It Still Feels Like You

It still feels like you

Is there anything so distracting as a daughter ? 

Caught in a trap

Catch me !

A Song of Ice and Fur ( continued ! )

an unforseen product of this post is me being able to check myself on any "hold on, wait a second, did this app legitimately just— let me check my finch-tumblr-post to compare" feelings for any contrasting yet subtle changes lmao

like that today, instead of my usual "im a 3 out of 5 today 🫤" rating i plug in everytime (which it asks almost every time you check into the app, for those unaware), i picked a lower number. a "meh" level of nothing is just typically how i feel all day, p much everyday. and even just this very morning i said i was a 3 once again— but later today, it asked again, and i said i'd changed to just one notch of a lower-feeling mood (so a 2 out of 5). because i simply now had a migraine. a v persistent one unaffected by my migraine meds, making me sick; none of which i had this morning. a lower-mood makes sense

and the finch app gave me bursts of sympathy, and the big obvious sign of that was they rather predictably gave me a pop-up asking if i needed one of their (Emotional) First-Aid tools (which is reflection prompts to journal, the classic "name things related to your senses" check-in, and much more). which is kind, albeit again unsurprising. and i did decide to journal some, so if i check My Mood(TM) in the future, ill have a passage saying this lowered mood was triggered by a migraine

but the thing the app did that i had to check up against this very post's screenshots about:

is that?? it changed how much me accomplishing a task "pays me"?? assumedly, as a way of accounting for "these things will be harder for you to do if you don't feel well, so therefore we will give a bit more of a reward than usual for doing any of them". where, if you scroll up and look at my prior "to-do" checklist, it says everything will give a +5⚡️if i complete the task. and because my mood had changed to a 2 today, everything now has been upped to now say there is a +7⚡️reward for completion, which is such a thoughtful detail that i simply had to shout it out ♡

like.. wtf... devs, you bastards 🥺🥹🥺 (/tone-indicator: affectionate) you didn't have to do all that (but im so glad you did)

it's absurd to me how effective the Finch app is (not sponsored, obviously). like, will i take care of me? for my own sake? heavens no. i shall wallow instead 💅

but for him? for this bird-themed assortment of pixels i got to name, gender, and customize into my son??? will i do little self-care tasks to check off so i can buy my bird-child outfits, furniture, feather/beak dyes, micro-pets; and give him the energy to go out on adventures so he can experience new things (like discovering he does not like The Three Little Pigs story) and develop a personality reactive to said experiences???? must i gamify my own needs and goals into fake money to provide for him?

yes. apparently, yes, i will stop wallowing and start taking care of myself— not for my own sake— but for my bird-son. and i am not going to shame myself for it, because nothing else has worked. and if having a self-care tamagotchi-neopet gets the job done? so be it. the brain works in mysterious ways

and if you think "hmm, maybe this will awaken something within me" now that you know this app exists? then this joke-post at my own expense will have been worth it lol (also, the app is free, though they do have a paid version that gives you extra goodies)

Finch app: [ android link ] ♡ [ iphone link ]