For Us It's The Awkward Carriage Ride

for us it's the awkward carriage ride

but for javert it's

Yes geologists! Doing the important work 💖

nothing better than killing yourself at the end of a stressful day

The one, in which Marius ignores the beginning of the revolt (Lamarque’s funeral). Well, he is deeply depressed, and, let’s be honest, he was never interested in Les Amis’ affairs.

But even before that: Hugo is so wrong here! “Marius was at an age when one believes nothing in the line of evil” — with this, he tries to explain that Marius was not jealous of Cosette because of Théodule. Ha! Wasn’t it that same Marius who was ready to beat up some poor invalid because of his own sick fantasy?

Before going out on the 5th of June, he somehow finds the pistols (presented to him by Javert) and takes them with him. We are told that he did it absent-mindedly, but it could also mean that Marius is already suicidal. He forgets to eat, he takes a bath in the Seine (Probably. He himself is not sure about it). Marius, wake up!

His last hope to see Cosette in the evening is gone, because Jean Valjean followed the advice he read in the note and left the house on the Rue Plumet. And there is a confirmation that Marius indeed wants to kill himself: “his heart filled with sweetness and resolution, he blessed his love in the depths of his thought, and he said to himself that, since Cosette was gone, all that there was left for him was to die.” (It’s far too romantic a presentation of the decision to end one’s life – you have to be very careful with it, M. Hugo!)

Last thing we learn is that Éponine calls Marius to join his friends (are they?) at the barricade. Given that neither of them is motivated by revolutionary fervour, we can suspect that these two are simply ready to die. (And in the next chapter, they will be joined by the third person with a similar motivation.)

I just finished reading “Cosette” The Sequel to Les Miserables” by Laura Kalpakian. For those who do not know, this book is basically a 650-page (kinda shitty) fanfic that somehow was published as a real, purchasable book sometime in the 1990′s. Here are some of my favorite moments:

A quote from Javert: “Republican scum like you can’t overthrow the king of France. One day more and you’ll piss blood. I’ll meet you in hell.”

A quote from Valjean: “She is seventeen, too young to be in love. She is a child. This Marius, he is nothing to her. She wanted a puppy once and I said no and she got over it.”

Enjolras scrambles to the top of the barricade and just….screams SHIT!

For some reason in the whole barricade part in the beginning Combeferre is the ami that gets the most attention

The only amis that are mentioned are: Combeferre, Enjolras, Feuilly, and Courfeyrac. The only ami that gets mentioned beyond the 1832 barricade section is Feuilly because of the whole “vivent les peuples!” thing written on the wall of the Musain. Which, btw, the author always writes as “vive les peuples!”

Actually the author made up some OCs in the barricade section so there could be some barricade survivors for Marius and Cosette to interact with later in the book

“You will hang by your cock in hell.”

For some reason whenever Jean Valjean is mentioned in the first portion of the book, he is described as having large, powerful hands

Cosette had no sex education and so on her wedding night she asked Marius to teach her. And he just gestures to her boobs and says “this is a nipple.” It is the only thing he vocally says to her and then he is kissing her boobs and they go at it. I kid you not this is the big amazing wedding sex scene and the most notable line is “this is a nipple”

Remember the whole absolutely no sex education thing? Well they somehow have amazing sex all night long regardless

Azelma is the main antagonist in the book. Also she is ALWAYS referred to as Zelma. I don’t know where the A went. It’s gone forever I guess.

A quote from Thenardier: “I am one of those holy men. I can walk in shit, sit in shit, sleep in shit, eat shit, drink shit, and still my turds come out in perfect golden bricks.”

Marius regularly goes to prison like it’s a casual thing that happens often which is an inconvenience but you know what are ya gonna do

Marius and Cosette raise the biggest asshole of a son there is literally nothing redeeming about him

Azelma ‘Zelma’ Thenardier literally fucked Louis-Napoleon and had a child with him.

She named the child Eponine.

Azelma feels like she needs to take revenge against Cosette for the whole Marius thing and she basically uses her daughter Eponine II to fulfill that, as if ensuring Eponine II is successful will make ghost Eponine happy

Speaking of Eponine II there is an entire subplot where Azelma manages to force the son of Cosette and Marius to marry Eponine II……because she felt that her sister Eponine should have married Marius……..so like, by marrying her daughter Eponine to a Pontmercy she’s fulfilling some kind of lost destiny shit. And also taking revenge against Cosette. Azelma is really freaky in this okay

Cosette disguises herself as an old beggar due to a mixture of political and economic reasons and calls herself “the plumed lark” when she is in her disguise. Weirdest superhero ever amiright

Marius sneaks out of prison dressed up as the plumed lark

THERE IS A SEX SCENE THAT TAKES PLACE WITH ONE PERSON HIDDEN UNDERNEATH A HOOP SKIRT

i am not fucking with you. “this is a nipple” is probably the most iconic part of the book