Can I Die

can i die

please.

my ed hasnt been eding im eating like a pig

finally coming to terms with the fact i have ptsd.

and anxiety.

and an ED.

and i dissociate all the time.

im running on energy drinks and cowardice. everythings too hard. i want to give up.

i want to fucking give up.

I should be happy! i get gifts for holidays, im not homeless (yet), im reasonably skinny... why cant my brain give me happy chemicals.

People talk about wanting to recover so that they can re-gain their old selves, their old passions, their old interests

What do you do when you don't have an old self to go back to and re-gain? There wasn't a 'me' before mental illness or if there was I don't remember them

When you start struggling with your mental health at a young age, it becomes all that you know and your identity can become distorted around it

Now I'm an adult who has no idea what they like, what they enjoy or even how to comfort themselves

What am I supposed to do with myself and how am I supposed to find reasons to recover when it feels like drowning is all I know?

i will never leave this house