This Fic Was Tooo Good Definitely Tugged On My Heart Strings All Throughout

This fic was tooo good 🥹 definitely tugged on my heart strings all throughout 💖💖💖

GHOST OF YOU (PT. 2) | lee minho x fem ! reader

cursing & smut & slight angst & fluff & dad ! minho & mom ! reader & more under the cut !! MINORS DO NOT INTERACT

minho is not a man who lives his life looking backward. he doesn't want to regret a moment of his life. he knows he can't change the past. and in most aspects, he would never want to. minho's greatest joy in his life is his daughter. minho's only regret is her mother.

there are so many things you wish you could change about the past. in many ways, you've spent a lot of time looking back instead of looking forward. the one thing you would never change is having your son.

minho--a man so focused on moving forward he refuses to look back. you--someone so focused on the past that you can't bring yourself to look forward. both of you have had your fair share of past hurts. but maybe together, the future will be brighter than it has been for a long time.

SEE PART ONE HERE !!! // read on AO3

want more of this story ? see texts w dad ! minho here ! (coming soon)

for better visualization, find the pinterest board here & spotify playlist here !

GENERAL WARNINGS | mentions of death (no major characters), mentions of reader being previously married, mentions of food / eating, reader gets drunk at one point, slow burn, sexual tension (?), sweet pet names, reader has a son, SWEARING, reader wears minho's shirt at one point, dad minho (please let me know if there is anything else)

SMUT WARNINGS | penetrative (p in v) sex, unprotected (consensual) sex (reader mentions she's on birth control & both state they are clean BUT please practice safe sex irl), a lot of praise, minho reassures yn of insecurities, fingering (f receiving), sweet aftercare (please let me know if there is anything else)

WORD COUNT | 14.8k , approx. 1hr 2min read

NOTES | and now the second part of dad minho is OUT <33 thank you again to everyone for your support and patience <3 i hope you'll enjoy this <3 WARNING IT STARTS OFF SPICY FDKFJ literally right from the start of this part hahah

dedicated to all the people who have felt like the past is too much to carry alone. and also to everyone who let me share snippets of this before it was finished only to get as giddy about it as i am. this is for anyone who needs a little extra comfort in a hard place and for anyone who has felt heartbreak so big you worried you’d never come back from it. so actually, what i mean to say, is this is dedicated to all of you. enjoy ♡ 

eight

He was panting in your ear, strong arms caging you underneath him. He groaned a little as he pressed himself further into you. “Yn.” 

You gasped, your own hands coming up to wrap around his neck and pull him closer to you. “Fuck, Minho.” 

He moaned softly as you clawed down his back, trying to hold onto him as he rolled his hips into you harder, faster. “God, I’m so fucking close.” 

“M-me too—”

“Mom!” Your eyes flew open and you sat up quickly, looking at your son in the doorway. It was a dream. Fuck. 

“Haru, what’s wrong? What time is it?”

“I don’t know,” he shrugged before leaving your room again, “but I’m hungry!” 

It was 9:00 a.m. Saturday. Three weeks after you bared your heart to Minho. Three weeks after he admitted to wanting you. Three weeks after you’d finally admitted to yourself that you wanted him. It was Saturday and you’d had a dream about Minho. A wet dream. 

You buried your face in your hands and groaned loudly. You could still feel yourself throbbing. You’d never had your release. You could almost feel him on your skin. But that was impossible. You’d never been with him like that. 

You climbed out of bed and made your way to the kitchen to make breakfast for Haru and yourself, pushing all thoughts of Minho and your dream about him out of your mind. 

Yet, as you pushed Minho out of your mind, you seemed to be infiltrating his. 

He felt terrible, but he just couldn’t stop. He hadn’t felt relief like this in too long. It was hard to do anything with a toddler around, so the shower had become his solace. 

It was early, too early for him to be awake on a Saturday, and yet there he was in his shower with a hand wrapped firmly around his hardened dick. What had started this, one might ask. He’d have to be truthful and answer that it was the dream he’d had about you. 

He’d dreamed of you and woke up with his dick harder than it had been in a long time. And he felt awful. What would you think if you saw him right now? If you knew what he was doing? But the thought didn’t exactly stop him. It only turned him on even more. 

He moaned your name softly, in the solitude of his shower, careful not to wake his daughter. He kept quiet, also, to keep the shame from bubbling up his throat. If he was quiet, maybe it would go away. 

It didn’t. Not even when he came all over his hand, immersed in pure ecstasy. The shame only grew. What was he doing?

Minho couldn’t look you in the eye the next time you dropped Haru off for dance. You didn’t notice because you couldn’t look him in the eye either. You quickly dropped your son off, said a brief hello to Minho and turned to leave again. You didn’t get far before he grabbed your wrist. 

“Hey.” You finally looked him in the eye and you had to look away again. He looked at you so tenderly. You couldn’t take it. “We’re not doing this again. What’s going on, why are you avoiding me?” 

You couldn’t exactly tell him you were avoiding him because he made you insanely horny to the point you were having vivid dreams about him. But there really was no other reason. “I-I’m not avoiding you. I’m just busy today.” 

“Okay.” He frowned but didn’t press it. 

“Actually…” You paused, unsure if you should finish your thought. But the attentive way he looked at you pulled the words out of you with ease. “Haru and I were going to go camping next month. I-If you’re not busy, would you and Jiyeon like to come with us?” 

His eyes lit up again. “Camping? Sure. I’d like that. I know Jiyeon would enjoy it too.” 

“Okay,” you nodded, swallowing your nerves and looking him in the eye again. “I’ll text you the details. We can figure out all the logistics together.” 

“Together,” he whispered. He watched as you left the dance studio waving a little as you went. He couldn’t stop smiling the rest of the day. Together. 

He couldn’t wait to go camping with you. 

As soon as you got to work, you told Ryujin everything—from the realization of your feelings for him to your dream to asking him to go camping with you. Ryujin listened with wide eyes, her smile growing as your story continued to progress. When you finished, she just leaned back in her seat and looked at you. 

“I knew this would happen.” 

“What?” 

She looked at you intently. “From the moment you told me Haru was going to 5-STAR, I knew you’d fall in love with Minho. And ever since that time at the park, I had a feeling he would fall for you too. Damn, I’ve been waiting for you guys to realize it too. Didn’t think it’d take you both so long.”

“Hey, it’s not my fault I was scared!” You pouted at her and she laughed a little, nodding in agreement. 

“That’s true. Anyways. When are you going to tell Minho that you have feelings for him?” 

“I don’t know,” you shook your head. “Maybe when we go camping.” 

Ryujin looked thoughtful and nodded slowly as she mulled it over. “That would be a good time I think. Do it when it’s just the two of you around the fire after the kids have gone to sleep. I think that would be perfect.”

“I’ll tell him when and how I want to,” you huffed, crossing your arms and glaring at her playfully.

She shrugged, “If you say so. I was just trying to give you some advice. You haven’t confessed to someone in a long time, so you’re probably out of practice.”

“Hey! Don’t be mean!”

“I’m not being mean,” she laughed and stood, making her way back to her own office. “Just honest.”

You rolled your eyes at her as she left, but deep in your heart you knew she was right. You were out of practice. Even though you had heard Minho confess that he liked you romantically, you were still terrified to admit to him out loud that you felt the same. So, all you could do was take her advice and hope it went well. 

If only you knew you had nothing to fear. Minho was head over heels for you and was also out of practice. Any confession would be good enough for him. More than good enough. 

“Jisung,” Minho breathed when his best friend answered the phone. “Hey. So, you know that girl I’ve been telling you about?” 

“Yeah, yn, right?” 

Minho nodded, dragging a hand through his hair as he sat on his bed, phone still pressed to his ear. “Yeah. She, uh, she invited Jiyeon and me to go camping with her and her son next month.” 

“That’s great, isn’t it?” 

Jisung was excited for his friend. Truthfully, he thought it was long overdue for Minho to open up his heart to someone else. Of course, who was he to say that to him? So, he kept silent. Now, Minho was opening up his heart, but something still seemed to be holding him back. 

“I-I mean, yeah it is. The thing is… I want to tell her how I feel about her, but I just… don’t know how or when.” Minho paused when he heard a crash from Jiyeon’s room. He got up and peeked into her room to see her bin of Legos on its side, thousands of the tiny, colorful, plastic bricks spilling out onto the floor. He went back to his room. 

“Why don’t you tell her while you guys are camping?” Jisung suggested. “You guys will be more relaxed there and it’ll be a kind of romantic setting don’t you think? Out in nature, practically alone, sitting together by the campfire, potentially huddling together to keep warm—”

“Okay, yeah,” Minho laughed as Jisung started to ramble. He sighed a little and smiled to himself. “Yeah, maybe you’re right.” 

“Of course I’m right. Have I ever led you astray?”

“I mean there was that one time when you—”

“Hey!” Minho could hear Jisung pouting through the phone, “We agreed not to talk about that.” 

“You’re right, you’re right.” 

Jisung sighed, “Anyway, man, I have to go. Haneul is sick and I left a date with a really hot girl to take care of her. So, if I have to leave a hot date for my daughter, I definitely have to leave this call with you.”

“Sounds like duty calls. Tell me about your date later, yeah? Thanks for your help.”

“No problem, hyung.” Jisung laughed and Minho could envision him nodding his head as he got ready to hang up. “Talk to you later, bye!”

“Bye.”

Minho was about to set his phone down and check on Jiyeon when his phone started buzzing in his hand again. When he saw the name displayed at the top of his screen, he couldn’t help the smile that spread across face. He was quick to answer. 

“Hey, yn.” 

“Hi,” you breathed back. You always felt breathless around Minho these days. You supposed that came with the newfound realization that you were quickly falling for him. 

“Did you need something?” 

“Uh, yeah, actually. I was wondering if now is a good time to talk about the camping trip next month? I just want to make sure we plan ahead and have everything worked out ahead of time and—” 

“No, yeah, for sure,” Minho interrupted your rambling and you could hear the tender smile in his voice. “Yeah, now is a good time. Give me just a second, I’m just going to check on Jiyeon and make sure she’s still doing okay.” 

“Okay.” 

Minho set the phone down and made his way down the hall to check on his daughter. When he poked his head into her room again, she was still playing with her dolls and Legos. “Hey, sweetheart. You doing okay?” 

“Yeah!” 

“I’m on a phone call right now, but I’ll start making dinner soon, okay? Are you hungry?” 

“Yeah, a little bit.” Jiyeon turned to look back at her dad. “I know you’re on the phone with Haru’s mom. I heard you say her name. You like her don’t you?” 

“Of course I like her. We’re good friends—”

“No, dad. You like her. Like, you want to marry her!” 

Minho shook his head and chuckled softly at his daughter’s antics, leaning against the doorframe. “I don’t know if it’s that extreme yet. But you’re right. I do like her.”

“Good. She’s nice. I like her. You should go talk to her now.” 

“Okay,” Minho took one last look at his daughter before turning to leave. “Okay. I’m just going to be in my room, yeah?” 

When Minho got back to his bedroom and picked up his phone, he could hear you on the other end, singing a song to yourself softly. It was some children’s song he recognized from a CD he’d bought to play for Jiyeon on long car rides. He listened for a moment longer before speaking softly. “Hey, are you still there?” 

“Oh, yeah! Hey. I’m here.” 

He couldn’t help but chuckle to himself at how cute you were. “Hey. So, you were saying?”

“Right!” You pulled out your notebook and a pen so you could write down any plans you made together. “Well, usually, Haru and I go tent camping, and our tent is big enough to fit a family of five so, if you wanted to save on space and didn’t mind it, you could share the tent with us. I have a big air mattress we can blow up and… share… if you want. And I have a smaller one for the kids.” 

His heart fluttered and squeezed in his chest at the thought of sharing a bed with you. Having to cuddle up to you to keep warm. In a tent, out in the open, under countless stars. “Sure, I don’t mind sharing. That sounds perfect.” 

“Okay, great.” Minho could hear you exhale softly in relief. He could picture your eyes lighting up. He wished he could see you. “So as far as food, do you want to, like… divide and conquer?” 

“Yeah, we could do that. I can bring meat and all of the seasonings needed for it. Vegetables too. And drinks?” 

“Alright, then I’ll bring fruits and sides, like chips and stuff.” 

“Perfect,” Minho agreed. He wasn’t sure what to say—he didn’t know what other planning things you needed from him. But he wanted to keep talking to you. 

You hummed a little as you wrote in your notebook. He could hear the scratching of your pen on the paper, could imagine your lip tucked between your teeth as you wrote. “So, there’s this campsite I usually book this time of year that’s absolutely beautiful and I can reserve that place if you want! Unless you would prefer we look around a little or something—”

“No! Th-that sounds great actually. We can reserve a spot there.” 

Minho wished he was better with words. He wished he could tell you how much he loved your laugh, how much he loved your voice. He wanted to listen to you talk forever. But he also wanted to tell you all the things he loved about you. He wanted you to feel loved. He wanted you to know just how much he adored you. Every part of you. Everything about you. 

But he wasn’t great with words. He didn’t know what to say. And all he could do was listen as you wrote in your notebook, preparing for the camping trip a month away. 

nine

As the weeks went by, anticipation grew in your chest. All you could think about was spending the long weekend out in nature with Minho and sharing a bed with him and curling up to him to stay warm. Would he want that? Would he prefer you keep your distance? Would he still be scared to admit how he felt for you? 

“Yn, you’re daydreaming again.” Ryujin’s voice pulled you out of your thoughts. You looked over at her from where you were sitting on the floor packing your bag for the camping trip. 

You shook your head and went back to folding your clothes and adding them to the bag. “Sorry.”

“Are you thinking about Minho?” Ryujin smirked at you and moved to sit closer to you, helping you fold your clothes and pack your toiletries. “Are you thinking about what it’ll be like to sleep next to him?” 

You shoved her playfully, but you couldn’t deny she was right. “Yeah, kind of. What if… what if I fuck this up?”

“How could you possibly fuck this up? He is so into you, yn.” 

“I’m just… worried I guess. Overthinking.” 

Ryujin grabbed your shoulders, forcing you to look at her. “Listen to me. He likes you. It will not go wrong.”

“Okay,” you nodded. “Okay, yeah, you’re right.” 

“Of course I am,” she grinned proudly at you and stood. “I’m going to hang out with Haru. He’s more fun than you, Mrs. Mopey McMoperson.” 

You stuck your tongue out at her, not caring how childish you seemed. “Whatever. Have fun playing cars with my four year old.” 

“I will!”

Minho, in his apartment ten minutes away from you, found himself in a similar state of mind. He’d been thinking about you almost constantly for the past month—ever since he’d realized his feelings for you. Ever since you offered to share a bed with him on your camping trip.

“Hey, lover boy,” Jisung snapped his fingers in Minho’s face, pulling him from his state of deep thinking. Jisung’s over dramatic whining was pretty hard to ignore. “Pay attention when we talk to you!”

Minho looked around the room at the friends he had over. He’d invited Chan, Jisung, Hyunjin, and Felix to bring their children for a playdate with Jiyeon and also to help him prepare for the camping trip he’d be going on with you that weekend. All four men were staring at him expectantly, as if waiting for him to answer some question he hadn’t heard.

“Uh, sorry. I’m just distracted.”

“Yeah, because you’re thinking about yn,” Chan snorted, shaking his head and grinning to himself. “Never thought I’d see the day when our Minho fell in love again.” 

“Okay, let’s not get ahead of ourselves—”

“You do love her though. We can all see it. We’ve seen you crushing on people before, we’ve seen harmless romantic feelings, and we’ve seen you in love. You’re definitely in love with her.” Hyunjin’s words logically made sense to Minho but he still felt like he was hearing a foreign language. Him? In love? He hadn’t thought it was possible either. 

Felix nodded in agreement. “Please, hyung, I haven’t seen you smile so much in a long time. You’re head over heels for her.” 

“You guys should have heard the way he talked about her on the phone,” Jisung piped in, laughing loudly, “He was swooning!”

Minho glared at him, about to snap some harsh remark at him when five young children marched into the living room in a line, as if there was something serious to talk about. Chan’s son Yunseo, the oldest, led the line of children followed by Hoyeon, Haneul, Jiyeon, and Eunji. Eunji toddled along behind them, much smaller than the rest, but none of them minded. They’d all been best friends since birth, so their age didn’t really matter. 

“We would like to perform a dance for you,” Yunseo declared, voice sounding very formal and clipped. 

Jiyeon practically jumped up and down as she nodded. “Yeah! Yunseo and I taught the dance!” 

“Go ahead and show us, then, sweetheart,” Minho cooed, the glare instantly melting from his face as he watched his daughter speak with such excitement. 

“Here, dad, you play the music,” Hoyeon said, matter-of-factly, guiding Felix to pull out his phone and turn on the song they’d decided to dance to. 

Haneul shuffled shyly over to Jisung, whispering softly in his ear. “Dad, will you hold my tiara? It kept falling off when we were practicing.” 

“Of course, baby,” Jisung smiled widely at his daughter, helping her take the tiara off of her head. “I’ll keep it safe for you while you dance.”

The music started and the five children began to dance. Honestly, the dance was pretty good considering it was choreographed by a six year old and a four year old. They weren’t the most coordinated, but Minho thought it was still the best performance he’d ever watched. Maybe he was a little biased, though. 

When the dance finished, Minho and his friends clapped and cheered loudly for their children. Hyunjin’s daughter, Eunji, hopped over to her dad and gave him a hug. “Did I do good, Dad?” 

“You did great, my love. Should we get you into some dance classes this fall? Would you like that?” 

Eunji nodded, grinning widely. “Yeah! I can take classes with Jiyeon at Uncle Minho’s studio!” 

“Yeah?” Hyunjin looked up at Minho. “Would that be alright? I’d pay for her, of course but—”

“You know you guys don’t have to pay. Family is free.”

Family. 

The smile on Hyunjin’s face said everything he couldn’t express with words. “Right. Family is free. Then I’ll call tomorrow and get Eunji enrolled in the classes for the fall.” 

“Dad, can I do it too? Please?” Hoyeon whined, pouting cutely as she clung to Felix’s knees. And how could he ever say no to her?

“Of course. I’ll call tomorrow too.” 

Haneul opened her mouth to beg Jisung as well, but he was one step ahead of her. “I texted Soomin already, sweetheart. You know I would forget if I had to do it tomorrow.”

“What about you, Yunseo? Do you want to dance at Uncle Minho’s studio?” Chan asked, fixing his son’s disheveled hair. 

Yunseo shrugged, seemingly unbothered. “Sure. Just for a little bit though. I want to try baseball too!” 

Minho laughed and reached down to scoop Jiyeon into his arms from where she was seated on the floor in front of him. “I’m sure your Uncle Seungmin would be more than happy to help you out with that dream.” 

A knock on his door interrupted the conversation they were having. Minho stood, a bit confused. He hadn’t been expecting any guests. 

But when he opened the door, his heart soared. There you were. 

“Yn, I wasn’t expecting you!”

“Ah, yeah, sorry.” You looked around him nervously, hearing laughter from inside his house. “I-Is now a bad time? I can just call or come back another time? It’s nothing important, I was just wanting to… talk to you. Actually, I’ll just go. I don’t really know why I came, I—”

“You don’t have to go.” His voice was soft and you looked up at him, wide-eyed. He looked at you so gently, so full of emotion you felt your heart beating in your throat. 

“Are you sure? Looks like you have a full house right now.” 

He shook his head. “I’m sure. Why don’t you come in?” 

“Okay.” You took a breath and stepped in hesitantly, bowing politely to the group of men in Minho’s living room. 

“They’re just over for a playdate. These are my brothers and their kids.” 

You caught onto the way he called them his brothers. You’d talked to him before about how he’d grown up an only child. These must be the best friends he spoke so highly of. You smiled at them and waved a little. “Hey.” 

“Where’s Haru?” 

“Ah, he’s with Ryujin. A-actually, Ryujin was the one who told me I should come over.” 

“Do you think he’d want to come over and play with the kids?” Minho asked carefully, not wanting to overstep any of your boundaries. “If he wanted to, maybe Ryujin could bring him? Ryujin could stay if she wanted, too.” 

“You know, maybe I should have her bring Haru over here. Ryu was wanting to meet up with some of our other friends at her apartment anyway.” You pulled out your phone to text Ryujin, nibbling on your bottom lip as you did so out of nervousness. You could feel the four men in the living room watching you. It made you anxious. They meant a lot to Minho, so you could help but want to impress them. 

“They’re all welcome here as well, if they want to hang out with us.” Minho offered, rubbing at the back of his neck awkwardly. “I-I mean, only if they want to.”

You looked up at him and smiled softly. Your smile put him at ease. “You know, what? That sounds kind of awesome. Let me ask Ryujin what she thinks.”

You texted Ryujin and after some back and forth, she decided she’d bring the girls and Haru to Minho’s apartment to hang out as one big friend group. You told Minho and he smiled so widely you thought your heart would melt. He finally brought you over to meet the guys, guiding you to sit beside him on the couch. When Jiyeon saw you, she ran and gave you a hug and it made your heart ache in a way you didn’t understand. 

“This is yn. She’s who I’ll be going camping with this weekend.” Minho’s hand fell on your knee and he squeezed it once to comfort you before gesturing to each of the men in the living room and naming them as he went. “Yn, these are my best friends, Chan, Felix, Hyunjin, and Jisung. I’ve told you about them before.” 

Jiyeon climbed onto the couch on your other side and curled into you. It was so cute you had to resist the urge to coo at her. “She’s Haru’s mom! Haru is my bestest friend from dance class! He’s really nice and he’s good at dancing too!” She turned to look at you intently. “Is Haru coming over?” 

“Yeah, he is. He should be here soon!” 

Jiyeon hummed happily and turned to look at her friends all chattering with each other and playing together all over the living room. She slid off the couch and joined them, so you looked up at the men sitting around you. They were all looking at you already. 

“So, yn,” Chan started, leaning back against the couch and positioning himself more comfortably. “Minho says you met at his dance studio. What made you want to enroll your son in dance classes there?” 

Minho groaned in embarrassment and buried his face in his hands. He didn’t say anything though. He knew nothing could stop his friends’ interrogation of you. You looked at Minho before looking back at Chan and answering. “Well, it was the dance studio that was closest to my apartment and it also had the best reviews. When I took Haru to Minho’s studio, I also found out that my best friend, Ryujin, is also an old friend of his, so there was that connection also.” 

“So you became friends because you had a mutual friend?” Felix asked, head tilting to the side cutely as he spoke. 

“Sort of,” you laughed and nodded. You felt yourself relaxing bit by bit as you spoke to them. “But we also became friends because our kids were friends.” 

Hyunjin was about to say something when his phone rang. He checked the caller ID and then smiled sheepishly at all of you. “One second, it’s my girlfriend.” 

He stood and walked into Minho’s bedroom to take the call. Everyone watched intently as he walked away. Felix hummed thoughtfully. “She had her last final last week. Do you think she got the results back and that’s why she’s calling?” 

“Probably,” Chan shrugged. “I’m sure she aced it. She’s fucking smart.” 

You felt a little awkward listening to them talk about people you didn’t know at all. But then there was a knock on the door. You and Minho both stood up quickly and then laughed at how you had mirrored one another. You followed him to the door, anticipating it being your friends and your son. 

“Mom!” Haru yelled when the door opened. He hugged you tightly, looking up at you with big, starry eyes. “Auntie Ryujin told me that we’re here for a playdate with Jiyeon.” 

“That’s right, baby.” You brushed his hair out of his face and then gestured to where all the kids were playing. “Jiyeon’s over there with her other friends. Why don’t you go play with them?” 

Haru slipped out of his shoes and all but skipped over to Jiyeon to greet her. You turned to find your friends talking to Minho. He looked at them kindly, but it wasn’t the same look he’d had when he greeted you. You smiled at that. It made you feel special. 

Ryujin hugged you first before squeezing past you to come inside. Your other friends, Yeji, Sohee, and Chaehyun followed, each of them squealing a little and hugging you. It had been too long since you’d all hung out together. Minho watched attentively and then ushered all of you back into the living room. He was running out of places to seat people. 

“These are my friends,” you said proudly, pointing each of them out as you introduced them. “Ryujin, Yeji, Sohee, and Chaehyun.” 

Each of them waved a little before finding places to sit. Sohee was the first to speak up. “It’s nice to meet you guys.”

Chan nodded and smiled warmly at her. “It’s great to meet you as well.” 

Hyunjin came back into the room with a huge smile on his face. “She passed her final! She’s done with her classes for the semester!” 

The guys all cheered happily. You figured they must all be close with Hyunjin’s girlfriend for them to be so excited about her passing her final. You wondered, for a brief moment, what it would be like to be with Minho like that. If his friends would be excited about your accomplishments like they were for Hyunjin’s girlfriend right now. 

“I told you, she’s fucking smart!” Chan cheered, patting Hyunjin on the shoulder as he sat back down beside him. 

“I’ll have to tell my fiancee when I get home,” Felix chimed in, wrapping an arm around Hyunjin’s shoulders as well. “She’ll want to celebrate with her.” 

“Tell her congrats from me, Hyun.” Jisung added, smiling widely as Hyunjin texted his girlfriend excitedly. 

You looked over at your friends, smiling a little when you saw them all chatting happily with one another. Ryujin and Yeji sat side by side, hip to hip, as they spoke in hushed tones. You would have to ask Ryujin if things were really strictly friends between them later. Chaehyun and Sohee giggled over something on Chaehyun’s phone. You looked at Minho. He was looking at you. 

“Mom!” Haru was in front of you suddenly, holding his hand out to you as his bottom lip wobbled and his eyes filled with tears. “I hurt my finger.” 

“Oh, baby,” you said softly, taking his small hand in yours and inspecting it. He wasn’t bleeding, but you could tell the finger was red and definitely sore. “Do you want me to kiss it better?” 

He nodded quickly, “Yes, please.” 

“Okay, sweetheart.” You brought his hand closer to you, kissing his finger gently. You smiled at him and combed your fingers through his hair soothingly. “All better. Be careful when you play, okay?” 

“Okay.” 

He ran off to play again and you realized the other people in the room had gotten much quieter. You looked around at everyone already looking at you. “Sorry, he just likes when I kiss it better…” 

“Why are you apologizing?” Jisung asked, confusion taking over his adorable features. “We just think you’re so sweet with him. It’s nice to watch.”

“Oh,” you looked away shyly. Minho pressed his shoulder into yours. It was something so small, but it comforted you more than you cared to admit. 

“Yeah, yn’s pretty much like, the best mom ever,” Chaehyun bragged on you, grinning up at you proudly. “Maybe I’m just a little biased though.” 

Sohee nodded in agreement. “She’s the best with Haru. Yn’s always been like… the mom friend of our little group, but even more so after Haru was born.”

“You can always count on yn to bring sunscreen to a beach day,” Yeji laughed and leaned into Ryujin as she talked. 

“Or for her to bring mosquito repellent when you’re camping!” Ryujin added, giggling and leaning back into Yeji. 

You felt slightly embarrassed that your friends were talking about you like this, but you were also happy to hear they loved you so much and thought you were a good mom and friend. You looked at Minho again out of the corner of your eye and saw that he was still looking at you. 

“So I can count on you to bring sunscreen and mosquito repellent, hm?” He teased, leaning close to you so he could speak softly in your ear. “What if I get hurt, will you kiss it better?” 

You looked at him fully at that, feeling the heat creeping up your neck at his words. Suddenly, his living room was too warm. You swallowed thickly. “Would you want me to?” 

“Yeah,” he grinned slyly and leaned away from you. “So will you?”

“I-I mean, yeah, sure.” 

He nodded, satisfied with your answer. You stared at him as anticipation filled your chest again. You would be camping with him, alone except for your children, in just two days.

ten

Usually, you rented a car to pack all your camping gear and food into, but Minho offered to drive all of you this time. His car was big enough for the four of you and all of your collective camping gear and food. You, of course, agreed. Not only did this save you a little bit of money, it meant you got to spend more time with Minho. 

Minho met you at your apartment, early in the morning on Thursday. You’d taken off Thursday and Friday so that you could have more time to camp with Haru, Minho, and Jiyeon. When Minho knocked on your door at 7:30 a.m., you were practically vibrating with anticipation. You were excited. 

You enjoyed camping anyway, especially when it was with your son. But adding Minho and his lovely daughter into the mix? It all just felt so special. Especially with how big your feelings for him had become. And knowing he liked you too.

“Hey,” he grinned at you, leaning against the door frame as he held a sleepy Jiyeon on his hip. “Ready to go?” 

You nodded, smiling back, “Yeah. We’re ready.” 

Minho set Jiyeon down and the two of you gathered the camping gear and food that you would be bringing. You only had to make two trips before you were ushering your kids out the door and getting them buckled into their car seats in Minho’s car. 

When you were all settled in the car, Minho started to drive. Since you’d been to the campsite before, you were his navigator. He also put you in charge of the aux cord, but you took music requests from Haru and Jiyeon (until they fell asleep, not even twenty minutes into the drive). While the kids slept, you put on a playlist of slow R&B songs for background music. 

“Take a right here to get onto the interstate, and then take the first exit.” 

Minho nodded and adjusted his grip on the steering wheel. You found your eyes drawn to his hands again—one stationed on the wheel and the other on the gearshift. You almost wished he’d reach across and put his hand on your thigh. You shook the thought from your head and directed your gaze to your phone again to check the directions. 

“So, do you go camping here every year?” Minho’s voice was soft as he spoke. He didn’t look at you, eyes fixed on the road in front of him, occasionally flicking to check his mirrors. 

You nodded, even though he wasn’t looking at you. “Yeah. My… ex-husband started the tradition before Haru was even born. He wanted to turn it into a family reunion sort of thing one day when our family was big enough for that.”

“It’s really…” Minho huffed as he tried to find the right words to say. He was frustrated that they seemed to elude him. “It’s really lovely that you’re still continuing it.” 

“Yeah I… I think he would want me to.” You sat in silence for a long moment and then decided to break it with a question. “Have you and Jiyeon ever been camping?”

Minho sighed softly at that and shook his head. “No. I mean, I have been camping before, but not with Jiyeon. Honestly, it kind of slipped my mind. I think she’ll really enjoy it though, so I think it’s something I’d like for us to do more often.”

“Haru really likes it,” you agreed, nodding a little. “Though, I think maybe he likes it mostly because he can get as dirty as he wants without having to take a full bath.”

Minho laughed and you smiled to yourself. You really loved hearing him laugh. “Yeah, kids are like that.” 

You looked at the navigation on your phone again and hummed happily. “At this rate, we’ll make it to the campsite by lunch time.” 

“Perfect.” 

You and Minho made small talk as you drove. Not the kind of tedious small talk that usually annoyed you. This was nice. Though maybe that was just because it was Minho. Haru and Jiyeon woke up when you were about an hour away from the campsite, so you switched the music to songs they liked and turned it up a little bit. 

Minho watched out of the corner of your eye as you sang along to the children’s songs and danced a little in your seat, turning around occasionally to make faces at Haru and Jiyeon. He tried to hide his smile but he was sure you could see it anyway. All he could think about was how right he felt with you in the car beside him, both of your kids in the backseat. 

“Okay, turn left here… aaaaand we’ve arrived!” You cheered, grinning widely as you surveyed the campsite you’d reserved ahead of time. 

When Minho parked the car, you were quick to get out so you could unbuckle Haru from his car seat. Minho did the same for Jiyeon and then the two of you unloaded the car as the kids played. Minho pulled the tent out first after you decided to keep the coolers with the food in the car so they’d be shielded from the sun. 

“Have you put together a tent before?” You asked Minho cheerfully as you started to unzip the bag the tent was in so you put it together. 

He grinned and nodded. “Yeah. It’s been a while, but I’m sure it can’t be that hard.” 

“It’s not,” you confirmed, smirking at him a little as you continued. “Especially not with me, a professional camper. I’ve set this thing up alone for three years now, it’ll only be easier with the two of us.” 

He agreed and then the two of you got to work setting up the tent. You were right. It was easier with two of you. It was more fun too. You’d already laughed more than you ever had while setting up the tent. Minho struggled a little at first, but he got the hang of it pretty quickly. He bragged that he was a fast learner. You agreed. 

After you got the tent set up, Minho offered to make lunch while you blew up the air mattresses. So the two of you parted ways. Minho started a fire to cook on and you started his car so you could plug in the pump to blow up the mattresses. You glanced over at him at one point, smiling at the concentrated look on his face. He pouted a little as he worked and you couldn’t help but notice how cute he was. 

Once the air mattresses were both blown up, you gathered all of the pillows and blankets both you and Minho had brought and set up the beds. You put everyone’s bags in the tent and then zipped it up, satisfied with your work. 

“Okay kids, let’s get some bug spray on you!” You called, grabbing the can of mosquito repellent from the car. 

Haru and Jiyeon ran over to you and sprayed them both with the repellent, careful not to get it in their eyes or mouths. Haru coughed dramatically anyways. When you were done with them, they ran off to play again. You set the can down on the picnic table as you move to stand beside Minho at the fire. 

He looked over at you for a moment, a peaceful smile stretched easily over his face, before directing his attention back to the food over the fire. “You better not spray that around the food or the fire.” 

“Don’t worry, I won’t,” you giggled, watching as he cooked. “I’ve done this enough times, Min, I know what I’m doing.” 

Min. You’d never called him that before. He liked it.

He held his hands up in surrender and laughed with you. “You’re right, you’re right. Camping queen.” 

“Mom,” Haru whined, running over to you. You stopped him, chastising him about running so close to the fire, but then let him continue. “Is lunch almost ready? I’m hungry.” 

“Yes, honey, it’s almost ready. Why don’t we clean our hands with a wipe really fast, okay?” 

Haru nodded and let you clean his hands with a wet wipe. Jiyeon held her hands out to you silently and let you wipe them clean. Minho watched as you took care of your son and his daughter, his heart feeling fuller than it had in a long time. You helped the kids sit at the picnic table and then stood beside Minho again, ready to get plates of food ready for the kids when he was finished. 

“Try this?” 

Minho held some of the meat he’d been cooking out towards you so you could try it and you nodded, opening your mouth wider as he fed it to you. You hummed happily, dancing in place as you chewed. “Mmm, Min, have I told you how much I love your cooking?” 

“You know,” he teased you, poking you in the side gently. “I don’t think you have.” 

“Well, I’m telling you now. I love your cooking.” 

He looked away shyly, pulling the food off the fire, “Thanks, yn.” 

Jiyeon clapped her hands excitedly as you prepared food for both children. Haru watched with wide eyes, his mouth practically watering. You couldn’t help but laugh a little at their eagerness. When you placed the paper plates in front of them, they cheered and started eating. With how fast they ate, one would think they hadn’t eaten in years, though you and Minho both knew they’d eaten breakfast earlier that morning. 

The rest of the day seemed to go by quickly. Time does fly when you’re having fun. And time spent with Minho and his daughter was always great. His smile made you insanely happy, her sweet little laugh warmed your heart, and the best part of it was how much Haru adored them both as well. 

When it was time for bed, you and Minho got Haru and Jiyeon ready to sleep, made sure they were all tucked in, and then left them in the tent to settle down on their own. You sat beside him in your camping chair, seated so close to him your shoulders brushed against each other. You liked being close to him like this. You liked how comfortable you were with him in silence. 

“Yn I—”

“I have to tell you something.” 

You looked at Minho and laughed. He shook his head, smiling at you gently. “You go first. What did you want to tell me?”

“I…” You took a deep breath, and looked at Minho a little more intently, hoping he could see how genuine you were in your eyes as you spoke. “I heard you that night… when I had a nightmare and you thought I was asleep.”

He blanched, pulling back a little bit. “O-oh. Yn, I—”

“I’m not done yet.” Your voice was soft and you reached out for him, hand finding his cheek. He leaned into your touch and breathed out in relief. 

“Okay.” 

“You thought I was asleep and you… confessed you had feelings for me. Did you mean that?” 

“Yeah. I did.” 

You nodded and slid your hand from his cheek to the back of his neck, threading your fingers into the hair at his nape. “Do you still feel that way?” 

“I do,” he breathed out, swallowing thickly as you got closer to him. 

“Minho,” you whispered, looking up at him through your eyelashes. “I didn’t think I’d ever find someone after my husband died. I didn’t think I wanted to. But then I met you. Something about you is so comforting and wonderful. You’re kind and compassionate, tender and understanding and attentive. You are loving to your daughter and careful with my son and the other children you teach. You are so full of every wonderful thing I could ever dream of finding in a man. And I like you. I like you so much. I think that I might even… love you. But I haven’t taken the time to really unpack that one.” 

“I like you so much.” His eyes were swimming with emotion, so many all at once. Happiness, hope, confusion, fear, love. “I like you more than I think I’ve ever liked anyone. I like you more than I ever liked her. You are so admirable and beautiful and amazing. And god, the way you love your son so fully… that might be one of my favorite things to witness. You’re everything I wish my ex was. And you’re good with Jiyeon too. You’re so good with her. 

“And you know,” he laughed a little bit to himself, smiling at you wider than you’d ever seen him smile. “I think I was meant to meet you. To have you in my life. I’ve spent so much time running from the past—running from bad memories with my ex. But since I’ve met you, I’ve allowed myself to… feel. I haven’t thought about how hurt I was back then… like, ever. It just hurt too much. But because of you, I’ve been able to think about it and really get over it.

“I’m not great with words, yn. I don’t really know how to express myself. But I know that I care about you so much. More than I’ve cared about anyone. I-I mean, except for Jiyeon, but that’s different. I’m sorry. I’m rambling so much. Fuck, I told you I’m not good with words.” 

You laughed a little and leaned your forehead against his. “Do you want to know something? I am so scared, Lee Minho. But I think I can be brave if it’s you I’m chasing after. You better not break my heart.” 

“I wouldn’t dare.” 

“Minho?” 

He exhaled and you could feel it against your lips. “Yeah?” 

“If I asked you to kiss me right now… what would you say?” 

“I’d say yes,” his voice wavered, even though he tried to keep it steady. “And then I’d kiss you.” 

“Minho?” You asked, voice barely more than a whisper. He hummed in acknowledgement and your eyes fluttered closed. “Kiss me?” 

He laughed breathlessly. “Yes.” 

When his lips finally touched yours, it felt like fireworks. He was sweet and tasted like s’mores and his lips were soft and plush as they moved against your own. His hands were quick to wrap around you and hold you as close as he could with you being in a completely different chair than him. Your hands wrapped around his neck, tangling in his hair as you kissed him deeper.

He whined low in his throat when you pulled away. “It’s kind of hard to kiss like this.”

“Yeah,” he agreed, frowning a little. He looked around the campsite and then his eyes lit up. “Wait here, sweetheart, I have an idea.” 

You watched as he pulled the picnic table nearer to the fire with ease. You smiled. You’d be able to sit on the bench and still feel the warmth of the fire. Maybe if you were lucky, he’d let you sit on his lap. 

He helped you up and led you over to the picnic table. You sat down next to him and he immediately wrapped an arm around you. “How is it? Is it close enough? Can you feel the warmth?” 

“It’s perfect, Min.” You nodded and turned to face him, eyes focused on his lips again. “Thank you.” 

“Fuck, I want to kiss you again,” he whispered, watching you with hazy eyes as you swung a leg over him and settled on his lap. 

You leaned in, whispering in his ear. You didn’t think you’d ever been so bold in your life. “So, kiss me.” 

Minho’s hands fell to your hips and he pulled you impossibly close. “We should probably talk about this.” 

“We should,” you agreed, but you didn’t move away. 

He chewed on his bottom lip, looking at you intently. “Can we… talk about it later?” 

You couldn’t help but giggle as you leaned into him further, holding on to him tightly. “You want to kiss me that bad, hm?” 

“Kind of,” he smiled sheepishly, but didn’t move away from you. 

“So then, what are you waiting for?”

“For you to say yes.” 

You shook your head, scoffing a little. “You don’t have to ask anymore.” 

“I should always ask,” he whispered, one of his hands coming up to brush over your forehead tenderly. “I would never want to make you uncomfortable or make you do something you don’t want to do.”

You melted into him, his words putting your heart at ease. “God, I think I love you.” 

“Yeah, yeah,” he brushed it off, embarrassed and shy now that you were admitting just how deep your feelings were for him. “I think I love you back.” 

“Kiss me, Min.” 

“Okay.” 

You shuffled closer to him and he was quick to attach his lips to yours again in a sweet kiss. You could feel the warmth of the campfire on your back. Minho’s hands were warm too, and you could feel the heat even through your clothes. Stars twinkled in the inky sky above you and all you could think about was how magical everything felt. 

“Wait, yn, I have to tell you something.” 

“O-oh, what is it?” You were worried by the tone of his voice. He suddenly sounded frantic as he pulled away from you, looking at you with wide, conflicted eyes. 

He took a breath and opened his mouth, but nothing came out. He closed it again. And opened it. And spoke. “I-I… I think about you sometimes when I… get myself off…”

“I—you—what?” You blinked slowly, trying to process what he had said. 

He groaned, burying his face in his hands. He was mortified. You probably hated him now. “I don’t mean to, it just kind of happens—”

“Damn.” You frowned a little, crossing your arms. “You mean you don’t think of me on your own free will?” 

He blinked at you, confusion written across his face. “Well, I-I just—”

“Min,” you whispered, uncrossing your arms and placing your hands carefully on his chest. “I have dreams about you. So I’m not upset or disgusted or anything. It’s human to be attracted to someone sexually, and considering I am so into you, I’m honestly kind of flattered.” 

“You… you are?” 

You hummed and nodded, pushing his hair off his forehead and pressing a gentle kiss there. The fire was slowly dying behind you. You knew you’d have to get up soon and put it out completely so you could go to sleep, but for now, you were content as you were, in Minho’s arms, knowing he loved you back. 

“You’re so amazing,” he murmured, looking up at you, awestricken. He cleared his throat and looked away from you, cheeks darkening with embarrassment. “Ah, don’t get used to me being nice to you. I’m only being like this because you just confessed.” 

“You’ve always been like this to me, Min.” You laughed, climbing off his lap and giggling harder when he pouted. 

He stood and helped you clean up the campsite for the night, grumbling to himself all the while. “What do you mean? All my friends tell me I’m mean to them.” 

“Maybe you’re just soft when it’s me,” you teased, even though you figured there was some truth to it.

“Me?” He gasped, looking almost offended as he crossed his arms. “Soft?”

“Mhm. You’re very soft for me, you know. I think you try to hide it, but I can see it in the way you look at me. The way you smile a lot when we’re together.”

He looked like you just told him he’d grown ears and a cat tail. He almost didn’t believe you. But when he thought back, he knew you were right. He hadn’t been nearly as harsh with his words, hadn’t made unnecessary jabs (not even the playful, joking ones), and had been smiling so much more. You brought out a side of him he didn’t realize he had. A side not even his ex-girlfriend had ever seen. 

Once you’d cleaned up the campsite and put the fire out completely, you followed Minho into the tent. Haru and Jiyeon were sleeping on the mattress, bundled up in a pile of quilts and pillows. The tent was small, but still big enough that you could change into your pajamas standing up. Minho turned his back to you, offering you privacy without you having to ask. 

You were grateful. You weren’t sure you were ready for him to see you yet. 

When you were dressed, you slid under the blankets on the air mattress and Minho joined you moments later. He kept his distance, still wary of crossing any boundaries of yours. 

“Min?” 

“Yeah?” 

You took a deep breath and scooted a little closer to him. “I’m cold.”

“C’mere, sweetheart,” He rolled over and faced you, pulling you into his arms. You instantly sunk into his warmth, sighing contentedly. 

“Thank you.” 

“Of course.” 

You were quiet for a long moment and Minho thought maybe you’d drifted off to sleep. Until you spoke again, voice still soft so you didn’t wake up either of the sleeping children. “Min?”

“Yes?” 

“Will you still love me in the morning?” 

“I’ll still love you in the morning,” he whispered against your hair, squeezing you just a little closer to him. “And I’ll love you at the end of tomorrow. And the day after that too. I love you. That won’t change from one moment to the next.” 

“I love you, Minho. I really didn’t think I’d fall in love again, but you make it so easy.”

He could hear you sniffling, could hear the way you were getting choked up as you spoke. He hummed softly, rubbing your back and trying to soothe you. “Shhh, don’t cry. We’ll talk more about this in the morning. Sleep, for now.” 

You nodded. Everything felt so right. Having him so close to you felt right. “Okay. Goodnight, Min.” 

“Goodnight, yn.” 

The weekend went faster than you wanted it to. Before you knew it, you were packing up camp and driving back home. The weekend was full of laughter (usually because of your children), sneaky glances between you and Minho, and relaxation. That was maybe what you appreciated the most. Ever since you and Minho had confessed your feelings to one another, you’d felt so much lighter. 

You almost didn’t want to go back to the real world. You didn’t want to go back to work. And honestly, you were kind of scared to. What if your magical moment with Minho was just some sort of weekend fling? What if things changed when you got back?

But Minho held your hand the entire drive home, and that eased your nerves a little bit. 

When you got home, Minho helped you unpack the leftover food and camping gear and sat with you on the couch in your living room while Jiyeon and Haru played a little longer. “So I probably won’t be able to see you much the next three weeks or so.” 

You frowned a little at Minho’s admittance but nodded, trying to be understanding. “Oh, okay.” 

“It’s not that I don’t want to,” Minho was quick to ease your mind, hoping it would keep you from looking so sad. “I was asked to be a part of a showcase including multiple dance studios where the instructors will each perform one or two dances to promote their studio. It’s a great opportunity to gain new students. And I haven’t performed in a long time… I’m kind of looking forward to it.” 

“Oh. Min, that’s great! When is the showcase? Can I come?”

His ears reddened and he looked away. He was getting shy again. “Of course. I’d love for you to be there. I’ll text you the details.”

“Okay,” you nodded. “Maybe that night… I could have my parents watch Haru. W-we could, like, go out afterwards or something. If you wanted to.” 

He grinned at you and reached out and squeezed your hand. “I’d really really like that. I usually leave Jiyeon with my parents when I do stuff like this because they tend to go later into the evening and Jiyeon gets bored after a while anyway.”

“I’m excited to see you dance,” you curled into his side, pressing a sweet kiss to his jawline. “Maybe someday you can teach me to dance again.” 

“Only if you don’t run out this time.” 

You slapped him on the arm, pouting a little at the reminder. “I’m sorry, I just… got scared. My feelings were overwhelming and I didn’t know what to do. I shouldn’t have just run like that but… well we’re here now, at least, yeah?” 

“Yeah,” he laughed a little, hugging you a little tighter. “Yeah, I know. I’m not upset. I’m just teasing you.” 

Jiyeon ran out of Haru’s room and you pulled away from Minho. She stopped in front of him, pouting and whining as she spoke. “Dad, can we go home soon? I want to change my outfit and I’m hungry.” 

“Okay,” Minho nodded and stood, squeezing your hand as he got up. The small gesture went unnoticed by Jiyeon and Haru who had come out of his room after Jiyeon. “We can go home now, my love.” 

Jiyeon looked from Minho to you and back to him. “Are you sure? You can still talk if you want. I just want to go home soon.” 

“It’s okay,” you interjected, smiling gently at her. “We’re done talking now, so it’s okay, really.” 

Jiyeon nodded and grabbed her dad’s hand after saying goodbye to Haru and giving you a quick hug. She’d never hugged you before, and you would never make her, so the action warmed your heart. You looked up at Minho to see him already grinning down at you. 

“I’ll text you when I get home, yeah?” 

“Okay.” 

“Bye, yn.” He turned to your son and gave him a fistbump. “Bye, Haru.”

“Bye.”

eleven

One week turned to two, two turned to three, until it was the night of Minho’s showcase. You really hadn’t talked to Minho over the past few weeks. You missed talking to him, but you understood why he was so busy, and you were proud of him. 

You had texted him good luck a couple of hours ago, knowing he’d be at the venue for a final rehearsal, costuming, and hair and makeup. He hadn’t responded, but you didn’t mind. You were excited to watch him dance. Memories of the time he started to teach you to dance flashed in your mind. You pushed them away, trying to ignore the tingling in your fingertips. 

You had also called your friends, asking them for advice on what you should wear. When you told them that you’d be spending the evening with Minho after his dance showcase, both of your children with their grandparents, they’d all but freaked out.

“You guys are spending the night together? Alone?” Ryujin practically screamed through the phone. You held it away from your ear, cringing a little at the volume of her voice. 

Chaehyun’s voice came next, also practically screaming. “Oh my god, yn! Please tell me you’re going to wear the lacy black set! Not the basic one, but the one with all the pretty designs. You look so good in that one. Please say you’ll wear it.” 

“I-I don’t know, Chae. I don’t think we’re going to—”

“Do you want to have sex with him?” Sohee chimed in, her voice much calmer than Ryujin’s and Chaehyun’s. 

“I… I mean, yeah, I want to, but I don’t know if he wants to have sex with me.” 

“He’s an idiot if he doesn’t,” Ryujin grumbled and you could almost picture her with her arms crossed, pouting as she sat on her bed, scrolling through Instagram as you spoke. 

“Wear the set, yn,” Yeji urged. “Even if you guys don’t do anything, it’ll make you feel more confident. So you should wear it.” 

Everyone was silent, waiting for your final verdict. You sighed and rummaged through your closet for the set they were talking about. “Fine. I’ll wear it. But I’m telling you, I don’t think anything is going to happen.” 

There was a cacophony of cheering over the phone as your four best friends praised you for your “wise decision.” You rolled your eyes and loudly announced you were hanging up. You tossed your phone on the bed and got ready for the dance showcase. 

Despite your racy undergarments, the outfit you wore over it was simple and nice. You didn’t think you had to dress up much for a dance showcase. And it wasn’t like you’d really know anyone there other than Minho anyway. 

By the time you were finished, it was time to leave. You made sure you had all of your things and left to catch the bus. You could hardly sit still the entire ride to the venue—you were excited for Minho’s performance. You’d been eager to see him dance again since the time you’d run out on him. 

You sat near the front of the audience, watching each dancer from various dance studios perform. You frequently checked the program, silently counting how many dances it was until Minho. He was second to last. His turn couldn’t come soon enough. 

As the dance before his ended, you kept your eyes fixed on the stage, waiting for him to come out onto the stage. A few days ago, he had called you and told you that you would like his outfit but refused to tell you what it looked like. So you were even more eager to see him. You hadn’t seen him for more than five minutes at a time in person since your camping trip and, needless to say, you missed him.

In the darkness of the auditorium, you saw the dark shape of him coming onto the stage. You leaned forward a little, watching intently and straining your eyes to try and make him out despite the lack of lighting at the moment. 

When the lights came up, you lost your breath. You knew he was beautiful, obviously, but there was something about seeing him like this—in a special outfit, hair done up off his forehead, a little bit of makeup—that made him look so surreal. How was he even real? 

Your eyes stopped on the zipper positioned at his throat, zipped almost all the way up. You thought about what it would be like to just… unzip it and kiss his pretty chest. You shook your head, you had to focus. And then, the song started—it was one you recognized. You vaguely remembered it was called “Taste.” And it was the song Minho had tried to teach you to dance to when you’d run away. 

Your mouth felt dry all of a sudden and your eyes zeroed in on him. His eyes met yours at the perfect moment and he smirked as dragged his hand up his body, thrusting his hips slightly into the air. You shifted in your seat, suddenly hyper aware of the tingling in between your legs. 

You tried to pay attention to the rest of his dance, but the fuzziness in your brain made it a little hard to focus on him. You found your eyes drawn to his hands, thoughts of having them all over you taking over. When you realized, you blinked and looked at him again, but seeing the smirk on his face just made it even more difficult. He knew he was hot. Knew what he was doing to you. 

You watched as the zipper, once positioned at his throat, slowly unzipped as he danced, revealing more and more of his smooth chest. You hoped the people around you were actually focusing on the dance and not taking note of the way you ogled your… boyfriend? You’d have to ask him when you were thinking more clearly if he wanted to be exclusive. 

The dance ended too soon for your liking. You wanted to see more of him. Maybe your friends were right. Maybe you would have sex with Minho tonight. 

You didn’t pay attention to the dance that came after his. You hardly registered the showcase ending. You barely noticed when you stood and followed the crowd out to the lobby where you would greet Minho. You almost didn’t recognize him when he was in front of you, skin still damp with sweat, shirt halfway unzipped, hair still pushed off of his forehead. 

You wanted to kiss him. 

“You did so good, Min.” 

“Thanks,” he grinned shyly, looking at his feet for a moment. “I messed up on the bridge but—”

“I didn’t even notice. I doubt anyone else did. You were mesmerizing.” 

He raised an eyebrow at that, crossing his arms so he could tease you. “Yeah? You sure you’re not just saying that because you think I look hot dressed up like this?” 

You smacked him on the shoulder, looking around you incredulously. “Minho, we’re in public.” 

“So?” He shrugged, laughing as you continued to look around, paranoid that people were listening to you. “It’s not like anyone is listening. And I didn’t say anything that bad. Certainly nothing that wasn’t true.” 

“Whatever,” you grumbled, rolling your eyes and looking away.

He leaned in closer to you, whispering in your ear, “Want to get out of here?”

You nodded and let him lead you out of the building and down the street to his car. When you were safely buckled in and Minho had started to drive, you looked over at him, admiring how he looked like this. He looked relaxed. He looked happy. “That was the dance you tried to teach me, wasn’t it?” 

“Yeah,” he laughed a little. “Yeah, that’s the one.”

“I really want to kiss you.”

His eyes widened, almost imperceptibly, but you knew him well enough at this point that you caught on to his tells. “You can kiss me when we get back to my place.” 

“Really? You’ll let me?” 

He nodded, eyes still focused forward as he swallowed thickly. “I’d let you do just about anything to me.” 

“Yeah?” Your voice was quiet. Both of you felt the shift in the atmosphere. “Can I unzip the shirt all the way?” 

“If it’s what you want.” 

“And, can I kiss your chest? Maybe mark you up a little?” 

“Fuck, yn,” he groaned, hands tightening their grip on the steering wheel. “You can mark me up as much as you want if you let me do it back.” 

You hummed, satisfied with his answer. You turned to look out the window. “Okay.”

He shook his head, opting not to say anything. The tension in the car for the rest of the ride was so thick you were sure you could cut it with a knife. You didn’t look at him, worried you wouldn’t be able to hold yourself back if you looked at the damned zippered shirt any longer. 

Minho parked the car and the two of you made your way to his apartment in complete silence. The second the door was closed behind the two of you, you were pulling him down to kiss you. He groaned a little against your lips. Where your first kiss with him had been sweet and had carried all the love you felt for one another, this one was more intense, filled with desire and need. 

You were quick to run your tongue across his bottom lip and he didn’t hesitate to open his mouth. You slid your tongue against his and he moaned again. He couldn’t get enough of you. He held your face in both of his hands as he kissed you. 

He kissed you until you couldn’t breathe. And you kissed him back, equally as fervent. He pulled away to look at you. “Babe, this is going to sound so unsexy, but I still have the fucking dance belt on, so can I change—”

“Why?” You frowned a little, kneeling in front of him. “I can just take it off for you.” 

He squeezed his eyes shut as he bit back a groan at the thought of you undressing him. “Okay. Yeah, okay. J-just, not here. Can we—can we go to the bedroom first?”

You stood and he pulled you along behind him, leading you to his bedroom. Every part of your body vibrated with anticipation. Before, you’d been scared when you’d thought about maybe having sex with him—not because you were scared of him, but because you were scared of what he would think of you. Now though, you were just excited. 

When you were in his room, he leaned in and kissed you again. You had hardly made it over the threshold, but you didn’t mind. He closed the door behind him and your hands roamed over his shoulders and down the expanse of his exposed chest. Your fingers paused on his sternum and you could feel his heartbeat, racing almost as fast as yours. Then, you grabbed the zipper, pulling it down ever so slowly, teasing him. 

You pushed one side of the shirt out of the way so you could kiss his chest. He groaned lowly when you sucked, leaving a pretty purple mark. You drew back to admire your work, humming in satisfaction before leaning in and leaving more hickeys across his chest, on his collarbones, on his throat. He threw his head back, biting back his noises, embarrassed at how much you affected him. 

“Need this off now,” you muttered, reaching for the bottom of the shirt so you could pull it off of him. You pushed him so he was leaning back against the door. 

He pouted a little, teasing you. “Aw, thought you liked the shirt though?” 

“I do, but I like it better when it’s on the floor and I can see you.” 

He laughed at your eagerness and watched as you started to undo his pants. He stopped you, teasing pout on his lips again. “I want to see you too.” 

You swallowed and looked down at yourself before looking back at him and looking away again. “M-Min, I…”

“Hey,” he reached down, tilting your chin up so he could see your eyes. “You don’t have to if you’re not comfortable. We don’t have to do anything you’re not comfortable with.” 

You didn’t even realize the tears welling up in your eyes until he was kneeling down in front of you, arms wrapped around you as he pulled you to his chest in a warm embrace. You sniffled and breathed him in. He still smelled so good. “I-It’s not that I don’t want to, I’m just nervous.” 

“Why are you nervous, darling?”

“I don’t look the same as I did before. M-my body is so different now, and no one has seen me since Haru was born. N-not even my ex-husband because he—well, you know. A-and the night I was drunk you didn’t really look at me and—”

“Look at me, pretty.” Minho’s gentle voice calmed you down and you took a few deep breaths before looking at him. “You are so beautiful, no matter what. And do you want to know my personal opinion?” 

You nodded silently and he smiled so tenderly at you. “I think you’re even more beautiful because your body is different now. That’s proof of a miracle in and of itself. You carried another human inside of you, you birthed him, and have cared for him ever since. Stretch marks? So fucking hot. A body that doesn’t look the same as when you were young and hadn’t had Haru? Gorgeous. You are beautiful. Bodies change, even when they’re not carrying literal humans. It’s normal. You don’t have to be scared of what I’ll think. I’m so in love with you and that makes you automatically ten times hotter, which means you’re actually one hundred out of ten because I already thought you were a ten out of ten.” 

You laughed and wiped the tears from your eyes. It made him smile too. You leaned your head against his shoulder and sighed. “I’ll start with my shirt then.”

“Okay.” 

“Stand up first,” you said, scooting away from him so you could tug your shirt off. “So I can suck you off.” 

The sudden realization that your pretty mouth was going to be wrapped around his dick in only a few seconds made him groan again and he stood, leaning against the wall once more. You tugged your shirt off over your head and tossed it somewhere behind you. You looked up in time to see Minho suck in a breath. 

“God, you’re beautiful.” He whispered, reaching down to gather your hair away from your face. “So fucking pretty, baby.” 

You smiled shyly at him and then started to unzip his pants again, pulling them down his legs carefully. You giggled a little when you saw the dance belt. It was almost like a padded thong, you thought. Minho nudged you with his knee when you started laughing, so you stopped, humming to yourself eagerly as you pulled the dance belt off of him. 

He sighed in relief as his hardened dick was released from the confines of the dance belt, and you blew on the tip, enjoying the way his jaw dropped open at the sensation. You held him in your hands, licking at the tip a couple of times before taking it in your mouth and sucking a little. Minho had to resist the urge to buck his hips into his mouth. As much as he wanted to feel good, he cared about you and your comfort more than anything else. 

“Ah, you’re so good.” His eyes were screwed shut, head back against the wall. 

Warmth spread through your body at the praise and you took him a little further into your mouth. The sounds he made spurred you on, so you sucked him off as best you could. You were a bit rusty, not having had much “action” since your son was born and your ex-husband had passed away. Minho didn’t seem to mind or notice though. You were grateful, in that moment, that he also hadn’t had sex in a while. 

“Fuck,” he pulled you off, “I don’t want to cum yet. I’m sorry.” 

You shook your head, grinning at him as you leaned back on your heels. “It’s okay. Don’t be sorry.” 

Minho helped you to your feet and kissed you again. You were addicted to the way he tasted, to the way his mouth felt against yours. Everything about him was perfect. How did you get so lucky? 

“How far do you want to go?” He murmured, leaning in to press a gentle kiss to your shoulder. “I can make you feel good, however you want. And if you don’t want that we don’t have to do anything else.” 

“I want you,” you whispered back.

“How do you want me, pretty?” 

You thought for a moment and then your eyes fixed on his hands, now holding your waist. “I want your fingers.”

“Yeah? Are you sure?” 

“Yes,” you whined playfully, walking away from him to sit on his bed. “I’m sure.” 

“Do you want to take your pants off?” His voice was still gentle, tentative, ready to stop whenever you said the word. 

You swallowed, nerves coursing through you, but after his sweet reaction to you when you took your shirt off, you knew you could trust him, so you nodded. “Yeah. Will you take them off for me?” 

He looked into your eyes, searching for any hesitance. Finding none, he helped you out of your pants. He didn’t look down at first, which made you nervous. You laughed anxiously, looking away from him. “Y-you can look at me… if you want.” 

His eyes flicked downward and you watched his Adam’s apple bob as he swallowed thickly. “You’re so fucking beautiful.” 

He maneuvered so he was in between your legs on his stomach and you laid back against the pillows on his bed. He pressed sweet kisses over your thighs, sucking dark marks onto them. He kissed up, up, up, until he was pressing gentle kisses over your stomach as well, leaving marks there too. 

“You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen, yn. I mean that.” His voice was genuine as he spread your legs a little more. “Can I take your underwear off?” 

You nodded, not trusting your voice. With how emotional he was making you, you didn’t think anything coherent would come out if you tried to speak. 

He hooked his fingers under the band of your underwear and tugged them down slowly. You watched him practically salivate over you when you were exposed to him. He rubbed a thumb through your folds, spreading you open and gathering your wetness before dragging it over your clit in gentle circles. He moved carefully, but skillfully. You were already writhing under his touch, wetness gathering between your legs. 

“You’re so hot. So perfect.” 

You whined a little as he slowly pushed his middle finger into your heat. “M-Min—”

“I know,” he whispered, “It feels good doesn’t it? Been so long since someone touched you like this, hm?”

“Yeah…” 

“Don’t worry, baby, I’ll make sure you feel so good.” 

You whined as his finger pumped in and out of you, thumb still rubbing your clit. You clung to his shoulders as he pushed a second finger into you. “O-oh. Min, you’re so—feels so—” 

“Shh, it’s okay, sweetheart. You don’t have to try and say anything. Just moan for me yeah? Want to hear how pretty you sound.” 

You moaned, clenching around his fingers and scratching at his shoulders as he started to scissor you open. It wasn’t long before he was adding a third finger, stretching you out perfectly. He curled his fingers upwards, rubbing against your g-spot and making you see stars. You gasped, digging your fingers into his back. 

“Hm, is that it? That’s the spot?” His tone was teasing but still gentle and you nodded as he continued to curl his fingers into the same spot as before. 

“I-I’m so close, Min. I’m gonna—”

“Cum for me, sweetheart.” He kissed you, fingers never stopping. 

His words and the sweet kiss were all it took to send you reeling over the edge. You moaned loudly, burying your face in his neck as you spasmed around his fingers. He pumped his fingers in and out, thumb rubbing at your clit, as you came down. When you whined at the overstimulation, he pulled his fingers out carefully. 

“You did so good, my love,” he whispered, kissing your forehead tenderly. “Are you all done, or do you want to keep going?” 

“I want you,” you whimpered, hands sliding down his back to rest on his hips. You pulled his body into yours. “Want you so bad. Inside.” 

Minho nodded but then stopped. Face falling and head rolling back in annoyance. “Fuck.” 

“What’s wrong?” You sat up, concern painting your features as you made him look at you again. 

“I don’t have any condoms. E-even if I did, they’d probably be fucking expired—”

“I’m on birth control,” you whispered, still holding his face in your hands. “I started taking it a while back to help regulate my periods and such. I’m not ovulating right now either. And I’m clean. Even though I trusted my husband, I still insisted we get tested together. A-and then I got pregnant and we didn’t really have sex and then Haru was born and… W-well, what I’m trying to say is… if you’re clean, we can do it raw… if you want.”

He looked at you, eyes wide as you spoke. Your voice trailed off and he blinked slowly, processing your words. “I could… I could fuck you raw?” 

You looked away shyly, slowly letting go of his face to let your hands fall to his shoulders. “Yeah.” 

“Fuck… yeah I-I’m clean. I got tested after I found out she was cheating on me and I was clean and… yeah I haven’t had sex since then so… I’m clean.”

“Okay,” you laid back down, pulling him with you. 

“W-wait, are you sure you want to?” 

You ran your fingers through Minho’s hair, heart clenching at how sweet he was being. “I’m sure.” 

Minho nodded and reached across you to grab lube out of the drawer of his bedside table. He squirted it into hand and jerked himself off a couple times before positioning himself at your entrance. “Ready?”

“Yeah,” you breathed, wrapping your arms around his neck.

He pushed into you slowly, watching your face to make sure you weren’t hurting. He paused when he bottomed out. You gasped, walls fluttering around him at how full you felt. 

“You can move now,” you murmured after you’d adjusted to the feeling of having him inside of you.

“Fuck,” he groaned, dropping his head into the crook of your neck. He pressed chaste kisses to your skin and moaned softly. “Fuck, I forgot how good sex feels. You feel so good. Thank you for letting me feel you. Thank you for trusting me.” 

You held him impossibly close as he rolled his hips into yours, angled perfectly to nudge that perfect spot inside of you with his tip. “Thank you for being patient with me. For loving me. I am so lucky to have met you.” 

He cried out a little at your words, and you weren’t sure if it was because of what you had said or because of how good you felt. You didn’t care either way, you were becoming too lost in your own pleasure. 

“I love you,” he whispered. “Fuck, I love you so much. I’m not one to say it that often, but with you, I feel like my chest will burst if I don’t tell you all the time. I love you, yn. So much.” 

“M-Min,” you gasped, clinging to him as he continued to thrust his hips into you perfectly. 

You hadn’t realized how much you’d been craving intimacy. You hadn’t realized how much you craved the feeling of being wanted. You didn’t know you were missing out on something so special. You thought, surely, it could only ever feel like this with your first love. Your ex-husband. But with Minho, that specialness felt like it was tenfold. 

Minho was something else entirely. Minho made you feel wanted in a way you couldn’t remember ever feeling. The intimacy you craved came so easily with Minho. He was just as desperate to feel good as you were, and yet he made a point to tell you that it was more than that for him. He loved you. You loved him. 

“I’m close,” you moaned. “D-do you think you can cum with me?” 

“Yes. God, yes.” He groaned low in your ear and reached between your bodies to rub at your clit.

The stimulation was almost overbearing. You felt the knot in your stomach tightening more and more and more until it snapped. You moaned, holding onto Minho tightly, as if he would disappear if you let go. You clenched tightly as you came and it sent him over the edge too. He bucked his hips into yours weakly as you rode out your highs. 

Even after you were both finished and his cock was softening inside of you, he was reluctant to pull out. His voice was soft, face still buried in the crook of your neck. “I love you.” 

“I love you back, Min.” 

“Okay,” he murmured, bracing himself against the bed. “I’m pulling out now. Gotta take care of you.” 

Your heart melted at his words and you sighed softly as he pulled out. He disappeared into the bathroom and returned with a warm, wet washcloth so he could clean your body of the remnants of both of your releases. He helped you up, guiding you to the bathroom attached to his bedroom so you could pee. He changed the sheets while you did, grateful his spare sheets were clean. When you were finished and he had successfully changed the sheets he helped you back into the bed. “Do you need water?” 

“Yes, please,” you nodded slowly, “But first, lay with me.”

He burrowed into your arms and sighed, content with having you close to him. He wondered if you could feel the love that was radiating off of his body. He wondered if you could hear the ‘I love you’ in every beat of his heart. He looked at you through heavy eyes, admiring how beautiful you were in this afterglow. 

“You’re glowing,” he mumbled, reaching up to trace a finger over your face. “So pretty.” 

You reached your own hand over and massaged his scalp which made him relax further into you. “You’re prettier.” 

He shook his head and laughed quietly. “That’s not possible.” 

There was a quiet meowing at the door of his bedroom. Minho looked over his shoulder at the door, as if looking at it would make it open. He grumbled and then stood to open the door for the cats. He shivered a little, cold now that he wasn’t in your embrace. He decided that while he was up, he might as well get the two of you water, so he made a quick trip to the kitchen.

When he returned with two glasses of water, Minho grabbed a pair of sweatpants from his closet and tugged them on. He grabbed one of his oversized t-shirts and brought it to you along with the water. “Put this on.” You looked at him, eyebrow raised and he looked down timidly. “Please. Want to see you in it.” 

“Okay,” you smiled gently at him and took the shirt, pulling it over your head. “There. Now come back and cuddle with me.” 

You didn’t have to tell him twice. He was already exhausted. “What time do you need to get Haru tomorrow?” 

“I told my parents I’d pick him up around one.” You murmured, hands finding their home in Minho’s soft hair again.

He nodded a little against you. “Okay. I’m picking Jiyeon up at three… Can’t wait to wake up next to you.” 

“Well,” you giggled, closing your eyes, “you kind of have to sleep first for that to happen.” 

“Mmm,” he hummed. “I’m getting there.” 

“I know I’ve already said it a lot, but… after everything that happened with my ex-husband… I’m scared something will happen and I just really need you to know that I love you so much. I’m so grateful for you, Min. Really, I am.” 

He was already halfway asleep when he answered. “I love you so much more. I’m so lucky to have met you.” 

twelve 

Minho decided his favorite thing was waking up next to you. He decided his second favorite thing was coming home to you at the end of the day. You weren’t always at his apartment with the kids after work, but when you were it was his favorite way to end the day. 

You had decided to stay the night. Three months ago when you started dating, staying the night wasn’t too common. You didn’t want to make the kids feel weird. Now, though, you were all close enough that they didn’t mind. They enjoyed the frequent sleepovers of their own. 

Minho opened the door to his apartment and was instantly greeted with music playing in the kitchen. He followed the sound and laughed as he saw you dancing around the kitchen with Haru and Jiyeon. You hadn’t heard him come in, and he liked that he was getting to see this side of you. He liked that you were comfortable around his daughter, liked that you were silly and fun and kind, liked that you were happy. You looked up then, eyes meeting his. Your heart skipped but the smile never fell. 

“Hi,” you breathed. 

Minho crossed his arms as he leaned against the counter, smiling back at you. “Hey.” 

“Dad!” Jiyeon cheered, skipping over to him and wrapping her small arms around his legs. “We’re dancing, Dad! Do you want to dance with us?” 

“Of course I do!” Minho bent down and lifted his daughter up off the ground, dancing around with her in his arms. 

You couldn’t help but giggle as you watched him. And then you took Haru’s hands in yours and spun him around. He was laughing and Jiyeon was laughing and so was Minho so you laughed too. You hadn’t been this happy in a long, long time. You were grateful to Minho, and to Jiyeon, for bringing so much laughter and joy back into your life.

“I love you,” you whispered as Minho danced closer to you.

“Not more than I love you,” he whispered back. 

You rolled your eyes at him. He always tried to make it some sort of competition. But you didn’t mind. You couldn’t mind. Because he loved you. At the end of the day, being loved in return by the man you loved was all that mattered to you. 

And you certainly loved Lee Minho.

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GHOST OF YOU (PT.1) | lee minho x fem ! reader

cursing & smut & slight angst & fluff & dad ! minho & mom ! reader & more under the cut !! MINORS DO NOT INTERACT

minho is not a man who lives his life looking backward. he doesn't want to regret a moment of his life. he knows he can't change the past. and in most aspects, he would never want to. minho's greatest joy in his life is his daughter. minho's only regret is her mother.

there are so many things you wish you could change about the past. in many ways, you've spent a lot of time looking back instead of looking forward. the one thing you would never change is having your son.

minho--a man so focused on moving forward he refuses to look back. you--someone so focused on the past that you can't bring yourself to look forward. both of you have had your fair share of past hurts. but maybe together, the future will be brighter than it has been for a long time.

SEE PART TWO HERE !!! // read on AO3

want more of this story ? see texts w dad ! minho here ! (coming soon)

for better visualization, find the pinterest board here & spotify playlist here !

GENERAL WARNINGS | mentions of death (no major characters), mentions of reader being previously married, mentions of food / eating, reader gets drunk at one point, slow burn, sexual tension (?), sweet pet names, reader has a son, SWEARING, reader wears minho's shirt at one point, dad minho (please let me know if there is anything else)

SMUT WARNINGS | (NO SMUT IN PART ONE, THESE ARE FOR PART TWO) oral (m receiving), penetrative (p in v) sex, unprotected (consensual) sex (reader mentions she's on birth control & both state they are clean BUT please practice safe sex irl), a lot of praise, minho reassures yn of insecurities, fingering (f receiving), sweet aftercare (please let me know if there is anything else)

WORD COUNT | 15.5k , approx. 1hr 5min read

NOTES | at long last, the first part of dad minho is OUT <33 thank you to everyone for your support and patience <3 i hope you'll enjoy this <3 keep ur eyes out for part two coming in a couple of hours !!

dedicated to all the people who have felt like the past is too much to carry alone. and also to everyone who let me share snippets of this before it was finished only to get as giddy about it as i am. this is for anyone who needs a little extra comfort in a hard place and for anyone who has felt heartbreak so big you worried you’d never come back from it. so actually, what i mean to say, is this is dedicated to all of you. enjoy ♡ 

one

There weren’t many things that Minho regretted in his life. 

Minho had always believed in leading a life lived with no regrets—after all, you can’t change the past once it’s happened, so why would he care about it? He did the things he wanted to, wore what he wanted, said what he pleased, and laughed and enjoyed himself often. There weren’t many things that Minho regretted in his life. But there was one.

“Dad!” Jiyeon whined as Minho carefully tied her shoes. “Hurry! We’re going to be late for class!” 

No, Minho didn’t regret having his daughter. She was the greatest joy of his life. She was his biggest pride. Minho had never loved anyone the way he loved Jiyeon. What Minho regretted was her mother. 

“I know, I know. I’m hurrying. Just want to make sure your shoes are tied properly. Can’t have you tripping over your feet today.” 

Minho thought his daughter was the most beautiful little girl in the world, but sometimes, she looked so much like her mother that it hurt. He could never be upset with Jiyeon for this, of course. It wasn’t her fault at all that her mother’s genetics had been strong. And most of the time, he hardly noticed. But sometimes Jiyeon would make a face that was so reminiscent of the woman he’d once known… It just made his heart ache a little. 

“Let’s go, let’s go, let’s go!” Jiyeon tugged on Minho’s fingers as he slipped into his own shoes, pulling him toward the front door of their apartment. 

Minho laughed a little as he followed her. “Alright, alright, we’re going.” 

Jiyeon’s mother had left when Jiyeon was barely six months old. Or more like… Minho had kicked her out. Sometimes he wondered if that was a big mistake. He wondered if he was really cut out to handle raising a child, especially on his own. He wondered if he was too hasty in his decision. Jiyeon was fine without her mom now, but would she always be?

“Dad, why are you being so quiet?” Jiyeon looked up at Minho as she walked beside him, her tiny hand in his. “You usually talk the whole way to class.” 

He shook his head, smiling down at his daughter. If only she knew just how troubled his mind was. “It’s nothing. Just thinking about the day ahead of us, sweetheart.” 

“Oh. Well, you do have that new class you’re teaching today, right? Is that what you’re thinking about?” 

“Yeah,” he lied, looking ahead of him and clenching his jaw as he breathed deeply. “Yeah, that’s what I’m thinking about.” 

“Haru, are you almost ready to go?” You called down the hall towards your son’s room. He had his first dance class today and had been so excited all week. Now that you were about to leave for the class, though, he seemed to be dragging his feet. 

“Yeah, one minute!” 

At the sound of your son’s voice, you relaxed. He didn’t sound sad or upset, he just sounded rushed. Maybe he just had first-day jitters. You finished packing his backpack with snacks, his water bottle, and anything else you felt like he might need. 

The class you’d signed him up for was an intensive summer course for beginners and it was more of a dance camp or workshop. It would last about seven weeks, and the students would spend four hours a day for four days a week learning the basics of dancing as well as a few routines. It was the perfect way to keep your son occupied while you were at work. 

You could have always left him with a babysitter, but you weren’t sure if you could find someone you trusted. At least this way you knew your son would be doing something fun and active. 

“Mom, do you think this is okay to dance in?” Haru came running out of his room in a pair of shorts and a t-shirt. It didn’t look any different than the other three outfits he’d tried on before that, honestly, but you still nodded and grinned at him. 

“It looks perfect, Haru, but if we don’t leave now, we’ll be late. Go put your shoes on, okay? I’ve got your backpack all ready for today.” 

Haru nodded and skipped toward the front entryway of your apartment where his shoes were stored. He sat on the floor and pulled on his tennis shoes. You double checked his bag had a different pair of shoes—you’d read online that the students were asked to bring fresh tennis shoes or dance shoes that would be reserved just for dancing. Apparently “street shoes” would leave a lot of scuffs and marks on the (expensive) floor of the dance studio. 

“Are you excited for your first day of dance classes?” You asked as you ushered him out of your apartment, making sure you had all of your things before locking the door behind you. 

He grabbed your hand and followed you out of the apartment building. “Yeah! I’m really excited! Just wait, Mom, I’m going to be, like, a pro dancer when I finish the class!”

“Of course you are, baby,” you smiled and squeezed his hand in yours. “You can do anything you put your mind to.” 

It didn’t take long for you to arrive at the dance studio—you’d purposefully chosen one that was close to your apartment. When you stepped into the studio, you were immediately struck with how nice it was. Too nice, it felt, for the price you would be paying for your son’s class. Everything was shiny and clean, the decorations were minimal and subtle but still stood out. And what caught your eye the most were the rows of trophies around the room. 

That was another reason you’d chosen this studio. If your son ever decided he wanted to compete in dancing, he would be on a great competition team. This studio was renowned for doing exceptionally well in competitions while also having compassionate coaches. 

You got Haru signed in at the front desk, and the receptionist assured you that in the future, he wouldn’t need to check in, he could just go into his class. You thanked her and then pulled Haru off to the side. “How are you feeling?” 

“Excited! I’ll be fine, Mom, don’t worry about me!” Haru pushed at you a little, seemingly embarrassed by how emotional you were getting over him. 

So you nodded and stood. “You’re right. You’ll be fine. More than fine. You’ll do great. Just have fun, okay? I’ll be back in a few hours to pick you up.” 

Haru hugged you and waved goodbye before changing his shoes and running into the first dance studio where his classes would be taking place. You watched him go before turning to clarify with the receptionist what time his class ended. Once you were certain he was fine and everything was sorted out, you left to go to work. 

On your walk to your office, you allowed your mind to wander. 

There were a lot of times you wished you could change the past. 

There were so many things you would have done differently if you could. You wouldn’t have gotten married so young. You would’ve taken more time to travel and enjoy your youth. You would’ve spent more time with the people you loved. And you would’ve spent less time being angry. There were a lot of times you wished you could change the past. But there was one thing, you would never even dream of changing. 

Having Haru. You’d been young when you had him, sure, but you loved him more than anything. He made all of the hard days easier, made all of the long hours spent working worth it. He was your motivation, your reason for being. Haru was everything to you. 

So you would never wish you could change the fact that you’d gotten pregnant young. You would never change having Haru. 

You were so caught up in your thoughts that you didn’t notice there was someone riding their bike right in your immediate path. At least, not until someone was tugging you out of the way. 

“Watch out!” 

You blinked in surprise, pulled from your spiraling thoughts. You looked at the man who had one hand wrapped around your bicep. His eyes held a concern you hadn’t seen in a long time. And when you looked in his eyes, really looked, your heart stuttered in your chest. You pulled yourself away hastily, fixing your clothes and hoping the embarrassment didn’t show on your face. “Oh, s-sorry. And thank you.” 

You turned to leave before he could say anything to you. You felt warm all over. You couldn’t help thinking about the man’s eyes. About his caring expression. And it made you feel silly. You would never see him again. You didn’t even know his name. Why was he affecting you this much?

Minho watched as you left, his hand still holding Jiyeon’s tightly. Something about you was so intriguing. Jiyeon’s small hand pulling on his again pulled him from his distracted thoughts. He looked down at her, smiling sheepishly and continuing to walk with her to the dance studio. 

“That lady was clumsy, wasn’t she dad,” Jiyeon giggled. “She wasn’t even watching where she was going.” 

Minho laughed and nodded, “Yeah. She was kind of clumsy.”

The receptionist greeted him warmly when he ushered Jiyeon into the studio, sending her to class while he checked in at the front desk. “Good morning Soomin. How has everything been this morning?” 

“All good here! We got the new class all set up and everyone’s been checked in. Jana had me cancel her classes for today since she’s not feeling well, so it looks like it’ll just be your classes today!”

“Perfect,” Minho smiled at Soomin and sat on the corner bench to change his own shoes. “Thanks Soomin.” 

Minho stood and waved at Soomin cheerfully before walking into the studio. He couldn’t help the grin that spread across his face at the sight of the studio full of small children. He hadn’t realized how much he loved kids until Jiyeon was born. Sure, he’d taught dance classes to children in the past, but he’d never harbored such a fondness for them until after he had a daughter of his own. 

“Good morning,” Minho greeted them, standing at the front of the room. “Let’s get started with some stretches and then we’ll do an activity to get to know one another before we start dancing!”

“So, you got Haru dropped off at his first dance lesson today?” Your coworker, and best friend, Ryujin asked, glancing at you as you sank into your desk chair. Your office was right across the hall from hers, so she always saw when you got in and often came to talk to (pester) you at your desk. Everyone in the office knew you were friends, but since you always finished your work on time, no one had any issues with you gossiping from time to time. 

You nodded as you unpacked your bag. You knew you’d have to pick Haru up in just a few hours, but you were determined to get as much done before then as you could. “Yeah. He seems really excited about it. I just hope the dance class is as good as the reviews say. I would hate for him to get discouraged because of a shitty teacher or feel like he’s not learning anything.” 

“Makes sense.” Ryujin agreed as she leaned against the door frame of your office. “What studio did you take him to again?” 

“5-STAR. Fitting, seeing as pretty much all the reviews on their website were five stars. Do you think they paid people to leave all those five star reviews?” You turned your desktop computer on, sighing as you began overthinking again. 

Ryujin shook her head, laughing a little at your downward spiral. “Nah, I’ve heard good things about 5-STAR. I actually danced with one of their teachers growing up. Lee Minho. He’s a phenomenal dancer. Didn’t realize he liked kids though.” 

Ryujin had grown up dancing and had even had the opportunity to dance professionally, but she’d turned it down to follow her dreams of becoming an architect alongside you. She insisted that dancing was just a hobby and she was afraid she’d lose her passion for dancing if she made it her entire career. She didn’t seem to regret her decision, thankfully, and she even led a women’s beginner dance class on the weekends in her spare time. 

“Oh, I didn’t realize you knew Lee Minho. He’s the instructor teaching Haru’s class and summer workshop.” 

“Really?” Ryujin’s eyes widened. “Haru's definitely in good hands. Like I said, Minho is a great dancer. He was offered a chance to dance professionally too. He even did for a while. But then… ah, that’s not my story to tell, I suppose. I should get back to work.” 

Ryujin didn’t say anything else before turning quickly and leaving your office, closing the door softly behind her to give you some privacy and peace to work. You thought for a moment about what she could have meant. But then, what? You shrugged it off. The reason your son’s dance instructor hadn’t continued his professional career was the least of your worries at the moment. You had a project to get done. 

“And, it looks like we’re finished for the day!” Minho clapped his hands together after watching the kids work on the small, easy routine he’d just taught them. Truthfully, he had students with a lot of potential in his class. And of course, a few who may take more time to master the art of dancing. But one boy in particular struck him as someone with a natural talent for dance. Haru. Maybe he’d have to speak with his parents before the end of the summer workshop in a few weeks. 

Minho watched the young kids scramble to get water and finish the last of their snacks while they waited for their parents to arrive. Slowly, parents trickled in, thanking him for teaching their children before herding them out. Time passed and then there was only Jiyeon left and one other student. 

“I’m so sorry!” You panted, peeking into the studio, careful not to step onto the dance floor with your shoes, remembering what the website had said about street shoes. “I was at work and lost track of the time. Haru, sweetheart, are you ready to go?” 

Minho’s eyes widened when he looked at you. You were the woman from earlier that morning. Before he could say anything Jiyeon skipped over to you, voice cheerful as she spoke. “Hey, you’re that lady from this morning! My dad pulled you out of the way of a bicycle guy on the sidewalk! Are you Haru’s mom? You’re really pretty. Haru is nice. And he’s a good dancer. And—”

“Alright, Jiyeon, that’s enough.” Minho interjected, smiling at you apologetically. “We’d better let the nice lady get back to work.” 

“O-oh, I didn’t even realize you were… Um, thank you again for pulling me out of the way.”

He shook his head, shrugging it off. “It’s no problem, really. Although, to address something else Jiyeon said… Haru really does show great potential as a dancer. Obviously, it’s only the first class, but he picks up on routines very well, his form is good, and his movement is great. I’m looking forward to the rest of the class with him.” 

“Really?” Your eyes lit up. Minho took a mental note. “That makes me so glad to hear. He was really excited to start dance classes and I had hoped he would do well so he wouldn’t feel discouraged at all. I think if this summer workshop goes well I want to get him enrolled in some other, more long-term, classes. If that’s what he wants, of course.”

“I think that would be a great idea.” 

“Ah, by the way… I wanted to ask,” you hesitated before continuing, looking away sheepishly. “Did you maybe dance with a woman named Shin Ryujin at one point?” 

Minho looked surprised but then he nodded. “Yeah. We danced together for a while. Why do you ask?” 

“Ryujin’s been my best friend since I was eleven,” you admitted, grinning a little. 

“No shit?” Minho whispered, careful not to let either of the children hear. “Damn, how’s she doing? I didn’t really keep in touch with her after we both stopped dancing together.”

“She’s good! She said you used to dance professionally. Honestly, I’m honored that Haru can learn from you. Ryujin said you’re an incredible dancer.” 

Minho shook his head again, crossing his arms as if closing himself off would chase away his embarrassment. “Ah, she’s giving me too much credit. I’m glad she’s doing well.” 

“If you want, I could bring her by tomorrow when I drop Haru off for class? Maybe you two could reconnect.” 

You weren’t sure why you were trying to push your best friend and your son’s dance instructor together. Ryujin was happy on her own, not interested in relationships, and you didn’t even know Minho. But maybe you actually did know why you were trying to play cupid. You were trying to force away the butterflies in your stomach, the racing of your heart. 

“That would be great, actually! I’d love to talk to her again.” Minho uncrossed his arms and instead pushed them into the pockets of his sweatpants. “And I’d love to talk to you some more. J-just about… Haru and dancing and… maybe get to know you a bit?” 

Oh you were so fucked. 

“Yeah! Uh, yeah. I’d like that. I have to get back to work now, but I’ll see you tomorrow morning! When I drop Haru off for class. A-and I’ll bring Ryujin!” 

Minho offered another kind smile as you gathered your son’s things and led him to the front door of the studio. “Yeah. See you tomorrow morning.” 

So, so fucked.

two

You woke in the middle of the night, heart racing and covered in a cold sweat. Another dream. Always the same one. Always about him. You missed him. But you knew you would always miss him, at least a little bit. 

You brought your knees to your chest, laying your head against them and trying to calm your heart rate. You took a deep breath, willing yourself not to cry. It had been almost four years since everything happened, you couldn’t understand why you still had nightmares about him. 

You stood slowly on shaking legs, making your way quietly down the hall to your son’s bedroom to check on him. You peeked through the crack in the door, feeling your heart calm at the sight of him sleeping peacefully. You smiled a little to yourself as you watched him. You saw so much of his father in him. 

With a sigh, you turned and made your way to the kitchen to get a glass of water before trying to sleep again. As you filled your cup with water, you let your mind wander to a man you had known once. A man you had called your husband once. 

You could see his kind eyes when you closed your own. Could see his gentle smile when you dreamed. Could feel his arms around you when you laid in bed alone at night. Your heart panged painfully in your chest at the memory of him. You could still picture him dancing around your living room, a newborn Haru in his arms. You could still hear his laughter echoing in the halls of your apartment when you were quiet. 

Would there ever be a day when you didn’t think of him? Didn’t miss him? Would you ever be able to live without seeing the ghost of him everywhere—traces of him in everything you did? You weren’t sure you wanted that, if you were being honest. You didn’t want to forget.

You checked the time on the stove. 3:26 a.m. You sighed again and finished your water, placing your empty cup in the dishwasher before going back to your bedroom to try to sleep. You stared at the ceiling in the dark, thoughts of your past lover still running through your mind. 

“Mom?” The sound of your son’s voice from down the hall pulled you away from your reverie and you were quick to get up. 

You opened the door to his room fully, quickly sitting on the edge of his bed beside him. “What’s wrong, baby? Why are you awake?” 

“Had a nightmare,” he mumbled, sniffling sadly. “Mom, will you tell me about Dad again?” 

Your heart clenched. It seemed you were both thinking of him tonight. You smiled at your son, brushing the hair off of his forehead and nodding. “Yeah. I’ll tell you about Dad.” 

Haru closed his eyes, settling into his covers again as you began to tell him about the man he’d never had a chance to really meet. About the man who loved him more than words could express. 

You told Haru about all the times your husband had made you laugh. You told him about your adventures together, about your wedding, about the first day you’d lived in your new apartment. You told Haru about how much his father had loved him. How much he would have wanted to be there with you both if he could be. If it was possible. 

When Haru fell asleep, you kissed him on the forehead and trudged back to your room, heart heavy and mind cloudy with the thought and memory of your past lover. 

Sleep didn’t come easy, and by the time you’d fallen asleep again, your alarm was going off to wake you up. You woke Haru up as well and the two of you got ready quickly so you could get him to his dance class on time. Ryujin texted you to let you know she was on her way to your apartment with coffee.

The two of you met Ryujin downstairs. She handed you the drink she’d gotten you and then reached down to ruffle Haru’s hair. “Hey bud. Excited for your second day of dance?” 

“Yeah! Yesterday was so fun! And Mr. Minho says that I’m a natural!”

“Of course you are,” Ryujin gasped dramatically, smiling at your son. “I’ve been dancing for you since you were in the womb! You must have subconsciously picked up on it.” 

Haru nodded and continued to talk with Ryujin while you walked. You watched them, smiling a little to yourself. It always made you happy to see the joy on Haru’s face when he talked to Ryujin. 

When you walked into the studio, Minho was leaning against the front desk, talking to Soomin, the receptionist. He looked over at you, Ryujin, and Haru when the bell above the door jingled. The gentle look he gave you was enough to make you feel like you were melting into a puddle. And the grin he gave to Ryujin when he noticed her standing next to you made your legs weak. You wished he would grin at you like that. 

“Ryujin!” He cheered, leaving Soomin and giving Ryujin a hug. “Oh my god, it’s been so long. How are you?” 

Ryujin laughed and hugged him back. “I’m really good. Yn and I work together as architects and I teach a beginner women’s dance class on the weekends.” 

“And what about you and Yeji? Are you guys still together.”

“No,” Ryujin shook her head, but the smile didn’t leave her face. “We broke up a while ago. A mutual agreement. We’re still friends though.”

You stood there awkwardly as the two old friends caught up. You thought about maybe talking to Haru and helping him change his shoes, but you had to remind yourself he was already four years old and could take care of himself in this regard. He didn’t need your help like he once did. And you couldn’t only talk to toddlers. 

“Yn?” 

You realized Ryujin was talking to you, both her and Minho looking at you expectantly. You felt warm and you looked down in embarrassment. “Sorry, what did you say?”

“Minho asked if you would want to get together at the park this weekend. Him and his daughter, you and Haru, and me. And then I could host dinner at my apartment for all of us.”

“O-oh.” You looked from Ryujin to Minho. His eyes were kind, as always. You’d be lying if you said you didn’t want to get to know him just a little bit. “Yeah, sure. That sounds nice. I’m sure Haru would enjoy spending time with someone his age anyway.” 

Minho nodded, “Then it’s settled. We’ll meet on Saturday. Around 2:00 p.m.? And afterwards we’ll all go to Ryujin’s for dinner.” 

“Perfect!” Ryujin agreed, clapping her hands together happily. “Well, yn and I will get out of your hair now. We’d better get to work anyway. Yn will be back in a few hours to get Haru.” 

“Yeah. I’ll make sure to be punctual this time.” 

Minho waved it off and laughed a little. “Don’t worry about it. I don’t have a class right after theirs anyway, so there’s no need to rush.”

“I’ll be on time anyway.” 

“I’ll look forward to seeing you, then.” Minho grinned at you, the same grin he’d shown Ryujin when he saw her. 

You grinned back. 

“Do you like Minho?” Ryujin asked when you were halfway to your office from the dance studio. 

“I don’t even know him.” 

“Yeah, but…” She hesitated but then shrugged and continued anyway. “Do you think you could like him? Do you like what you know of him so far?”

“I guess.” You felt slightly embarrassed that she was able to see through you so easily. Then again, you’d been friends since you were eleven. There wasn’t much about you she didn’t know about, not much she couldn’t read.

She nodded in affirmation, humming a little to herself. “He’s a good guy.” 

“I can tell.” 

“I just mean,” she sighed, stopping on the sidewalk and making you stop with her. “If something happens… if you develop feelings for each other, you shouldn’t feel guilty. You deserve to be happy as much as anyone. Don’t sabotage a good thing for yourself.”

You looked at her, blinking slowly. You knew exactly what she was talking about. You knew. You wished you didn’t. You wished there wasn’t that voice in your head that told you to be guilty even thinking about something coming out of getting to know Minho. You wished you believed her, wished you could follow her advice.

You didn’t say any of that. You just nodded. “Yeah. You’re right.” 

Minho would be lying if he said he wasn’t attracted to you. He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t even a little bit interested in you. But he’d also be lying if he said he didn’t feel guilty for thinking about trying out a relationship. Not because of you, just in general. Because he was so much more than just a man. He was a father. 

And more than that, he was scared. He didn’t have the best relationship track record, honestly, and he was so terrified of getting hurt again. Of Jiyeon getting hurt. He couldn’t do that to her. And he wasn’t sure he could go through another bad relationship either. 

He tried to put his thoughts behind him when class started, tried to focus on the kids and on dancing and teaching. He thought he was doing a decent job of masking his thoughts and emotions, actually. Until his daughter tugged on the bottom of his shirt. 

“Dad, it’s time for our water break now. We should take a pause.” 

Minho blinked a couple of times and nodded in agreement. “Yeah. You’re right, thank you Jiyeon. I got distracted. Everyone, let’s take a five minute water break!”

Minho sighed as the kids scattered to drink water. He took a drink from his own bottle, trying desperately to clear his mind. He couldn’t believe he was getting so worked up over the thought of a relationship—he’d been fine the past four years, so why were these feelings being stirred up now? 

Minho looked over at Jiyeon. She was giggling beside Haru who had his chest puffed out proudly since he’d made her laugh. Minho couldn’t help the smile that spread over his face at the sight. He couldn’t lie, seeing Jiyeon getting along so well with the other kids made him wish, just a little bit, that Jiyeon had a sibling. 

He’d been an only child growing up, but he’d found brothers in his seven best friends so he’d never truly been alone. But Jiyeon… she didn’t really have anyone other than the friends she made in dance class who came and went often, never sticking around for very long. His heart ached a little at the thought that she might be secretly feeling lonely.

“Okay, water break is up! Let’s finish up the last of this routine before class ends!”

three

Before you knew it, it was Saturday. 

Haru had been bouncing off the walls all day. He had been over the moon when you told him you’d be meeting up with Minho, Jiyeon, and Ryujin at the park that afternoon. He’d quickly gotten close to Minho’s daughter during their dance classes, and honestly, the sight of them giggling together as they put their shoes on had warmed your heart. 

“Mom, I’m so excited to see Jiyeon!” He cheered to you as you helped him put his shoes on and get ready to go to the park.

You smiled gently at him, “Yeah? You guys are pretty close now, aren’t you?”

“Jiyeon is my best friend!”

You were honestly relieved he’d found friends through the dance class. That was always something that had been hard for you, especially after your husband had passed. You worried he wouldn’t find friends, worried he’d feel lonely, worried he’d resent you for being reclusive. But things seemed to be looking up now. For the first time in almost four years, things were looking up. 

You wondered if it was time to start looking forward instead of backward. 

When you arrived at the park, you quickly spotted Minho. He was sitting on a bench, watching as Jiyeon played on the playground. Ryujin didn’t seem to be there yet. You pointed Jiyeon out to Haru and watched as he ran to say ‘hi’ to her. You sat beside Minho on the bench.

Minho looked over at you when you sat next to him, nodding a little in greeting before turning again to look back at his daughter and your son. “Hey.”

“Hi.” Your voice sounded strained to your own ears, though you weren’t sure why. “Is Ryujin here yet?”

“No. I haven’t seen her.” Minho shook his head but didn’t look at you.

You didn’t say anything else, suddenly feeling a little awkward and self conscious around him. He kept his eyes fixed forward, so you snuck glances at him out of the corner of your eye. You never really took the time to look at him before, always so embarrassed, keeping your eyes on your shoes. But now that you did look at him, you couldn’t stop your heart from fluttering. 

His hair was light—sort of blond—but dark brown at the roots. He must have dyed it. His eyes were dark, though the brown glowed honey when the sun shone on them. His skin looked smooth—soft—and you made a mental note to ask him if he used a specific kind of moisturizer. Your eyes wandered over the rest of his body—broad shoulders, strong arms, big hands, muscular thighs. He wore a t-shirt and shorts due to the summer heat, but somehow he looked so stunning, so attractive.

“Hey guys! Sorry I’m late!” Ryujin’s voice pulled you away from your shameless staring. You quickly looked over your shoulder at her and smiled, grateful for her presence so she could save you from the awkward silence. 

Minho stood, giving her a hug. Your stomach flipped uncomfortably. “No worries, Ryu. Yn and I only got here a few minutes ago too.” 

Ryujin sat on the bench beside you and you hugged her. Though when Minho sat back down, you could feel him pressed against your side. The bench really wasn’t made for three people, so you all crowded together. You tried to ignore the way your heart sped up when his bare thigh brushed against yours. 

“Yn, did you know that our company actually designed Minho’s dance studio?” 

“What?” You looked at Ryujin, eyes wide in surprise. You hadn’t realized your company had been the one to design the studio Minho worked for. Fate seemed to be thrusting the two of you together more than you thought. “I didn’t know that… Wait did you say Minho’s studio—”

“Yeah! Minho owns the studio.” Ryujin grinned slyly and Minho looked away, cheeks darkening in embarrassment. 

You turned to look at Minho fully. “Wow, that’s incredible!”

“A-ah I just… love to dance. I wanted there to be another place for people to dance and feel safe doing so.”

You nodded in understanding and turned to watch your son and Jiyeon play. They were swinging from the monkey bars now, laughing as they went. You listened as Ryujin and Minho caught up, talking about all they’d missed in each other’s lives over the past four or five years. 

Ryujin explained how she’d become very career driven and didn’t have time to date. Minho explained he was very focused on taking care of his daughter and also wasn’t interested in dating at the moment. You chimed in, agreeing with Minho. Taking care of a child all on your own was hard work—you certainly didn’t have the time for a relationship.

“So, how is Haru doing in class?” You finally asked Minho. “Is he behaving? Making friends? Dancing well?”

Minho nodded, looking out over the playground as he spoke to you. He hadn’t made eye contact with you the entire time you’d been sitting together. “Haru is one of my best students. He’s well behaved, of course, and gets along well with the other kids. They all like him. He’s easy to be friends with. And his dancing, as I mentioned before, is fantastic for his age and for this being his first dance class. If he wants to continue on, I would recommend getting him enrolled in some more permanent, long-lasting, classes after the summer workshop ends.” 

“Ah, that’s great to hear!” Ryujin sighed happily, leaning back against the bench and smiling as she watched Haru play with Jiyeon. 

“He seems to really enjoy dancing. He talks about it all the time now.” You grinned, pride filling your chest. “I think the chances are high that he’ll want me to enroll him in further classes.”

“You know, it’s no wonder he’s a good dancer. He has me for his aunt!”

“You didn’t pass him any genetics, Ryu—”

She scoffed, glaring at you playfully. “That doesn’t matter. I’ve been dancing for him since he was in the womb. He picked it up from that.” 

“... Like osmosis?” Minho tried to hold back his laughter as he spoke. 

Ryujin nodded, matter of factly. “Yeah. Like osmosis.” 

“I don’t think that’s how it works—” You stopped when she looked away, pouting. “But, sure. He got his dancing skills from you, Ryujin.” 

Minho laughed finally and Ryujin glared at him. He didn’t care, he kept laughing. You adored the way his eyes crinkled at the corners when he laughed fully. You adored the way he got along well with Ryujin. You adored the way he cared for his daughter. 

“Anyways,” Ryujin said loudly, cutting off Minho’s laughter. “I just remembered I don’t have any food at my house. Minho, could we do dinner at your place?”

He nodded and smiled at her reassuringly. “Yeah, it’s no problem. Yn, are you or Haru allergic to cats?” 

“No, why?”

“Well,” he rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. “I have three of them.”

Your eyes lit up, “Really? How precious. What are their names?” 

“Sooni, Doongi, and Dori!” He looked proud when he spoke of them. “I’ve had them since before Jiyeon. They’re getting older now, but… they were my first babies.”

You nodded, smiling along with him and Ryujin as he spoke about his pets. “That explains why you’re so good with kids, then.”

He shrugged but didn’t say anything else for a long moment. After sitting in silence for a few minutes, he clapped his hands together and stood. “Jiyeon and I should probably go if we’re hosting dinner. I need to pick up some groceries.” 

“No!” Ryujin stood too, crossing her arms. “Let Jiyeon stay and play. And Haru too. Take yn to help you with the groceries! I’ll stay and watch the kids!”

“Oh, Ryujin, I don’t know if—”

She pouted harder at you, “Please? You know you can trust me! And they’re having so much fun right now. Plus, you’d be a much better help with the groceries than Jiyeon. No offense, but she’s four. She can’t exactly carry as much as yn can.”

“Well, she’s not wrong about that,” Minho laughed and looked at you, his eyes tender and kind. “Do you want to come help me with the groceries?” 

You looked at Haru playing with Jiyeon. Then back at a pouting Ryujin. And finally, at Minho. You stood, dusting yourself off to play off the way you shivered when Minho grinned at you. “I guess it’s alright. But promise you’ll call if anything happens, Ryu, okay?”

“Of course,” she saluted at you and sat back down. “I’ll call if anything happens.”

You looked at Minho, the butterflies rising in your stomach again. “Should we go now?” 

He nodded, “Yeah. Let’s go.”

The grocery store, thankfully, wasn’t far from the park or from Minho’s place. So the two of you planned to walk to the grocery store from the park and go straight to his apartment afterward. He would start on dinner and Ryujin would come back when the kids were done playing.

While the part of you that was just a woman was thrilled for this time alone with Minho, the part of you that was a mother spoke louder and the nervousness took over. Minho kept a distance between the two of you as you walked, careful not to let your shoulders brush or invade your personal space. You appreciated the respect he had for you.

“Sorry to drag you along with me,” Minho apologized. He still wasn’t looking at you. You wished he would.

You shook your head. You didn’t mind coming with him, really. “I don’t mind, honestly.”

“Okay.”

“Can I ask you a question?” 

“Yeah,” he breathed, eyes still fixed ahead. “Sure.” 

“Why won’t you look at me?” 

That seemed to surprise him. He stopped in the middle of the sidewalk. “Do you want me to be honest?”

“Yeah, of course.” 

“I’m trying to be good.” He looked at you, eyes dark with some unknown emotion. “It’s hard for me to behave when I look at you.”

His jaw clenched as his eyes raked over you. Your stomach fluttered again, but it was different this time. You looked away first. He started walking again and you followed behind him. 

“Let’s just get the groceries and get back to my apartment.” 

Neither of you said much else as you got the groceries. Minho didn’t look at you for longer than a few seconds. And you didn’t look at him. The walk back to his apartment was silent too. He texted Ryujin to tell her he was starting dinner and that she could bring the kids back whenever they were all ready. 

“So, this is my place.” Minho placed the groceries on the kitchen counter, turning around to watch your reaction. He crossed his arms, leaning against the counter as you looked around. 

It was a decently sized place and was decorated nicely. The styling of the house reminded you of the way the studio was styled—clean and minimalistic. There were plants on the window sills, a cat tower in the corner of the living room, and the counters were all clean. A part of you thought it looked too clean for a single man with a toddler, but you remembered Ryujin mentioned he liked to keep his space tidy. 

“I’m kind of a nervous cleaner,” Minho murmured as you joined him in the kitchen. “I clean when I can’t sleep or anxiety is eating at me.” 

“You’re better than I am,” you laughed, swiping a finger across the countertop and admiring the lack of dirt there. 

He shrugged, biting back a smile. “Maybe. It doesn’t matter though. Being a single parent is hard, even if my apartment doesn’t show it.”

“Yeah,” you sighed, leaning against the counter opposite him. “You can say that again.”

“Mmm. I should start dinner now.” Minho hummed and opened the pantry where he had an apron hanging. 

Minho put the apron on and washed his hands before gathering all of the food and ingredients he would need. You moved out of his way, sitting at the barstool behind the counter to watch him. He moved with a familiar ease in the kitchen and if you hadn’t gathered before that he was in his element there, you could certainly see it now. 

“Have you always liked cooking?” 

He laughed a little but didn’t look back at you. “Yeah, I guess. In college my friends always came to my place and asked me to cook because they either hated doing it or were shit at it. Eventually it just kind of… became my thing. And after Jiyeon was born, I enjoyed it even more.” 

“I might have to have you teach me a thing or two someday, then.” 

“I’d like that.” 

You could hear the smile in his voice and it made you feel a little better. Truthfully, you were still reeling from his confession earlier. What did he mean it was hard to “behave” when he looked at you? You hardly knew each other. Your son had only been going to dance classes for a week and you’d hardly had a full conversation with him. Though, you supposed you could sort of relate in a way. You hadn’t been able to stop thinking about him the entire week. Maybe that’s what he meant. 

Your thoughts were interrupted by the sound of the front door opening and the sound of Jiyeon calling for her father, your son and Ryujin not far behind. 

four

The saying goes, ‘time flies when you’re having fun.’ You could verify first hand that that was true. The next six weeks of Haru’s summer dance workshop passed quickly, and it was time for the recital where the students would show off what they’d been working on over the past seven weeks. You were more than excited to watch Haru dance. He’d been working so hard, even practicing at home in the evenings. 

And you had a surprise for him. Your parents would be coming to watch his recital and taking him to spend the weekend with them. You weren’t sure what you would do with a whole weekend to yourself, but you knew it would be good for Haru to spend some time with his grandparents. 

There was one other surprise that not even you knew about, however. Your late husband’s parents were also coming to the recital. You had, of course, invited them but they’d told you they were going to be out of town unfortunately. Little did you know they were coordinating with your parents to surprise both you and Haru. 

When your husband had passed, you had expected to be cut off from his family. It had been quite the opposite—they supported you more than you could have hoped for. You were as much family to them as he was, they said. And of course, they wanted to be in Haru’s life as well. You didn’t see them nearly as much as you would like to these days, but you were grateful for them just the same. 

You sat beside your parents in the auditorium, waiting for the recital to start. You looked over when someone sat beside you and your jaw dropped. It was your mother-in-law. 

“I thought you were going to be out of town!” You hugged her and she laughed as she hugged you back.

“Yeah, we might have fudged the truth a little.” She pulled away and you hugged your father-in-law next. “We wanted to surprise you and Haru. I know your parents are taking him for the weekend, so we might spend some time with the three of them as well this weekend, if that’s alright?”

“Oh, yeah, of course! Haru would love to spend some time with you guys.”

Before anyone could say anything else, the lights in the auditorium dimmed and Minho stepped out onto the stage, a pleasant smile on his face. You relaxed a little when you saw him. Over the past seven weeks, you’d gotten a lot closer to him. You met up regularly to let your kids play together and also to get to know one another better as well. 

“Good evening,” he started, leaning forward to speak into the microphone. “I’m so pleased to see all of you here tonight, supporting the hard work your children have put in to prepare for the recital. My name is Lee Minho and I am the owner and lead dance instructor here at 5-STAR Dance Studio. I’ve worked personally with many of the students who will be performing tonight and can attest first hand to their talent, dedication, and growth. 

“I hope, as you watch your children dance tonight, you will see all of their countless hours of hard work, all of their determination, and all of their passion for this art. Thank you for supporting our studio, but most of all, thank you for supporting your children and helping them to accomplish everything they’ve been hoping for and dreaming of. Without further ado, let’s start the recital.”

The recital started off well. You were enjoying yourself, happy to be watching such talented young dancers while also getting to sit beside some of the people you loved most in the world. Anticipation welled up inside of you as you watched and waited for Haru’s class to perform their routine. 

After several dance numbers, it was time for Haru’s class. You watched as the young students, ranging from four to seven years old, shuffled onto the stage. You could see Minho standing on the floor directly in front of the stage, ready to lead the students in their routine. When all the students were in their correct positions, the music started and the kids began to dance. 

Many of them (most of them) skipped around the stage, their movements not completely memorized or accurate—it was to be expected after only a short summer course full of young first time dancers. But your eyes were glued to your son. He was on time, he knew the dance, and he was good at it. Sure, it wasn’t the most difficult choreography, but he was four and he was dancing and he was good. Pride welled in your heart as you watched Haru dance. 

Your parents filmed Haru’s entire performance from beside you and when the dance was over, you clapped and cheered louder than anyone else in the auditorium. You beamed the rest of the night, even though you hardly paid any attention to the other dance numbers. 

When the recital ended, you were quick to find your son, hugging him tightly and congratulating him for his achievements. “You did so good my love!” 

“Mom!” He giggled, pushing you away a little so he could breathe properly without you crushing his lungs. 

It was then he noticed your parents and your husband’s parents. His face lit up even more and cheered as he gave all of them tight hugs. He already knew he would be spending the weekend with your parents and his bag was already packed. Though, his other grandparents being there was a surprise to him. You watched, smiling, as he chattered cheerfully with his grandparents. 

“Yn!” You looked over your shoulder at the sound of your name. Minho. He waved at you as he made his way toward you, a small smile playing on his lips. 

You smiled back. “Minho! Hey! These are my parents and my in-laws. Guys, this is Minho, Haru’s dance instructor.”

Minho’s smile faltered a little at the mention of your in-laws, but if anyone noticed this, they didn’t say anything. He extended his arm for them, bowing slightly when he clasped hands with each of them. 

“It’s lovely to meet all of you. Haru’s been great in class. And he’s a very talented dancer. It’s been a pleasure to teach him.” 

“He’s loved your class Minho,” you chimed in, hand finding its place on his bicep. “And we decided to enroll him in a more long-term class. I’ve already filled out all the paperwork and turned it in to Soomin.” 

He smiled wider at that. “Ah, really? I’m looking forward to it then! I should probably keep making my rounds. Great job tonight Haru. I’ll talk to you later, yn.” 

Once he’d left, your mother-in-law turned and shared a look with your mother. Then she looked at you pointedly. “He seems like a charming young man.” 

“What do you mean by that?” You narrowed your eyes at that, poking her teasingly. “He is a charming man, but I have a feeling that’s not quite all that you’re saying.” 

“He just seems charming.” She shrugged, grinning at you. 

“You two would be good together.” Your own mother interjected. “Is he single?”

“Mom!” 

“What? I’m just asking!” 

You scoffed, crossing your arms and hoping they couldn’t see how flustered you were. “He’s single but he doesn’t have time for dating. He has a daughter to take care of. And quite frankly, I don’t have the time either.” 

“You don’t have time,” your mother-in-law spoke softly, reaching out and touching your shoulder, “or you feel guilty?” 

“I—” You breathed in sharply, freezing in your place. 

Her face softened. “Yn, you deserve to move on. He would want you to move on. There’s nothing wrong with finding new love.” 

“Grandma!” Haru spoke before you could, tugging on the hem of your mother-in-law’s skirt. “Are you going to come with us for ice cream?” 

She nodded. “If your other grandma says it’s okay for us to come!” 

You were not included in these plans. It marked the start of his weekend with his grandparents. You didn’t mind though. You smiled at them, moving on from the words that had shaken you to your core. You crouched down in front of Haru.

“Be good this weekend, okay? I’ll see you on Monday.” 

Haru hugged you and you had to resist the urge to break into tears. It was hard to part with him even for a weekend. He smiled at you and you knew you would be alright. “Okay! Bye Mom! I love you!” 

“I love you too, sweetheart.” 

You watched as your son left with all of his grandparents, smiling fondly at the group of them. As you prepared to leave yourself, you felt a hand on your shoulder. You turned to look at the person to your left and relaxed, seeing Minho standing there again. 

“Sorry to startle you,” he mumbled, looking away shyly. “Um, Ryujin invited me to go out for drinks with her since my parents are watching Jiyeon this weekend. She said your parents are watching Haru and I should ask if you want to come with us.” 

You tried to think of the last time you went out for drinks—the last time you did so with Ryujin at that—and couldn’t remember. Your son would be gone all weekend. Going out with friends would be better than staying alone in your bed all weekend… right? So you nodded. “Sure, I’d like that.” 

Minho took his hand off your shoulder. “Did you drive here?” 

“No,” you shook your head, crossing your arms over your chest. “We took the bus.” 

“You can ride with me then. I have a car.” His easy grin never faltered as he offered to drive you.

“Okay,” you smiled back, stomach filling with butterflies again as you looked at him. “Should we go then?” 

He grabbed your hand and began to lead you through the crowd. “Yeah, let’s go.” 

Once you were outside of the lobby of the auditorium, out in the fresh night air, you breathed deeply, closing your eyes and taking in the freedom the open space brought you. It was still a bit warm from the heat of the day, and despite being in the city, it felt easier to breathe out here than it did inside the stuffy auditorium. 

Minho let go of your hand. You tried not to show your disappointment.

“Mmm, it’s easier to breathe out here,” he murmured, closing his eyes and tilting his head up for a moment.  

You watched him, tilting your head back as well and looking at the stars as you breathed deep again. “Yeah. It’s nice.” 

“It’s been awhile since I’ve had the chance to just… breathe like this. Kids don’t really… stop to just enjoy these moments—this stillness.” 

He was right. Kids were always on the move, never stopping for more than a second. They didn’t quite appreciate the quiet of a summer night, the breeze cooling their skin. You nodded in agreement. “When I was younger, I didn’t understand why my parents lingered in doorways instead of leaving right away. I didn’t understand why they wanted quiet. But I understand now. Life moves so quickly. I wish I’d appreciated it more early on.” 

Minho was quiet for a long moment, staring at the stars alongside you, hands shoved deep in his pockets. He sighed a little, content, and looked over at you. You were still looking up, eyes scanning the stars for familiar constellations. He looked away and started walking again. You followed in silence.

“So, uh, your… in-laws? I didn’t realize you’re married.” 

His voice sounded strained, awkward. You realized it was because he felt a little guilty for flirting with you over the past seven weeks. You cleared your throat, willing the tears pricking the back of your eyes away. “I’m not. Not anymore, anyways. My husband… he passed away in a tragic accident a few months after Haru was born.” 

“Oh.” Minho wanted to slap himself in the face. He felt terrible for bringing it up—why couldn’t he let his curiosity fade? “I am so sorry. I-I didn’t know. I shouldn’t have asked—” 

You shook your head, smiling weakly at him. “It’s fine, Min. You didn’t know. It’s okay, really. It still hurts to think about him, but… it hurts a little less each day.” 

Minho didn’t say anything else on the topic and you were grateful. He led you to his car and helped you in, making sure you were safe before he started to drive. “Ryujin told me to meet her at a place ten minutes from here. It’s kind of close to all three of our apartments.” 

You nodded and stared out the side window as Minho drove. That didn’t last long—your eyes were pulled to Minho in the driver’s seat. He had one hand on the steering wheel and the other rested on the gearshift. His eyes were fixed ahead, focused entirely on driving. You could tell he was trying not to say the wrong thing. 

“I haven’t gone drinking in a long time,” you murmured, looking away from him so he didn’t catch you staring. “I might be a lightweight now.” 

He laughed a little and you smiled to yourself, proud that you’d made the ever stoic minho laugh at something you said. “I’ll take care of you tonight, don’t worry. I’ll be designated driver.”

“Don’t you want to drink too?” You frowned a little at his statement, looking at him curiously. 

“I don’t really care,” he shrugged, not sparing you a glance. “I don’t mind not drinking tonight. There will be other nights for me to drink with you and Ryujin, I’m sure.” 

You liked that answer—liked that he seemed to be admitting he wanted to grow closer to you and spend more time with you. So you nodded, not saying anything else the rest of the drive to the bar and grill where Ryujin was waiting. 

She was sitting at a table outside when Minho parked. She watched the two of you through narrowed eyes as Minho helped you out of the car, grinning slyly when she caught your eye. You scoffed and crossed your arms, hoping she couldn’t see right through you (even though you knew she could). 

“Nice of you guys to finally show up,” Ryujin teased, standing and giving Minho a quick side hug before pulling you into a longer, more heartfelt one. “I was starting to wonder if maybe you stood me up to go out together.” 

“Never, Ryu.” Minho chuckled lowly, sitting across the table from you and Ryujin.

Your face felt hot as you looked at the menu Ryujin placed in front of you. “I didn’t think we took that long.” 

Ryujin bumped your shoulder with her own, still smiling wide. “You didn’t. I’m just teasing you.”

“Order whatever you want,” Minho said softly as he inspected his own menu. “It’s on me tonight.” 

“Oh, no that’s okay! You don’t have to—”

Minho looked at you and your words died in your throat. “I want to. So order whatever you want.” 

“I’m getting the most expensive thing then!” Ryujin joked, leaning back in her seat comfortably. “The most expensive beer and this expensive bulgogi.” 

Nothing on the menu was very expensive, actually, as it was a small local place. That was the joke though—even the most expensive thing there was hardly anything out of Minho’s pocket. You were still a bit hesitant to accept his kindness, but he was sincere and when he looked at you the way he was looking at you right now, it was hard to say no. 

So you pointed out what you wanted. Minho waved a server over to your table and ordered for the three of you. He thanked the server as they left to give the order to the cooking staff. 

“How did our little Haru do tonight?” Ryujin asked, leaning her elbows on the table and resting her chin on the palms of her hands. 

“He was great!” You beamed proudly as you spoke of your son. “You would have loved to watch him. I can’t believe he’s only been dancing for seven weeks.” 

“He’s pretty incredible,” Minho interjected, nodding along with a small smile playing at the corners of his lips. 

Ryujin pouted dramatically, “Damn, I really wish I could’ve been there to see him. If only I didn’t have to finish that stupid work project.” 

“Don’t worry, Ryu,” you patted her reassuringly on the back. “There will be other recitals for you to come to. I enrolled him in one of the long-term classes at Minho’s studio.” 

Ryujin’s eyes lit up at that and Minho tried to hide his proud grin. 

It wasn’t long before the server returned with your food and drinks. Minho, true to his word, only had water. When Ryujin asked him why he wasn’t drinking with you, he just shrugged and said he was going to be the designated driver. The three of you talked and laughed well into the evening, and several drinks later, you were feeling a bit delirious. 

“Minho,” you slurred as he helped you to his car, “Listen to me!” 

“I’m listening.” 

His voice was calm, quiet. In the midst of your alcohol induced haze, you were grateful for the softness of his voice and demeanor. It relaxed you. “You are, like, the prettiest man I’ve ever met but shhhh don’t tell that to my husband.” 

“I won’t.”

“It’s not like you could anyways,” you frowned slightly, but you didn’t feel sad thinking about him like you did when you were sober. “He’s not around anymore. I guess, don’t tell Ryujin either, then.” 

“I won’t tell Ryujin.” 

“Minho, are you taking me home now?” 

“I am.” 

You hummed a little to yourself, eyes drooping tiredly as he started to drive. You hadn’t been this drunk in a long time. Ryujin had thought it was funny—she hadn’t seen you like this in years. Minho was soft and quiet and concerned, but he didn’t voice that to you. He just helped. 

When you arrived at your apartment, Minho helped you there as well. You kicked your shoes off and frowned when you didn’t see Haru’s shoes by the door. “Where’s Haru? Haruuuuu?”

“He’s not home right now,” Minho spoke gently, helping you to the kitchen to get a glass of water. 

“Why not?” 

“He’s staying with your parents for the weekend, remember?” 

“Oh,” you frowned deeper and took a sip from the glass of water Minho handed to you. “I guess I forgot. Must be the alcohol. Minho, I’m tired.” 

“Let’s get you to bed then.” 

Minho helped you to your room, catching you when you tripped over your feet and almost fell to the floor. When you got to your bedroom, he helped you to your bed, about to tuck the covers in around you when you whined and thrashed below him. “No, I can’t sleep in these clothes! You have to take my jeans off.” 

“Yn,” he sighed and you missed the lust that flashed momentarily in his eyes. “I don’t think that’s a good idea. Can you do it yourself? After I leave?”

“No,” you pouted. 

“Please?” 

You shook your head. “No. I need your help.” 

He sighed again, pinching the bridge of his nose. “You’re going to be pissed at me in the morning when you remember this.” 

“No, I won’t be.” 

He clenched his jaw and watched as you pouted up at him with big round eyes. He dragged his fingers through his hair and then gave in. “Okay. Lift your hips for me, sweetheart.” 

“Oh,” you giggled a little and lifted your hips. “I like when you call me that.” 

He didn’t respond as he focused on dragging the zipper of your jeans down and unbuttoning them. He took a deep breath and hooked his fingers through the belt loops before tugging them over your hips and down your legs. He glanced at your underwear for a split second, then looked away in shame. It was too late, though. The image of your lacy black underwear was seared onto his brain.

You kicked your jeans the rest of the way off and sighed in content. The happiness didn’t last long, though. You were pouting again as you sat up. “Need this off, too.” 

Minho watched with wide eyes as you tugged your shirt over your head and threw it across the room. His eyes dropped to your chest and the lacy black bra you wore that matched your underwear. He wondered for a moment who you’d worn it for and why you’d worn it tonight of all nights. But then the guilt crept up his neck in hot waves again and he looked away, clearing his throat awkwardly. 

“Okay, I should probably go now.” 

You whined, pulling your covers around you, “Don’t want you to go.” 

He looked at you again, relaxing as he saw you covered by your blankets. He sat on the edge of your bed, running his fingers through your hair gently. “I’m sorry. It’s for the best though, darling. I’ll text you in the morning to see how you’re feeling, okay?” 

“Okay,” you nodded sadly but yawned, heavy eyes closing and breathing relaxing just a bit.

Minho stood and left your bedroom to refill the glass of water for you. He also searched your medicine cabinet and found some medicine you could take when you woke to hopefully ease the hangover. He placed the medicine and water on your bedside table and left a note also explaining what had happened and why you were only in your underwear. He didn’t want you to be worried when you woke up. 

He took one last look at your sleeping form, smiled a little to himself, and left your apartment, lost in thoughts of you as he drove to his own home for the night. 

five

Your head was killing you and the sunlight peeking through your bedroom curtains was too bright. You groaned as you sat up and looked around the room, trying to clear the fog in your brain and remember what had happened and where you were and what day it was. Your eyes fell on the folded piece of paper, water, and medicine on your bedside table. 

You took the medicine and drank the water before grabbing the paper and unfolding it. Minho’s neat handwriting greeted you. 

Yn, You insisted on taking your clothes off to sleep last night. I helped you with your jeans but we didn’t do anything. Drink water and take the medicine and text me when you wake up. - Minho

Your stomach churned a little. Minho had seen you in your underwear. Minho had taken your pants off. You closed your eyes and tried to remember it happening. You wanted to remember. 

The night flashed in your mind. Minho’s dark eyes looking you over. His fingers brushed over your bare legs as he pulled your jeans off. A sharp intake of breath as he looked away. You felt your cunt throbbing as you opened your eyes. 

If you had been sober, you were sure you would have kissed him. Maybe more than kissed him. 

You found your phone on the charger beside your bed. You scrambled for it, quickly opening your phone to your texts with Minho. Your finger hovered over the screen until you finally decided to just call him.

It only rang twice before he answered, voice deeper and thicker than usual. Had you woken him up? “Hello?”

“H-hey, sorry… Did I wake you up?” 

You heard rustling in the background. Presumably his bed as he adjusted to a more comfortable position. “No.” 

He was lying. You knew you’d woken him up. Instead of saying that though, you pulled your knees to your chest, suddenly nervous about talking to him. “Um, I read your note. Thank you for taking care of me last night. A-and sorry for being such a bother—”

“It’s no problem,” he interrupted, voice still soft and raspy. “I didn’t mind. You weren’t bothersome.”

“Still—”

“Do you want to hang out today?” 

His question caught you off guard. It was the last thing you’d expected him to say when you called him. “What?” 

“Do you want to hang out today?” He repeated himself and you could hear the small smile in his raspy voice. “Just the two of us. Without Ryujin. Without the kids. You and me.” 

“Oh.” 

“I mean, we don’t have to if you don’t want to or you’re uncomfortable, I just—” 

“No, I want to!” Your voice was too loud, but you didn’t care. You couldn’t care. Not when you could hear your heartbeat in your ears and feel yourself pulsing against your underwear at the thought of spending time alone with Minho. “I want to.” 

“Okay,” he breathed. 

“Um, where? And when?” 

He hummed, contemplating for a moment that felt just a bit too long. “I could come to yours. You should relax today. I’m sure you’ve got a gnarly hangover.” 

As if in agreement, your head pounded painfully. “Are you sure? I don’t want you to have to go out of your way.” 

“I’m sure. I want to. I can be there in an hour, if that’s okay with you.”

“I-it might take me a little longer than that to get ready—” 

He laughed a little and you stopped talking. “Don’t worry about that. You don’t have to get all dressed up for me to hang out at your house with you. Wear something comfortable, don’t worry about your hair or makeup. I don’t mind.”

“Okay…” You hesitated a little, your stomach flipping at how domestic this felt. “If you say so.”

“I do. So, see you in an hour?” 

“Yeah,” you nodded even though he couldn’t see you. “See you in an hour.” 

When you hung up, you sat there, staring blankly into space for a moment before the reality of what was happening hit you and you scrambled out of bed. You looked at yourself in your bathroom mirror and cringed a little—your hair was a mess from sleeping on it, you still needed to wash your makeup off from the night before, and you could taste how awful your breath was. 

You showered, washed your face, brushed your hair, brushed your teeth, and changed into comfortable clothes to prepare for Minho’s arrival. He had said you didn’t have to get ready, so this should be fine right? You half hoped he’d be wearing comfortable clothes too so that you’d feel a little better about your own choice of outfit. 

You cleaned your room up, tidied up the living room and the kitchen, and sat down on the couch just in time for him to knock on the door of your apartment. You took a deep breath and stood again, making your way to the front door to let him in. 

When you opened the door and saw him standing there, you had to remind yourself to breathe. It was unfair how good he looked barefaced, in just sweatpants and a t-shirt. His hair looked soft—fluffy—as it hung down in his eyes. He grinned at you—a smile you’d recently found he only showed you when you were alone or no one was looking. In one hand he held a grocery bag. 

“Hey,” he murmured, eyes flicking down to your outfit and back to your face.

You stepped out of the doorway to let him into your apartment. “Hi.” 

“I’m glad you listened to me,” his voice was still soft, lower than you thought you’d ever heard it. “It’s nice to see you like this. Comfortable. Not putting up a front with me.” 

“Well, you make it easy.” You couldn’t believe you were freely admitting to him how comfortable you felt around him, even after only knowing him for seven weeks. Usually you wouldn’t open up so much to someone you hadn’t known for very long, but Minho was different. His experiences were similar to yours, his hurts were similar to yours, and his (mostly) calm demeanor was exactly what you needed. 

He hummed a little in response, trying (and failing) to hide his smile from you. He made his way to your kitchen and set the grocery bag on the counter. When he opened the bag, you saw it was filled with snacks—many of which were your favorites. “Good. You make it pretty easy to let my walls down too.” 

Your heart swelled at his words and you watched as he started pulling the snacks out of the grocery bag. You couldn’t help but smile as he organized everything on your counter. He looked proud of himself as he finished organizing the snacks and he looked back at you. He leaned against your countertop and smirked at you, waiting for you to say something else. 

“So, uh, what do you want to do?” You finally found your voice. You felt nervous with him looking at you so intensely, but you tried to hide that as best you could. 

“Well,” he pushed away from the counter, smirk still plastered across his face. “We could watch a movie. Or I could make you something to eat. Or we could just sit and talk. Or we could do all of that. We do have all day.” 

Minho’s implication that he would be spending the entire day with you at your apartment made your stomach flip and you felt like you stopped breathing. You hoped he couldn’t see how clearly he affected you. You knew he probably could. 

“We could start with something to eat and go from there,” you mumbled, feeling the heat starting to creep up the back of your neck. “I am kind of hungry.” 

He nodded and brushed past you, making his way further into your kitchen. You helped him find ingredients he needed to make you the meal he wanted to make you and then you watched as he prepared everything to be cooked. 

“How did you sleep?” Minho asked as he chopped vegetables. 

“Mmm, okay. To be honest, I slept through the night for the first time in awhile. Could’ve done without the hangover when I woke up, though.” 

Minho laughed a little at your admission and bobbed his head in agreement. “Yeah I bet. Did you take the medicine I left you?”

“Yeah, I did. Thanks for that by the way.”

He hummed in acknowledgement and continued cutting the vegetables. You watched the way he moved with ease, reminded again of how in his element he was when he cooked. You admired his hands as he worked as well as the way his forearms moved and flexed. He was so beautiful and he didn’t even know it. Or maybe he did. Maybe he was teasing you on purpose. 

“I want to tell you about my ex,” he finally said softly.

Your eyes widened in surprise. That wasn’t something you had expected. You wouldn’t have forced it out of him. You didn’t need him to tell you about her. But the fact that he was willing to and he wanted to made you feel fuzzy inside. “Y-you don’t have to.” 

“I know,” he nodded, looking over at you with a gentle smile. “But I want to. I think it’s time I talk about it with someone.” 

“Okay.”

Minho sighed as he finished cutting the vegetables and put them off to the side, setting a pot of water on the stove so it could start to heat up and boil. “I thought she was the love of my life. I was going to marry her someday, when I had the money for a ring. But it was hard to save much for it since we were taking care of a newborn baby. Jiyeon wasn’t planned, but when we found out, we both decided to keep her. 

“I thought everything was fine. She never mentioned feeling overwhelmed by taking care of Jiyeon, never mentioned she wasn’t happy with me. So I thought it was all fine. But then I noticed that things were off. She would hide her phone when she was texting around me, she wasn’t as excited to interact with Jiyeon, she slept on the very edge of the bed at night. I wondered if maybe it was just postpartum depression. Or maybe she was having a hard time taking care of Jiyeon all day without as much help from me since I was at work.

“I came home one night and I could hear Jiyeon crying. I thought maybe she had just started crying and my girlfriend would be in the nursery taking care of her. But when I went to check on them, it was just Jiyeon. Then I thought, maybe she was just asleep and hadn’t woken up because of over-exhaustion. So I calmed Jiyeon down and brought her with me to the bedroom to greet my girlfriend.” 

Minho paused and added vegetables, meat and other ingredients to the pot of, now boiling, water. He swallowed thickly, eyes averted as he struggled to form his next words. You placed a gentle hand on his shoulder and squeezed, urging him to continue when he was ready. So he took another shaky breath and kept telling his story. 

“When I opened the door, I felt my heart drop into my stomach. She was there, yeah, but she was with someone. They were so shameless. They didn’t notice my daughter crying, so they certainly didn’t notice when I opened the door and walked in on them. I’m sure you can imagine what was happening. He was… well that part doesn’t matter. I asked him to leave. I wanted to yell so badly, but I had to be quiet since I’d just gotten Jiyeon to calm down.

“The guy left and I put Jiyeon back in the nursery before going back to confront my girlfriend. At first she tried to ignore everything but I eventually got her to admit she hated her life. She hated her life with me. She hated that she had to give up everything she loved to do because of Jiyeon. She hated that she had no social life. She hated that she didn’t get to have sex anymore. She just hated everything. 

“I told her she needed to leave too. I couldn’t stand the thought of her sticking around and making our daughter feel like shit just for being born. She didn’t even argue. She packed her things and left that night. I haven’t heard from her since. But I think she’s married and living in the States now. 

“You know, sometimes… I wonder if I made a mistake. I thought it would be better if she wasn’t around to make Jiyeon feel terrible about herself but… is it worse for Jiyeon to grow up without a mom at all? I don’t know what I’m doing half the time and I’m so terrified of fucking everything up. I love her so much. She’s my entire life. And I’m so scared I’m going to do a terrible job and she’ll grow up to hate me. I’m the one who kicked her mom out. When she finds out about that… will she hate me?” 

You were quiet for a long moment, not wanting to interrupt him, not wanting to disturb the moment. You watched as Minho finished the meal he’d been working on. He served you the food and got some for himself and sat down beside you at the counter. 

“Minho,” you whispered, looking at him intently. He looked over at you at the sound of his name. “She could never hate you. You’ve done so much for her. Anyone can see how much she loves you. That won’t change. And when the time comes where you have to explain this to her, she’ll understand. And you know what? Fuck your ex. She’s a bitch. You didn’t deserve any of that. Jiyeon didn’t deserve that.”

“Thanks, yn.” Minho smiled weakly at you. “I get so in my head sometimes—so worried. Thank you for grounding me.” 

“Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me this.”

He nodded and chuckled halfheartedly. “I don’t know what it is about you but you just make me feel so… comfortable? You’re very trustworthy. It’s easy for me to talk to you.” 

“I feel that way about you too.” You and Minho ate in silence for a bit longer before you spoke again. “You know, there’s something I’ve been thinking about for a while now.” 

“And what’s that?” 

You took a deep breath and turned to face him. “I want to learn how to dance. I… want you to teach me.” 

“You want… me to teach you how to dance?” He looked at you with wide, curious eyes, excitement hidden in their depths. He set his utensils down and looked at you, trying to keep his face neutral. “When?” 

“W-wait, you would do it?”

“Sure,” he shrugged, unable to hide his grin anymore. 

“Oh. I didn’t expect you to agree so quickly,” you laughed a little, smoothing your fingers over your lap nervously. “Well, when are you free?” 

He opened the calendar on his phone and scrolled through it, searching for any availability. “Mmm, I’m free after the studio closes on Wednesday. Does that work for you? It would be more of a one on one, private lesson, but that’s all I can manage without getting you signed up for a class.” 

“Yeah, Wednesday would work for me. I’m sure Ryujin wouldn’t mind watching Haru for a little bit.” You knew Wednesday would work. Ryujin was free that evening. You knew that because she’d already planned to come over for dinner with the two of you. 

“Okay,” Minho grinned at you. “Wednesday then. Just meet me there around 8:00, and we’ll get started.” 

“Okay.” You smiled back and you hoped he couldn’t see just how excited you were.

“Now, how about that movie?” 

six

After your day spent with Minho, you almost couldn’t wait until Wednesday. Haru had a week off dance since the class you’d signed him up for didn’t start right away. You had to take him to the daycare at your office, which he didn’t enjoy as much but put up with nonetheless. You didn’t realize how much you enjoyed seeing Minho almost every morning until you didn’t see him at all until Wednesday. 

When you told Ryujin about your dance lesson planned with Minho on Wednesday, she was over the moon. She asked you to tell her what happened when you hung out alone probably fifty times and then made you promise you’d spill all the details of your lesson once you returned from it. She even agreed to watch Haru while you were gone since she had been planning to come over anyway. 

With your plans set in motion, all that was left to do was wait for Wednesday. Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday were the longest days of your life. When Wednesday finally rolled around, you were antsy and couldn’t wait to be finished with work. You weren’t sure why you were so excited about spending more time with Minho. You felt ridiculous—like a teenage girl again. 

But then, it was time. You were dressed in a new workout set Ryujin had bought you and you had your water bottle and everything else you’d need. You took a deep breath as you looked at the sign about the studio door. You went inside. 

“Hi,” Minho grinned at you as you stepped into the studio after hours. No one else was around, you noticed. Even Soomin had gone home for the night. He locked the front door of the studio behind you and ducked his head sheepishly. “I-I’m not trying to be a creep and lock you in here, I’ve just had people try to come in after hours for various reasons and I don’t want us to be interrupted.” 

You tried not to read too much into what he had said. Obviously, he just meant that he didn’t want your dance lesson to be cut short since he had a lot to teach you. At least, that’s what you told yourself. 

You smiled back at him, reassuringly. “It’s okay, I get it. And I trust you.” 

His chest swelled with pride at the simple statement. You trusted him. It wasn’t really a special sentence by any means, but it still made his mind fuzzy and made his heart leap in his chest. He nodded and led you into the smallest room in the dance studio he and the other instructors used for one on one lessons. 

“So what do we do first?” You asked, standing awkwardly in the middle of the floor and watching as Minho walked over to the speaker system set up in the corner, attaching his phone and putting music on. 

“First, we stretch.” Minho turned back to you, slowly sinking to the floor and starting to stretch. “You can’t dance without stretching, otherwise you could hurt yourself.” 

You followed suit, sitting on the ground across from him. “R-right. That makes sense.” 

Minho led you through a few stretches from the front of the room, still hesitant to get too close to you. The last thing he wanted was to make you uncomfortable in any way. Even if he had trouble admitting it to himself, he did like you and your comfort was the most important thing to him, especially right now. 

After the two of you finished stretching, Minho changed the music. It was sweet and soft and Minho’s gentle smile put you at ease. “We’ll start with something easier, yeah?”

He showed you simple steps—a ball change here, a little spin there. He never got too close to you, adjusting your movements from a reasonable distance. You were grateful that he didn’t push your boundaries, no matter how much you kind of wished he would. 

“I think I’m starting to get the hang of it,” you laughed, copying Minho’s movements. You hadn’t had this much fun in awhile, to be honest. 

“Why don’t we step it up a bit, then? Do you want to try something else?” 

You nodded, your smile never falling from your lips. Minho scrolled through his playlist until he found a song he liked. You weren’t sure you’d ever heard the song before, but it started off slow and sensual and made you shiver with some unknown desire. Minho turned to look at you, expression unreadable. 

“Is this okay?” 

“Yeah,” you agreed, breathless, hands at your sides awkwardly. “Though, I’ll admit, I’m not entirely sure I’ll be good at dancing to something like this.” 

“I’ll teach you.” 

His voice was low—soft, but darker than usual. And his eyes. They bore into you and caused goosebumps to rise along your arms, sent a shiver down your spine. He stepped a little closer to you, but still kept his distance as he demonstrated the moves he wanted you to try. You were mesmerized, albeit a bit nervous. You weren’t sure you could recreate his movements to be as beautiful as they were when he did them. 

“So,” you took a breath, trying the movement, “like this?” 

Minho watched silently and then shook his head a little. “You have to roll through it a little bit more. You’re stopping before you finish the entire movement because you’re trying to rush into the next one. Take some time to really make the body roll more languid. Like this.” 

He demonstrated again and you willed yourself to pay attention. You forced yourself not to become too distracted by thoughts of how else he might be able to use his hips or the way his lip looked tucked between his teeth when he concentrated. Forced yourself to look at him only analytically, ignoring the voice in your head that repeatedly screamed about how attractive he was. 

You tried the movement again but he shook his head and you sighed. “Still wrong?” 

“You’re overthinking it a little,” he murmured. His voice was gentle but not condescending. He stood behind you, looking you in the eye through the mirror in front of you. “Do you mind if I…?” 

You shook your head. “N-no. You can… Yeah. Show me properly…” 

Minho nodded and gently grabbed your hips. He adjusted your stance, moving one hand to the small of your back and pushing lightly. 

“You’re really stiff. For this movement to work, you need to loosen up a little. Just feel the music.” 

You tried to loosen your body, but it was so hard when he was so close to you—when his hands were on your waist and you could feel his breath against the shell of your ear. You could feel his body pressed against yours and you hoped he couldn’t tell you were finding it hard to breathe with him right up on you. 

“Roll your hips like…” Minho held your hips as he rolled along to the music helping you follow along. You could feel his dick through his pants and you bit your lip as you watched the two of you in the mirror. Minho exhaled, voice breathy as he spoke again. “Yeah, like that.” 

Minho didn’t move away from you and you didn’t move away either. Your eyes held his through the mirror and his hands squeezed your hips. He rolled his hips slightly, rutting his hardening dick into you from behind. You shivered and pressed your own hips back further into him. 

“Fuck, yn, I—”

He was interrupted by the sound of your phone ringing. It was like your mind cleared instantly in that moment. You jumped away from him, hurrying over to your bag in the corner and answering your phone. “Hello?”

“Hey, yn, I hate to cut your thing with Minho short but, Haru isn’t feeling well and he wants to talk to you—”

“Mom,” Haru’s voice overlapped Ryujin’s and the sadness in it filled you with regret and broke your heart. “Are you coming home soon?” 

“Yeah, baby. I-I’m coming now, okay?” You stood, gathering your things and leaving the room so you could put on your regular shoes.

After reassuring Haru that you’d be home in only a few minutes, you hung up and turned to Minho. He leaned against the wall, watching as you hurriedly changed your shoes and got ready to leave. You tried to ignore the way your chest squeezed at the hurt look on his face. 

“Leaving?”

“Y-yeah, Haru needs me—”

“Look, yn, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have—”

“Thanks for the dance lesson. I’ll see you later.” 

Minho watched as you left. There weren’t many things that Minho regretted in his life. But now there were two.

seven

Everyday you took Haru to dance class consisted of finding new ways to avoid Minho. You didn’t think you’d be able to look him in the eye if you saw him. The embarrassment was eating you alive just thinking about it. After you’d run out on him a couple weeks ago, he’d sent you a few text messages and called twice before finally stopping to give you space. He figured you’d come around eventually. It was starting to look like he was wrong. 

He was also embarrassed. He couldn’t believe he’d let lust take him over like that. It’d just been so long since he’d been touched—since he’d touched someone. He was, after all, a human. Giving into his desires was his worst mistake. He should’ve been more respectful. Now you couldn’t even look at him. 

If he could go back in time, he’d keep his distance. Keep his hands off your hips. He sighed, dragging a hand through his hair as students filed in. Another day of you ushering Haru in and leaving before he could even say hello. At least, that’s what he thought. 

His eyes widened in surprise when he saw you make your way through the door, take a deep breath, and walk right toward him. You crossed your arm and he frowned a little, taking note of the physical barrier you were putting up between the two of you. “Hi.” 

“Hey,” he breathed. 

“So,” you started, taking another deep breath and looking up at him. “Haru said he would like to invite Jiyeon over for a sleepover. Obviously, I said I would check with you before I promised him anything.” 

Minho’s frown deepened as he thought about it. “Oh, well… I’ve never really left Jiyeon with anyone overnight except for my parents.”

“Yeah. I thought you might say that.” You nodded and uncrossed your arms, sighing a little as you looked at him. “Haru really wants this. And I think Jiyeon would have a lot of fun too. So… if you would feel more comfortable, you’re welcome to stay over too. I-I don’t have a guest room or anything, but you can sleep in my bedroom and I’ll sleep on the couch or something.” 

Minho didn’t really have a reason to say no anymore. He thought it over a little longer and determined it would probably be good for Jiyeon to have the time with her friend. And you were offering to host him anyway. What could really go wrong? “Okay. When did you want to do it?” 

You had been cleaning the same spot on the counter for almost ten minutes now and even your son was starting to notice. “Mom, why are you just cleaning that spot?” 

“Oh,” you blinked and looked at the counter. There wasn’t a spot in sight. It was squeaky clean. You sighed and put the rag away, offering a tired smile to your son. “I’m just a little distracted.” 

“Because Mr. Minho is coming over?” 

You hated how he could see right through you. Hated that even at four years old he knew you better than anyone. You hated that it was hard to hide things from him sometimes. There were things he didn’t need to carry. 

“Mmm, maybe a little. I just want our house to look nice and clean for our guests.”

“Yeah, because you like Mr. Minho.” 

You chucked quietly and shook your head. “No. I-I don’t.”

You cursed the waver in your voice. You were spared your son’s teasing when the doorbell rang. You put the rag away and wiped your hands on your pants nervously. With one final deep breath, you opened the door and smiled at Minho and Jiyeon. “Hi.”

“Hi,” Minho smiled warmly at you and ushered his daughter inside. She kicked her shoes off and dropped her overnight bag on the floor by the door before running off with Haru to play in his bedroom. “You have a lovely apartment.” 

You looked away, feeling the heat of embarrassment creeping up your spine. “Ah, it’s nothing. Thank you.” 

He nodded and stepped inside as well. He took his shoes off carefully, grabbed Jiyeon’s bag and moved it somewhere out of the way, and then set his own things down. He watched as you smoothed your shirt. It didn’t need to be smoothed. He could tell you were nervous.

“Um, are you… are you guys hungry?” You asked softly, turning to walk towards the kitchen. “Haru and I ate, but I can make something else if you guys would like.”

Minho shook his head, gentle smile still tugging at the corners of his lips. “We ate before we came so we’ll be fine.” 

“Okay.” 

You and Minho stayed silent for a long moment, listening to the faint sound of your children playing together in the other room. You wanted to say something—the silence was too loud—but you couldn’t bring yourself to say anything meaningful. Minho watched you carefully, gauging your comfort around him before he said anything. 

“Yn.” His voice was soft, so you looked at him, feeling more relaxed at the gentleness in his eyes. “I wanted to say sorry about a couple weeks ago. I-I shouldn’t have—I’m sorry.” 

“You don’t have anything to be sorry about.” 

“Are you sure? Because you’ve been ignoring me for, like, two weeks now—”

“I’m just scared.” You looked away again, chewing on your bottom lip anxiously. How much were you willing to admit to him? “You didn’t do anything I didn’t want. But I… I have to think about Haru. I’m sorry for ignoring you, I just… I’m not strong enough to resist.”

He nodded and stood, making his way toward you. He stood next to you, leaning his shoulder into yours. It was a small action but it was comforting. “You don’t have to do anything you’re not ready for. I would never force you.” 

“I really appreciate that.” 

The rest of the night, you and Minho got comfortable with each other again. It wasn’t hard. Minho was such an easy person for you to open up to and relax around. You watched a drama while your kids played, pausing it whenever they’d come out to show you something they’d made. 

Bedtime went smoothly too, and as you both got your children ready for bed, you couldn’t help the thought that this was what it would be like if your family was complete. Briefly, you wanted that completeness with Minho. You pushed the thought away. You couldn’t be thinking things like that. 

“Goodnight kids,” you said softly as you turned off Haru’s bedroom light and turned to leave the room. 

When you turned, you saw Minho leaning against the doorway of the bedroom, watching you, a gentle smile on his face. You liked him there. In your apartment. Watching over you and your son and his daughter. Everything felt right. It felt natural to have him there, to have his daughter there. You felt like a family. 

You left your son’s bedroom. “So, you can sleep in my room and I’ll—”

“No,” he shook his head, “I already set up the living room for myself. I don’t mind sleeping on the couch. You should sleep in your own bed.”

“A-are you sure?” 

“Yeah.” 

“Okay…” You watched as he started toward the living room to settle down for the night. “Goodnight, Minho.” 

“Goodnight, yn.”

You didn’t know where you were. Everything was dark, but you could hear someone talking somewhere you couldn’t see. There was a pinprick of light far in the distance—two of them, actually. They reminded you faintly of headlights. They seemed to be getting closer to you. You felt rooted in place, heavy, unmoving. 

They were headlights. It was a car. It raced towards you—the lights grew. There was a long, loud honking, like someone was just continuously pushing down on the horn. Your head hurt, something akin to anxiety grew in your chest. The car was closer now, the horn was louder, the lights hurt your eyes. 

You wanted to move—to get out of the way—but you were stuck. You thought the car would hit you, but it swerved at the last moment and as it passed you, you caught a glimpse of the man behind the steering wheel. When your eyes met his, you felt sick to your stomach. 

It was him. 

You could feel yourself screaming but no sound was coming out. You screamed your husband’s name but you couldn’t hear it. Your feet still felt like they were stuck in quicksand. You wanted to run to him, to save him, but you couldn’t move. 

“Yn?” 

The voice of an angel. You couldn’t see him. His voice calmed you down, though, you tried to stop screaming, tried to find the angel who was saying your name.

“Yn!” 

You sat up, gasping. You brought a hand to your face and realized your cheeks were wet. You were shaking and that’s when you realized you weren’t alone. 

“Minho?” 

“You started screaming,” he said softly, one hand on your shoulder and the other rubbing soothing circles on your back. “The kids are still asleep but I woke up. You were dreaming. But you’re home. You’re safe.”  

You were home. You were safe. And you were with the angel. Minho.

“I’m sorry.” You felt small under his gaze. You knew he wasn’t judging you, wasn’t upset with you, but you couldn’t help but feel terrible for worrying him and waking him up. 

He brushed your hair out of your face with the hand previously on your shoulder. His eyes were tender. Your heart clenched painfully. “Don’t be sorry. You can’t help that you had a bad dream.” 

“Yeah, I guess.” 

“How are you feeling now?” 

“Honestly…” You sighed, and leaned into his touch a little, subconsciously. “I’m still shaken. I don’t think I can sleep again.” 

“Do you want to talk about it?” His voice was still soft and you scooted closer to him on your bed. Something about him made you feel comfortable—at ease. 

You shrugged and sniffled a little, wiping the remnants of your tears from your cheeks. “What can I say, it was about my ex-husband.”

“You don’t have to talk about it if you’re not willing. But if you need to get it off your chest, you know I’ll listen.” 

“I think maybe I should talk about it, I just… don’t know where to start.” 

He continued to rub your back, pulling you close to him. “Start at the beginning.” 

“We were high school sweethearts.” You smiled a little at the memory, leaning your head against his shoulder. “We dated all throughout high school and I knew I wanted to marry him. He proposed to me a couple weeks after we graduated and we got married not long after. Even though we were married young, I still wanted to get my education so I could get a good job and help provide for my family.

“We were both almost finished with college when I found out was pregnant. We were both over the moon. I graduated with my degree and he did too and then Haru was born not long after. Both of our families were thrilled also. And you know, he was the best father. He loved Haru so much and he was so good with him.”

You paused for a moment, swallowing thickly and willing the tears away. “It happened unexpectedly. Haru was only a few months old. My husband stayed late at work one night and on his way home, he was hit by a drunk driver. Neither of them made it out alive. So I’ve just been… raising Haru on my own.” 

Minho was quiet. He didn’t want to interrupt you. He didn’t want to invalidate the pain you were feeling. You looked up at him and the tears fell from your eyes again. He wasn’t pitying you, like you had thought he would. Everyone always pitied you when they found out. But Minho… he just looked sad. 

“I am so sorry you had to go through that. But you know what? You are so strong. It was a horrible situation to be thrust into, especially so young. But you’ve proven how brave you are. You’re such a good mom. It’s hard to do it alone, I know. But you’re doing so well. And you’ve come so far.” 

You cried harder. How did he know the perfect thing to say? How was he so perfect? You felt like meeting him was a dream and you were going to wake up from it all too soon. “I’m so worried I’m going to mess it all up. What if he doesn’t grow up happy?”

“He’ll be happy. He already is. He loves you so much.” 

You laughed a little to yourself and wiped your tears again. “God, what are the odds I’d meet you? How do you always know what to say?” 

“I’m just telling the truth,” he shrugged a little, but you caught the smile that gleamed on his face despite his nonchalant attitude. 

You sighed a little and closed your eyes. “I think I’m getting tired again.” 

“Okay.” His voice was soft and he ran his fingers through your hair soothingly. “Do you want me to go?”

“No. Stay?” You looked up at him, pouting a little to convince him to stay. You didn’t know it, but he didn’t need any convincing. All you had to do was ask him to stay and he would do it in a heartbeat. 

“Okay.” 

You laid down, pulling him with you. He laid with his arms wrapped around you carefully. You closed your eyes and relaxed in his arms. “Thank you, Minho.” 

“Of course.” 

Minho listened for your breathing to even out, still stroking his fingers through your hair to soothe you. When your breathing was soft and even and you were completely still against him, he spoke softly. 

“I think I’m really lucky to know you. I didn’t think it was possible for me to love anyone romantically again after my ex. I just… I was prepared to spend the rest of my life alone, taking care of Jiyeon. I would’ve been fine with it. Until you. Now I want more than anything to have you. To have a family with you. You’re a great mother, you know that? Haru is lucky to have you. I hope someday I can tell you this when you’re awake. For now, I’m not brave enough. There’s so much I’m afraid of. But I think I’d be willing to step into that fear if it meant you were waiting for me.” 

You didn’t tell him, but you were still awake. You smiled a little to yourself, your own thoughts of being brave enough to confess lulling you to sleep. Wait for me. Soon enough, I’ll be brave too. 

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The only exception

barista Minho x reader. strangers to lovers. slow burn. if you can, listen to The only exception by Paramore while reading :)

Minho was content with straying away as far as possible from love. That is until you stumbled into his café on a rainy night, and unwittingly, into his life.

skz song series masterlist

i.

Minho sweeps the countertop with a blue rug, wiping away the scattered droplets of spilled coffee. He grabs a pastry from the showcase- a blondie with a raspberry drizzle on top, placing it on a plate decorated with dainty flowers. And then he gives it to the middle-aged man sitting near the back of the café. 

Minho is in Aurora, completing his mid-day shift, and yet it feels as if he's only physically there. His body is moving on auto-pilot, mechanically performing the familiar tasks etched into his memory by now. And he likes it, since it drowns out the tumultuous thoughts plaguing his mind.

Minho used to look forward to the days when Marta- Aurora's exceptional baker, would prepare blondies. The alluring aroma of the freshly made pastry would waft through the café, enveloping both Minho and the customers in a soothing embrace. He enjoyed preparing the coffee and drawing different pretty patterns on top of it. He also liked the music playing, and sometimes, the manager would even let him play some of his own playlists. 

But that was before Minho got his heart broken, torn in half, carelessly, as if it didn't belong to a breathing human, but rather to an unfeeling entity. Now, his lattes are void of intricate designs, the blondies prepared by Marta remain untouched, and his mind doesn't register the music playing. 

He's just existing, in a stillness he perfectly curated. He's a placid river, undisrupted, running its usual course day after day. 

Minho watches as the man clad in a polished suit finishes his treat, before getting up and leaving Aurora with hurried steps. He eats alone now, Minho has noticed, and his ring finger is void of the gold band he used to wear.

Perhaps that's what Minho's fate would also be. Eating alone in cafés he used to bring his lover to, basking in the chatter surrounding him, in the desperate hope that it'll fill the void inside him. 

ii. 

it's a Thursday, which means Minho is working the night shift at Aurora. It's pouring rain outside, the incessant water droplets a misty veil that fogs up the café's windows. Amidst the downpour, he catches sight of a couple dashing through the rain, hands tightly clutched into one another. They're giggling, as if the rain falling isn't a nuisance, but rather an elixir heightening their love. Minho looks the other way. 

The door to Aurora is pushed open, and Minho watches as you set foot inside. You're drenched in rain, from head to toe, strands of your hair sticking to your cheek. You exhale in relief, closing your eyes for a split second as the warmth of the café surrounds you- like a childhood blanket tightly wrapped around your being. There is a hint of a smile as you walk to the counter. It only grows when your eyes set on Minho. 

"Hi!" you greet cheerfully and he simply nods in return. The weather was horrible and you were probably uncomfortable from the clothes clinging to your skin, so what were you exactly joyful about?

"Can I have hot chocolate, please? Oh, and a piece of that brownie," you point to the showcase, and he follows your line of sight. 

"Sure, anything else?" 

"No, thank you," you smile, and he nods once again. "That will be 10 dollars." 

"Here," you hand him a crumpled bill and he takes it from you carefully, ensuring your hands don't brush against one another. 

You sit down on a chair near the window, and Minho dutifully prepares your order. He brings it to you once he's done, and you grin at him once again. You smile a lot, he thinks to himself. 

Minho goes on with his tasks, cleaning the dirty cups in the sink and grounding the coffee beans. When he's done, he can't help but notice you grabbing some napkins from the table and dabbing your neck and face dry with them. He sighs to himself before retreating to the café's backroom.

"Here, to dry your hair with," he says, handing you a clean towel.

Minho leaves before you could smile at him again. 

iii. 

It's Tuesday, and Minho has just served a freshly baked cinnamon roll to Mark- the middle-aged man who just introduced himself to Minho after months of frequenting Aurora.

Minho liked having regulars in his shifts, familiar faces to look into. This was part of the reason why he picked being a barista as a part-time job- he enjoyed people-watching. Not in a noisy way; he simply liked imagining the lives of the people surrounding him. It served as a distraction from his own. 

Among the regulars was a woman in her thirties who only ordered a chaï latte with a blueberry muffin. Then there was that one student, with blonde hair and freckles dusting his cheeks. He really despised bitter coffee, always ordering his with abnormal amounts of syrup.

And now, there was you too. You've been coming to Aurora regularly for the past few weeks since your initial visit. Minho still hasn't memorized your go-to order because you don't have one. You pick a new drink each time as if you were on a mission to taste everything on the menu. 

You come here alone, occupying the same seat by the window with your chin resting on your palm. He suspects you enjoy people-watching too since you often gaze outside. You also bring books with you, reading them while sipping on your beverage. Sometimes you write too, in a tiny sage notepad. 

And you smile, god do you smile a lot. At young children passing by in the street, at an elderly couple holding hands, at the black cat that sleeps on the edge of the window. And you smile at Minho. Each time you order, each time your eyes meet his from across the café. Minho likes to believe that happiness was so deeply ingrained within you, it became the very essence of your soul- an intrinsic part of your being you could not part with.

The door to Aurora is pushed open and Minho isn't surprised to see you entering once again, your bag loosely hanging from your shoulder. 

"Hi!" you greet excitedly as you usually do, and Minho simply nods, as he usually does. 

"I'm sorry if this is a bit weird," you preface, piquing Minho's curiosity. "I'm not really craving anything today, so can you make me your favorite drink?"

"My favorite drink?" he repeats, a bit incredulously and you nod eagerly. "Yes, I drink anything and I don't have any allergies, so whatever you prepare is fine!" you smile hopefully at him.

He stays silent, mulling over your request. He goes to say no, but the smile slowly slipping from your face makes a strange pang of guilt wash over him.

"On second thought, I'll just have-"

"Okay," he interrupts, "I'll bring it to you when it's done," he quickly says and the smile etches itself on your lips once again. Minho feels an unexpected relief dawn on him at its sight.

"Thank you! I'm yn, by the way," you introduce.

"Minho," he says, although you can read it on his nametag. 

"Minho," you repeat, and he finds himself itching to hear his name dripping from your lips again.

Minho prepares you an iced americano with cold foam, and two pumps of white mocha, since you seem to enjoy drinks on the sweeter side. He watches breathlessly from the counter as you take a sip of it, closing your eyes to fully relish in its taste. Your nose scrunches up in delight before you quickly turn around to shoot him a thumbs up from afar. 

Minho nods, before turning his back to you. Unwillingly, a small smile tugs at his lips. He's glad you liked it. 

iv.

Another Thursday unfolds following its usual routine. Mark occupies his customary spot in the rear of the café, while the scent of Marta's lemon madeleines permeates the kitchen.

Except you're not smiling. 

Minho finds it odd, how there was no cheerfulness in your steps as you walked to the counter. You did not smile while ordering, and your voice carried a tinge of sadness when you thanked him.

You did not ask about his day, nor about his cats- that was also something unusual for you to do. You've asked about them each time since Minho told you about them. He didn't plan on doing so, he just saw you one day eyeing the stickers of his three cats on his phone case, while he was counting your change.

"Are they your cats?" you asked, pointing at them and he nodded, a faint smile dancing at the corners of his lips.

"They are."

"You must love them a lot. They almost managed to make you smile," you teased, grabbing the rest of the money and walking to your usual seat. 

Minho steals brief glances at you, as he prepares your matcha latte, a drink you seemed to enjoy a lot lately. You're gazing at the window almost soulfully, your back slightly hunched as if there was an invisible weight crushing you underneath it. 

Minho nibbles on his lower lip, contemplating his next move, before grabbing the frothed milk. For the first time in months, he draws a little cat on the surface of your drink, just like he used to do a long time ago.

He brings it to you, and his heart flutters nervously as you gaze down at the cup. He almost second-guesses his action, that is until you beam at him, and Aurora suddenly feels brighter than it did seconds ago. 

v. 

"When does your shift end?" you ask Minho as he sets your perfectly crafted matcha latte on the table- an order he has committed to memory by now.

"In an hour, why?" he asks curiously and you wave your hand dismissively. "Just wanted to know." 

The seconds trickle by slowly, as the hour almost comes to an end. You watch as Minho takes off his apron, running a hand through his hair. It's gotten longer now, silky bangs he tucks behind his ear to keep them from obstructing his vision.

He talks a bit to Seungmin, the other barista that works there. And then he steals a quick glance around the room, where he finds you already looking. You wave him over, and he tilts his head slightly in confusion, before walking to your table. 

"Sit down," you smile, gesturing to the chair in front of you. Minho complies silently.

"Here," you take out a container filled with brownies from your bag. "I never properly thanked you, for the towel and for the little cat you drew on my coffee last week. So, here, thank you," you beam at him while sliding the box in his direction.

"I don't- it's nothing, you didn't have to," he says, and you notice a tinge of pink blush covering the tips of his ears.

"I wanted to. I hope you'll like them, I'm not as good as your baker, but I tried," you confess, smiling sheepishly, and Minho feels a sudden urge to vehemently contradict you, to tell you that they must taste good. And even if they didn't it wouldn't matter, because you baked them for him. And that is enough. 

But he bites the inside of his cheek harshly, physically stopping this rush of words eager to escape his mouth.

"Let's eat them together, hum?" he simply suggests, opening the container and placing a brownie on your plate before taking one himself.

"Is it good?" you ask tentatively and he pretends to contemplate your question for a moment.

"They're horrible, right? I shouldn't have taken creative liberties with the recipe and-"

"Yn, I'm just kidding," he stops you, a soft smile on his face. "They're delicious, see," he says, finishing the brownie in one bite. "Really good," he compliments, reaching for another piece. 

"Okay," you smile in relief, eyes crinkling closed. The sunlight is streaming through the window, casting a golden shadow on your face. You are swaying contently in your place, as you take another bite of the brownie. And you look happy, with him. Minho thinks the brownies are the best he's ever had because he's sharing them with you. Because he got a taste of your happiness through them. 

vi. 

"Can you believe that professor? He failed half the class and he still thinks he isn't the problem." 

You are venting to Minho about your stuck-up Economics professor, while leaning against the countertop. He's listening intently to you, drinking in the details of your face as you talk to him. For some reason, he finds the smile lines on your face mesmerizing, that and the way your eyebrows move with your every word. 

These subtle details have been engraved into his memory since the day you gave him the brownies, two months ago. He has grown fond of you, sitting at your table at the end of his shift without you having to ask. You also hang out outside of Aurora, going on frequent walks and discovering new food spots. He never felt that the conversation between you two was strenuous, or forced. It flowed naturally, like a waterfall knowing exactly where it should go.

He also finds that smiling is easy with you. At your jokes, your stories, and your existence. He's lost count of the times he found himself grinning widely at your words, or smiling softly to himself at the thought of you coming to Aurora soon.

"He's too full of himself to admit he's the one who sucks at teaching," Minho comments and you clap in agreement. 

"Right! And it's so funny because..." You're still talking but your words go unheard by Minho, like a mindless buzz in the back of his mind. He's frozen in his place, his heart beating wildly in his ribcage as he notices the couple who just came in.

His ex, with the man she cheated on him with. 

"Minho? What's wrong?" you call out, snapping him out of his daze. You're eying him worriedly, and only then does he realize how tightly he's holding the countertop. 

"Nothing," he curtly replies, as he plasters a neutral expression on his face. 

He watches as his ex's eyes widen slightly when she sees him. She forgot he was working here. Of course, it'd be easy to do so since she never visited him at Aurora anyways. Despite the flood of emotions cursing through him, Minho maintains a stoic facade, taking their orders as if she's a mere stranger and not the one behind his shattered heart.

As Minho attempts to prepare their coffee, his hand trembles uncontrollably, forcing him to stop before dropping the milk.

He didn't love her anymore, he was certain of it. But still, the sight of her brought unpleasant memories back to the surface. Ones he tried so hard to bury in the back of his mind. And Aurora was his sanctuary. One, she never tainted with her presence. Has she not taken enough from him already? 

"Minho?" you call out softly, and Minho feels guilty because he left you alone with no explanation. Still, when he turns around, he can tell you aren't upset. You are worried, looking at him cautiously. 

"Is everything okay?" you ask once again, and this time Minho can't find it in him to lie to you, so he simply shakes his head no. 

"Your hand is shaking," you observe, before gently grabbing it in yours. You cover his hand with both of your palms, squeezing it lightly to steady the tremors cursing through it. 

Your hand is warm, and very soft, a stark contrast to the sharp emotions surging within him, like pine needles puncturing his heart.

"Would you like me to serve them?" you ask softly, and Minho isn't surprised you picked up on his unease. You're perceptive, it's one of the things he likes about you. 

"Please," he responds quietly. You simply smile, reaching for an apron and wrapping it around your waist. You look adorable, intertwining yourself with his world, and the sight of you eases the ache in Minho's soul.

A few minutes later, you grab the tray from his hands and walk over to their table. Minho chuckles inwardly when he notices that you didn't smile at them, serving them with a blank face, and his chest warms a little.

He has you on his side. 

Five days later, you're sitting besides Minho on a bench; watching the sun as it dips into the ocean, painting the sky in hues of orange and yellow. Yet, the dazzling colors are the last thing on Minho's mind. All he can think about is you. How you helped him with serving the rest of the drinks that day, how he taught you how to work the coffee machines- a solace from the ugly feelings that roared in him.

"Thank you," he abruptly says and you turn to look at him, perplexed.

"For what you did the other day, with the couple that came in. That was, um... my ex and the person she cheated on me with," he confesses quietly, fiddling with his earlobe. He didn't need to tell you, but he wanted to. "I've moved on, it's just... seeing her again hurt. I don't know why." 

Your eyes soften at him, not in pity, but in care. And Minho doesn't mind being vulnerable with you. It's scaring him, but he doesn't mind.

"It's normal for it hurt, it would honestly be weird if it didn't," you smile gently and he sighs in reply, running a hand through his hair. 

"I wish it didn't."

"Love is a powerful feeling, it consumes our entire beings. That's why it hurts when our hearts are toyed with. But love itself doesn't hurt, I feel like it's what makes our world move. You know, the little gestures humans do for one another, that are fueled by love. Like, um... scratching someone's back or peeling someone's fruit. You don't have to do those things, but you do. Because you love the person, and it makes your existence feel gentler, and softer on the heart." You explain, the words leaving your mouth and wrapping around Minho's soul, healing parts of him that he didn't know were bruised.

"My point is, it's normal for you to be hurt. But I hope you don't close your heart entirely to the feeling. Because we may not have grand things in our life, but if there is a hand that brushes our tears away and one that folds our laundry, then that's enough for us to lead a beautiful life."

Minho blinks repeatedly, in a desperate attempt to keep his tears at bay. He felt as if the letters you uttered unfolded and stretched in front of his eyes, morphing into a gentle hand patting his back. Yours.

You smile softly at him, the water's reflection shimmering in your eyes. And Minho thinks that he's standing on the edge of a cliff, ready to dive into the unknown- into you. 

"How do you do it?" he chuckles in disbelief, as he leans a bit closer to you. "You make me want to believe in love again," he pauses, before adding quietly, "but only if it's with you." 

You remain silent as Minho fidgets with his fingers, before tentatively grabbing your hand in his. He doesn't look at you, his gaze fixated on the way your fingers naturally intertwine with one another- as if finding each other after a lifetime of being apart.

"You know, I'd thought I'd always live like this, keeping a comfortable distance between me and people," he says, raising his head to finally meet your eyes, "and up until now I thought I was content with it, with loneliness, I mean. But... but brownies taste sweeter when I'm with you, and Aurora is brighter when you are in it, and smiling feels like second nature around you. And I don't... I don't think I can go back to being lonely again, not when I've had a taste of you in my life." 

Minho's heart is beating wildly into his chest, and he can hear the blood rushing through his ears, frantically, as if to warn him against what he's about to say. But your thumb caresses his palm reassuringly and he wants to try again. With you.

"I- I never wanted to love again, because no one, none of it was ever worth the risk, but you... You are the only exception."

Minho exhales breathlessly and you wrap your arms around his shoulders, pulling him to your chest. You hoped that your warmth would ease his nerves a bit, that your hand on his back would feel gentle on his soul. You didn't want to rush your answer, trying to think of something that will patch up the deeply carved scar in his heart, a perfectly made band-aid in the shape of syllables.

It's a foolish hope, you realize, to instantly quiet the cries of a bruised spirit. So you simply settle on saying the truth sitting on the edge of your tongue.

"It will be quite hard, and scary for you," you whisper placing a tender kiss on his shoulder blade. "But I'll help you, if you'd let me. I'll take care of your heart better than I do with my own."

vii.

"Hey, baby," you smile at Minho, slipping behind the counter to be by his side. He pulls you by your waist, kissing your cheek softly.

"I missed you," he pouts, and you giggle, playing with strands of his hair, "I missed you too."

"Do you know what day it is today?" he asks, a shy smile gracing his face.

"No...?" you trail out and he chuckles, taking your hand in his.

"Don't worry, you didn't miss my birthday. It's just... it's been a year since you first came into Aurora."

"You remember?" you ask in amazement, your heart swelling with love for the man standing before you.

"Mm, how could I forget you? Also," he sneakily points to a table near the back, "my favorite couple is back."

You turn around, a soft gasp escaping your mouth as you find Mark gently holding the hands of his date. You smile happily when you finally notice it- the wedding ring, finally back on his finger.

---

the way they reassured comfortingly jungkook trying to calm him down ♡🥹 (cr. soowoozoooo)

The (impromptu) proposal

chan x reader. the final? part of the wedding saga with chan. idiots in love what can i say.

(also listened to Sunsetz by cas while writing this so!! give it a listen!! and if you liked it leave a little comment muah)

A soft breeze ruffles your hair. Faint music is playing in the background and the warm sun rays are cast directly on your face. You are sticking your head out of the car window, enjoying the sight of the buildings blurring by as Chan drives to the beach. You close your eyes, which makes you miss the way your boyfriend fondly gazes at you, before looking back at the road again.

Going on walks near the ocean wasn't a rare occurence for you and Chan- you both found it peaceful, and whenever you had the opportunity to go there, you'd eagerly seize it.

The salty smell of the beach tells you that you are near. That and Chan's warm hand on your thigh, squeezing it lightly, his little signal that you've almost arrived- a habit he developed on your fourth date. He still hasn't let go of it after years of dating.

When you finally arrive, you excitedly exit the car, quickly skipping towards Chan's side of the vehicle. You had this ongoing bet of who will open the door first for the other, and you were adamant on winning it.

"How are you here already? I just parked!" Chan whines as you open the door for him and you giggle at his pouty face.

"I can't help being this fast," you wink and he lays his head on the steering wheel, as if exasperated by your words. But you could see his dimples peeking from where you were standing.

"Come on honey," you urge him and he finally steps out of the car. Your hand finds his, and you lace your fingers together instinctively. He squeezes your hand three times- another endearing habit of his; his silent way of telling you 'i love you' at all times.

You are walking towards the water, when rain droplets start falling on top of you. You pause, looking up at the sky and then at Chan who's deeply frowning.

"Let's keep going, it'll probably stop," you tell him and he nods, resuming your walk.

But the rain doesn't stop, and as you head further down the sand, it only becomes stronger, enveloping you both in a cold bubble.

You pause in your tracks when you notice that someone is laying a clearly unsalvageable picnic down the beach. "Look, someone's food was ruined," you point to Chan but when you turn to look at him, his eyes are shut closed, and his hold on your hand tightens.

"Oh," you gasp softly as realization dawns on you, "is that... our picnic?"

"Mm," he hums in reply and you feel your heart sink in your chest at his defeated tone.

"Baby..." you sigh and he finally looks at you, tears of frustration welling up in his eyes, "Yeah, I didn't plan on the rain falling."

"It's okay," you smile softly at him and he shakes his head adamantly at you, "We haven't been spending too much time with each other and i wanted to surprise you, but it's all ruined now and-", you cut him off with a kiss, gently cupping his cheek and wiping away the water droplets trailing down his face.

You pull away, pecking his face all over until a small giggle leaves his mouth. You grin widely, grabbing his hand and pulling him with you towards the water. You couldn't let a little rain ruin your time with him.

"Come on!" you urge as you start running, which makes the wind feel ten times stronger against your wet skin.

"What are you doing?" Chan shouts so you'd hear him and you turn to look at him, "Have you ever swam while it was raining?"

"We'll get sick!"

"We only live once!" you shout back and that gets him laughing.

You let go of his hand to take off your shoes, before diving first into the beach. "Come on, the water is amazing!"

Chan hesitates for a bit, before following suit. As soon as he walks in you wrap your legs around his waist, and he holds onto your back, pulling you both under the water- his chest tightly pressed against yours. The water clouds your every sense and you can faintly hear the rain ricocheting off the waves.

You wish you could stay here forever, somewhere where it's only you and Chan, and the waves gently brushing against you.

But you both need oxygen so you inevitably have to emerge back, soft gasps escaping your mouths as you breathe air again. The rain falls rapidly on the both of you. It's cold, but Chan's body is warm against yours, and the contrasting sensations make a rush of thrill run within you.

You drop your legs from around Chan's waist, only to climb on top of his back, in an attempt to push him down the water. He doesn't budge so you resort to tickling him until his feet wavers and you manage to do it. You dive seconds after him, opening your eyes slightly to find him. There under the waves, you grab his face between your hands, pressing a quick kiss to his forehead.

You rise up again, and the look on Chan's face is incredibly soft, for you. He looks perfect, t-shirt tightly clinging to his body, highlighting every muscle of his that he worked very hard on. Water droplets gather in his eyelashes, and his dimples are proudly in display, you can't resist the urge to poke them.

"Did you just try to drown me?" he asks, faking offense and you back out slowly.

"Correction. I didn't try, I drowned you."

"Drown me again if it means you'll kiss me like that."

"So cheesy," you grin, his words making your heart skip a beat.

"I'm cheesy?" he asks, suddenly lunging forward towards you, he grabs your body, throwing you over his shoulder and running across the water.

"What if I drown you now?"

"Will you dive after me?" you ask through a fit of giggles.

"I might." You can't see his face, since your only view is of his broad back, but you can clearly hear the smile in his voice.

"Then I don't mind."

"Who's the cheesy one now?" he asks, putting you down gently.

"I learned from the best," you beam at him and he buries his head in the crook of your neck, hiding his growing blush from you.

"How do you do it?" he asks quietly, his breath fanning against your wet skin.

"Do what?" you say just as softly, your hand reaching up to smooth down his discheveled hair.

"Make me feel the happiest."

"I didn't do anything."

Chan's hold on your body tightens, and he sways you gently left and right. As if he's dancing to a melody only he can hear.

"You are magical, being with you is like magic because no one, no one has ever managed to turn all my sad moments into happy ones." Chan clears his throat, pulling away from you slightly. He could feel the emotion bubbling inside him, threatening to spill in the form of unkept tears.

"And I want to feel this way with you, for the rest of my life," he continues, "I wanna be yours- yours to love, and to hug and to smile with. Only yours." The last part comes out in a whisper, as if the oxygen was knocked out of him and his love for you filled his lungs instead.

"You are magical on your own, baby. And you make me happy too Chan, so so happy."

Chan takes in a deep breath, his brown eyes looking deeply into yours. They are like molten amber, scorching your skin in the most delicious way.

"I had a whole thing planned, I promise, and I will- I will do it but I feel as if I don't say the words right now I might explode."

Chan quickly bends down to pick you up once again, running out of the water. As soon as his feet hit the sand he places you on the ground, before kneeling in front of you. On one knee.

"I don't have the ring on me right now, but I need- I need you to know that you are everything to me. Everything. And I want to love you, everyday, for the rest of our lives. On sunny days and on rainy ones. Where we wouldn't notice it's raining because you're light enough on your own. Will you let me, baby? Will you please marry me?"

"Wouldn't it be too cheesy if I said yes?" you manage to say through your tears, as you kneel your turn so you're at the same eye level as him.

"It would. You're right." He teases back, his forehead now pressed against yours.

"I will. I will marry you," you giggle, raw happiness cursing through you. It felt like there were sunrays piercing through your skin, surrounding you both in pools of light only you can see. The joy is overwhelming, and you can't help but throw yourself in his arms until he's laying on the sand and you're on top of him.

"Will you? Really?" he asks bewildered and you fiddle with his right earlobe, a huge grin on your face, "Yes, honey."

"So we're getting married?"

"We are."

"You said yes."

"I said yes."

"And you love me."

"I do love you. more than anything in this world." you lean down to kiss him, sealing your words with your lips moving slowly against his. You've kissed chan a countless times before, yet this one feels slightly different. Maybe it's the rain falling on top of you, or the waves gently brushing against your tangled feet. Or maybe it's the certainty that Chan chose you to love for the rest of his life.

"Let's go home" Chan finally says, breaking apart your kiss. He carries you again, as you grab both of your shoes in your hands. You don't have to link your arms around his neck, you know he won't let you fall.

"I think there is sand in every part of my body."

"Same. Let's take a shower together. To save water, of course."

"Of course," you giggle, "nothing else."

"I can't wait to tell the boys. But I think they'll hit me because they've been planning the proposal with me, and I ended up asking you before it."

"You just couldn't resist me," you singsong and he rolls his eyes playfully at you.

"For the sake of your ego, I choose not to respond."

"Mmm, I still wanna know what you planned."

"It's a secret."

"Please, my pretty fiancé," you pout and he looks down at you, a soft smile on his face, "I love you, and you calling me that is the cutest thing ever, but no."

"Fine. Shower alone then."

Unbeknownst to you, Hyunjin and Han who set up the picnic didn't leave when they noticed the rain falling. The photograph of Chan carrying you, and the rainbow slowly forming in the sky is framed in your home till this day.

---

TOO HOT TO HANDLE.

PART I

Felix x reader. (s)

Chapters: Part II

Synopsis: You and Felix become contestants in a reality dating show, Too Hot To Handle. (15,4k words)

Author's note: It's kind of experimental turning this into a fanfic but hope you enjoy it. Part II will be out next week x

Content warning: This is entirely a work of fiction and not affiliated with real Too Hot To Handle show.

YOU: I think physical appearance is not that important. It's all about confidence. [flips hair] I think all women should carry their self with confidence, stand tall, and always strive to be better. 

But when you look at me, I'm pretty much a smoke show [laughs] I'd date myself if I could [laughs]

My ideal type is someone with a distinct charm. I'd love to see a tattoo or two on a man and someone who knows how to keep it exciting, cause I get bored easily [blows kisses to the camera]

-

Desperate times call for desperate measures.

That's why you accept your cousin's offer in exchange for money that would save you from getting kicked out of your apartment and from dropping out of college.

She was in a desperate time too when she reached out to you as one of the contestants decided to drop out of the reality show she worked in as the casting director.

Guess desperate times reached out to each other.

But you, as a nobody with less than a hundred followers on Instagram and you believe half of them are bots, have no experience of being in front of the camera, doubting that you'll do well in it.

Other than that, you think reality shows are just a waste of time, they have no educational value but dumb people down.

But what option do you have? You're broke, jobless, and a week away from being homeless when the offer came.

"What's the reality show about again?" You ask your cousin, Sara.

She rolls her eyes at you, it's probably the umpteenth time you asked her about it again. "It's on the description."

It's on the pile of papers she gave you but you're too lazy to read that many pages written in small fonts with single spaces.

You have to bring it close to your face to read it.

A group of determined singles visit paradise to meet, mingle, and remain celibate for their chance to win $200,000.

"So..." you stop reading after seeing the amount of money you can win from it, "it's basically a dating show."

"Yes," she answers, "but... you will not be allowed to kiss or touch or have sex."

"Oh, thank God!" You let out a long sigh of relief.

Yes, you need the money but knowing that you don't have to do such things for a reality show makes you feel relieved. At least when one of your peers knows, you wouldn't have to be embarrassed about it. You can say you did it for the experience, but spare the part that you did it for quick money.

Another question pops into your head, "But then... how are we going to date each other if we're not allowed to kiss or touch and whatnot?" 

Sara smiles at you, "See? That's the catch!"

She gets all excited in a second, "you have to resist each other from going at it," she further explains as her eyes turn a little loopy.

"Oh, so they'll be sex in it?"

She chuckles, "Maybe yes. Maybe not. Who knows?"

That's a vague answer and you still don't get how she would make money from making a reality show but doubtfully giving people what they want.

It's not like you're in it to actually find someone to date. You agree to join because she promised you more money once the shooting is done.

You're going to stay at a gorgeous villa on an island with a few people and try not to be in each other's pants, which is not what you intend to do in the first place.

What's so hard about it anyway? 

-

Wow!

You might have missed the part that you have to be dressed in provocative swimwear and show as much skin as possible in the papers Sara gave you.

However, there's this one motto that always works to make you through the day.

Fake it till you make it and you have no other option but to fake it.

Your hair is styled into loose waves to make it look like you've been spending time at the beach and thankfully, you're allowed to do your own make-up. You put on a simple one, put a little blush on your cheek, and a layer of shiny gloss over your lips.

You changed into a two-piece bikini and look at yourself in the mirror.

Damn, you don't even have to fake it anymore. You look hot and you think that's why they still passed you as a contestant despite knowing that Sara is a relative of yours.

The first segment of the reality show is contestants entering the villa one by one, but in your case, you have to do it with another gorgeous girl.

"I'm Maeve," she introduced herself in a cute Irish accent.

You might or might have not just checked her out from head to toe before shaking her hand back to introduce yourself back.

You're taller than her but that's what makes her cute. She has that pretty dirty blonde hair and a nice smile, exuding a very positive vibe. You like her already.

The staff gives you the cue to start walking into the gravel path that leads to the villa while the cameras take you from every angle possible to capture your best features.

By best features, you mean your breasts and boobs, anything that possibly makes people think that's how a perfect body should be.

You are against female objectification but again, what other choice do you have? Giving up your principles just so you can live another day in this capitalist world.

Cheers welcoming both of you as the other contestants that have made their entrance before you, watching you step into the scene.

You can feel their eyes on you, either in envy or lust or things in between. You introduce yourself around with hugs and kisses, which is not how you usually introduce yourself.

Once they handed you a welcome drink which is a glass of warm champagne from being under the sun too long, it's when you see each one of them better.

Your confidence deflates in an instant because they're all way hotter and sexier than you. They look good in their bikinis and their hair is perfectly tousled like they rolled out of bed looking that gorgeous.

You're not just talking about the female contestants, the male too are incredibly stunning, their abs are on display since they're only wearing swimming trunks, their skins glowing under the sun.

You find yourself fanning your neck just from stealing glances at it.

"Hot, huh?" The other girl asks you, one with a perfect bone structure and full lips.

You lightly chuckle, "Everyone in here is hot," you carefully with what you said, aware that a mic is attached to your body.

"I know right?" She says with a flirty smile.

After a moment, you learn her name is Laura and she's the epitome of a hot girl. She has the perfect hair, perfect body, perfect nails, and even the way her hair parted is perfectly in the middle. Other than that, Laura, like other pretty girls, has it easy in her life, she's a social media influencer with 300k-something followers and said she's here for 'shit and giggles', her words, not yours.

A lot more male contestants enter the villa and everyone refills their champagne flutes as the temperature raises. You can't tell if it's because you're so close to the beach or there's just a lot of heat in here, or it could be that you're panicking inside and try not to show it.

Your cousin Sara is wrong about one thing.

There's not just one catch, they're all a catch and you can't do anything about them.

-

YOU: I feel like I'm in an ice cream shop and they have all of my favorite flavors. Vanilla, chocolate, salted caramels, cookies, and cream... [bites thumb] I just can't wait to have a scoop of each flavor [chuckles]

-

After the introduction and draining six bottles of champagne in the process, everyone is allowed to explore the place, get familiar with each other, and mingle.

Well, of course, you have to do your part, be flirty with them but you don't intend to go into that yet. Not when your confidence level is at its lowest that you can't even fake it anymore.

You sit by the lounge chair by the beach, enjoying the view of the beach while trying to ignore all the cameras filming you.

One of the cameramen suddenly got closer to get an angle when you notice that one of the male contestants is coming to the beach and you see no one else there but you.

Suddenly, you feel alarmed, immediately check your appearance, and got you wondering why that is your first reaction. This never happens in real life.

"Hi," he says, sitting on the other lounge chair next to you.

You raise yourself from the longue chair, supporting the back of your head with a cushion.

"Hi," you finally say back, trying to sound calm yet sultry like how Laura speaks.

You notice that he speaks in an accent that you can't quite decipher its origin, "may I know what accent is that?"

"It's French, but I do speak German as well," he says.

"And English," you point out.

He chuckles, "That too!"

"I learn that everyone has an exotic accent while I'm here with the most basic accent," you say and it surprises you how well you're doing at being an obnoxious reality show star.

He smiles, showing his perfectly good teeth, "Nah, I think you're cute."

And surprises yourself again at how receptive you are, smiling at his compliment. You laugh to yourself as you try to remember his name, everyone introduced themselves too quickly earlier and gave you no time to memorize them.

"I'm sorry. What's your name again?"

"Alex," he says, taking another step towards you as if he wasn't standing close enough.

Alex is super tall, super attractive, muscles in all the right places and you have never cared about such things in a man before. Alex has nice brown skin and soft curly hair, he's charming in a way that subtly grows in you.

"Well, Alex, how come you're so tall?" You playfully ask him, holding your champagne flute close to your face.

"I play basketball," he answers.

You click your tongue in awe and at the same time, feel afraid that Alex has raised your standards of men to a whole new level.

-

YOU: Alex is hot. Isn't that obvious? That French accent ooh... [whistles] and he plays basketball. He's like a tall glass of water and I'm super thirsty.

-

He's hot, he's tall, he speaks three languages, and he also plays sports. What else can he do? You wonder...

"What about you?" He asks.

You think for a moment, "Well, I only speak English," you answer with giggles.

He leans forward and puts his elbows on his knees, looking at you with an intense stare.

"I can speak cat language too if that counts," you add.

He raises an eyebrow at you, "So you're a cat person, huh?"

"Yes, I am."

"I see..." he says, looking at you with an even more intense stare, "you like to be spoiled, huh?"

You turn to lay on your side to show him the curve of your body and bite your lower lip as you bravely stare back at him, "who doesn't like to be spoiled?"

Alex licks his lip as you catch him glancing at your lips, he thought of kissing you for sure but has no idea what stops him.

"What animal person are you?" You ask as the conversation starts to dry up.

He props a hand under his chin, "Why don't you guess?"

You tap your lips with your index finger to subtly tease him, "A puma?" You wildly guess.

He laughs, "Why?"

"I got the impression that you're wild, can't be tamed," you say whatever it is crossed your head at that moment.

You don't think Alex would care anyway with what you're saying because all he can think about is whether he should kiss you or not.

"Am I right? Or am I not wrong?" You dare him by closing the gap a few inches short.

Yet he remains in his seat and you're getting bored of waiting already. You retreat from keeping this going and sit up on the longue chair.

"I think I have to start getting ready for the party," you excuse yourself.

You're not proud that you're back to being such a bitch who plays with men but gosh, something about this reality show that brings out the bad girl in you.

-

YOU: Perhaps it's too early for him to get his move on someone. I think he wants to keep his options open and that's what I'm doing as well, I want to get to know a few of them and see if I... uh can have some fun.

-

The males are already waiting at the beach for the party.

The females are taking longer time to get ready because there is so much to do, hair, make-up and even putting fake acrylic nails.

You have lived as a woman for twenty-three years but only realized now how exhausting it is to be one. Not that you don't like it but people oftentimes don't give women enough credit for it.

"Come here, you sexy!" One of the males says.

Wow. What a way to impress a woman!

Everyone is sitting on the benches set around a bonfire and drinking cocktails with umbrellas in them, sipping and talking, checking each other out in secret or not so secret

A player recognizes another player so there's no use for all contestants to play naive, pretending that they're just here to sit around bonfire and make friends.

Everyone knows that they're here to get wild and becomes famous by doing it on a reality show. Except you thought, you don't want to go that far.

"Icebreaker time!" Says the girl with brunette hair and rosy cheeks. You believe her name is Heidi.

"Each one of us will take turns to stand in the middle with a blindfold on and anyone can do anything to that person. In the end, they have to guess who did it," she explains but more like babbling around the words while seductively chuckling in between words.

You don't get what she's saying but try to learn the game by watching as she takes the first turn to set an example. Heidi is a total babe, it's impossible if no one wants to have a piece of her.

A male comes up to her and has a deep kiss that put everyone to shame. One look and you can tell that it's one hell of a kiss. You sip the drink you've been holding in your hand.

Your heart is drumming the closer it gets to your turn, afraid that someone does things with you but it would be more embarrassing if no one does things with you.

So far, everyone at least has a kiss or a smooch, Laura even lets a guy touch her ample bosoms. You haven't made a move yet and it's kind of a requirement that you show your wild side because that's the idea of the show.

It's Jamie or that's what you remember his name is. He's taking his turn and putting a blindfold on, he looks gorgeous wearing a white shirt and short pants.

Jamie has glowing tan skin and six-pack abs, his hair must have skipped months of a haircut but rocking it all right. He keeps brushing his hair to the back, knowing that it looks better when it's messy.

You take a glance at everyone and none of them seem to make a move on him, impulsively, you get up from the stool and come up to him.

It's when you stand in front of him you have no idea what to do with him or more like, you have tons of ideas of what you want to do but can't choose one.

Everyone else is watching from their seats in anticipation, you shut down your brain from thinking and just go with it. You stand on your tiptoe and kiss him on the neck, covering your lips once you're done to not give him any clue that it's you who kissed him.

You run back to your seat and see what his reaction is once he takes his blindfold off. Next, Jamie has to guess who is it and to avoid looking suspicious, you calmly sip your drink and watch him guess who did it.

After taking too much time observing, he gives up, "I don't know. But whoever it is, I kind of want more," he says.

You try to remain calm and take another sip, looking anywhere but not in his direction.

It's finally your turn, your heart is beating faster and you wonder if the audio guy can hear it too with the mic resting around your neck.

Taking a quiet deep breath, you tie the blindfold over your eyes and around your head. You can only hope for the best now and block every insecurity that tries to reside in your head.

"Ooh..." everyone coos in unison and that only means someone is coming or about to do things to you.

Nervous, you clench and unclench your fists to calm yourself. Then a pair of hands gently cup your face and tilts your head upward.

Not ready for it, this mysterious person kisses your open mouth and proceeds to kiss you more, using his tongue in the most pleasurable way to taste you.

Damn! He's a good kisser and you reflexively respond to his kisses with your hands holding theirs. For a split second, you forget that you're in the middle of shooting a reality show and everyone is going to watch it.

You gasp the second they let go and have you fixing your lipstick because there's no way that phenomenal kiss not smudging it.

"Whoa. Can barely think after that kiss," you shamelessly tell everyone as you act drunk as you walk back to your seat.

Sipping your drink, you secretly assess everyone and try to guess which one of them kissed you. They're all hot anyway, it's not a loss to kiss one of them and you didn't know why you were fussing about it earlier.

Since Laura is taking the last turn and everyone seems to be whipped by her, you can see that all the male contestants anticipated this. You bet they're lining up to get a kiss from her.

It takes only a few seconds for anyone to make a move, the first one to have it is Daniel with half of his body covered in tattoos. He has a lean body and that bad boy attitude, he confidently strides to kiss Laura on the lips, so hard that she gasps in surprise.

You find yourself clapping at two people doing lewd things in front of a group of people. When you think Daniel is the only one succeeding in having a piece of Laura, another one takes his turn.

You almost scoff seeing Alex holds her by the neck and kisses her so deeply. Instant turn off, all those charms he has seems to be wiped off your head in a second.

-

YOU: Well, now we all know why Alex didn't kiss me [laughs] He likes someone else and that's good, I'll stop chasing him from here [sucks air through teeth] and on to the next one! [Raises hand triumphantly]

-

Moving on to the next segment, you prepare yourself for your act.

Sara is nice enough to let you know what the show is really about. When you ask everyone else, they believe that they're on a dating show and are here for partying and having fun and such.

Well, until... the cone-shaped talking pops out of its hiding and stops the party and the fun altogether.

"Hi, I'm Lana, and welcome to Too Hot Too Handle!"

Everyone stops talking and turns serious while deep inside you will find pleasure from their pain.

"You have been specially selected because you are all choosing meaningless sex over genuine relationships."

"That's true, though!" One of the males says and the other chuckles along.

"The purpose of this retreat is to help you gain deeper emotional connections in your personal relationships."

Daniel seems to be taking the news badly, "I'm not here for that!" He comments.

"As always, there are conditions to your stay here. You must abstain from sexual practices for the entirety of your stay."

Everyone is groaning in frustration, covering their eyes as if not having sex will make them die.

"No kissing. No heavy petting. And no sex of any kind."

More groans are spilling out of everyone's mouth.

"This also applies to self-gratification."

Wait! You didn't know that you'll not be allowed to touch yourself. Your body and you can't do anything about it.

-

YOU: The second I saw Lana, I know it's bad. But I didn't know it's that bad. Can't even touch myself? What?

-

"However, to aid your development, I've increased the prize fund to $200.000."

That one gets everyone hyped and jumping in excitement, including you. Thinking of that much money, you can shrug all your financial problems away. 

"Each time the rules are broken, money will be deducted from the prize fund."

But this one gets you down immediately, there's a possibility that no money will be left with all these horny people locked in a villa together.

"Everyone, welcome to the retreat!"

"Ugh!"

-

YOU: Everyone is pissed off, including me. But you know, something about being told not to do something only makes me want to do it [bites lip]

-

No, you're not pissed off about it. Sex is something you can easily avoid doing, you just need to keep it in your pants and that's what you're going to do.

You want the prize so much and want to put your focus solely on that.

"How do you feel, babe?" Maeve asks while putting her wavy hair into a messy bun.

You're cleaning up your make-up with her with Heidi in the room, "I'm super bummed!" You lie.

"I'm here to have fun so... I'll continue to do that," Heidi eggs on the conversation.

Maeve nods in agreement, "Right!"

Going to the bedroom, you see the next struggle and that is choosing your bed. A few of them have chosen partners to share the bed with. You don't want to choose yet so you nudge Maeve's elbow, "Want to share a bed?"

She smiles at you, "I thought you'd never ask," she answers.

Everyone else is on the bed and you look around, catching someone staring at you from across your bed. It's Jamie.

"It's you," he points at you.

You raise an eyebrow at him and mouthed, "What?"

He turns his head to the side and shows his neck, "the kiss."

Instead of answering, you slump down the bed and giggle behind the duvet. You bet he can tell from the color of the lipstick mark.

However, from all the males you see, you can't guess yet which one of them kissed you. Alex can't be it, he's sharing the bed with Laura and looking comfortable there.

That leaves Jamie, Daniel, Cole, and Felix. It could be Jamie but...

"Goodnight, babe!" Maeve says as the lights are turned off for the night.

"Night, beautiful!" You greet back and you silently thank her for stopping you to think about boys when you should be thinking about the money.

Eyes on the prize.

-

The first day and you wake up feeling so disoriented. It's the timezone, the weather, and the blinding sun that greets you the moment you get out of the bedroom.

They provide swimwear in the closet for everyone to wear besides your own clothes. You pick a pair and put on your make-up after with Laura and Alex, not sure if either of them is trying to make you jealous.

It's the first day of the rules applied and you already need to remind yourself of the prize fund.

"Who do you like?" You curiously ask Maeve as you're in the pool together with Jamie.

"I like Felix," She answers without a beat.

It's an obvious answer. If this show has two main characters they would be Laura and Felix. The males go for Laura and the females for Felix. You haven't had time to speak to Felix in person then again, everyone in here is attractive. 

"I think he's just so hot and cute," Maeve adds.

Jamie splashes her with water, "you're blushing!"

Maeve giggles and splashes water back at him, "what about you? What is your type?"

You didn't expect she'll turn the table at you and that you're like a rabbit about to get hit by a car.

"Come on, you can say it. Brunette with a British accent, nice smile, nice hair," Jamie playfully says with a grin at you.

Maeve chuckles then comments, "I think you two look cute together!"

-

YOU: I think Jamie is cute, he's a goofball. We share a vibe and he always smells so good [laughs] I can't say anything yet but yeah, let's see.

-

There are five males and five females, everyone can pair up and be a couple but things don't work out that way. There are so many things to consider like chemistry and connection, etcetera. However, you believe everyone is just waiting for someone to break the rules to go further.

That seems to be plausible with Lana throwing a party tonight.

"We're matching!" Jamie says.

You chuckle seeing that the only matching thing you have with him is the color of the pants you're wearing.

"You look beautiful," he compliments.

You tease him by jutting your ass at him and looking over your shoulder while batting your eyes at him, "Thank you!"

Doesn't want to be tempted, he turns your body around and puts his arm around you to lounging outside. You bet that he will use the opportunity to tell you about his intention.

You haven't been in relationships for so long that you forget how nerve-wracking it is.

"Cheers!"

"Cheers!" You clink your glass with him before taking a sip.

The sky is so pretty and clear tonight that you can see the stars like pinpricks on the night sky. The breeze is warm and salty, it's not good for your hair, you spent almost an hour straightening your hair and it's ruined in ten minutes.

"So do you have anyone you like?" Jamie asks.

You put your glass away and shake your head, "Nah, not yet."

He stares deeply into your eyes, "well, I like you," he suddenly admits.

"Like it isn't obvious," you jokingly say.

He laughs and licks his lips which makes you glance at his lips, it's round and full, glistening wet. You look away before it gets too creepy.

"You're gorgeous and easygoing and so fun to be around," he starts by complimenting you.

You don't know how he can have that conclusion when you only know each other for one day, you go along with him and nod, "Yeah, I agree."

He shifts on the seat and leans in close, putting his arm on the back of your head, "You're the first that caught my eyes when I came."

It's hard to know if Jamie said that in all honesty or to merely impress you. You saw how Alex jumped from one girl to another in a span of a few hours so you can't just trust his words.

Remember that they're all here for a reason, they're horny and emotionally unavailable. Sadly, that's what your types are for the last few months.

"I was hoping you'd compliment me more," you joke.

He throws his head back as he cracks a laugh, "I think it's your time to compliment me back."

You fold your legs on the sofa and put a cushion on your lap to play with the lint to keep your brain stimulated, to prevent you from zoning out midway.

You look at him as he looks back at you with hopeful eyes, "I think you're absolutely fit, you have a nice smile and are tall enough—"

"Tall enough?" He asks, a little offended.

You chuckle at his reaction, "In the best way. I hate when a guy is too tall," you explain.

"Okay, continue..." he allows.

"And you always smell so good," you lean in to take a whiff of his perfume.

"Good, yeah?"

"Tell me the perfume you're wearing," you playfully ask.

He shakes his head, "Not when there's the chance to make you take a whiff of it from me."

Jamie places his hand on your knee and the gust of wind makes his hair tousled and makes him look double attractive. His light brown eyes pierce right through you with the gaze he locked you in.

"What is there not to like about you?" You conclude.

He props a hand to support his head as he looks down at you, "what do you think about us?"

To be honest, it's too early to say something about this relationship. Not only that you barely know him, you don't have the intention to have a relationship at all.

"There's something there but I don't know, not sure about it yet," you honestly answer.

The hand on your knee moves up to your thigh now. Damn! Jamie is smooth.

"Maybe once I get to know you better, I'd know," you hurriedly add before he gets the wrong idea.

The next thing you know, you get yourself in a pickle as you find him leaning closer to you and his hand that was on your thigh, now resting on your waist.

"Maybe if we kissed, we'd know each other better," his eyes are centered on your lips.

"You want to kiss?" You lower your voice, afraid that there are other people around you.

Jamie leans in closer until his nose meets yours, "So bad," he answers.

Is it why he smells so good? That his perfume isn't just perfume, but it's also pheromones? You hold his chin, unable to choose whether to turn him away or bring him close, finding it hard to resist him.

-

YOU: Jamie looking so good tonight. He's literally too hot to handle [dramatically rolls eyes]

-

Jamie leans in closer and an inch away from your lips when you put your hand on his lips, stopping him from kissing you.

"Stop!" You mewl at him.

Jamie looks a little taken aback, thinking that he can seal the deal tonight.

"I want to kiss you," you tell him with your thumb brushes over his lips.

"But..." You cup his jaw and slowly speak to him so your explanation is not lost in the middle, "I don't want us to be the first to rule break."

If you were out there in the wild, you'd be all over each other by now. However, you think about the money, and spending money this early in the show isn't worth it, well, for you. Other than that, being the first to break the rules will only get you so much shit from everyone.

-

YOU: If we were outside, I would have ripped his clothes already by now [laughs] [facepalm] Lana, you should be proud of me.

-

Jamie sucks air through his teeth and laughs this off, maybe he feels a little rejected, you bruise his ego. Men are fragile like that.

"It's hard for me too," you sincerely tell him and throw your arms around him, consoling him with a hug.

"I'll just give you another kiss on the neck, okay?" you proceed to do it, placing a soft kiss on his neck right below his ear.

You hear him lowly groan with eyes closed, "That's not... uh, make it better."

He puts a hand around you, keeping you close next to him, "what about sharing a bed?"

You laugh at how relentless he is. Not only it means putting you at a bigger risk to break the rules but also, he's being haste about this.

"I'd like that," you answer, earning a grin from him.

"But not tonight," you hurriedly add.

His hand slides down your head to play with the end of your hair, twirling it around his fingers. 

"Why not?"

The player recognizes the player and Jamie is giving you the eyes right now. You look away and snug to his side, "I hump in my sleep and I think you'd like that too much."

He cracks a laugh with his hand drawing you closer to him, "More reason to share a bed!"

-

YOU: It's too early to share a bed with anyone. I still want to get to know the other and... [shrugs] keep my options open.

-

The party is far from over but you feel tired from socializing, and worse is, you can't escape them since you're sharing a house with them for the rest of the month.

You decide to excuse yourself, going to the make-up room and powdering your nose, then staying there to sip your drinks in silence.

There are nine other people to get footage from so you don't have to worry about making it interesting for people to watch.

"Hey, I've been looking for you!"

You turn on your seat to see Maeve entering the room, "what's up, babe?"

She drags the chair next to you, then sits on it. She checks her hair in the mirror and brushes the end with her fingers.

"I'm thinking of talking to Felix," she finally answers.

You sip your drink before talking, "And why are you here?"

Maeve laughs at your playful response, she leans back on her seat and sighs, "I don't know I'm so nervous to talk to him," she says.

That should be your question but you know that Maeve doesn't seek an answer from you, she needs some encouragements.

"You're gorgeous and fun, I think he'll like you," you tell her with a gentle squeeze on her shoulder.

She warmly smiles at you and checks herself again in the mirror.

"But if you intend to break the rules, I suggest you apply matte lipstick," you poke fun at her.

"I should do that," she searches for her make-up bag from the cluttering mess on the long vanity table.

After sending Maeve out of the door with another encouragement in a form of a cheeky slap to her butt, you bring your drink with you to the bedroom, feeling so ready to end the day already.

The first thing you see are two bodies going at it on the bed in the corner. You don't know why but you stay there standing in the doorway of the bedroom, watching them kissing on the bed.

After a minute of observation, you're positive it's Heidi and Daniel.

You hear someone coming from behind you, you hurriedly turn around to find Jamie there.

"Get me more drinks?" You immediately ask him, trying to sound natural.

"Sure, yeah, been looking for you," he says, more than eager to take you back to the party.

It's the only right thing to do. He doesn't care about the rules and if he knew that someone has broken the rules, he will be more relentless than he already is.

-

Thankfully, Lana doesn't announce any rulebreaking behaviors for today, the party ends on a good note and everyone has their happy ending, at least for today.

But for you, you're just happy to finally get on the bed.

As Maeve climbs onto the bed after you, you can't wait but ask her about how the talk went. 

"So, how's the talk?"

From the lack of her usual radiance on her face, you can tell that it didn't go well. You regret asking about it.

Maeve scoots closer to you on the bed and leans in, keeping her head turns away from Felix's bed.

"I talked to him and he was nice, said he finds me cute and funny," she keeps her voice low.

"Well, that's great!" You comment, a little louder than you intend to.

Maeve puts on a thin smile, "yeah so I asked him if he has eyes for someone," she says.

"Yeah and?"

"He said he likes someone," she answers.

You playfully bump her shoulder, "and it's you."

"Else," she finishes her words, "he likes someone else."

She rests her head on your shoulder and you put your arm around her, comforting her with gentle squeezes on her shoulder.

"Does this mean you're going to stop trying or...?"

"Not sure," she shortly replies.

"He said you're beautiful and funny, you should focus on that and work your way from there," you comfort her.

Men are not only stupid, they're all short-sighted, and that's why they like everything big. Maybe at first glance, Felix didn't see Maeve clearly and that's why you encourage her to try once again so he can take another good look at her because who knows?

-

The morning alarm is ringing.

They set a time to let everyone know when to start their day even though a few of us have woken up earlier. The lights are on and greeting each other, barefaced with eyes still sleepy.

Jamie jumps onto your bed and gets between you and Maeve on the bed.

"Good morning, girls!" His voice is muffled by the pillow underneath.

Maeve gently pats his back, "Cuddles only!" She reminds him.

He lifts his head and looks at you, "Not going to lie but I was about to kiss her until you said that," he tells Maeve.

Jamie looks so fine with a bare face and his bedhead looks extra fluffy when it's tousled.

-

YOU: Good morning! It's a good day, clear sky, nice weather with no chance of sex. [Snorts]

-

When everyone is called to the cabana, you know that it's judgment time.

You feel calm knowing that you successfully refrained from breaking rules but you know that everyone is not going to be pleased that a few people spent a few thousand dollars last night. Including you.

So far, you only knew about Heidi and Daniel but there's a big chance that other people break the rules too. It's a big place, you can't keep track of everyone.

This secret you've been keeping is getting too hard to bear yourself. The only person you can share it with is Maeve and you're positive that she didn't break any rules, not that you know of.

"I walked in on Heidi and Daniel kissing," you whisper to Maeve.

"My Gosh!" She lowly gasps.

The sound of Lana's cone-shaped head chiming and your heart leaps. You're not ready to lose money, not when you have your credit card bills spilling out of your mailbox as you speak.

"I regret to inform that there are several rule breaks."

Several? So that means there's more than one rule break? You're doomed, everyone is doomed.

"Everyone better be telling the truth right now!" Cole says as the resident's sex cop.

Everyone is looking at each other and a few are looking very suspicious right now. You bet that Laura and Daniel broke the rules from the way they avoid everyone's eyes.

Heidi raises her hand like she's in a classroom, "So..."

And everyone groans, knowing that they are about to hear a piece of bad news.

"Daniel and I, we kissed in the bedroom," she admits.

It's good that Heidi decides to come clean but it's a bit upsetting that Daniel just sits there like he didn't take part in it.

"But that was it. Just one kiss!" She assures everyone.

Welp, that's $3000 down the drain. However, Lana continues to press everyone to confess.

"Let's just get it over with, guys!" Cole adds with gritted teeth.

Can't hold it in yourself for long, you call them out by the names, "Laura? Alex? Have anything to say?" You ask with a piercing gaze.

"We uh... we kissed," Alex may have a buff body and the tallest of the bunch but he's bad at being honest like all men are.

"But it's because we're sure we have a connection. That's why we kissed," Laura is, of course, backing her man and ready to claw people with her super-long acrylic nails.

"I don't care what all of you are saying. We—"

"You kissed for how many times?" Cole cuts her off with the most important question of all.

There's a moment of silence and that means it's bad.

"Twice. On the bed and the beach," Laura answers with no apologetic expression whatsoever.

"That's so selfish!" Maeve exclaims next to you and lets out a big sigh after.

The worst is Lana is still here and asking if anyone wants to own up to their shit. You don't even want to count the most you've lost, it's a lot.

"You've got to be kidding!" Jamie groans from the end of the sofa.

Not only that the truth costs everyone money but serves the juiciest drama needed for TV broadcasts.

"Daniel kissed me," Aly finally confesses.

Everyone's eyes dart at Daniel, he kissed two girls yesterday and put them in a fight after this. Heidi looks furious sitting next to him.

"I'm pretty sure he kissed me first then he kissed Heidi," she adds, her eyes throwing daggers at Daniel.

"This is a mess!" You quietly comment and plant your face in your hands.

"These rule breaks have cost the group a total of $12.000," Lana announces.

You groan into your hand thinking that much money can cover a couple of months of your rent and here these fools spending them to satisfy their wild desire.

-

YOU: From now on, I'll be thinking of a Chanel handbag every time I get the urge to kiss someone because that's how much it costs.

-

"There are a total of four rule breaks in the last 24 hours and the fine on any further rule break will be doubled as of this moment," Lana announces another shocking news.

-

YOU: Great! A kiss equals two Chanel handbags now. [Hand against forehead]

-

It was one hell of a way to start the day.

Everyone's mood turns sour after that and Cole, being the sex cop he is, doesn't stop preaching to everyone to not break any rules.

What you fear the most with rules has been broken more than once now, it's allowed everyone else to take their turn and that includes Jamie.

It's only about time that he'll start demanding a kiss from you. Don't get fooled, men are just as insecure as women but they mask it well with their huge egos.

You try to avoid him and hang out with Maeve instead, chilling by the pool.

"I heard Irish people are a great drinking buddy," you want to distract yourself from the reality show you're in.

"I wouldn't call myself a 'buddy' but yeah, we're good drinkers," Maeve answers with her playful laughs.

You dip your fingers in the pool water and mindlessly splash it around.

"Come to Ireland and I'll show you a good time," she says.

You snort thinking that with the debt you have, you can't afford to travel out of the country right now but you can't pass on the invitation.

"Okay, I'll just go there with my winning prize," you jokingly say.

"Oh, yeah, totally," she responds with giggles but her eyes are nowhere in your direction.

Following her line of vision, she is watching Felix working out with Alex and Cole at the beach. You take it that she hesitates to make a move on him after knowing that he likes someone else.

"You're going to talk to him again right?"

Considering that the outside world is off-limits, leaving all of you with no choice but to interact with each other. This also means that Maeve will have to get a move on him or try not to be awkward with Felix walking around the house for the next three weeks.

"Who do you think it is?"

"The one he likes?" You guess.

She nods, glints of curiosity filled her eyes, "yeah."

"Certainly not you," you joke and break into laughter.

"Ouch!" She splashes water at you.

-

YOU: Maeve thinks a lot when she has nothing to worry about. She should just do it.

-

The house is huge even for ten people living in it but you can't keep avoiding Jamie.

After dressing up to hang out in the firepit, you sit next to Jamie at ease with the presence of other people there. But that doesn't stop him from touching you, putting his hand around you to play with your hair and whatnot.

"We should have kissed yesterday," he suddenly says.

You lowly chuckle, "When it was cheaper?"

The wind keeps blowing your way, sending your hair flying around and making it messy. Jamie attentively puts the stray hair away and tucks them behind your ears.

"Do you still want to break the rules?" You ask out of curiosity.

"If you want to," he answers.

He fixes the collar of his shirt and looks at you, "what about you?"

You crinkle your nose at him, conflicted. On one side, you want to kiss him and see if there's a spark between you and him but on the other side, it costs two Chanel handbags.

You rest your head on his shoulder, "I just don't think we should be selfish by spending money recklessly," you honestly answer.

"Yeah..." he agrees but the sigh he lets out at the end tells you otherwise.

-

YOU: Jamie sounds a little disappointed that I don't want to break the rules. I mean, don't hate the player, hate the game!

-

The make-up room is crowded with the girls cleansing their faces and doing their bedtime routine. You decide to take the last turn, lounging on Jamie's bed to make up for not sleeping with him tonight.

"Are you guys going to sleep together tonight?" Aly asks from the bed across the room.

Jamie turns his head with an eyebrow raised at you, asking you the same question.

"Yes, we are," you finally answer.

Jamie can't hide his triumphant smile and it looks adorable on him, you can't help but smile along.

-

YOU: I don't want to feel pressured to do it but I owe it to Jamie to at least try and see if this relationship is going somewhere.

-

It's understandable for them to be nosy, it's what the viewers need, a little drama, a little action but what they need are the juicy details.

Before anyone else gets nosy, you start getting ready for bed. Wipes clean your make-up and go to the bathroom to wash up, someone else is showering inside the stall.

It's a normal occurrence. Honestly, everyone else is just so calm about seeing each other's body at this point.

However, the glass wall is blurry so you don't have to worry about seeing someone's naked body inside. You head to the sink and mind your own business.

As you're brushing your teeth, the shower door opens and a hand reaches out for a towel hanging by the handle. In the mirror, you see Felix steps out of the shower and your eyes eventually meet through the reflection and you reflexively smile with a toothbrush tugged between your teeth.

"Hey," he greets.

It surprises you that the deep voice belongs to him, "Hi," you greet back.

He walks toward you and you scoot to the side knowing that he needs to use the sink.

"You don't mind, right?" He asks, taking his toothbrush out of his toiletry bag.

You shake your head, "not at all."

It's hard to not see his body when he stands close next to you. Everyone in here has a nice body but on the first impression, you see him as this thin and dainty guy.

Now, you've seen him up close, he has one of the best bodies in the house, his muscles are perfectly toned and it shows that he diligently worked on his body.

"How's your day?" He casually asks with the towel hanging low around his hips.

"Alright, I guess," you answer.

"You?" You ask back while washing your toothbrush under the running water.

He looks at you and smiles, "just got better, actually," he answers.

Felix is definitely flirting and you immediately fill your mouth with water before stupid things come out of it. You decide to quickly wrap it up before someone else enters the space even though you're doing nothing.

-

YOU: Felix and I are just talking. There's— [inhales] he's low-key flirting with me and I freaked out, there I said it.

-

Maeve is already on the bed when you enter the bedroom and so is Jamie with a space prepared on the bed for you.

It would be rude to say nothing to Maeve that you'll not be sleeping with her, so you come to her first.

"I'm sleeping with Jamie," you tell her.

She slyly grins at you, "Should I give you the sex talk?"

"No, thank you, mom!" You grab your pillow and walk to Jamie's bed still laughing.

Jamie's smile grows wider the closer you get to his bed, he opens his arms to welcome you.

"Come here, sweet thing!" He playfully says.

You hit him with your pillow before coming into his hug. As you settle on his bed, Felix walks past your bed and flashes you a smile, a little different from the one he gave you earlier.

You forget that he sleeps on the bed next to Jamie's and you don't know how it suddenly feels awkward to you.

"Be good, you two!" Cole warns with a piercing glare.

"Not going to break any rules. You can have my words," you assure him despite Jamie nuzzling his nose onto your shoulder as you speak.

-

YOU: At least, that's what I hope. Being in bed with Jamie and try not to break rules will certainly not going to be easy. Ugh!

-

Once the lights are out, Jamie spoons you from behind with his arms wrapped around you. Not going to lie but it feels nice to be with someone.

"You smell so good," he whispers into your ear.

You don't respond, afraid that it will only encourage him to do more.

"You're so soft," he says again with his hand splayed on your bare stomach.

"Night, Jamie," you put an end to the talk.

That doesn't stop his hand from cuddling you and nuzzling his nose in your neck.

"No goodnight kiss?" He asks.

You take his hand and kiss it as a substitute, earning a low laugh from him.

Jamie kisses you on the neck in return, "Night!"

-

YOU: It's getting a little hot in here [fanning your neck]

-

The first thing Cole does when he wakes up is ask everyone an important question.

"Did anyone break any rules last night?"

You shake your head because as much as it's been hard to refrain from touching Jamie, you didn't do anything but cuddle under the cover.

"I can promise you we've been good in here!" Jamie confidently states and puts his arm around you.

Aly as Maeve's new bedmate, points at Laura and Alex's bed, "I definitely heard noises coming from their bed," she snatches on them.

Alex may have a good poker face but you can't say the same with Laura, she's looking guilty but the kind that tells she's not sorry for doing it.

"You may as well spill the truth now," Daniel eggs in.

Laura nonchalantly shrugs as if she's not been acting selfishly when it's only about time that Lana announces how much money we've lost because of them.

-

YOU: I'm proud that Jamie and I managed to not break any rules last night. I hope that proves that we do have a real connection.

-

It's too late for you to walk out as Felix sees you coming into the bathroom.

You walk to the sink to grab your toiletry bag you forgot to take with you, "I can't believe our meet cute is in the bathroom," you say.

He laughs hearing your words while struggling to put sunblock on his back.

"Need help?"

He considers it for a moment then nods, "Yes!"

You take the tube of sunblock from him, pressing a big dollop of the cream on your hand and slowly lathering it on his honey skin. His skin is smooth and warm with muscles that make his back the perfect spot to lean on.

"So, you and Jamie, huh?" he suddenly asks, looking at you through the reflection in the mirror.

The question snaps you out of your daze. You're thankful that he can't see your face as you're busy making sure the sunblock is covering his back evenly.

"Yes," you shortly reply.

He hums while subtly nodding his head, "And what do you think?"

You play dumb but it's also because your hands wander to his lats and they're distracting, "of what?"

Felix leans forward with hands resting against the sink, "is it serious?"

You silently gulp air because his question only means that he has an interest in your relationship which also means that he has...

"We're still figuring each other out," you settle with a diplomatic answer for him.

You glide your hands back up to lather the sunblock down his shoulder blades.

"I see," he responds with a smile.

And not just a smile, a smile that tells he got the answer he wants.

You slide your hands down his arms and playfully squeeze his biceps, "there! Done!"

He takes the sunblock back from you and checks himself in the mirror, "thank you."

Felix raises his hands for a high-five with you, "Let's have a great day!"

You smile at him and return the high-five, "Let's do it!"

-

YOU: Maeve likes Felix and I'm obviously team hoes before bros. Always!

-

"Blue looks good on you!"

It's another day of Jamie's endeavors to kiss you, starting the conversation by complimenting your bikini. He joined you sunbathing by the pool in the afternoon, sharing a sun lounger.

"Thank you!" You reply with a smile with your eyes squinting under the bright sun.

His hand is squeezing your arm, "you got some muscles here," he says.

"I played volleyball in high school," you share.

Propping a hand under his head, he looks down at you, "I want to see you play volleyball."

You chuckle, "That was years ago. I forgot how to play."

"Must be looking sexy serving ball in tight shorts," he lowers his head into your neck.

You burst out laughing and slip your hand in his soft locks, "that sounds so wrong."

Not only that you're out in the open, it's rather dangerous with how close he is and his lips looking inviting as he plants it on your shoulder.

It's only right that you distract him by giving him a little taste but not too much, enough to make him crave more.

"Do it for me?" You ask with a bottle of sun spray in your head.

"I'd love to," he eagerly says.

Jamie sprays on parts of the body he wants to touch, all over your back as you lay on your stomach and down to your asscheek, excessively kneading on them.

You laugh at how he can't stop himself that you eventually have to turn over so he can continue, spraying your shoulders.

You take off the straps around your neck so he can spray your chest and sneaks his hand on the valley between your breasts.

"Yeah, get in there!" You playfully encourage him.

Jamie grins like a child who got caught taking a cookie out of the cookie jar. He then continues to spray on your abdomen and evenly rub them down your thighs next while glancing into your eyes once in a while.

To say that you don't enjoy teasing him would be a lie.

-

YOU: Jamie becomes more relentless by the day but am I wrong to not want to rule break? Isn't that the purpose of this retreat?

-

As the day turns to night, it's only about time until everyone got called to the cabana.

You feel sick listening to the sound of Lana's cone-shaped body chiming, especially with Laura and Alex acting so suspiciously.

Lana is a computer but she sounds not pleased as she greets everyone. Cut to the announcement, she informs that Laura and Alex did break the rules last night.

You glance at Cole who got speechless that he's just looking at Alex in disbelief.

"These rule breaks cost the group $18.000."

-

YOU: For three kisses? Really? Lana, please, be reasonable with the prices.

-

"That's not the only rule break they committed," Lana spills more truth.

This is what you fear the most, getting riled by the whole group for breaking the rules. Everyone looks at both Laura and Alex waiting for them to confess.

"I touched his willy under the cover," Laura confesses.

Everyone groans in unison.

You don't know how Laura is okay being so selfish and can keep a straight face, but that's probably why her make-up is super thick.

"This rule break costs the group a further $4.000."

"Why would you do that?" Maeve asks and she rarely gets this mad.

"It's not a big deal!" Laura nonchalantly responds.

"Yeah but not for $4.000!" Heidi snaps at her, as furious as everyone.

"Now the prize fund stands at $166.000."

-

YOU: I can use that money as a deposit for a house and here we are, spending it on kisses and a hand down a guy's trouser.

-

The night gets darker not only on the outside but inside the house as well.

Lana sends Laura and Alex to the suite to test if they're building a true connection but everyone is skeptical that they'll pass the test.

You sit on the bed with Jamie resting his head on your lap, brushing his hair to relax you now that you've lost a chunk of money.

"Alex is like the horniest people and Laura is the biggest teaser, it's a recipe for a disaster," Aly comments, lying on her stomach on the bed opposite yours.

"They will rule break once or twice at least," Jamie adds his opinion.

The night ends early but you see that Maeve and Felix haven't returned yet to their respective beds. You hope that things are going well with them.

You nuzzle your head into Jamie's chest and murmur, "We haven't broken any rules," you tell him.

"Yet," Jamie continues your words clasping your hand with his.

You look at him and smile as he looks back at you, "We've been good and I'm proud."

He foolishly smiles and opens his arms to invite you for a hug. You jump right into his embrace and those muscles on his body feel pillowy under you.

Jamie pulls the duvet to cover both of your bodies even though the lights aren't out yet. You squeal as he starts to glide his hands down your sides.

-

YOU: I appreciate Jamie for being so patient because I know, it was hard for me to not throw myself at him.

-

"We don't need another rule break tonight!"

Cole pulls the duvet down to reveal that the two of you are just tickling each other under the cover.

At the same time, Felix makes his way to his bed, seeing you straddling Jamie on the bed which sends you to get off of him immediately.

It's unclear why you do that but your eyes go straight to Maeve's bed, it's empty even when the lights are already out.

You nestle your head in Jamie's neck as he lightly touches up and down your arm and kisses your hand once in a while.

You plant a soft kiss on his neck and whisper, "Night."

He kisses you back on the head, "Goodnight!"

-

YOU: I start to believe that maybe Jamie and I do have a genuine connection [smiles]

-

Everyone is looking restless from the moment they woke up and looks in shambles once they gathered in the cabana, ready for that time of the day.

After a while, Laura and Alex are returning from the suite. You recognize the glow on Laura's face right away but you could be wrong.

God! You hope you're wrong and they didn't do anything selfish last night.

You're spacing out as Lana comes with her anxiety-inducing ping sounds and all you can think about is how much money Laura and Alex spent last night.

"They're looking suspicious," Aly whispers at you.

Indeed, they are, and looking very guilty as well. Everyone waits in anticipation as Lana takes her time to announce whether they pass the test or blow all the money in one night.

"I must tell the group that Laura and Alex did..."

You hold your breath for the worst outcome.

"Not..."

It's getting harder to breathe now.

"Break any rules!"

Everyone shoots up from their seats and congratulates the couple in turns. You got so far in life that you get to celebrate people for not having sex.

-

YOU: So they can keep it in their pants! I'm proud!

-

Lana has another announcement after everyone settled in from the celebration.

"To motivate everyone to grow genuine feelings of connection as opposed to lust, I've prepared gifts for all of you."

You take the box in front of you and open it to reveal a watch inside.

"When I observe two people forming genuine connections, they will be given a green light like this."

Everyone's watch chimes and turns green at the same time.

"While the lights are green, the rules do not apply for a limited amount of time."

Cole claps his hands together to get everyone's attention, "There's no more excuse for anyone to break any more rules!"

-

YOU: This [shows the watch] motivates me to build a connection with Jamie. Hope we get to be the first to get the green light.

-

After a very stressful morning that thankfully ends with a happy ending, you can have the room to breathe since the boys are out of the house to do a workshop at the beach.

The girls are hanging out in the bedroom and with the drama going on earlier, you forgot to ask Maeve why she went to bed late last night.

To get a little privacy, even though you can't get any with cameras placed in every crook and nook of the villa, you take her to the make-up room. You sit next to her while fixing your make-up in the mirror.

"Is everything okay?" You ask.

Maeve sits with both feet up on the chair and looks down at her nails, "not okay, honestly," she answers.

You stop looking at the mirror and turn your chair to face her, "why? What happened?"

Maeve hugs her folded legs and looks at you, a sad smile on her face.

"I just don't know what I'm doing here..."

You place your hand on her knee, "hey, don't say that!"

"I'm not making connections with anyone and I tried, but it's not working. I-I don't know why I'm here," she says with a heavy sigh at the end of the sentence.

It seems like things aren't going well between her and Felix, and Maeve is someone with low self-esteem, which makes her somewhat dejected that things didn't go well.

"You don't have to be a couple to make progress, you know," you comfort her and it's true, Cole is proof that he's fine not being in a pair and dedicates himself as an avid protector of the prize money instead.

"I'm not pretty. No one wants to be with me," she breaks into tears and buries her head in her hands.

You get up from the chair to hug her, "First of all, everyone here is pretty and it's not a beauty pageant, okay?" You comfort her while slightly bending down with your arms around her.

"It's not about look. It's about chemistry, attraction, and stuff," you awkwardly explain.

You have no talent in comforting someone but you try your best. After a moment, Maeve lifts her head and looks at you.

"No one is attracted to me," she says with her fingers carefully dabbing the corner of her eyes to avoid ruining her make-up.

You scoff and turn the chair to face her before sitting on it, "you are so beautiful, Maeve," you assure her with both hands holding hers.

Maeve puts down her feet and your clasped hands dropped onto her lap, "I know," she half-heartedly agrees.

"For you, I'll fly to Ireland and come see you, we'll get drunk and have so much fun," you cheer her up with nice thoughts while shaking her hands.

Maeve cracks a laugh and you can see that she starts to get hopeful again. She's a genuinely kind person which is not someone you expect to meet here, you think of her as a friend despite it happening because you both are in a reality show.

A crazy idea crosses your head, "you know what? We can be a couple and win the money," you tell her.

-

YOU: I'm bad at comforting people and the only thing I know how to comfort someone is through actions [slyly smiles]

-

She laughs at your wild suggestion that it takes her a while to reply to you, "I'd love that, yeah," she jokingly answers.

An even crazier idea crosses your head, "come here then," you tell her, pulling her close until your heads meet in the middle.

Maeve senses your intention but not doing anything to stop you, instead, she leans in first to kiss you.

You kiss her back as she softly brushes her lips on yours over and over again. She tastes so sweet and warm, she knows how to use her tongue and not overdo it, and overall, one hell of a good kisser.

You pull away first as the reality that someone might walk in on you dawns on you.

"Did we just break the rules?" Maeve asks while wiping her smeared lipstick.

"You'd better have a good poker face!" You warn her.

-

YOU: Goodness! Maeve is a good kisser and that kiss... I think that was the best $6.000 I ever spent. No regret at all.

-

The boys are back just in time for another party Lana is throwing tonight.

The theme is Saints and Sinners and there's a box of costumes for everyone to wear. You choose to be an angel with wings even though you've been behaving badly after breaking the rules earlier.

He sits you on his lap even though the sofa is spacy enough for another two persons but you feel safe since Alex and Laura are there, cuddling in the smaller sofa across from yours.

"So, what did you do in the workshop?" You ask Jamie.

He takes a deep breath and his chest heaving along with yours, "we learned how to be more open with our feelings."

You nod along and leer over at him, "And how did it go?"

Jamie rests his chin on your shoulder with a hand resting on your stomach, "Well, I'm never good at it but I think I did alright."

He doesn't sound so convincing but you appreciate the effort.

"You look beautiful, babe!" He compliments you along with a gentle squeeze on your thigh.

You're immune to sweet nothings like this but a compliment is a compliment. You smile and mutter, "Thank you!"

You slip your hand into the opening of his shirt, "I like your shirt," you compliment back with a seductive smile.

He sees your hand slide in further into his shirt, "should have let another button open."

Jamie keeps checking his watch hoping that the light turns green soon.

You doubt that a few compliments can do it and silently laugh at his fruitless effort. 

-

YOU: I'll always be physically attracted to Jamie but I don't know. I can't tell if I doubt myself or him, or us, entirely [clicks tongue]

-

The time for doom is here.

You exchange nervous glances with Maeve knowing what we've done would damage the numbers on the prize fund. You doubt that it's what Laura felt when she broke the rules because what you're feeling is a sense of guilt but that's solely because you behaved selfishly, not for the kiss.

"Hours after receiving the gifts of my watches, a couple of you decide to break the rules by kissing," Lana announces.

Everyone's eyes land on Alex and Laura since they're the regular rulebreakers. Just know that they'll be surprised once they found out who did it.

"You know the routine. Just spill it!" Cole sounded so done at this point.

You hate to break his trust but you don't feel bad for breaking the rules, not when you have a good intention. Your heart is pounding for how much shit you'll get either from admitting it or don't, you choose the former.

"It was me," you blurt out with a hand raised.

Jamie snaps his head at you, eyes wide filled with confusion because he knows for damn sure you didn't kiss him or vice versa.

"I'm not going to name names who I did it with and why," you quickly add and it's the only right thing to do, you don't want to force Maeve to speak out unless she wanted to.

"I'm sorry," you apologize.

Jamie looks even more confused but his eyes are scanning the guys one by one even though it isn't any of them you kissed.

"I'm sorry, Cole," you apologize to him personally since he's the one who gets sensitive the most about the money.

Maeve raises her hand and decides to admit it as well, "she did it with me."

They let out a collective gasp, laughter, and sneaky eyes going on after. Jamie squeezes your shoulder but not saying anything to you.

"Another $6.000 has gone from the prize fund, leaving the group with $160.000," Lana furtherly informs.

Funny that you didn't about the money at all when you kiss Maeve. Probably because you know that you intend to rebuild Maeve's confidence, so she's not giving up on herself and continues her journey here.

However, when it comes to Jamie, you're still not sure if you want to spend $6.000 on a kiss with him.

-

The rule break doesn't seem to leave that much impression on everyone.

Maybe because they give you a pass because it's your first time breaking the rule and the night ends in peace or that's what you thought.

You're chatting with Aly in the firepit to avoid the crowded make-up room when suddenly Felix comes behind you. You didn't notice until Aly sends you a signal with her eyes.

"Can I talk to you?" He asks.

Aly gets the hint and decides to leave, "I'll excuse myself then."

You've spent a couple of times alone with him even though they only last for a few minutes, but this time is different, no one is around except for the filming crew lurking in the bushes or somewhere you're not aware of.

The sofa could fit a couple of dozen people but Felix decides to sit next to you.

"Hi," he sweetly greets.

"Hi, how are you?" You ask with a smile.

His legs are spreading wide and he has gaping holes in his jeans, exposing bits of his thighs that you found are surprisingly muscular.

"I'm good," he answers, doing the classic move of putting his arm on the headrest of the sofa, "how about you?"

Your body somehow responds by putting your leg over the other and leaning towards him, "Never been better."

Felix gets quiet but his eyes are deeply looking into your eyes as if he found something fascinating in them. A while later, he clears his throat as he slightly slouched on the sofa, legs spreading wider, sending the holes in his jeans to stretch and expose more of his skin.

"During the workshop, we were taught to open up about our feelings and I–" He pauses to scratch his small nose and continues with an uneasy glance at you, "I know what I want and I want to do it. I know I'll regret it if I don't."

"Okay," you respond while nodding along and at times, getting distracted by the holes in his jeans.

"I know you're with Jamie and I don't mean to break things between the two of you but I feel like... I need you to know that I like you."

Felix talks without a beat and with the intense stare he's giving you, you gulp air feeling nervous but in an exciting kind of way.

"I like you," he says again.

Your heart starts to race because you can feel how much he meant all of his words.

-

YOU: Oh my God! The hottest man in this retreat likes me?!

-

"You don't have to do anything about it," he casually says as if he didn't just put you in a predicament since you're with Jamie.

Felix retracts his hand and accidentally or not, brushes his hand on your shoulder. He gives you the faintest of physical contact but enough to send a shiver down your spine.

Still speechless by his sudden confession, but you know you should have said something to him to avoid him getting the wrong idea.

"Thank you for letting me know," you begin.

"You're very welcome!" He excitedly responds with a wide grin.

"But let me know if you want to do anything about it," he adds with a playful grin.

Something about him makes you warm inside, you can feel your cheeks heating, flustered with his eyes never straying away from yours even for a second.

The night is late and the fireplace is laying low, swaying with the gentle breeze coming from the sea, Felix's lips suddenly look so inviting, enticing you like a forbidden apple.

This is dangerous. 

"Let's head inside," he says, thankfully being the one putting a brake on the imminent danger.

-

YOU: This is honestly what I seek with Jamie, that excitement, that sparks and it's a problem that I got it from someone else without any sort of physical contact whatsoever.

-

"So, Maeve, is she a good kisser?" Jamie asks as he sits with you on the bed.

Maeve sips water from her tumbler before answering, "The best!"

She takes another sip before talking again, "You're in for a treat, Jamie."

He glances at you with an impressed smile, "Too bad that I can't confirm that," he says.

That's his way to dig at you for what you did. You understand that he feels betrayed by what you did, you refuse to kiss him but easily kissed someone behind his back.

You put your hand across his chest and look at him, "Are you mad?"

"Nah," he coyly answers.

You bring your mouth close to his ear, "are you jealous?"

Jamie chuckles as your breath tickles his ear, "A bit, yeah."

You kiss his cheek and deliver your apology with a heartfelt whisper, "I'm sorry, baby."

-

YOU: I, of course, feel bad for not giving Jamie the heads up about the kiss I did with Maeve. He looks rather upset but I know I deserve it.

-

It's probably luck that follows you throughout the times you spent in the retreat.

Everyone forgot about your rulebreaking as Daniel decides to get a new bed partner. He used to sleep with Heidi but tonight, he decides to sleep with Aly.

You nudge Jamie who's sleeping with his head nuzzles in your neck to witness the drama happening in the room.

His mouth opens in surprise while you look at Heidi who's slumped down on the bed.

"You okay?" You mouth at her.

"No," she mouths back.

You turn to look at Jamie, "Oh my God!" You lowly gasp.

"I feel bad for Heidi," Jamie whispers.

"Me too," you say back behind the duvet at Jamie.

-

YOU: Let's say we never know what's going to happen next [shrugs]

-

The mood the next morning has been set to gloomy with the drama that happened last night.

The good news is there's no sign of anyone breaking any rules and the bad news is that Jamie seems to not moving on from your kiss with Maeve yet.

Jamie is usually chipper whenever he's with you, except for today, he seems distant even though you're working out together by the beach.

"Tighten your glutes," he instructed.

You play dumb since that's the most successful way to win a guy's heart, "tighten my what?"

Jamie chuckles and enthusiastically shows you the parts of your body you need to work on, the back of your thighs and legs. His hands don't skip the chance to rub over the curve of your ass.

"Can you feel it?" He asks as he guides you to do a proper squat by standing right behind you.

You intentionally nudge his crotch with your ass, "oh yeah, I can feel it," you answer with giggles.

By working out, you hope that it would help to release tension between you and Jamie, it worked but in the process, you're getting that tingling down there with his hands constantly touching you.

You collapse onto the yoga mat from doing a plank and groan, "Ugh... I'm so horny."

Jamie laughs as he helps you get up from the mat.

-

YOU: I realized now that maybe Jamie needs validation, he needs more than just words from me. Maybe I have to do something about it [raises an eyebrow]

-

Before you can set a plan, Lana calls everyone to the cabana.

Not sure if anyone breaks any rules but you feel sick in the stomach whenever you sit down and face her cone-shaped body.

Cole is getting ready to put his laser eyes on anyone who breaks the rules.

"No one break any rules last night," Lana announces.

Everyone seems to be letting out a sigh of relief and you feel guilty just from thinking about doing a rule break later for Jamie.

"With the couples seeming to form deeper bonds, it's time to establish how committed to each other you really are," Lana states.

Couples? You are positive you and Jamie are included in it.

"By sending some of you on dates..." Lana continues.

-

YOU: The question is... Who's going on a date? I would love to go on a date with Jamie.

-

Now everyone starts to hold their breath again with Lana dragging each piece of information just to torture all of you.

"With new arrivals," Lana finally finishes.

This is not a good time for Lana to intervene, not when you plan on taking things further with Jamie. Also, new arrivals mean that they're not adapted to the rules yet, they'll be uncontrollable, horny babies like... well, everyone here a week ago.

"The first arrival is... Mia," Lana announces.

The guys snickered in joy, excited even just from hearing the girl's name.

"I have given her a choice of dating one of the boys currently in couples."

Your mouth hangs open in surprise, you're wrong to underestimate Lana's power and that she owns this game, she's the mastermind.

"She has selected..."

-

YOU: I hate to think about it but I have an inkling that this Mia girl is going to choose Jamie [leans back on the sofa]

-

"... Jamie."

The timing is impeccable.

Things are going well between you and Jamie, then Lana, being the girl boss she is, decides to ruin all of that.

You look at Jamie and he looks slightly pleased that he got chosen.

You're spacing out the rest of the time Lana announces another arrival, a boy who chose Laura to be his date.

It's unclear whether you're jealous about him going on another date or you regret holding yourself back from him all these times.

Jamie rubs his hand up and down your arm, briefly kisses your cheek, then says, "You have nothing to worry about."

How come you trust his words when you've witnessed all these bed hoppings and jumping ships happened overnight?

-

YOU: What Jamie said only makes me even more worried. Lana said it's a test so this Mia girl must be sexy, and speaks three languages or something. You know, like a girl version of Alex.

-

Maeve is helping you style your hair for tonight.

"How do you feel about Jamie going on a date with someone?" She asks.

You shrug and sigh, sending the powder you're holding flying around your face.

"I just hope she's ugly," you jokingly answer.

"Hate to break the news but I think she's hot and a potential rulebreaker," Maeve decides to pour salt on your wound instead of soothing it.

"It's not that I don't care but I decide not to care," you explain.

You finish your make-up with a setting spray and check yourself again in the mirror, "but you know, deep down, I'm scared, shitless," you admit.

It's getting more nerve-wracking waiting for Jamie to come back from his date. Maeve keeps you occupied with happy thoughts, telling you fun things you can do in Ireland with her.

The other girls low-key comfort you by complimenting your looks. It's a nice gesture except that no one died and you're not in mourning, you just want this to get over with.

Laura is the first one to come back, guiding the new arrival by linking her arm with his.

She introduces Killian around, an Irish man who's just the perfect match for Maeve.

Killian is a great distraction, his accent is attractive and so is his smile. You keep nudging Maeve's elbow to send her hints.

Maeve replies by elbowing your side and you thought she was being playful, then turn your head around to see Jamie has came back from his date.

"Oh shit. She's hot!" Aly exclaims.

You bite your tongue and put your lips together, not wanting to lose your calm easily. There are only two possibilities, Jamie stays with you, or not.

As Jamie pulls you to the make-up room, you know it's time for him to decide.

"How was the date?" You ask with a smile.

"It was nice. We had champagne and fruits and cheeses," he gives you an answer that you don't expect.

You silently gulp air and keep on putting on a smile for him, "Sounds lovely!"

The moment passed in silence is deafening and you need to burst it. You clear your throat and hold the hand on his lap.

"So... are you here to tell me I was right for not worrying you?" You joke.

Jamie awkwardly laughs at your question and that you're right for worrying him. A part of you is in denial that you're not chosen but another part of you decides to shut him out right here, right now.

"I want to tell you that Mia and I... I think we have something going on between us and I want to get to know her more," he slowly explains.

This heart is fickle, you decided not to care but you feel a sting in your chest when he told you that.

"You're saying you chose her?" You ask for confirmation.

Jamie takes your other hand, afraid that you run away before he can explain.

"No, I'm staying with you and openly telling you that at the same time, I want to get to know Mia," he refuses your words when it's exactly what he wants.

Other girls would give him the chance but not with you, if Jamie chose her then he should stay with her. There's no use for you and him to stay together if he wants to get to know someone that isn't you.

"Jamie you can't do that. You either stay with me or be with her, you have to choose!" You insist on him settling on a decision.

-

YOU: Apparently, Jamie wants to have his cake and eat it too [shakes head]

-

You get it that Jamie is conflicted because he still likes you but the other girl offers him something that you don't give to him.

"I like you. I still want to be with you," Jamie persists.

His words are not aligned with his action. You shake your head and put his hands away, "it sounds like you're asking me to wait for you while you're getting it on with someone else."

That seems to put the nail in the coffin that he got speechless. The disappointment got to you that you and if you stayed longer, you're afraid you would say something you didn't mean to him.

"You've made your choice, Jamie," you tell him.

-

YOU: To say that I'm disappointed is an understatement. I'm livid, I'm... I was planning to take things further but yeah... [brushes hair to the back] Mia happens.

-

Can't believe that you'll be the one serving drama tonight.

You stall in the make-up room, not wanting to get to the bedroom yet. You're drying your hair after a shower and sitting there for a minute, just taking everything in and trying to let it go.

Taking a deep breath, you keep a straight face as you push the door into the bedroom and have no choice but to share a bed with Heidi since Maeve is sharing the bed with Killian.

"You alright, babe?" She quietly asks.

You hold your forehead and slump down on the bed, "it's shitty."

She gently squeezes your elbow, "yeah."

You lay down on the bed and avoid the eyes looking back and forth between you and Jamie. You may decide not to care but seeing him sleeping with another girl right in front of your eyes, hurts.

You cover your eyes with your hand and mumble, "I just want to get this day over with."

-

YOU: Jamie has decided so he has to live with that decision. Good luck, I guess.

-

If it weren't for her, Jamie would have stayed with you and you wouldn't be waking up to Heidi lowly snoring next to you.

Mia might have seduced him but it wouldn't happen if Jamie remained faithful so you decide to blame him, not her.

This is probably what Maeve felt that day when she cried, defeated, and dejected.

But Jamie has to try harder if he wants to see you cry.

 "How are you feeling, sexy?" Maeve asks as she waddles in the swimming pool.

You sit on the edge with your feet dipped in the sun-warm water, "I don't know, really," you shrug.

She holds onto your leg, clinging to it to stay afloat, "You're better than her, trust me, she's not that attractive if you looked at her long enough."

You know that she's not saying that out of spite, she said all that to make you feel better.

"Saying unkind things about her doesn't make me better, Maeve," you tell her with a glare.

"I'm sorry but it's true," she says with a subtle shrug.

-

YOU: Jamie and I [sighs] We hugged, we cuddled, we slept in one bed together. I don't want to care but the truth is... I care.

-

The day drags on and you're more than happy to get to your bed except that you're not ready to see Jamie and Mia cuddling on the bed you used to sleep on.

You're hanging out with Maeve in the make-up room while she's braiding your hair to pass the time.

"We can sleep together. I'll just tell Killian—"

"And risks Heidi stealing him from you?" You cut her off with a joke.

Maeve laughs as she tied the end of your hair with an elastic band and fixes the loose hair on the back of your head.

"Enough about me. How about you and Killian?"

Maeve plops down on the chair next to you and takes a hairbrush from the table, slowly combing the end of her hair.

"We chatted a lot but not sure if we have that connection," she answers.

"But don't worry, we're getting along just fine," she assures you in response to your concerned expression.

"Is it perhaps because you haven't moved on from Felix?"

Asking her that is like walking on eggshells and you're doing it carefully. Mostly because Felix confessed that he likes you that making it seems that way to you.

"Oh come on! I've moved past that," she answers while twirling her hair around her fingers.

You consider telling her about Felix's confession that night but it comes to no use, the retreat has come halfway to finish and you're not sure if Felix still likes you.

It's close to lights out and you step into the bedroom with Maeve.

Heidi is already taking half of the bed with her long legs that you have to scoot close to the edge to lie down.

"Goodnight, everyone!" Aly says to everyone in the room and getting sleepy mumbles in return.

-

YOU: When I think about it, I'm seeing Lana more than my therapist [uneasy smiles]

-

This is not how you want to start the day.

You don't want to hear what Jamie and Mia did or how they spent $20.000 last night. He probably has pent-up tension and finally got to release it with her.

"You got the watches, man!" Cole is coming at him.

You sit back and watch it from the end of the sofa on how Jamie is trying to explain himself.

"I know you won't believe me but Mia and I, we have a connection," he explains.

"Why not act right and get rewarded?" Cole is jabbing him with words.

"You won't understand," Jamie says with a defeated sigh.

-

YOU: Maybe that's why I doubted Jamie. I can see it now, the bright side [smirks]

-

Nothing says a fresh start than doing yoga with Heidi.

Apparently, she is a licensed instructor and you feel a whole lot better after stretching your body to the limit.

You share the shower with Maeve to cut the time and get ready to dress up.

As you're applying your lipstick, Lana chimes in and makes you jolt in your seat.

Maeve's mouth drops open and she stops curling her hair altogether.

"Hello, ladies!"

"Hi, Lana," you nervously answer and push your chair away from the table.

Then she calls your name and you almost choke on air.

"Y-yes?"

"I'm offering the chance to go on a date with Felix " Lana informs out of the blue.

"Me?" You ask in disbelief.

"Would you like to attend?" Lana asks.

You turn to look at Maeve to remind yourself to be a good friend and a good friend avoid hurting her friend's feelings.

"Shouldn't we make them wait for at least 48 hours for an answer, Lana?" You playfully respond.

Maeve kicks your feet under the table, "what are you doing? Say yes!"

"Then how about you?" You blabber, not expecting that she gives you the blessing to go on a date with her former crush.

"What about me?" She asks in pure confusion.

"Don't you like him?"

Maeve excessively sighs, "I told you I've moved on!"

She kicks your feet again, "Hurry! Say yes!"

You turn to look at Lana in her mixed purple-hued lights and hesitate to say yes. Not only it means you have to start it all over again, but also letting yourself open for another heartbreak.

"Would you like to attend?" Lana asks once again.

-

YOU: I'm not sure if I'm ready to try and restart [sighs]

-

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