You Asked For Inspo So Here:

you asked for inspo so here:

"loneliness, habitually looking at your side and finding an empty space, late nights, missed calls, nostalgia"

(don't ask who hurt me lol)

i dream of him every day, you know? it’s been a year and two months since the last time we talked properly. more than 10 months since i saw his face. it’s summer of 2024 and i don’t know who i am to you. hell, i don’t know what i am to me, either. but when i close my eyes, i am in highschool and our shoulders are touching and i laugh at every stupid thing he says because of course i do. and his eyes always lit up when i did. in my dreams, he says that he loves me and that he’s sorry. but here’s the catch: i always know i’m dreaming.

to dream and know you’re dreaming is the greatest curse of them all. because it’s there, it’s right there, happiness that’s cotton candy sweet melting on your tongue it’s there it’s there but you know it’s not true. because you’ve never had cotton candy before and your mom has always told you girls with rotten teeth don’t deserve sweets. because he says he loves you. because he’s smiling and it’s not crooked and he says he loves you. because you’re thinking of him with a feather-light chest and not weeping into your best friend’s arms. because he says he loves you and your teeth is not rotten.

but i wake up and don’t cry. i miss him, but i don’t cry. i don’t even remember his face right but i miss him. but i don’t cry. when i do, it's always the stupidest things that set it off.

it's 11:30pm and i should be sleeping but here i am, staring at the tears staining my pillow and telling myself, "stop. stop crying. stop. why are you crying?"

it's all so incredibly stupid.

i can't play fight with my friends anymore because i'm afraid they'll just leave. i can't be mean for shits and giggles. because what if that's the breaking point? what if someone gets bored of my clown fuckery there and decides to give up on me. what will i do with my red nose and jester's hat and bleeding smile? what will i do?

i don't know if I miss you or miss who i was before you anymore. i don't remember what it felt like, to be so sure that i am loved. because i am, i know i am! but now with that knowledge comes a creeping whisper, "what's the price you have to pay to make them stay?"

i don't know. it terrifies me.

calls pile up on my phone and i hate that sometimes i can’t even care enough to be guilty about it. my friends text me often, “are you even alive? please call me back.” and i don’t know what to tell them. i don’t know who i am. can you come over? i’m afraid i’ll forget your face. can you come over? i’m afraid you’ll forget my face. can you come over? i am so lonely. can you come over? i can’t stop dreaming and nostalgia feels like a knife to my throat and i keep twisting it in deeper and deeper and deeper and-

can you come over? i don’t know why i can’t forget your laugh. i don’t know if i can ever stop screaming.

i look at my side and find it’s empty. i look for your photos in my gallery and come up empty because i deleted the last one a week ago. but it doesn’t matter, because they all look wrong, anyway. none of them know how you smile. none of them are real. none of them know you like i do. i can’t stop dreaming. i am a liar who knows he’s a liar and the knife twists deeper and why didn’t you look back? why can’t i stop dreaming?

did your father cheat on your mother? god i read that part of your poem and it ruined my day (loving)

no, anon. my father did not cheat on my mother

What can you do when you hate every word that comes out of your mouth with a burning passion? When nothing you say ever feels right? When all of your words feel like lies, even though they’re not?

Because they’re not, right? …right?

poem requests are closed!! thank you so much to everyone who sent an ask, that was so fun. if i haven't done yours yet, dw i'm sloooowly working through every prompt. if you would like to commission me for longer, better, more well-thought-out pieces, come talk to me! i would love to work with you <3

Sweet New Style - A Web Weave

On Siblings

@flooded--skies // @winchesterwhorehouse // @capbrie // maria a guzman capron // halsey - graveyard // avicii - hey brother // @capbrie // @cup-noodle // unknown