Squeaking

Squeaking

JACKPOT

That big damn kiss.

(aka how to give the audience what they want in the way they do not want)

If you’re looking for the definition of “the big damn kiss” trope, you’ll find this: “in all probability it's a first kiss that finally puts an end to unresolved sexual tension and/or other typical obstacles that get in the way of true love. The scenery will be epic, the camera will go wild, the music will swell, maybe there'll be some fireworks”.

The GO script is well aware of the trope and plays with it, as well as with our feelings.

So, what happened here?

Let's go back to the definition of the trope and let’s compare it with the kiss scene in episode 6.

Yes, we have the scenario - the beloved bookshop - the camera that goes wild, the music in crescendo. We may not have fireworks, but the music is very reminiscent of the one heard in the beginning, when Crowley created the stars. And this is a first kiss, we can be almost sure of it, very anticipated from a big part of the audience. However this isn’t the “one fabulous kiss” that we wanted. How so?

Let's see how it differs from the trope. Well, it’s supposed to end an unresolved sexual tension (it doesn’t) and/or other obstacles (it doesn’t - the Metronome bitch is still out there, lurking in, as well as the whole emotional baggage that Crowley and Aziraphale are carrying with them). And, above all, it's sad. Not just for them, but for us. It may seem a silly thing to point out, but I don’t think so. Watching the scene, you - the audience - are overwhelmed by the emotional vibe of it, especially if you have an empathetic personality. I surely was overwhelmed. Because, let's be honest, I knew that there was no way that kiss was leading to a happy ending (at least for season 2). I wanted a happy ending so bad, instead I was thinking wait, is my comfort show breaking my heart? How did we get to this?

Let’s dive more into the pain.

I’ve read some posts about the kiss when the show first aired. They were mostly about what the kiss isn’t. It isn’t sexual, it isn’t the proof of their love, it isn’t even romantic in the context of the narrative. (However, let’s face the elephant in the room. If you put a male and a female lead in a show, most of the audience just assume they’ll become romantically involved at some point. It’s not the same for queer characters. So I think that, beyond the narrative, the kiss is important to show even to the most stubborn viewer that they’re not just bros being bros, best buddies or whatever).

Back to the narrative. Let's examine Crowley and Aziraphale's POVs separately to fully immerse ourselves into the tragedy. It’s all fun and games here.

Starting with Crowley. I've already written here and here about how the sense of unworthiness is a big part of Crowley’s personality. He spent centuries building emotional defenses around himself, using the sunglasses as a physical barrier to hide his eyes as well as his feelings. He doesn't allow himself to be vulnerable, because it would lead to reopening old wounds. He shows difficulty to welcome praises or help, even from Aziraphale.

But he’s finally ready to let go of his barriers, as much as possible. He’s scared and maybe he had prepared a little speech in his mind. But he doesn’t get the chance to speak.

“Hold that thought… and Crowley’s face breaks. “Tell me you said no”, tell me you’re not asking me to return to heaven, that only place worst than hell, the place where the whole trauma began. Tell me you’re not asking me the one thing that I can’t give you.

When Crowley says "No nightingales" is already defeated: he knows that it’s too late, it is always too late. He knows that he lost Aziraphale, just as he has lost his stars.

He hasn’t planned the kiss. But, since this is the end, he instinctively searches for something, stronger than words, to prove his feelings, his love. Crowley’s idea of “vavoom” is the fabulous kiss in the rain, remember? A big, angsty, passionate, cinematic moment. So kissing Aziraphale is Crowley’s last effort, since words have failed him, to show what they could be, what they already are. And maybe there’s also a part of him that is thinking I want you to want me, consequences be damned.

But Crowley is the one who breaks the kiss. He feels rejected already. The intrusive thought to be unloved and unlovable - because he’s a demon after all - is always there. And that “I forgive you” only confirms it.

And now Aziraphale. Aziraphale's romantic ideal can be found in Jane Austen's books. Books full of yearning and pining, where to touch each other's bare hands without gloves is an overwhelming sensual experience. But Jane Austen’s books aren’t only formal dances and petticoats. Society’s commentary is a central theme of her works. If you think about “Pride and Prejudice”, Lizzie and Darcy struggle between their feelings and societal expectations. The gap between their social status influences their choices, but their love for each other ultimately becomes a catalyst for personal growth and to overcome the social norms.

And, of course, the misunderstanding trope. I would say that the core of Darcy's character is how easily he can be misunderstood by the people around him. He seems rude and indifferent, he has a lot of emotional barriers that hide a kind heart. And his love language is acts of service. Rings any bell? Can you see why Aziraphale loves this book?

When Aziraphale organizes the ball, when he succeeds in grabbing Crowley’s hand and bringing him to dance floor, everything in his mind is screaming peak romance. Who knows what would have happened if the demons and the Metabitch hadn't gotten in the way?

I’ve already written here how we must not forget Aziraphale’s background: for 6000+ he had to deal with an oppressive structure, heaven, that had indoctrinated him into the black and white mentality, the dichotomy between good and evil. Immortal beings don’t have free will, they are divided into the angel/demon binary system.

“Look, I am good. You - to Crowley - I'm afraid, are evil. But people get a choice.”

“Well, obviously you said no to Hell, you're the bad guys. But Heaven... Well, it's the side of truth, of light, of good.”

Are you sure that you’re sure, Azi? Aziraphale’s learning and he’s strong (perhaps more than he believes to be), but he’s not quite healed yet. An abusive environment isn’t easy to escape. Sometimes Aziraphale still clings to those old concepts he was indoctrinated into. That’s why I don’t buy the coffee theory and I think he makes a choice in the final 15 minutes. Of course that choice is heavily manipulated by the Metronome’s tactics (more about that bitch’s master plan here.)

The Metatron, in order to achieve what I think it’s his evil goal, must separate Crowley and Azi, because they have proven, with the 25 lazari miracle, to be an unexpected force to deal with. He needs to create a schism between them that can not be mended. So he puts on a compassionate facade, while playing with Aziraphale’s beliefs and insecurities.

Aziraphale believes that, every time Crowley has done a good deed, it was because he really shouldn't have fallen. He also believes to be able to change heaven and make it a safer place. And, most of all, he believes to have found a way for him and Crowley to be together.

He wants desperately Crowley to go with him. He begs. He has tears in his eyes while he screams “I need you”.

Then, Crowley grabs him abruptly and the kiss happens. It isn’t tender. It’s raw, human and real. So real it may change everything. It isn’t chaste and safe as a Jane Austen-esque ball.

Aziraphale is shocked. But, despite all his fear, confusion, anger, desire, guilt and repressed emotions, just for a moment he abandons himself to the kiss. Just for a moment. He places BOTH hands on Crowley’s back.

I have evidence.

See? Both hands on Crowley’s back. Can’t you see it? Don't worry, I zoomed on Azi’s hands, because I have lost all my dignity as well as my sanity.

At the bottom of the picture, in the center: a glimpse of Aziraphale’s left hand.

For a brief moment, he’s hugging him, he’s holding on to him. He allows himself to feel. Just like with the ox ribs. He was starving and he didn’t know.

But what he does know is that those feelings - this desire, this desperate, repressed and human love - are forbidden for an angel.

So, what happens when feelings of unworthiness and self-loathing meet repressed, forbidden feelings?

This.

And this.

They misunderstood each other. They both feel rejected. They're both thinking: don't you want to be with me? I thought that's what you wanted too.

They are two celestial beings that love each other deeply, in a human and in a more than an human way, in a way that makes them an us.

They’re fated, they’re star crossed.

Uhhhh mama 🐍😇

Good Omentober Day 17 - Apples

Prompt by @disaster-dog

The angel and the demon journey to discover what's so tempting about apples anyway.

“Why do you think God chose an apple tree for Eden?” Aziraphale asked as he worked on filling out his diary for the day.

Crowley was laid out on the lounge, eyes shut and probably trying to sleep but the angel had questions and Crowley would be damned if he wasn’t going to be the one to answer them.

“I like to imagine she had a list of all her fruits and picked the first one,” Crowley murmured, shifting over to look at the angel.

“But surely there’s another fruit that comes before apple?” He cautioned.

“I mean, maybe now. Humans have made all kinds of fruits.”

Aziraphale hummed and signed off his diary entry before snapping the book closed and standing up proudly, “I think we should investigate. There’s plenty of lovely desserts the humans make with apples. Surely a taste test would find the answers we’re looking for.”

“You’re looking for, angel,” Crowley corrected before dragging himself up from his position with a sigh, “What are you thinking? Apple pie? Crumble? Candy Apples?”

“You’re the original tempter, aren’t you? Surely you would have the best idea~” He replied in a callously sing-song voice.

“Well, I’m going to start with a strong cider. From there it's a mystery.”

The demon grabbed his sunglasses from Aziraphale’s desk and headed out to the Bentley. There were a few places he could take Aziraphale but he wanted to go somewhere special. They hadn’t been on a date as such for a while and this was possibly the best opportunity.

“What if, my angel, we go to an orchard, get the freshest apples we can and then we can come back here and cook all the apple treats your heart can desire? We can even give some of the extras to Maggie and Nina?” Crowley suggested, opening up the door of the Bentley for his angel.

He wasn’t as close to the humans as Aziraphale was but Crowley knew he cared about them a lot and regardless of whatever ‘side’ they were on, Aziraphale was still entirely angelic in his desire to bring joy and gifts to all.

“Oh Crowley, I think that sounds wonderful,” Aziraphale breathed, a smile resting comfortably on his face as he sat down and got comfortable.

Crowley slunk into the driver’s side and gently stroked the dashboard, “Hey gorgeous, you know what to do.”

For a moment, Aziraphale felt a pang of jealousy. He knew Crowley loved the car but he wanted to be the centre of the demon’s attention. Crowley was quick to notice and reached over, his hand teasing Aziraphale as it brushed against his inner thigh.

The angel let out a tiny gasp at the unexpected touch and his face flushed red, “Crowley, what if someone looks through the window?”

The demon made a quick snap of his fingers and the Bentley began driving off, the windows became so tinted they were near black and some smooth music began to play.

“What do you say, angel?” Crowley asked, his other hand reaching over to cup Aziraphale’s cheek.

Aziraphale led a quick prayer for their safe travels before he pulled Crowley closer to him and smashed their lips together. A refreshing kind of heat was flowing through his body as his arm snaked around Crowley’s waist to hold him close to him.

He broke apart for a moment, flashing a grin to the demon who looked at him, dumbfounded with those big golden eyes, “It’s so cute when you pretend to be in charge.”

His hand ran through the demon’s hair, desperate to explore every inch of his body that the demon would allow. Their lips once again collected, with both the angel and the demon feeling relief at the returning connection.

While no one could have seen through the windows, a few nearby drivers may have noticed the strange rocking moments of the car on the way to the orchard.

After a minor miracle, the angel and the demon exited the car with the grace of a swan, though the expression on the demon’s face may have told an entirely different story. His hair was slightly tousled but his clothes had returned to their usual ‘comfortably unkempt’ state. Aziraphale, of course, looked flawless.

“Right, the apples-” Crowley stammered, reaching for Aziraphale’s hand to lead him into the orchard. They approached a small building where a bored-looking employee offered them a basket to take with them which was graciously accepted by Crowley.

“This is lovely, my dear. We ought to get out more often,” The angel smiled, gently rubbing circles into the back of the demon’s hand.

They walked through the orchard, slowly picking the best-looking apples and enjoying the breeze. Despite having spent 6000 years together, they didn’t have all that much to talk about beyond a small ‘That’s a nice one’ or a simple ‘I love you’.

But that’s what being together meant. Enjoying the company with no expectation of conversation. Especially when so much had already been said in the car.

They returned to the tired vendor who weighed their haul, “Two and a half pounds of Golden Delicious, that’s £5.10.”

“Bit pricy for apples, don’t you think?” Crowley groaned before dumping some cash on the counter. He took the bagged apples into his arms and began to head to the Bentley, the sun setting in the orchard behind him.

Aziraphale had the sinister grin back on his face. “I don’t think these apples are the only things we can call Golden Delicious,” He teased, his hand resting on the demon’s back, suspiciously close to his ass.

Crowley suddenly had a pep in his step as he made haste to the car.

All of the options.. Truly

Many years ago

Metatron: Asmodeus is walking around Earth spreading lust all over the place! Everyone is falling for him! We need a volunteer to st… Yes Aziraphale?

Aziraphale *waving his hand*: I WILL DO IT. I MEAN STOP IT. YES.

Metatron: Oh. Okay. Off you go.

1 day later

Aziraphale: Crowley, seriously, using your looks to spread the sin… Wait, you’re not Crowley.

Asmodeus: Oh, I can be Crowley for you, dear Angel.

Aziraphale: Ew. Ew. No.

Asmodeus: What do you mean ew?! I’m Asmodeus! GOD OF LUST!

Aziraphale: Really?

Asmodeus: WOW.

Aziraphale: So, where is he?

Asmodeus: Who?

Aziraphale: Crowley. You know. Bright red luscious hair. Beautiful yellow snake eyes. Long legs. Very slim. High cheekbones.

Asmodeus: If you stop talking, I will take you to him.

Aziraphale: Brilliant, thank you.

*snaps fingers*

Aziraphale: CROWLEY!!! *grabs his hand and pulls him away towards the closest restaurant*

Asmodeus *shouts after them*: Just so you know, Crowley, I am telling everyone in Hell that you two are an item!

(And that’s how Hell found out)

And Aziraphale 😉

Crowley’s crush…

Incorrect Good Omens Quotes Masterpost : here