I've Read Your Post About How Different People Show Love, But Do You Have Any Suggestions For Non-verbal

I've read your post about how different people show love, but do you have any suggestions for non-verbal less direct ways I can show a budding romance between a guy with low self-esteem who has never felt like anyone listens to what he has to say and an emotionally walled-off loner who has learned not to trust and desperately needs someone stable and reliable so he can set down roots? Any suggestions for ways they might flirt, or body language to employ with them?

You’re asking me to write your characters for you, and per my Rules and Considerations, that’s not a service this blog provides. I do have a few things for you to think about though.

Body language is both unique and not unique. Especially among the same culture, there are universal movements that correspond to certain emotions, but the specifics of movements can vary. It’s also important to remember that body language is more than conscious moment– a good amount of it is reflexive (like facial expressions) and can range from subtle eyebrow raises to dramatic gestures.

Writing body language has two sides: the action and the meaning. The action is no different than any form of basic description.

She rolled her eyes.

He stuffed his hands in his pockets.

She looked back at him right as she stepped onto the escalator.

The meaning is where uniqueness sometimes comes to play. It’s important to remember that context changes what body language can mean. Let’s look back at “He stuffed his hands in his pockets”.

If the weather is described as chilly and the characters are outside, it could make sense to assume that he’s just cold.

If he just gave a gift and the person is thanking him, that movement could be a sign of slight embarrassment or trying to write it off as “no big deal”.

If he’s shown to be angry, the hand movement could be a sign of trying to hide his clenched fists.

I bet there’s even more ways to interpret that depending on the setting, mood, and character personality. There’s a decent amount of psychological-behavioral information around body language so I don’t think you’d have too much trouble doing some research.

With any growing relationship, platonic or romantic, showing it usually comes from falling layers of boundaries. A character can allow something that they may not have before, they may react in a less tense way, become more open to things, etc. The specifics of how that happens is determined by character personality. 

Second thing I want to mention is that you should check your unrealistic  romanticizing. Low self esteem and insecurities, at least on the level of importance you’ve implied based on wording, very easily destroy or prevent relationships. Those kind of people are not stable and reliable for setting down roots, especially not in a healthy way, and desperation in romance is  an easy path to destruction. The “emotionally walled-off loner” who doesn’t trust would also not realistically enter a relationship (at least not a healthy one) without some therapy or delusion. Romance doesn’t fix people; it can actually make things mentally worse for both parties if codependency drops in and especially when they naturally start taking out their issues on each other. The chances of these kind of people getting together, without professional help or some independent character growth, are slim to none and problematic if it happened. If things fall into place, then all those issues are more likely to actually get worse over time once the honeymoon phase of romance wears off, assuming it wasn’t already on destroyed foundation. Those characters need help if they are serious about anything romance-related.

It’s not that insecure people or those with issues can’t enter relationships or be in good ones, but it’s a lot harder than it looks and they have to be reasonable flaws inside an otherwise okay mental state. If they are in a really bad place, then they need to be willing to constantly work on themselves, be self-disciplined enough to stick to it, and the partner has to be in on it too. One “broken” member of a relationship with a trusted partner can work to a point; both “broken” people is endgame before it even begins. Everyone has baggage, but there’s a big difference between someone who occasionally doubts their abilities and has down times vs someone who genuinely doesn’t believe they’re lovable and their partner is just as stressed. Romance doesn’t fix people in the real world.

Now, if you’re actually writing this realistically and it’s supposed to be a twisted story (that’s okay!) then the specifics behind flirting and other love-related behavior typically come from how that character was shown affection in the past, especially in the younger developing years. You read that post on how people show love, so you should be using that to extrapolate your own answers. This is where backstory really matters, since the most common form of “first love” (not romantic) is between parent and child, plus, depending on age of character, they may have been exposed to parental love the most so it would have the biggest effect of all others. Friendship-love isn’t usually seen until people become teenagers and start forming bonds beyond play-dates, but it’s possible for older developing people to pick up multiple love languages depending on upbringing and environment. 

A character with a poor parental relationships may borrow some love language from friends– however that does’t just erase the messed-up way they’re going to see “love”. There’s a reason the cycle of abuse exists. There’s a reason kids from dysfunctional households end up in toxic relationships, even after they realize what the family put them through. Awareness doesn’t help without action and motivation, guided by someone who’s trained to make it better. It typically takes professional help, along with high levels of self-discipline and self awareness, to break out of that kind of thing.

This relationship isn’t going to be healthy– but your characters probably aren’t going to notice. That’s a HUGE thing with people with low self esteem or similar big problems that affect emotional intimacy; they just don’t see romantic situations clearly. They can’t. They get in their own way. One character with major issues can sometimes be aided with professional help and a partner who’s willing to work with them; two characters who have no clear headlamps are going to keep crashing into each other in a true, emotionally intimate relationship. If they don’t get emotionally intimate, then that’s not really a relationship, they’re FWB (maybe not even the “friend” part). The characters can think they’re doing well or that being together is a good idea, but it isn’t.

I’d probably read that trainwreck. Good luck!

Thinking of asking a question? Please read the Rules and Considerations to make sure I’m the right resource, and check the Tag List to see if your question has already been asked. Also taking donations via Venmo Username: JustAWritingAid

While I by no means want to side with Netflix or any streaming platform really, I will say that something I don't see brought up in the in the Pro-Pirating posts is that, at the very least, the pirating sites I'm aware of, don't have subtitles.

I am not deaf nor hard of hearing, however I do prefer subtitles on whenever I can get them. I am easily distracted and my mind wanders so being able to just see what the characters are saying keeps me from having to rewind a few seconds to hear what they said again.

But unless the site is dedicated to subbed anime, most pirate streaming sites I've encountered don't include subtitles. This is an annoyance to me, but to anyone who's deaf or hard of hearing it makes these sites basically a non-starter.

Getting Involved Masterpost

I’ve been compiling links to resources and organizations that are doing important work to support the most vulnerable people during this pandemic. If you’ve been feeling helpless to fight all the awful things that are happening, here’s some ways you can help. Do what you are able to - donating, volunteering, protesting, joining a union, contacting your government representatives, and simply spreading information are all good actions to take right now.

Mutual Aid Disaster Relief - resources for getting involved in mutual aid efforts. https://mutualaiddisasterrelief.org/collective-care/

Mutual Aid Hub - map for locating mutual aid resources and groups in your area that you can donate to or get involved in. https://www.mutualaidhub.org/

Never Again Action - organization fighting against ICE detention centers. https://www.neveragainaction.com/

Feeding America - all food banks are in desperate need of support right now, donate or find your local food banks here. https://www.feedingamerica.org/find-your-local-foodbank

Black and Pink - organization for prison abolition and support for incarcerated ppl who are LGBT/HIV+. https://www.blackandpink.org

Movimiento Cosecha - organization for undocumented immigrants, in need of donations. https://www.lahuelga.com/

Indigenous Mutual Aid Directory - resource for indigenous-led mutual aid groups. https://www.indigenousmutualaid.org/

Covid-19 Resources for Undocumented Immigrants - google doc spreadsheet of resources for uncoumented immigrants. https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/18p9OSlLpSYanIoUC-gEbhVbRMYVUfw4wyrixa9ekGdc/htmlview?fbclid=IwAR0euDbk5OiWd7EgBPKUPm01wCjCb-Z8-KiZK4EBlR53J0VNpVvQYTJy4eY&sle=true#gid=0

COVID-19 Sex Worker Harm Reduction Resources (U.S. Based) - google doc of resources for sex workers. https://docs.google.com/document/d/1GpmUbu7UDCKtbnsBwImFLQtXzHLlZ6FYPY_NjJvyiFs/edit

It’s Going Down - information, news, current actions, and resources about anti-capitalism and mutual aid. https://itsgoingdown.org/

Detention Watch Network - coalition against ICE detention camps. https://www.detentionwatchnetwork.org/covid-19

Amnesty International - campaign to end human rights abuses. https://www.amnesty.org/

Food Not Bombs - organization providing food and supplies to people in need. http://foodnotbombs.net/new_site

General Strike 2020 - information about the general strike that is being organized in many places on May 1st, as well as other labor and rent strikes. https://www.genstrike.org/may-day-guide/

IWW - International Workers Union https://iww.org/

ResistBot - service that makes it easy to contact your representatives (USA) about important issues. https://resist.bot

Please reblog this, and if anyone has more links to share, please add on!

From Birmingham Mutual Aid on instagram

You can find the mentioned resources post here

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mutual aid groups (US)

Indigenous Mutual Aid (US)

Mutual Aid Disaster Relief (US)

mutual aid groups (UK)

mutual aid app (worldwide)

how to organize a local mutual aid effort

Pops’s Great Big Mutual Aid Masterpost

So, this isn’t the first post ever made like this, but I’m trying to do something a little different than just posting a bunch of links. I’m only gonna include resources that are international, common, displayed either as a map or as a geographically-sorted list, and easy to participate in, to make this masterpost as accessible as I possibly can. If you’re reading this post you’re probably an English-speaker with an internet connection, and so with that in mind my goal here is that any given link you click will have a decent chance of having something near you, and there will almost certainly be at least one link on this list with something you can plug into

Groups

Mutual Aid Wiki - A map of mutual aid groups of all kinds, largely (but not exclusively) ones started in response to the pandemic

Food Not Bombs - A map of free public meals from rescued food waste. Can be a little outdated

Buy Nothing Project - A list of hyper-local gift economy groups

Trash Nothing - A list of local groups where people give and request things that would otherwise be thrown away

Transition Network - A map of local groups seeking to build sustainable circular economies from the ground up, for people, not profits

Industrial Workers of the World - One big labor union for everybody, with local chapters across much of the world

Locations

Slingshot Collective’s Radical Contact List - An international catch-all list of projects

Intentional Community Directory - A map of communes, housing coops, land trusts, eco-villages, and similar communal living projects

Repair Cafés - A map of spaces where you can show up and have your broken items repaired for free (or volunteer to do so for others)

Sharing Spaces

Little Free Library’s Sharing Box Map - A map of little free libraries that have been converted into sharing spaces for food, personal care, or hygiene items

Freedges - A map of community refrigerators for sharing food

Little Free Pantries - A map of sharing boxes for non-perishable food

Can’t Find Anything?

None of these lists are comprehensive, and these aren’t the only resources available either. Try using a search engine or looking on social media with keywords like “[your location] mutual aid”

If you’ve looked everywhere you can think of but are still coming up short, you can DM me (not on anon) with the rough area where you live and I’ll try to find some stuff for you

Maybe you could start something yourself! Here are some resources: How to Form an Affinity Group, Small Town Organizing for Anarchists, resources for mutual aid groups from Mutual Aid Disaster Relief, seven steps to starting a Food Not Bombs group

If you don’t have even a single accomplice to start an affinity group with, there are still actions you can take on your own! Check out my #practical tag for ideas

i’m a horror novel fan and it’s like fully impossible to find queer horror novels. my all-time favorite book is house of leaves by mark danielewski, but i also really love the raw shark texts by stephen hall and johnny got his gun by dalton trumbo (which isn’t really horror but MAN is it good). i’d love something with a little bit less of a ya vibe if you have it, and thanks so much! :]

Hi there! I wrote out a SUPER detailed list for you and tumblr blue-screened me 💀 So apologies for the lack of details/descriptions, but here are some queer horror novels:

Summer Sons by Lee Mandelo

The Luminous Dead by Cailtin Starling

Plain Bad Heroines by Emily M. Danforth

Manhunt by Gretchen Felker-Martin

Our Wives Under the Sea by Julia Armfield

Into the Drowning Deep by Mira Grant

Dowry of Blood by S.T. Gibson

Sorrowland by Rivers Solomon

The Worm and His Kings by Hailey Piper

The Bayou by Arden Powell

Things Have Gotten Worse Since We Last Spoke and You've Lost a Lot of Blood by Eric LaRocca

Unspeakable: A Queer Gothic Anthology edited by Celine Frohn

Also, if you do feel like checking out a Queer Horror that happens to be YA, I recommend Sawkill Girls by Claire Legrand