Heheheh

Heheheh

"Against the kitchen floor" by Will Wood has massive Nikto vibes to me

It's just him, yk

Or perhaps I woobify him, but he deserves it

"But I can't pin down what normal people want from foreign objects/Bottom shelf erotic products like me"

"So, I could hold your hand, but keep you at arm's length"

"I only gave you my body/Honestly thought nobody'd want it, let alone notice it's gone"

"I just haven't learned how to be human as you are yet"

"The vertex of my redemption arc/The searching on that virgin heart/I'm catatonic in your arms/Crying, "How did I cause so much harm?""

"I've lived more lives than enough, I haven't died quite as much"

"But hide my knives before you go/I'll either live or die alone"

"I'm not a good person, I'm barely a person at all/But someday I'll be perfect, and I'll make up for it all"

This. This. This. This! THIS!!!

ANON I LOVE YOU MUAHM UAH MAUH MUAHAUAHAH 💋💋❤️❤️💋💋❤️💋

The ending makes me think that the entire song was a confession, but one of his alters — or several — take over to protect Nikto; because, while he has given you his body, giving you his heart is a lot more.

Physical vulnerability is nothing (not anymore) after his torture. His body became a vessel which he just so happens to be in, and injuries can heal, can be covered up, and can be forgotten on purpose, and refuse to be acknowledge them. He's given you what's left of his body, and that's not scary.

Emotional vulnerability? Terrifying. Since, he knows (to some extent) that he isn't well, and he's self-aware in his rare cases of enlightenment and realisation when the cacophnous voices still and that you should fucking run for the hills. He wants to love you, but he shouldn't, because he knows that he could never love you the way one ought to, and treat you like one should.

But you still love him, even if he's detrimental to his own health and yours.

I doubt he could ever be "perfect" — no one is the epitome of perfection. Everyone has flaws — and some are flawed (Nikto). And he may not even find redemption. Salvation, though? That's possible.

How you look vs how you end up in every group photo

Snores. REALLY loud. 😬 ONLY when you are in his arms 🙄 — when he sleeps alone, he is eerily silent.

I'm taking this and assuming it means that he's relaxed enough to snore because he knows you won't hurt him, and especially if he's sleeping during the day, he knows you've got his back. He wouldn't admit it but maybe he subconsciously knows that his lover is just as protective of him as he is of them. He knows they'd never let anyone hurt him, so his body finally leaves fight or flight mode when resting next to them

Idk if I'm just reading too much into that but it's what I'm taking from it. Nikto trusts his lover so so much

I'm rambling now but imagine his lover got accused of being a rat and there was sizable evidence against them and he just doesn't believe it. He just goes "no" and helps his lover hide because he's not an idiot, he knows they'll be tortured for information they don't have if they stay, and if they got tortured, he'd have to kill everyone involved and then punish himself for, in his eyes, allowing it to happen.

Meanwhile he works to find out who the actual traitor is, and when he finds out they intentionally framed his lover?

Not good things

🪼

YES, 🪼 ANON!!! YOU GET IT!!! 🥰🥰🥰❤️❤️❤️

Because being on high alert is exhausting. Being hyperaware of every noise — inside and outside —, every gust of wind, every breath, rise and fall in temperature, every movement... it's exhausting.

Personally, I headcanon Nikto to be a light sleeper when he's on active duty — so light that rarely truly sleeps* (or, better put: it's rare for him to get any sleep. Sleep deprivation could be the cause of those permanently red eyes of his?), as he can still recognise the sounds around him and is ready to engage with any enemy planning to stab him in his "sleep".

Before Zakhaev, he was cautious. After Zakhaev, he's paranoid.

Any noise could signal an enemy's stealthy approach: a creak in the floorboard? a passing car? footsteps echoing along the wrong? voices whispering in the night? a tusle of his bedsheets, easily to be mistaken for rustle of someone's combat gear as they adjust their pistol to aim it at his forehead? Man gets no sleep... ☹️

That's why he's eerily silent — because a.) he has to be aware of any and all dangers and b.) if he can neither be seen nor heard, no enemy can capture him, can they?

*LITERALLY as I was writing this (little by little since you sent the ask in), this headcanon showed up on my feed, and Nikto stating this is SO fitting: "We do not sleep, we only fall into darkness until the sun brings us back". PLS ITS LITERSLLT HIM? +++?? +++? @??

However, I imagine him as a deep sleeper at heart, and when he has finally no rational reasons to be paranoid, he can relax. Somewhat.

He's still as stiff as a board: lays flat on his back, arms by his sides, legs straight, and all that; however, it's with his partner only when he can actually relax, as 1.) with them laying on his chest/by his side, they are safe, they aren't in any danger, they are okay 2.), their presence brings him solace and peace like no other 3.), he isn't alone anymore, he doesn't have to protect himself and focus on his survival, since he can now just... live, as opposed to survive,

and 4.), because (like you said! 🤭❤️), his partner would be just as protective of him as they are of them. <3

To ease his stress and alleviate the paranoia at least a little, they vow to care for him and take care of him, and to demonstrate through small but meaningful acts that he doesn't have to be fiercly independent and self-reliant, but can depend on and trust his partner, too. 🥹

Maybe the relationship that he has with his partner has no one person depending on the other, but a codependent one — Nikto can provide safety, security, shelter, and protection in a physical sense, while his partner can provide all of those aforementioned in the emotional sense (but physical probably too because I would scratch whoever the FUCK had the balls to pick on my man??????,, HISSING and SCREECHING and CLAWING like a fucking cat!!!!!! 😠😠😾😾😠😾

//Also bro you can't apologise for rambling then give the BEST writing prompt EVER??? KISS KISS MUAHM MUAHHH 💋💋,, NEED TO WRITE A DRABBLE FOR THIS!!! 🤭🤭

pls bear w me tho... 😞,, hope u don't mind that im a slow writer 🥲

Nikto with a flower he clearly ripped out from someones garden: 🌷 Take it.

S/O, flustered: I'll bury you in a shallow grave.

Nikto: Shallow? Don't be stupid, you'll get caught.

Nikto: Six feet at least, vertically.

S/O: Or maybe I'll just find a hungry boar.

Op what the fuck 😭😭😭

This is so beautifully written and such a beautiful scenario. I want Nikto to find peace such as this 🥹

Its been done, he's resigned. Theres nothing else for him to do. No more missions. No more.

His eyes are sunken and his bones are heavy. He knows taken care of and thats the greatest privilege he could ever get. Never guaranteed, but with you. He knows.

For his life, his sins, would they matter more when he is in your arms? Warm and alive, no longer a cold corpse.

Revived by your care. Once a lifeless body turned into the man you love, its the only thing he could ever want. To live without want and dreams. Its the best ending.

Lost to the sea of his consciousness, theres no more use for him. His job is done and he'll be back into your arms, he'll be where he belongs. He has never been happier, even as the tears stain his mask and your clothes. He's in the only place he'd want to be. 

He's back home. Back home with you. There's no better place to be one with himself.

Back with himself.

"I'm home moya lyubov'", his voice cracks when he weeps with joy because he's alive. He's alive and he's with you. His knees fall from weakness but he doesn't care to reprimand himself. He doesn't care anymore. He's back in your arms forever. Its the only thing he wants. A life with you.

"Welcome back Nikto."

He's back. He's back.