An Unforseen Product Of This Post Is Me Being Able To Check Myself On Any "hold On, Wait A Second, Did

an unforseen product of this post is me being able to check myself on any "hold on, wait a second, did this app legitimately just— let me check my finch-tumblr-post to compare" feelings for any contrasting yet subtle changes lmao

like that today, instead of my usual "im a 3 out of 5 today 🫤" rating i plug in everytime (which it asks almost every time you check into the app, for those unaware), i picked a lower number. a "meh" level of nothing is just typically how i feel all day, p much everyday. and even just this very morning i said i was a 3 once again— but later today, it asked again, and i said i'd changed to just one notch of a lower-feeling mood (so a 2 out of 5). because i simply now had a migraine. a v persistent one unaffected by my migraine meds, making me sick; none of which i had this morning. a lower-mood makes sense

and the finch app gave me bursts of sympathy, and the big obvious sign of that was they rather predictably gave me a pop-up asking if i needed one of their (Emotional) First-Aid tools (which is reflection prompts to journal, the classic "name things related to your senses" check-in, and much more). which is kind, albeit again unsurprising. and i did decide to journal some, so if i check My Mood(TM) in the future, ill have a passage saying this lowered mood was triggered by a migraine

but the thing the app did that i had to check up against this very post's screenshots about:

is that?? it changed how much me accomplishing a task "pays me"?? assumedly, as a way of accounting for "these things will be harder for you to do if you don't feel well, so therefore we will give a bit more of a reward than usual for doing any of them". where, if you scroll up and look at my prior "to-do" checklist, it says everything will give a +5⚡️if i complete the task. and because my mood had changed to a 2 today, everything now has been upped to now say there is a +7⚡️reward for completion, which is such a thoughtful detail that i simply had to shout it out ♡

like.. wtf... devs, you bastards 🥺🥹🥺 (/tone-indicator: affectionate) you didn't have to do all that (but im so glad you did)

it's absurd to me how effective the Finch app is (not sponsored, obviously). like, will i take care of me? for my own sake? heavens no. i shall wallow instead 💅

but for him? for this bird-themed assortment of pixels i got to name, gender, and customize into my son??? will i do little self-care tasks to check off so i can buy my bird-child outfits, furniture, feather/beak dyes, micro-pets; and give him the energy to go out on adventures so he can experience new things (like discovering he does not like The Three Little Pigs story) and develop a personality reactive to said experiences???? must i gamify my own needs and goals into fake money to provide for him?

yes. apparently, yes, i will stop wallowing and start taking care of myself— not for my own sake— but for my bird-son. and i am not going to shame myself for it, because nothing else has worked. and if having a self-care tamagotchi-neopet gets the job done? so be it. the brain works in mysterious ways

and if you think "hmm, maybe this will awaken something within me" now that you know this app exists? then this joke-post at my own expense will have been worth it lol (also, the app is free, though they do have a paid version that gives you extra goodies)

Finch app: [ android link ] ♡ [ iphone link ]

‘Magic is real here, far away from home…’

"one must imagine Sisyphus happy" has taken on a whole new meaning to me tonight and i am trying not to cry about it

my cat keeps trying to bring me her mouse-toy on a string, like she normally does to "show me what a good hunter she is" by dragging her cat-wands over to me for some rewarding coos and pets. but this new toy is attached to the opposite side of the room as me, im stuck on the couch due my health, and my cat can never bring her toy all the way over to me because the string doesn't extend that far and she's forced to go get it again just to try and fail to bring it to me once more :'(

maybe one must imagine Sisyphus as an earnest, eternal optimist; completely devoted towards what he has to do. because i grew up being told (an apparently unusual form of the story?) that Sisyphus and Hades made a deal; if Sisyphus can accomplish his impossible punishment, Sisyphus can rejoin the form of the afterlife where his loved ones are surely still waiting for him to arrive (because he wasn't truly doing evil things; he was a cunning trickster, fucking with the gods like how the gods fuck around with humans. that's balance, baby. maybe Hades admired his moxie)

Sisyphus has people he loves that he'll see again once he gets that boulder up the hill. tomorrow is a new day, the past was a good attempt. he has an eternity to get this done. the boulder has to fall down the hill every time in order to stop Sisyphus. but he only needs to get it to the top once. and then, much like the end of a brutal marathon, all this hard-work will be worth the pride, loving rewards, and victorious security he will also "have to take on for an eternity". therefore: one must imagine Sisyphus' dedication as a sign of having lived a life where he's been very well-loved ♡

video transcript and further context (+ product link) if desired is below:

transcript (or transcript + context, i guess?) of the sounds within the video: the news is playing on the tv in the background. the cat's many bells are jingling with every movement (we are hard-of-hearing and her many bells help us figure out where she is as she likes to be sneaky). my mom was muttering sympathetic encouragement about my cat's goal to give me the mouse on the string even before the video started and the cut-off-beginning plus the part the video did catch was something along the lines of "[She's going to do it, she's going to get it—] to you, go back, oh no!" as my cat is forced to let go of the toy-mouse due to how the toy retracts and drops and retracts the mouse. you can hear my voice much more clearly than my mom, and i am cooing at my cat "Oh-ho-hohh" in sympathy as she loses the mouse and i try to comfortingly say "It's okay, Allegra, Sisyphus is very happy!" and then i giggle-squeak at the last syllable. then the video ends and loops over again (much like Sisyphus really when you think about it lmao rip)

context of "who is Sisyphus": Sisyphus is a figure from Ancient Greek lore. to over-simplify his story to only the most relevant parts here: Sisyphus caught and chained up the Ancient Greek version of the Grim Reaper during his life to stop any deaths from happening, and when Death got free and later on Sisyphus was supposed to die— Sisyphus then used some more tricks to get to live a longer life with his family. and he also did some other stuff to fuck with the Ancient Greek gods, bc he's of the cunning trickster archetype, even before he even caught the not-the-Grim-Reaper-but-basically-the-Grim-Reaper Death guy. and when Sisyphus did finally for sure die with no take-backsies, he had to go to the underworld's An Afterlife Of Eternal Punishment Section. his punishment was to push a huge boulder up to the top of a hill, but the twist is that he can never make it to the top of the hill as the boulder always finds a way to roll back down, thereby making Sisyphus have to re-start a ton of hard-labor from square one again and again for eternity. part of how i personally was told the story of Sisyphus was that Hades (who is the God of the Dead, but not the "Ancient Greek version of the Grim Reaper" Sisyphus chained up) had motivated Sisyphus to want to do this eternal punishment again and again without stopping?? was all because Hades told Sisyphus that Sisyphus could go be with Sisyphus' loved ones in the afterlife once he accomplished getting the boulder to the top of the hill. (which i took with the same ambiguity as the classic conundrum of "Did Hades know Orpheus would inevitably fail when Hades and Orpheus made that deal? Or did Hades give Orpheus as fair a shot as Hades could for a task that, on basic principle, HAD to be something Orpheus would have to struggle terribly with to accomplish?") so Sisyphus' eternally rolling the boulder up no matter what then becomes a sentiment to how dedicated and loving he is. that's not the version most people apparently grew up hearing about Sisyphus apparently tho, as i have learned the hard way back when EVERYONE in one of my bigger college classes (where we were discussing Camus) turned towards me VERY CONFUSED when i compared Sisyphus' form of loving devotion as a foil to Orpheus' lmao

context for the "Sisyphus is very happy" and "one must imagine Sisyphus happy" lines: there was a famous philsopher Albert Camus who said, in regards to the aforementioned story within Camus' essay "The Myth of Sisyphus", his conclusion is "one must imagine Sisyphus as happy". to which Camus means, in his own interpretation of Sisyphus, the moments when Sisyphus is (temporarily) unburdened by his punishment as he walks down the hill and knows tomorrow what he will do but that for now he has freedom from his tormenting chore— those moments of levity from the absurdity matter, the relief matters and keeps him going, and makes Sisyphus happy. to apply this to real life, if you have an awful and physically draining job with a terrible commute both ways, sure, you could mope around in bed and rot with exhaustion everyday. but going out with friends in spite of your bone-weary tiredness, enjoying a really good book or show, laughing over your pet being silly? those absurdities give life meaning. even if your job and commute are terrible, those moments where you have a bit of freedom and can forget about your metaphorical boulder and hill due to sheer and blissful relief you feel? that's Sisyphus' happiness. that's why people quote that line so often: "one must imagine Sisyphus happy", it's very iconic. there are other interpretations of what Camus meant, im sure, but this is the one i have and it is ergo relevant to the logic applied for what i am saying within the video and whatnot

context to me and my cat (why am i not meeting her halfway, why do i have this toy, and more): i am disabled due to chronic illness/es involving being in some level of pain 24/7. sometimes, i am in too much physical pain to play with my cat (who is named Allegra, which i did not know was a real name; i named her after the allergy medicine, and thought i was doing the equivalent of naming her Claritin). but she needs stimuli. so ive been experimenting with automatic toys for the days where i can't play with her. one of those toys is this rechargable door/edge-hanger toy that has a string you tie a toy to. for 15 minutes, it changes both height and pace as it makes the toy attached on the string go up and down, and it even does short pauses to mix things up and keep the cat interested; then it takes a break for 5 minutes; and then it starts up for another 15, before finally shutting off. it takes 2 hours to charge, and then is good for 4 hours of play. (my only complaints are that it came with a charging cable without a plug included; and that the toy doesnt retract when it shuts off, i have to roll the string back up manually. still a 9 or 9.5/10 so far tho) it's basically an automatic cat-wand; and it comes with three mice-toys to optionally tie to the string (that are advertised as having catnip but i doubt that lol) and a back-up string. it's a great toy for my cat, who fucking LOVES cat-wands and normally hates automatic toys that don't need a human hand involved

but, yeah, Allegra is very clingy to me as "the emotional support human to an emotional support animal", because she used to be a stray who stalked me until i adopted her (yay, cat distribution system). she's been with me for several years now and is very happy. she just also likes to show-off to me and "give me food" from her "hunts" (it's only ever her cat-wands. it's never something that was once alive lol), likely because she is concerned for my health mixed with her being anxiously attached to me and my praise. i love her very much ♡

also, after this video i did try to sit by Allegra so she could give me her toy. but she was fully uninterested in the toy BECAUSE i was there and i could be giving her pets instead. i was in too much pain to stay there for long, because i needed to elevate my legs on the couch to get some pain-relief after accidentally over-exerting myself earlier that day. also, the toy cannot be hung closer to me because the toy's clamp you use to hang it? it cant open very far and our walls are WAY too thick. in the video (i think you can see it even), it's actually hanging on the side of the closed door of this set of double-doors. also, this is a very new toy for her; this was the second time we had ever brought it out. and this video was taken on the first day my cat tried to bring me that mouse-toy, though the video is not of her first attempt of said day. Allegra tried to bring me that mouse-toy, i think, about six or so times overall that day lmao i feel/felt both very loved by her and also very bad for her. she is just the sweetest cat lmao ♡

Atlas

Who’d have ever thought of it

Who’d have ever dreamed

That a small town girl like you

Would be the boss of me

Caught in a trap