Thinking About Self Hatred And How It's Such A Plague In Blue Lock. Thinking About How Rin Can't Look

Thinking about self hatred and how it's such a plague in Blue Lock. Thinking about how Rin can't look in the mirror because of how much he reminds himself of Sae, but how he tells Isagi to look at him. How even characters who think of themselves as filth get angry, how Kenyu has bursts of it, how Kaiser chokes himself. How deep down every single character in Blue Lock is begging to be loved and understood. The light in their eyes when someone believes in them and the deep pit of depression they fall into when no one does.

How Reo and Ness are hated by parts of the fandom probably BECAUSE their self hatred is so viceral and so obvious you can fucking feel it. Yet characters like Barou and Kunigami are seen as edgy because they hide their self hatred behind an equally destructive facade, a mask of controlled apathy for those around them. The way the coaches have to cradle the fragile, fragile souls of these boys while still pushing them to be better. Begging them to believe they are capable and picking them up after they pass out, stopping them from falling into the same imposter syndrome they've witnessed again and again (that even they are not immune to).

Thinking about how even Ego Jinpachi doesn't take care of himself.

That fic with yandere xiao is SO good. It seems that he fully succumbed to his karmic debt but instead of going on a mad killing spree he become insanely in love instead.

Imagine an understanding darling who knew about his karmic debt and how it ended for most of the yaksha. Darling is basically the only one holding Xiao back from going on a massacre.

It would be interesting to have that darling with hero complex thing.

I see your point and raise you: Everyone is fucking traumatized and the darling still tries to see the good in Xiao that simply doesn’t exist after what happened!

»»———————— ♡ ————————««  

“Xiao?”

The call of his name was faint as you tried not to disturb the other guests at Wangshu Inn, but he had already recognized you by the sound of your steps dragging up the flight of stairs. You didn’t flinch, barely moved a muscle as he appeared before you, his face mere inches away from yours. His eyes scanned your body as you two silently exchanged glances, assessing the other. One in worry, one in desire.

Gritting his teeth, he examined the bandages covering your arms and the swollen bruise at the bottom of your face. When he finally reached up, his fingertips dragged along your cheek, making sure you were really there regardless of your battered state. Warmth and softness met his touch, and he gently stroked back your hair. This time you flinched as a flash of pain hit you, his hand meeting the imprint of his palm from where he held you. Xiao felt the anger rise again, tasting like poisonous venom on his tongue, prickling and nauseating.

But it was directed at himself, knowing he put that bruise at the back of your head while pressing you to his chest as you two descended into the depths of the chasm. It was his fault you were in pain. His fault you had been hurt.

You brushed his hand aside, and if not for the fact he was prodding your wound in a mix of curiosity and disbelief about what he did, he might have felt hurt by your actions. Frustrated you’d deny him the pleasure of touching you but sharing your pain that echoed so madly in his heart. But you were right; you didn’t need him to put you through more. Not after what he did.

“I brought you some painkillers,” you whispered, the paper bag crinkling as you lifted it higher for him to see. There was no medication that could heal the torment of his feelings that had been kept behind his mask for so long. For the longest time, he merely did his duty, endured anything that came his way. But now, it was different.

Now he was in love with you.

It was the greatest pleasure and worst punishment at the same time. Xiao only realized it when he plummeted into the dark depths of nothingness, but it was the one thing keeping him alive—his love for you. He’d have done anything to make sure your descent wouldn’t be too painful for you, and now the thought of almost killing you was wrecking him apart more than any karmic debt could. It’s been barely a night and a day since that, not enough time for you to recover. Still, you made your way back to the inn, regardless of your condition, because that’s the kind of person you were. A good one.

And he really wasn’t. Not anymore.

Shaking the bag a little, you were waiting for him to take it from you. Before letting his hand fall from your head, he felt your hair slide through it, glad he took off his glove to experience you in all your softness and beauty. One night and one day were too short to miss you as much as he did. But the moment you left his side, he had yearned for you to return to him, and now that you were here, he could barely keep himself together. It made Xiao wish he was the chasm swallowing you whole, so you were together, always, and he wouldn’t need to spend even a second away from you.

But he took it. Reluctantly, but lying was useless when you knew him well enough to know the debt was collecting. Even more so after what he did to you in the chasm, and yet, if you minded it, you still came back for him. That had to mean something, right?

Returning his passionate, dark gaze with your eyes for another moment, you slowly slipped past him, stepping out on the balcony and leaning against the railings. Xiao watched your every move, saw the deep intake of air you took, chest swelling and falling as you breathed out. “It’s good to be back,” you remarked, and Xiao grunted in response, unable to share your opinion, he acknowledged bitterly.

For you, an adventure must have ended, and you were returning to good old normality. But Xiao lived in a neverending nightmare. Now that he knew even more about his Yaksha friends and facing the agony of his feelings, things hadn’t gotten better. If anything, he felt himself getting worse with every second you were here and every moment you were gone.

“It was really scary, wasn’t it?” you reminisced with a half-laugh, talking as if the happenings were long in the past. You stared at the night sky in thought, wringing your hands while Xiao wished you’d keep talking and let him hear your voice more. Scold him, insult him, do something about this permanent stinging feeling in his heart longing to comfort you. “The dimension thing and history were terrifying. And when we fell... well...”

You turned back to him with surprising confidence, looking nothing like he wished you would. You were making a funny grimace, forcing yourself to grin instead of being angry and mad at him. “How did we even survive that?”

The question was a deserved one, though Xiao felt hesitant to tell you. Was it the truth he should be saying at that moment? If he told you he saved you, would that make you like him more? Xiao stayed quiet for too long, giving off the impression he couldn’t tell you even though he merely contemplated the right response. But you lowered your gaze, feeling a little lost with the reluctance of his answer. “Oh, well...” you mumbled, shrugging it off and Xiao’s focus shifted out of his thoughts and back to you.

“We--” he finally decided to speak up, but you lifted your hand, interrupting him. To think a mere human could silence a mighty Yaksha like that, both of you must have been insane. Xiao, at least, felt like he was. Seeing how you had him at your beck and call was maddening. Yet, if you called his name and asked him to kneel, he felt like his body would have with no hesitation. If this was your way of giving your forgiveness to him, he would do whatever it took, no matter how humiliating or frustrating. This mighty Yaksha, at least, was yours to command if you wished.

“I’m just glad we made it out alive together. I... I don’t know what happened, but I am sure you had your reasons.”

So you did notice.

Fuck.

Your voice trailed off as Xiao reprimanded himself for cursing like an ordinary human, feeling heat shoot to his face as he overanalyzed the word in his head. All while you were going on and on about not thinking about it too much and how you two needed to continue figuring out how to control his karmic debt. Only when the words, “I’m really not mad, Xiao,” left you, his name so delightfully cheerful coming from your lips, did he tear himself out of confusing, unallowed daydreams.

In a few eager steps, he crossed the distance to you, and you pressed back into the railing as he cornered you against it. “You’re not?” he asked, his already husky voice breaking as he forced the words out. He didn’t deserve this. Didn’t deserve you being here, bringing his painkillers and forgiving him. But he could feel happiness tingling over every inch of his skin. Wetting your lips, Xiao wondered if you could feel it too. That... thing between you. Love.

“Of course not,” you whispered, chuckling a little at his closeness. Like a beaten puppy searching for affection. But your palm left a burn on his chest as you placed it there, pushing him away from you a little, uncomfortable with his presence all around you. It was the pain of loss, of not getting what he wanted, and Xiao was suffering. Suffering from not being allowed what he desperately yearned for. Being near you.

“You were just trying to save me, right?”

He squinted, trying to find the jest in your eyes. Surely you didn’t think so highly of him after he grabbed you and threatened you to stay with you underground until you died, right?

“Yes, of course,” he responded. “That’s my... duty.”

Please, he thought, drawing in a sharp breath as you started to beam at him after hearing it firsthand. Please don’t look at me like that. Why did he lie? He never lied before. Archons, what was happening with him?! And why did you believe him? Did he have to do the emotional work for two people when he was only now relearning his feelings? Why couldn’t you just be angry! Why... Why was he feeling so relieved you believed him?

“Ah, thank you,” you whispered, your whole body relaxing from the unknown tension you had been under. You expected something else from him, right? Feared he might not have been so pure. If only you knew how right you were. “Thank you so much for always looking out for me, Xiao.”

Your eyes were glistening with thankfulness. Maddening. Irresistible. His gaze dropped to your lips, and Xiao could no longer deny that he wanted to lean forward and... Luckily, you acted up before he did something stupid. Something that would make him regret his decisions even more, driving you away from him. But you didn’t react how he thought you would. Instead, your hands fell to his neck, his initial response of restraining you setting out as his body recognized your touch as no threat. Then, you leaned forward, brushing your lips against his.

And from one moment to another, his whole body lit up in flames.

He could feel this kiss burn everywhere, from his lips to his groin, all the way down to his knees buckling and toes curling. Xiao had never kissed someone before, never understood the concept. But damned as he was, he understood it now. This was exactly what he wanted to do, all the time, with you. He wanted more than the chaste press of your lips to his; he wanted to taste you, burn his kiss on your lips as well. But you pulled away before he could react.

“Sorry, I-- I just got overwhelmed with relief, and well... no, really, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have--”

“It’s fine,” he interrupted you this time as you panicked. It was more than fine. It was perfect. Beautiful, breathtaking, unforgettable... Could you do it again?

Clearing your throat, you stared at his chest in embarrassment, with both palms keeping him at a safe distance. All while you had no idea what you had awoken in Xiao and everything going through his head. What did show was the pink tint on his cheeks as he lifted a hand to hide his mouth, liking his lips for the last traces of you.

“Xiao we... we’ll find a way to help you! You won’t end up like the others!”

Yeah, whatever, he thought, too occupied with his memories of the kiss and the increasing need he felt for more. All the doubts and self-hatred were gone as Xiao recognized this was the best possible outcome. It made it all worth it, even his feelings being awoken and jumbled. But he realized he needed more. Much more than just a chaste kiss that you regretted right after.

“I promise you we’ll find a way. Together. This time I’ll save you.”

“Right...” he mumbled, and you nodded in satisfaction, not noticing the dazed gaze in his eyes as he let them roam over your body. The truth was, you were ruining him.

“You can rely on me! I’ll do whatever it takes!”

“Whatever it takes, huh...” he repeated after you, the words slowly festering in his mind as they echoed between his ears. “There’s something I’d like to try,” he suddenly confessed, and you perked up, full of motivation and naive confidence.

 “Of course! Let’s try it! What is it?”

“Well...” Xiao’s eyes darted back to you, his gaze almost as intense as yours, but entirely for different reasons. What you had in determination, he had in lust, the two not mixing well but enthusiastic enough for him to think he could actually get what he wanted.

Who cared for karmic debt or self-hatred when he could have you? What good were regret and anger when there were two perfectly plush lips to kiss, a person to love, and a body to worship right before him? He knew you believed him, that faulty human brain of yours still thinking of him as if he was your friend. He had long become so much more, but you never recognized it. Your protector and admirer.

There had never been a Yaksha with these kinds of thoughts, but Xiao would be the first and last, a singularity in itself. He had already decided back at the chasm that an existence without you was meaningless. You coming back, even if you merely wanted to find answers and satisfy your own issues by ‘helping a friend’, proved to him that even now—even after what he did—you two were still destined to be with each other.

“We’ll start from here and then see,” he finally revealed his plan, your eyebrows coming together in the middle questioningly. But before you could ask him to explain, he overpowered you, pushing your hands back until your chest was on his, your heartbeat so clearly reverberating through his body. And under the cloudless night sky, he kissed you so passionately that you should have known something was wrong. Very, very wrong. But you trusted him too much, believing in the good inside him that was already gone. How could he not take advantage of that?

This time, he’d not let you go once he was done. And he wouldn’t for a long time.

Never, to be precise.

Yandere!Xiao Concept based on the Archon Quest

Genshin Spoilers for the Archon Quest Perilous Trail (Ver. 2.7) ahead

What if Xiao’s darling happens to get trapped with everyone else down in The Chasm?

Seguir leyendo

little goro akechi adventures!

: ̗̀➛ NOT THE EXCEPTION . yan! isagi yoichi / gn! reader

you were the fool for thinking that he'd be the only sane one in a team full of batshít crazy athletes. now he has you cornered, and the look in his eyes tells you that you should have never underestimated a wólf in sheép's clothing.

+ happy happy belated birthday to the love of my life bbg (who shan't be named) AND happy new year to everyone!!

( HOW DO I WRITE KISSING SCENES????, forced kíssing, dúbcon, n/sfw mentions, mánipulation, hárem mentions [bc it's not yester without a hárem] )

You don't know why you thought he was the exception.

Maybe it's because, in a team full of egoists, Isagi seemed to be the only one to treat you like his equal. Shidou drapes himself all over you and leaves you icky with his séxual comments, Rin cooly glares at you and barely acknowledges your existence, you could nearly faint at the mere glare of Kunigami, and Bachira likes to play rough with your body as he clings and begs for your attention.

That's not even the complete cast. Even people like Nagi, Reo, and Chigiri came with their own set of problems. But not Isagi. You had thought it would never be Isagi. Sure, he had a tongue and attitude on the field, parading around his victory with a smug smirk and spitting poíson at opponents and teammates alike. Yet that side of his seemed to completely disappear whenever he stepped out of the field, his prédatory gaze softening into a fond look whenever you bounded up to him to congratulate him on a well-earned victory. He never tried your boundaries or let his touch linger like the others did.

He was a gentleman through and through, and thinking that was your first mistake.

Your second mistake was being alone with him in your living room. He's still wearing that soft expression and kind smile, but his hands are gripping your wrists too tightly.

"[Your Name]." He says your name in a hushed whisper, bringing up your trembling wrist to his lips so he can press a kiss on a new bruíse. You watch with wide eyes as those plush lips touch your skin and permeate an icy feeling of doom through the veins. His gaze meets yours.

"Don't you think I did well today?"

Though your gut is telling you that something isn't right, you're still a fool smitten with the gentle image Isagi had portrayed himself to be. You find yourself slowly nodding, entranced by those blue eyes that never look away from you.

"Why do you think so?" He presses another kiss on your wrist, before loosening the bruising grip so he can trail kisses up your arm.

"... Your metavision is still as keen as ever," you whispered. The television screen is reflected in his eyes, news of Japan's newest victory flashing on the screen. You can't look away. "You expertly led the others to victory; you instigated all the right chemical reactions for the perfect shot." You lick your dry lips. "... You were amazing."

He huffs a laugh into your shoulder, massaging your bruised wrist like he wasn't the one who left that mark. "You're not echoing Ego's words, are you? I want to hear your own thoughts, not that slimy bastard's."

"M... Maybe," you admit, tense with his grip on your shoulder tightening. "I don't know much about soccer, but I meant every word. You were amazing, Isagi, you really were."

His grip softens, you're still tense, and he hums contentedly. "Right. I was amazing. I devoured every single bastard on that field and left them gasping." Your hair tickles your ear as he pushes them back. "So, don't you think it's a bit unfair?"

"... What is?"

"That I have to share my trophy with the others." His hand feels cold on your neck. "Can't I have one thing to myself? [Your Name], look at me."

You follow. He smiles that gentle smile again. He thumbs your lower lip like a lover.

"Kiss me."

You read romances all the time. They had always described it as hot, passionate, fiery. But maybe you took fiction too seriously. Real life is always different, and the ice in your veins is proof of that.

You draw closer, breath hitched, and mustering all the courage and swallowing down the unease in your heart, you press your lips on his.

There is no fire like the ones described in the books. There is a heavy pit in your stomach. Is this what they call butterflies? You tremble under the scrutinizing gaze of Isagi, eyes still open even with your lips on his. Soon, he closes his eyes too and you feel his lips smirk against yours.

Returning the kiss, he pulls you in closer and takes your everything in deeply. You can't pull away, you don't pull away. In this very moment, he's devouring everything you can offer— for now, physically; soon, mind and spirit. You wince when he bites down on your lip, not even trying to be gentle about it. You flinch backward from the pain, but his hand on the small of your back allows you no escape.

"Kiss me back, baby," he whispers between kisses. "You're my trophy for the night."

You kiss with less passion than him, too nervous about making him happy. You match the softness of his lips with yours, lapping at his tongue like how he does. He laughs when he pulls away, finding amusement in the blushy and nervous look on you.

"Gosh, you're so cute," he sighs, grinning at you. It's no longer friendly, those lips. A bit swollen from your kitten bites, the way he's smirking at you feels too... smug. "Too cute. Those bastards won't have any chance now that I've devoured you."

You gasp when his hand tightens on your hip, and you shoot him a nervous look. "I– Isagi, what are you...?"

"C'mon, [Your Name], how could you possibly not have seen it?" He chuckles. "Bargin' into the locker room every time we're half naked, in those cute shorts, and you think that not one man in that room would think about taking you on the fuckin' bench? Think, cutie. But you've always been wary of them, good thing. They think they can devour you by intimidating and belittling you? Those fuckers don't know shit."

He catches your bottom lip between his teeth and laughs at their stupidity, vibrations buzzing your lip. "First, you gotta sweeten the trap with honey, you know?"

You are reflected in those captivating blue eyes, fluorescent lights illuminating your paling features. Taking you in again, he devours your lips once again, caring only for the taste of victory on his lips and your sweet sounds on his tongue.

Another victory snatched.

YO I LOVE YOUR BLLK TEXTS would you consider making some for the boys w an unathletic, studious reader? I'm thinking more like they're college aged and the reader is studying something like psychology cuz that involves reading a lot for hOURS and they've never touched a sport unlike the guys haha, only if you want to ofc!!! Drink water and take care!!

NO TIME FOR RUNNING! - you're an unathletic, studious person

THIS includes : texts genre: crack NOTE: TYY i also hope you drink water and take care as well its hot where i am so i always drink water almost all the time!

PAIRINGS: ISAGI, BACHIRA, NAGI, REO, RIN, SAE, SHIDOU, AIKU, CHIGIRI

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