Anyone In Their Social Circle Would Have Known That Camille And Darius Go Way Back , And They Were Best

          anyone  in  their  social  circle  would  have  known  that  camille  and  darius  go  way  back  ,  and  they  were  best  friends  before  they  were  lovers  .  maybe  that's  why  this  whole  ordeal  hurt  more  than  it's  supposed  to  be  ,  because  what's  worse  than  a  heartbreak  if  not  a  betrayal  from  someone  who  you  think  would  always  have  your  back  ?  camille  stays  quiet  at  his  question  ,  knows  well  that  she  had  been  one  of  the  reasons  for  why  he  starts  smoking  in  the  first  place  .  hands  raised  to  hug  herself  ,  as  if  trying  to  keep  herself  from  falling  apart  ,  a  reminder  that  she  would  have  to  push  through  this  conversation  no  matter  how  painful  it  would  be  .  after  all  she  doesn't  think  she  could  stand  seeing  him  around  and  not  talk  to  him  any  longer  ,  even  if  she  knows  he's  probably  sick  of  her  by  now  .  hell  ,  even  camille  knows  she's  sick  of  herself  .  how  could  she  not  ?

          she  feels  her  nails  digging  into  her  skin  at  the  thought  .  darius  has  been  nothing  but  nice  to  her   ——   he's  always  been  supportive  of  what  she  does  ,  never  seemed  to  question  her  choices  or  why  she  desperately  wanted  to  be  in  the  spotlight  when  he  himself  despises  it  .  he  never  cared  for  the  fame  and  attention  ,  and  even  when  their  relationship  wasn't  made  public  ,  he  always  made  her  feel  loved  and  seen  .  it's  not  like  they  were  unhappy  ,  and  yet  she  still  ended  up  in  another  man's  arms  ,  as  if  what  they  had  was  never  enough  to  begin  with  .  his  words  make  her  speechless  ,  feels  the  pang  of  guilt  rising  in  her  chest  .  camille  braces  herself  to  look  at  him  ,  trying  to  clear  the  lump  suddenly  caught  in  her  throat  .   “   i'm  sorry  ,   ”   she  blurts  out  ,  because  really  ,  what  else  is  she  supposed  to  say  to  that  ?

          “   i'm  sorry  ,   ”   she  repeats  ,  like  a  broken  record  .   “   i  really  am  .  i  know  i  fucked  up  so  bad  but  ,   ”   there's  a  pause  ,  a  moment  to  collect  herself  ,  and  a  sudden  realization  that  there  shouldn't  be  a  but  .   “   i'm  sorry  ,  okay  ?  that  was  so  fucking  stupid  of  me  and  i  know  saying  this  probably  wouldn't  make  a  difference  ,  but  fuck  it  ,  darius  .  it's  always  been  you  .  i've  never  loved  anyone  like  i  loved  you  .  i  mean  ,  i  still  fucking  do  ,  but  god  ,  that  doesn't  even  matter  now  ,  right  ?   ”   maybe  she  should  just  shut  the  fuck  up  .   “   you  don't  even  fucking  trust  me  anymore  .   ”

      not that there was much to prepare for, darius just didn't think they'd speak for awhile. awhile because they'd known each other for so long. he woke up one day and saw his best friend in a different light. for better or for worse. “ when do you think ?  ”   it's hard to not sound as bitter as he does. he shifts uncomfortably: leans onto the wall one second and then stands on his own weight the next. he doesn't make eye contact either. because her eyes, maybe he missed her eyes—dark brown and honey sweet. a part of him is sure she's here to remind him of what's been broken.       there is nothing like knowing someone so well. too well ? there's that prying question: did you go back to him? but it's none of his business and he bites his tongue at the thought. it's unfortunate for him that he knows her crave—the way camille rushes in for the affection, the validation. they're all with their own vices, he just never thought he'd be the one she was trading in. “  well, i didn't want to see you. ”   his family made that much clear. he knew they missed her more than they'd ever admit to him. it took them awhile to get used to her and it took them awhile to move onto the idea of her. “  how— ” he wants to say something snarky, ask her why she cares. but he knew why she cared. “  yeah. ”  darius expels a long sigh. he had practically held his breath since he saw her. then a rare, defeated, “  you hurt me, you know ? you didn't even consider me or what i was—to stay—god, cami, seeing you makes me wonder if i can ever trust anyone again. ” what he wants to say is: everyone could've wronged me but it was never supposed to be you.

Chuck Palahniuk, Invisible Monsters

          “   i  distinctly  remember  mentioning  it  to  you  though  ,  it's  not  my  fault  that  you  chose  not  to  listen  to  me  ,   ”   she  rolls  her  eyes  playfully  ,  couldn't  help  the  laugh  that  comes  out  after  .  maybe  there  is  a  possibility  that  she  might  have  left  that  information  out  when  they  were  talking  ,  but  confidence  is  key  ,  and  she's  never  been  one  to  admit  defeat  easily  ,  even  for  something  as  silly  as  this  .   “   god  ,  no  ,  can  you  even  imagine  that  ?  i  would  have  probably  came  back  from  the  dead  and  get  changed  because  there's  no  way  i'd  be  caught  looking  like  this  in  a  club  .  people  are  never  gonna  let  me  live  it  down  ,  dead  or  not   ——   i  could  never  recover  from  that  ,   ”   she  invites  herself  into  the  house  ,  hands  intertwined  as  they  make  their  way  to  aria's  room  .   “   oh  ,  don't  worry  ,  my  place  is  just  as  messy  ,  if  not  worse  .   ”   camille  gives  aria  a  reassuring  nod  ,  taking  a  step  behind  to  have  a  better  look  at  the  options  shown  to  her  .   “   i  know  i  said  we're  dressing  cute  ,  but  that  black  top  would  look  so  hot  on  you  ,  especially  with  a  longer  skirt  and  boots  .  and  i  know  the  ugly  bowling  shoes  are  such  a  buzzkill  ,  but  we  can  always  take  pictures  before  or  after  bowling   ——   seriously  ,  how  hard  it  is  to  make  cute  bowling  shoes  ?  is  it  just  not  possible  to  look  cute  while  we  bowl  ?  that  is  so  fuckin'  ridiculous  .   ”

"  i  distinctly  remember  you  not  mentioning  a  single  word  about  bowling  ,  "  now  she's  definitely  the  one  who's  not  dressed  for  the  occasion  ,  leather  mini  -  skirt  certainly  a  bit  much  to  be  spending  her  night  getting  drunk  and  rolling  balls  into  the  gutter  .  "  just  to  be  clear  ,  i  meant  no  offense  by  my  earlier  comment  i  just  know  you  and  i  know  you  wouldn't  be  caught  dead  in  a  club  with  jeans  on  ,  "  she  laughs  ,  her  head  motioning  towards  the  inside  of  her  house  ,  a  silent  invitation  to  come  inside  .  "  i'll  get  changed  and  now  that  you're  here  you  can  help  me  pick  something  better  to  wear  ,  "  cold  fingers  are  laced  between  camille's  pulling  her  towards  her  room  where  they're  met  with  the  sight  of  various  pieces  of  aria's  clothing  sprawled  out  between  the  floor  and  her  bed  .  "  don't  mind  the  mess  ,  i  was  having  a  bit  of  an  outfit  crisis  .  .  .  "  hands  are  freed  as  aria  crosses  through  her  room  ,  heading  straight  for  her  closet  .  "  okay  ,  this  one  ,  or  this  one  ?  "  she  holds  out  the  two  for  cami  to  get  a  good  look  at  ,  "  or  i  could  go  with  like  a  longer  skirt  with  boots  ?  ugh  ,  but  then  we're  gonna  have  to  wear  those  ugly  bowling  shoes  so  it  really  doesn't  even  matter  ,  huh  ?  "

          maybe  if  this  was  another  person  ,  camille  wouldn't  be  so  persistent  ,  but  she  doesn't  think  she  could  easily  let  darius  go  .  sure  ,  she's  fully  aware  by  now  that  she's  the  fucking  problem  ,  and  it's  times  like  this  that  reminds  her  she  wouldn't  always  get  what  she  wants  ,  but  that  doesn't  mean  she'd  just  sit  back  and  do  nothing  about  it  .  not  when  darius  is  right  here  ,  and  all  she  could  think  about  is  how  she  could  possibly  turn  back  time  so  they  would  still  be  together   ——  she  knows  it's  a  little  too  late  for  that  right  now  ,  but  still  ,  camille  likes  to  believe  she  would've  done  the  right  thing  if  she  was  given  the  chance  .  after  all  you  never  know  what  you  got  until  it's  gone  ,  right  ?

          his  answer  isn't  what  she  hopes  for  ,  and  even  when  he's  trying  to  be  nice  about  it  ,  camille  thinks  he's  just  fucking  with  her  right  now  .   “   so  you  don't  believe  it  ,   ”   she  remarks  ,  feels  another  tear  fall  down  her  cheek  .  camille  knows  she  should  just  bite  her  tongue  ,  should  just  suck  it  up  for  now  and  gives  him  more  time  to  think  ,  but  she  doesn't  really  has  any  patience  for  that  .  all  that  she's  hearing  now  is  that  darius  no  longer  wants  to  be  friends  with  her  ,  and  as  much  as  she  deserves  it  ,  it  makes  her  more  upset  than  anything  else  .  god  ,  she  could  feel  her  whole  body  trembling  at  this  moment  .   “   why  though  ?   ”   she  repeats  ,  hands  curling  into  ball  of  fists  on  her  side  .  did  he  know  that  she  went  back  to  julien  while  he  was  away  ?  then  again  ,  it's  not  like  they're  keeping  it  a  secret  this  time  ,  she  wouldn't  be  surprised  if  he  knew  .

          “   because  i  don't  love  him  ,  that's  why  .   ”   she  breathes  ,   “   he  means  nothing  to  me  ,  darius  .  he's  just  some  guy  i  fuck  around  with  ,  that's  all  .   ”   and  it's  the  truth  ,  but  it's  hard  to  believe  her  words  when  everyone  knows  she's  been  spotted  around  julien  grimaldi  often  enough  that  it  would  be  ridiculous  to  assume  otherwise  ,  even  if  most  of  the  time  it's  just  them  arguing  in  the  middle  of  the  street  .  things  have  always  been  so  complicated  between  them  anyways  .   “   i  just  didn't  know  what  to  do  when  you  left  me  ,   ”   she  knows  she  shouldn't  go  back  to  julien  though  ,  given  their  history  ,  and  yet  that's  what  she  fucking  did  .   “   well  ,  it's  true  that  i  did  go  back  to  him  ,  but  we're  already  broken  up  at  the  time  ,  so  it  doesn't  really  matter  now  ,  does  it  ?  and  please  ,  if  you  don't  think  we'd  ever  be  friends  anymore  ,  just  fucking  say  it  .   ”   it's  easier  for  me  to  let  you  go  that  way  .

     camille sure knows how to lean into the dramatics. maybe it wasn't always a conscious decision but she drags the hurt out in the exact way he dreaded when he recognized her. “ you're in no position to make any demands from me.  ”   it's not meant to be a challenge but maybe his tone makes it that way. it's not like he'd be any less callous. they way she handled them built up so much resentment in himself. he's not sure where to put that hurt down.     people like camille don't change overnight. the year that he was away was not enough for anything grand to take place. he thinks that maybe it's a little bit of his own fault for playing into her behavior when they were together. he did what she wanted, found ways to do it before she even asked. from where he was standing, it was princess behavior. some people don't really grow up. though it's not like he was very grown himself. “ i want to believe that at some point we could be friends again but that's all i can say for now.  ”   that's the thing about knowing someone so well. he's sure he's had that thought a million times over tonight. he knew her too well and it was difficult to see them at odds. she really would stand outside all night for an answer from him (they're both so stubborn). he eyes her up and down with a look of pity. julien grimaldi didn't seem to cut it for her but that was never darius' problem. “ why though? where's your white boy?  ”  

closed  starter  for  ria  @rhiannvns setting:  any  thrift  store

          usually  spotted  wearing  designer  clothes  when  she's  out  and  about  ,  most  people  aren't  aware  of  the  fact  that  camille  also  enjoys  thrifting  once  in  a  while  .  browsing  through  the  new  arrivals  section  ,  she  comes  across  a  fellow  patron  who  she  notices  has  been  eyeing  a  certain  clothing  for  a  while  .   “   you  should  get  that  one  .  i  think  it'd  look  really  cute  on  you  ,   ”   she  encourages  .  sure  ,  nobody  asked  for  her  opinion  ,  but  she  figures  it  won't  hurt  to  say  something  anyways  .

          camille  is  very  much  aware  that  she  should  have  never  gone  back  to  julien  .  anyone  in  their  right  mind  wouldn't  ,  but  that's  the  thing  ,  she  wasn't  in  her  right  mind  when  she  came  back  crawling  to  him  .  it's  a  bold  move  ,  shameless  even  ,  because  while  the  public  already  had  a  target  on  her  back  ,  she  went  and  did  the  only  one  thing  that  she  shouldn't  have   ——   her  reputation  has  already  been  tainted  anyways  ,  but  it  gets  worse  every  time  julien  grimaldi  is  involved  .  still  ,  she  finds  herself  enjoying  every  second  of  it  .  maybe  deep  down  this  is  what  she  wants  :  the  push  and  pull  ,  the  never  -  ending  cycle  of  fighting  and  making  up  ,  the  intense  hatred  mixed  with  desire  .  she  knows  he's  no  good  for  her  ,  and  yet  she  couldn't  seem  to  find  a  way  to  leave  (  she  already  did  once  ,  but  is  it  considered  leaving  if  she  still  comes  back  around  like  this  ?  )  ,  and  now  that  she  and  darius  are  already  broken  up  ,  there's  nothing  stopping  her  from  falling  back  into  old  habits  .  maybe  she's  a  little  fucked  in  the  head  ,  but  she  loves  the  idea  of  being  with  julien  ,  how  he  always  bring  out  the  worst  in  her  .  it  makes  her  feel  alive  in  a  way  ,  and  it  doesn't  help  that  he  knows  just  the  right  ways  to  keep  her  around  either  .  but  things  with  julien  are  just  that  ,  something  she  clings  to  for  some  sort  of  relevancy  ,  something  that  makes  playing  the  villain  a  little  more  tolerable  .  after  all  two  is  better  than  one  ,  right  ?

          it's  all  fun  and  games  between  them  ,  but  she  couldn't  deny  that  every  time  he  calls  her  name  in  that  stupidly  sexy  french  accent  of  his  ,  it  makes  her  feel  giddy  for  all  the  wrong  reasons  .  sure  ,  he's  got  a  fucking  point  .   “   well  ,  if  you  put  it  that  way  ,   ”   she  lets  her  words  trail  instead  .  julien  definitely  has  the  upper  hand  in  this  situation  ,  but  maybe  it's  about  time  she  puts  him  back  in  his  place  .   “   wait  ,  did  you  hear  that  ?   ”   a  brief  pause  for  dramatic  effect  ,   “   that's  the  sound  of  me  not  giving  a  single  fuck  about  what  you  think  .  but  you  know  what  ?  i'll  give  you  that   ——   it's  true  that  you  make  it  so  fucking  hard  for  me  to  leave  sometimes  ,  but  don't  get  it  twisted  ,  yeah  ?  you're  not  that  special  to  me  .   ”   this  time  camille  drops  the  smile  on  her  face  ,  gaze  still  on  his  ,   “   if  you  still  didn't  get  the  fucking  hint  ,  i'm  dumping  your  ass  ,  jules  .  and  please  ,  keep  his  name  out  of  your  fucking  mouth  .  you  have  no  rights  to  talk  about  him  like  that  .   ”   it's  almost  laughable  how  she  still  wants  to  protect  darius  when  she  was  the  one  who  hurt  him  the  most  ,  but  really  ,  she  could  tell  that  julien  probably  brings  him  up  on  purpose  ,  knows  that  she'd  get  all  worked  up  over  the  mention  of  her  ex  .

                    julien   isn’t   some   shining   example   of   a   good   guy   .       no   ,   far   from   it   .       he’s   selfish   ,   oozing   ego   and   packed   with   a   substantial   dose   of   narcissism   .       so   damn   convinced   he’s   the   center   of   the   universe   ,   so   damn   sure   that   anyone   who’s   ever   heard   of   him   wants   him   .       and   honestly   ,   he’s   not   entirely   wrong   .       plenty   of   people   would   kill   to   be   camille   right   now   ,   would   act   like   the   perfect   little   partner   for   the   perfect   little   prince   .       but   that’s   the   thing   ,   julien   doesn’t   want   that   .       he   wants   the   drama   ,   the   thrill   of   the   chase   ,   that   intense   heat   .       and   camille   delivers   just   that   —   she   brings   the   fire   ,   the   passion   ,   the   intensity   ,   and   gives   him   just   enough   of   that   ‘   love   to   hate   you   ’   energy   to   get   him   completely   hooked   .       he   loves   the   way   her   eyes   practically   roll   into   the   back   of   her   head   but   still   betray   desire   .       loves   the   way   she   yells   at   him   in   public   ,   making   them   the   talk   of   every   tabloid   website   .       and   he   absolutely   loves   explosive   shouting   matches   that   only   wind   down   when   they’re   both   naked   ,   spent   ,   and   blissfully   satisfied   .       but   does   he   love   her   ?       no   .       he   loves   that   she’s   his   ,   that   she   brings   something   thrilling   to   a   life   that’s   supposed   to   be   so   dull   and   boring   .       and   that’s   the   reason   ,       (   and   he’ll   swear   it’s   the   only   reason   )   ,       why   he’s   never   gonna   walk   away   .

                    maybe   this   was   his   plan   all   along   —   to   bring   out   this   side   of   her   .       then   again   ,   maybe   he   actually   thought   she   had   a   shred   of   loyalty   to   him   .       who   really   knows   with   this   guy   ?       “   ooooh   ,   now   that’s   the   feisty   camille   i   know   and   love   .   ”       a   smirk   appears   to   lips   as   index   finger   traces   her   jawline   ,   a   gentle   mockery   of   affection   .       “   you   forget   ,   chérie   —   the   last   time   your   loyalty   slipped   ,   wasn’t   it   my   name   on   your   lips   ?       you   say   you   don’t   do   loyalty   ,   i   say   you’ve   been   mine   ,   all   mine   ,   since   you   cheated   on   that   little   boyfriend   of   yours   .   ”       the   real   message   here   boils   down   to   the   fact   that   julien   is   a   horrible   human   being   .       he   couldn’t   care   less   about   loyalty   or   who   she’s   with   ,   at   least   as   long   as   he   fits   into   the   picture   somehow   .       but   ,   oh   ,   if   she   ever   considers   revisiting   things   with   her   ex   ,   that’s   where   he   draws   a   line   .       hits   a   nerve   on   his   fragile   ego   ,   maybe   ?       “   enough   with   this   ‘   shoo   ,   bad   boy   ’   act   .       weren’t   you   saying   the   same   just   last   week   ?       and   the   week   before   ?       and   yet   ,   here   you   are   .       seems   you   cannot   resist   ,   eh   ?       oh   ,   but   suddenly   ,   you’re   turning   a   new   leaf   for   your   oh - so - bland   ex - boyfriend   ,   just   because   he’s   made   his   grand   retour   ?       mon   dieu   ,   that’s   truly   …       fuckin’   disappointing   .   ”