I Can't Stop Thinking About How Hilarious The Timeline Changes In The Movie Are, Because In The Book

I can't stop thinking about how hilarious the timeline changes in the movie are, because in the book the state dinner is 3 weeks after nye so it makes sense that alex would still somewhat count new years as the beginning of their relationship yk

but in the movie it's THREE MONTHS

so henry kissed alex, ghosted him for THREE. MONTHS. and alex was still like "oh yeah we've been a thing since new years" like I'm sorry mr down bad what the FUCK were you doing for those three months? planning your wedding? naming your children? if henry was spotted w a rando at the end of february, would alex count that as cheating? because they've been together for 2 months at this point after all. when they meet as the state dinner is that hookup their 3 month anniversary celebration?

like no wonder henry made this face

imagine being henry, you ghost this man for 3 whole months and afterwards you find out that turns out according to this dumbass you were apparently in a relationship the whole time

Rewatching red white and royal blue for like the 9th time rn…

God it’s so good.

I had a tiring day at school so this was perfect ❤️

Watch red white and royal blue. Love y’all <33

AJEEOSNWL ITS 6AM RIGHT NOW 😭😭😭😭😭

Look at Us Now - ch. 15

Fic masterlist

This is the last flashback😭😭 I’m emotional

Warnings: language, postpartum depression

Words: 3,3k

Aelin’s legs were burning. All of her muscles felt heavy, which didn’t help her back pain, and with a blurred vision and dulled senses, she kept gently bouncing on that yoga ball. And bouncing. And bouncing. Aelin had no idea for how long she had been doing this, but it was the only way Maisie would stop crying.

Looking around, the white walls of her new home were bare, no watch in sight. There was a TV, but Aelin was so stressed she might throw the remote against the screen. With her phone in her bedroom, the only thing she could do was look at Maisie and keep bouncing on that yoga ball.

Her baby looked blissful as ever, letting little squeals of delight when Aelin would get particularly anguished and push her legs harder than needed. It only made her feel worse.

Maisie. Her daughter’s toothless grins didn’t always make her feel rewarded, sometimes they felt more like a reminder of how oblivious her baby was to the disaster that was Aelin’s attempts at being a proper mother.

Aelin couldn’t quite swallow the lump in her throat, so it came back as tears streaming down her face, her heart constricting and bleeding as she wondered why. Why couldn’t she just muscle through this? Why did she flinch every time her baby began to cry? Why couldn’t she stop thinking about herself, her feelings and her fatigue when Aelin vowed to put Maisie first when she found out about the pregnancy?

She wiped away the mix of tears and sweat from her face, her sore legs now trembling. Aelin was a doctor, she knew what was about to happen. Her muscles were giving out, but she wouldn’t.

Maisie was a colicky baby, she’d recently found out. Hours of bouncing on a yoga ball was better than hours of listening to her scream bloody murder for no reason.

Aelin strained her legs harder, groaning through the pain. She saw Dr. Blackbeak recently, who confirmed her postpartum depression and told her to find time to put herself first, get a support system. That sounded like a joke now.

She muffled her screams with her forearm, her muscles feeling like they were being ripped to shreds. Aelin would’ve fallen on the floor if she hadn’t been at an arm’s length from the couch, but she dragged herself out of the yoga ball and laid on the couch.

Maisie’s first wail came the second Aelin stopped bouncing.

She shushed and soothed her daughter, but the longer she stayed away from the yoga ball, the louder those screams got, making Aelin wonder how her ears weren’t bleeding yet.

Her legs had rested for what? Thirty seconds? More than enough. God, she wished someone would’ve told her having a baby was harder than military training. When Aelin was getting out of the couch to get back to that damned yoga ball. She heard a car pulling up in the garage. Her shoulders immediately dropped, some tension in her body immediately being released. Rowan was here.

Except that when the door was opened, the person that came through it was Dorian Havilliard.

She frowned. “What are you doing here?”

He pointed at her crying baby. “What’s wrong with that thing?”

Aelin’s eyes darted between Maisie and a very relaxed Dorian, an idea perking her up. She pointed at the yoga ball. “Can you sit on that thing for me?”

“What?”

“Sit on that thing now!” Aelin snapped, out-screaming Maisie.

Dorian ran towards it, his hand up in surrender. When he held the baby and bounced on the ball under his friend’s commands, the silence coming from Maisie was music to Aelin’s ears. She closed her eyes and let her muscles melt into the couch.

“Thank you,” Aelin told her friend, as earnest one could get. Still, despite her legs’ protests, she got up to get her phone.

She’d been debating for days if she’d use Dr. Blackbeak’s prescription, but the yoga ball was her last straw. If she couldn’t produce serotonin enough to go through her day, those synthetic doses would have to do.

“Where are you going?” Dorian asked.

“Getting my phone. I need to buy some meds.”

“Stay down.” He pointed at the couch, and took his phone out of his pocket without letting Maisie make a fuss. ”Here, take mine.”

In a matter of minutes, Aelin downloaded her online prescription in Dorian’s phone and ordered just the antidepressant to be delivered. She had two prescriptions, but the sleeping pills would require her to stop breastfeeding, and Aelin wasn’t ready for that yet.

“She’s asleep,” he announced, “can I sit on the couch too now?”

“No, keep bouncing.”

He frowned. “But my back hurts.”

“Good thing you’re an ortho.”

Dorian rolled his eyes, but complied. When he unlocked his phone, his eyebrows went up for a second, but he quickly forced his face back into neutrality. “I thought you’d stopped taking these.”

“So did I.” Aelin swallowed, her chest tightening to think of all the hard work she did to send her depression into remission, vanished. Dorian didn’t know details or the extent of her disorder, he just saw medication boxes and likely took his conclusions, until they weren’t there anymore. She never felt like telling, and he never asked.

In an attempt to stop Dorian from asking further questions, she took a—finally—asleep Maisie from his arms and placed her on the little bassinet that stayed wherever in the house Aelin was. In this case, the living room.

Still, her friend’s eyes never left Aelin. He had that little crease between his brows and a determined look in his eyes, a telltale sign of how much the engines in his mind were working, and Aelin just wanted to evaporate and leave his scrutinizing gaze.

Truth was, Dorian is so smart it’s annoying, and it’s not hard to piece together why a woman with a history of depression is buying antidepressants two months after giving birth.

“She’s got quite the lungs, huh?” Her friend’s voice was soft.

Aelin gave him a sidelong glance. “You haven’t seen half of it.”

He snorted, but his mood sobered before he asked, “And what about Hot Lieutenant?”

“He‘s a really good dad, and he helps me take a break at night and most weekends. He's been getting shitty work schedules ever since horny jail, though.”

”And when he isn’t here?”

Aelin smiled at her baby, and wiggled her fingers against her little tummy, careful enough to not wake her up. “Then Maisy Daisy and I have some girl time together.”

“Ouch.” Dorian pressed a hand to his chest in mock-offense. “And you didn’t invite me?”

“No, and here you are,” Aelin joked about the fact that he—thankfully—showed up at her house uninvited today.

“Yeah.” He stole a glance her way, his eyes tentative. “And I was wondering if you and Hot Lieutenant wouldn’t mind seeing me more often.”

Aelin frowned, her attention fully on Dorian this time. “What do you mean?

“You know I almost only work in the mornings so I can focus on the gym, but I clearly don’t need it since…” he gestured towards the yoga ball. “Your daughter’s a little personal trainer.”

She froze, already knowing where he was getting to. “Dorian, you don’t have to—“

He held a finger up. “I won’t even ask why you refuse to hire a nanny—“

”Rowan and I decided it’s too soon to trust a stranger—“

“Then let me help!” Dorian interrupted, his voice a little higher than what was safe in a place with a sleeping baby. “Look, Aelin, this isn’t about me or you.” His face kept serious, but his eyes had a playful glint now. “Every kid deserves a rich, gay uncle. And I need to step up to unclehood.”

Chuckling, Aelin bowed her head, running a rand through it when she sat on the couch. “Can you even change a diaper?”

“No.”

She looked up at him with raised eyebrows. “Can you burp her?”

“I can do a Heimlich Maneuver, treat infant musculoskeletal conditions and bounce on the yoga ball.”

Aelin threw her head back and cackled. “Perfect. You’re hired.”

“Yes!” Dorian did a fist pump. “Just talk to that broody baby daddy of yours, okay?” He hummed. “Maybe he’ll even like me after he sees what a perfectly good uncle I am.”

Yeah, that might be a problem, but she didn’t care. Rowan didn’t want somebody they didn’t trust with Maisie, but Aelin trusted Dorian. A lot. And the fact that he’s her ex became insignificant considering that Rowan made it very clear he isn’t romantically interested in her. Which was still a punch to the gut, but Aelin had bigger things going on.

“He likes you,” she lied, “he’s just… Rowan.”

Dorian pressed his lips together, trying to keep a straight face. “He looks at me as if the law is the only thing keeping me alive.”

Aelin chuckled, leaning into him. “I’ll talk to him. When can you come?”

He hummed, putting a thumb up to start finger-counting. “I have my job at the clinic in the mornings.” Another finger up. “Then I’ll get to my second job as a nanny in the afternoons.” A third finger up. “And my third, nightly job is to do very dirty things to your neighbor down the street. Rinse and repeat.”

“Gross. How’s Fenrys?”

“Good. He misses living with Rowan.” Dorian’s eyes were soft while he talked about his situationship, before he sent her a puzzled look. “How’s your lunch situation?”

”Rowan preps everything, don’t worry about it.”

“Are you sure?” Dorian put an arm around her and slid his other hand in the air in front of them, as in a movie character showing another a new, magical world. “Because there’s this new restaurant in front of the clinic, it’s to die for. I could bring us risottos and—“

Dorian was interrupted by the sound of the doorknob turning, and Aelin would easily get distracted by the sight of Rowan in a uniform if he didn’t look so pissed.

He eyed his daughter asleep and quietly closed the door, but the coldness in his eyes told her everything he was feeling.

Rowan held a plastic pharmacy bag towards Dorian. “The delivery guy gave me this.”

“Oh.” Feeling her face heat, Aelin got up, very aware of Rowan’s eyes on her shoulder, where Dorian’s arm was. “This is mine.”

“I should go,” her friend’s voice was low and tight as he took a step away from her.

“Yeah.” Aelin sent him a weak smile. “Rowan and I should talk. Talk to you later?”

“Um.” Dorian’s eyes landed on Maisie, his hand scratching the back of his head. “Do you want me to watch her while you talk?”

“I can take care of my own baby, thank you.” Rowan’s tone was taut, he was barely able to hide his annoyance.

“Yeah, of course.” Dorian took a step back, one hand on the doorknob. “See ya.”

The second that door was closed, Aelin took Rowan’s wrist and led him to the kitchen, away from their sleeping baby. Her body was heated with anger, the hateful tone he used with Dorian ringing inside her head.

“Why would you talk to him like that?” She shouted after closing the kitchen door. ”He’ll never want to come here if you act like this.”

Rowan shrugged. “I’m fine with that.”

“I’m not! Look…” Aelin rubbed both hands against her face and sat down, gesturing to Rowan to do the same. “Dorian offered extra help with Maisie in the afternoons. I said yes.”

His face fell. “He did what?”

Aelin took a second to calm the roaring in her blood and tone down her voice. “Look, I knew you weren’t gonna like it, but guess what, I don’t like needing help either. I asked for it before, you said no because you need someone you trust. Now I found—“

“A person I trust even less than a stranger, that’s what you found.”

“Because you never got to know him!” Aelin got up from her seat, her tone turning more into a plea. “I trust him, and you should trust me on that.”

“No.” He took a deep breath, got up too and looked straight into Aelin’s eye. “I don’t know him, or his intentions, and I can’t have him here in the long term.” Rowan’s voice was getting higher by the second. “It’s day one and I already got home to find his arm wrapped around my…”

”Your what?” Aelin challenged, closed fists on her hips as she kept her chin high. “You made it very clear I’m not your wife, not your girlfriend, not even your situationship. Why do you care?”

He didn’t reply, just stood with a pained look, his jaw twitching as she watched a million different emotions she couldn’t decipher from his eyes only.

“Rowan, look.” She got closer and held his hand with both of hers. “The only reason Dorian and I started dating was because our difficult schedules were very similar during residency. It was easy, it was fun, it was comfortable, but it was never that serious.” She caressed his cheek with her thumb, her eyes soft and earnest. “And even if we were dating when I got pregnant, I never, ever, wished he was Maisie’s father instead of you.”

“I’m sorry, Aelin, I can’t do this.” His body felt heavy when he hung his head against her shoulder. “I can’t watch him play house with you and my daughter while I’m at work.”

”Shh, it’s okay,” she soothed, running her fingers on his head now that he looked particularly wrecked. This was just one possible solution to a bigger problem which she couldn’t postpone the solution anymore. “But there’s one more thing I wanted to talk to you about.”

They both sat back down facing each other, and Aelin took a moment to herself, her heart racing. Her family and Dorian knew bits and pieces of her depression disorder because they either witnessed her episodes or saw the pills scattered around her bedroom. Aelin wasn’t ashamed of her condition, it just never felt necessary to give anyone a full disclosure of her mental illness. Until today.

“The pills I bought today. They’re antidepressants.”

Aelin’s insides were too twitchy, her breath too shallow as Rowan slid the chair backwards, its scraping sound strident against the floor.

“Did he tell you to take them?”

Her insides fell to the bottom of her stomach. “What?”

Rowan slammed his fist against the table, his expression as tight as his face was red. “Those pills were under Dorian’s name. Everything was fine, and after one visit, you have depression and need him back into your life to take care of you. Can’t you see what’s going on?”

“Rowan, I’m trying to tell you something,” Aelin begged, her voice breaking.

”And I’m trying to tell another.” He put both hands on the table and looked deep into her eyes. “You. Are. Not. Depressed.” Rowan took a step back. “You’re not,” he repeated with dazed eyes, as if he was saying that to himself. “We’re happy. You’re just a little overwhelmed, but we’re a small, happy family.”

Aelin opened and closed her mouth, struggling to find words. All she knew was that sinking feeling in her stomach and the sudden numbness she felt.

She was taking baby steps into the water to know if the water’s cold, and it’s fucking freezing. Time to take a step back, rethink.

“Okay…” she trailed, her eyebrows pinching together. “How would you feel if I actually needed the pills?”

“You don’t…” Rowan blinked, his eyes distant. “I mean, can you even breastfeed when you take these?”

“Oh!” Aelin barked a sardonic laugh, all that ache in her chest turning into something deeper, much more sour. “I’ve been telling you I’m miserable for weeks, and that’s your first concern? My ability to breastfeed Maisie?”

Rowan blinked, his mouth hanging open for a second. “Of course I’m concerned about that,” he fumbled, “why wouldn’t I be concerned?”

“Because I matter too!” Aelin roared, and all the strength in her body left with her words, ripping through her aching throat to taint the entire house with the rage and despair she’d buried for so long.

She fell back to that chair, both hands on her face as she broke in sobs. Aelin couldn’t even take a deep breath, since the air came to her lungs in short, shaky shudders and her shoulders barely held her weight.

Rowan kneeled next to her, hugging her frame. “You do.”

But Aelin couldn’t stop thinking about his denial of her problem. She knew all about the stigma surrounding postpartum depression. What would he think?

”You do.” He kissed the side of her head one, two times. “You matter so much to me.”

Would Rowan trust her with Maisie after knowing about her diagnosis? How would she convince him she’s a good mother when most days she didn’t believe it herself?

”I’m sorry.” Rowan kissed her shoulder and hugged her tight. “Of course you do.”

Would he use that against her and try to get Maisie’s guard? Would he take her to court if he knew her mental illness was chronic, not only while Maisie is a baby?

Aelin’s first step into her own recovery was to back down.

“That’s okay. I don’t think I’ll take the pills anyway,” she lied while leaning away to caress his cheeks. “The doctor gave me the prescription in case my… baby blues got too bad, but you’re right. I don’t think I need them.”

“Thank you.” Still kneeling beside her, Rowan closed his eyes, leaned his forehead against her shoulder and released a shaky breath. “It was just a bad day, right?”

“Sure.” Aelin’s throat felt sore and thick, almost as if her own body was trying to stop her, but she managed, “Can I ask you just one more thing?”

He got up, sat on the chair next to hers and squeezed her hand. “Anything.”

Aelin felt like her heart was being ripped to shreds, but she needed to do this.

Rowan wouldn’t understand her mental illness. Rowan wouldn’t let her get extra help. Rowan wouldn’t be anything more than a platonic co-parent to her. She was letting herself be in this state for what? Pining over a man who was going to play house with her until he found some unbroken woman to replace Aelin with?

“I need you to leave.”

“Sure.” He got up, looking around the kitchen. “I need to do some groceries, do you want me to take Maisie? We—“

“Rowan,” she interrupted, “we’ve been co-parenting Maisie together in this house, right?”

He nodded, looking confused.

“Well, I need us to do this with some distance now.” Aelin’s voice was breaking, a few rogue tears streaming down her face again.

”Oh.” He took a step back, his expression blank. “You want me leave, leave.”

Her eyes were pleading as she explained, “We both agreed this living arrangement was temporary, and—“

“You’re kicking me out?” His tone was high-pitched around an incredulous laugh.

Aelin tilted her head, lips wobbling. “I’m sorry.”

“Why? Will you—“ he trailed, looking around her kitchen as if he was looking for answers. “Will you feel better if I leave?”

Aelin swallowed the lump in her throat. “Yes.”

Rowan went stiff, staring with a lost look, blinking aimlessly at her until something shifted. He nodded, agreeing with her terms. In a matter of seconds, all the tenderness in Rowan’s eyes froze into cold fury, and Aelin had a feeling it’d never melt back to what it was again.

A/N: I felt like a part of me was being ripped off when I was finishing this chapter and it’s only the end of the flashbacks omfg I’m so not ready to finish this fic

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Watching the Red White and Royal Blue movie and god it is just so refreshing to have two adult men fall in love and have the stereotypically fairy tale romantic affair like a politically charged hallmark movie

Like absolutely nothing against teen queer coming of age stories, I adore them and they’re so important but it’s just so nice to have adults falling in love, adults with plans and motivations but still figuring things out a little, real actual adults with hobbies and passions and accomplishments, getting to just be queer and in love and they are the main characters within their own lives

And they’re in a rom-com, a full on rom-com with the cheesiness and the drama and the sweet, fluffy romance where everything is resolved in the end and it’s queer. It never shies away from the queerness, they make out, they have sex, they gaze lovingly into each other’s eyes, they make silly jokes and get to adore each other

It’s so refreshing, it’s so nice to have this type of story, this story for the adult queers, a comfort film like to Mamma Mia, that’s full of heart and enjoyment and fun, with queerness at the forefront

Him being happy is everything i ever needed

AHHHHHHHHRHFJSKND

oh they want us dead (casey via threads)