Yaaas That!

Yaaas that!

Satan: Have you… have you ever… DANCED MACARENA?

God: It is 4AM!!!!

Satan: Well, I need to talk to someone because Crowley has disappeared on me! Can’t you keep your Angels on a leash for one night!

God: Angels? He’s a Demon!

Satan: I don’t mean him… He is a Fallen Angel; learn the difference!… Aziraphale is here!

God: WHAT!!!

Satan: Heyyyy Macarena! Ah-ya!

God: Are you dancing?!

Satan: Yeah, Crowley has disappeared on me, so…

God: Yes, you already said that.

Satan: Why is Aziraphale here?

God: I thought you will tell me!

Satan: Well, he obviously heard our conversation because he went ‘YOU ARE DATING SATAN?!’ and then he was dragging Crowley away. They’re probably shagging. Which is unfair. Where is MY SHAG?!

God: Why is my Strongest Soldier in some dirty nightclub with Satan!

Satan: He ain’t that strong is he? *cackles* Heyyy Macarena!

God: When does this song END?! He is my purest, strongest…

Satan: I mean, I will give it to you, he had to be strong not to tap that in 6 thousand years. Unless…

God: Tap what?!

Satan: You really need to go out more! Did you know coke can mean coke and coke?

God: What?!

Satan: Like the drink or the drug!

God: I WANT AZIRAPHALE BACK!

Satan: My darling, he is worshipping someone else tonight! HEYY… oh, shit, the song ended. What do I do now?

God: …

Satan: Why you’re quiet?

God: You are so dirty.

Satan: What, the worshipping thing? I am just saying, he is on his knees…

God: SATAN!

Satan: *cackles* Oh, hey, your son is here! JESUS, OVER HERE!

God: SATAN!!!

He is so cute sweet expressive 😉

Dramatic emotional support demon

Totally agree 😍

DAVID AND MICHAEL IN THE AUDIOBOOK IS SO AHHHHHHH

💜💜💜💜

Some more 60s ineffable wi...spouses

Crowley is a liquid 🤣

CATSBANDS

Uhhhh mama 🐍😇

Good Omentober Day 17 - Apples

Prompt by @disaster-dog

The angel and the demon journey to discover what's so tempting about apples anyway.

“Why do you think God chose an apple tree for Eden?” Aziraphale asked as he worked on filling out his diary for the day.

Crowley was laid out on the lounge, eyes shut and probably trying to sleep but the angel had questions and Crowley would be damned if he wasn’t going to be the one to answer them.

“I like to imagine she had a list of all her fruits and picked the first one,” Crowley murmured, shifting over to look at the angel.

“But surely there’s another fruit that comes before apple?” He cautioned.

“I mean, maybe now. Humans have made all kinds of fruits.”

Aziraphale hummed and signed off his diary entry before snapping the book closed and standing up proudly, “I think we should investigate. There’s plenty of lovely desserts the humans make with apples. Surely a taste test would find the answers we’re looking for.”

“You’re looking for, angel,” Crowley corrected before dragging himself up from his position with a sigh, “What are you thinking? Apple pie? Crumble? Candy Apples?”

“You’re the original tempter, aren’t you? Surely you would have the best idea~” He replied in a callously sing-song voice.

“Well, I’m going to start with a strong cider. From there it's a mystery.”

The demon grabbed his sunglasses from Aziraphale’s desk and headed out to the Bentley. There were a few places he could take Aziraphale but he wanted to go somewhere special. They hadn’t been on a date as such for a while and this was possibly the best opportunity.

“What if, my angel, we go to an orchard, get the freshest apples we can and then we can come back here and cook all the apple treats your heart can desire? We can even give some of the extras to Maggie and Nina?” Crowley suggested, opening up the door of the Bentley for his angel.

He wasn’t as close to the humans as Aziraphale was but Crowley knew he cared about them a lot and regardless of whatever ‘side’ they were on, Aziraphale was still entirely angelic in his desire to bring joy and gifts to all.

“Oh Crowley, I think that sounds wonderful,” Aziraphale breathed, a smile resting comfortably on his face as he sat down and got comfortable.

Crowley slunk into the driver’s side and gently stroked the dashboard, “Hey gorgeous, you know what to do.”

For a moment, Aziraphale felt a pang of jealousy. He knew Crowley loved the car but he wanted to be the centre of the demon’s attention. Crowley was quick to notice and reached over, his hand teasing Aziraphale as it brushed against his inner thigh.

The angel let out a tiny gasp at the unexpected touch and his face flushed red, “Crowley, what if someone looks through the window?”

The demon made a quick snap of his fingers and the Bentley began driving off, the windows became so tinted they were near black and some smooth music began to play.

“What do you say, angel?” Crowley asked, his other hand reaching over to cup Aziraphale’s cheek.

Aziraphale led a quick prayer for their safe travels before he pulled Crowley closer to him and smashed their lips together. A refreshing kind of heat was flowing through his body as his arm snaked around Crowley’s waist to hold him close to him.

He broke apart for a moment, flashing a grin to the demon who looked at him, dumbfounded with those big golden eyes, “It’s so cute when you pretend to be in charge.”

His hand ran through the demon’s hair, desperate to explore every inch of his body that the demon would allow. Their lips once again collected, with both the angel and the demon feeling relief at the returning connection.

While no one could have seen through the windows, a few nearby drivers may have noticed the strange rocking moments of the car on the way to the orchard.

After a minor miracle, the angel and the demon exited the car with the grace of a swan, though the expression on the demon’s face may have told an entirely different story. His hair was slightly tousled but his clothes had returned to their usual ‘comfortably unkempt’ state. Aziraphale, of course, looked flawless.

“Right, the apples-” Crowley stammered, reaching for Aziraphale’s hand to lead him into the orchard. They approached a small building where a bored-looking employee offered them a basket to take with them which was graciously accepted by Crowley.

“This is lovely, my dear. We ought to get out more often,” The angel smiled, gently rubbing circles into the back of the demon’s hand.

They walked through the orchard, slowly picking the best-looking apples and enjoying the breeze. Despite having spent 6000 years together, they didn’t have all that much to talk about beyond a small ‘That’s a nice one’ or a simple ‘I love you’.

But that’s what being together meant. Enjoying the company with no expectation of conversation. Especially when so much had already been said in the car.

They returned to the tired vendor who weighed their haul, “Two and a half pounds of Golden Delicious, that’s £5.10.”

“Bit pricy for apples, don’t you think?” Crowley groaned before dumping some cash on the counter. He took the bagged apples into his arms and began to head to the Bentley, the sun setting in the orchard behind him.

Aziraphale had the sinister grin back on his face. “I don’t think these apples are the only things we can call Golden Delicious,” He teased, his hand resting on the demon’s back, suspiciously close to his ass.

Crowley suddenly had a pep in his step as he made haste to the car.