
Hoard of your resident sarcastic ace friend. Somewhere between 25 and 250. Asexual/Demisexual, Cis, She/Her/Hers. Posts a lot about: D&D, language learning, LGBT+ content, social justice, and fiber arts. Also cats and books.
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How To Be ASomewhat Successful DM - Part 1 - Writing A Campaign In 10 Easy Steps
How To Be A Somewhat Successful DM - Part 1 - Writing A Campaign In 10 Easy Steps
Step 1: Get an idea. Your idea doesn’t have to be super specific, it can be as simple as “hey, pirates are cool, what if I made a campaign with some pirates”.
Step 2: Get yourself a notebook to scribble your idea in. This is the breeding ground of idiocy and genius alike. I have two notebooks because I’m insane and write too many campaigns

Step 3: Develop that idea from earlier. You want pirates? What do the pirates want? Are they good or bad? And why do the players care? What is their quest? Most importantly, come up with an end objective for the campaign. You want a goal for the players to aim for. Even if you don’t reveal the true goal immediately, you’ll need one to plan around.
Step 4: Vomit up all your general ideas and notions about what you might like in the campaign. Just take a page in your notebook and write a list of everything you think you might include. Plot points, monsters, loot, whatever, just put it down on paper. You can sort through it later. This is what my idea page looks like (censored in some places for spoiler reasons):

Step 5: How to get from the start to the end. You’ve got the end point, the Big Bad, but you need some slightly smaller bads along the way. I usually plan around 5 or 6 lower level villains to defeat before the players reach the Main Fight. These fights are best connected to the end goal, where we get major story progression. Between these fights have a variety of smaller challenges, some story related and some more in the ranks of random encounters.
Step 6: Develop a world. It can be anything you like but make sure that you establish the rules and stick to them. Consistency is important. Figure kingdoms/cities/planets or whatever and how they all work together in your plot.
Step 7: Make some NPCs. This is the fun part in my opinion. Give them some depth, an actual personality and motives of their own. How do they serve the plot? Why do the players need them? Do they get to join the party? They can be an ally, a villain, a betrayer, anything. Just so long as you give them a purpose.
Step 8: Detail time. Time to flesh out those enemies. Give them appearances, abilities, personality. The Big Bad needs a purpose and a way it can be defeated. If you want to make your own monsters as well, I’d advise thinking of one or two traits that make you Uncomfortable and adding those. If you want a monster to be scary, be descriptive. If it makes your skin crawl, it will probably do the same to the players.
Step 9: Time to start writing sessions. Don’t write anything too specific or detailed, the players aren’t about to cooperate with that. Just write the most important points of what will happen, notes to yourself of what you need to mention and the stats of monsters or characters that are relevant. You’ve got to be prepared to improvise.
Step 10: Finishing touches. Get yourself a list of loot. Get the backstories of your players so you can add finer details to the campaign to give them a personal stake. Make a map (and let no one touch it). Figure out how you’re going to hook your players into the story. Make yourself a roll20 or discord or what have you. Find some music. Then you can play.
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More Posts from Sarcasticacefriend
Hotlinks to all Tables: A complete list of every trinket table for quicker access compared to scrolling through the entire blog or sifting through the archive. This also functions as the easiest link to reblog or save for reference purposes as it’s updated with each new table. Now with 73 full d100 loot tables.
-Minor Magical Items: Semi useful magical objects (If not always useful to an adventurer) that have little to no drawbacks associated with their use and are perfect for low level characters.
-Minor Magic Items, 1 / -Minor Magic Items, 2
-Minor Magic Items, 3
-Unique Weapons: Blades, bludgeons and bows of all shapes, sizes and mysterious backgrounds. Distinctive weapons that can serve as the basis for family heirlooms, legendary artifacts and magical or masterwork weapons.
-Unique Weapons, 1 / -Unique Weapons, 2
-Unique Weapons, 3 / -Unique Weapons, 4
-Unique Weapons, 5 / -Unique Weapons, 6
-Masterwork Weapon Bonuses: A variety of weapon improvements, enhancements and modifications created though superior craftsmanship. These masterpieces are more powerful than ordinary weapons but in most cases would not be considered “magic” or “+1” weapons.
-Masterwork Weapon Bonuses, 1
-Sealed Glass Vials: Faulty potions, weak elixirs, alchemical supplies, spell components, ritual elements, enchanting materials, crafting ingredients and magically preserved biological samples.
-Sealed Glass Vials, 1 / -Sealed Glass Vials, 2
-Sealed Glass Vials, 3 / -Sealed Glass Vials, 4
-Sealed Glass Vials, 5 / -Sealed Glass Vials, 6
-Sealed Glass Vials, 7 / -Sealed Glass Vials, 8
-Books: An eclectic library of dusty tomes, fictional textbooks, pocketbooks, paperbacks, hardcovers, booklets, leaflets and magical manuals.
-Trinkets, Books, 1 / -Trinkets, Books, 2
-Trinkets, Books, 3 / -Trinkets, Books, 4
-Book Descriptions: A short list of quirks, physical descriptions and eccentricities to add additional personal characteristics to the book trinket list.
-Book Descriptions, 1
-Trinkets, Rings: Enough rings and bands to wear three on every finger and toe while still having dozens to spare. These small circular pieces of gems, metal, wood or bone always add more to the story than the sum of their parts.
-Trinkets, Rings, 1 / -Trinkets, Rings, 2
Trinkets, Necklaces: Pendants, amulets, lockets, chokers and other “Neck Slot” jewelry that grant an immediate glance into the bearer’s personality, wealth, rank or social class and often serves as an iconic part of that character’s look. While a locked metal torque can instantly mark the bearer a penniless slave and a string of lustrous pearls mark their owner a flauntingly wealthy noble, so can an adventurer’s necklace mark them as a creature to bestow quests upon.
-Trinkets, Necklaces, 1 / -Trinkets, Necklaces, 2
Trinkets, Priceless: Artifacts, artist masterpieces, rare magics and opulent combinations of jewels and precious metals. These objects can be found in the throne rooms of kings, the demiplanes of archmages and the pinnacle of a dragon’s hoard.
-Trinkets, Priceless, 1
-Trinkets, Valuable: More useful than regular trinkets, these items have either a clear purpose, a reliable ability or are made from a fairly costly material.
-Trinkets, Valuable, 1 / -Trinkets, Valuable, 2
-Trinkets, Valuable, 3 / -Trinkets, Valuable, 4
-Trinkets, Valuable, 5 / -Trinkets, Valuable, 6
-Trinkets, Valuable, 7 / -Trinkets, Valuable, 8
-Trinkets: Interesting baubles or semi magical items that have little to no practical in game or mechanical use for an adventurer.
-Trinkets, First
-Trinkets, 1 / -Trinkets, 2 / -Trinkets, 3
-Trinkets, 4 / -Trinkets, 5 / -Trinkets, 6
-Trinkets, 7 / -Trinkets, 8 / -Trinkets, 9
-Trinkets, 10 / -Trinkets, 11 / -Trinkets, 12
-Trinkets, 13 / -Trinkets, 14 / -Trinkets, 15
-Trinkets, 16 / -Trinkets, 17 / -Trinkets, 18
-Trinkets, 19 / -Trinkets, 20 / -Trinkets, 21
-Trinkets, 22 / -Trinkets, 23 / -Trinkets, 24
-Trinkets, 25 / -Trinkets, 26 / -Trinkets, 27
-Trinkets, 28 / -Trinkets, 29
-Trinkets, Worthless: Vaguely interesting garbage, vendor trash and junk loot. Not magical or mysterious like regular trinkets or worth anything more than a copper piece or two even if you could find someone to buy it in the first place.
-Trinkets, Worthless, 1 / -Trinkets, Worthless, 2
-Trinkets, Worthless, 3 / -Trinkets, Worthless, 4
-Trinkets, Worthless, 5 / -Trinkets, Worthless, 6
-Trinkets, Worthless, 7 / -Trinkets, Worthless, 8
-Trinkets, Worthless, 9
-Mottos: Whether they’re called adages, maxims or creeds, these simple statements are essentially promises made to oneself, family, or institution. A character’s motto can be a goal in itself or a moral anchor that centers his life and guides his action. A mixed collection of real life and fictional mottos that can aid a DM to quickly expand the history of the campaign or to aid a PC in a richer character creation.
-Mottos, 1 / -Mottos, 2 / -Mottos, 3
-Mottos, 4 / -Mottos, 5 / -Mottos, 6
-Mottos, 7 / -Mottos, 8 / -Mottos, 9
-Battle Cries: Simplistic and bone chilling warcries, complex and inspiring calls to arms and primal wordless screams of rage that shakes the enemy down to their iron-shod boots. A collection of simple phrases, threats, insults and violent promises for creatures to yell before and during combat to add verbal spice to each attack.
-Battle Cries, 1 / -Battle Cries, 2 / -Battle Cries, 3
-Battle Cries, 4 / -Battle Cries, 5 / -Battle Cries, 6
-Battle Cries, 7
-All Reference Tables: When a trinket calls for a Random Weapon, Random Color or Random Godly Domain and you can’t think of one offhand, just go here and either roll a die or select one of your own choosing.
—Keep reading for all reference tables.
Keep reading
ultimately i think kindness is the most radical thing you can do with your pain and your anger. it’s like, you take everything awful that’s ever been done to you, and you throw it back in the world’s teeth, and you say no, fuck you, i’m not going to take this. you say this is unacceptable. you say that shit stops with me.
humans are fucking terrible and this awful world we live in will fucking kill you but if you are kind, if you are brave and clever and try really hard, you can defy it. you can impose on this bleak and monstrous structure something beautiful. even if it’s temporary. even if it doesn’t heal anything inside you that’s been hurt.
i’m gonna sleep and i’m gonna wake up and i swear by everything in this deadly horrible universe i’m gonna make someone happy.
the one problem i have with people my age and younger is that a lot of us do not have hands on hobbies. like i have spoken to so many people my age who go to work, go to school and then fuck around on their phone/computer for hours and then ???????? like no wonder ur depressed and have low confidence in urself. u need to get ur hands on something, feed those dopamine receptors! learn how to play guitar, garden, scrapbook, fucking make model trains. i don’t give a shit, MAKE SOMETHING!!
it feels better than drugs when i finish making a thing—and then show it off or gift it.
and then so people my age say to me ‘well—i can’t draw/paint/knit/etc. like you can. my stuff would be terrible.’ yeah, well duh—a part of developing skill is sucking at something and then practicing it over and over and over again until you suck less. u’ll have a hard time feeling lonely or bored when you can’t stop thinking abt a technique you want to try or something you want to make for someone else. making things has SAVED MY LIFE. it gave me a reason to keep living day after day when i wanted to die.
making things have improved my generational relationships (when i worked for the newspaper i would talk to customers abt jamming recipes or cross-stitch, one of my grandmas always gives me pattern books and tell me abt when she knitted things for mom, my other grandma is giving me a wedding quilt that HER grandma gave her 50 years ago because she knows i will appreciate it). it also got me likeminded friends who also make things.
take a ceramics class! pick up water colors, bake cakes! learn to work on cars! make soap. DO SOMETHING THAT DOESN’T INVOLVE STARING AT A SCREEN.