LaeZel Will Fall For It The First Time Because Shes From The Astral Realm, But She Will Never Get Caught

Lae’Zel will fall for it the first time because she’s from the astral realm, but she will never get caught by it again. Karlach has “little shit” cinnamon roll energy. She hasn’t been gotten by that one since she was 12. Gale will literally forget the damn joke every time. You could get him 14 times in the same day if he’s too focused on something else.

And I love this game more and more each time I open it 😂

A somewhat comprehensible list of people/creatures you can fuck in Baldur's Gate 3:

- a very limpwristed and sad vampire twink

- ebony dark'ness dementia raven way but she's a cleric

- wizard who eats your magic shoes and won't shut up about his ex

- the widest elf you've ever seen who is also a bear

- a good-boy warlock who gave himself a superhero name

- his patron who always is two seconds away from a nipslip

- the most menacing woman you've ever met who flirts by saying she wants to wrestle you and smell your "musk"

- huge red tiefling herbo who may or may not be literally on fire (so watch out)

- the mindflayer who can and will give you unsolicited advice via psychic connection about all the poor choices you wanna make

- a pair of drow twins who swear it's not gonna be weird that they're brother and sister

- a devil's personal incubus who took the form of the aforementioned devil because he doesn't wanna fuck anyone who doesn't look like himself

- another drow lady who thinks of nothing but murder all day every day

Astarion IS a deeply selfish person BECAUSE no one helped him.

Yes, he wanted someone to rescue him, but no one ever did. The mindflayers didn’t rescue him; that was AT BEST him being like a stolen farm animal, meant to be consumed one way or another. Him escaping the nautiloid crash was a goddamn fluke. After nearly 200 years of literally having his free will overpowered, never seeing the sun, being forced to eat rats and bugs, being forced into being a sex slave, and being forced into being an accessory to what had to be hundreds if not thousands of murders, of course he’s not going risk the freedom he JUST GAINED (as fragile and limited as it is) to save a bunch of people he doesn’t know nor care about.

He has all of his own issues. Being someone else’s savior isn’t a priority for him. He’s not going to be Mr. Let’s Save Everyone while waiting for the ticking time bomb in his head into making him into a different but equally mindless monster.

Also, a fact about vampirism in D&D, which BG3 is based on: The vampiric transformation, even to a spawn, changes the person’s moral alignment to Lawful Evil. Obviously, alignment is a finicky thing when your dealing with 3 dimensional characters with actual depth, but basically, Astarion’s transformation fundamentally leaves him predisposed to enjoying murder and cruelty (mostly to cope with the needing to consume blood to live part). Additionally, according to Neil Newbon (Astarion’s VA and partial character developer), Astarion was already a rather harsh magistrate. He literally gets killed by the Gur because they didn’t like a particularly harsh sentence he passed down when Cazador finds him dying in the streets. So we’re dealing with a person who was already rather comfortable with handing out death as a punishment becoming forcibly more comfortable with ending people’s lives through both magical and tortured means.

To encapsulate his character: Purely for self-preservation. Anything that doesn’t preserve him (tangentially through the party or directly) he will dislike. He likes playing politics and lying. He enjoys power and it tempts him because he’s fearful of being taken over again.

The arc he goes on can either feed into his fears, paranoia (enchanted by his vampiric transformation), and bloodlust, or Tav and the party can provide him with a safe place to begin unpacking his trauma and growing to be better than it (romance or not). [I do not like calling him broken and in need of fixing, because literally all of us are broken, and he’s (in the context of Tav to him, even though he IS a ball of well-sculpted pixels) not an object like a broken cup to be fixed. He’s just traumatized and in deep need of therapy, and probably a really good nap.]

So no, he’s never going to like mindless heroics, but you can definitely play a good play through and have him like you if you play politics a little and ask for coin for services. Also, letting him eat people you’re already planning on killing makes things a lot easier.

You have obviously missed the main point of Astarion's plot. Like the man legit had 200 years of slavery and tortoure....

no no, you missed my point.

I will absolutely be the first to advocate this man feeling the sun on his skin for the first time in centuries. And being finally free from his tormentor and getting revenge.

Of learning that he CAN trust other people. And actually grow into something more than a sexual beast that allures people to slaughter.

I am all for that. Give me a bloody, hard earned, revenge plot with some sweeter experiences in-between for the poor guy. Let Astarion enjoy something outside of sex and blood for once.

What I don't like, is his absolute cruelty to other people. During my playthrough, I helped people out of cages and aided the normal folk. I gave money to npcs and offered aid in battles.

He DISLIKED THAT!!! I am near red with him because I am actually trying to help people.

But if it was him in a cage, which he had been at some point, praying for someone to help him, (which is something he says to Tav) he'd obviously want someone like Tav to unlock the cage and let him out, no?

He'd want someone to help him, if there was ever a time the opportunity came up. Astarion would want freedom!

But heaven forbid, someone else wants the same thing and actually gets the opportunity to be saved from cruelty.

That's not result of him being tortured. That's just him being an asshole.

From now on, I’m calling all of us Astarion Romancers …

Bendy Straws

WHAT IS THIS CAPTION

he has that sadness in his eyes that you only see in eastern european gay porn

Thank You Mr, Jordan 😌

pcgamer

Baldur's Gate 3 has a voice actor dedicated to making sex sounds and he has a message for players: 'you little horny perverts ... you think

Alex Jordan has a very specific role in Baldur's Gate 3.

"And so I went into the studio," Jordan continued. "And it was very awkward, as I made sounds like 'mmm' and 'ahh'. And then I kissed my hand a whole lot."   

But he got the job done, and now he just hopes that everyone playing the game appreciates all the effort he put into helping make it happen—and keeps his very specific but vital role in the game in mind as they play.

"You think about that," he said. "You mull that over as you run around, you little horny perverts, with your little perverted roleplays, you randy bastards. You think of me."