel anxious to see it bigger, Being a mother was not a goal for the next five years, I'm not at all prepared for motherhood, but I don't know how to describe the panic that gripped my heart when Aaron suggested the interruption. I have a stable job, which allows me to work from home and a flexible schedule, I have a small apartment, but with an extra room for the baby and well, I decided to move on. I already feel very connected to the baby, and there is a break in the loneliness that I have felt for years, it is good not to feel alone.

My cell phone rings the moment I turn the key in the lock, Carlos' name flashes on the display and I answer it while trying to push my bags inside.

"The driver just told you he dropped you off at home, did everything go well? Were the flight attendants kind to you?"

"Yes, yes, everything was fine, Carlos, the flight attendants are really cute, I was treated very well, you can put your weapons away" I breathe a sigh of relief as I sit down on my sofa, finally away from all that hell I went through in Dublin.

"That's good, cielo, I've been worried about you all day"

I don't know what to answer, I don't know what Carlos expects from me after all these years, after so much distance.

"I'm glad you're home and well, cielo, I'll let you rest now"

Another time, we are silent on the call until I ask "did you win?"

“It was Charles' home race, my job was to make sure he won, but I got second place” he says, there's a certain 'job done' tone in his voice. "I'm happy with today's result"

"That's good, I'm happy for you, and for your teammate" I say sincerely.

"Thank you, that matters a lot... Anyway, rest okay? You can't sleep late anymore, take care cielo, call me for whatever you need, anything, don't hesitate" he says with such firmness that It almost makes me uncomfortable, so we hang up. I don't know if Carlos is back in my life and I don't know if I'm okay with that. It's so confusing, but I don't need to deal with it right now, I have more important things to take care of.

Almost two weeks later, I got a new passport, applied for new cards and was being monitored by an obstetrician. Luckily I didn't run into Aaron a single day, I changed the locks, I threw his things in the trash and made my transition from a committed woman to a single woman smoothly.

"What do I need to buy at the market?" I mutter as I check cupboards and fridge, licorice dangling from my lips. "milk, eggs, sugar, tomatoes and pasta... Cheese and bacon, for sure" Maybe I'll make a carbonara when I get home from the store. I had been in the middle of an Italian food fixation for days, all I wanted was pasta, tomatoes and cheese. Just when I finish making the market list, my campaign rings and I have a heart attack when I see no one other than Carlos Sainz — and all his other surnames — standing at my door.

"Carlos? What are you doing here?"

"I don't know, to be honest I don't know, but after you called me, I couldn't stop thinking about seeing you again" He says it so fast I think he's going to choke and I pull him into the apartment before the neighbors see him and decide to hold a carnival on my doorstep. He wastes a few seconds looking around, for an instant I saw my best friend there, the guy who knew everything about my life and who today, knew nothing about me anymore, big breakthrough.

"I'm sorry if you think that explains anything," I reply, looking at how lost he looks. "but again, what do you want here, Carlos?"

"I want to apologize, I was a shitty friend to you, I was cruel, I belittled your feelings, you are the most amazing and resilient person I know" he says, taking a step towards me, I don't back away, but I make it clear that he is not welcome in my personal space. "Life without you has been bad, very bad and I only realized that when I saw you, weeks ago."

"Walking away was the best thing we did, Carlos. God knows how we would have ended up if you hadn't put an end to it."

"No, it shouldn't have, it wasn't the right thing! We were left without our best friends because we didn't know how to deal with things, I didn't know"

"Carlos, you can't be best friends with the guy you're in love with, at some point I would hate you and that would be worse"

"and you didn't hate it?"

I keep quiet, because yes, I hated him for a long time, I still think I do and I don't even know why I'm trying to defend him. It must be the hormones talking.

"Yeah, yes I hated you for a long time, maybe I still hate you, but you were my best friend, I can't hate you forever"

I look at the man who was my mainstay for years, my confidant, best friend, accomplice, the guy who won my heart with gumdrops and notes in candy wrappers. The man I fell in love with and broke my heart. There is a mixture of feelings in me, hurt, pain, hope, resentment, all of it shaking my heart nonstop, I don't know what to feel.

"I don't know if I can have you around, Carlos, you were really my best friend, but you were also the guy I fell in love with and who broke my heart, I don't know if I'm ready to have you back"

He swallows, taking in what I said, and for a moment, I think he's going to give up and walk away, but he nods and straightens his posture "okay, I'm going to prove that I'm sorry, for everything, for being a shitty friend, a stupid guy, I'm going to make you forgive me and" he pauses, to emphasize everything "I'll be with you, I'll make up for all the years, all the pain, I'll deserve you, Y/N, I swear"

I don't even know what to think, my mind goes blank as I try to understand what he's up to.

"What if I don't want to?" The question escapes my mouth without permission, the filter between my brain and mouth is off, apparently. "What makes you think I might want you in my life again?"

He doesn't respond for a few minutes, I can almost see the gears in Carlos' head turning, trying to find a good answer.

"Nothing, but that's never been an impediment for me, you know"

I just stare at him, surprised by that, my mouth articulates, but no sound comes out.

"You came all the way here from Spain for this?"

"I would come from anywhere in the world"

After that there wasn't much we could say, Carlos insisted on staying and making pancakes for me, and I couldn't say no as my stomach growled like a monster at the mention of food. In an instant I was watching Carlos move everything in my kitchen, he chops strawberries and blackberries while letting the pancake batter rest for a while.

“Aaron looked for you?” He questions, putting the fruit in a bowl and only looks at me when I sigh loudly. "What? Has he been bothering you? I'll sort it out"

"What? No, no! He didn't show up"

"Then why do you look frustrated?" I watch Carlos put the frying pan on the fire and add the yeast to the dough, and then stir gently, placing small discs in the hot pan.

"I'm just tired, all the stress from the trip is still affecting my sleep..." I murmur, stealing a piece of strawberry, the smell of the pancakes increases my hunger and Carlos laughs when he hears my belly rumbling. "Don't laugh, I'm eating for two and you have no idea how much this little one likes to eat"

We enter another silent space, Carlos focused on finishing the pancakes and my mind wanders to our conversation, some time before. I'm not a hypocrite in saying that I've already forgiven Carlos, but I don't think there's still space for that kind of resentment, I'm not eighteen anymore, I'm about to be a mother, I no longer have the time or inclination to feed old grudges. And God knows how much I missed him all these years, I refused to watch any races so I wouldn't have to see him. Calling Carlos and asking for his help seems to have put all our dramas in order, It made me understand that one way or another, my life would end up intertwined with his again.

No matter how much I wanted or tried, I would never be able to completely move away from Carlos, and it's time to accept that.

"Here you go, eat it all, I don't want your baby to grow up hating me" he says and pushes over a plate full of pancakes, berries, honey and some icing sugar. A beautiful montage.

"I hope it's good, or we'll both hate you" I reply and laugh when he turns pale, I take out a generous piece and the sweet smell intoxicates me for a few seconds. I go to heaven and back when I chew the piece of pancake, the taste is light and the dough melts in my mouth, I know I can eat this for the rest of my life and be happy every day.

"Holy fucking God, this is perfect, Carlos!" I take a piece of pancake with a strawberry and feel heaven on my tongue, a moan of appreciation makes my whole body vibrate, this is perfect, damn"If you had used that to apologize, I would have definitely accepted it from the beginning."

"if I had known food was the secret, I would have come prepared" He laughs as I finish eating, nothing more is said until I finish the second helping, which Carlos was happy to serve me.

I slide my finger across the plate, picking up the traces of honey and sugar, humming as I literally wipe the plate clean. I insist that he put everything in the dishwasher and come sit with me so we can sort everything out, once and for all.

"I still can't believe you came all the way to London... You got my address from the driver and you're here, making me pancakes and everything..." I say, playing with one of the cushions while Carlos takes the armchair in front of me. I allow myself to face him, he's even more handsome than before, the trail of beard over his chiseled jaw, his thick hair in an elegant mess, Carlos is a vision of fucking paradise.

"I'm not lying, Y/N, I really want to make amends with you, in any way" he assures, and breaks the distance between us, sitting next to me while holding my hands. "You missed me so much, and when you called me crying, I realized that we missed so much from each other, I wanted you to be at my first victory with Ferrari, I wanted to see your graduation, help you move in... "

In a strange way, I'm grateful that he doesn't mention the fact that I was in love with him, not that I'm ashamed of it, but ignoring it might make us easier to get along with.

"We can try, Carlos, try to be friends again, because my goodness, I missed you so much" I confess and he laughs.

"I promise to make it worth it, cielo" he squeezes my hands, running his thumb affectionately from the back of my hand. "I won't disappoint you"

"I bet it'll be a boy," he says, stealing a spoonful of my ice cream, fast enough to avoid the hit of my spoon on his hand. "God said to share bread, you know?"

"Exactly, He said to share the bread, not my ice cream" I mumble, protecting the container with my body. Carlos has been coming to my house for weeks, always bringing food — I'm beginning to suspect that it has a direct connection to my stomach and my hunger —, gifts for the baby and books on child psychology, food introduction and everything he considers necessary to educate a child. He's been taking over my couch whenever he has time off. I dare say that I see more Carlos than my neighbors. "And why do you think it will be a boy? This is misogyny, Sainz"

He tries to steal my ice cream again and this time I slap him right in the middle of the forehead, which is effective because he moves away. "I'm not being sexist, I'm following my intuition, okay?"

"The last time we followed your intuition, we ended up in the middle of nowhere, at three in the morning in a car without gas. If it weren't for my father, you would be grounded to this day." I respond, changing the sofa, Carlos is willing to steal my ice cream, interfering with a pregnant woman's right to satisfy her desire for a sweet treat after lunch. I'm going to report him to human rights.

"But do you think it's a boy or a girl?"

"I have no idea, I still don't have that 'maternal intuition' that I've seen in the support group for solo mothers, but I'm fine with any option, I'll love it regardless of gender" I say, my right hand slides over my recently completed five-month-old belly. "I should have found out the sex at the last appointment with the obstetrician, but this little one here had his back turned, can you believe it?"

Carlos laughs, throwing his entire body back and falling onto the sofa. I just watch him laugh, being enveloped by his laughter like a fluffy blanket.

"Seriously, I didn't even know that was possible, crossing your legs, ok, but being on your back is something new" he says, still laughing and drying his tears. I just realize how close he is, When I feel your hand on my belly, the calloused palm warms my skin even with the shirt between us. My breath hitches in my throat, something new growing and It's not just the little traveler in my womb... I don't know if that could be a good thing, especially considering our history.

"Yeah, she told me to go back there in a few days, if I want to find out the gender before the sixth month, then I'll be there on Tuesday, I won't have a meeting at work and I can buy the paints" I explain, poking at the ice cream, trying to distract myself from Carlos' hand on my belly.

"I just need to be in Maranello on Saturday, so I can join you if you want" he suggests, finally moving to his end of the sofa.

"Really? I don't want to disturb you, I know race week is coming and you need to prepare" I say trying, I don't even know what I'm trying, I'm going to blame my exploding hormones.

"I can deal with that later, you need my opinion on paint colors and someone to hold your hand while you root for the business class traveler to be facing forward this time" he said, and looks at me meaningfully "that is, I am most needed here"

"Are you sure? You don't need to go"

"I would be there, even if I were playing crosswords in the office waiting room" he says, without giving me any chance for discussion.

"Okay, whoever said that is no longer here, now pass the ice cream slowly and no one gets hurt" I say and hold out my hand, waiting for the container he stole when he thought I wasn't looking. "Now"

"That's unfair," he grumbles, handing over the pot.

"I'll let you have the ice cream if you get pregnant in my place."

"You win, you can have the ice cream"

-- ♡ --

"Do you want me to come in with you?" He asks and I bite my lip to keep from laughing, Carlos is holding my bag under his shoulder. Quite a scene.

"I need someone to hold my hand, and" I look behind him "I don't see any more volunteers, so smile, you've been selected" I smile, waving my index finger as if it were a flag.

"Okay, let's confirm that my intuition is right"

"Uh-huh, of course yes, cielo" I say, entering the office.

The obstetrician doesn't need to ask any initial questions, since I was here a few days ago, so asking how I am is irrelevant. I change into that horrible hospital gown and lie down on the stretcher, Carlos looks anxious in the passenger seat and my hand grabs his so fast I don't even register it, I laugh nervously as the cold gel is spread across my bulging belly.

"Let's hope he's being an exhibitionist today" she says confidently and starts to use the device.

"How can you understand anything here, it's all blurry" he says, approaching the screen. "Where is his head?"

"Shut up, chilli" I say, but I give a nervous laugh "I don't understand anything either, so let those who do understand tell you what we're seeing", I shake his hand and receive an eager smile.

"We're lucky today, he's turned around, or rather, she" she indicates on the screen and I start crying immediately, Carlos squeezes my hand and wipes my tears. "Congratulations, you will be parents of a very strong-willed girl."

"Oh, no, no, I'm just the family friend" Carlos corrects her, but this is forgotten, given how much I'm crying. "You're crying a lot, should I be worried, cielo?"

"I-I'm fine" I sniffle crying less, I'm having a little girl, I don't even know what to say, I'm exploding like fireworks "I'm fine, really"

"I'll leave you two alone" the obstetrician leaves and I feel, cleaning the gel from my abdomen and I am hugged tightly, Carlos supports me with care and zeal, there is so much between the lines here, so much implied.

"That little girl is so lucky to be born as your daughter" he murmurs, stroking my hair gently "a little girl, damn you were right, my intuition is shit"

I press my hands to his shoulder blades so hard I feel my fingers tremble. "Thanks for coming"

"There's no place in the world I should be, cielo"

"You want me to go to the next race? Why?"

"I like having important people cheering me on there, and Charles is bothering me to meet you" he says, painting the wall lilac, he's all dirty, there's dye in his hair, and of course, he is shirtless. As long as I don't have a knife at my neck, I will never confess that the vision is messing with me. "I will take care of everything, you can stay in the same hotel as me"

"You should stop taking care of everything, or you'll have a heart attack instead of appendicitis" I murmur, Carlos insisted that I sit and watch him paint, he even brought books, chopped fruit and even Alexa to play my favorite playlist. "Seriously Charles Leclerc wants to meet me? Why?"

"I have no idea, Charles must have heard it one of the times you called me" he replies. Carlos speaks so quickly that there's no way not to be suspicious, but I give him the benefit of the doubt, I'm sure Charles will tell me why.

"Mhmm, I know... Now I'm curious to meet him too... But the trip to Budapest can be so tiring..." I murmur, peeling the pear as I watch him slide the paint roller along the wall perfectly, Carlos is meticulous and perfectionist in everything he sets out to do, so I admire the paint stains in his hair and on different parts of his body, thank God the fan is on here, otherwise I would be melting from the heat, and having him there, almost naked, doesn't help much.

“It’s not like I’m going to let you take a commercial flight to Hungary, please Y/N, I’m not that petty!” He retorts, touching up the paint on the roller while giving me a quick look "You will go with me to Budapest, on a private flight and I will leave you staying in the same hotel as me, if you are worried, I will hire a private neonatal nurse to accompany us, but I really want you to go, it's important for me to have you two there with me."

"If you insist on that—..." I try to say, but he interrupts me.

"I insist yes, and I'm glad you agreed, I was ready to start the Infallible Convincing Plan for Carlos Sainz" he says and I laugh loudly "What? Am I not convincing?"

"Persuasion isn't one of your best qualities, chilli" I mutter, picking up the folded sheet of paper from among the books he brought me "changing the subject, I listed the female names that I liked most for the baby, feel free to give your opinion, I'm quite undecided here, I have good options."

"I'm listening, I hope they are good names and none taken from the books, considering how obsessed with A Court of Roses and Thorns you are, the girl is in danger of being called Feyre" Carlos shamelessly mocks me and I throw the pear stem at him. "I'm just telling the truth, cielo, but come on, give me the options"

"You know, Ancient Egypt has been my Roman Empire for years, so I thought I would pay homage to one of the greatest queens of that civilization, none other than Cleopatra, but" I pause, aware that Carlos will want to object, so I continue quickly "I chose to shorten the name, Cleo. It's a good option, right?"

"It's a beautiful, elegant and feminine name. I like it, you have a good option" he responds, with his back to me, giving a beautiful view of his lats contracting and relaxing. Oh God, what a hell of a handsome man.

"Well, the next option is Athena, as the Greek goddess of justice, wisdom and war, I don't think I need to explain further, right?"

"It's good, but I still prefer Cleo"

"I like Margot and Elena, they are both elegant and short, I didn't think about long and complicated names, I don't want her to have problems learning to write her own name"

"It's a good justification, giving her a name that's easy to read and write... So I still prefer Cleo"

"Don't you want to hear the other options?"

"Nope, I like Cleo, it's beautiful and very meaningful, and it matches her last name, she'll love it, when she understands it"

I hadn't thought about my last name when choosing the names, so Carlos' reasoning makes sense, so I already had a name chosen.

"Alright, we have a winner, I like Cleo too, thanks for helping me choose"

"You're welcome, we are here to serve well and always serve" he makes an exaggerated bow and I laugh.

"Oh really? My kitchen faucet is dripping non-stop, can you fix it for me?" I ask ironically and Carlos wipes the sweat from his face, giving me another meaningful look.

"Of course yes, cielo, I'll sort it out as soon as I'm done here"

"I'm kidding, chilli, you don't have to worry about it"

"But not me, I'll sort it out as soon as it's over" he insists and I give up trying to make him give up, Carlos is as stubborn as a wild horse, it's no wonder he's at Ferrari. Which makes me think of something:

"I agree to go with you, but I want to meet Lewis, it's my condition" I point my index finger and Carlos looks at me, raising his eyebrow.

"Really? I need to find out what makes Lewis Hamilton so appealing to the female audience" I can't identify the feeling in his voice, and I adjust myself in the seat, stroking my protruding belly. Being pregnant isn't easy, the nausea, all the swelling and fluid retention is horrible, I was already sleeping poorly because my belly wouldn't let me find a comfortable position and of course, I've already lost all my clothes. But I don't regret for a moment having continued with the pregnancy, my little traveler is a gift, Cleo already makes my days wonderful. I observe the lilac covering the walls little by little, making her room take on shape and color, soon the furniture would be assembled.

"I think it's the voice, he has a very good voice to listen to, I could listen to hours of ASMR of him speaking" I respond, hearing Carlos mumble intelligibly. "What did you think of color? I didn't want pink because I thought it was too obvious, and I love the combination of lilac and green"

"I like it, they are very pretty shades and you chose a good brand, they don't have a strong smell and they pigment well on the wall... I'm almost done here, where do you leave the tools to fix the tap?"

"Carlos, I was joking, don't worry about it, the plumber will come on Tuesday to fix it, I'm serious" I say, hoping he will forget this story. "Don't worry, it's serious!"

He puts the rest of the paint in the can and takes the paint roller to the laundry area. I even try to help, but Carlos forces me to sit down again when he returns from the laundry area. He himself collects the newspapers from the floor and opens the windows.

"I need a shower now, can I use your bathroom?"

"Obviously, feel free, I'll order a pizza for us" I say, following him to the living room, Carlos waves and gives a quick kiss and and go to my bathroom in the suite. I see how his jeans fit well on his hips, leaving the waistband of his underwear slightly visible and God only knows how that messes with my hormones. “Y/N, you fucking need to control yourself, he’s your best friend, stop acting like a needy bitch.

"Are you Y/N? Finally! It's a pleasure to meet you, Carlos talked a lot, a lot about you!" Charles tells me, giving me a tight, loving hug. He is really very handsome and It's easy to understand why his fans are so obsessed with him, he's gorgeous. He has an adorable dimpled smile on his face and I feel shaken all of a sudden.

"He also spoke a lot about you, Charles, it's great to meet you too" I return the hug.

"I hope he said good things"

"I tell her the truth!" Carlos shouted from afar.

Soon we are surrounded by the team, who are extremely warm and kind to me, but I feel claustrophobic among so many people.

"Okay guys, give her space, please, you're making her suffocate" Carlos appears as a salvation and takes me out of the crowd, Charles follows us to the empty area of the garage. "Are you okay, cielo? Here, drink some water, it's too hot and you can't get dehydrated." He offers me a disposable cup of water and makes me sit down. "I have to talk to my mechanics now, but Charles can take you for a ride in the pitlane, if that's okay?"

"Of course, of course don't worry, you can go, we'll be fine"

"Well, take care of them, Charles"

"Relax, being with me is the same as being with God, relax cabrón"

"That's what scares me" Carlos says and kisses me quickly on the cheek, not caring what it does to me, not that he knows.

"Ready? I'm going to give you the best guided tour of the pitlane" Charles interlaces his arm in the middle and guides me through the pitlane, he is approached by a lot of people, always being extremely kind and attentive, he makes some jokes while introducing the places and some people.

"Y/N! Carlos didn't tell me you were coming!" Lando comes running towards us and hugs me too, we were already close to the Mercedes garage, one of the employees told us that Lewis was in a meeting, so I decided to wait

"It was a last minute decision, there was no way to warn you anyway" I say while Charles takes a chair from the Mercedes garage and makes me sit down.

"Why did you meet her before me?! I hear Sainz talking about her all day!"

"I live in London and I met her during his visit, so I tagged along! It's not my fault you don't live in London!" Lando retorts and I laugh at them.

"Sorry if I'm Monegasque! I didn't choose to be born in Monaco!" My laughter echoes around the room and they stop arguing, and then they laugh too, but the moment is interrupted by Lewis Fucking Hamilton. He's more impressive up close, damn it.

"It's good to finally meet Carlos' girl, you've been the talk of the paddock, he says and my cheeks burn and he hugs me too. The four of us talk for almost forty minutes, Lewis is exactly what I expected, polite, kind and attentive, he really has the aura, that aura that few people have and that made it clear why he is one of the greatest in the sport. He's really impressive.

"Let's go to the garage chérie, you need to get some rest, it's too hot for you to stay out here" Charles says as he guides me to the Ferrari garage, where Carlos is already waiting for us, Seeing him is like a cool breeze on a scorching day, he looks so good in red that wow, it hurts to remember he's leaving the Tifosi.

"How was it? Did you enjoy the ride? Did Charles treat you well?" He asks and sizes me up, but I nod dismissively and hear Charles click his tongue, offended.

"I'm fine, Charles was a perfect gentleman to me, and we met Lando on the way, it was amazing!" I say.

"That's great, cielo, let's go to my room, you need to rest, there was a lot of excitement today" He takes me to his private room and lets me rest on the bed there, I don't mind, my feet hurt so much and I wanted to get some sleep, Carlos sits on the edge and rubs my belly, he looks strange, like he's uncomfortable. "Are you okay? How is Cleo?"

"We're fine, she's great" I reply and feel her move and kick, Cleo is Carlos' biggest fan, apparently, she always moves when he speaks, loves the sound of his voice and kicks in the exact place where his hand is. She's going to be his biggest groupie, and there's no argument.

I watch him, feeling my heart beat like a fool, Carlos has been exactly what I hope he will be, a friend, a great companion, he is always in connection with me, I hate knowing that I'm falling in love with him again, that I'm entering that gray area again, putting our friendship at risk because of my stupid feelings, so I'm going to swallow whatever I feel because I'm not willing to be without my best friend again, I couldn't bear to lose him and I want him to be part of my daughter's life, of our life. So it's okay for me to stay in the friend zone if it keeps him around.

"What's bothering you, chilli? You look strange"

"I... I need to tell you something"

"Carlos, if you brought me to Budapest just to kick me out of your life, I swear to God I will run you over with your own car!" I exclaim, trying to pinch his muscular abdomen but failing, obviously.

"What? Of course not, it's nothing like that" he laughs nervously "It's something else... Well, I know this shouldn't happen, and I don't even know how to tell you this, but spending the last few months with you It's been the best thing in my life, I love spending any available time with you and Cleo, helping you with everything, this has left an impression on me and continues to leave a lasting impression on me, I'm so grateful for allowing me to be a part of this."

He stops, leaving tension in the air, making me anxious.

"What I want to say, cielo, is that my feelings have changed, I no longer feel like your friend, I'm just falling more in love with you every day, I tried to avoid it, because we are friends, but it was inevitable and when I realized it, I was already in love. I know it's not the best case scenario, and I broke your heart before, so it's okay with me if you don't reciprocate, but please, let me stay close to you, close to Cleo, I already love this little traveler, I love her so much and it hurts to imagine not being around—..."

I didn't even notice when I sat down on the bed, but I notice the exact moment my hand grabs the collar of his red t-shirt and I kiss him. As I imagined doing since I was sixteen. Carlos responds almost immediately, there is urgency, care and satisfaction in his kiss, all spiced up by the sweet taste of cinnamon. It's exactly how I always imagined it. It's sweet, strong and intense.

"If it's up to us, you'll be with us forever, cielo" I say and he breathes a sigh of relief, kissing me again while leaving his calloused hand on my belly.

"I'm going back to London now, fuck it, my little girl is coming" he says on the cell phone, I hear the sound of him moving around the room, I breathe loudly when the contraction hurts and I want to cry, but I don't.

"No, no, you're saying goodbye to Ferrari, Cleo won't like knowing that her father is abandoning the race like that" I say in one breath. "We're fine, okay? Blanca is here with me and Reyes will be here soon, please stay calm, love and promise me you will win, for us"

Carlos whimpers and I stop holding him, bursting into tears, I wanted him with me there, but I would never forgive myself if he didn't race his last race with the Maranello team, and Cleo will understand in the future. I know it will.

"Cielo... This is fucking unfair" he kicks something and I sob "I wish I was there, you need me, both of you"

"Win the race, chilli, for us!" I scream because Blanca takes the phone away from me, because I enter the operating room.

-- ♡ --

Cleo is perfect, there is nothing Aaron about her, thank heavens and she is absurdly restless, she doesn't cry, but she doesn't sit still either. I'm absurdly in love with my little traveler, ga she is beautiful, healthy and was born at exactly the same time that Carlos won the race in Abu Dhabi, that didn't give him the championship, but it was extremely important for us, because the checkered flag waved when she cried.

"She's beautiful" Blanca is standing next to the stretcher, holding my daughter's little hand while Cleo breastfeeds, still with her eyes closed. The silence of the maternity corridor is broken by quick footsteps, the door to my room is opened with force and I see Carlos there, he still looks like a mess in his Ferrari overalls, messy hair and very, very tired.

He doesn't say anything, he just walks towards us and kisses my forehead for long seconds and looks at Cleo.

"I'll leave you alone" Blanca gives a suspicious smile and leaves the room.

"Lamento llegar tarde, pequeña estrella, pero gané la carrera por ti". He says in Spanish and I melt with so much love, Cleo seems to recognize his voice and calm down. "she is beautiful, too beautiful, I'm sorry for being late, mi amor"

"It's okay, chilli, you're here at the right time" I say, grateful to smell his expensive cologne, it feels like home and gives me so much comfort. "Thanks for coming."

"There's nowhere I want to be, cielo" he murmurs, carefully I make Cleo stop breastfeeding and cover her breast with the hospital gown. "are you really okay, cielo?"

"I'm, I'm fine actually... How did you get here so fast?"

"Fred left a jet ready for me, I just did the race, got the trophy and came here as soon as I could" he says, running his finger on Cleo's cheek. "She's so beautiful, her nose is identical to yours, happily."

"Do you want to hold her?"

He looks nervous, but accepts it. Carefully, Carlos places Cleo on his lap and walks around the room, talking softly to her, it's the most adorable scene in the world, my heart fills with love as I watch them.

"Cielo, will you marry me?" He says, still looking at the baby in his lap. "I want you close to me always, I want to take care of you, of Cleo. God, I love you both so much and I can't spend another day away from you"

"Are you serious?

"Damn it! I've never been so serious in my life"

"Yes, yes, yes! There is no one better for me, no better father for Cleo" I say in tears, and he comes over, sitting next to me on the hospital gurney. We both watch Cleo sleep in his arms, she looks comfortable and happy with him, just like me.

Months later.

"Let's go see daddy, sweetheart" I say, clearing the entrance to the paddock. It was Cleo's first race since she was born, Carlos had been looking forward to this race for weeks, but didn't want to travel with her so young, so I waited for the Silverstone circuit. I'm in the process of moving to Madrid, but it's happening gradually because of the racing, the 2025 season has been unusual, Williams is finally scoring well, Carlos is having a great season so far, so I thought it was only right that we came to support his race.

Cleo babbles happily, clapping her hands as the team members greet us and joke with Cleo, my little traveler laughs to everyone. She is Miss Congeniality herself, drawing attention wherever he goes. When we finally arrive at the garage, we are greeted by the sound of an engine being tested, the mess of Netflix with the team and Carlos aside, talking to Alex as if they were two old gossips, and when he sees us, he smiles so wide it shines like the sun.

"¡Mi estrellita!" He talks loudly as he comes towards us, Cleo claps her hands and laughs, making the cute baby sounds, getting the team's attention, I don't mind seeing my little girl be his focus first, this is part of what I idealize paradise to be. Cleo laughs as Carlos kisses and tickles her, so I go to greet the team, ask James what his predictions are for the day's race and talk to Alex.

"Where's Lily? I thought I'd have company during the race" I look around, trying to find her, but I hear Alex sigh.

"She's at a golf tournament in Asia, she won't be back until Thursday" he says sadly "She wanted to come, especially since it was Cleo's first race, but she couldn't miss it..."

"Oh, and will it be broadcast? I want to root for her" I say, the two of us spent a long time talking until Carlos came to us, they are both blushing and smiling, which makes my heart skip a beat.

"Hey cutie, I loved your blue jumpsuit it suits you so much" Alex holds out his hands to her and of course my daughter goes with open arms to him, Alex takes her for a walk and sees her cats, giving me and Carlos a little time together.

"Hey cielo, Thank you for coming, it's important to have you here" he says and kisses me, wrapping his arm around my waist, keeping me close."I like this dress, any special occasions?" He says, looking me from head to toe, I try not to blush under his malicious scrutiny.

"I thought we could have dinner today after the race"

"Oh, really? I think we can request a special babysitting service from Lando and Charles... And extend our dinner to the room, what do you think?"

"Excellent! We can make things better then" I suggest, playing with the zipper on his suit.

"And how do you intend to make things better, mi cielo?" He asks quietly, and suddenly everything around us disappears, leaving just the two of us there. The air becomes thicker and my breathing is heavy with anticipation.

"A bet, if you win the race, I'm in your hands, otherwise, you'll be under my yoke, what do you think?" I suggest softly, he laughs, running his tongue over his lips as he stares at me.

"I'm in, and I'm prepared mi amor, because I'm going to be at the highest place on the podium today" He assures me and kisses me, the team calls him to run, I find Alex and Cleo in the corner of the garage, both playing with one of his kittens.

"Come on baby, let's let Uncle Alex run" I pick Cleo up and she whimpers, wanting to keep playing with the puppy. "then we play with the kitten, love, I promise" I say to to comfort her, Alex promises to leave the kitten with Cleo later. The two drivers prepare for the race and I decide to watch from Carlos' room. Cleo is not used to the noise of the cars and I don't want it to become a nuisance for her.

The whole race is full of unforeseen events and surprises, no one is really expecting Williams to perform well, but Carlos and Alex are getting everything they can out of the car, putting pressure on Lewis and Lando in the first positions, the last laps literally become a game of musical chairs, the four exchange risky overtakes, the last lap is marked by an interesting exchange and Carlos takes first place, with Lewis in second and Alex in third. Cleo and I celebrated in the pilot room until we were taken to the garage, When Carlos arrives, he is euphoric and celebrates with the team, I love seeing his joy, how well he is with Williams. He comes to us and picks Cleo up, throwing her in the air and making her laugh. I'm taken by surprise when he kisses me, amidst applause and screams from the team.

"Thank you, thank you for everything, mi amor, I love you, I love our family"

"I love you, chilli, and I know Cleo does too" I respond, leaving my face close to his and kissing him again. I never thought that my life would have such a huge turnaround and that I would end up here, once again in love with my best friend and, on top of that, being reciprocated by him. I thank each and every entity that has guided me to this moment, I thank my incredible partner, my perfect family and our wonderful family.

I watch Carlos go get his trophy, he refuses to leave Cleo in the garage and she loves being in the middle of the mess.

And I love seeing them.

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ALL RIGHTS RESERVED TO S-AWTURN™ 🪐. I do not allow copying or republication. Any unauthorized publication will be reported.

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I know what you want, but I want to hear you say || TW

summary: To Toto, you and your intentions are as transparent as glass, but that doesn't matter, he wants to hear you say it.

cw: Pure filth, mild smut, softdom!Toto, sub!reader, brat!reader, teasing on both sides, mild degradation.

a/n: nothing too long, just dirty daydreams of a Saturday morning.

You've been hovering around him all morning, giving him cute little smiles, bringing him coffee, massaging his shoulders randomly. You were restless and it was noticeable from miles away, he loved seeing your attempts to disguise, to keep a low profile, but Toto saw what you were implying between the lines, he knew you wanted to be bent over his desk, interfering with his work, being taken like a brat.

Honey, you were so transparent to him, Toto would realize your intentions in the dark, with a blindfold on.

He took off his glasses as he rubbed the bridge of his nose, not knowing exactly how long he had been in front of the computer, he looked up to catch a glimpse of you lying on the couch, watching your favorite TV show. Conveniently facing away from him, who would have guessed, right? You wore a flowery summer dress, made of light fabric and thin straps, the hem of the dress dangerously above the line between your thighs and your ass.

Toto tilted his head, seeing how the dress did little to cover her black lingerie, Toto felt his pants get tight in his crotch. He knew what you were up to, handing him cups of coffee, leaving her breasts very "absentmindedly" close to his face, giving a limitless view of her cleavage, or how her hips swayed in a hypnotic manner when you left the office. Wearing that far from innocent dress, the hints were there, and he would have to be blind not to see them; Toto tried to ease the discomfort of the pants over his cock, but apparently only you could solve that.

"Schatzi, can you come here"? He called you and seeing you look at him over your shoulder made his pants feel even tighter. Damn.

You jumped up from the sofa and walked quickly to the office, without asking for permission, you sat on his lap, available in a very convenient way. Toto kept his hand strategically placed on your thighs, caressing the soft skin, without breaking the limit of the dress, for now, you swung your feet, adjusting herself on his lap until she was comfortable — right on top of his hard cock, and heard him take a deep breath, you were reaching your limit and you knew it, like the provocative brat you were.

"What were you watching, schatzi?" He questioned, slowly spreading your thighs, exploring the warm skin slowly. You smiled, crossing your arms under your breasts, making your cleavage more evident. He put away the papers, closed the notebook, leaving the table clean and unoccupied for now.

"I wanted to watch Supernatural, but I ended up leaving it on Masterchef" you murmured, moving a little, making the hardened penis fit between your legs, exactly where you wanted it, drawing a harsher breath from the older man.

"I see... And was it good?" his fingers traced lines on your inner thigh, creating goosebumps on your skin, making you gasp.

"Too much!

Toto reached the soaked fabric of your panties, and you were literally dripping wet, the wet spot on your thighs didn't lie. You moaned and thrust your hips against his hand, leaning on the arm of the armchair and holding onto the oak table. Toto massaged your clitoris, very sensitive and swollen with need, he drew spirals on the delicate spot until leaving you on the edge of your orgasm, and then he stopped, listening to your moans.

"You're very easy to read, baby, such a sweet and transparent little thing, I can see all your desires, but..." he pressed his thumb again on her panties, rubbing the delicate lace against your clit, making you bite your lip and moan, unable to keep your eyes open "what do you want, baby?"

He stopped and you whimpered loudly, pushing your pelvis against him, wanting more contact, your legs were shaking and you lost strength in every second of torture.

"Baby- fuck! Please!" you moaned, pressing your nails into your palms, Toto was such a cruel son of a bitch...

"What? Sorry Schatzi, I don't understand, can you repeat that?" he snapped, but the response he got was your ass rubbing circles over his dick, making everything more exciting for both of you. He grunted, pushing his fingers into you, pressing against the wet lace, you rolled your eyes, it felt so good, wow, you could pass out right there. "What happened dear?" Toto questioned cynically.

He laughed, starting a crazy game, he stimulated your clit until he felt you tremble with the imminent orgasm and then he stopped, letting all the tension dissipate to start again, teasing you again.

“I know what you want, but I want to hear you ask for it” he held your chin as he pushed your panties to the side, inserting two fingers into your needy hole, making you scream. "What could my dirty, needy brat want now?" He moved his fingers, brushing your G-spot very superficially, making you tremble all over.

"Shit Toto-...!" You said between moans, squeezing the fingers moving in and out of you, controlling your orgasm.

"Huh? What?" He teased, removing his fingers, you almost collapsed, pissed that he had interrupted your orgasm again.

"Please, fuck... Fuck me soon, I want to cum so bad!" You exclaimed, grabbing the lapel of his shirt.

He smiled, placing you on the table, sitting with your legs open to him, you could barely support yourself with your arms and then you lay down as best you could on the furniture, Toto groaned at your surrender.

"I hope you don't like this pair" and with that said, he tore off your panties, licking a generous stripe across your pussy. "That's my fucking good girl, you just wanted to get fucked, didn't you, pretty girl? Being thrown onto this table and being fucked until you pass out was in your plans from an early age..

You rubbed your wet folds against his mouth, letting him fuck you however he pleased. You lost your breath.

"if that's what you wanted, then I'll give it to you, brat" and with that, he fell on top of you, fucking your pussy insanely.

Kimi Raikkonen is my new hyperfixation and I think I've read ALL of his stories here. I need more 😭 If anyone knows, please tag me in more, grateful 🫶🏼