Scrapbook-of-sorrow - I Wanna Be Better (I Wanna Get Worse) - Tumblr Blog

Pretty girls don't eat <3

finally coming to terms with the fact i have ptsd.

and anxiety.

and an ED.

and i dissociate all the time.

im running on energy drinks and cowardice. everythings too hard. i want to give up.

i want to fucking give up.

I should be happy! i get gifts for holidays, im not homeless (yet), im reasonably skinny... why cant my brain give me happy chemicals.

can i die

please.

i wish the things that happened to me never happened

6/12/23

oh yeah no i’m good, just fantasizing about being dead again

People talk about wanting to recover so that they can re-gain their old selves, their old passions, their old interests

What do you do when you don't have an old self to go back to and re-gain? There wasn't a 'me' before mental illness or if there was I don't remember them

When you start struggling with your mental health at a young age, it becomes all that you know and your identity can become distorted around it

Now I'm an adult who has no idea what they like, what they enjoy or even how to comfort themselves

What am I supposed to do with myself and how am I supposed to find reasons to recover when it feels like drowning is all I know?

I WASN’T A BAD DOG

I WAS A SCARED DOG

i will never leave this house

I just wanna stop. Stop living. Stop breathing. And pls Stop thinking. I just need everything to stop.

I’m tired of wishing I was dead.

ⁿᵒᵇᵒᵈʸ ʷᵃⁿᵗˢ ᵐᵉ ᵃʳᵒᵘⁿᵈ⋅

They should invent a way to kill yourself that doesn’t disappoint anyone

this. this is what one of my exbfs did and HOLY SHIT he was a red flag. Gave me a reason to st.rve tho :)

mutuals, if you are ever getting to know a guy and he tells you that a girl has “falsely” reported/accused him of rape or sexual harassment in the past, RUN.

some m4l3spöö <33

hahah my weight estimate was off by 5kg :)

I'm actually only 50kg

lucky me ig.

my ed hasnt been eding im eating like a pig

29.09.24

breakfast:

- pizza (250)

lunch:

- cheerios with soy milk (170)

- tea with soy milk and sugar (55)

dinner:

- sweet chilli chicken tenders (400)

- sponge cake with jam and cream (250)

- southern comfort and coke (210)

- custard cream biscuit (195)

total: 1530

less than my BMR but not by much. I'm getting back on track... sorta

i hope i am not just a mutual to you but also someone you’d befriend in the psych ward